Oh for sure I'm excited for some wacky people to come post here. I think my fave from my last BMB was a stripper/nude model who had a Halloween themed bridal shower and NEEDED to go tanning for her job and didn't understand why we told her that tanning was frowned upon.
@MRDCle I feel ya...I had an ultrasound to confirm pregnancy (cause I was there and it was available), and it’s been a month and I have another week to go before I see anyone with the title Dr. And I’m high-risk. I’d appreciate, y’know, having a plan for this pregnancy.
@mermaidca@BarefootContessa I’ve been stalking the BMBs ahead of us looking for entertainment. Glad May is open so I can stalk there too!
@MRDCle same!! I never realized how frustrating a cold is until I couldn’t take anything for it.
You can though! Typically the robatussin type cough meds are acceptable you just have to look them up. Anyway, honey is shown to be a better cough suppressant and it’s an antibacterial substance. Chug water and take a spoonful of honey on you really Weill feel a bit better. Also you can take allergy meds to try and clear your sinuses. I have to stay on allergy meds 100% of the time. Flonase (while not supposed to be used for a cold) works amazing with clearing my ears and sinuses.
@kbirchtree yeah - no cough here. Just congestion and sore throat. So I've been drinking tea, having soup, and I finally took a Benedryl last night so I could get some sleep.
@professormama That seems against the intent of FMLA. I'm sure your university is doing what they've always done, but it seems like it's illegal
DD threw up all over her crib this morning, so I stayed home with her today. The best part was taking a shower with her and trying not to vomit myself from the smell. So far I've got about 5 minutes of work done. Sigh. She is extra cuddly though.
Not sure if this is the right thread for this type question but it said random SO I need some advice/input..
My son's 1st birthday is coming up in a few months. Growing up, my sister and I never had birthday parties, we always just did cake and something fun with my parents. Just as a family. My husband's side does a MILLION birthday parties. Every year his mom threw him 3 different ones for both sides and friends.
My husband is very relaxed and we both like the idea of being low key for birthdays, especially the first one, and just do cake and something fun the three of us. And if anyone wants to stop by if they have a gift, they obviously can. My mom is supportive with that and thinks, the simpler the better. She wants us to do whatever we want.
Well, I just has lunch with my mother in law, and she brought up him turning one soon and asked if I had a birthday party theme in mind yet. (Lol) She said it is now my responsibility as a parent to throw a nice birthday party. When I told her we may just do something the three of us, she almost had a heart attack! She was very upset and said she needed to be there to see him eat cake, etc. Ugh. It was awkward. They are VERY into birthday parties. She acted like I was a monster. My neices on that side get extravagant parties every year. We don't feel the need to do that, it sounds better to have an intimate time as a family, go on a trip, hotel, something fun! I loved it growing up.
So my question is, are we that crazy for not doing birthday parties?? My husband is not close to his family btw. How should I handle the MIL? Will it be awkward every year to do big celebrations for the husbands side's neices but never have anyone over for our son (and baby #2) I just need an outsiders perspective to this.
@elmich3, especially for a first birthday, I don't see any problem with just wanting an intimate celebration with the three of you. Future birthdays, you might decide you want to have some friends over or family, but it's definitely entirely up to you.
For us, we've done birthday parties every year but it's mostly family. Of course, I have a huge family so it tends to become a big affair, but I've been lucky that I can have the parties for free at work or at my house and my family chips in for food. My son is the first grandkid on my DH's side, so it's a good excuse for his family to get to see him and celebrate.
@elmich3 we did a under the sea theme for DD 1st but it wasn’t a big affair, mostly family and a few friends at a park, like 15 people max. We have done pretty low key family dinner things for her 2nd and 4th. For her 3rd though we went to San Francisco, to do the aquarium and take her to the beach for the first time. I told family ahead of time that if they wanted to go they were welcome but if they didn’t want to then we could do a small dinner another night.
Maybe compromise and plan something for the 3 if you and tell them they are welcome to join if they want but that this is how you are choosing to celebrate.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
@elmich3 I personally love birthday parties but the first birthday in particular is more for the parents to celebrate surviving the first year so you do what makes you happy. For me that was preparing a ton of food and having a ton of people over, but if for you that’s just celebrating with the theee of you, do that. Your son doesn’t care. I’d say as he gets older you can let him choose what kind of celebration he wants (within the parameters you set, like a choice of having a lot of family over or a sleepover or a few friends at Chuck E Cheese), but for now, do whatever makes you happy.
Maybe you can invite MIL over for a private cake smash or Skype with her so she can see him do that if that’s important to her.
Thank you so much for the advice and perspective! It really did help. I think we will do his party just the three of us this year but still say family can come by and let my mother in law know when he's eating cake if she wants to come. As he gets older he can pick what he wants to do as a family. I got one big friend party when I was 10 so we might do something similar to that. Our families are so small so I doubt it will ever be a big shin dig!
@elmich3 - we have a very small family and haven't done a real party yet (1st or 2nd bday). My parents came by but it was very informal. Once she has friends at school we will do real parties. No need for the extra stress. They will not remember the first few years.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
Just to jump in real quick on those of you who like to check out other BMB for entertainment, I like to look at the BumpAdmin profile to read posts that they close.
@elmich3 on the subject of birthday parties, we’ve always been very low key. At 1 year old, a party is really for the adult, not the kid. However, we also understood that our parents (the grandparents) really wanted to celebrate and give our baby gifts. What we ended up doing for birthdays 1-3 was basically a very low key, family only party. We throw a 9am “brunch” with a donut cake and a few quiches and fruit salad. For turning 3, we let our son have one friend to the “party.” All 3 times it’s been at home / back yard. We open presents, eat donuts, and just relax. It’s fun and sweet, and it makes everyone feel included without being pressure on us.
the first year, we lived in a tiny apartment so I bought a plastic tablecloth, pushed the furniture against the walls, and everyone just sat around on the floor. It was so fun!
@elmich3 we had a large birthday party for her 1st birthday but like other posters have said, that was more so for us. We wanted to plan something big for her even though she won't remember. For her second we only had close family and one of my good girlfriends over. Basically grandparents and us which is large enough because I come from divorce so that's a few extra people than most but it was low key. Do what feels right for your family and it'll be the perfect celebration for you and your little!
@lovelybabybumpz I’m at a state university, so I’m pretty sure they’re interpreting the law correctly in terms of what’s required. but it is total BS i think I’m not going to take any maternity leave at all and just work straight through. I’ll probably teach online, so I can get all my lectures recorded in advance. It’ll just mean grading postpartum. Luckily I get summers off. So I just have to make it with 3-5 weeks of grading work until I can rest. Lovely, right?
@kosmo86 Exactly! Some people enjoy throwing parties but it's extra stress for me. It sounds better to save parties to when they enjoy it. @professormama I really like the brunch idea! Very low key and sweet. It made my heart melt & I got teary eyed when you said he got to invite a friend at 3.. I can't wait for my son to have cute lil friends! Haha I'm hormonal @angelob88 I can see how it would be fun to celebrate with everyone even if it is more for the adults. It's a big deal that everyone survived to one! Haha
We do birthday parties but it’s mainly family,DH has a huge family that all live in town and throw a fit if they’re not invited. So basically everyone gets invited to the first birthday but after that it’s just close family. This year for DDs 5th birthday we just did a school friends party. We also had a casual cake and ice cream at my in laws. I personally like planning parties but I know others who don’t. It’s whatever works for your family
@elmich3 it’s so sweet when they start having friends. Also, if you want easy, the donut cake is 100% the way to go, and kids LOVE it. Here’s the “cake” from his second birthday
@gollygeeitsamy hell yes I’ve got a TA, praise the lord. I’ll still have to do all the grading for one of my classes because the subject matter is just too dense. But she can do most of the work for the two other classes I’ll have. I also might get a course release to down to two courses, which would really help.
@professormama that is a super cute idea! I never would have thought of setting up donuts to look like a cake.
My kid is obsessed with donuts. Every time we go to someone else’s birthday he asks if they’ll have donuts or cake. Every time, he’s disappointed. He actually doesn’t eat cake at all (weird, I know). I’m so on board, because this is so easy!!
@professormama that’s is super cute! We do a special donut breakfast on her birthday every year. I take a picture every year and want to make a special photo collage with them (and of course the new baby too).
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
You guys....they did it again. I went to pick up DD from my parents after work and for some reason my mom asked if she wants a brother or sister and she said both. When my mom told me this (she has been asking it periodically for the last 6-9 months) my dad and youngest siblings all chimed that i shouldn't have any more kids/please no more/we don't need more. It's really starting to get to me. Like i know that they don't know that i'm pregnant but still they know that we planned to have more at some point. It makes me not want to tell them even more.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
I'm so sorry you're dealing with that crap, @thatbaintforbetty!!! I'm sure once they know they will totally flip their position, but it doesn't make this any fun for you.
AFM - I had to leave work today around noon to pick up my sick kids from the dayhome. I totally get they don't want a bunch of sick kids, but they only had fevers. Literally no other symptoms. I just texted my boss to say that I won't be in tomorrow because I can't find anyone else to watch them and that I'm so sorry and me missing all this time for sick kids is not normal for us (this is the job I just started and haven't gotten through probation yet) and she responds with "Family is more important that work, take a sick day tomorrow. We'll just have to see how the next few months go." Oh, you mean the next few months when I have to tell you that I'm actually pregnant and won't even give you a full year of employment? Right. Cool. Just feeling super crummy. Ugh.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
Ughhhh. My mom just texted me saying that she told my little sister she could bring her boyfriend up to visit us, and he could stay on our couch. I’ve never met the guy and had to tell my mom that it wasn’t okay. Sooooo awkward. Then she made me feel bad about how her Home was always open to her daughters friends.
@mermaidca ugh that sucks so much. Do you have a spouse/ partner that could ever take off or use sick time? My husband and I typically alternate who stays home with kiddo to make sure neither of us uses up too much good will at work. We should have better support systems though. It shouldn’t be that hard
@mermaidca I know how you feel. I’m a temp right now and while they have said they intend to keep me, I don’t know when that will happen or if being pregnant will change things. Also if they hire me on I will not have been there a year so I have no idea how my leave will go. My boss is exactly the sameness though. She’s got 3 kids and when she started with the company was a WFH single parent. It’s also just me and my boss in my department and she’s made it clear that I am worlds better then people they’ve had before. But still there is a lot of uncertainty.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Thanks @professormama and @thatbaintforbetty . H started a new job after I did and they seem super strict about time off. They even have a policy that they don't want you taking any vacation in your first year. I feel like it's a bit much but in the long run, with 3 kids I doubt ill be going back to work. I don't want to burn bridges but he definitely needs to keep his! She said I was doing a good job but that's only going to keep her happy for so long. Darn kids!
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
I’m just over here jealous of everyone whose parents provide regular babysitting. We live with the in laws (different story) but MIL runs her own business and is on call at apparently all hours, plus FIL has a degenerative illness, so we get like 3 hrs a month of babysitting.
re birthdays: DD’s first birthday was a nice party because we lost control of her baptism to the grandmothers (who had opposing views of what the party should look like) and needed to reestablish that we were the parents and knew how to entertain. I think her parties up til school will look similar, ie close family and our friends with kids her age that she sees often at library or swim class or whatever. I strongly support the idea of making birthdays about the experience and letting the kid choose the experience, and ditching the expectation of a large gathering...but I also like to bake and eat cake.
@mermaidca & @thatbaintforbetty sorry for pregnancy job woes. I got laid off last pregnancy at 7 months. It was super stressful, so lots of big internet hugs while you deal with some insecurity on the job front. Sending "job working out" vibes to both of you.
Also, I just woke up from a dream where I was at a ballet class, and thought I was miscarrying. But actually I delivered surprise triplets at 10 weeks except they were closer to like 29 weeks. I was confused at how the ultrasound missed all that. And the ambulance never came to bring us to the hospital/NICU, so we got back to our apartment (which looks like nothing I’ve ever lived in) and there was an ice skating dance-off going on outside so for a while I was listening to commentary about pairs being on different edges. Meanwhile apparently my mother not only posted on Facebook about my triplets but also named them with the hospital (that we’re not at): phillipada, and two other equally heinous names that have slipped away. And then I got bit by a tarantula.
@kangstadt I’d rather have sex dreams than the dreams I’m having! @mermaidca I don’t know, but it’s getting old really quickly. I wake up and my heart is racing. Can our brains let us sleep in peace for one night??
@lyse01 ha. your dream sounds exactly like one I had a few weeks back. Where are all these triplets hiding? Also, sorry that you have the stress of living with your ILs with none of the perks. Having family around to help is amazing. When we got pregnant with DD, MIL was a raging alcoholic drug user. Now she's 18 months sober, lives nearby, and is so helpful when we need a break once in a while.
My brother just asked me to help him plan a date for tonight. Now I'm sitting here all sad and pity-partyish that I can't go on a fun date tonight because DH will be on call and we have no sitter and I would probs be tired and barfy anyways but DAMMIT I wanna go to an arts festival or an outdoor concert!
@chelseay416 I had them when I started typing and then...poof. But there was also a scene where some of the male ice skaters were doing a strength competition that involved (first) catching increasingly heavy/large/off balance items without falling or dropping them (think several weightlifting bars minus the weights, loosely attached), then building things with heavy parts and getting up on top, still in skates.
@lovelybabybumpz on the plus side, rent is free? And MIL likes to occupy DD while I cook, if she’s home. Meanwhile, that’s SO impressive of your MIL. I’m proud of her and I don’t even know her!
We had a fun little contest at work today where you had to guess where somebody was going to lunch and I was one of the winners! Now I get a gift card for a free lunch!
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Re: Weekly randoms thread 9/3
@mermaidca @BarefootContessa I’ve been stalking the BMBs ahead of us looking for entertainment. Glad May is open so I can stalk there too!
DD threw up all over her crib this morning, so I stayed home with her today. The best part was taking a shower with her and trying not to vomit myself from the smell. So far I've got about 5 minutes of work done. Sigh. She is extra cuddly though.
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
My son's 1st birthday is coming up in a few months. Growing up, my sister and I never had birthday parties, we always just did cake and something fun with my parents. Just as a family. My husband's side does a MILLION birthday parties. Every year his mom threw him 3 different ones for both sides and friends.
My husband is very relaxed and we both like the idea of being low key for birthdays, especially the first one, and just do cake and something fun the three of us. And if anyone wants to stop by if they have a gift, they obviously can. My mom is supportive with that and thinks, the simpler the better. She wants us to do whatever we want.
Well, I just has lunch with my mother in law, and she brought up him turning one soon and asked if I had a birthday party theme in mind yet. (Lol) She said it is now my responsibility as a parent to throw a nice birthday party. When I told her we may just do something the three of us, she almost had a heart attack! She was very upset and said she needed to be there to see him eat cake, etc. Ugh. It was awkward. They are VERY into birthday parties. She acted like I was a monster. My neices on that side get extravagant parties every year. We don't feel the need to do that, it sounds better to have an intimate time as a family, go on a trip, hotel, something fun! I loved it growing up.
So my question is, are we that crazy for not doing birthday parties?? My husband is not close to his family btw. How should I handle the MIL? Will it be awkward every year to do big celebrations for the husbands side's neices but never have anyone over for our son (and baby #2) I just need an outsiders perspective to this.
Sorry so long lol.
For us, we've done birthday parties every year but it's mostly family. Of course, I have a huge family so it tends to become a big affair, but I've been lucky that I can have the parties for free at work or at my house and my family chips in for food. My son is the first grandkid on my DH's side, so it's a good excuse for his family to get to see him and celebrate.
Maybe compromise and plan something for the 3 if you and tell them they are welcome to join if they want but that this is how you are choosing to celebrate.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
Maybe you can invite MIL over for a private cake smash or Skype with her so she can see him do that if that’s important to her.
Thank you so much for the advice and perspective! It really did help. I think we will do his party just the three of us this year but still say family can come by and let my mother in law know when he's eating cake if she wants to come. As he gets older he can pick what he wants to do as a family. I got one big friend party when I was 10 so we might do something similar to that. Our families are so small so I doubt it will ever be a big shin dig!
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
the first year, we lived in a tiny apartment so I bought a plastic tablecloth, pushed the furniture against the walls, and everyone just sat around on the floor. It was so fun!
but it is total BS
i think I’m not going to take any maternity leave at all and just work straight through. I’ll probably teach online, so I can get all my lectures recorded in advance. It’ll just mean grading postpartum. Luckily I get summers off. So I just have to make it with 3-5 weeks of grading work until I can rest. Lovely, right?
@professormama I really like the brunch idea! Very low key and sweet. It made my heart melt & I got teary eyed when you said he got to invite a friend at 3.. I can't wait for my son to have cute lil friends! Haha I'm hormonal
@angelob88 I can see how it would be fun to celebrate with everyone even if it is more for the adults. It's a big deal that everyone survived to one! Haha
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
AFM - I had to leave work today around noon to pick up my sick kids from the dayhome. I totally get they don't want a bunch of sick kids, but they only had fevers. Literally no other symptoms. I just texted my boss to say that I won't be in tomorrow because I can't find anyone else to watch them and that I'm so sorry and me missing all this time for sick kids is not normal for us (this is the job I just started and haven't gotten through probation yet) and she responds with "Family is more important that work, take a sick day tomorrow. We'll just have to see how the next few months go." Oh, you mean the next few months when I have to tell you that I'm actually pregnant and won't even give you a full year of employment? Right. Cool. Just feeling super crummy. Ugh.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@mermaidca ugh that sucks so much. Do you have a spouse/ partner that could ever take off or use sick time? My husband and I typically alternate who stays home with kiddo to make sure neither of us uses up too much good will at work. We should have better support systems though. It shouldn’t be that hard
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@gollygeeitsamy brilliant.
re birthdays: DD’s first birthday was a nice party because we lost control of her baptism to the grandmothers (who had opposing views of what the party should look like) and needed to reestablish that we were the parents and knew how to entertain. I think her parties up til school will look similar, ie close family and our friends with kids her age that she sees often at library or swim class or whatever. I strongly support the idea of making birthdays about the experience and letting the kid choose the experience, and ditching the expectation of a large gathering...but I also like to bake and eat cake.
w.t.f.
@mermaidca I don’t know, but it’s getting old really quickly. I wake up and my heart is racing. Can our brains let us sleep in peace for one night??
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
@lovelybabybumpz on the plus side, rent is free? And MIL likes to occupy DD while I cook, if she’s home. Meanwhile, that’s SO impressive of your MIL. I’m proud of her and I don’t even know her!
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019