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March 2019 Moms
maggiemadeit
member
Things I wish I had known...
maggiemadeit
member
I saw this on the Feb board and thought it was a great idea, so I wanted to bring it here to March.
So any STM+, what are the things you wish you had known with your first pregnancy/baby? Any important lessons we can share with FTM, (or with STM with post-childbirth amnesia)?
So any STM+, what are the things you wish you had known with your first pregnancy/baby? Any important lessons we can share with FTM, (or with STM with post-childbirth amnesia)?
Re: Things I wish I had known...
DS1: 9.6.12**DS2: 12.22.14
CP1: 6/17 @4w4d
CP2: 9/17 @4w3d
CP3: 2/18 @5w
Rainbow Baby On Board
<a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2019-03-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
Also, newborns sleep 20 hours a day but know that 19.5 of them will be on you. The dreams i had of all I would get done during naptime!
I ended up using the birth center stuff and the size 5s and 3s for less than a week. Then, I needed just standard menstrual pads for another six weeks, and I had to get more. Which wasn't a huge deal, but still, annoying I didn't have it.
Get some big pads, sure, but don't skimp on standard pads because you'll need those the longest. (And pantiliners too)
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
Stool softeners aren't necessary. I didn't take one, and the first poop was no big deal. (If it matters, I had a 2nd degree tear and stitches.) I followed the instructions my dad was given when he had hernia surgery. Don't push. If you have to sit there for 45 minutes waiting for it to come out, then you just sit there for 45 minutes. So that's mostly what I did. Some very, very gentle pushes, but just taking my time. It didn't hurt very much, and it was no big deal. And I maybe sat there for 5 minutes. I won't be taking softeners this time either.
I’ll add a ha, ha at spending 45 minutes in the bathroom taking my time. My daughter was screaming her head off when nature called and I didn’t have the luxury. In fact I even held her for a bit just so I could “concentrate”.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
I also agree with asking for help. I didn’t know what to ask for, but honestly, if someone could have just held the baby for an hour while I napped/bathed/ate, I could have better enjoyed the first few months with my sweet pop.
Enjoy the little cuddling moments that happen happen in the beginning, and babies only cry when they need something. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby the first twelve months of their life. If baby wants cuddles, I’m gonna give baby cuddles. If it makes them feel comforted then I’m doing my job as mom.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
I had a rough labor that ended in a c-section, and some complications afterwards that had us stuck in the hospital for almost a week. After that my mom came and stayed with us, forced me to take naps, stocked my freezer with meals, cleaned the house, and basically force fed me for a week. When it was time for her to leave, I cried and begged her to stay a few more days. I still say I wouldn’t have survived the first week without her.
Any new mom that isn’t already prepared with it, I give dermoplast (the blue can, NEVER red) prep H wipes, and stool softeners.
I would like to add, keep an open mind about birth. Have a plan of what you want to do but know going into it that every labor and delivery is different and it might not be what you expect. My husband claims the best (and only useful) piece of advice we got from the birthing class we took was that your wife might turn into a completely different person during labor. This was definitely true for me. Also my first and second births were completely different pain wise so I know to not expect it to be the same the third time around!
Last one, make sure you advocate for yourself. Once you leave that hospital, you are on your own! If you are in pain or not comfortable with breastfeeding, etc, you make sure someone helps you with it until you are comfortable.
Even though I was told 1 in 3 women end up with a c section I was sure I would be successful with my unmedicated birth and up until the crash c section it went perfect. It was very traumatic for all of us and I wish I had at least allowed myself to consider the potential so I wouldn’t have felt like a failure when it happened.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
https://www.asahq.org/about-asa/newsroom/news-releases/2015/10/eating-a-light-meal-during-labor
^^An article from the American Society of Anesthesiologists about eating during labor.
Just for background and the reason I feel strongly about this topic. I was induced at 37+6 for no weight gain by the baby (IUGR). I was admitted to the hospital Thursday night at 10 pm (night 1). 24 hours later, I made no progress and my OBGYN did allow me to eat the second night (Friday). The 3rd night (Saturday), she broke my water around 8:45. My daughter was born Sunday at 13:33. I ate Sunday about 7 after being settled in our new room. That would have been ~48 hours without food had I not eaten a baked potato (small potato, just butter and sour cream, very bland, but filling) on Saturday night before she broke my water. I will add, I was nervous, anxious, excited, overwhelmed, scared, etc. so being hungry wasn't on my mind, but my mom made me eat, haha. The nurse did see me, and she just said, "I'll pretend I don't see that."
Obviously everyone's experience will be different and I'm not forcing you to bring snacks to the hospital, or suggesting you disregard what your doctor or anesthesiologist might say. Every pregnancy, doctor, hospital is different.
TL;DR - bring snacks; you'll need energy; they can't kick you out.
Things I knew and I was thankful I knew because I wouldn’t have known without boards like this - bring snacks to the hospital (to follow the intense workout, you will be starving. I ate 3 protein bars because I finally gave birth at 12am. There was no hope for real food. Also they don’t feed partners), take everything from the hospital room (a nurse encouraged us because you pay for it anyway. Even the bath basins have become cleaning buckets and puke buckets at home), write down your birth story ASAP (I wrote it down a few hours later when the baby was sleeping. I never would have remembered most of the details with the following days of sleep deprivation), and trust your body (I basically slept through the end of labor because I was exhausted but my body still woke me up to push and then I had the adrenaline rush of a lifetime).
When you're a new mom, eating and showering are important. Make sure your partner or a family member helps you with these simple tasks because you will forget otherwise.
Anyway, so all that to say, definitely check on the food situation where you're giving birth before hand! A PP said they don't give food to partners. I don't know if she meant just during labor, but I know people who have delivered in hospitals and the meal afterward is a special meal for you both.
I wish I had known that home birth is safer than hospital births. I had thought about it with my first and then decided to do it for my second if my first went alright....well the hospital made more complications then there needed to be and I ended with an “emergency” (unnecessary) c-s with PTSD that causes me to always doubt doctors - 7 years later and it’s still a major issue I am have to work through. I went on to have a much easier birth at home, with Hypnobabies, for my second and planning for the same this time.
Wish i knew what to expect down there after having a baby. I actually had little to no pain but I'd pee and not know it. I was walking in my hospital room and noticed pee trail behind me. I had no control. I still have issues 1.5 years later and I'm in pelvic floor therapy. When i started i could not even feel to do a kegel. I shouldve started much sooner bc i had major low back pain too.
I also got hemorrhoids 5+ days after bc no one stressed stool softener.
Depends were my friend between my leaky bladder and bleeding. I wore diapers for 3 straight weeks. No shame
Also if you think something isn't right, stay on your provider. The nurses brushed it off but i ended up with retained placenta 10 days after his birth. It was very scary...i thought an organ fell out. I had to have an emergency m d and c. I was so confused by all info i was given at discharge.
-I decided the term "blood, sweat, and tears" was coined to describe the postpartum weeks. You may feel gross and nothing like yourself for awhile. You will find yourself again. Give it time.
-In my experience, birth plans are a joke. At the very least, be open minded.
-Lean on the people you need to lean on. If someone is negative or causes you stress, do what you have to do to keep them at arm's length. It doesn't matter who it is. You don't owe anyone anything.
-Hang on to some gift cards from the baby shower. You will inevitably need something you had no idea you needed. It's nice to be able to hand your H or your mom a gift card and have them go pick it up.
1. After birth I was offered pain meds by the nurses. I was tired and sore so I accepted it thinking this was common. I later found out it not that common to take strong pain meds after birth most people just take ibuprofen and that’s about it. I developed a HORRIBLE reaction to this medication. I was having night terrors, was very tearful, I couldn’t lay down without feeling like my chest was caving in, I thought I got head lice at the hospital because I felt like bugs were crawling on my head (which lasted for months every time I breastfed). So I tell you this because I have learned to advocate for myself and ask more questions. Next time I won’t take any meds except potentially ibuprofen. I will also be more in tune with my own body and not so concerned with visitors/etc. Your time in the hospital/birthing center/with your midwife at home is your time to ask questions and talk through everything you are feeling.
2. You do need newborn clothes I feel like everyone continued to tell me we didn’t need them that he wouldn’t be in them long anyways that 0-3 is the same he can wear those. 0-3 is not the same, and babies go through multiple outfits/day (ours was a huge spitter!). We thankfully had my mom pick us up some more NB clothes but yes you do need them. Also I suggest getting the ones with mittens built in the mittens never stayed on my LOs hands.
3. If you are planning to breastfeed ... You do need sleeping nursing bras. Even if you wait to get some nicer ones for when you go back to work, wear nice clothes, etc. after I had baby I wore nursing tank tops, sweatpants, and my maternity t-shirts with sleeping nursing bras. The sleep ones are very soft and you can easily put pads in them. Your baby will eat every 3 hours or more from the time of the beginning of the last feed. And like someone else mentioned this causes night sweats which makes you want to shower (for me twice a day) which means I was going through 2-3 nursing bras/day. Most of mine came in packs of 2 from target I plan on getting way more this time. Also I would suggest picking up the breastfeeding heating/cooling pads they will be necessary when your milk comes in.
4. Every time I fed baby in the first week or so after delivery I was RUNNING to the restroom to pee. When they eat it makes your uterus contract on your bladder and when you breastfeed you are very thirsty so your bladder is usually full. I just wish I had known that. In the hospital this was a problem for me because I had DH help me get to the bathroom (due to my horrible med reaction that I was normal). And he had to put baby back in the crib to help me, etc. this next time I’ll be using the nurses more for things like this
I actually had very little pain until the third day when it got so painful I couldn't sit. I had to lie down or lean on my side. My mom had given me Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm and Bottom Tea. I'd been using the balm, and it felt nice. (The midwives had also given me a spray bottle with witch hazel and whatever in it that seemed to help, too.) I tend to be a little bit skeptical of natural stuff. I use it because I prefer avoiding meds if possible, but I tend to think it can't possibly work as well as meds. Well, I never took meds, so I can't compare, but that tea was like magic!!!! It was basically a large tea bag that you steeped for a few minutes and then put in your underwear. I chilled it in the freezer first. The pain was gone within 45 minutes! It was so amazing! And then the excess liquid from steeping you can use to make "padsicles," which I did.
I can't swear by that stuff enough! Definitely recommend it to others!
Anyway, so your mileage may vary regarding pain and such with tearing and post birth.
Also, I would've been more prepared with breastfeeding supplies, like the random stuff you don't think of. My SIL is a lactation consultant and got me the best basket of goodies. Three packs of granola bars (you'll be starving), a 60oz reusable water bottle to stay hydrated, a set of 12 nursing pads (need to be changed multiple times per day in the beginning), and these amazing Medela cooling gel things you put in the fridge for sore nips.
Pat yourself dry after you rinse with the peribottle cloths are more comfortable then tp if you don’t mine the extra laundry (don’t wash or dry with scented anything)
The witch hazel pads can sting a little but give them a chance they are soothing and this sounds weird but if I knew I would be sitting for a bit I would tuck a pad between my cheeks just where the hemmroids were for a couple hours. They went away much faster then just wiping with a pad and made me feel less slimy then the cream.
Lastly to all the stool softener comments MOST Drs prescribe or recommend them if you are on daily pain meds even just the ibprofun 800’s bc those pain meds will back you up! I have an uncle dr, aunt nurse, and sister who is a nurse and they all assured me it’s normal. Plus they work at 2 different hospitals and an emergency room so several different facilities practice, makes me pretty confident that staying on them while on pain meds is fine. And if you have 45 mins to try and poop and don’t want to take pills that’s great but with a newborn and 3 other littles at home I don’t see that as an option for myself. If I did have 45 mins I think I’d take the pills, poop fast, and take a quiet bath instead
2. "Breast is best" but Follow with the Bottle! Sometimes hospital staff can be too overzealous with breastfeeding (with good reason, it isn't as easy as you think it will be and it can take like a week for your milk to come in). It's normal for your baby to lose weight the week after they are born (they get a little bloated floating in all that fluid) but count those wet diapers religiously to make sure they aren't getting dehydrated. And if they're still not growing after a week, talk to your pediatrician about supplementing with formula (don't give a baby water, it can hurt their little kidneys). One of my best friends thought her newborn had colic for a month before she tried offering him formula, turns out he was just not getting enough milk. Another mom friend had a baby that seemed to be "spitting up" more than the normal amount, turns out he was severely lactose intolerant and couldn't breakdown breastmilk, she had to try a bunch of different formulas before she found one that worked. I had to do the same once my kiddo hit 6 months because it turns out he had a dairy protein (not lactose) sensitivity. Voice concerns to the pediatrician early and often.
3. On that note, find a pediatrician with a 24-hour nurse on-call help line if you can. It's really helpful when your kid gets their first fever at 4am and you're not sure if you need to take them to the ER.
4. Yes, you're going to want a foot stool if you're nursing in a gliding rocker. It doesn't have to be a matching set, but something to prop your feet up so you can rest the pillow on your knees and get baby up to the boob more easily. And get one of those backrest pillows with the little arms for nursing in bed.