I actually stuck to most of the things I said I’d do, but we were lucky and my kids were pretty easy toddlers so I’m sure that had a lot to do with it. I also didn’t plan to do anything too ambitious though, probably making our own baby food was the most ambitious thing (and my kids wouldn’t even eat the jarred stuff so we didn’t have much choice for that). My kids also didn’t care about TV for the longest time. No screen time is easy when the kids aren’t interested in it.
I did say I wouldn’t be the parent that sat there while their kid ran around being loud in public... Fast forward to Father’s Day weekend this year and there were my 2 kids all sugared up from *gasp* their SECOND ice cream of the day running in circles around the outdoor tables while my husband and I chatted with some out-of-town relatives and occasionally reminded them to stay out of people’s way. Not once did I even tell them to stop running around. Childless me would have been so embarrassed for me and annoyed by the kids, but me now just needed the adult conversation.
Regarding pacifiers, I just didn’t want one more thing I’d have to wean him from. He used a pacifier for maybe a couple of hours once, around 10 days old, and then never wanted it again, so that worked out.
For me I didn’t want her to have a paci because I developed a severe overbite from having mine too long and I didn’t want that to happen to her. She’s just shy of 2 and I started only giving them to her at night to fall asleep, but she’s been doing great.
FTM I originally wanted to avoid pacifiers because of the chance of nipple confusion and having to wean them off of it. I am more open to it now after we have established BF and because of a family member avoiding it with one of their kids the kid is like 12-13 and always has his hands in his mouth. A pacifier seems easier to `break` them of. Also cautious as have heard from BF groups that using a pacifier can case you to miss when a baby is actually hungry.
I’m hoping this kid will use a pacifier instead of his thumb because I remember how hard it was to break the thumb habit! I was 4 before I finally quit for a bribe.
FTM I originally wanted to avoid pacifiers because of the chance of nipple confusion and having to wean them off of it. I am more open to it now after we have established BF and because of a family member avoiding it with one of their kids the kid is like 12-13 and always has his hands in his mouth. A pacifier seems easier to `break` them of. Also cautious as have heard from BF groups that using a pacifier can case you to miss when a baby is actually hungry.
Honestly not sure how that’s possible. If the baby is hungry and you give the pacifier, they figure out nothing is coming out pretty quickly and will start crying again.
@purplegoldfish2 that is what I thought too but I guess they learn that every time they are hungry they won't necessarily get food. I will have to do more research, might depend on age too.
Definitely more screen time than I thought I would allow, but... whatever. We use within reason and the older they get, I can see that they view using the ipad/leappads/my phone as a 'special allowance' which actually makes me feel good, lol.
I also thought I would be big on tough love, setting boundaries, rules. I still do these things but it is MUCH harder for me and I really have to push myself to not give in or spoil the kids. I didn't think I'd be a pushover at all, but as it turns out, Dad's bad cop, Mom's good cop!
I think when they are teeny tiny it’s really important to make sure you’re feeding first (unless you have a particularly fussy baby). This ensures your supply comes in if you BFing. DS was a big baby and he nursed all the time. Plus there is several big growth spurts at 3wks and 6wks. That being said have we discussed how if you’re planning to nurse just expect that to be your life for the first few months while baby figures it out.
FTM...DH and I are very anti-screen time and want to limit it as much as possible, including at restaurants. We figure, we colored on tables as kids, why can't they do that now? (LOL) I also feel like we are those people who are like "oh, my kid would NEVER do that..." I'm going to remain blissfully ignorant and assume our plans/lifestyle will work. Because naivety is less stressful than preparing for an eventual public meltdown.
(Guys don't burst my bubble, I need to cling to this and know everything will be ok haha)
@jemmerjams re: screentime, as a parent who basically doesn’t do any screentime aside from when we’re clipping DS’s nails to keep him still, I will say that while it’s really hard and tiring, it is possible to stick to it. Not knocking anyone who gives up on it, because there’s plenty of times that I would have loved to give DS an iPad or put on the tv so I could relax, but if you are really committed to it, you can do it. Especially when it comes to restaurants, always have things with you that LO can play with/do, and be prepared to have to take him/her away from the table for a few minutes if need be. DS will sometimes get restless when we’re waiting for our food to get there, so one of us will take him for a quick walk around the block or just step outside so he can run around for a couple minutes and then come back in. Usually that does the trick to keep him calm when he comes back. Also crayons and coloring are always good choices.
I agree with @pumpkinpancake about screen time at restaurants. We never brought anything to entertain them and would just talk to them, point out things in the restaurant, and ask them questions when they were younger. It is more work, but now they are really good about waiting patiently and not needing to be entertained when we go out. Some places do offer crayons and paper and the boys will use them if they’re available, but it’s not a big deal if we go someplace that doesn’t have it.
@knottieamusements good luck with that! I said the same thing. I will say for awhile (especially during the day) it was easy to do so. You are so enamored with them. But having a kid that wanted to be latched on literally most the day and ALL night (and would freak out if you unlatched him) there were many nights I spent on my phone while he was mostly "asleep" to keep myself from falling asleep. Also as they get older it changes. I hope you are successful!
And it's definitely funny to look back at these things after they are about 1+ (we did it on my j16 group)
@knottieamusements I had to be on my phone when I would feed at night. You’re so tired and BFing can relax you. For me, to stay awake while sitting in a glider in the dark I would have to pull up random articles to read.
@jemmerjams We don’t do screen time at restaurants ever. He has non interest in the crayons either, but if he gets real restless while we are waiting we just go for a walk.
@knottieamusements I definitely was on my phone while nursing, but I stuck to my no TV at night while nursing. The nurse who did my NB care class really stressed night and day difference, so at night I was very careful to keep the lights dim and no time or extra noise.
I feel like the first 3 months was constant breastfeeding with like 1 or 2 hour breaks between. And my kid would feed for 2 hours at a time. My whole life was my chair and my boob pillow or my bed and boob pillow. Basically 2 stations that I'd set up with a ton of water, plenty of snacks, books, phone and charger and remote in the living room. I definitely watched tv during the day and phone at night while breastfeeding. Sure it is a great time to bond, but when it's like 16 hours a day, you'll want the entertainment and something to keep you awake at night.
+1 to using the phone while nursing, especially at night. The light isn’t good for sleep hygiene, but I was so tired I was afraid I’d fall asleep nursing them and suffocate one or both. The light/stimulation made me feel safer nursing at night, especially since MH would get up to help and then fall back asleep on the couch instead of making sure I stayed awake.
I feel like the first 3 months was constant breastfeeding with like 1 or 2 hour breaks between. And my kid would feed for 2 hours at a time. My whole life was my chair and my boob pillow or my bed and boob pillow. Basically 2 stations that I'd set up with a ton of water, plenty of snacks, books, phone and charger and remote in the living room. I definitely watched tv during the day and phone at night while breastfeeding. Sure it is a great time to bond, but when it's like 16 hours a day, you'll want the entertainment and something to keep you awake at night.
I wanted to make DD’s baby food. That lasted about a month. I would come home from work at 11pm (I worked second shift at the time) and be up till like 2am making baby food until finally I said to myself “this is not making me a better mother” and switched to jars.
I said we would never cosleep and DD has been sleeping in our bed since she was 18 months (she’s turning four in two weeks). Put the kid in her big girl bed and she screams for an hour, put her in our bed and she goes right to sleep. I just tell myself she won’t be 16 and still sleeping in our bed.
TTC History
Me: 35 DH: 34 Married 07/2012 DD born 07/2014 DD2 born 10/2018 DS born 10/2022
IF history: TTC #2 since January 2016 June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018 FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
Re: I was...wrong...
I did say I wouldn’t be the parent that sat there while their kid ran around being loud in public... Fast forward to Father’s Day weekend this year and there were my 2 kids all sugared up from *gasp* their SECOND ice cream of the day running in circles around the outdoor tables while my husband and I chatted with some out-of-town relatives and occasionally reminded them to stay out of people’s way. Not once did I even tell them to stop running around. Childless me would have been so embarrassed for me and annoyed by the kids, but me now just needed the adult conversation.
Definitely more screen time than I thought I would allow, but... whatever. We use within reason and the older they get, I can see that they view using the ipad/leappads/my phone as a 'special allowance' which actually makes me feel good, lol.
I also thought I would be big on tough love, setting boundaries, rules. I still do these things but it is MUCH harder for me and I really have to push myself to not give in or spoil the kids. I didn't think I'd be a pushover at all, but as it turns out, Dad's bad cop, Mom's good cop!
(Guys don't burst my bubble, I need to cling to this and know everything will be ok haha)
You and me both.
I will never be on my phone when I am breastfeeding- all my attention will be on my sweet bundle of joy...
We need to revive this thread for the FTMs about when our kids are about a year old...
when we’re clipping DS’s nails to keep him still, I will say that while it’s really hard and tiring, it is possible to stick to it. Not knocking anyone who gives up on it, because there’s plenty of times that I would have loved to give DS an iPad or put on the tv so I could relax, but if you are really committed to it, you can do it. Especially when it comes to restaurants, always have things with you that LO can play with/do, and be prepared to have to take him/her away from the table for a few minutes if need be. DS will sometimes get restless when we’re waiting for our food to get there, so one of us will take him for a quick walk around the block or just step outside so he can run around for a couple minutes and then come back in. Usually that does the trick to keep him calm when he comes back. Also crayons and coloring are always good choices.
And it's definitely funny to look back at these things after they are about 1+ (we did it on my j16 group)
@knottieamusements I definitely was on my phone while nursing, but I stuck to my no TV at night while nursing. The nurse who did my NB care class really stressed night and day difference, so at night I was very careful to keep the lights dim and no time or extra noise.
I said we would never cosleep and DD has been sleeping in our bed since she was 18 months (she’s turning four in two weeks). Put the kid in her big girl bed and she screams for an hour, put her in our bed and she goes right to sleep. I just tell myself she won’t be 16 and still sleeping in our bed.
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22