IF Testing & Treatment week of 7/9

lulu1180 · July 2018

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ball game. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been):

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA):

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?):

How are things going?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why?

50Wife · July 2018

Happy Monday, ladies!

Diagnosis (if you've been): MFI - Low count

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WFFET!

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Lots of drugs and transferring our embryo

How are things going?: Just kind of in the waiting phase. Appt tomorrow for bloodwork and scan to see how things are looking. Should know when to start my suppositories and PIO tomorrow too while will be nice to have a full game plan.

Any questions?: Any one have tips or tricks to choke down a pill when your body is just feeling shitty and looking at the pill puts a lump in your throat?
I'm on estrace and metformin at the moment and by dinner time, just looking at the pills gags me.

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Smart phones. Take me back to a phone call to see where someone is. No social media, no people just staring at their phones all the time, no more not being able to do anything without everyone knowing what you're doing. I'm guilty of being on my phone too much and I've been trying to back off of it lately.

thegirlwhowaited_ · July 2018

Diagnosis (if you've been): unexplained infertility so far

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): I had serum AMH done 6/18 (CD4), had an RE appointment to go over that last week. I'm going off my OPKs that I ovulated 7/1 because I had a positive OPK 6/30 and negatives 7/1 and 7/2. But when they tested my progesterone it was 1.6 and the nurse told me it was on the rise, so I hadn't ovulated yet and should either later that day of my appointment or the next day. I hadn't been continuing to do OPKs because I got 2 negative. Thoroughly confused. The plan moving forward is to schedule an HSG on CD1 and then next cycle to try IUI if there aren't any tube blockages. If there are any tube blockages then my RE wants to dive right in to IVF.

How are things going?: I'm confused on my ovulation this cycle, but I'm looking forward to getting the HSG done since that is the very last test of the testing process.

Any questions?: Any suggestions on what to expect from the HSG?

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why?
Part of me wants to say cell pones because I hate seeing everyone with their nose in a screen all the time instead of having a conversation with the people in front of them, but I also don't know what I would do with out it some times.

lulu1180 · July 2018

@50Wife OMG, your FET seems so close but yet so far away! I'm keeping my everything crossed that you have the little embie that could!

@thrgirlwhowaited I've heard varying accounts of other's HSG experience. Mine was mostly painless other than some mild, near AF-like, cramps when they shot the dye through my uterus. I would suggest taking ibuprofen about an hour before the appointment to help with the discomfort. For me, it was kind of like a pap, except I was laying on a hard metal x-ray table instead of the normal cushy exam table

Diagnosis (if you've been): AMA/DOR, high prolactin

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): last cycle before IUI

How are things going?: My body threw another wrench into this cycle. I didn't get my normal blazing positive OPK, but I got what looked like very likely positive OPKs on Saturday and Sunday. Otherwise, I'm just starting to kind of internally freak out that next cycle we're trying the IUI. I'm trying to temper any hope I have for next cycle. I just have to message the REs office to make sure I have all of the information before the cycle starts.

Any questions?: (ETA) Testing out a trigger for an IUI...yes/no, pros/cons. Anyone who has any input on what they did and why and if you would do it again.

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Like PPs, I lean towards smart phones. I think that they are both one of the greatest and worst things to ever be invented. It's amazing to have all that information at your fingertips; but at the same time, society as a whole is too dependent on them (myself included). I miss simpler times when people used to have actual conversations instead of staring at their phones all the time.

AlohaKumu · July 2018

@50Wife I'm so excited that you are finally getting to prep for your FET! I am a horrible pill taker, but usually I will try to focus on a single point or read some text that's at eye level to concentrate on that rather than on the pill. There are times when I actually prefer the shots to the pills!

@thrgirlwhowaited My HSG wasn't bad at all. I had a great nurse who kept me busy with chatting throughout the procedure, so I barely felt anything. However, I know some of our ladies had a terrible time of it, so it can really vary from person to person.

@lulu1180 Gah, that's so frustrating that you didn't get a clear positive OPK. I haven't had to test out any triggers, but I am notorious for testing in general. Last time it got completely out of control and I was totally BSC. I will test again when we can get to the next FET, but I'm going to wait longer and limit myself.

Diagnosis (if you've been): DH--azoo, me--endometritis

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): CD3

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): AF showed up on Saturday, just over 6 weeks after my hysteroscopy. I expected that I would have a day of spotting or that my cycle would be lighter, but so far this is a really heavy cycle. I left a message for my doctor so we can schedule the biopsy to make sure the treatment for endometritis worked.

How are things going?: Pretty great. My friends are just the best and welcomed me with a giant hug circle when I returned to the running/hiking group this week. I've been taking advantage of working out and having lots of energy while I'm not on any meds.

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? For the rest of the world--cell phones in public. DH and I are actually pretty great about not using our phones when we are out. It drives me crazy when people are "wexting" (walk-texting) and I internally rage when I see people using technology while driving. For me personally--anything that emits an ultra-sonic pitch. Funny enough, DH and I both hear electronic sounds that we statistically shouldn't be able to hear at our ages. A few years back, my students had one of those apps that adults aren't supposed to be able to hear. Well I heard it loud and clear, so I let them know if I heard it again, I would be holding all their phones until the end of class. They were baffled that I caught them and were convinced that the app had broken. Ha ha!

rallykat14 · July 2018

Diagnosis (if you've been): endometriosis and low amh

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): tww

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): FET with donor egg

How are things going?: tomorrow is beta and I know I'm out. Today is 10p3dt I took a wonfo yesterday and even though it expired last month I have a hard time believing it's not accurate. It was stark freaking white. I don't even want to go for the beta. Wtaf

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Fancy features on everything...I'm fine that they offer it but can a girl just get a base model of something?

nitnat007 · July 2018

@50Wife OH getting so close! Everything crossed for you over here. Sorry you are struggling with those pills. I tend to struggle with the big ones too, but I have real advice though. I just try and take them with something that tastes good so I cant tell. GL.
@thrgirlwhowaited So glad that you have a plan moving forward. Although I hope that you don't have to initiate it and you can get KU on your own. Let me know how the HSG goes.
@lulu1180 Come on body! Stick with the plan. So frustrating that you got thrown another wrench. Hopefully you can get this next cycle started soon.
@AlohaKumu So sorry to hear you are having a heavy cycle after your procedure. I do hope that everything gotten though and you get good news from your doctor. Yay for getting energy back and being able to workout with friends again. Enjoy it! Always makes me feel better when I can get moving.
That is too funny about your students too. You must have gotten such a chuckle out of it.
@rallykat14 Aw friend my heart breaks for you. I sending you all the love and positive vibes right now. I truly hope that that expired test is wrong. *hugs*

Diagnosis (if you've been): Testing - AMA, low morph

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): RE appt tomorrow.

How are things going?: Welp I had to test yesterday and be sure that I wasn't one of those super SS and get KTFU right before the RE appointment. I have also been fighting a cold so that didn't help the crazy and seeing that stark white strip was a gut punch. But, on wards we go. Hopefully tomorrow we start getting some answers and move forward with somewhat of a plan.

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? I think I would have to agree with cell phones. They are a blessing and a curse. They keep me in touch with my family that are far away. But I do wish that we did not rely on them so much and lived with our faces glued to them all the time. Yes, I am guilty of this to a degree. DH is very bad though.

jrm_14 · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited My HSG was much like @lulu1180 's. I took ibuprophen about 30 minutes before my appointment. Make sure to wear underpants & a pad. @50wife Sorry you're having trouble with your medication

Have you paired it with something you like to eat/drink or taken it in pudding/butter/ice cream? SO CLOSE TO TRANSFER!! @lulu1180 If you test out the trigger, I'd do it from the day after IUI. I've tested it out & not tested it. It was really cool to see what a +HPT looks like, but was super sad to see it disappear. It helped know if I was getting a false + or not. It made me know about how long the trigger was in my system so if I wanted to not test it out next time & test at home, I'd have an idea of how long to wait. @alohakumu Giant hug circles FTW! That's a bummer about the heavy cycle. I'm glad you can enjoy your time med-free & find joy in other activities. @nitnat007 It is a sucky feeling to have that last hope that you'll be a SS & not need to move forward. As someone said last week, it can happen at any stage- heading into an RE, before medicated/IUI/IVF cycles-whatever. Be kind to yourself, friend. @rallykat14 Ugh. I have nothing comforting to say. That effing sucks

Diagnosis: MFI/LPD/endometriosis/adenomyosis/partial septum removed/auto-immune cross over Status: TWW What are you doing this cycle: We tried on our own. How are things going: Much better

I had asked my PCP for an increase in my antidepressants in March & was declined. Friday, I emailed her a list of reasons & things I have been doing to help. She finally upped my dosage again. I feel more like myself already. *TW-pregnancy-not mine* Being at my sister's this weekend was not as difficult as I thought it would be- though I'm not sure how next weekend there will go when I head there to meet the new baby (she's being induced today). I've been able to be open with her about 'I'm happy for you, sad for me' & she's been supportive. *End TW* GTKY: Cable television- It's expensive & a time suck. There's so many other options. I think if we had less television in our house, we'd be more inclined to be outside or be more active. I also agree with the smart phones.

Avrilmai · July 2018

@lulu1180 I've done both testing out the trigger and not testing. For me, the testing out the trigger was painful. I've never seen a real positive test and seeing a 'fake' positive was hard and by the time I got to like 10 or 11dpt it was hard to discern if there was a line or not and it kind of gave me false hope that the line had faded, but was coming back. I've never really been a tester. So, last IUI I just waited the 14 dpIUI and tested then. I find that to be better for my overall mental health.
@thrgirlwhowaited my HSG wasn't too bad, but everyone has a different experience. I took 2 advil about 30mins before and the nurse prepped me by saying it was going to be "the worst period cramps you've ever experienced." I think her setting it up to be so painful actually helped me. I would definitely take a pain reliever that you know works for you. Also, bring a liner or pad. My clinic provides them, but not all places do.
@50Wife I'm sending much love your way. Maybe a small reward for yourself after you take the pills?
@AlohaKumu I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you. I hope AF isn't too bad the whole time she's here
@rallykat14 shit, I'm really hoping your expired test is wrong. we're here. IF just sucks.
@nitnat007 GL tomorrow. Any expectations for the plan with the RE?
@jrm_14 glad to hear the doctor listened and increased your dose and more so that you're feeling more like yourself. Good for you for being your own advocate.

Diagnosis (if you've been): Unexplained (officially), also AMA and low AMH

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WFIVF

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): had the saline sono this morning and it went well, no issues. Met with the RE to go over the basics of IVF and to get my calendar and discuss cycle/meds/etc. I will start stims in early August. So for now it is just BCP and self-care.

How are things going?: fast. It is crazy to think that 3 weeks ago I did an IUI and now I'm preparing for IVF.

Any questions?: for those of you that have done ER, what were your doses for stims? I'm just curious as to how mine compares as it is "aggressive". I've been reading the low AMH thread and some of the older IVF threads on the IF boards too.

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Backup cameras in cars. I hate them and I think people are worse drivers because of them. like if you can't back your compact car out of a parking spot without using a camera then should you be driving at all? (guess that my dad's car ranting has rubbed off on me. lol)

sheepshepherdess · July 2018

@50Wife good luck with your FET, so exciting!!

@thrgirlwhowaited if you are good with speculums and cramping, the HSG should be relatively low pain. I second the advice to take either ibuprofen or tylenol beforehand, it helps a lot. I don't do well with speculums, my cervix is in a weird place (lots of repositioning and pulling in and out), and I'm really sensitive to cramping, so mine was pretty painful during and after. Ask the Dr if they'll show you the x-ray of your tubes while you're lying there, that's the fun part.

[Edited because sometimes I misread life]

@AlohaKumu hold onto those friends, they sound like keepers!

@rallykat14 I'm so sorry

Diagnosis (if you've been): unexplained, hypothyroidism(treating)

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO I guess, had to skip this month.

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): IUI as soon as we can

How are things going?: Did 2 Clomid w/trigger IUI cycles, then RE switched the FSH to letrozole. Well when I went in for midcycle w/the substitute Dr there was nothing there at all. My RE was out of town for the 4th, so I spent two days panicking that the letrozole wasn't working and that we would miss this cycle. When she came back she told me that I had already ovulated (on day 14, which never happens for me) and that the letrozole did its job too well. So we had to skip. Now WFAF and then back to WTO.

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Facial recognition tech. I'm not a fan of the ways it's been used to track marginalized folks.

thegirlwhowaited_ · July 2018

Thanks for the advise ladies. @sheepshepherdess they have a screen mounted to the ceiling for ultrasounds and she said it would be the same for the HSG. So I can watch it while it's happening.

sheepshepherdess · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited lucky! I had to go into the hospital to do the HSG, my RE doesn't do them. And I don't get to see the US unless I ask. I love seeing all my insides on a monitor

50Wife · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited I'm with most of the ladies here who had a relatively easy HSG. Definitely some intense cramping, but as soon as they're done...the cramping is done. I didn't take meds beforehand (meant to...just forgot) but I took it after to avoid any cramps. Good luck - it's pretty cool to watch, although it was tough for me to follow wtf was actually happening since it was all via ultrasound.
@lulu1180 Why are our bodies assholes during the right months?!
I never tested out my triggers, I just waited until about 10DPO before I took a test knowing if there was a faint line that it could still be the trigger. If you have a bunch of cheapies, it couldn't hurt if you're curious. I personally didn't want to see a fake BFP from the trigger so I didn't bother.
@AlohaKumu I said that to a co-worker the other day that I'd almost prefer a shot. At least it's one and done for the day! I hope you can get that biopsy scheduled ASAP and you get the good news that you can move forward! Also, I love your term wexting and I'd love to test out that app and see if I could hear it. I went to an ENT and after testing my hearing she said I had the best hearing out of anyone she's done a hearing test on. I was proud of my ears lol
@rallykat14 dude, what the fuck?! I'm sorry!! I'm seriously hoping that somehow that test was dead wrong, but I know if one of you guys said that to me at that point I'd probably roll my eyes.
@nitnat007 Good luck tomorrow! Let us know how things go!
@jrm_14 I'm glad your doc listened and increased your meds...and that you were open with your sister. The whole happy for you but sad for me is exactly what it is with stuff like that and I'm glad she's understanding.
@Avrilmai It can be good and bad that it's moving quickly - not too much time to just sit and wait and wait like most of the IF game...but like holy hell it's coming in hot! I hope everything is smooth for you going forward!! I don't know how aggressive my treatment would have been and how it is compared to others but Gonal F I had 300 (that they later decreased to 225) and menopur was 75 (this was also decreased)
@sheepshepherdess oh WTF! That suuucks!! Did AF show? Did you guys try on your own at all that you could have possibly had some decent timing?

KristoKekerooni · July 2018

@lulu1180 , It all comes down to whether you are going to test before beta or not. If the answer is no, skip the testing, for sure. But if you think you'll be tempted, it's better to test it out so you don't get false hope where it isn't due.
Also, FTR, testing out my trigger is how I learned I don' respond to all triggers. I never got a positive with my IUI trigger, Like. At all. But from what I understand, that's pretty rare.

GTKY: I hate the TV, with a passion. It could disappear forever and I would be cool. Like, I like the movies, so we can keep cinemas. But ditch in-home TVs.

TW

Rambling about next steps:

AFM, I'm on the struggle bus... I'm not accustomed to not doing anything. After every loss or failed cycle, I have jumped right back into "planning" mode. So to just be sitting here is really, really uncomfortable. Every few minutes (literally), I start thinking about how I need to schedule a WTF, and a consult with Braverman. And that I should look into donor sperm prices. Or check out adoption agencies. And then I come reeling back like. Number one, No. I need to relax and stop. No more TTC. I need time. But also, even if I did any of the above, none of those mean anything till we get results from the D&C.
And like. So what if I go see Dr. B? The best that will happen is he will diagnose me.. But the probability of him finding something treatable is slim. I mean. Eventually, sure. It would maybe work out. But I might, maybe, possibly have one more ER in me. Not multiple. So is it even a an avenue worth exploring? I
Clearly I am just really struggling with this sitting still thing.

Emotional rambling with some faith questioning tossed in:

I can't even control myself. I go from being totally fine, to uncontrollable sobbing in zero time. Part of me is living in this dreamland where I don't believe it. Like. The other day I got some God-forsaken samples and coupons from fucking enfamil. Did I break? Nope, I went into the guest room/nursery and started organizing the coupons in the stash I have.
But then no less than an hour later I went back in and shoved the bookcase that has everything we've collected so far as hard as I could till it fell over, broke a bunch of shit... and I haven't picked it up yet.
I have moments of sheer panic. I really don't think I can survive even one more year of being empty. Like. At least before there was always a chance? And now.. there is a 0% chance I will have a healthy pregnancy in the next year... The thought of that makes me sick. And like. Yes. Someday I will be a mom. Adoption, DE, whatever. I'll make it happen. But I wanted THOSE babies. All eight of them. It's not fair.

And honestly, as religious as I have been my entire life, I think I have lost my faith. I just can't understand this. I know bad hings happen to good people, and that's a symptom of a fallen world and what not... but this.. this is different. There are promises after promises of having all the desires of your heart, and being fruitful. So why? It doesn't make sense. Why? Like. If His plans for me are better than anything I can ever imagine, I beg to differ. Never, ever, ever, would I ever want anything if it means that I have eight babies in heaven. Never.

lulu1180 · July 2018

@AlohaKumu Yay for AF (it’s always a little weird saying that lol)! I hope that you’re able to schedule the biopsy soon and it comes back with great results! And having amazing friends during this super shitty time. Enjoy the rest of your med-free break!

@rallykat14 Shit friend. I’m so sorry, I was really hopeful for you. I know it’s like a slap in the face to say I hope the test was wrong or that it was too early. Instead I’ll just say that I’m here if you need to rant and rave and scream about how unfair the world is.

@nitnat007 Ugh, I can’t seem to keep myself from thinking that maybe I’ll be a super SS and I’ll get my BFP before starting treatment. But let’s be honest, most of us are not the exception and it probably won’t happen like that for us! Good luck on your appointment tomorrow!

@jrm_14 I’m so glad that you got the increase in meds that you needed and that it’s already making a difference! Advocating for yourself is so important when it comes to medical stuff.

@Avrilmai Enjoy your little “break!” I hope you find some ways to practice some great self-care!

@sheepshepherdess Some people will use hpts to test out the trigger after an IUI. That way, if they get a positive, they know that there’s no way it can be residual from the trigger. I’m trying to decide if I want to do that. I hope that even though you weren’t able to do the IUI that you still got some pretty good timing on your own!

@KristoKekerooni Well, I kind of want to test before the beta just so that if it’s negative, I don’t have to worry about losing my shit at work if it’s negative. That way I can have a pity party at home without having to worry about missing out on work I should be doing because I’m sobbing uncontrollably in the bathroom.

As for your faith issues…

I'm not as religious as you are, but I was raised Catholic and I do believe in God. I used to believe that he had a plan for each of us and everything that happened was part of that plan. Between dealing with IF myself and some shit that happened with my niece, I just can't believe that any more. My reasoning is that God is not a vindictive being. He is omnipotent and therefore knows how a certain situation would affect an individual. I don't think he wants us to be angry, bitter people and therefore wouldn't put us through a situation that would cause us to be that way. The second reason I no longer believe that everything is part of God's plan is that in my religion/theology classes (I grew up going to private school) we were always taught that the greatest gift God gave us is the gift of free will. If everything is part of a predetermined plan, then that free will is just an illusion.

I don't know if this helps you even in the slightest, but I just thought I would put my thoughts on the subject out there.

lulu1180 · July 2018

And for all my friends struggling today, I saw this on FB. I hope it helps to at least bring a little smile to your faces

Image: https://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/936436_10151467781685683_1246689148_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=42491849e32161730263d3f12ca18635&oe=5BD48AA5

emmasemm · July 2018

@kristokekerooni I don’t think I have any words which will help you. Give yourself time to work thrpregnancy through the grief.

@sheepshepherdess I also love all the different pictures of my insides!
Although it messed up this cycle it’s fab that the Letrozole works for you!

@avrilmai hopefully your RE will tailor make your protocol for you - but whatever dose of whichever meds you start on they could change after any monitoring. I’ve seen people start on anywhere from 150 to 450. If they’re giving you more than 450 in the first cycle you really need to question if they’re the right RE for you as that’s just a licence to print money for the drug companies... like @kristokekerooni said with the triggers not all working for her, not all brands of meds work the same for everyone too. We have noticed that I get no real response to Menopur, but I do get response from other FSH/LH mix brands. So hopefully you have no specialities but sometimes you do. If you remember also @kiwi2628 had a poor response to her first protocol but a great one to a second one even if most other people respond badly to that one... so there is no rule at all. Doses might also depend on how suppressed you are, your risk of OHSS and a million other things. Ask questions to the RE but if it’s not totally wild we do need to trust them a bit (and here I could do with taking my own advice!!!)

@jrm_14 glad you’re feeling better and that you advocated for your mental health so successfully!

@nitnat007 Fx you have a productive appointment tomorrow!

emmasemm · July 2018

Ahhhh pressed post instead of save... tags continued!

@rallykat14 oh no no no! I really hope you have a late implanter and a dodgy test which gives you a surprise tomorrow

@alohakumu sounds like you have some great friends!

@lulu1180 I’m a trigger tester. Except now when I’m straight back on priming and am not allowed to try. Like @kristokekerooni not all triggers work for me and even with 10,000 I cannot see a line on an HPT! With 15,000 I get a squinter. However for most people it is good to know that your trigger is all out (or the line gets super faint) so you know as the lines get darker they are real, or if they are not there that you can turn a test. If you’re not someone who will test at home before beta then probably not so important. But if you will test at home, and if you will test early eg 8/9dpo equivalent then it might be better so you can trust what you see. That’s my two pennies worth. Pennies not cents as I’m british ;-)

@thegirlwhowaited11 do you have 11 on the end of your user name? Because if yes then it’s too long to see on most browsers so people might mis Tag you. I don’t get an option to tag without the 11 for some reason...
Otherwise I would back up what the others said, take a painkiller an hour or so before, if everything is clear you should only feel a momentary light cramping when the dye goes through and then nothing else but the cool feeling of watching it on the screen. After two hours I didn’t even need a liner any more, but depends how enthusiastic they are with the liquid I think!

@50wife after all this time wow now your FET protocol is going at warp speed!!! I really hope everything looks perfect tomorrow

Diagnosis (if you've been): DOR AMA Autoimmune rubbish and ovaries with a mind of their own

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WFAF

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): just had ER #5 on Sunday ie yesterday

How are things going?: Had our day 1 report - 5 follicles drained, 5 eggs found, 3 mature, 2 fertilized normally with ICSI and we’re already dividing this morning. Day 3 update on Wednesday when we would freeze any that are ok.
Had a lovely evening vomiting yesterday during our journey home. Plane and vomiting don’t mix well. But woke up all good today. Though the HCG from the trigger causes a lot of swelling for me. So I’m like the Michelin man again...
Now waiting for instructions on whether to start priming again in the next few days or whether we take a break cycle.

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why?
Not sure if you count it as modern, but nuclear weapons. I lived in northern China for a few years and was regularly in South Korea- there were a few tense moments and even one where most international companies pulled their expats out of the region for a few weeks... however most people don’t have such an easy out.

thegirlwhowaited_ · July 2018

@emmasemm no 11 it is thrgirlwhowaited but "thr" girlwhowaited, my typo that I didn't catch for almost a month after the fact.
I've appreciated hearing everyone's experiences. It helps calm my nerves a little. I wasn't expecting any pain, I don't really know what I was expecting. I knew the overall gist of there being dye, but I didn't know exactly how it was done. I suppose it can't be worse than my Mirena placement/removal.

suzycupcake · July 2018

@KristoKekerooni

I know the way that you feel as far as just losing one at all and having your faith shaken to the core because I've been going through it for months now. It's really difficult to feel when all of your life, you've been taught to rejoice and that being sad/devastated is bad, that He'll give you the desires of your heart always, you just have to pray more, have more faith more, etc. The truth is, those things are not true. Suffering is real. The pain is real. If you look at the entire Bible, there is lamentation from beginning to end--the passionate expression of grief or sorrow; weeping. That's the definition of lamentation. Suffering.

It is absolutely okay to be angry, to knock shit over and break it. It's okay to scream, cry, and wave your fists in the air It's okay to sit and be uncomfortable and it's also okay to jump back in and plan if you want to. The most important thing to remember is that God does love you, your husband loves you, and your family loves you. Sister, I do understand. I've been gliding about in denial for months about my losses (one baby, my dad, and my best friend last year) until a week ago when I started having meltdowns. The thoughts of why am I gonna pray for something I might not get and what's the point, what's the point of hoping for something I might not ever get, I prayed for Him to heal my dad and He didn't give me the desires of my heart, if God is the one who opens and closes the womb then why was it taken away from me, am I being punished, why does He say be fruitful and multiply but that doesn't seem to apply to me, what if none of this is real and I'm wasting life believing in Him, etc etc.

I went to a really dark place. It felt so horrible and I just broke down. It felt like a huge elephant was on my chest and I couldn't breathe. But in the midst of it, I realized that it is okay to feel the way I feel. My husband was really stressed out by it and I told him that I need to be able to scream I no longer want a baby or I wish I could die and be with my dad. and it not be the end of the world for him because I obviously don't mean those things. It's the suffering speaking and I need to be able to say it. We need to be able to express our pain, our doubts, our fears, and have it be okay because it is okay. And what we are going through is not okay.

It's a real spiritual wrestling with God. How long God? How long??! Why have you forgotten me? This is the best theologically sound sermon on suffering I've ever heard https://cornerstonewla.org/pulse/learning-lament/ "And nothing else in this world can face up to the rawness of real suffering. Everything else tries to deny it . . . . . . Christianity isn't a denial mechanism......." It does the best job at capturing suffering in a real way and allows for it because it's not wrong like we have been led to believe. Anyways, I don't have the answers, but I truly care for you. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I hope that somehow, my words have comforted you

@thrgirlwhowaited I just had another hsg on friday. For me, it feels just like the saline one but takes a little bit longer so I had to breathe through the cramping. The af type of cramping was more than mild for me but I was okay. As soon as they were done, it was over. It helped me to watch videos on youtube so I could see what a normal hsg looks like so I didn't have to wait for them to tell me. The next day, I did experience some sharpness in my ovaries that shot some pain around my back but my RE says that happens rarely and is just an irritation from the dye. It went away after about three hours and then I was fine.

@50Wife The best fix I've ever found for pill gagging is chocolate milk. It makes the larger pills go down like ice cream for me.

Diagnosis (if you've been): pcos

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): wto

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): The hsg was normal and it doesn't surprise me. We are just sort of on the fence right now between trying a few more cycles on our own and going back to iui. We will most likely go back to iui after this cycle, but I still have major what ifs not choosing to go to ivf right away.

How are things going?: Honestly I'm struggling. I'm really struggling lately with a lot of things.

Any questions?: Eh.....ish

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? Toasters because they are creepy. On a serious note though, I'm with others on the smart phones for the same reasons. I hate then when I ban myself from the internet for anything other than work purposes, how uncomfortable I feel. Like I actually have to get up and live life.

lulu1180 · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited The one thing that didn't cross my mind is that they "dye" is a contrast dye and is therefore not colored. For some reason I guess I expected like blue dye or something. Although seeing it on my liner after the fact probably would've been a bit weird, I would've felt like Smurfette or something

thegirlwhowaited_ · July 2018

@suzycupcake I didn't even think to check youtube! I may do that later today. This may be a silly question, but does the HSG mean I'm out for next cycle? I don't know much about how the dye affects the ovaries or uterus. And of course what not something I thought to ask while at my RE's office last week.

@KristoKekerooni I know I don't know you or what you've been though, but I just wanted to let you know that I've been one to question my faith and ask all those same questions. Between my experience, what some of my friends/family have experienced with infertility, and what I read on here I can't help but question it sometimes. And I agree with @lulu1180 about free will.

suzycupcake · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited No it does not mean that at all. The only thing I was told is not to have sex for 24 hours after and that's most probably about irritation from the procedure.

lulu1180 · July 2018

@thrgirlwhowaited You can still try even though you had the HSG; I'm going to assume your RE told you to make sure you schedule it before you O. I've actually seen a few people on here get their + the same cycle they got the HSG, although it's not exactly super common. Anywho, yeah, you won't be out next cycle at all!

purplg8r · July 2018

@50Wife it’ll be so nice for you to have THE real game plan!!

@thegirlwhowaited11 I was fortunate to have a good HSG experience too. I popped 800mg an hour before the procedure. I felt maybe a little pressure when the dye was going in but no pain.

@lulu1180 I tested out the trigger once and got a + for 11 days after. I just did it so I knew when I could start testing for real.

@AlohaKumu I’m sorry AF is so heavy! And I hope you can schedule the biopsy soon.

@rallykat14 oh I’m so so sorry. That’s crushing. I’m sending you so many hugs.

@nitnat007 I was hoping you’d be a SS! I hope tomorrow’ Appt goes well.

@jrm_14 I’m glad your dr listened

@Avrilmai how was the saline sono compared to the HSG? And my backup camera is my saving grace! My driveway is long and when I’m backing up at 4:30 to go run, it’s pitchblack out and helps me see better! As for meds, I was on 150 Menopur and 187.5 Gonal F

@sheepshepherdess oh man. That really stinks that your body reacted too well on it’s own!

@KristoKekerooni I don’t even have the words to say how much I’m crushed for you. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in and the struggle your facing. You’re in my thoughts and I’m sending you hugs

@emmasemm rooting for your 2! Are you hoping to start priming again or hoping for a break?

purplg8r · July 2018

Diagnosis (if you've been): AMA, mild pcos

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): wto

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): we have to wait for pgs testing so I guess technically trying on our own

How are things going?: the embryologist called today. As for gradings of the embryos, I had a BB and a BC. Since AF came do quickly, we’re not doing anything this cycle. They want to wait for pgs testing before doing the saline sono and scratch (it would be pointless if neither embryo came back normal).

Any questions?:

GTKY: If you could abolish one piece of modern technology, what would it be and why? My husband’s computer game because he spends so much freaking time playing it.

rallykat14 · July 2018

@purplg8r I so agree with the gaming...I can't stand when he says he's going to go play hockey...hello?!?! You aren't even increasing your calorie burn!

@suzycupcake it is so hard to decide on each next step and when to take it. It is a hard thing to move to ivf. Remind me why you would go back to iui's?

@emmasemm are you doing one more ER or is this a break before a transfer?

@Avrilmai you can do it! Feel free to reach out about anything IVF related

@lulu1180 you always know what to say..even with a cartoon

@KristoKekerooni I have no advice related to your faith. I have to say I lost mine long along and don't know that I'll ever pursue it again. Infertility scars us in so many ways. I'm here if you need to scream at someone about how bullshit this is .

@50Wife yay!!! Omg starting PIO soon! All I have to say it massage the hell out of those glutes after each shot!!!

@AlohaKumu I'm jealous of your running and your break!!!

@jrm_14 I would love to convince H to get rid of cable!!!

@nitnat007 good luck at your appointment!!!

50Wife · July 2018

@rallykat14 oh I do!! I've done PIO two cycles already for my ERAs so I've got a little system down and my heating pad ready to go!
My skin was itchy as all hell for 3 weeks after my first cycle so the next one I used a sugar scrub in the shower each night to rub the spots from the injections and it helped! I didn't itch at all after my second cycle. I don't know why it helped but it did so I'll do that again too!

rallykat14 · July 2018

@50Wife I'm going to use a sugar scrub in the morning...my glutes are soooo itchy!

suzycupcake · July 2018

@rallykat14 Well, my thinking was that if we only did 3 iuis before, then I could take a 3-4 cycle break and start again. Our previous RE did recommend that we move straight to ivf because it makes more sense financially. Her thoughts were by the time we go through iui, we will have already spent money on a cycle of ivf.

Well I refused to believe that ivf was the only option and wanted to do more on my end to promote egg quality and cycle regularity so I started taking vitamin c and coq10. We've been trying on our own and the supplements have actually caused me to o regularly.

I keep thinking that because we had a + hpt on the 3rd iui, that it can happen again so I've been adamantly opposed to going straight to ivf but a part of me wonders if I'm just stuck in wishful thinking. The RE has found no other cause of our IF beyond pcos. Since I've had every other test before ivf, a lot has been eliminated besides the egg quality issue that we know is related to pcos. Idk, I keep going back and forth....

I can't decide if it's because I'm scared of getting pregnant and facing labor or if it's because I'm afraid that we will do ivf and it won't work. Maybe both...

lulu1180 · July 2018

@rallykat14 Thinking of you today friend

lulu1180 · July 2018

GL at your RE appointment today @nitnat007!

aukeev · July 2018

@50Wife Have you tried taking your pills with orange juice or something with a strong flavor? I have to take my Metformin and prenatals that way otherwise the throat lump is way too real. And the gag reflex that comes with vitamins

50Wife · July 2018

@oklahomak I did milk last night and that seemed to work! If I get to a point where that's no good, I'll definitely try the OJ route because I could see how the taste could offset everything. Thanks!! And yes - that lump in my throat literally had me staring at my metformin the other night for an hour just avoiding it!
PS I switched to chewable prenatals because I couldn't get the pills down most days. Not sure if that's an option for you.

50Wife · July 2018

@purplg8r You know I've got everything crossed for two normal embryos for you guys! I really hope you can manage to keep yourself busy during the wait to find out!
@KristoKekerooni I really wish I could just give you a big hug.
Also - they have rage rooms now, at least I think that's what it's called. You pay to go into a room and just break shit. You should see if you have one close by - it's obviously not going to fix anything but it might be nice to get some of that *completely normal and understandable* anger and rage out!

ETA - typos

Avrilmai · July 2018

@purplg8r the saline sono was not bad the actual procedure was pretty quick. Getting the catheter in took some time and was pretty uncomfortable. Any word on when you will get your next update/PGS results. I've been thinking about you.
@emmasemm thanks for the feedback. Yes, we need to trust in our docs, but I agree it is good to ask questions and not follow blindly. When I was doing my IUIs the nurse tried to schedule my monitoring after my typical O day. The first one wouldn't listen to me, so I had to go around her and talk to a different nurse. They changed the appt.
@KristoKekerooni your anger and sadness is understandable. Your questioning is understandable. I hope you're getting some IRL support from friends/family/professionals, but know that you will always have support right here.
@rallykat14 thank you, I really appreciate the offer. I'm sure i'll have tons of questions in the next month or so.
@50Wife the RE told me to expect to have a lumpy butt thanks to PIO. not looking forward to that. so sugar scrub, heating pad, massage the spot, foam roller. Any other suggestions? Is this the one to allow to get to room temp first?

50Wife · July 2018

@Avrilmai It sounds like you're all set and ready for PIO - foam roller is a good call, I don't have one of those...I know what I'll be looking up on amazon today!
It will definitely get lumpy under your skin if you don't massage it after for a good 5-10 minutes. You'll be able to feel little knots. Honestly, for me, the shot itself is easy (doesn't look easy, but it is) but the aftermath is annoying. Yes, get it as warm as possible without actually using something to heat it! I put it in my bra for at least 15 min to warm it up and make sure it injects as smoothly as possible. I lay across the sofa with a pillow under my chest to lift the top half of my body up a bit so my muscle isn't stretched out at all.

50Wife · July 2018

Guys everything looked good from my appt this morning. Transfer is officially 7/24 at 11:15! Eeeeeeek!

Avrilmai · July 2018

@50Wife thanks! and YAAAAAAAY! 7/24 will be here so soon!

purplg8r · July 2018

@Avrilmai the embryologist said the results should be in after 10-14 days. We go on a trip with my side of the family on day 13 (and they don’t know about ivf) so if the news isn’t good, it’s going to be hard to act normal. I saw you ask about meds that should get to room temperature. I was told to let the Gonal F and Cetrotide get to room temp so I always took them out of the fridge 30 mins in advance.

@50Wife the countdown is on!!

nitnat007 · July 2018

@jrm_14 Ah I am so glad to hear that you are doing better friend! Being in a better head space can change so much around you. I know that having to visit your sister must be tough on the heart, but being able to acknowledge those feelings is important. *hugs*
@Avrilmai Glad the sono went well. Self care is so important now, so I hope you have some fun stuff planned.
@sheepshepherdess Glad to hear that the meds did their job, but sorry to hear you have to start again.
@KristoKekerooni I have no words, all I do is send my love your way. Feel all the feelings and give yourself the time that you need to heal, however/whatever that may be. *big big hugs*
@lulu1180 I really wanted to be a SS, but I hear you. There are such a small percentage of those out there that could be that lucky.
@emmasemm Really? On top of everything you have gone through, you ended up vomiting on the plane too?! you poor thing. What a sin. *hugs* I hope that Michelin man look deflates soon.
@suzycupcake
@purplg8r I have my everything crossed for you that you get good news friend.
@50Wife Yas girl!! That is so exciting!!! whoop whoop.
@rallykat14 Thinking of you today!

AFM, thank you to all you ladies that sent wishes today. Really appreciate the thoughts.
Our appointment with the RE went well and pretty much as expected. They went over all of our info and test results, of which they did not seen any glaring cause that would be contributing to infertility.
DH's morph they mentioned is low (which we knew), however not a major concern. They would like to do another SA at their clinic which is more in depth than the general one done by the Provincial clinic so that they can get a better idea of what they are dealing with and to determine if IUI would even be within in the realm of possibilities. Doc also mentioned to DH that quitting smoking would definitely be something that he could do to increase our chances. I wanted to kiss that man! He is in process of trying, but hearing it from a doctor will only help my cause.
With me, they also did not think that results from the MRI and US (possible adenomyosis and pelvic congestive syndrome) would necessarily have a direct effect on fertility either. We are going to move ahead with the CT though just to be sure. Otherwise they would like to do a Sonohystogram instead of an HSG as Doc feels that this would be more beneficial for an overall picture. And likely they will be able to get me in at their clinic a lot quicker than waiting on our ridiculous system here to get me in for an HSG.
Once both of these have been done, we make our next appointment and take it one step at a time. If tubes are blocked or if sperm is not great, then we go straight to IVF. Otherwise will explore medicated IUI options.

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