Monday Moans 4/23 (Gladly accepting your complaints all week long)

stothi · April 2018

I know it's still Sunday, but my Monday already is busy and exhausting so I'm just planning ahead!

Moans, groans, complaints, rants, gifs about frustration or stuff blowing up- it all goes here!

stothi · April 2018

I need to take the dog to vet in the morning and it occurs to me that I'm not sure I'll have enough time to get buddy to school and get home and get the dog and then get to the vet. We'll see! I sincerely doubt I'll have time to get the grocery shopping done which means we'll be having cereal for dinner but I'm actually really kinda ok with that.

nlc8424 · April 2018

My daycare is closed this week so that means any semblance of schedule and normalcy is going to be thrown out the window for my toddler. Preparing for the worst.

Also, since it is spring break here for schools, work is going to be busy (which is a good thing in theory) but exhausting.

Happy Monday!

jumpy57 · April 2018

My zipper on my coat got stuck and I was trapped in my coat for a solid 10 minutes when I got to work. I also forgot my ID badge and had to follow someone in.... But I brought donuts?

Edited: correcting auto correct

spottedginger · April 2018

DH is traveling all week and then his mom arrives the evening he returns. I’m awash in a sea of boxes and no where near ready for company- mentally or physically. If I worked for an hour or so each evening after DS was in bed, things would be almost perfect. However, I am tired and it is more likely that I’ll just lay down. So I guess my moans are: company, boxes, and myself.

jumpy57 · April 2018

@spottedginger I think unpacking is way worse than packing

pourmeanothermocktail · April 2018

@spottedginger If I was local I'd help. I actually love unpacking, I love to organize and find places for my things. But I'm on home number 37 or 38 and I'm only 30, so...there's that. But, I don't intend on moving for at least 10 years this time.

spottedginger · April 2018

@EErin86 it is so, so much worse.
@pourmeamocktail haha! Thanks!

sarah-ruby-21 · April 2018

I have a serious case of Wanna-Crawl-Back-In-Bed-Itis.

jaylii · April 2018

My in laws continue to stress me out. Their attitude about this baby feels overbearing and strange. My husband talked to them on the phone last night and I was in the room but didn't participate in the convo. Like usual they didn't ask anything about how I'm doing. All they said about the baby is my father in law hopes he can be there for it (he's having back problems) and my mother in law talked about how they would be taking baby to Disney. The way they talk irks me. They talk like this is their child or something. They never ask what things/trips we're interested in taking with the baby. Side note: MH and I are not Disney people. It's very much we will be doing blank with baby etc. I also heard through the grapevine recently that my father in law is telling people he hopes baby is a girl because he never had a daughter. That attitude really bugs me. Partially because one sex isn't better than the other and also because this won't be his daughter. It's hard to explain, but their lack of interest in me and overbearing statements about baby have been bugging me.

jaylii · April 2018

@stothi Sounds like a busy morning. Hope you are able to get your dog to the vet! I was just at the vet on Saturday for one of my cats and it does make the day more hectic.
@nlc8424 Sounds like a hectic week. Hope it goes smoother than you're envisioning. Are you off work or is someone else caring for your son this week?
@EErin86 It always stresses me out a bit when I forget my badge! Hopefully spring is on the way and you won't need a coat much longer. My winter coat almost doesn't fit anymore so spring needs to stick around.
@spottedginger Don't kill yourself trying to get everything done this week. I need to get better about not caring what house guests think of our house. We lead busy lives and I wish people were less judgemental about house cleanliness.
@sarah-ruby-21 Hope your Monday flies by fast and you can crawl into bed early tonight.

klj0228 · April 2018

@jaylii I’m so sorry you are going through this! My MIL is acting very similar. My H is an only child and this will likely be our only child. Based on the things they are saying this must be their first grandchild. Just remember this pregnancy is about you and your husband and the things you want for your family. You are not just the carrier of this wonderful child, you are the mother! If you haven’t already, I would talk to your H about how the things they are saying make you feel. You definitely want him to understand how you feel so that if the time comes he is fully ready to take up for you.

jaylii · April 2018

@klj0228 Thank you for your encouraging words. It really does help to hear someone validate and understand what I'm feeling. MH is also an only child like your husband. That might be a contributing factor, and yes, this is their first grandchild. You're absolutely right that I feel like they're treating me like the carrier of this baby and not much more. I have talked to MH about my feelings but I'm trying not to say too much because it's been tough with my FIL's health. He's been in a lot of pain for several months for what doctors now think is his back. Anyways, he's been very upset and talks like he's dying which is stressing MH out. Hard situation all around with them right now.

spottedginger · April 2018

@jaylii thanks for the encouragement. I need to just accept that it will not be done and focus on getting clean sheets and towels out for her. That can be my attainable goal. Sorry your in laws are being so weird. The presumptions and assumptions are what would get to me. (That you want them there when the baby is born, that you will let them take the baby to do things at all, that you will let them have the magic of baby’s first Disney visit, etc). Having dealt with similar but different issues, I will say that communication now will make the future so much better. setting expectations and boundaries might seem preemptive, but makes such a difference. (E.g., we can’t wait for you to meet the baby, but we won’t be having houseguests within a month before my due date or within a week of arriving home from the hospital., we won’t be inviting visitors to the hospital., we will be taking the baby for his first visit to the zoo when we can both go., etc). Silence when they say these things implies consent to boundary pushers.

jaylii · April 2018

@spottedginger Thanks for sharing encouragement and some words of wisdom. I think I try with boundaries but it's tough. I struggle with boundaries and when I should just let things go. Like is it worth it to make a big deal about the disney thing now or put my foot down later when they want to take a 1 year old to Disney? You read my mind with the birth stuff because I've also been trying to decide what we want at that time. Both my parents and ILs live out of town so I know they will want to be here for the birth. For sure no one will be staying at our house except maybe my mom, but I'm not sure if we should ask them not to visit right away. I honestly don't want a three ring circus event when giving birth and trying to settle at home with baby.

spottedginger · April 2018

@jaylii there is no right answer to the birth stuff. There are plenty of wrong answers though. Most of them involve letting pressure or guilt back into a decision or corner that you don’t like, agree to, or are uncomfortable with. Talk with your husband and figure out what makes sense to you. My H thought I was a bit crazy for saying that we weren’t telling anyone when I was in labor because I needed privacy and space and him to be supporting me, not fielding texts and calls from nosy family. I didn’t allow anyone at the hospital and out of town family had to stay elsewhere bc I didn’t want anyone in my home while I was adjusting to a life with a newborn. That was right for me, but others love having a party of 12 waiting in th waiting room and the chaos of everyone at home when they get there. You do you! Just be sure to make a plan and start telling everyone how it is now.

silverramette · April 2018

I am taking Diclegis for morning sickness (still at 13.5 weeks) and can’t function like a normal adult. The medicine makes me so sleepy. My husband is seriously getting frustrated with me because I sleep all the time. Then I get mad at him because he doesn’t understand what it’s like—I feel like I’ve had the flu for six weeks now. He really is being sweet and doing everything in the household. I know it’s wearing on him but I can’t help it.

The second part is he told his biological mom & grandma at our Easter party what we were considering for a name. He did it just an hour after I told his stepmom we weren’t sharing names yet since we miscarried last time. (Yes he was there when I said it.) His bio mom hated the name and said it was her turn to pick it out. Excuse me???? So I’m already thinking of other names and he is adamant staying with the one he announced to the world & everyone hated. We’ve been going back and forth for days now. Every name I suggest he says no to....did I mention he picked out our six year old’s name?

klj0228 · April 2018

@jaylii I decided I did not want anyone at the hospital when I give birth. Mainly because of my ILs. It hurt my moms feelings at first, but when I explained the things my MIL was saying she understood it is easier to make a blanket rule. I will let people visit 4 hours after the baby is born, but only immediate family and not long visits. My MIL was furious when I told her no one was waiting in the waiting room when I was in labor.

I agree with @spottedginger I decided to start laying down some rules now to show that I am making the decisions. I didn’t want anyone to mistake my silence for consent. Maybe I wouldn’t say no to Disney just yet, but things that are really important to you now and leading up to the birth I say tell them how you feel. Plus, you can blame your strong opinions on hormones. I am typically a keep the peace kind of person, but when I felt like she was questioning my decisions as a mother and the person growing a human I became mama bear and made sure she knew I am in charge here.

nlc8424 · April 2018

@jaylii my mom and mother in law are watching him this week, thank goodness for them so I don't have to eat into PTO. That's really sucky about your in laws, they're definitely focused on baby and not you and that's unfortunate. I agree with others about setting boundaries now, if only just so that they know you're not afraid of voicing your opinion and that you won't just roll with whatever they want.

stothi · April 2018

@spottedginger we didn't tell anyone when I was in labor either. Adjusted all our settings on social media so no one could post on our pages ect. I did text one out of state friend at some point but everyone else got a text or phone call the day after baby arrived and we announced on social media the day after that.

@jaylii as others have said there's no waye answers but my personal guideline in regards to pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum is that if ever there's a time in your life to put yourself first, now is that time!!! No one else can be pregnant for you. No one else can labor for you. No one else can give birth for you. And no one else can recover for you. People can be around to support you, sure, but ultimately it's all you doing the work. At the end of the day you really really do need to prioritize yourself, your feelings and your needs. It goes you and baby first, significant other second, the universe/God third, and everyone else is a distant fourth. Everyone else can be as excited as the want- over there, waiting their turn until you are ready- whenever that is! It could be an hour, a day, a week, a month, doesn't matter. YOU are the Mama, they are the everyone else. No matter how important they are, they are still everyone else and they will wait their turn.

MandyMost · April 2018

@jaylii I've dealt with similar things from my in-laws. I am pretty literally just the vessel that gives birth to their grand children. Honestly, I've found it easiest to just accept it. I try to take advantage of it when I want some alone-time, I encourage my husband to take DD out to see them for the day. They definitely don't miss me not coming LOL. I remember lots of offhand comments about "when we take them to XYZ vacation spot" that they go to every year, even though we've never agreed to go! We just let it go, and will deal with stuff when it actually comes up. Luckily my in-laws are not very pushy.

When it comes to out-of-town visitors, I'd stick to controlling what's really important for you. For me, I'd say no one at the hospital until after the baby is born, and then they can come at X time and stay for less than an hour. No house guests for the first 3 months (or whatever time period you choose), and no visitors for the first 48 hours at home while you adjust to having the new baby at home, but then they are are welcome to visit briefly for an hour or two. Let them choose if they want to get a hotel room for a week just to have a couple hours to visit spread out over that time. That way you're giving THEM the choice instead of making it for them.

And also, if it's easier for you, when they do visit take that time to take a nap. Let your husband show off the baby while you sleep upstairs or whatever. They're obviously there to visit the baby, not you!

lisac113 · April 2018

@spottedginger
I am sorry, I HATE unpacking. We moved a few times in the past few years due to jobs and I am glad to finally be settled hopefully for the long haul. I feel for you.

lisac113 · April 2018

@jaylii I am sorry your in-laws are treating you this way. I think the other ladies have offered great advice.

I really appreciate reading the advice about what people decided to do about visitors and family after giving birth. My mom has asked to come to the hospital which I am fine with, she lives two hours away and didn't get to experience any of this with my sister as she lived 12+ hours away. That being said, I am still trying to decide if and how long I want my mom at my house and if I want her to go home pretty quick to just have it be DH and me for a few days.

MandyMost · April 2018

@lisac113 for the record, I had my mom at the hospital. She was allowed into the delivery room and everything along with my DH, but I have the type of relationship with her that if I wanted her out for ANY reason I could have just told her so with no hard feelings.

I didn't feel bad AT ALL about having my mom there and not the in-laws. To me, it's another perfect example about the difference between you and the baby. My mom wasn't there because of the baby (that's just a bonus), she was there because I was in the hospital going through a scary and traumatic situation (i.e. giving birth). If I was at the hospital for ANY reason I'm sure my mom would be there with me!

My mom's only about an hour away, but I loved having her at the hospital, but I also loved NOT having her there when we got home with the baby. It really was special to just be "home" as a family of 3 at first.

stothi · April 2018

So I had plenty of time to get the dog to the vet this morning but I was still 5 minutes late cause I totally zoned out playing on my phone. Oops.

So, total pet peeve of mine, when I'm at the vet, a place you take potentially sick animals or animals that need their vaccinations because they don't have them yet or they have expired, please keep your f-ing dog away from my dog! Notice that my dog has been given like an inch of leash and is tucked up against my body. Take that as a subtle clue that I don't want her playing with your dog. It's not personal, I just don't know you or your dog or where you have been. And I don't know, maybe don't choose the seat immediately next to mine when ALL the other seats are open. Also don't f-ing pet my dog without asking first! What if she's like a super mean rabid biting bitch? With like infectious weird dog mouth disease or like a massive flea and tick infestation. You don't know. Ask first!
And she's 13. She's not a "cwute wittle bwaby." She's a senior citizen. Show some respect.

jumpy57 · April 2018

@stothi so many people are so oblivious about animals even if they have one. Also my favorite quote from working in a vet clinic...

Not everyone that owns a pet is crazy, but every crazy person owns a pet

klj0228 · April 2018

@stothi my dog is less than 10 pounds so we won’t even let her paws touch the ground at the vet. I even heard someone talking about me one time saying I can’t believe people show just carry their dog and don’t let it walk. My dog loves to walk and be on a leash and running around, but I can help prevent exposure to other dog illness by carrying her in a vet so I am going to protect her!

stothi · April 2018

Oh, I meant to add- Monday Miracle!!!! I got my kid to school on time today!!!! On a Monday even!!! His hair was uncombed, but he was clean and dressed well otherwise. When I asked to brush his hair this morning he said, "I don't want to! I just want to run away!" And then he dramatically like silly movie ran away with his little hands flapping. It was so funny I decided it was all good! Lol.

nackie · April 2018

@stothi congrats on the on time drop off!

my dog really, really doesn’t like other dogs, so the vet is stressful for all of us. I have had so many instances where people keep their dogs on freakishly long leashes and let them just wander on up to us. Almost every time I ask them to keep their dog away from us the response is something along the lines of oh, don’t worry, he’s friendly. Well, mine isn’t dumbass. Sometimes I really hate people.

arcticseal-2 · April 2018

@jaylii and @klj0228 My husband is also an only child. Yes, you are definitely the parents but I will say partially because of his only-childness they are quite involved in our children's lives and are invited to be!! In fact, my MIL and FIL just came down for my oldest child's end of year skating thing ON MY FIL's birthday!!!

jaylii · April 2018

@arcticseal-2 I hope you know from reading my posts that I'm not complaining that my ILs want to be a part of my child's life. I want them to be a part of my child's life and for my child to have a good relationship with them. As I described in my posts, some of their behavior and attitudes surrounding my pregnancy and future grandchild are not healthly/observing boundaries/considerate.

Lcardinal04 · April 2018

@jaylii I’m of the opinion that setting expectations, even if not firm, is better to do now. Take what you said about Disney. You can respond instead with something like, “well that might be a nice trip once the little one is older” or “well we’ll decide if we are comfortable with that when the time comes.” I find comments like that are softer than “No” but clearly say sorry you aren’t in control, hubby and I are.

Start asserting now though. Like someone else mentioned, you don’t want silence to be a consent.

jaylii · April 2018

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post yesterday! You provided a lot of encouragement and ideas for ways I can start setting better boundaries with my in laws. Thank you.

Side note: MH and I did have to do set some boundaries with my FIL in the last couple of days and we did it! He's been insistent on attending my June baby shower that is being hosted by my Mom. Keep in mind MH's extended family is throwing me a second shower in July which my ILs will attend. We've told my in laws don't come to the first shower because they had a vacation planned at that time. I also want my Mom to really enjoy hosting my shower. Past history: my ILs have a way of taking over and making my Mom feel bad. Well, now they've cancelled the vacation because of my FIL's recent health problems and he was asking the other day if they should now attend the June shower. We told him no, it doesn't make sense for you to travel six hours for this shower because of your health, please just attend the July shower. He didn't say much so I'm sure he's not thrilled, but oh well. Glad we stuck up for ourselves.

spottedginger · April 2018

@jaylii that’s great!

klj0228 · April 2018

@jaylii that is great you have started having conversations around boundaries and setting some. Some boundaries will upset them, but remember that you ultimately get to set the boundaries and when you do you should stick with them especially if they are important to you.

nlc8424 · April 2018

So I gave DS claritin for the first time last night before bed, apparently that was a mistake since he got hyper. He ended up waking up in the middle of the night just chatting and kicking around his crib which kept me awake. Finally once he fell back asleep, my H was snoring so freaking loud I couldn't get back to sleep myself. I raised his head of bed with our handy sleep number adjustable base, but ultimately put ear plugs in to drown out the noise. It makes me so sad that we've been together for almost 9 years and he is just now starting this snoring crap. Ugh.

spottedginger · April 2018

@nlc8424 so sorry about the snoring and Claritin side effects. We’ve given DS the children’s Zyrtec before without that reaction (in fact, we give it in the evening in case of drowsiness). Check with your ped on the dosing, but ours had us give it to DS during a bad cold in his first year as it is relatively safe.

knitknitread · April 2018

I wanted to take a "quick nap" when DH got home. I woke up 8 hours later at 1am. DH tried to wake me up, that apparently did not go well.

Great job, body. Full 8 hours. Let's work on that timing though

klj0228 · April 2018

It’s my anniversary and I do not want to go out for dinner because restaurants smell too much. I also am so busy with work today I keep forgetting it is my anniversary. I am going to go pick up sushi and have it here when DH gets home and I am going to actually get dressed and look semi nice. We are trying to finish the floor in our bedroom this week so I know he is fine with a quiet (well loud since hammers and floor nailers are very loud) night in. I just have been so sick and crummy in my pregnancy I have not been putting in much effort in the relationship area.

nlc8424 · April 2018

@spottedginger thanks for the sympathy! I did get the recommended dose from the pediatrician and they said to use 1 tsp of claritin, didn't specify time of day. I'm not too terribly surprised since when he had to take benadryl before for a topical allergic reaction he was wired from that too, not drowsy like you would expect.

@klj0228 happy anniversary! I'm sorry you don't feel up to going out for dinner but totally get it, smells are sometimes too much for me and I don't have HG. I hope you two enjoy a nice quiet dinner at home!

sarah-ruby-21 · April 2018

@klj0228 Happy anniversary!

@knitknitread I laughed out loud. Good luck tonight on better sleep timing.

@nlc8424 That is a minor allergic reaction - my mother gets that way to Benedryl. Hope your LO feels better.

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Monday Moans 4/23 (Gladly accepting your complaints all week long)

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