**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Status:
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
GTKY: What's your favorite flower and why?
Re: TTCAL - March 12th
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going okay. I'm just preemptively being worried about next month and hitting the due date for my first loss, but I'm trying to just be at peace and just feel how I feel - anxious, sad, angry, etc. It's okay to feel those things and it's okay if no one close to me really understands. Struggle wise, I'm still dealing with putting too much pressure on this cycle. I'm feeling a LOT of anxiety about it and I'm having a hard time not feeling that way. Rave wise, I hurt my foot in a fall last week and it's feeling so much better! I think in another day or two it'll be totally back to normal. I can't wait to resume my lunch time walks, it's like the best part of my work day.
@prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you had to hear that news during this rough time. I hope your post op results are great and you're able to go have fun on that summer vacation with a sticky bean in tow.
@maureenmce I'm sorry you're dealing with an announcement too...it's rough. But I'm glad your foot is feeling better!
@ChloandCoco I'm glad the weather has helped your mood out...it's amazing what a little sunshine can do!
Status: Still WFAF. It's been over 5 weeks since my MC. I've never wanted my period to show up more in my entire life.
@maureenmce Impending anniversaries are really hard. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and try to remind yourself that if you aren’t pg for it, you *can* get through that. I understand where you’re coming from, though, I’ve passed a few
@prpl11butterfly Sorry about dealing with your SIL’s announcement. It’s tough to not get a heads up.
@prpl11butterfly ugh. Family anouncements are just soo hard. Sorry you're having a rough time with it. I understand 100%.
@ChloandCoco good for you for not putting yourself in a situation that you weren't up for that day.
@clbness wow. Just wow about your MIL. Sorry she doesn't have a clue. I would have snapped.
@lin0442 wow! Lots of appointments! GL with them all! I hope you like your new Gyn!
ttc since 1/17. CP 3/17. NMC 9/17. Nothing diagnosed yet. We're playing the waiting game.
Tulips. They're pretty.
@clbness I really hope AF shows up soon! I know it can be SO hard to wait after a loss. Also, WTF to your MIL??? That is ridiculous and awful that she would ask you that.
@lin0442 I love all of your flower choices.
@Kath525 Glad your eczema is clearing up and happy birthday to your DH!
@prpl11butterfly that is so hard, it can often feel like everyone is pregnant. The H had to apologise to his uncle (more like a cousin) for being distant but he is due when we were and he just couldn't for a while.
@maureenmce I fully get the due date thing. I was talking to my sister about my own deadline and started crying
@ChloandCoco I love tulips to get them to work where I live you have to put the bulbs in the fridge for a while.
@clbness people can be so insensitive. I swear after I found put about my mmc I hoped every day it was a mistake and that somehow it would all be fine.
@lin0442 good luck with the hysteroscopy, hopefully you get some answers (and solutions )
@Kath525 hope you feel better soon and glad your eczema is clearing up
I love lilies and always have. I think they are really pretty and can be unique.
@prpl11butterfly I hope all goes well with your appointment and that you are able to try again soon. I hope you can make the best decision for you about the family vacation. And from personal experience, being so close in due dates, be aware, it still may be hard to vacation together.
@maureenmce, I too am starting to feel anxious about my due date coming up. I hope you can relax this cycle.
@ChloandCoco, I am glad you made the decision to bail, since that was a good decision for you. It's hard to do that sometimes. I am always glad the weather changes are helping you.
@clbness , I am so sorry about your MIL, my FIL said something similar about my last loss. That is so incredibly insensitive.
@lin0442, good luck with your appointments!
*edit typo
WTO/WTF
Orchids. I love all of the colors and varieties and they remind me of my stepmom because she loved them too and we had a whole bunch of them when we lived in Florida.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@maureenmce Feel all the feelings, hugs
@clbness I’m sorry your MIL said that
@lin0442 Good Luck with all you appointments
@holly321 YAY!!!
@ChloandCoco Good for you doing what was best for you.
@coco2787 Feel free to break down, sounds to me like that is what you need. Just do it with DH or a good friend there to pull you up. Let every single word and tear out.
2 Early losses 8/17, 1/18
RAVE: The sun is shining and my birthday is next week
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
Last week's thread blew up when I was having a down couple of days, and wasn't able to catch up -- sorry for everyone's posts I missed!
@prpl11butterfly Sorry you're having a hard week! It has felt kinda like an emotional roller-coaster. FX you are pregnant before summer and, if not, that you and DH can take a fun vacay sans SIL this year.
@maureenmce **hugs** to you for this upcoming anniversary. Hoping you can get back to lunch time walks in good weather soon!
@chloandcoco Yay for warmer weather and making good decisions for yourself!
@clbness - WOW. I am so sorry about your MIL. It does not help ANYTHING to say that, and is so upsetting - like, don't you think if there was any change I would be all over that?
@lin0442 - FX the hysteroscopy, new gyn, and RE appointments all go well!
@kath525 - Happy birthday to Mr. Kath! (And glad the eczema is clearing up.)
@lokibear89 - Have fun having a relaxing day with DH at home - those are my fav kind of days
Also, I had never heard of a kohwai tree - those flowers are beautiful.
@holly321 - YAY for not being benched.
@coco2787 - Grief can be very hard to process, including knowing how to act in the world when it keeps turning and no one else seems to notice that some things have been changed/lost forever. I've struggled in the past with feelings of being dead inside -- not depressed, just nothing, which is actually worse in some ways than feeling something, even sad. You will probably still have a sticky baby and the family you've dreamed of. But, the grief you're feeling now for that is still real. You should feel free to break down and express those emotions. Sometimes I cry on my way home, because that's easier than crying in front of my husband; sometimes I run or go to boot camp and wear myself out; sometimes I go to therapy. I encourage you to find something that helps you with your grief. If it helps to talk you are welcome to PM me.
@kindbytealikat - I am like you with flowers, I can probably identify less than 10 flower types. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, I hope things start calming down and you're able to get some down-time.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. - 1 loss, MMC followed by emergency D&C at about 10 weeks.
Status: NTNP, not officially benched but no idea when I'm going to be ovulating post-D&C so waiting until after my first cycle to try tracking anything.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am a family lawyer and the last week, dealing with other people's custody issues and general whininess, has been much harder than I anticipated for whatever reason. I had a client yell at me for about 5 min about how I'm not a mom, I'll never be a mom, I won't have a full life because I'm not a mom, I don't and won't have any children, and because of that, I cannot possibly understand A, B, or C totally relatable human issues. I have another client who has been repeatedly asking me about my 2-day "medical emergency" (D&C after lots of lost blood and MMC), even after a partner told her I was out due to miscarriage. So... that's my huge rant. My rave is DH. He's always wonderful, but has been so incredibly supportive since the MMC. The other day I thanked him for hanging with me instead of his friends and his response was along the lines: I want to be here, this happened to me too, I also lost a baby, and it's made clear to me how much you mean to me and how much I want a family. I died in that moment.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? No.
GTKY: What's your favorite flower and why? Blue bonnet - displaced Texan who believes there is nothing more beautiful than a field of blue bonnets. I will pull over any day, no matter where I'm going, to stop and take pics in a stranger's field.
Ectopic @ 9 weeks in Nov resulting in my left tube removed. Worst day of my life.
ups and downs, Our new neighbor has a young kid and is super pregnant so that's a little triggering. It made me super sad watching them play outside while we were unpacking. It was like looking at what I wanted my life to be. So far out of reach though.
On a positive note though we got a new bed frame and it's making HIO so much more fun. It's always been fun, but I really look forward to hooking up with H lately at the end of the night. Probably tmi but I'm trying to lighten the mood of my downer response.
Peonies I just think they are so pretty.
I hate opening the app and seeing this girl. She's too happy. And those words underneath.... I just want to shake that stupid girl and be like STOP SMILING and rubbing it in my face! Note - I get that she is probably a model. It's not her specifically but it's what she represents.
Also I hate when the app is opening and it's the picture of the hand holding the little foot. It guts me everytime I open the app. It makes me so incredibly sad. All I see is a foot I'm never going to hold... That I want to hold so so badly.
#I'mfeelingsorryformyselftoday.
@Kabazaba Sounds like you are having a super hard work week. I hope the next few days go better.
You'll get to hold a little, hopefully sooner then later
@maureenmce I'm glad your foot is feeling better. It's hard not to put unreasonable pressure on ourselves every cycle, especially with due dates looming.
@ChloandCoco I don't blame you for bailing on the mom group. Also, I love tulips for the same reason
@clbness ugh, I'm so sorry your MIL asked you that. So insensitive.
@lin0442 we're hysteroscopy buddies on Wednesday! I hope yours goes well.
@Kath525 sorry you're sick
@lokibear89 I hope you enjoyed your day off.
@holly321 yay for being off the bench! I hope you get KU soon
@kindbytealikat I hope your TTC break helps you reset. I understand feeling meh, I've been the same way.
@Kabazaba you made me all teary, but thank you for your kind words. I agree that feeling nothing is worse than feeling sad, with sadness there's at least usually some joy to break up the pain. I'm so sorry that your client said those things to you, I can't imagine how hurtful that was.
@galactickates I'm sorry that seeing your neighbor is triggering for you. Don't give up on that life for yourself yet
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
You know what ladies? I just have to say to all of you that, and I've been thinking about this for a week now, it is so beautiful the way all of you are in here supporting each other. How you all come on here each and every day, to share your stories and encourage others, including me, in the midst of your own struggles. How you research, do your best to take care of your bodies, and figure out this whole ttc thing. The way you weep with one another, feel sad for the losses experienced by other women, laugh, and try to cheer one another up.
Regardless of how you end up being a mother (through natural, medicated cycles, adoption, or even fostering, and etc.), you are all going to be some of the most amazing mothers out there in the whole wide universe! And I'm so blessed to get to know the lot of you.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
edit to add spoiler because that’s huge
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@suzycupcake Feel like I've barely scratched the surface of this group (and the wider TTC group) and couldn't agree more. It is so amazing being surrounded by this strong, supportive women who might have nothing in common with me other than a shared hope and loss.
@galactickates I'm so glad you posted a pic of your flower choice! Peonies are beautiful, and now maybe I'll know the name of that flower when I see it again. I also couldn't agree with you more about TB app load page. Pretty sure I give her side-eye as I click over to community as quickly as possible.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022