Can someone with a higher tolerance for BS check baby center, ovia, what to expect, etc and tell us if this is crossposted? I feel like a PSA this extensive had to have been blasted all over the interwebz.
WOW- this is too good. Great read ladies! I think we should start a count- for threads that make our skin crawl-
and to add my hack since I’m a control freak expert FTM here- I’ve been doing it for almost 13 whole entire weeks- Don’t listen to everything you read on the internet- or the inter webs- or a BMB life hack post.....
Judging by the self righteousness delusion of this post, if she’s serious, she won’t be back to comment. She’s done her good deed and given her wisdom to the world. She can sleep soundly tonight.
Girls, c'mon now. Be nice. She obviously has a lot of constructive info to share and wants to make sure we take care of ourselves. I don't understand why we are all so quick to judge? Flowers, puppies, rainbows, and unicorn poop for you all!
Okay ladies, I talked to my mom and grandma about these hacks. They giggled and said, no...then gave me some really GREAT hacks! Ready?!?!
1. Feeling the morning sickness, take a shot of tequila. It will take the yucky queasiness away and replace it with a nice warm fuzzy feeling. If you aren't for tequila, try whiskey. Does the same thing.
2. Raid your SO closet for clothes, then buy some suspenders to hold up those pants. Nothing looks sexier than a pregnant woman wearing her SO's clothes and suspenders.
3. Dental hygiene - Good luck trying to remember brushing your teeth twice a day now, yet alone when the baby comes. All that sugar you crave. HA! Just wait until you start eating whatever your kid doesn't finish. Look into dentures now.
4. Feeling hot/cold in bed. It's probably because of all the gas you're letting out. Try a butt plug. Then you can snuggle up in your covers.
5. Never want to be pregnant again? Tell your SO to go sleep in another room for the remainder of your lives and schedule hanky panky time. Or just abstain all together. That is better.
6. Don't eat greens. They will give you really bad bowel issues. No lady wants to be stuck in the bathroom with bowel issues like that.
All of the responses to this post make me so happy to know there are other like minded women out there and it makes me a little sad sometimes to not know everyone in real life. Sometimes it's starting to feel more like a group of friends in here than a random group of strangers brought together by a life event. Keep being awesome ladies!
YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN. OP was only trying to control our pregnancies!! Why do you have to jump on her back? I say let her control mine! I’m sick of making my own damn decisions!
I literally just ate Trolli gummy worms for lunch. I'm hungry for the first time in WEEKS and apparently my body wants CALORIES. Guess I should just resign myself to the fact that this is my future:
@beanship I have an appointment with my dentist next week for this reason! Also, my grandma recommended a specific butt plug for us gassy ladies...kind of creepy she knows so much about those...
Sitting here wondering if a measly butt plug could hold in the amount of gas I’ve been producing lately... Or would it turn it into a projectile weapon? Either way, it’s a win win in my book. Go @zombiehoohaa grandma!
14. Your belly button will pop out....just pop it back in. It's just the baby's hand wavying out to say hi.
15. If your belly button won't pop back in, you're ready to give birth! Yup, much like the pop up timer on a turkey saying you're done.
16. If you want to give birth early, drink 1 gallon of castor oil, take a 5 mile walk (jogging is actually better), then have sex with your significant other.
17. Don't listen to the nurses at the hospital during delivery. They have no idea what they're doing and just want you to stay longer so your insurance pays more.
18. Tell your husband often that he doesn't know what he's doing since he isn't pregnant, YOU ARE. Men can't sympathize with strong women. In fact, you should probably just leave him now.
*Disclosure: please don't actually follow ANY of this advice.
I just died. And spit out my coffee. Social, you're amazing.
We literally have covered basically every single one of these topics in the other threads. I wouldn’t have even been offended by your post if you hadn’t added in the judgmental comment about “helicopter, control freak moms”, I hate it when women do this to other women.
@zombiehoohaa OMG DEAD. And, FFFC, I can't remember if I brushed my teeth some days. And it got BAD when I had a newborn. I didn't remember to do anything, my poor husband put up with my breath with a smile!
Lol, when I was sick recently, I couldn’t put my toothbrush in my mouth without gagging so I only brushed once or twice in like 3 days. I felt so bad for anyone near me lol. @christycalifornia
4. Feeling hot/cold in bed. It's probably because of all the gas you're letting out. Try a butt plug. Then you can snuggle up in your covers.
I almost spit out my water to this one. Sure....let me go home and tell dh that we need to buy one of these, although he may be up foe it if he keeps thinking I am going to suffocate him. This morning he told me that he isnt going to spoon me anymore if I am going to fart on him. Lol or he said he is just going to put my head under the covers. Lol i said what i do when im alseep doesnt count since i have no idea i am doing it lol
Married since 5/23/09
Stepdaughter-2/17/02
DS #1 born 1/25/10
DS #2 born 4/25/12 BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks Trying for #4 since 11/2015
Reasons #5894 why this is the best BMB: The worst threads in existence magically turn into the funniest sh*t you've ever read... and the GIF game is strong.
Re: My Pregnancy Hacks
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
and to add my hack
since I’m a control freak expert FTM here- I’ve been doing it for almost 13 whole entire weeks- Don’t listen to everything you read on the internet- or the inter webs- or a BMB life hack post.....
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a68289217
response and havent had a "you guys are mean bullies" "I liked her thread you board nazis"
Wait. What? What were we talking about?
I'm trying to get my daughter to sleep, and it's not going well because I'm laughing as quietly as I can so hard!
This has got to be the best thing I've ever read on the bump!!!
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
Seriously
@TalesOfASocialIntrovert your response made me LOL
@lindsayleigh1989 you'r a brave, brave girl. I'm hoping you came back unscathed.
Married: 6/27/2008
DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
M/C 6/2012
DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE!
M/C 12/12/2016
BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
EDD: 7/2/2018
1. Feeling the morning sickness, take a shot of tequila. It will take the yucky queasiness away and replace it with a nice warm fuzzy feeling. If you aren't for tequila, try whiskey. Does the same thing.
2. Raid your SO closet for clothes, then buy some suspenders to hold up those pants. Nothing looks sexier than a pregnant woman wearing her SO's clothes and suspenders.
3. Dental hygiene - Good luck trying to remember brushing your teeth twice a day now, yet alone when the baby comes. All that sugar you crave. HA! Just wait until you start eating whatever your kid doesn't finish. Look into dentures now.
4. Feeling hot/cold in bed. It's probably because of all the gas you're letting out. Try a butt plug. Then you can snuggle up in your covers.
5. Never want to be pregnant again? Tell your SO to go sleep in another room for the remainder of your lives and schedule hanky panky time. Or just abstain all together. That is better.
6. Don't eat greens. They will give you really bad bowel issues. No lady wants to be stuck in the bathroom with bowel issues like that.
I literally just ate Trolli gummy worms for lunch. I'm hungry for the first time in WEEKS and apparently my body wants CALORIES. Guess I should just resign myself to the fact that this is my future:
Either way, it’s a win win in my book.
Go @zombiehoohaa grandma!
All of this.
BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks
Trying for #4 since 11/2015