I judge anyone who sits in the left lane of traffic and yet is not going above the speed limit if won't get over to let you pass. If you think you are the speed police you aren't and I will give major side if not a message once I get around you on the right side
I judge everyone who lives in the very northeast (vermont, nh, maine) and drives ALOT and has a nice car that does NOT have studded snow tires on it. You should not be on the road with out them because of the country roads and hills and mountains, and your boss will not GAF if you call in because your Prius can't make it through the snow drifts. Get some real tires to deal with your weather MY GOD.
@lindsayleigh1989 if I’m going already past the speed limit and i have someone on my butt trying to hurry me more i will go neck to neck with the car next to me and give the tailgating car no choice but to suffer through it.
@lindsayleigh1989 if I’m going already past the speed limit and i have someone on my butt trying to hurry me more i will go neck to neck with the car next to me and give the tailgating car no choice but to suffer through it.
BUT if you’re doing that in the passing lane (it’s a passing lane not a “fast lane”) you’re an a-hole. For realz.
In general, not saying that to you personally @wildtot
I might get it for this one, sorry in advance but it's how I feel based on MY experience.
I do not think that being a SAHM is the hardest "job" ever. While we are at it, caring for your own kids is not a job. Sure it's very valuable and can be frustrating at times but it's what you make it and it's not the hardest job ever. I did it for 6 months and it was a blast, and I can't wait to do it for a bit again. It was by far much easier than working a demanding career and then doing all the home care stuff like cleaning, cooking and loving on your kiddo that I do typically.
@lindsayleigh1989 OMG YASS. I literally die a slow death inside to those who think the passing lane is their own chill lane. @wildtot my husband is you and we have had major arguments in the car. Lol.
@4deep i would be passing but i would in no way speed even more to please the a-hole behind me. In CO (especially a two lane highway) you have to be on the right lane and only pass in the left which i do follow. I wouldn’t intentionally stay on the passing lane just for fun.
@wildtot, ok yeah I understand that. I thought you meant you woldln't let the car behind you pass because you thought they were too close. People shouldn't ride each other, that's stupid and dangerous. But people shouldn't think they are the speed police and chill in the passing lane making it not passable for others.
@runsomewhere i personally can’t imagine being a SAHM. Having to deal with PPD and PPA going to work is actually good for me. I feel like i can step away and do me even if it’s just work. Being able to talk to adults. I have a hard time being around DS by myself sometimes and i feel horrible feeling that way. Maybe “chore” wise is not bad but emotionally it’s hard for me. I give props to those who do it!
I might get it for this one, sorry in advance but it's how I feel based on MY experience.
I do not think that being a SAHM is the hardest "job" ever. While we are at it, caring for your own kids is not a job. Sure it's very valuable and can be frustrating at times but it's what you make it and it's not the hardest job ever. I did it for 6 months and it was a blast, and I can't wait to do it for a bit again. It was by far much easier than working a demanding career and then doing all the home care stuff like cleaning, cooking and loving on your kiddo that I do typically.
Ok, trying to re-read your words and make sure I'm reading from your POV. As a by choice SAHM who left a demanding career and a large salary to be home with my children full time, I do take offense to the idea that it should be dismissed as not even a job. Maybe it's the word "job." I can mow my neighbors lawn for $20 and have a "job." The work I put into my home is far more valuable to me than just any "job." I've been home since 2011 and I can say without a doubt, for me, it's the hardest and most demanding work I've ever put in. It's also the most rewarding to me. Now, I'm not saying it's digging trenches all day everyday. Of course not. There's easy days. There's tough days. I think you are right to say it is what you make it. It goes both ways. Every mother, working outside the home or in the home could have a different perspective. We all walk different lives. I wouldn't devalue any woman's choice or say their work isn't even the equivalent to a "job."
@runsomewhere I always get crap when I say that but completely agree. It’s not a job it’s part of life and people who are incredible sanctimonious and self-important about it just come off as out of touch and delusional to me. Even if I won a $500M powerball jackpot I would still maintain my professional ambitions and continue to be a boss and a mom.
@runsomewhere I understand what you are saying that it is harder to work AND do everything that SAHM mom's do as well. HOWEVER, if you look at being a SAHM as an actual job, in and of itself, which it is, its comparable to teaching small children outside the home-it is very demanding and exhausting and I think saying that isn't a hard JOB is doing the actual work of raising your children 24/7, instead of around a job, a huge disservice.
ETA: I by no means think my job as a SAHM is harder than other jobs one could have full time. I think it is a job with ups and downs, the same as all jobs.
@runsomewhere and @devilcat139 I agree with you that it can be thought of as a part of life, and not a "job" (in that you don't get paid for it), and definitely not worth being "sanctimonious" about; but then again, neither is having "professional ambitions." As someone who chose to stay at home with my boys for 10 years, and is now back working and in a full-time PhD program, I want to say I understand both sides of the situation. I personally found being a SAHM much harder, but I certainly understand everyone has different strengths, and things that are hard for me are easy for others.
ETA: Rereading that, I don't want it come off that I think you're being sanctimonious about your ambitions, @devilcat139, just that some women are.
~~Wife to one amazing man~~ ~~Mama to 3 crazy boys~~ ~~Wrangler of 2 cats~~
@runsomewhere I always get crap when I say that but completely agree. It’s not a job it’s part of life and people who are incredible sanctimonious and self-important about it just come off as out of touch and delusional to me. Even if I won a $500M powerball jackpot I would still maintain my professional ambitions and continue to be a boss and a mom.
Are you proud of your work? It sounds to me like you enjoy it - even if you won the lottery you would choose to continue it. That's a good thing! So I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone devalued it.
Why do women do this to each other? Some of my best friends work outside the home and I've never once looked at them like they weren't working as hard as I was. And I would expect the same from them.
I think it is super crappy to degrade SAHM as saying they dont have a job because thats bs. you pay someone to watch your kids while at work right? I am super glad several of you have got so well together to be boss worker mom but to degrade others as sayig its a part of life is crappy.
and as someone who does both by working in the evening it is hella demanding and no my house is no where perfect or clean wven though "i have time" so yes major side eye and eye roll
This is what I didn't want this to turn in to. I am in no way degrading SAHMs and I have nothing but respect for SAHMs. As I said I think it's very valuable and has it's own demands. I LOVED doing it! But I always hear (complaining) that staying home to raise your children is the hardest job ever and based on my experience, the only experience I can speak from I just cannot see it as a hard job. That is my opinion and I understand that it isn't one shared by everyone.
@4deep Your just nailed it, and as a SAHM/ WAHM, I appreciate it. Yes, I don't get paid for raising my child, obviously, but man can it be tough. Literally days go by where I say a few words to DH, and other than than absolutely zero adult interaction. It is very easy to completely lose your sense of self in the constant rotation of meal time arguments, EI appointments, drilling of flashcards and numbers and letters, facing any kind of weather the make sure you get outside before your child goes absolutely bonkers, doing the same chores 10 times in a row because your kid wants to help and teaching them is more important than the fact that all they're actually doing is undoing your work. I am not complaining, I am not being actually "sanctimommy," I would make the same choice over again... but it's tough, and you tend to get literally zero gratification for what you do because it's "not a job." We are told we can't vent like another would about their work because, "It's not a job." We are not allowed to be tired because, "aren't you just home all day?" @runsomewhere I understand where you're coming from, and I respect your opinion, I'm just sharing some insight here. Not to mention, even with PPD I loved the first six months too, there is a huuuge difference when it comes to SAHM with an infant vs. a toddler. P.S. SAHM with young ones also basically entails being a homeschool mom until they are old ought for school, so there's that, too.
@lindsayleigh1989 YEEEEES! Left lane is for PASSING, not CRUISING. You are supposed to pass then move over. Easy as that!!!! Such a pet peeve.
@d_marie_23 seriously preach! toddlers are a whole different ballgame and if I am completely honest I totally find going to work to be a break because just as you said there is zero gratitude or even often times respect for what goes into being a sahm. It is not easy and is definitely rewarding but it so completely out of line and unfair to try to say it is just something you "have to do"
Being a working mom with a demanding boss, hectic schedule, deadlines, and work life balance issues is hard.
Staying home all day with no adult interaction and expectations to have a clean house, clean kid, and meals prepared is hard.
Raising kids in general is hard.
That being said, I do envy women who are able to be a SAHM. We could not make it without my salary and knowing that I don't have a choice but to miss 60-75% of my kids waking hours is tough. Really tough. That makes it hard for me to hear/see women complain about being a SAHM.
I love my career but if I won the lotto I would 1000% quit because most days I feel spread so thin and that's a major stressor for me.
I've been a SAHM and a working mom. IMO being a SAHM was the hardest job I ever had, and I don't think you can compare mat leave where you know it's terminal to being a real SAHM. I was so relieved to be back at work.
If you think being a SAHM isn’t a full time and difficult job, then why in the world do working moms pay other women to do that job and watch their children while they go to their “real” jobs?
If you think being a SAHM isn’t a full time and difficult job, then why in the world do working moms pay other women to do that job and watch their children while they go to their “real” jobs?
If you think being a SAHM isn’t a full time and difficult job, then why in the world do working moms pay other women to do that job and watch their children while they go to their “real” jobs?
Because I have to pay my mortgage.
I think her point is that it's a real job that people are paid for.
I’m not dismissing your job and the fact that you need to make money to provide for your family. I’m just pointing out the fact that you can’t say women that work for daycares or as nannies have real jobs, and in the same breath say that being a SAHM isn’t a real job. Working moms and SAHM both have difficult jobs, and if you happen to work, then you still have to hire someone to watch, care for, feed, and educate your child while you’re gone.
My point was to see each other as sisters in motherhood. Look at one another as equals. Don’t pit each other against one another over who you believe to be the most exhausted or worked the hardest or did the most valuable work. We women bitch and moan about gender equality and wanting to be seen as equals to men, yet look at what we do to each other of our own gender. Just seems so ass backwards to me. You’re looking at a SAHM in the same view that your sexest male counterpart is viewing you. Not as equal or as valuable. Maybe I’m taking it too personal because hormones! But this topic just bums me out when I hear women talk that way. We should be lifting each other up. Praising each other for creating and raising strong heathy families, no matter which way we do it.
@amylu914 the stretched thin thing is 100% the reason I won't go back to work til my kids are in school. I am keeping up my teaching license and in school for educational leadership because I imagine I'll go back (maybe i won't, who knows?), but GOD was I stressed taking care of everything and going to work! My husband is the head of IT and is working non stop, plus is trying to start a business and while I wish he would have helped while I was working it wasn't the reality.
If you think being a SAHM isn’t a full time and difficult job, then why in the world do working moms pay other women to do that job and watch their children while they go to their “real” jobs?
Because I have to pay my mortgage.
I think her point is that it's a real job that people are paid for.
Got it. I read that as why in the world would someone make that choice but I see that interpretation. Carry on.
My point was to see each other as sisters in motherhood. Look at one another as equals. Don’t pit each other against one another over who you believe to be the most exhausted or worked the hardest or did the most valuable work. We women bitch and moan about gender equality and wanting to be seen as equals to men, yet look at what we do to each other of our own gender. Just seems so ass backwards to me. You’re looking at a SAHM in the same view that your sexest male counterpart is viewing you. Not as equal or as valuable. Maybe I’m taking it too personal because hormones! But this topic just bums me out when I hear women talk that way. We should be lifting each other up. Praising each other for creating and raising strong heathy families, no matter which way we do it.
Agree with this so much. I hate the memes that compare and pit moms against each other. Everyone is different.
That being said, I also hate when working moms are like "SAHMs, you have no idea how good you have it!" Look, it's all hard, so let's support each other.
I'm with @runsomewhere and @4deep, actually. For the record I'm a reluctant SAHM. I went back to school when DD was born, and my credits got messed up with the move, and I haven't gone back yet. I read @runsomewhere's comment being mainly about the complaining I hear from SAHMs, especially online, about how hard it is. Or comparing their skills as a SAHM to that of a teacher, nurse, doctor, scientist, what have you. This drives me NUTS. I'm not preforming brain surgery, I'm not leading a squadron of soldiers whose lives depend on the decisions I make; there are WAY harder jobs than taking care of my child all day. Taking care of my kid may be tedious, tiring, I may not get a break, but it's not the hardest job in the world. And putting a bandaid on my kid's cut doesn't put me on par with my PICU nurse bff who went to school for years to become a nurse and saves babies lives for a living. I feel like there's a general problem of SAHM's work being devalued, and no one seeing them for what they do and how much they contribute to the house and society, because there's not a monetary value or calculable communal value you can put on their work, which is the only way our society knows how to recognise and reward effort. So SAHMs feel like we have to fight to be recognized, which can lead to assigning a higher value to how we spend our days than is warranted. So I'm with Run on this part, and I think instead of trumping ourselves up beyond the scope of what we do, we should try to be visible and vocal in society and combat the ingrained mysogynistic attitude in our world that devalues "woman's work", traditional women's roles, and women in general.
I'm also with @4deep on all her feminist rhetoric (hay girl!) and in that it's inherently devaluing for SAHMs to hear that their work isn't equivocal to a job. My self-worth was very tied to how much of a monetary contribution I made to my family, and took a major hit when I stopped working. I had to learn to take pride in taking care of my daughter and myself, and it hit me in the gut when I would hear what I did wasn't real work. I felt SO much better when I went back to school because it was something measurable I could point to as accomplishment. SAHMs don't intrinsically have that, so we have to create our own ways to feel accomplished, and it hurts when those accomplishments are denegrated.
That being said, on the other side of the argument I also rankle when I hear men taking care of their kids referred to as "babysitting" by them or by moms. I always go, no, that's called parenting. My husband doesn't "help" around the house, he cleans and does his part. So I can see how calling being a SAHM a job in the traditional sense instead of calling it parenting can potentially become a problem of semantics, and may make me a hypocrite if I insisted it was, in fact, a job. It's work, it's a choice, it's a sacrifice, but I still have to check the unemployed box when filing my taxes. I'll have to think about that more. I hate double standards, especially when I discover the potential for them in myself.
From the WM "side" (I hate saying that, but for the sake of this convo I'll leave it) I think the divide happens because there is a perception that most SAHM are doing it because they choose to where as WM are doing it because they have to. I know there are exceptions in both cases.
Like I said before I am jealous of SAHMs but in now way do I think it's a picnic. I wish I could do it not because it is easier but because if someone is going to drive me crazy all day I'd rather it be my kid than my co-worker who won't stop tapping her damn pen.
I work outside the home because I have to. I would be a SAHM if I could. Yes, I went to law school and worked my ass off to get to where I am, but dammit I miss so much of my son's life that it kills me sometimes, and I am stretched sooo thin, and as much as my husband helps out at home, I am still in charge of making sure my household is run and organized while also working 50 hours a week, commuting 8 hours a week, and dealing with a demanding boss and the stress of litigation. I would give that up in a second if I could, but our financial situation does not allow it. That being said, being a SAHM is 100% a real job, and as much as I want that job, I know it is by no means an easy job. Working inside and outside of the home each have their own challenges. And if I made that move, you bet I would be judged and ridiculed for giving up my career. As women we are judged constantly, no matter what choices we make, and we all have choices we have to make. We all do the best we can and do what is right for our families, and that is not the same for every woman or every family.
All that being said, I pay $2000 a month for others to watch my kid while my husband and I work. Yup, it's a job, whether you do it yourself or pay someone else to do it for you.
(trimmed by me) I wish I could do it not because it is easier but because if someone is going to drive me crazy all day I'd rather it be my kid than my co-worker who won't stop tapping her damn pen.
I, like many others, chose to give up a generous salary in order to raise my own kid. I agree staying home with a toddler all day is more exhausting than most days at my old job, but all kids are different. There are easy days and hard days, but I don't understand why some people feel the need to call out SAHMs or working moms.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. Everyone's situation and their kids are different.
@christycalifornia i kind of disagree with the fact that SAHM over value what they do because its tedious. I mean, even if you aren't actively attempting to teach your kids anything while you stay home with them (which, it sounds from previous posts you have made, is not the case with you) you do it accidentally all the time. Your PICU nurse friend may have gone to school for years to do her job but you taught your daughter how to respect her body space and tell you when she didn't want you in it (that was you right? lol). That's on par with what a teacher does every day it still takes skills and what you do as a SAHM, reluctant or not, still deserves a pat on the back. It's not over valuing ourselves at all. Your PICU nurse friend has a hard job, as did I as a teacher, as do lawyers, but the point I wanted to make is that all jobs are hard to different people for different reasons. So is SAHM-ing.
Re: FFFC 12/29
In general, not saying that to you personally @wildtot
I do not think that being a SAHM is the hardest "job" ever. While we are at it, caring for your own kids is not a job. Sure it's very valuable and can be frustrating at times but it's what you make it and it's not the hardest job ever. I did it for 6 months and it was a blast, and I can't wait to do it for a bit again. It was by far much easier than working a demanding career and then doing all the home care stuff like cleaning, cooking and loving on your kiddo that I do typically.
ETA: I by no means think my job as a SAHM is harder than other jobs one could have full time. I think it is a job with ups and downs, the same as all jobs.
ETA: Rereading that, I don't want it come off that I think you're being sanctimonious about your ambitions, @devilcat139, just that some women are.
~~Wife to one amazing man~~
~~Mama to 3 crazy boys~~
~~Wrangler of 2 cats~~
Why do women do this to each other? Some of my best friends work outside the home and I've never once looked at them like they weren't working as hard as I was. And I would expect the same from them.
@lindsayleigh1989 YEEEEES! Left lane is for PASSING, not CRUISING. You are supposed to pass then move over. Easy as that!!!! Such a pet peeve.
Staying home all day with no adult interaction and expectations to have a clean house, clean kid, and meals prepared is hard.
Raising kids in general is hard.
That being said, I do envy women who are able to be a SAHM. We could not make it without my salary and knowing that I don't have a choice but to miss 60-75% of my kids waking hours is tough. Really tough. That makes it hard for me to hear/see women complain about being a SAHM.
I love my career but if I won the lotto I would 1000% quit because most days I feel spread so thin and that's a major stressor for me.
That being said, I also hate when working moms are like "SAHMs, you have no idea how good you have it!" Look, it's all hard, so let's support each other.
I'm also with @4deep on all her feminist rhetoric (hay girl!) and in that it's inherently devaluing for SAHMs to hear that their work isn't equivocal to a job. My self-worth was very tied to how much of a monetary contribution I made to my family, and took a major hit when I stopped working. I had to learn to take pride in taking care of my daughter and myself, and it hit me in the gut when I would hear what I did wasn't real work. I felt SO much better when I went back to school because it was something measurable I could point to as accomplishment. SAHMs don't intrinsically have that, so we have to create our own ways to feel accomplished, and it hurts when those accomplishments are denegrated.
That being said, on the other side of the argument I also rankle when I hear men taking care of their kids referred to as "babysitting" by them or by moms. I always go, no, that's called parenting. My husband doesn't "help" around the house, he cleans and does his part. So I can see how calling being a SAHM a job in the traditional sense instead of calling it parenting can potentially become a problem of semantics, and may make me a hypocrite if I insisted it was, in fact, a job. It's work, it's a choice, it's a sacrifice, but I still have to check the unemployed box when filing my taxes. I'll have to think about that more. I hate double standards, especially when I discover the potential for them in myself.
Like I said before I am jealous of SAHMs but in now way do I think it's a picnic. I wish I could do it not because it is easier but because if someone is going to drive me crazy all day I'd rather it be my kid than my co-worker who won't stop tapping her damn pen.
All that being said, I pay $2000 a month for others to watch my kid while my husband and I work. Yup, it's a job, whether you do it yourself or pay someone else to do it for you.
I, like many others, chose to give up a generous salary in order to raise my own kid. I agree staying home with a toddler all day is more exhausting than most days at my old job, but all kids are different. There are easy days and hard days, but I don't understand why some people feel the need to call out SAHMs or working moms.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. Everyone's situation and their kids are different.
ETA @4deep Totally agree with you!