@BrittG13@kissableviv Also feeling super grateful for my very supportive fam... DH is totally on board with us selling our big home (which he LOVES & which we gut renovated 6 years ago), to move into a small city apt, so I can try and balance work & baby by being close to the office (current commute 1+ hrs each way). And my parents are open to moving from Cali (where theyve always lived) to NY to help us out bc we have no family here. This Baby is already so loved...
A bit late to this one, but I went back to work after #1, and will again after #2, both because I have to (as the breadwinner) and because I wanted to. To be honest, I think it’s also important to factor in your personality and your child’s temperament. I was super lucky to have a year off for mat leave, but with a cranky reflux baby who wouldn’t sleep unless he was held or in the car (while it was moving - red lights and stop signs were the enemy) it was hugely difficult for me. I really missed adult interaction and never had a break. Now I have a super headstrong toddler who is adorable but has multiple tantrums everyday and I have to admit that after a few days in a row “off” with him I’m pretty happy dropping him off at daycare where he has a ton of fun and I get to go to work and have some “kid-free” time. My job can be stressful and demanding, but I’m good at dealing with those challenges as I’ve been working in this field a long time. I personally think that being at home was much more difficult job than my “actual” job, but that’s probably because of our particular circumstances and wouldn’t be the same for every family.
As as a boy-mom, I’ll also admit that there is a part of me that wants this next one (our last) to be a girl. I’m team green, and know that I’ll ultimately be happy either way, but feels good to be able to admit this as my last BMB wasn’t supportive of these kinds of feelings.
@pretzellover (and anyone else who lives near family), I'm insanely jealous. Kind of going along with SAHM/WAHM/WM status...having family nearby who is available and great with the kids and can give you a break when you need it is SUPER VALUABLE in my book. We live near zero family and it makes SAHM and WM status that much harder. There is no break, ever.
We have to pay for daycare, for one, which many of my friends here do not have to do ($$ saving and you don't have to go through "can i trust this person to watch my kid?"). And when we want a date night, we're at the mercy of a babysitter's availability and rate. And when we just want to have a day to get shit done around the house...that doesn't happen. This is the case for a lot of people I'm sure whether or not they have family nearby, but my IRL friends constantly talk about their parents taking the kiddos for a day here or there like it's nothing. One friend we know has her mother watch her kids all day two days a week even though she's basically a SAHM. what??
My parents live across the country, so visits are a big ordeal, and they aren't willing to move to NY yet. My ILs (who I adore), are essentially waiting for my GMILs to die before they will consider moving closer to us, which could still be years away. They are a 5 hour drive away, so still not easy for quick trips. They're here right now and my husband and I have had a bit of a mini-vacation--sleeping in and just leaving the house as we please and it's amazing. And I just heard them talking about leaving tonight instead of tomorrow to avoid a snowstorm--noooo!!
Sorry for the long post...just saying to be grateful for the family help if you have it.
@flockofmoosen3 regarding your friend who has her ILs watch her kid, I actually used to have my mom watch my kid half a day once a week so that my daughter could start to learn to be without me for a while. I don't really want to pay to put her in mother's day out, so that was the next best solution.
We did that for maybe 6 months, but now that my kid has adjusted we don't do it anymore.... but man I miss it sometimes
@crystal321 was definitely not knocking that benefit, except in this lady's case she still complains all the time about being "stuck with the kids all day". I just meant like, can you believe this perk?? haha
@BrittG13 yup, that's my nerd:) the job pays just ok but it comes with great benefits, lots of fun parties and family events. Plus a kick-ass, cheap cafeteria where I go have lunch with DH sometimes. So we can't complain!
@kissableviv is it Blizzard (you can tell me to piss off and mind my own buisness)? I have friends who work there and they say the perks out way the pay.
@zombiehoohaa lol, it sure is. DH has come to terms with the fact he has to take down his Warcraft, StarCraft, and Diablo canvas from the second bedroom as they are a bit too much for a baby, albeit a boy! #blizzlife, haha!
you ladies are definitely out of my league in nerdiness, my software engineering husband included! My husband nerds out on financial planning and writing music, and I nerd out on crafts haha.
@kissableviv Never too early to start! It's probably not the best, but my son freaking loves sitting on my husband's lap and watching him play. I'm a Skyrim girl, myself, and he crawls up to sit right next to me, lol. (He laughs so hard every time my character chops wood, for some reason, and gets so excited over the cats of Skyrim mod, lol. The wolves also get 'uh-oh')
@d_marie_23 I'm sure that it will be our case too, DH doesn't play as much anymore -still quite a bit though- I'm just OCD about things matching and those canvas...they just don't, lol
@flockofmoosen3 things have definitely changed for me, I played in high school. My husband hates video games, which it doesn’t bother me, so I don’t play now. I hadn’t been playing for a while when we met. Now we’re more on your side of things. Haha People at work always make fun of me because we make budgets for everything and plan ahead way in advance. We make pretty good money, we just like being smart about it and know where it goes.
Wow player here also. I'm still playing actually (until the baby gets here anyway). I have been sucked into MMOs since UO and Everquest though... is my age showing?
Being a SAHM with a children who have special needs is hard. I have a teaching degree and a teaching job would only cover our children daycare expense. My daughter has three holes in her heart. My oldest son is low-functioning, semi-verbal, aggressive autism with sensory processing disorder and OCD. Then my current youngest has sensory processing disorder. Day care was going to cost us several thousand dollars a week. So I stay home with them. I take them to therapies and IEP meetings. I suffer through meltdowns where a child who weighs 50lbs can plank for two hours punches and kicks you. I have had tablets shattered over my head, several black eyes, split lips, concessions, and a joints out of place.
I love my kids with all my heart.
Mom of 3 (Ginny 4 yrs old), (Miles 2 yrs old), and (Mason due June 15th)
I've played Overwatch, it was my first FPS. My husband is the gamer, I'm a gamer-lite. Grew up on Mario, so part of that generation. I still like anything in the Mario world, and play mostly indie games on PC, but I go in and out of interest.
I would LOVE to work from home while raising my child. Seeing as how I’m probably going to be living with my mother soon, I think I will probably go back to my old part time job for the remainder of my pregnancy and then just see how it goes after baby is born. I don’t know how I will feel afterwards. I do know that my mom worked full-time when I was a kid and she really was so kick-ass. She never stayed home sick, she was never late, she always got me where I needed to be, fed, bathed and looking sharp and she managed to do all of this without a car. We didn’t get a car until I was in middle school. We rode our bikes and took the bus. I have AMAZING memories of being young and looking up to my mom for all of the amazing things she accomplished in one day. It makes me sad that some moms look down on working moms because my mom was a single parent and had no other choice. My dad was in a terrible car accident before I was born and has brain damage. He is able to have a normal functioning life and you can’t tell there is anything wrong, but the doctors said that he would never age past the age he was at the time of the accident (23), so my dad has NEVER had his priorities straight with being a father, he is a young party kid trapped in a 51 year old body, so he was never actively helpful or involved, but my mom and I don’t begrudge him for that.
My mom is now raising my little sister as a SAHM and so she has experienced both. I don’t judge either one, I think they are both incredibly difficult and any mom in general that is doing what is best for their family, is a superhero in my mind.
I am late on this, but here is my confession: I do not approve of youtube kids whatsoever. HOWEVER, when NFL football rolls around and a game I'm interested comes on, I reinstall it and let her stay glued to it so I can actually watch the game
@Crystal321 I can completely relate! DD is 2.5 and watches virtually no TV...unless one of our teams is playing (college football, pro football, and college b-ball). I’m pretty sure she thinks the tv only plays football and basketball.
ETA: no judgement at all to mommas who allow their kids more tv time. I’m sure our house will change once baby #2 arrives. I’m just blessed with a toddler who is perfectly content playing by herself while mama gets s#*t done.
Yeah, I should clarify. The TV stays on all damn day and she has access to her tablet.. i just specifically don't like the garbage on youtube kids and the fact that it is not proactively curated by humans. I find myself blocking channels every 5 minutes for having creepy or weird content
YouTube kids is such a cluster. I monitor the crap out of the media I let my kid watch. (I know that'll change as she gets older, but prob not until elementary school) There's no way that algorithm knows what's appropriate for my toddler to watch.
@christycalifornia the other day she had it on a daddy finger video with BEAR SPIDERS. Like seriously, they were spider bodies with fanged bear heads. I mean, wtf kind of nightmare fuel is that?
having family nearby who is available and great with the kids and can give you a break when you need it is SUPER VALUABLE in my book. We live near zero family and it makes SAHM and WM status that much harder. There is no break, ever.
I agree with this so much. My parents are 1-1.5 hours away and love spending time with DD so much. They're young and still busy with their careers but take DD over night every other month and they would help us if we ever needed it. We've also traveled with them and their help and involvement is such a blessing.
I don't know what YouTube kids is. I mean, I use youtube so I get that it's youtube for kids but I haven't heard much abut it or ever used it. My 2 yo DD does have an Amazon Kindle though and I let her watch Dora and Shimmer Shine on it almost daily, 30 minute max but she definitely uses it. I tell myself that Dora taught her how to count to 10 in Spanish so it's educational lol.
@Crystal321 holy cow. That'd give me nightmares just from the description!
@runsomewhere it's a filter or setting or something parents can set so that the only videos viewable are those designated as for "kids" by the YouTube algorithm. I haven't used it, but I watch YouTube so u see the news channels covering the controversy. Unfortunately, it's impossible for YouTube to keep up with the massive data uploaded every second, so the algorithm has largely gone unmonitored so people with "kids" channels learned how to cheat the system so their videos go through, and people put through some seriously disturbing stuff. Everything from cartoon characters torturing and killing each other to soft core porn between kids characters. Of course, none of that shows up until someone's been watching for more than 20 minutes, at which point most parents aren't usually paying close attention. It became a huge controversy a few weeks sgo, because parents started to notice what their kids were seeing and freaked out. It's a big problem for YouTube, and they haven't made good strides towards fixing it yet.
Re: FFFC 12/29
This Baby is already so loved...
As as a boy-mom, I’ll also admit that there is a part of me that wants this next one (our last) to be a girl. I’m team green, and know that I’ll ultimately be happy either way, but feels good to be able to admit this as my last BMB wasn’t supportive of these kinds of feelings.
We have to pay for daycare, for one, which many of my friends here do not have to do ($$ saving and you don't have to go through "can i trust this person to watch my kid?"). And when we want a date night, we're at the mercy of a babysitter's availability and rate. And when we just want to have a day to get shit done around the house...that doesn't happen. This is the case for a lot of people I'm sure whether or not they have family nearby, but my IRL friends constantly talk about their parents taking the kiddos for a day here or there like it's nothing. One friend we know has her mother watch her kids all day two days a week even though she's basically a SAHM. what??
My parents live across the country, so visits are a big ordeal, and they aren't willing to move to NY yet. My ILs (who I adore), are essentially waiting for my GMILs to die before they will consider moving closer to us, which could still be years away. They are a 5 hour drive away, so still not easy for quick trips. They're here right now and my husband and I have had a bit of a mini-vacation--sleeping in and just leaving the house as we please and it's amazing. And I just heard them talking about leaving tonight instead of tomorrow to avoid a snowstorm--noooo!!
Sorry for the long post...just saying to be grateful for the family help if you have it.
We did that for maybe 6 months, but now that my kid has adjusted we don't do it anymore.... but man I miss it sometimes
@gspmom21same! WOW nerd 4life!!
Now we’re more on your side of things. Haha
People at work always make fun of me because we make budgets for everything and plan ahead way in advance. We make pretty good money, we just like being smart about it and know where it goes.
I have had tablets shattered over my head, several black eyes, split lips, concessions, and a joints out of place.
I love my kids with all my heart.
My mom is now raising my little sister as a SAHM and so she has experienced both. I don’t judge either one, I think they are both incredibly difficult and any mom in general that is doing what is best for their family, is a superhero in my mind.
ETA: no judgement at all to mommas who allow their kids more tv time. I’m sure our house will change once baby #2 arrives. I’m just blessed with a toddler who is perfectly content playing by herself while mama gets s#*t done.
I don't know what YouTube kids is. I mean, I use youtube so I get that it's youtube for kids but I haven't heard much abut it or ever used it. My 2 yo DD does have an Amazon Kindle though and I let her watch Dora and Shimmer Shine on it almost daily, 30 minute max but she definitely uses it. I tell myself that Dora taught her how to count to 10 in Spanish so it's educational lol.
@runsomewhere it's a filter or setting or something parents can set so that the only videos viewable are those designated as for "kids" by the YouTube algorithm. I haven't used it, but I watch YouTube so u see the news channels covering the controversy. Unfortunately, it's impossible for YouTube to keep up with the massive data uploaded every second, so the algorithm has largely gone unmonitored so people with "kids" channels learned how to cheat the system so their videos go through, and people put through some seriously disturbing stuff. Everything from cartoon characters torturing and killing each other to soft core porn between kids characters. Of course, none of that shows up until someone's been watching for more than 20 minutes, at which point most parents aren't usually paying close attention. It became a huge controversy a few weeks sgo, because parents started to notice what their kids were seeing and freaked out. It's a big problem for YouTube, and they haven't made good strides towards fixing it yet.