@DDRRT1982 He seems like he needs a reality check on what child support is for. To help raise the child with necessities, not as his entertainment and spending money. It's silly for him to discourage something that is SO beneficial for your son. I feel so bad that you even have to justify it.
@DDRRT1982 He seems like he needs a reality check on what child support is for. To help raise the child with necessities, not as his entertainment and spending money. It's silly for him to discourage something that is SO beneficial for your son. I feel so bad that you even have to justify it.
This. I don't understand why he wouldn't want your son to have a good work ethic no matter what the reasoning for getting the job in the first place. All that this is teaching him is that he doesn't have to help out around home because his dad is paying for him to not have to help. I'm sorry you're going through this, especially now when there's so many other things going on.
@DDRRT1982 I’m sorry you are dealing with this... I agree with @kalawa and @LaurenAnn0405. Andplusalso, I don’t even understand his reasoning at all. Like it makes zero sense to me. I hope you can get everything resolved and Caden is able to get the job and learn some responsibility.
@KASG Yes! I can't imagine feeling any heavier or bigger, and my back pain was so real yesterday I needed help getting off the floor. 3 months is forever away in that sense. But then I imagined having the baby today, and that was also terrifying, so...
@gh515 I get up to pee in the middle of the night by myself, but MH already helps me out of bed in the mornings and I have a really hard time picking things up off the floor. I'm exactly 3 months from my EDD today which seems like a looong time but I'm simultaneously terrified of preterm labor and also feel like there is so much more to do to prepare. Stay in there, LOs!
@DDRRT1982 ugh I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My husband’s parents got divorced when he was 16 and his three siblings were under the age of 10. The topic of child support was always a very toxic one, on both sides in this situation. Hopefully your son learns from your example.
@vflux33 Yeah, picking stuff up off the floor (or dealing with or dog) causes the most striking pain, so basically isn't happening! It's an annoying and scary feeling, but not half as terrifying as early labor or being unprepared. Indeed, may the LOs stay in there peacefully!
@gh515@vflux33 picking stuff up off the floor is the worst! I teach 4th grade and stuff is always on the floor to pick up. I just can't! I make my students pick up anything and this week I've been butter fingers so it's been alot of me asking them for help! Haha
@DDRRT1982 I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My stepson didn't get a job until WAY later than I thought he should. I was essentially the one paying my husband's child support since he was out of work the last few years he paid child support, and it actually really bothered me that stepson didn't get a job at 16 and didn't even start driving til 18.
I think it is great that your son wants to work and it's about more than money. Continue to keep up that positive encouragement, otherwise you might end up with a 19-year-old squatter who does NOTHING living in your house!!! (Long story that I'm salty as hell about...)
I know every time my dad and step mom give me money it's actually her money, and I am always grateful. I don't know how aware of their finances I was as a teen though. Hopefully your stepson realizes how generous you've been when he gets older and shows his appreciation. I would say his dad should be coaching him on this, but mine sure never did.
This is a drive-by post, but I'm trying to go back and read everything too. I've been completely absent from TB the past week because it's been a crazy week and a half or so. Last week we moved offices, so I had to pack up all my stuff and have it ready to come over. We're in temporary space now and I'm in a cube instead of an office (with my screen facing out to everyone). So, privacy became a little hard to come by. I'm trying to figure out a way to still check in but just getting used to the new normal here.
@DDRRT1982 I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. My stepson didn't get a job until WAY later than I thought he should. I was essentially the one paying my husband's child support since he was out of work the last few years he paid child support, and it actually really bothered me that stepson didn't get a job at 16 and didn't even start driving til 18.
I think it is great that your son wants to work and it's about more than money. Continue to keep up that positive encouragement, otherwise you might end up with a 19-year-old squatter who does NOTHING living in your house!!! (Long story that I'm salty as hell about...)
You are a saint! It's definitely not about the money. It's about responsibility, work ethic, and motivation. We all worked. And, the assumption that my son's child support is there so I can enable lazy behavior really bothers me. I had an inssue recently with his Dad about his cell phone. I grounded Caden from it and it became a big deal bc he said he couldnt text him. I was like "call him", but he is grounded from texting and social media. You would of thought I was totally preventing him from communicating with his son. He then threatened to get Caden another phone completely undermining my discipline. I had to layout some pretty strict boundaries about bringing stuff into my house to undermine discipline attempts. Like I said, he could call him. Anyways, something is going on. We haven't had issues in years and co-parenting was going well. I wish talking to him was rationale so that I could get to the bottom of it, but after the conversation the other day I think there might be some underlying insecurity that I am not equipped to addressed. Just a hunch. I submitted a request to close our case so that his Dad can do what he wants with the child support. My son's lifestyle isn't going to change with me, but maybe it will stop dialogue that so incredibly toxic.
FWIW, my son is showing extreme maturity and pushing forward with interviewing. He called me earlier to tell me about an interview he scheduled.
@fatstagnation and @DDRRT1982 Thank you for saying I'm a saint...don't feel like it much these days! LOL
AFM, how about a BF, TW and FFFC all rolled into one? Warning: LONG post.
FFFC: I hate my SIL's dog. TWs: My SIL and her stupid dog.
BF: Condensed backstory: When I was 7 months pregnant w/DD, my SIL's dog P attacked my dog...our dog was fine, but it still rattled us quite a bit. DH and I decided from that point on that we wouldn't bring our soon-to-be-born child or our dog to my MIL's house if P was there. We told MIL about this immediately and it has since been an issue where we have been made out to be the bad guys when really all we are doing is protecting our family.
There have been a couple of times where we have gone to MIL's house and P has been there even though everyone knows how we feel - most recently, the day after Thanksgiving we told them we would come over at noon. When we arrived, P was there when I walked in with DD. I immediately scooped her up and walked right back out the door. We stayed outside until P was taken to our house.
This week I am so unbelievably and irrationally pissed at SIL and her friggin dog. Today is my birthday. MIL told us last week that she would watch DD as she typically does on Fridays so I can work from home and then DD would spend the night there while DH and I go out to eat and see the local theater production of A Christmas Story. Well, on Tuesday, SIL proclaims via text that she will be coming up this weekend instead of for Christmas. So today I had to come into the office when I was expecting to be having a chill work from home day, and DD can't spend the night over there but MIL will come over to watch her at our house. I have cried about this several times and realize it's silly, but I am just so sick of all this crap with this dog!!!!!
I realize a lot of this is our own making because we choose not to put our child and our dog in a dangerous situation, but it just makes me so angry that SIL doesn't give a crap about inconveniencing anyone and everyone. Even though we've been made out to be the bad guys in this situation, really we're protecting our kid, our dog, AND her dog by not putting her dog in a bad situation. That this recent situation makes me so upset and that it happens to be on my birthday makes me feel like a big ol' baby at 34, but MOMMA BEAR DON'T CARE.
If you made it this far in this post, YOU are a saint.
@muggle621 - my pitty/boxer mix peed on our bed and pooped in our room. She knows something is up... I crate her when I leave now because I don't trust her to try to ruin the rest of the furniture!
Also, has anyone felt a hand or whole foot yet? Baby G just pushed out against my finger and I'm 99% certain it was her hand!
@amylonghorn tbh I’d be upset too. There’s nothing scarier than a potentially aggressive dog being around a baby that can’t defend itself. It sucks that y’all are made out to be the bad guys when I feel like people should be more understanding of the situation. Like how hard is it for them to just leave the dog at their place so your daughter can be at the house with your MIL?
@amylonghorn that situation sucks. Some people just don't think about others - for example my aunt makes her 85 and 83 year old parents drive 7+ hours if they want to see her because she won't come visit them "because of the dogs" even though my grandparents don't have dogs and her dogs are allowed at their house with full run of the house/yard. It's very inconsiderate of my aunt and very inconsiderate of your SIL to just decide to change her plans on a whim and affect other carefully laid plans. Your MIL probably needs to tell her to stop being so inconsiderate.
I’m currently in the hospital, definitely for the night, maybe for the weekend, with what is almost certainly preeclampsia now. They are doing everything they can to get my blood pressure under control, but I have gotten the first of a couple of steroid shots to help speed up his lung development, and the doctors are at least preparing me for the possibility that he may need to be delivered soon. Cross your fingers guys. Thanks.
I’m currently in the hospital, definitely for the night, maybe for the weekend, with what is almost certainly preeclampsia now. They are doing everything they can to get my blood pressure under control, but I have gotten the first of a couple of steroid shots to help speed up his lung development, and the doctors are at least preparing me for the possibility that he may need to be delivered soon. Cross your fingers guys. Thanks.
I am so sorry. I am praying for you. Preeclampsia is scary. If you do have to deliver it will be for the best. Let's hope they can control it.
Thanks everyone, I didn’t know I was coming in for so long and didn’t bring a phone charger, my mom and husband both rushed here without one and soon we will have 3 dead phones. I’ll check in when I can, thanks so much for the good thoughts
@amylonghorn i’d feel the same way. Honestly, as a parent, it’s our primary responsibility to protect our children. I’m sorry you’re dealing with unsupportive family members, but you’re making the right choice and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for that. It’s your SIL who’s clearly the selfish person here. Maybe this belongs in the FFFC, but dogs aren’t children, and shouldnt be treated as the equivalent! (Coming from a dog owner - we love our 8 year old dog, raised her since she was a 10-week old puppy.)
@DDRRT1982@stlbuckeye132 I've seen @kiki75 around outside this BMB and lovetitting here and there in the BMB, so I'm pretty sure she's fine and probably just busy, but I also hope she will come hang out here more again when she's less busy!
Re: Randoms - Week of 12/11
This. I don't understand why he wouldn't want your son to have a good work ethic no matter what the reasoning for getting the job in the first place. All that this is teaching him is that he doesn't have to help out around home because his dad is paying for him to not have to help. I'm sorry you're going through this, especially now when there's so many other things going on.
I think it is great that your son wants to work and it's about more than money. Continue to keep up that positive encouragement, otherwise you might end up with a 19-year-old squatter who does NOTHING living in your house!!! (Long story that I'm salty as hell about...)
I know every time my dad and step mom give me money it's actually her money, and I am always grateful. I don't know how aware of their finances I was as a teen though. Hopefully your stepson realizes how generous you've been when he gets older and shows his appreciation. I would say his dad should be coaching him on this, but mine sure never did.
Pregnant with #2:
FWIW, my son is showing extreme maturity and pushing forward with interviewing. He called me earlier to tell me about an interview he scheduled.
AFM, how about a BF, TW and FFFC all rolled into one? Warning: LONG post.
FFFC: I hate my SIL's dog.
TWs: My SIL and her stupid dog.
BF: Condensed backstory: When I was 7 months pregnant w/DD, my SIL's dog P attacked my dog...our dog was fine, but it still rattled us quite a bit. DH and I decided from that point on that we wouldn't bring our soon-to-be-born child or our dog to my MIL's house if P was there. We told MIL about this immediately and it has since been an issue where we have been made out to be the bad guys when really all we are doing is protecting our family.
There have been a couple of times where we have gone to MIL's house and P has been there even though everyone knows how we feel - most recently, the day after Thanksgiving we told them we would come over at noon. When we arrived, P was there when I walked in with DD. I immediately scooped her up and walked right back out the door. We stayed outside until P was taken to our house.
This week I am so unbelievably and irrationally pissed at SIL and her friggin dog. Today is my birthday. MIL told us last week that she would watch DD as she typically does on Fridays so I can work from home and then DD would spend the night there while DH and I go out to eat and see the local theater production of A Christmas Story. Well, on Tuesday, SIL proclaims via text that she will be coming up this weekend instead of for Christmas. So today I had to come into the office when I was expecting to be having a chill work from home day, and DD can't spend the night over there but MIL will come over to watch her at our house. I have cried about this several times and realize it's silly, but I am just so sick of all this crap with this dog!!!!!
I realize a lot of this is our own making because we choose not to put our child and our dog in a dangerous situation, but it just makes me so angry that SIL doesn't give a crap about inconveniencing anyone and everyone. Even though we've been made out to be the bad guys in this situation, really we're protecting our kid, our dog, AND her dog by not putting her dog in a bad situation. That this recent situation makes me so upset and that it happens to be on my birthday makes me feel like a big ol' baby at 34, but MOMMA BEAR DON'T CARE.
If you made it this far in this post, YOU are a saint.
@muggle621 - my pitty/boxer mix peed on our bed and pooped in our room. She knows something is up... I crate her when I leave now because I don't trust her to try to ruin the rest of the furniture!
Also, has anyone felt a hand or whole foot yet? Baby G just pushed out against my finger and I'm 99% certain it was her hand!
@amylonghorn that situation sucks. Some people just don't think about others - for example my aunt makes her 85 and 83 year old parents drive 7+ hours if they want to see her because she won't come visit them "because of the dogs" even though my grandparents don't have dogs and her dogs are allowed at their house with full run of the house/yard. It's very inconsiderate of my aunt and very inconsiderate of your SIL to just decide to change her plans on a whim and affect other carefully laid plans. Your MIL probably needs to tell her to stop being so inconsiderate.
But all of that aside-Happy Birthday!
https://time.com/5013321/perchlorate-health-risks/?utm_source=time.com&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=time-health&utm_content=2017110920pm
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
Thank you all for the encouragement re: SIL and her dog. I appreciate yall's thoughtful responses!!
EDD March 12, 2018
you're dealing with this!
Happy birthday!!!