@coco2787, I hope your procedure went well today, sorry for your lost. @offtoneverland, I didn't get a chance to talk to him today, more of how are you in passing. If he is in my building for surgery tomorrow, he will probably stop in with my hcg results, and I plan to ask then, if not, I am going to call the office and ask. And I loved Barbie's. I was back and forth between my doll house memory and when I got my Barbie camper. And I hate trying to balance being hopeful and not having hopes too high. @meatballs37, I hope your Dd feels better. And I am sorry about the thermometer being triggering. I have PTSD from another life event, so I understand how awful sounds can trigger feelings. AFM, I will hopefully never see an oncologist again in my life. The reoccurrence rate is practically zero, and there is no increase risk of developing other cancers. The only thing I need to do besides HCG checks is have my possible future placenta sent for pathology after I give birth. @zamora_spin, sorry about the card. I have never seen a gender reveal card, I too would have shredded it. I hope your doctor's appointment went well.
@holly321It definitely feels like PTSD. Which I didnt realize I could get from spending 24 days as a NICU parent. I fear when try we would end up in the NICU again. I’m not sure I could handle that again. The alarms and living in fear.
We also had to send our placenta in for research/pathology. It was weird. They had us bring this box/paperwork in with us every time I went into pre term labor. It was annoying to keep packing it. I never asked for the report on it, but now I’m curious.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@meatballs37 I can't imagine everything you've gone through. I know what I went through and it's nothing like what you experienced. That's got to be awful hearing that beep. I think I'd throw it out the window.
AFM- I just got my labs back and my HCG is at 9. I'm just super annoyed. If I had waited until today they'd probably be where they want them. Now I have to go back again in 2 weeks. Yay for being a human pin cushion. I'm getting to know the girl that draws blood pretty well now.
I still participate in the dailies most days, but it does get pretty tiring hearing from excited people on their first or second cycle. I only stick around for the regulars that I've made friends with over the last few months because they help keep me sane! @dragonette505 I'll be POAS on the 18th or 19th as long as AF doesn't come before then. We'll be in Florida with my parents then and I'd love to be able to share the news with them right away if this cycle works out. That's great that your appointment was moved up, but it's not great timing, right after Christmas! I'll be thinking of you as you await your appointment. @zamora_spin I got a chuckle out of you tearing up the Christmas card! (Not because you were hurt by it of course but because you found it cathartic.) I like that you think of it as the four week wait. Good way to help yourself focus on a timeline! Good luck at the RE tomorrow! @meatballs37 I'm so sorry that you were triggered at the pediatrician appointment. That must have been truly terrifying. I hope that your first PP period won't be too awful for you. Also, I'm pretty sure I know which Aug16 mom you're referring to. @ChloandCoco Thanks for explaining! I couldn't remember how long you were benched. I hope that time passes quickly until your appointment and test results come back. I didn't have any testing for my losses. I never went to the doctor for the first one because I had gotten a very faint positive on a FRER but the next day my period started full flow, so I just didn't bother with it. I figured their tests probably wouldn't pick it up. I told the doctor at my last appointment after my 2nd loss, but he said he couldn't add it to my chart since they hadn't confirmed it.
@galactickates I feel like all of us here have experienced something awful. I wish none of us were here in this thread. But I’m finding comfort here and my twin loss group. There are some women there who can’t try again, so I am trying to look for some silver lining. I blog and that helps quite a bit along with meds for my mental sanity.
TW: I am mostly struggling with the “why.” Probably like all of us are. Why are there so many people who have children and don’t want them. And yet we are all here with losses wanting our children so badly. There was a baby in the NICU (we didn’t have a private room) when we were there, born at 38 weeks and they were under 4lbs because the mom decided to smoke and do drugs while pregnant. And she got to take the baby home when the nurses got the baby’s weight up. I tried so hard not to judge, but when our son died, I was so angry. I just don’t get it. I’m trying to not hold onto that anger, but it’s so so hard. I’m sorry for this really down post. But today has been a struggle day.
@offtoneverland Ah yes. Could it be someone who possibly likes the name “Atom” for a name but doesn’t like “Adam?” Sigh. Let’s just say this particular bumpie was in the aug 16 FB private group and left because of some BSC stuff she did. I think if she hadn’t left, the admins would have removed her eventually. I haven’t lurked recently to see if she is still posting, but something tells me she hasn’t changed.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@meatballs37 Yep, that's exactly who I was thinking of! On a more serious note, your feelings are completely valid. *TW* My sister (who also had TTTS) felt that same way, and still does, with a lot of her friends who have had super easy pregnancies. I won't go into too many details of her experiences to keep it from seeming insensitive to you, but I know she has always been really envious of those who get their babies so easily and never have to experience what she did. Not that she wishes bad things on anyone at all, it's just so hard when good people have to experience horrible things. *end TW* Your feelings are valid and you should feel it all because life is just so unfair. Big huge hugs to you. ETA: I forgot to ask, do you share your blog publicly? I would be interested in seeing it, but understand if you don't want to share it.
@starla I’m sorry I completely get it though I always end up thinking okay if I get pregnant now then I’d give birth here and have a 2 month old for a wedding etc TTCAL just lands your mind run a hundred miles an hour! @dpjennifer I’m so sorry that you’re having such a stressful time with it all, have you thought about doing anything special for self care over christmas? @offtoneverland Yes I am thank you for asking! It’s okay actually I felt so overwhelmed to start off with (and still do a bit) but In a weird way it’s been really nice that we’ve both been sick this month because it’s just taken the pressure off the fact that we’re trying again and we’re just focusing on looking after each other. I understand the rollercoaster of emotions that come with this all and fingers crossed for this cycle. @meatballs37 I’m so sorry that you’ve been having a hard time, I just want to reiterate how normal it is to have those feeling *big hugs* Have you thought at all about counselling? I know it’s really helped me and I full my recommend it @dragonette505 Yeah if bills could just take a break in December and even January that would be amazing haha @zamora_spin It really is isn’t it, I loved that little teddy bear! I’m sorry about your friend, I think a lot of the time grief just makes people uncomfortable so they just ignore it and can then be super insensitive. Really glad it felt good to rip up the card! @ChloandCoco thank you I’m starting to feel better now. Ahh I’m so excited for you to have the ball rolling again!
@meatballs37 Oh I’m so sorry that’s just awful. I’m the same I really try not to judge but it’s so hard. Like my goddaughters mother got pregnant had a breezy pregnancy and showed barely any interest in her daughter to the point where she would still be drinking throughout her pregnancy and then had her baby who she basically just dropped at her parents and she’s been there ever since. If I remember rightly she had her on Thursday night and went out clubbing Friday and Saturday night. Like you do you but WTF?!
galactickates +100! Thats exactly what it feels like! When your safe space triggers you its like..whoa!
ChloandCoco yay for getting going again... the losses are bad enough, the wait to start again is just insult to injury!
to everyone.. I miss the dailies in a way because there are some wonderful girls on there, but dealing with loss and then on top of that dealing with ignorance and/or insensitivity just doesnt mix. Especially a fresh loss where you've just come crashing down from the highest high to the lowest low.
AFM I just got updated by my RE who finally spoke to the radiologist from my MRI. Here's what she emailed me:
"I spoke with the radiologist who read your MRI.
The septum is pretty significant and takes up ~1/3 - 1/2 of the uterine cavity.
It measures ~1.7 – 1.8cm in length and is also very broad at the base."
Sooooooo all these years when my past docs have been telling me i have an adorable "heart shaped uterus" I probably had babies implanting in septum tissue... no words.
I'll see my surgeon on 12/26 to schedule surgery but I just feel angry at all of the wasted years where this was probably a real issue.
@dragonette505 I don't even know what to say. I can't believe no one caught it in all this time. I can't imagine the anger you must be feeling right now. I hope you'll still be able to find joy this holiday season and get it quickly taken care of after your appointment on the 26th. Please keep us posted. ((Hugs))
@dragonette505 I really hope the surgery to remove the septum is the fix for you!! I can empathize with why you're angry and frustrated. I think the doctors don't understand the stress, anxiety, and disappointment that comes with unsuccessful TTC. TTC for only a few months feels like an eternity. TTC for years brings on a new flavour of bitterness and anger. Add to that the fact that I was told just to keep trying on our own with no testing after 2 MMCs...Yeah because I'll just let another loss and wasted months roll off my shoulders and move on as if nothing happened?! Sorry for the rant. Just wanted to say I get it and we're here if you need to vent or cry or whatever.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@CraftyG I am in counseling and it seems to help. We are lucky that our counselor specializes in this type of loss. She has us working through a grief book and it’s been great for DH and I because it gets us to communicate. Otherwise I think he would be silent about it all. And that makes me feel awful to not acknowledge it.
@dragonette505 I can’t believe no one has mentioned the issues with your septum before and how they might relate to TTC. I’m so sorry. DH and I have a co-worker who had the septum surgery a few years back and they now have an almost one year old daughter and had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Keep us posted with the surgery. *hugs*
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@dragonette505 oh I am so sorry, there are just no words. I’m so sorry that it went unnoticed for so long, I really hope that this is the answer and that your appointment goes well *All the hugs*
meatballs37 I’m
so sorry for your tough experiences this week. Those reminders must be awful. Sorry
you’re struggling with the why. It’s probably the hardest part of all of this.
I struggle with this daily. Seeing those ‘undeserving’ women having babies when
that’s what you desperately want is so cruel and unfair. And all my losses were
early, I can’t imagine giving birth and the NICU stay and everything! I’m
sorry.
dragonette505 Absolutely!
Everyone’s all like “Just try again. Yay BFP!” and I’m all like, well, a BFP
means almost nothing to me… I need to see a heartbeat. I need to get further in
this process before I could even begin to believe I’d end up with a take-home
baby. But like you said, gotta keep trying. It’s very hard to be at this loss
level as well because I find it even difficult to relate to those who’ve only
had 1 MC. Or especially those who have a child(ren) at home and then have one
loss. Which makes me feel like a bitter hag biotche, but it is what it is. And
yeah, I’ve been on the bench so much as well. It’s hard to say I’ve been trying
for over 2 years since I’ve spent like half that time either benched after a MC
or benched for testing. Like you said, all the time spent on the bench and
waiting and trying and failed PGs, it just seems more futile and like we’re going
to be too old for it to happen. Le sigh.
And they JUST found out about your septum!?!?
Ugh… 5 years!?!? Medical
malpractice?
zamora_spin Urgh.
Why are ‘friends’ so awful sometimes! Does that revenge glitter site still
operate? (https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/product/Musical-Prank-Baby-Shower-Card-74
AND you can add glitter for $.99 OR PENIS CONFETTI for $1.99. OK, I need to
seriously stop looking at this site…) I’m just saying… or maybe I’m’ just evil?
And thanks. Definitely trying to reign in my stress and bitterness… but
everything is making me so upset lately. (see the send your enemies glitter and
a card where it does NOT stop playing the song for 3+ hours!!!)
ChloandCoco Woohoo
ball rolling! And good luck with your HSG.
galactickates
I hate feeling like a human pincushion. Sorry your HCG was at 9. Hopefully the
next one will be the last draw. It’s hard to start healing when you’re still ‘going
through it.’
CraftyG No, I
probably should do something for self care over the holidays though! I’ve been
trying to NOT take a personal/mental health day off of work lately since I’m
taking off from Christmas through Jan 2 (that’s what I usually do. Take a day
off and sew, relax, etc.) We’re celebrating DH’s birthday this weekend so we’re
going to see the new Star Wars and we’ll exchange our Christmas gifts to each
other.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
holly321 Ive heard that the percentage of people who continue to need to see an oncologist after a molar is very low... heres hoping you never ever have to see one again!
offtoneverland keeping my fingers crossed for you!! That would be such an awesome christmas gift!
meatballs37 dont be sorry for your down days... i just hope these internet hugs we are sending help even the tiniest bit. I was having a really hard time knowing I was heading into a christmas with only miscarriages to show for this year. I basically just took the time i needed to feel like sh!t and then day by day tried to pick myself up a little bit. Nothing ambitious! Just slogging through each day as best as I can. I try not to ask the why and how me question too much, but it does sometimes seem surreal that this is me going through this... Im sure it seems completely surreal for you. starla; offtoneverland ;meatballs37 ; CraftyG ; zamora_spin ;dpjennifer *sorry, mobile bumping and my tagging abilities are limited lol! Guys... i just dont know what to say... I feel like after even a couple early mc's and you KNOW i have an oddly shaped uterus, they should have asked for an MRI. Ive had 2 fibroid removal surgeries, and the first doc mentioned it and said it was no big deal as did my first RE. Its just really upsetting. I am going to just deal with now since i cant go back in time and hope this surgeon can help me out. Im just grateful my new doc looked into it so i didnt transfer all my banked embies into a uterus possibly one third incapable of sustaining a pregnancy. (but i will say if i had lightning bolt powers, all those docs would be sizzling right now! lol)
dpjennifer I think, if i ever get pg again, it will all be spent thinking it could be over at any moment with rare moments of joy. Thats one of the saddest things about rpl... Let me know if you like the new star wars! I'm excited for it, but you know...how can i be better than rogue one? lol... Rogue One was as good as the originals!
ChloandCoco I hope so too! My RE is buddies with this surgeon so thats why my consult got bumped up from 1/30 to 12/26 (i also figure no one wanted to go see a surgeon the day after christmas, but dammit I have no time to lose) I am sooooooo hoping this lady takes pity on me and squeezes me in asap
@dragonette505 - how frustrating. The Dr I saw misdiagnosed me and it almost cost me my life. I'm not being dramatic. I know Drs are human but come on. That's ridiculous how much you had to go through because they took so long figuring it out. I hope your surgery is the fix you need.
dragonette505 That's exactly how I feel. *sigh* What a shite road. I'm hoping if I get PG again and ever see a heartbeat (which I've never seen), that I would relax some? But who knows...
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
galactickates OMG wow! I'm already mistrustful, if I almost died, I would always be side eyeing my docs. So glad you are ok!!!
dpjennifer (maj TW) In my longest pg (10 weeks) I saw the HB twice (6 weeks and 9 weeks)....... one week later, it was over If im ever pg again, I will go to every screening terrified.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@meatballs37 What @dragonette505 said, don't apologize for feeling down or expressing your emotions. Those emotions are real. I think as a society we put this weird premium on people trying to make lemonade out of lemons all the time, and you know what, sometimes there is not a silver lining and it just really is terrible and tragic and you have to feel that fully and you will move forward but you also may never fully move past it. Also try not to judge yourself for the type of jealousy you are feeling. It is totally natural to feel anger for people taking their blessings for granted. Which brings me to @dragonette505@dpjennifer Yeah, I am full on jealous of women who only experience normal, healthy pregnancies. I don't want them to have less successful pregnancies, but I wish I didn't have to carry this terrible baggage around with me in all future pregnancies. RPL ruins a lot of the joy and innocence of being ku. When I was last ku I asked some other PGAL ladies who had experienced loss and then healthy pregnancy when they felt secure in their pregnancy and the answer was, "not really ever."
Here is my RE update: I had a lot of questions for our RE and she is really great at answering my questions which I admit are sometimes delivered lawyer-style. It's hard to summarize them all but the high points are that she thinks we still have a decent chance of success with spontaneous pregnancy (she says even if I had more losses she would still predict a 50% chance of success on successive pregnancies). She also does not want to change anything right now if I get ku again. However, we are doing the following (1) antibiotics on the off chance we have something like ureaplasma (she is kind of skeptical that this type of issue causes loss but said we could just do that in case) (2) clomid this cycle and as many as two other cycles. She actually had the same reasoning I did on the clomid, if we could get me to ovulate more than one egg I would have a better shot of landing a good embryo. She also was very open to trying anything I wanted to try, such as endometrial scratching (not this cycle though).
On the IVF front we are still feeling we want to try one more spontaneous pregnancy and our RE is very supportive of that even though the only way to reduce risk of loss is IVF with PGS. She answered a lot of questions I have on IVF. For one thing she said of all the RPL patients she has treated who have pursued IVF, only one of them does not yet have a baby. She also said her live birth success rate with transferring one PGS normal embryo is consistently 75-80%.
Our RE seemed to suggest the financial aspect is more flexible than the financial dept led me to believe - if we wanted to do the guarantee program/risk sharing program she and her partner (she is in a two doctor practice) would discuss my case and decide whether to allow us to do it together. However, she said that in that program we would have to transfer all PGS normal embryos prior to moving to a second retrieval, so it is not good for banking embryos, which we in an ideal world want to accomplish for the possibility of a second child. She also seemed to suggest that if we signed up for the two cycle multi cycle discount plan they would let us add on the third cycle for the discounted price... I mean we don't have that in writing but still seems promising. She thinks it is reasonable to expect 1-2 PGS normal per retrieval cycle based on all my info, and says she ideally would not want to start transferring until we get 3-4 PGS normal, knowing we have a goal of 2 children.
So anyway, I think it all sounds promising and has me feeling more positive than I was before.
@dragonette505 Yeah I saw the HB twice (***TW***11 week loss, baby measured 7w5d after we saw heartbeat twice; and 12 week loss, baby measuring 9 weeks after we saw HB at 7w and everything was perfect). I'm terrified of ultrasounds while KU. During the 12 week ultrasound for my second pregnancy I was literally hyperventilating as she was starting to do it. Then my worst fears were confirmed. So yeah. I don't know how I can go through that again. ***End TW***
Sorry for being such a downer.
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@coco2787 I hope you're feeling okay today and that you recover quickly. @zamora_spin What a great and hopeful update from the RE! So glad she was helpful and didn't get intimidated by your lawyer-style questions. I think it goes without saying that I'm wishing and hoping and praying that you don't have to move on to IVF. If you do have to though, it sounds incredibly promising! Those are great statistics for IVF with PGS. Wow! Thanks for explaining all of that. Also very happy to hear that the financial side of things isn't as bad as you thought at first. I also loved your earlier statement about how we don't have to make lemonade out of lemons all the time and there sometimes is no silver lining. I think for some reason we're taught as a culture to just suck it up and deal with it. But it's okay to be sad or angry or whatever and just feel your emotions instead of bottling them up. @dpjennifer love your idea of the confetti card!
@zamora_spin It sounds like your appointment went really well and your RE is on the ball with what to do next. FX the clomid helps this cycle! @meatballs37 I agree with what everyone else is saying. The anger and frustration that comes with a pregnancy loss is very real and completely justifiable. We all have experienced those feelings and understand completely.
zamora_spin Yeah, I have issues with people who have PG with no complications or issues as well. Especially if they're complaining about minuscule things or seem 'undeserving.' I'm sure it'll be a very unpopular opinion (but hey, it's UO Thursday!) but I'm really at the stage of TTCAL where I wish everyone who got PG in less than a year (so not IFers - who experience their own suffering) would have a MC as their first PG. It feels hugely unjustified to have to carry this enormous emotional burden of RPL by so few of us, and be surrounded by the happy unicorn glitter people who have no comprehension of what we've gone through or how it feels and they end up repeatedly saying and doing things that cause us so much pain. I'd really rather this experience be spread out so that almost everyone got a little taste of it, instead of a precious few of us suffering so much with something others take for granted so easily.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
@dpjennifer, I agree that I wish everyone knew how pregnancy loss feels. I feel like everyone in my life is so focused on the cancer, they forget I lost a pregnancy and subsequently can't try anytime soon. That has been so emotionally worse than the cancer. It is literally the most curable cancer, so it was more a PITA than anything. At the same time, I haven't dealt with RPL, so I can't even say I in anyway understand what that is like.
@zamora_spin, FX that if you do end up going IVF they qualify you for the guarantee program, but hopefully that won't be necessary. What dose are you doing for clomid? Are they going to start it higher hoping for more than 1 egg?
holly321 Yeah, molar PGs are no joke! My first was a suspected molar PG and I remember being terrified. I went from happily expecting to see a HB on my 7+ week ultrasound to being told I had to have a D&C in 2 days because I may have a molar PG, cancer, and benched a year. Thankfully mine was just a false alarm, but all of that on top of the MC was way too much! Your situation is the pits! I wish your family were more understanding. People tend to think women who suffer a MC should just 'get over it' and heal so quickly! As if we didn't lose a baby, and all of our dreams and hopes of a life with that baby.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks) MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP) RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017 MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP) RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017 MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023. Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing. Surgery for endometriosis January 2024 Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
Does anyone else get triggered by really stupid things? Every time I see the food in my house that my pregnant self wanted I get really sad.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787, I do. I craved pie while pregnant, sometimes it bothers me and other times it doesn't. There are other things that set me off still (it has been 4 months now) but I can't think of them off the top of my head. But, I also have a really bad habit of repressing my feelings, so that might be part of it. How are you feeling from your surgery?
Doing pretty well, thanks for asking @holly321. Some minor cramping, but almost no bleeding since the first day. Luckily I felt okay during the exam I had to take the day after.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 - yes all the time. I was buying the mini apple and orange juice bottle packs for the morning instead of having coffee and I saw them yesterday as I was walking down the grocery aisle and if felt like someone took the air out of my lungs. I totally get it. Even just drinking or eating stuff I stopped reminds me. Sometimes I count how many weeks I'd be, like this morning I was thinking I'd almost be in the second trimester. I really really try to not let those thoughts creep in but they totally do.
@galactickates, I was counting yesterday to see how far along I would be yesterday, and the whole time I was doing it, I was sitting there asking myself why I was doing something so dumb.
@coco2787, I am glad you are doing so well physically. If I may ask, why did you have to go to the doctor the next day?
Glad to hear it gets better at least @ChloandCoco @galactickates yes, it's really hard not to think about what was supposed to be. I think I'm going to be counting my "weeks" until my due date
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@holly321 my wording was a little confusing, not a doctor's exam, I had to take a final exam for class the day after my D&C.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 - I also wanted to say I'm really sorry for everything you're going through, I meant to say something earlier. I hope your recovery goes smoothly. It sounds like physically it is. Mentally I know that's a whole other beast.
Thank you @galactickates. In the grand scheme of things I've been pretty lucky, so I'm trying to focus on the good things. I know a lot of the women here are hurting more than me so it means a lot that everyone is so supportive in spite of everything they're going through. This experience has been a reality check for me and will definitely change the way I support people who have experienced loss(es).
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'( Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Re: TTCAL week of 12/11
@offtoneverland, I didn't get a chance to talk to him today, more of how are you in passing. If he is in my building for surgery tomorrow, he will probably stop in with my hcg results, and I plan to ask then, if not, I am going to call the office and ask. And I loved Barbie's. I was back and forth between my doll house memory and when I got my Barbie camper. And I hate trying to balance being hopeful and not having hopes too high.
@meatballs37, I hope your Dd feels better. And I am sorry about the thermometer being triggering. I have PTSD from another life event, so I understand how awful sounds can trigger feelings. AFM, I will hopefully never see an oncologist again in my life. The reoccurrence rate is practically zero, and there is no increase risk of developing other cancers. The only thing I need to do besides HCG checks is have my possible future placenta sent for pathology after I give birth.
@zamora_spin, sorry about the card. I have never seen a gender reveal card, I too would have shredded it. I hope your doctor's appointment went well.
We also had to send our placenta in for research/pathology. It was weird. They had us bring this box/paperwork in with us every time I went into pre term labor. It was annoying to keep packing it. I never asked for the report on it, but now I’m curious.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
AFM- I just got my labs back and my HCG is at 9. I'm just super annoyed. If I had waited until today they'd probably be where they want them. Now I have to go back again in 2 weeks. Yay for being a human pin cushion. I'm getting to know the girl that draws blood pretty well now.
@dragonette505 I'll be POAS on the 18th or 19th as long as AF doesn't come before then. We'll be in Florida with my parents then and I'd love to be able to share the news with them right away if this cycle works out. That's great that your appointment was moved up, but it's not great timing, right after Christmas! I'll be thinking of you as you await your appointment.
@zamora_spin I got a chuckle out of you tearing up the Christmas card! (Not because you were hurt by it of course but because you found it cathartic.) I like that you think of it as the four week wait. Good way to help yourself focus on a timeline! Good luck at the RE tomorrow!
@meatballs37 I'm so sorry that you were triggered at the pediatrician appointment. That must have been truly terrifying. I hope that your first PP period won't be too awful for you. Also, I'm pretty sure I know which Aug16 mom you're referring to.
@ChloandCoco Thanks for explaining! I couldn't remember how long you were benched. I hope that time passes quickly until your appointment and test results come back. I didn't have any testing for my losses. I never went to the doctor for the first one because I had gotten a very faint positive on a FRER but the next day my period started full flow, so I just didn't bother with it. I figured their tests probably wouldn't pick it up. I told the doctor at my last appointment after my 2nd loss, but he said he couldn't add it to my chart since they hadn't confirmed it.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
TW:
I am mostly struggling with the “why.” Probably like all of us are. Why are there so many people who have children and don’t want them. And yet we are all here with losses wanting our children so badly. There was a baby in the NICU (we didn’t have a private room) when we were there, born at 38 weeks and they were under 4lbs because the mom decided to smoke and do drugs while pregnant. And she got to take the baby home when the nurses got the baby’s weight up. I tried so hard not to judge, but when our son died, I was so angry. I just don’t get it. I’m trying to not hold onto that anger, but it’s so so hard. I’m sorry for this really down post. But today has been a struggle day.
@offtoneverland Ah yes. Could it be someone who possibly likes the name “Atom” for a name but doesn’t like “Adam?” Sigh. Let’s just say this particular bumpie was in the aug 16 FB private group and left because of some BSC stuff she did. I think if she hadn’t left, the admins would have removed her eventually. I haven’t lurked recently to see if she is still posting, but something tells me she hasn’t changed.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
ETA: I forgot to ask, do you share your blog publicly? I would be interested in seeing it, but understand if you don't want to share it.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
@dpjennifer I’m so sorry that you’re having such a stressful time with it all, have you thought about doing anything special for self care over christmas?
@offtoneverland Yes I am thank you for asking! It’s okay actually I felt so overwhelmed to start off with (and still do a bit) but In a weird way it’s been really nice that we’ve both been sick this month because it’s just taken the pressure off the fact that we’re trying again and we’re just focusing on looking after each other. I understand the rollercoaster of emotions that come with this all and fingers crossed for this cycle.
@meatballs37 I’m so sorry that you’ve been having a hard time, I just want to reiterate how normal it is to have those feeling *big hugs* Have you thought at all about counselling? I know it’s really helped me and I full my recommend it
@dragonette505 Yeah if bills could just take a break in December and even January that would be amazing haha
@zamora_spin It really is isn’t it, I loved that little teddy bear! I’m sorry about your friend, I think a lot of the time grief just makes people uncomfortable so they just ignore it and can then be super insensitive. Really glad it felt good to rip up the card!
@ChloandCoco thank you I’m starting to feel better now. Ahh I’m so excited for you to have the ball rolling again!
galactickates +100! Thats exactly what it feels like! When your safe space triggers you its like..whoa!
ChloandCoco yay for getting going again... the losses are bad enough, the wait to start again is just insult to injury!
to everyone.. I miss the dailies in a way because there are some wonderful girls on there, but dealing with loss and then on top of that dealing with ignorance and/or insensitivity just doesnt mix. Especially a fresh loss where you've just come crashing down from the highest high to the lowest low.
AFM I just got updated by my RE who finally spoke to the radiologist from my MRI. Here's what she emailed me:
"I spoke with the radiologist who read your MRI.
The septum is pretty significant and takes up ~1/3 - 1/2 of the uterine cavity.
It measures ~1.7 – 1.8cm in length and is also very broad at the base."
Sooooooo all these years when my past docs have been telling me i have an adorable "heart shaped uterus" I probably had babies implanting in septum tissue... no words.
I'll see my surgeon on 12/26 to schedule surgery but I just feel angry at all of the wasted years where this was probably a real issue.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@dragonette505 I can’t believe no one has mentioned the issues with your septum before and how they might relate to TTC. I’m so sorry. DH and I have a co-worker who had the septum surgery a few years back and they now have an almost one year old daughter and had an uncomplicated pregnancy. Keep us posted with the surgery. *hugs*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
meatballs37 I’m so sorry for your tough experiences this week. Those reminders must be awful. Sorry you’re struggling with the why. It’s probably the hardest part of all of this. I struggle with this daily. Seeing those ‘undeserving’ women having babies when that’s what you desperately want is so cruel and unfair. And all my losses were early, I can’t imagine giving birth and the NICU stay and everything! I’m sorry.
dragonette505 Absolutely! Everyone’s all like “Just try again. Yay BFP!” and I’m all like, well, a BFP means almost nothing to me… I need to see a heartbeat. I need to get further in this process before I could even begin to believe I’d end up with a take-home baby. But like you said, gotta keep trying. It’s very hard to be at this loss level as well because I find it even difficult to relate to those who’ve only had 1 MC. Or especially those who have a child(ren) at home and then have one loss. Which makes me feel like a bitter hag biotche, but it is what it is. And yeah, I’ve been on the bench so much as well. It’s hard to say I’ve been trying for over 2 years since I’ve spent like half that time either benched after a MC or benched for testing. Like you said, all the time spent on the bench and waiting and trying and failed PGs, it just seems more futile and like we’re going to be too old for it to happen. Le sigh.
And they JUST found out about your septum!?!? Ugh… 5 years!?!? Medical malpractice?
zamora_spin Urgh. Why are ‘friends’ so awful sometimes! Does that revenge glitter site still operate? (https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/product/Musical-Prank-Baby-Shower-Card-74 AND you can add glitter for $.99 OR PENIS CONFETTI for $1.99. OK, I need to seriously stop looking at this site…) I’m just saying… or maybe I’m’ just evil? And thanks. Definitely trying to reign in my stress and bitterness… but everything is making me so upset lately. (see the send your enemies glitter and a card where it does NOT stop playing the song for 3+ hours!!!)
ChloandCoco Woohoo ball rolling! And good luck with your HSG.
galactickates I hate feeling like a human pincushion. Sorry your HCG was at 9. Hopefully the next one will be the last draw. It’s hard to start healing when you’re still ‘going through it.’
CraftyG No, I probably should do something for self care over the holidays though! I’ve been trying to NOT take a personal/mental health day off of work lately since I’m taking off from Christmas through Jan 2 (that’s what I usually do. Take a day off and sew, relax, etc.) We’re celebrating DH’s birthday this weekend so we’re going to see the new Star Wars and we’ll exchange our Christmas gifts to each other.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
offtoneverland keeping my fingers crossed for you!! That would be such an awesome christmas gift!
meatballs37 dont be sorry for your down days... i just hope these internet hugs we are sending help even the tiniest bit. I was having a really hard time knowing I was heading into a christmas with only miscarriages to show for this year. I basically just took the time i needed to feel like sh!t and then day by day tried to pick myself up a little bit. Nothing ambitious! Just slogging through each day as best as I can. I try not to ask the why and how me question too much, but it does sometimes seem surreal that this is me going through this... Im sure it seems completely surreal for you.
starla ; offtoneverland ; meatballs37 ; CraftyG ; zamora_spin ;dpjennifer
*sorry, mobile bumping and my tagging abilities are limited lol! Guys... i just dont know what to say... I feel like after even a couple early mc's and you KNOW i have an oddly shaped uterus, they should have asked for an MRI. Ive had 2 fibroid removal surgeries, and the first doc mentioned it and said it was no big deal as did my first RE. Its just really upsetting. I am going to just deal with now since i cant go back in time and hope this surgeon can help me out. Im just grateful my new doc looked into it so i didnt transfer all my banked embies into a uterus possibly one third incapable of sustaining a pregnancy. (but i will say if i had lightning bolt powers, all those docs would be sizzling right now! lol)
dpjennifer
I think, if i ever get pg again, it will all be spent thinking it could be over at any moment with rare moments of joy. Thats one of the saddest things about rpl... Let me know if you like the new star wars! I'm excited for it, but you know...how can i be better than rogue one? lol... Rogue One was as good as the originals!
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
dpjennifer (maj TW) In my longest pg (10 weeks) I saw the HB twice (6 weeks and 9 weeks)....... one week later, it was over
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Which brings me to @dragonette505 @dpjennifer Yeah, I am full on jealous of women who only experience normal, healthy pregnancies. I don't want them to have less successful pregnancies, but I wish I didn't have to carry this terrible baggage around with me in all future pregnancies. RPL ruins a lot of the joy and innocence of being ku. When I was last ku I asked some other PGAL ladies who had experienced loss and then healthy pregnancy when they felt secure in their pregnancy and the answer was, "not really ever."
Here is my RE update: I had a lot of questions for our RE and she is really great at answering my questions which I admit are sometimes delivered lawyer-style. It's hard to summarize them all but the high points are that she thinks we still have a decent chance of success with spontaneous pregnancy (she says even if I had more losses she would still predict a 50% chance of success on successive pregnancies). She also does not want to change anything right now if I get ku again. However, we are doing the following (1) antibiotics on the off chance we have something like ureaplasma (she is kind of skeptical that this type of issue causes loss but said we could just do that in case) (2) clomid this cycle and as many as two other cycles. She actually had the same reasoning I did on the clomid, if we could get me to ovulate more than one egg I would have a better shot of landing a good embryo. She also was very open to trying anything I wanted to try, such as endometrial scratching (not this cycle though).
On the IVF front we are still feeling we want to try one more spontaneous pregnancy and our RE is very supportive of that even though the only way to reduce risk of loss is IVF with PGS. She answered a lot of questions I have on IVF. For one thing she said of all the RPL patients she has treated who have pursued IVF, only one of them does not yet have a baby. She also said her live birth success rate with transferring one PGS normal embryo is consistently 75-80%.
Our RE seemed to suggest the financial aspect is more flexible than the financial dept led me to believe - if we wanted to do the guarantee program/risk sharing program she and her partner (she is in a two doctor practice) would discuss my case and decide whether to allow us to do it together. However, she said that in that program we would have to transfer all PGS normal embryos prior to moving to a second retrieval, so it is not good for banking embryos, which we in an ideal world want to accomplish for the possibility of a second child. She also seemed to suggest that if we signed up for the two cycle multi cycle discount plan they would let us add on the third cycle for the discounted price... I mean we don't have that in writing but still seems promising. She thinks it is reasonable to expect 1-2 PGS normal per retrieval cycle based on all my info, and says she ideally would not want to start transferring until we get 3-4 PGS normal, knowing we have a goal of 2 children.
So anyway, I think it all sounds promising and has me feeling more positive than I was before.
Sorry for being such a downer.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@zamora_spin What a great and hopeful update from the RE! So glad she was helpful and didn't get intimidated by your lawyer-style questions. I think it goes without saying that I'm wishing and hoping and praying that you don't have to move on to IVF. If you do have to though, it sounds incredibly promising! Those are great statistics for IVF with PGS. Wow! Thanks for explaining all of that. Also very happy to hear that the financial side of things isn't as bad as you thought at first.
I also loved your earlier statement about how we don't have to make lemonade out of lemons all the time and there sometimes is no silver lining. I think for some reason we're taught as a culture to just suck it up and deal with it. But it's okay to be sad or angry or whatever and just feel your emotions instead of bottling them up.
@dpjennifer love your idea of the confetti card!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
@meatballs37 I agree with what everyone else is saying. The anger and frustration that comes with a pregnancy loss is very real and completely justifiable. We all have experienced those feelings and understand completely.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
At the same time, I haven't dealt with RPL, so I can't even say I in anyway understand what that is like.
@zamora_spin, FX that if you do end up going IVF they qualify you for the guarantee program, but hopefully that won't be necessary. What dose are you doing for clomid? Are they going to start it higher hoping for more than 1 egg?
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months.
FET #1: June 3, 2024 (failed)
Lupron Depo June 2024. Benched 3 months again before next FET.
FET #2: September 2024 (failed)
FET #3: December 2024 (failed)
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787, I am glad you are doing so well physically. If I may ask, why did you have to go to the doctor the next day?
@galactickates yes, it's really hard not to think about what was supposed to be. I think I'm going to be counting my "weeks" until my due date
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022