Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: October IVF
Be kind to yourself today.
OMG! I'm so sorry. Sending all the hugs. Where are you located... I really think you should consider doing a skype or phone consult with some of the clinics that work specifically with DOR. I'm in NYC and we have several that do (i'm going to one now!)
DH and I did the counsyl genetic screening and it was covered by our insurance.. I think it was a hundred bucks or so oop...cant remember. No idea on the frag
@dragonette505 I am going to a clinic in nyc....Dr Davis at Cornell who specializes in DOR. He wants to try another protocol next cycle; not sure which one yet, but I think prob low dose stim. But I still feel so helpless.
Which clinic are you going to? And are you doing microdose lupron protocol?
@maggier79 I am so sorry. Hang in there. Do something special for yourself.
Omg! Keep us updated on transfer day!!
Can I ask you what changes were suggested to you?
Btw... I missed that you asked me about if I’m doing microdose lupron.... right now im
not, but I’ve done 2 mdl cycles and got really good results! I definitely can recommend it!
also in my case, my numbers have actually improved after adding supplements and doing lifestyle changes. Those numbers can move. I am so sorry you are going through all of this... and for all my better numbers, I’m still in this process with you, so again.... those numbers aren’t everything. Sending hugs and strength. No matter what you decide I’m here to talk or commiserate
maggier79 I am so sorry reading your news, I have not done PGS but I know the feeling of walking out with nothing and it’s absolutely devastating. Sending healing thoughts and strength on your way.
knottie0635bfe61a4fac27 I'm so sorry, sending you virtual hugs and bunch of strength for whatever you decide to do next xxx
AFM Sunday was our transfer day, and we had two early blastocysts of which we transferred one and left the second one to develop in the lab in hopes of it making it to freeze. We are so scared of having any bad news at this stage so have not called the clinic to see how it did. I am trying hard to focus on the little hope inside me. I'm on 2 estrogen pills + 2 endometrin + clexane shot per day and since I will be away when my first beta is due, I'll continue the meds and go for beta when I'm back on the 5th of November.
I'll be catching up with all of you later xx
Fibroid removed August2013
3 cycles on Glomid 2015
IUI#1 August2015 - BFN
IUI#2 October2015 -BFN
Fibroid removed December2015
IVF#1 June2016 (6 eggs retrieved, 5 matured, 3 fertillized, 1 transferred 1 frozen) - BFN
FET#1 August2016 - BFN
IVF#2 November2016 (3 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 2 ) - BFN
IVF #3 January2017 (5 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 3 ) - BFN
IVF #4 March2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertillized, double transfer ) - BFN no frosties
IVF #5 June2017 (1 egg retrieved, polysermy) Mini IVF - Bust :'( :'( :'(
IVF #6 August2017 (4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized, transferred 2) - BFN no frosties
IVF #7 October2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, transferred 1 early blastocyst - BFN no frosties
IVF #8 December2017 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #9 February 2019 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #10 April 2019 ( 2 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
dragonette505 at what stage are you at now, getting closer to start stimming?
bassetlover1 What time is your transfer? Can't wait to hear how it went!
Happyin14 Keeping my fingers crossed that the reversing works X When is your next check up? Is there a chance of converting to IUI?
Fibroid removed August2013
3 cycles on Glomid 2015
IUI#1 August2015 - BFN
IUI#2 October2015 -BFN
Fibroid removed December2015
IVF#1 June2016 (6 eggs retrieved, 5 matured, 3 fertillized, 1 transferred 1 frozen) - BFN
FET#1 August2016 - BFN
IVF#2 November2016 (3 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 2 ) - BFN
IVF #3 January2017 (5 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 3 ) - BFN
IVF #4 March2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertillized, double transfer ) - BFN no frosties
IVF #5 June2017 (1 egg retrieved, polysermy) Mini IVF - Bust :'( :'( :'(
IVF #6 August2017 (4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized, transferred 2) - BFN no frosties
IVF #7 October2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, transferred 1 early blastocyst - BFN no frosties
IVF #8 December2017 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #9 February 2019 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #10 April 2019 ( 2 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
2 abnormal; 1 normal (special considerations*--see below); 1 ("no results")
Chromosome results:
Embryo 1: (48,XX,+4,+21)--abnormal
Embryo 2: (46,XX,del(5)(q23)--abnormal
Embryo 3: (Male) Special considerations*. No abnormalities were detected in this sample; however, these EmbryVu test results were below the quality threshold. Therefore, the analytic sensitivity and specificity may be below the validated limits listed in Comments section. A rebiopsy may result in a different interpretation.
Embryo 4: (Sex: N/A) No results**Limited amplification detected. Rebiopsy and retesting of this embryo may provide an actionable result.
First of all, I am not trying to get excited about any of this. My mind is too busy trying to understand WTF all this means and what our next steps should be. Doctor told me that Embryo 3's quality is below that which clinic typically expects for a transfer but that he has consulted with a fellow doc and both agree that a transfer makes sense. He believes it would be best to transfer both Embryos 3 and 4 but that he has little hope with Embie 4. On DH's urging, I pressed him on whether results were due to eggs/sperm. He is adamant that there is nothing wrong with DH's sperm and that my eggs (advanced age: 38) is the issue. I have a thousand questions but would first like to get all of your first impressions. I am very confused right now. Thanks to all!
With my history, I would worry about IUI.... I have an easy time getting pregnant just can’t stay pregnant. So we were planning on PGS and a frozen transfer.
I don’t have a good feeling...
@dragonette505, I do have a lot of follies around 14-15. So we are hoping we caught the rest and I can trigger them in a couple of days. My bloat has gone down and I’m no longer uncomfortable, so I’m not incredibly optimistic.
@happyin14 Ive not really heard of a situation like yours where there was a surge indicting O but they thought they could get the rest. I have definitely heard of (and had) situations where some of the larger leading follies have over mature eggs but usually in these cases they have kept you from having that surge.... I'm really hoping they've figure this out for you.... it would be a great thing for other people to hear as well
bassetlover1 That's great news, congrats on being PUPO!!!
Happyin14 Hoping you'll get answers soon and naturally still hoping for the best outcome xxx
Fibroid removed August2013
3 cycles on Glomid 2015
IUI#1 August2015 - BFN
IUI#2 October2015 -BFN
Fibroid removed December2015
IVF#1 June2016 (6 eggs retrieved, 5 matured, 3 fertillized, 1 transferred 1 frozen) - BFN
FET#1 August2016 - BFN
IVF#2 November2016 (3 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 2 ) - BFN
IVF #3 January2017 (5 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 3 ) - BFN
IVF #4 March2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertillized, double transfer ) - BFN no frosties
IVF #5 June2017 (1 egg retrieved, polysermy) Mini IVF - Bust :'( :'( :'(
IVF #6 August2017 (4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized, transferred 2) - BFN no frosties
IVF #7 October2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, transferred 1 early blastocyst - BFN no frosties
IVF #8 December2017 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #9 February 2019 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #10 April 2019 ( 2 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
estrogen went way up also, so they are encouraged by how quickly everything is rebounding. It’s totally one day at a time. And I feel like the eggs will be “dusty” from hanging for so long. But, my RE assures me it doesn’t work quite like that. Fingers crossed. I go back tomorrow.
I'm late in joining the October group as I was so busy at work recently. I see some ladies from previous months and I pray all of us get our BFPs soon.
AFM, I'm on day 9 of stims. I've been taking Follistim 425 every night and added one vial of menopur three nights ago. I had an ultrasound and blood test yesterday and things are not looking so good for me
I'm thinking whether to convert the cycle to IUI but my husband thinks it wont work since we already tried IUI three times in the past. We probably will have to make a decision tomorrow whether to continue or not. My doctor does ER as long as there are 3 follicles. But, if we go through it and it fails then we can't afford to do another cycle. Ugh!
I'm praying that all women who truly want to have their own kid, will have their dream come true. This whole things sucks!
Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive)
March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN
June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN
January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze
May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline
Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid
Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated
Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone
Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues
Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin
Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e
Back for # 2!
Thanks you everyone for your support.
dragonette505 how are you doing? I haven't been able to read updates for over a week now, hope your stimming is going well and your steadily getting closer to retrieval.
AFM No good news :'( I got back from an exhausting work trip and went straight to do the beta. It's another BFN for me and I'm feeling absolutely shattered. We've decided that 2017 will be the last year of trying so we are coming to an end of this journey. DH and I will need a few days to decide whether to do our last round of IVF in December.
Fibroid removed August2013
3 cycles on Glomid 2015
IUI#1 August2015 - BFN
IUI#2 October2015 -BFN
Fibroid removed December2015
IVF#1 June2016 (6 eggs retrieved, 5 matured, 3 fertillized, 1 transferred 1 frozen) - BFN
FET#1 August2016 - BFN
IVF#2 November2016 (3 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 2 ) - BFN
IVF #3 January2017 (5 eggs retrieved, 3 fertillized, transferred 3 ) - BFN
IVF #4 March2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertillized, double transfer ) - BFN no frosties
IVF #5 June2017 (1 egg retrieved, polysermy) Mini IVF - Bust :'( :'( :'(
IVF #6 August2017 (4 eggs retrieved, 4 fertilized, transferred 2) - BFN no frosties
IVF #7 October2017 ( 4 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, transferred 1 early blastocyst - BFN no frosties
IVF #8 December2017 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #9 February 2019 ( 1 egg retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN
IVF #10 April 2019 ( 2 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilized, transferred day 3 embryo) - BFN