Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Do you have any questions for STM+(s)?
#1- didn't show until the third tri. Had evening nausea and usually skipped dinner- it never went away. 12 hours of labor that included 2 or so hours of pushing, ended up using a vaginal vacuum. I had an epi- it didn't work well for DD1 or I.
#2 -sometime around 17 weeks I started to look like I had a bit of a gut. This year the flu vax was a poor match and DD1 and I ended up with the flu within the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I can't remember much nausea wise- I just remember being too sick to get off of the couch for weeks on end. Fast labor and delivery- went all natural.
#3- (that ended at 16w) never showed. She measured smaller at each u/s. (I had them biweekly to monitor a SCH.) My due date was changed a few times; I don't even remember now how far I was based on LMP when we finally lost her. I do remember being nauseous AF.
#4- Depending on the time of day, I feel like I have a bit of a gut. But I also haven't been to the gym in a couple of weeks. I have been unbelievably exhausted this time around. The nausea seems to be more of an afternoon/evening thing like with DD1 and doesn't seem to be remotely subsiding.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I definitely would like to have the gas again this time if Possible.
Forgot your other questions. My first two pregnancies were pretty much identical. Both girls. My first labor was 3 hours with a few minutes of pushing, and my second was 47 minutes with a couple grunts in <30 seconds (she descended very rapidly with hardly any heads up.) My third pregnancy was the most difficult of all. I actually had nausea and strong food aversions that lasted until 21ish weeks, and though I only threw up a few times, two of those times were in the third trimester. I had horrible anxiety and just felt really off throughout my entire pregnancy.
I developed edema at 29 weeks, and progressively worsening polyhydramnios at 30 weeks while on vacation. (I tend to think it was intuition that told something wasn't right.) By the start of 34 weeks I was measuring 15 weeks ahead and looked like I was carrying triplets. I ended up being induced via pitocin. AROM was to help relieve the excess fluid, but the issues surrounding my severe polyhydramnios made active labor slower to start. It only lasted 1 hour and 40 minutes with no pushing. He slid out in a gush of water. (TW: The issues I presented with were related to his esophageal and gastrointestinal malformations that we weren't aware of.)
By contrast, my next pregnancy was nearly identical to my first two, and "labor" was pretty much non-existent. What I experienced wasn't labor. He just basically shot out via maternal-fetal ejection reflex. It was very similar with #5. Not a whole lot going on, I thought, until just minutes before her birth.
With #'s 1, 2, 4 and 5, I didn't start "labor" until in transition, hence why they don't last very long. I was 4 cm upon admittance, and 5 cm when contractions started with #3, and that was after pitocin when my uterus had time to decompress from being severely over-distended.
Our plan is to have baby in the room for a few months (or maybe he'll go in the nursery right away if I can't get any sleep, we'll see), using a bassinet by the bed for easy feeding and soothing. Did any of you use a Pack N Play with the bassinet in your room for the baby to sleep in? Instead of the Halo or other type of bassinet? Any recommendations of one over the other? Is it worth it to have both in the house? I'm having a c-section so getting up in the beginning will be difficult.
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
As for investing in multiple options, what's your housing set up look like? With my son I had the travel sized pack n play in the bedroom and the Fisher Price Rock N Play downstairs in the living room until he was 3 or 4 months then I set up a full sized pack n play downstairs on the top setting for naps and such with the other pack n play in the bedroom upstairs. It helped a ton when I was moving around the house as I didn't feel limited or too far away if baby was napping while I was cooking, doing laundry, or cleaning.
It looks like this may be more for naps and not sleeping at night?
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
I had a c-section with DD and actually found it easiest to get DD out of her crib, raised to the highest setting. But maybe that's because of our individual crib; it was raised to a height where I barely had to bend over at all while standing, and I put it right next to our bed so I could get her out of it without even getting out of bed to nurse at night.
Moral of this rambling post is that it is good to have options. We even tried having him sleep in the swing (big "no no" .. I know) for a night or two because I was so exhausted. He didn't sleep more than 3 hours in a row for the first month... and I breastfed... very tiring.
We're getting either a halo co-sleeper or arms reach co-sleeper this time because it will bring baby right up next to me without the baby being in danger from me sleeping to heavily etc. I hope this one will be able to sleep flat, if not, we have a rock-n-play if needed.
This is time though, I'm debating between trying the halo bassinet (I'll be a repeat c section) or trying to see if the baby will accept sleeping in their crib. I slept so terribly with my son in the room (I woke with every gurgle and grunt) and I'm wondering if the crib would work better for everyone.
DS: 5 years old
TTC #2 since August 2015
July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts
November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
A little background: My sister-in-law does not vaccinate her two kids, both of whom are under 5 years old. (Her kids, her decision - I'm not trying to instigate a vaccine debate in this thread by any means.) Both kids tend to be sick/feverish a lot too. She keeps them at home full time and they rarely interact with other kids so they've not built up much immunity and when they do go in public they tend to be more susceptible. A lot of it is probably just normal bug/virus stuff kids deal with when they're young too. Taking those things into consideration has led me to a decision that I don't want her kids coming to meet the baby until flu season is over and we've had our first set of shots.
Additionally, the pediatrician we'll be using attends our church so I talked with her about this last week. She said she always tells parents of newborns, especially those born during flu season, that babies should not be exposed to any kids under the age of 5 (except siblings, of course) until after their first set of shots at 2 months. Standard practice here (not sure about other areas) is to admit any infant who has a fever of 100+ degrees and hasn't received those initial shots to the hospital for 2 days. She explained why they do that and made me even determined to enforce the 'no kid visitors' rule. She suggested Facetime as a good alternative for the kids for the first couple of months.
I'm curious to hear about any experiences you've had with these kind of conversations, especially when it comes to the family dynamic and how to best deliver the message. I'm concerned because the kids are so excited about having a new little cousin and will be hurt and confused when they can't meet the baby right away. And my sister-in-law definitely won't be pleased when I say no. Even if you had different family members or situations you were concerned about I'd love to hear how you approached the discussion and anything you might do differently next time.
Ive had similar conversations about who visits in the hospital, my kids diet, car seat safety... etc. it never ends.
@caitb13 I love the "Moms on Call" books! They have great, concise baby care info as well as sleep training that has worked wonderfully for my kids!
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
What are your thoughts on infant CPR classes -- totally necessary or just good to have but not essential?
We're going over what classes to take :-) So far have signed up for baby basics/newborn care.
I feel eel so much better having it. And I totally believe it’s worth it. Especially when DS choked on his food at 8mo old. I knew just what to do and it could have been super scary otherwise
1. Lower shirt and just pull the boob out the top. I usually would wear a fashionable scarf in order to cover the top of the breast to make things more discrete.
2. I would wear a tank top and a regular shirt over top. I'd pull the tank down enough to uncover the breast and pull the regular shirt up to uncover the breast. This was my favorite approach because your sides and top were covered so it is very discrete (which is important for me) and it actually gives you a lot of space to get baby latched
Edit: I didn’t buy specific nursing clothes though. I did the two shirt method as mentioned above, or made sure I could pull the shirt down.