I'm 14 weeks and at 12 weeks we had a blood test done showing that we are exlecting a girl. I know that it sounds awful and i do feel guilty but I'm upset ny this. I have always pictured my husband and i with a boy. I'm not into the pink princess or girly things. Not to mention im terrifyed that she will grow up and be like my sister (large ae gap. She is only 15 and alredy having sex very disrespectful and more.) I know not every girl is like that, I wasn't, but thats all i have to base this off of right now. Has anyone had this befor and what is a good way to get over it?
Re: Gender Disappointment?
Girls are just as capable at sports, can be just as outdoorsy... it's okay to be temporarily bummed and mourn the family you thought you would have. But try to reframe it and think of all the things you get instead. One day you'll help her pick out her wedding dress. One day she'll walk around in your shoes and play dress up with your jewelry. One day you'll have a built in shopping buddy. Think of all you will get to experience.
second, feeling disappointed is normal. Fear is totally normal, too. It is normal to think one certain and be disappointed when it doesn't happen how you imagined. The fact that you are talking about this and facing your views is awesome. You will be a great mom to her. If with time your feelings of fear don't begin to dissipate, maybe consider some sort of counseling. Unresolved feelings of disappointment may lead to disconnect with your baby and PPD.
I do think that your fear of her turning into your sister is a bit unreasonable. Your sister is not raising her. You are. You can raise her up differently than your sister was raised.
Personally, I have an issue with both boys and girls having sex at fifteen. If you had a boy, there's just as good a chance he would turn out like your sister in the negative things as a daughter turning out that way.
I agree with the others that disappointment is normal, and I urge you to work through these feelings with your husband. Talk to him. Or talk to a counser.
As others have mentioned, this doesn't mean pink everything, this doesn't mean all Barbi and no Baseball. I'm having a girl as well and I've already painted her room a lovely dusty blue color and the theme is woodland. H is already looking forward to taking her to martial arts classes.
The point is that this is YOUR daughter. Raise her to become the badass woman you want her to be. Your H can still play catch with her or whatever else.
Started TTC Nov. 2011
1st clomid cycle June 2012- No response :: HSG August 2012- Left tube blocked, right tube clear :: 2nd clomid cycle Aug. 2012 BFN :: 3rd clomid cycle Sept. 2012 :: BFP Sept 30th :: DS born 6/15/13 :: BFP #2 7/29/14 M/C 8/5/14 :: BFP#3 10/20/14 DD born 7/1/2015 :: Applied to be surrogate April '17 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for IFs Dec. '17 :: Surro Babe born 9/11/18 :: Started 2nd Journey May '19 :: Transferred 1 Embryo for new IFs 9/24/19 :: HB 138 at 6w6d
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I get why you are afraid she will turn out like your sister but don't worry. When she is born you won't see your sister. You'll see your baby and alot of fears will wash away
See... this is a great example of how not to talk about gender disappointment in mixed company. There's "I'm a little bummed" or "I'm worried about my ability to parent a ____" but "I was highly upset" and "there is still hope"???
Those are the kind of things you say when there's an actual serious health problem you're worried about.
Please remember that you're mixing with people who have dealt with loss and infertility and consider your wording.
FTR, I come from a family of three girls. None of us were teen moms or junkies or dropouts or whatever. We're all adults with families and careers. We had a great time growing up and we are each happy to have two sisters. I wouldn't trade either one for a brother.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
FWIW as thrilled as I am to finally be pregnant I've always envisioned a girl...even DH has been rooting for a girl because most of our friends have little girls and that's just what he's used to be being around . I've been feeling like this is a girl, but I'm sure I'll have some disappointment if we find out next month it's a boy instead. Of course I'll love my baby and be fine, but this could likely be our only pregnancy so that doesn't mean I can't mourn what I envisioned life to be like.
There is no reason your little one will turn out to be like your sister. You and your DH will be raising this baby, your baby will become her own individual. And you may decide you like pink or dolls if you start to see your little girl's face light up when she sees or plays with those things.
But its okay you feel this way. And don't let anyone else make you feel badly because of it, because they had a difficult time conceiving or for any reason. We all have our own personal struggles in this world, and just because someone has one that is worse than yours doesn't mean you can't be sad.
I got over it though because in reality, there is no way to say if I was having a girl that she would be girly. And I have warmed up to having a boy and am now very excited! It's going to be a whole new adventure! Plus, I get to be the only girly girl now
Either gender is great! Babies are great!