@cupcakeforme gosh it must be really nice going through life only concerned with yourself.
No no one is saying that you have to cover your children or hide your bump but you would seriously approach a friend who has gone through infant loss with no regards for their feelings?
I hope to god you are a troll that will soon crawl back into whatever dark hole of the internet you came from.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
I revealed that I am pregnant this past week to my manager who lost her baby at 20 weeks this July and she genuinely was beyond happy for me and jumped up happy and gave me a hug.
@mileswithmyles I would not hide anything and just announce I am pregnant. It is not about them, it is about me.
It isn’t hiding anything. It’s not drawing unnecessary attention to something that might be hurtful to someone. You don’t need to announce/insert that you’re pregnant into every single sentence or conversation.
Also, to your “It is not about them, it is about me” statement is an incredibly self-centered perspective to take.
Of course you aren’t going to hide your bump or baby in public, but you are on a pregnancy/family board here and it’s very obvious there are many women struggling with IF, miscarriages, losses and more. Don’t be so insensitive. @cupcakeforme
@cupcakeforme of course everyone's personal pregnancy is about them and their partner; however that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have compassion for others and what they may have been through or be going through. You sound like you're bragging about revealing that you were pregnant to your manager who just suffered a horrific loss. I obviously don't know your reasoning for revealing your pregnancy so early to her, but I hope you showed her more compassion than you are showing some of the ladies on here. Personally, *TW loss mentioned* I have a cousin who just experienced a loss at 21 weeks and I am DREADING revealing my pregnancy to them and my aunt - not because they won't be happy for me, but because they are still hurting. You don't just suddenly get over the loss of a baby. *end TW* So while she may have been genuinely happy for you, I am sure your news still really hurt her - but as your manager she can't say that to you. I know tone is hard to interpret online, but your tone is coming across as very, "Well I am pregnant and you're not, get over it." No one is saying you can't be happy about your pregnancy - but you can be more understanding that everyone has not been so fortunate.
@cupcakeforme because it was explained to you WHY spoiler tags are used (to minimize pain for others) and you made it sound like you think that whole concept is dumb too....
@cupcakeforme thinking spoiler tags are dumb isn’t being insensitive. Thinking it is all about you and intentionally flaunting your pregnancy to someone who had a loss or is struggling with IF is 100% insensitive.
@cupcakeforme Your all about me attitude, no slice of compassion for others is being insensitive. You were pretty specific about what spoiler tags. If you said “I think spoiler tags for funny gifs is stupid” you might be having a different conversation.
I don't see how me thinking spoiler tags are dumb is being insensitive.
@cupcakeforme Do you seriously think anyone on here is faulting you for your opinion on a spoiler siggy? You are being called insensitive for having zero sensitivity for what others might be going through and thinking the world revolves around you. Good bye.
All right everyone, I would like to make a public apology and take it all back. When I was first on the bump in 2011, things were very different and we didn't have spoiler tags, we didn't have so many rules to post either. We didn't have trigger warnings. I am sorry. having said that, once I figure things out and all the tricks, I will create a spoiler tag signature for myself.
All right everyone, I would like to make a public apology and take it all back. When I was first on the bump in 2011, things were very different and we didn't have spoiler tags, we didn't have so many rules to post either. We didn't have trigger warnings. I am sorry. having said that, once I figure things out and all the tricks, I will create a spoiler tag signature for myself.
All right everyone, I would like to make a public apology and take it all back. When I was first on the bump in 2011, things were very different and we didn't have spoiler tags, we didn't have so many rules to post either. We didn't have trigger warnings. I am sorry. having said that, once I figure things out and all the tricks, I will create a spoiler tag signature for myself.
My FFFC I don't like coffee it gives me the jitters. Like I start feeling really anxious and start over analyzing everything. I also think quote gets overused... And wish people would just clip it down to the part they are addressing specifically in their responses. Does that make sense?
@cupcakeforme *TW* As a stillbirth mom I couldn’t agree more with @TattoosandLace . A babies heart stopping for whatever reason and having to birth to their sweet little perfect body is horrific and traumatic and for the next...um let’s say forever...every single time someone tells you that they have a baby inside of them that’s alive? Well it cuts like a knife. We act strong. We act fine. We act happy for them. And we are. But its still a punch to our gut that takes our breath away. And we appreciate a gentle acknowledgment that it’s about everyone. It’s about the lost babies too. It’s about that they can’t be friends with your alive baby and they can’t go to school together and go to college together and be each other’s bridesmaids. When the world loses a baby it loses a whole entire life. And it’s a loss. For everyone. Even you.
I too am of the idea that life doesnt come with "tw" alerts infront of every traumatic thing in life. And to expect people to not be excited about their life because yours is painful is equally selfish. Everyone has a story. Avoiding sensitive topics because they bother you is kinda wussy IMO
@notaknottie912 why are you resurrecting this? Are you really hitching your wagon to this comment?
I'm really sorry you feel like it's selfish to be sensitive to people who have had to deal with the loss of one of their offspring. Maybe TW's are a bit overdone. Sure. But the alternative is so nasty, so thoughtless that I really don't get the point.
I'm worried right now that I might not have a viable pregnancy. While I have a DD, I struggled to conceive her and this baby conceived without intervention seems like a miracle. I'm sorry that's raining on your parade or selfish. Maybe this is rude, but the world is not black and white. Grow up.
Holy shiiittt what did I just read? @cupcakeforme - are you aware that it's October...right... *TW* Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month? You too, @notaknottie912 - you two must have never suffered a devastating loss like some of these women have. Both my sister and my SIL both have suffered miscarriages. My own mother suffered a still birth at 8 months pregnant. I should have a little brother today but I don't. *END TW* These terrible things happen and it's important to raise awareness about these things. Y'all just sound ignorant as hell... Yes, everyone has a story. But there are women out there that wish more than anything to be a mother. And for you two to sit here and spew the shit you're saying... God I'd love to throat punch you both. I hope you're just trolls trying to MUD. Because I would hope a woman that is expecting her first baby, especially as early as you two are, would NEVER say things like you have in this thread. Educate yourselves.
I have experienced all sorts of loss. Pregnancy loss, loss of families, loss of my senses, permanent disability, etc. Its not insensitive to be happy with your own life. I agree you shouldnt "rub it in other's faces" but being able to celebrate other people's successes is a very important part of healing emotionally on your own journey.
My best friend lost her baby 2 days before her scheduled csection and still had to have a csection for her baby while i was 5 months pregnant. And guess what, she was still genuinely happy for me and my baby when she came around. Enabling her to live in a fantasy world where people stop having babies would actually be bad for her, said by her counsellor and psychiatrist after her devastating loss.
Since it's now bumped back to the top, I will comment. @notaknottie912 What's your story? Have you been through a loss and know the feelings associated to being a loss mom? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are speaking from experience. Because if you're not, then I don't think it's your place to chime in here.
Let me just ask you and I think it's @cupcakesforme or something like that. Have either of you had something your heart desired SO badly but you couldn't have it? Then your best friend comes in flaunting just that, what you've been desiring for years. She got it. Are you happy for her? (Just assuming you'll say yes here.) Are you still screaming in anger and sadness on the inside? Do you let her see that pain and sadness? I suppose it depends on what kind of friend she is. If you do show her that pain and sadness, how would you feel if she said, well this isn't about you, it's about me? If this is a material thing that you're so badly desiring and your friend gets it and you don't, now multiply that pain x1000 because I would've given ANY of my earthly material possessions to be able to have a child before we had our successful pregnancies. (I am seriously looking for the answers to these questions, by the way.)
Take a peek at my signature. As you can see, I am pregnant for the eighth time. I have two precious miracles at home, five babies in heaven, and I am hoping and praying that this pregnancy will also not end in m/c. I do not have a spoiler on it because I just haven't done it. Unlike some of the other ladies, I am not a part of other boards where my signature may be hurtful to them so I don't feel as though it is as necessary. During our loss years, though, when I was part of the MC/PL (miscarriage/pregnancy loss board just in case you aren't aware of that abbreviation means) I wish there would have been ways to hide signatures as there were many people who had children and would post the most squishy, adorable baby in the signatures.
There are moms on this board that have had full term losses. There are moms on this board who have struggled with IF for years. There are moms on this board who have been pregnant multiple times and only have one or two babies in their arms. There are moms on this board who would give anything to hold THEIR OWN baby in their arms and they are finally pregnant and hoping and praying for this baby to stick. For you two to walk in here and say "it's not about you, it's about me" and "there aren't trigger warnings IRL so why should we have to worry about them here" is insensitive. You're right, there aren't TW IRL; I sure wish there were sometimes.
***TW***
Like that time I walk into the doctors office and see glowing, happy, pregnant women all around and I'm going in for a follow up appointment to make sure that my entire baby that died passed entirely on it's own. Or going in thinking that my baby is just fine and then find out at the ultrasound that my baby died, while I was carrying it, and then going out to the lobby to hear the fresh newborn crying or cooing. Boy do I wish there were warnings for moments like that.
***END TW***
When we can prevent bringing up hurt, pain, and sadness for others, we should.
I didn't want to comment but since it got bumped to the top again, I decided I would.
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
Everything in life can be a trigger in life. Holding hands happily with your partner. Wearing a push up bra. Walking on two legs. Talking vocally to people around you. Wearing nice clothes. Going to work. Proclaiming to be at family get togethers. From someone who has experienced a LOT of loss, it seems ridiculous to expect the entire world to avoid subjects and basically withdraw from engaging you in their lives because it MIGHT upset you. That sure is isolating, and dark and scary in itself.
Yes, I get that @notaknottie912 but when we can be sympathetic to others situations, why wouldn't you?
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
Re: FFFC (10/13)
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
No no one is saying that you have to cover your children or hide your bump but you would seriously approach a friend who has gone through infant loss with no regards for their feelings?
I hope to god you are a troll that will soon crawl back into whatever dark hole of the internet you came from.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Also, to your “It is not about them, it is about me” statement is an incredibly self-centered perspective to take.
DD: 09/16/14 @ 37 weeks
Baby #2: BFP 09/29 @ 11 DPO | EDD: 06/11/18
Betas: 10/04 - 235 | 10/10 - 2,975 | 10/13 - 8,150 | 10/16 - 21,987
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
ETA: words
DD: 09/16/14 @ 37 weeks
Baby #2: BFP 09/29 @ 11 DPO | EDD: 06/11/18
Betas: 10/04 - 235 | 10/10 - 2,975 | 10/13 - 8,150 | 10/16 - 21,987
Me: 30 | DH: 31
Met: August 2006
Married: July 2012
TTC #1 since June 2016
***TW***
BFP: 7/12/16 | MC: 9/12/16
BFP: 1/18/17 | MMC: 2/13/17
BFP: 10/7/17 | EDD: 6/21/17
MTHFR: homozygous A1298C
having said that, once I figure things out and all the tricks, I will create a spoiler tag signature for myself.
DD: 09/16/14 @ 37 weeks
Baby #2: BFP 09/29 @ 11 DPO | EDD: 06/11/18
Betas: 10/04 - 235 | 10/10 - 2,975 | 10/13 - 8,150 | 10/16 - 21,987
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
My FFFC I don't like coffee it gives me the jitters. Like I start feeling really anxious and start over analyzing everything. I also think quote gets overused... And wish people would just clip it down to the part they are addressing specifically in their responses. Does that make sense?
Edit -spelling
DS - January 2014
TTCAL | April 2016
CP | June 2016
CP | July 2016
I'm really sorry you feel like it's selfish to be sensitive to people who have had to deal with the loss of one of their offspring. Maybe TW's are a bit overdone. Sure. But the alternative is so nasty, so thoughtless that I really don't get the point.
I'm worried right now that I might not have a viable pregnancy. While I have a DD, I struggled to conceive her and this baby conceived without intervention seems like a miracle. I'm sorry that's raining on your parade or selfish. Maybe this is rude, but the world is not black and white. Grow up.
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
*lurking from March 18*
Holy shiiittt what did I just read? @cupcakeforme - are you aware that it's October...right... *TW* Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month? You too, @notaknottie912 - you two must have never suffered a devastating loss like some of these women have. Both my sister and my SIL both have suffered miscarriages. My own mother suffered a still birth at 8 months pregnant. I should have a little brother today but I don't. *END TW* These terrible things happen and it's important to raise awareness about these things. Y'all just sound ignorant as hell... Yes, everyone has a story. But there are women out there that wish more than anything to be a mother. And for you two to sit here and spew the shit you're saying... God I'd love to throat punch you both. I hope you're just trolls trying to MUD. Because I would hope a woman that is expecting her first baby, especially as early as you two are, would NEVER say things like you have in this thread. Educate yourselves.
My best friend lost her baby 2 days before her scheduled csection and still had to have a csection for her baby while i was 5 months pregnant. And guess what, she was still genuinely happy for me and my baby when she came around. Enabling her to live in a fantasy world where people stop having babies would actually be bad for her, said by her counsellor and psychiatrist after her devastating loss.
Since it's now bumped back to the top, I will comment. @notaknottie912 What's your story? Have you been through a loss and know the feelings associated to being a loss mom? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are speaking from experience. Because if you're not, then I don't think it's your place to chime in here.
Let me just ask you and I think it's @cupcakesforme or something like that. Have either of you had something your heart desired SO badly but you couldn't have it? Then your best friend comes in flaunting just that, what you've been desiring for years. She got it. Are you happy for her? (Just assuming you'll say yes here.) Are you still screaming in anger and sadness on the inside? Do you let her see that pain and sadness? I suppose it depends on what kind of friend she is. If you do show her that pain and sadness, how would you feel if she said, well this isn't about you, it's about me? If this is a material thing that you're so badly desiring and your friend gets it and you don't, now multiply that pain x1000 because I would've given ANY of my earthly material possessions to be able to have a child before we had our successful pregnancies. (I am seriously looking for the answers to these questions, by the way.)
Take a peek at my signature. As you can see, I am pregnant for the eighth time. I have two precious miracles at home, five babies in heaven, and I am hoping and praying that this pregnancy will also not end in m/c. I do not have a spoiler on it because I just haven't done it. Unlike some of the other ladies, I am not a part of other boards where my signature may be hurtful to them so I don't feel as though it is as necessary. During our loss years, though, when I was part of the MC/PL (miscarriage/pregnancy loss board just in case you aren't aware of that abbreviation means) I wish there would have been ways to hide signatures as there were many people who had children and would post the most squishy, adorable baby in the signatures.
There are moms on this board that have had full term losses. There are moms on this board who have struggled with IF for years. There are moms on this board who have been pregnant multiple times and only have one or two babies in their arms. There are moms on this board who would give anything to hold THEIR OWN baby in their arms and they are finally pregnant and hoping and praying for this baby to stick. For you two to walk in here and say "it's not about you, it's about me" and "there aren't trigger warnings IRL so why should we have to worry about them here" is insensitive. You're right, there aren't TW IRL; I sure wish there were sometimes.
***TW***
Like that time I walk into the doctors office and see glowing, happy, pregnant women all around and I'm going in for a follow up appointment to make sure that my entire baby that died passed entirely on it's own. Or going in thinking that my baby is just fine and then find out at the ultrasound that my baby died, while I was carrying it, and then going out to the lobby to hear the fresh newborn crying or cooing. Boy do I wish there were warnings for moments like that.
***END TW***
When we can prevent bringing up hurt, pain, and sadness for others, we should.
I didn't want to comment but since it got bumped to the top again, I decided I would.
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM