@izza2 that was my exact thought! Most of my family hunts and I would say 50% of the protein I consume was hunted (or fished) by my husband, uncles, or family friends. So, sorry, I can't agree with the "no guns for anyone" argument. Hunting is a way of life for some people, especially lower income people in rural areas. Additionally, hunting plays a huge role in environmental conservation and wildlife management.
And for whoever shot back about bows being harder to hunt with and that its ironic they prefer guns. She didnt meant just harder to take home game, she meant much harder to get a clean kill. This doesnt mean less animals are hunted, just means theres a likelihood of the animal suffering. If you attend any basic hunters safety course you will learn that a true sportsman does not "enjoy" killing another animal. (in fact my husband does not hunt big game because he just doesn't feel comfortable with it, but he is a new hunter).They appreciate that animals life and sacrifice, so that they can feed their family. That being said, I would MUCH rather eat meat that was hunted since I know for a fact that the animal lived a great, free range life, and died a quick and painless death (since I only eat meat from skilled and caring hunters). Imagine the life of a cow on a cattle ranch, sleeping in its own manure and slaughtered in an assembly line, versus a deer that has lived roaming the wild its while life, killed by a single quick bullet. So that being said, yes, I do not want everyone out there hunting with bows. It is incredibly difficult and time consuming to become skilled enough at bow hunting to consistently get a clean and quick kill (which is the number 2 goal in hunting aside from overall safety). End rant....I could go on for days.
Also, @ivyvines6 yes!!! So tired of people thinking owning a gun is a right, but getting life saving medical care is not. and don't even get me started on pro-life people not wanting to support parents and child once born. Makes me sick.
^wss I'd rather get a clean kill with a gun than make an animal suffer by using a bow. So yes, I'd rather take the "easy way" and use a gun. Because I'm sorry, but I'd rather eat the meat knowing their last moments weren't full of suffering than know that they died incredibly slow because the bow didn't shoot straight. So yes, feel free to sit on a high horse and say that I'm taking the easy way out because I'd rather have a clean kill, but I feel the animals humanity is more important than someone's feelings that everyone in the private sector is too irresponsible to ever own guns for any reason, ever.
Good lord, they didn't even make it out the intros without a WK? dang....
Angel Babies 1&2 2/14/09 DS born 3/11 Angel Baby 3 6/28/11 9/5/17 BFP!! divorced October 2014 9/6/17 hCG 88 progesterone 9.1 (prometrium started) Married DH 10/15 DH's DS born 6/09 9/8/17 hCG 242!!! Not preventing since 11/15 EDD 5/8/18 Adjusted 5/15/18 TTC since 1/1/16 9/27/17 we have a heart beat!
Good lord, they didn't even make it out the intros without a WK? dang....
I can't be the only person who noticed in their intros that a woman announced that she was exactly 4 weeks pregnant to the day and she hadn't taken a test yet but she hopes the baby sticks? So… What I gathered is that she had sex the night before, decided she was pregnant, and joined that group? Did I miss something?
I'd rather get a clean kill with a gun than make an animal suffer by using a bow. So yes, I'd rather take the "easy way" and use a gun. Because I'm sorry, but I'd rather eat the meat knowing their last moments weren't full of suffering than know that they died incredibly slow because the bow didn't shoot straight. So yes, feel free to sit on a high horse and say that I'm taking the easy way out because I'd rather have a clean kill, but I feel the animals humanity is more important than someone's feelings that everyone in the private sector is too irresponsible to ever own guns for any reason, ever.
Agreed, animal suffering is terrible and should be avoided as much as possible. Don't even get me started on the evilness of factory farms...
However, this isn't about you. I don't doubt that you are responsible. It's a case of "the needs of the many outway the needs of the one". I admit I don't know enough about guns or hunting or being a sniper or violent crime statistics to say if we can keep hunting riffles and be safe. But I do know, the countries that have fewer guns have fewer people that die by gunshot. That's the whole point - no more mass shootings, no more police killing citizens or citizens killing police. Maybe that's too idealistic, but averting just one death would be worth whatever it takes.
Good lord, they didn't even make it out the intros without a WK? dang....
I can't be the only person who noticed in their intros that a woman announced that she was exactly 4 weeks pregnant to the day and she hadn't taken a test yet but she hopes the baby sticks? So… What I gathered is that she had sex the night before, decided she was pregnant, and joined that group? Did I miss something?
I didn't notice that girl. But, I mean...it's possible to know when you are four weeks, since most people ovulate mid cycle (so 2 weeks on normal pregnancy 40 week run), so she had sex two weeks earlier? But, yeah...if you are four weeks you should be able to turn a test (or at least soon).....so it's appalling when people post "I know I am pregnant, but I haven't tested....." ummm. no. Just no.
In Australia you can only own a gun if you have a rural property or belong to a gun club. We were also a country with many guns, farmers, everyone had one. Then after a mass shooting in the 90's gov't introduced strict rules happened and since no mass shootings. I get that the USA is a very large country and very different. If you look at gun law they are actually very different for each state, ranging from very easy to buy any gun, to laws in many states as strict as Aus (delayed time on application and gun ownership, etc.) So actually it's sometimes a state problem, (stricter laws correlate with lower gun deaths) but there's also no security state to state so it's also a broken system. For anyone who hunts or needs guns they are available with states with stricter laws so I don't see the issue if more states adopt this. At some point the country should unify on issues, and other points it shouldn't. Guns might be one because it seems the current state of things isn't great.
If people think freedom means ability to buy guns, which is more freeing I feel you feel like buying a gun, the flip side is it's less freeing when you have a higher chance of death by guns. Freedom isn't one facet. And TBH the whole "freedom" thing here is puzzling. Some things are more "free" free trade, but does that actually mean a freer life? I feel and think I am truly more free in Aus than in a city in USA because I can walk around at night - or anywhere - and I am much less likely to be murdered with a gun. (It's about 4-5x in USA).
Similarly, freedom from government control can also be seen from different aspects. Are Australians more free when we pay higher tax (max bracket 48% vs 30%) but we are a more egalitarian society with less crime and a very nice minimum wage? The rich are less free, the people who dislike the "nanny state" are less free, but the majority of people seem to be more free from my perspective. It really depends on the exact circumstance.
There's the freedom of private funding producing high end specialised medicine and tech, but pushes university prices to rediculous levels. On the other hand in Aus nearly all universities are gov't run, with funding spread. We can go to university for "free" and while we don't have Ivy League schools we have all our universities doctorate awarding that are 10-20K for a degree with an interest free loan from the gov't and we don't pay back our school loan until we earn over 45K.
I respect and find the cultural history of USA interesting and think that is what makes people passionate about certain issues like guns. Purely data driven decisions may be to have strict gun control, but the cultural side is given power here. Australia is a much younger country with much less cultural story than here, so we aren't very wrapped up in the history and meaning of things. Which is good and bad. But makes for generally boring politics and quite safe decisions, maybe nanny state, but also our gov't has nothing to do with private funding or money like it does here. It's so incredibly different - it's hard to compare, but I'm just illustrating another western country that might be interesting or useful.
There's my 2c opinion acquired by having my eyes opened by living in 2 very different countries and cultures. Though seeming very similar too. The USA is so big and diverse I almost get why the 50 states are each so different and states control many laws. In Aus most things are national gov't with few things run by state. I something think of USA as 50 mini countries!
We we love many things about the USA, especially many of the people we've met. Others are the most interesting people we couldn't have imagined...
Good lord, they didn't even make it out the intros without a WK? dang....
I can't be the only person who noticed in their intros that a woman announced that she was exactly 4 weeks pregnant to the day and she hadn't taken a test yet but she hopes the baby sticks? So… What I gathered is that she had sex the night before, decided she was pregnant, and joined that group? Did I miss something?
I didn't notice that girl. But, I mean...it's possible to know when you are four weeks, since most people ovulate mid cycle (so 2 weeks on normal pregnancy 40 week run), so she had sex two weeks earlier? But, yeah...if you are four weeks you should be able to turn a test (or at least soon).....so it's appalling when people post "I know I am pregnant, but I haven't tested....." ummm. no. Just no.
After infertility I'm very perplexed by this haha, maybe they have symptoms? Or just assume they get pg easily? Take a test!!! How are these people finding motivation to post on a forum but not pee on a stick?!
I foudn out I was pg 3w3days but since we had an embryo transfer the timing is spot on and I must have got HCG coming through probably just that day!
I like but then max out on political talk, so don't worry that's my big thing done. I hate arguing politics but like thinking and sharing sometimes. And learning from those with different opinions. As my grandmother said "I dislike the tattoos on people with tattoos, but, I like that there are different people to me and therefore fin them interesting"
So late to the game but my UO is I think birth plans are stupid.... my birth "plan" has always been get the baby and me out alive and we are good to go... no matter what that means inbetween.
My OB asked my birth plan last pregnancy. I said "get the babies out safely and save me last if something happens". She thought I was joking because so many women have extensive plans now.
I feel like a birth plan is necessary if you're seeking a no intervention/non medicated birth, but outside of that? It's probably unnecessary.
Good lord, they didn't even make it out the intros without a WK? dang....
I can't be the only person who noticed in their intros that a woman announced that she was exactly 4 weeks pregnant to the day and she hadn't taken a test yet but she hopes the baby sticks? So… What I gathered is that she had sex the night before, decided she was pregnant, and joined that group? Did I miss something?
I didn't notice that girl. But, I mean...it's possible to know when you are four weeks, since most people ovulate mid cycle (so 2 weeks on normal pregnancy 40 week run), so she had sex two weeks earlier? But, yeah...if you are four weeks you should be able to turn a test (or at least soon).....so it's appalling when people post "I know I am pregnant, but I haven't tested....." ummm. no. Just no.
After infertility I'm very perplexed by this haha, maybe they have symptoms? Or just assume they get pg easily? Take a test!!! How are these people finding motivation to post on a forum but not pee on a stick?!
I foudn out I was pg 3w3days but since we had an embryo transfer the timing is spot on and I must have got HCG coming through probably just that day!
Based on my sonogram on Monday which estimated I was 6 weeks 4 days - I got my BFP at 3 weeks 5 days. But I'm also addicted to peeing on sticks
My UO is that I did not enjoy the June 18 UO thread.
Not sure if this needs a TW because it's vague and the TW header will give just as many details as the following paragraphs, but
*TW sexual assault mentioned*
As someone who was sexual abused by a male teacher that I was left alone with, I found the June 18 UO thread disappointing for a lot of reasons.
The one part that really upset me was the line [emphasis added]: "If you're that concerned with abuse and that unsure of your own abilities to gauge a caretaker's trustworthiness I'm not sure you should be leaving your child with anyone at all."
You cannot just meet and interview a child predator and know that they have sick, disgusting fantasies. It doesn't work like that. The teacher that abused me had a wife he was married to for 10+ years who had no clue what a sicko he was. My parents sent me to learn from him after interviews and personal references/reviews. I had no clue the first few weeks. I had grown very attached to him and valued his opinion and thought he was brilliant. You think there will be red flags, but very often there are not.
But yea, I probably won't be leaving my young child(ren) alone with anyone because of my background. So she got that part right.
The one part that really upset me was the line [emphasis added]: "If you're that concerned with abuse and that unsure of your own abilities to gauge a caretaker's trustworthiness I'm not sure you should be leaving your child with anyone at all."
You cannot just meet and interview a child predator and know that they have sick, disgusting fantasies. It doesn't work like that. The teacher that abused me had a wife he was married to for 10+ years who had no clue what a sicko he was. My parents sent me to learn from him after interviews and personal references/reviews. I had no clue the first few weeks. I had grown very attached to him and valued his opinion and thought he was brilliant. You think there will be red flags, but very often there are not.
@silverhope first of all, I am so sorry you went through that.
I do do agree that you cannot just meet and divine who the child predators are. They are incredibly good at blending in and seeming trust worthy. That is what makes them such good predators.
It would be incredibly hard to have experienced something like that and then be able to trust anyone with your children.
TW sexual abuse: Do you guys know about the excellent book "protecting the gift" by Gavin Debecker? It's a book about protecting kids from sexual and physical violence. It's a must read for parents, although it is a very hard subject. I feel much more empowered as a parent having read it.
TW Loss My CP was even confirmed by a doctor. I had a positive home test before the loss and a barely positive blood test several days after. It's easily verifiable.
Some doctors will tell patients that, which I think is absurd. My friend's doctor told her she "probably has had several CPs" because she has irregular cycles (she had no symptoms nor did she even think she could be pregnant - she's had irregular cycles her whole life). What?! My friend then had the gall to tell me that after my losses. Thanks, but your hypothetical losses aren't the same.
@justsuzie exactly! I was appalled that she had the nerve to say "I was pregnant, but then wasn't. But, I never took a test".....nope. nope. nope. nope nope.
ETA: On another note. I get that when the medical community refers to conception they are talking about when you ovulate and the egg is fertilized. But, to me...that doesn't sit right. To me, conception begins when the egg implants (and thus, turns a positive pregnancy test). So even if her egg was fertilized (which she would have NO IDEA one way or the other), she claims it never implanted....so no, you weren't pregnant. Interestingly enough, TW*abortion mentioned* the biggest pro life people out there(catholic church) has the official stance that "life" begins at implantation and therefore any morning after pill that prevents implantation is not an abortion. So...even the catholic church would tell that chick, sorry not pregnant. Take that for what you will.
My UO is that I did not enjoy the June 18 UO thread.
Not sure if this needs a TW because it's vague and the TW header will give just as many details as the following paragraphs, but
*TW sexual assault mentioned*
As someone who was sexual abused by a male teacher that I was left alone with, I found the June 18 UO thread disappointing for a lot of reasons.
The one part that really upset me was the line [emphasis added]: "If you're that concerned with abuse and that unsure of your own abilities to gauge a caretaker's trustworthiness I'm not sure you should be leaving your child with anyone at all."
You cannot just meet and interview a child predator and know that they have sick, disgusting fantasies. It doesn't work like that. The teacher that abused me had a wife he was married to for 10+ years who had no clue what a sicko he was. My parents sent me to learn from him after interviews and personal references/reviews. I had no clue the first few weeks. I had grown very attached to him and valued his opinion and thought he was brilliant. You think there will be red flags, but very often there are not.
But yea, I probably won't be leaving my young child(ren) alone with anyone because of my background. So she got that part right.
So much this..... if you have experienced this kind of abuse or have a connection to it I don't see how it would be considered sexists to have serious reservations before having a male or anyone else for that matter watch your child. You already question everyone and everything in your life and then made to feel guilty for being afraid just doesn't sit well with me.
TW sexual crimePTSD: In my career I have worked with survivors of sexual crimes w/PTSD which happened to be by only male perps. It makes me really sad and mad to think a survivor may read that posting and interpret their personal feelings towards male caregivers/docs (e.g. persons in a "place of power") as sexist, shameful, etc. The poster did not give any thought or allowances to this instance. (For the record, I AM NOT SAYING ONLY MALES ARE PERPS OR THAT MALES SHOULD NOT BE CAREGIVERS.). I'm only saying please consider there may be other reasons for a discomfort other than sexism that should be respected.
TW sexual abuse: Do you guys know about the excellent book "protecting the gift" by Gavin Debecker? It's a book about protecting kids from sexual and physical violence. It's a must read for parents, although it is a very hard subject. I feel much more empowered as a parent having read it.
I second this author. He also wrote The Gift of Fear about trusting your gut instincts. A very enlightening read.
As a law enforcement officer i work with sex offenders frequently. In my particular field it is child porn traffickers, producers, and those that entice children. It's amazing how most of these perpetrators appear to be the average person next door with a good career, family, and community member. I'm jaded bc of my knowledge but I'd encourage EVERYONE to become jaded to some extent. Sick people exist and it may be someone you trust the most (husband, brother, neighbor, teacher, coach, etc.). With that said it's soooo common to hear the family of victims share SOMETHING that made them say hmmm in hindsight but not act on it. TRUST YOUR GUT.
*Lurker* *TW* June intros had two (2!!!) people claiming CPs without positive tests.
The second one: "Last month I had a CP and was sure I was pregnant and really bummed when I wasn't because I was sure I was feeling symptoms. But this month I felt nothing at all and only took a test on a whim."
The second one after there had just been a discussion of it was what finally completely set me off. And, like someone else mentioned someone did to them, I didn't want this person telling a friend who has had a confirmed loss all about their imaginary one. To me, claiming a MC when you actually just don't get pregnant every cycle you try is like the grief version of stolen valor. It's offensive to people who have experienced actual loss and the assumption that of course you'd never have a TTC cycle that didn't result in pregnancy is offensive to the infertility community. Heck, I don't even know any IVFers who had failed transfers of blastocysts they've seen in pictures who call that a CP and they have far, far more right than the "I had typical post-ovulation symptoms" people.
And, sorry not to tag but I don't remember the SN, I would never think it or be stupid or rude enough to tell someone experiencing a loss that me losing my dog was like what they were going through. But, I will say that while MMC was terrible and I struggled plenty, I was an absolute disaster after the death of our dog (and how it happened and the fact that he was too young for that), far worse than after my MC. I think it was something like 3-4 months before I was able to sleep without alcohol or a sleep aid. He was one of those once in a lifetime dogs and we were together almost all the time (he came to work with me, too). That's not to say that it compares to losing an infant or a child at all. All I mean is that I hope people won't dismiss the grief of pet loss or ever tell someone it was "just a pet" or imply that their grief isn't valid because X is worse (not that that's what you were doing).
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
My MMC was WAY worse than losing my dog. (And I freakin loved my dog!) I developed PTSD from the MMC. I was devastated over my dog but I happy memories to look back on. All I get from looking back on my MMC is grief, anxiety, and fear. That being said, I cannot imagine losing a child considering how I fell apart after my MMC where I was 8-9 weeks.
TW sexual abuse: Do you guys know about the excellent book "protecting the gift" by Gavin Debecker? It's a book about protecting kids from sexual and physical violence. It's a must read for parents, although it is a very hard subject. I feel much more empowered as a parent having read it.
I second this author. He also wrote The Gift of Fear about trusting your gut instincts. A very enlightening read.
As a law enforcement officer i work with sex offenders frequently. In my particular field it is child porn traffickers, producers, and those that entice children. It's amazing how most of these perpetrators appear to be the average person next door with a good career, family, and community member. I'm jaded bc of my knowledge but I'd encourage EVERYONE to become jaded to some extent. Sick people exist and it may be someone you trust the most (husband, brother, neighbor, teacher, coach, etc.). With that said it's soooo common to hear the family of victims share SOMETHING that made them say hmmm in hindsight but not act on it. TRUST YOUR GUT.
Ordered. I've read gift of fear already, and it's great.
@justsuzie exactly! I was appalled that she had the nerve to say "I was pregnant, but then wasn't. But, I never took a test".....nope. nope. nope. nope nope.
ETA: On another note. I get that when the medical community refers to conception they are talking about when you ovulate and the egg is fertilized. But, to me...that doesn't sit right. To me, conception begins when the egg implants (and thus, turns a positive pregnancy test). So even if her egg was fertilized (which she would have NO IDEA one way or the other), she claims it never implanted....so no, you weren't pregnant. Interestingly enough, TW*abortion mentioned* the biggest pro life people out there(catholic d church) has the official stance that "life" begins at implantation and therefore any morning after pill that prevents implantation is not an abortion. So...even the catholic church would tell that chick, sorry not pregnant. Take that for what you will.
I just want to provide another perspective, for me with IVF for example I loved all my little embryos, some were genetically never going to make it, but I had one that was rated perfect, and was transferred and didn't stick. To me I was pregnant for that time in the sense I knew I had a seemingly good baby inside me, one that I had poured almost a year of treatments into, so even though it may not register as a CP even, it did mean a lot to me, and was hard to lose. And know baby, even 5 days old, was leaving my body. Maybe a bit different to a CP, and also different to people who don't know that an embryo even was conceived. However with infertility every month can feel like loss, some describe it in a different sense, and grief is common even without any pg or losses. It's different to losing a pg, but it's also an emotional loss. Some people of course don't see pg the same or have the same emotional connection.
Not defending or think anything other than weird of the 4 weeks pregnant/not-pregnant lady....
I promised myself if these boards went south (aka April, June 18) I would be gone. So I'm very glad baby is due in May haha I've never really used forums before so it's a first for me, and pregnancy forums too... what was I thinking?!
I forgot how much I don't like TB's user interface. So without replying directly...
I had no birth plan last time, and just remembering my nurses giving a sigh of relief and saying that people who don't have birth plans are usually the most satisfied with their experiences. That being said, I can be super plan-centric in other areas of my life, so I totally get the need to have one, birthing details just isn't something I had strong opinions on.
And in terms of comparing babies to dogs... I thought this sounded absurd, and then I had a baby and was like, wow, this really isn't that different! Toddlers, way different. But a baby and a puppy? Getting up constantly in the night, dealing with their shit around the clock... I thought puppies were actually more difficult because they're so all over the place right from the start. And...
*TW loss mentioned
when a friend lost her son at two months, I talked to her about how it made me think of losing my dog, and she totally got it (dog owner as well). She started comparing it to the friend I had recently lost, and I told her that honestly, the loss that hit me hardest was my dog. Not because my dog was more important, but because he was a part of my every day life - losing my shadow felt more comparable to her loss than losing a good friend that I saw more on a weekly or monthly basis. I think reasonably intelligent people are able to get that you can make comparisons and learn from experiences that have certain parallels without literally believing you're saying two situations are exactly the same. Obviously the loss of a child is exponentially more devastating, but finding little similarities in other experiences as a method of connecting and relating to someone in grief isn't always as tone deaf as it might seem at first.
*End of TW
And as for my own UO - just want to say that on my last board, everyone was always just stating that they didn't like foods that most people like. Not liking a food isn't a UO! Also, people would always say that they didn't like pizza - which is a huge lie, because everybody likes pizza! Hope you ladies are better than that.
I feel like when you have an adult dog it's easy to forget just how annoying puppies can be. We adopted an 8 week old puppy in June and I was blown away. It really was like a newborn. I had to carry it up and down stairs. It would cry if I left it alone in a room. It woke me up a million times each night. It pooped and peed everywhere. It chewed everything and always seemed to be into something potentially dangerous. However, it was hard for like a month. Now she's 6 months and NBD most of the time. So no, the work of caring for (healthy) adult dogs should not be compared to a baby but baby dogs really are babies
@pascal86, we love pizza in our home. So much so that I bought DH one of those pizza delivery bags for Father's day last year. Our twins loved pizza when I was pregnant and now.
The kid I'm currently pregnant with, they're another story. We did pizza on Friday and I couldn't eat it. Or hand it to our kids. DH and I walked by a cool pizza last night while on our getaway and I rushed by it. Which stinks because we defiled would have gone in had into been getting nausea from it.
I'm not sure how well this kid will do in our home if they don't like pizza, haha.
I agree on the differences with a puppy and an adult dog. After we got the new puppy last October I swore I would never get another puppy again. And I still stand by that with the exception of while my kids are little.
@zizzabell523 Truth! I went to a movie recently as a gift from my MIL and I saw the ticket was $45!!!!! What the eff? To sit with other people who won’t shut up and be freezing in the air con that smells like 20 year old popcorn! I hear you.
@bumpemma Totally valid and I completely agree that an IVF transfer is totally different than someone thinking they were pregnant via intercourse, but never tested/implanted. I did not mean to be insensitive to your loss.
@zizzabell523 Truth! I went to a movie recently as a gift from my MIL and I saw the ticket was $45!!!!! What the eff? To sit with other people who won’t shut up and be freezing in the air con that smells like 20 year old popcorn! I hear you.
I must have missed it - was someone hating on going to the movies? Count me in for that. I despise going! I don’t see the draw at all.
Re: UO 10/5
I'd rather get a clean kill with a gun than make an animal suffer by using a bow. So yes, I'd rather take the "easy way" and use a gun. Because I'm sorry, but I'd rather eat the meat knowing their last moments weren't full of suffering than know that they died incredibly slow because the bow didn't shoot straight.
So yes, feel free to sit on a high horse and say that I'm taking the easy way out because I'd rather have a clean kill, but I feel the animals humanity is more important than someone's feelings that everyone in the private sector is too irresponsible to ever own guns for any reason, ever.
I'll go back to lurking now. Great conversation.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
DS born 3/11
Angel Baby 3 6/28/11 9/5/17 BFP!!
divorced October 2014 9/6/17 hCG 88 progesterone 9.1 (prometrium started)
Married DH 10/15 DH's DS born 6/09 9/8/17 hCG 242!!!
Not preventing since 11/15 EDD 5/8/18 Adjusted 5/15/18
TTC since 1/1/16 9/27/17 we have a heart beat!
So yes, feel free to sit on a high horse and say that I'm taking the easy way out because I'd rather have a clean kill, but I feel the animals humanity is more important than someone's feelings that everyone in the private sector is too irresponsible to ever own guns for any reason, ever.
However, this isn't about you. I don't doubt that you are responsible. It's a case of "the needs of the many outway the needs of the one". I admit I don't know enough about guns or hunting or being a sniper or violent crime statistics to say if we can keep hunting riffles and be safe. But I do know, the countries that have fewer guns have fewer people that die by gunshot. That's the whole point - no more mass shootings, no more police killing citizens or citizens killing police. Maybe that's too idealistic, but averting just one death would be worth whatever it takes.
Then after a mass shooting in the 90's gov't introduced strict rules happened and since no mass shootings.
I get that the USA is a very large country and very different.
If you look at gun law they are actually very different for each state, ranging from very easy to buy any gun, to laws in many states as strict as Aus (delayed time on application and gun ownership, etc.)
So actually it's sometimes a state problem, (stricter laws correlate with lower gun deaths) but there's also no security state to state so it's also a broken system.
For anyone who hunts or needs guns they are available with states with stricter laws so I don't see the issue if more states adopt this.
At some point the country should unify on issues, and other points it shouldn't. Guns might be one because it seems the current state of things isn't great.
If people think freedom means ability to buy guns, which is more freeing I feel you feel like buying a gun, the flip side is it's less freeing when you have a higher chance of death by guns. Freedom isn't one facet. And TBH the whole "freedom" thing here is puzzling. Some things are more "free" free trade, but does that actually mean a freer life?
I feel and think I am truly more free in Aus than in a city in USA because I can walk around at night - or anywhere - and I am much less likely to be murdered with a gun. (It's about 4-5x in USA).
Similarly, freedom from government control can also be seen from different aspects.
Are Australians more free when we pay higher tax (max bracket 48% vs 30%) but we are a more egalitarian society with less crime and a very nice minimum wage?
The rich are less free, the people who dislike the "nanny state" are less free, but the majority of people seem to be more free from my perspective.
It really depends on the exact circumstance.
There's the freedom of private funding producing high end specialised medicine and tech, but pushes university prices to rediculous levels. On the other hand in Aus nearly all universities are gov't run, with funding spread. We can go to university for "free" and while we don't have Ivy League schools we have all our universities doctorate awarding that are 10-20K for a degree with an interest free loan from the gov't and we don't pay back our school loan until we earn over 45K.
I respect and find the cultural history of USA interesting and think that is what makes people passionate about certain issues like guns. Purely data driven decisions may be to have strict gun control, but the cultural side is given power here. Australia is a much younger country with much less cultural story than here, so we aren't very wrapped up in the history and meaning of things. Which is good and bad. But makes for generally boring politics and quite safe decisions, maybe nanny state, but also our gov't has nothing to do with private funding or money like it does here. It's so incredibly different - it's hard to compare, but I'm just illustrating another western country that might be interesting or useful.
There's my 2c opinion acquired by having my eyes opened by living in 2 very different countries and cultures. Though seeming very similar too.
The USA is so big and diverse I almost get why the 50 states are each so different and states control many laws. In Aus most things are national gov't with few things run by state. I something think of USA as 50 mini countries!
We we love many things about the USA, especially many of the people we've met. Others are the most interesting people we couldn't have imagined...
I foudn out I was pg 3w3days but since we had an embryo transfer the timing is spot on and I must have got HCG coming through probably just that day!
Not sure if this needs a TW because it's vague and the TW header will give just as many details as the following paragraphs, but
*TW sexual assault mentioned*
As someone who was sexual abused by a male teacher that I was left alone with, I found the June 18 UO thread disappointing for a lot of reasons.
The one part that really upset me was the line [emphasis added]: "If you're that concerned with abuse and that unsure of your own abilities to gauge a caretaker's trustworthiness I'm not sure you should be leaving your child with anyone at all."
You cannot just meet and interview a child predator and know that they have sick, disgusting fantasies. It doesn't work like that. The teacher that abused me had a wife he was married to for 10+ years who had no clue what a sicko he was. My parents sent me to learn from him after interviews and personal references/reviews. I had no clue the first few weeks. I had grown very attached to him and valued his opinion and thought he was brilliant. You think there will be red flags, but very often there are not.
But yea, I probably won't be leaving my young child(ren) alone with anyone because of my background. So she got that part right.
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
I do do agree that you cannot just meet and divine who the child predators are. They are incredibly good at blending in and seeming trust worthy. That is what makes them such good predators.
It would be incredibly hard to have experienced something like that and then be able to trust anyone with your children.
TW_Loss Mentioned
I've had two CPs and they both registered on a cheapo test even after I was bleeding.
edit for spelling pg brain.
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
TW Loss
My CP was even confirmed by a doctor. I had a positive home test before the loss and a barely positive blood test several days after. It's easily verifiable.
Some doctors will tell patients that, which I think is absurd. My friend's doctor told her she "probably has had several CPs" because she has irregular cycles (she had no symptoms nor did she even think she could be pregnant - she's had irregular cycles her whole life). What?! My friend then had the gall to tell me that after my losses. Thanks, but your hypothetical losses aren't the same.
TTC #1 since September 2015
*TW*
BFP #1: CP, April 2016
BFP #2: 10/5/16, MMC 11/3/16 at 7w5d (embryo stopped @ ~6 weeks), misoprostol 11/11/16 (EDD 6/16/17)
Dx: Luteal phase defect, uterine polyps, stage 2 endometriosis, low morphology
Uterine polyp removal (laparoscopy) 3/28/17
BFP #3: 6/19/17, MMC 7/11/17 at 6w3d, misoprostol 7/17/17 (EDD 3/1/18)
BFP #4: 8/25/17 EDD 5/4/18
ETA: On another note. I get that when the medical community refers to conception they are talking about when you ovulate and the egg is fertilized. But, to me...that doesn't sit right. To me, conception begins when the egg implants (and thus, turns a positive pregnancy test). So even if her egg was fertilized (which she would have NO IDEA one way or the other), she claims it never implanted....so no, you weren't pregnant. Interestingly enough, TW*abortion mentioned* the biggest pro life people out there(catholic church) has the official stance that "life" begins at implantation and therefore any morning after pill that prevents implantation is not an abortion. So...even the catholic church would tell that chick, sorry not pregnant. Take that for what you will.
BFP 10/2/13, EDD 6/3/14
Gave birth to my beautiful son, Owen Robert on 6/4/14!
BFP #2 8/28/15, EDD 5/5/16
TW sexual crimePTSD:
In my career I have worked with survivors of sexual crimes w/PTSD which happened to be by only male perps. It makes me really sad and mad to think a survivor may read that posting and interpret their personal feelings towards male caregivers/docs (e.g. persons in a "place of power") as sexist, shameful, etc. The poster did not give any thought or allowances to this instance. (For the record, I AM NOT SAYING ONLY MALES ARE PERPS OR THAT MALES SHOULD NOT BE CAREGIVERS.). I'm only saying please consider there may be other reasons for a discomfort other than sexism that should be respected.
As a law enforcement officer i work with sex offenders frequently. In my particular field it is child porn traffickers, producers, and those that entice children. It's amazing how most of these perpetrators appear to be the average person next door with a good career, family, and community member. I'm jaded bc of my knowledge but I'd encourage EVERYONE to become jaded to some extent. Sick people exist and it may be someone you trust the most (husband, brother, neighbor, teacher, coach, etc.). With that said it's soooo common to hear the family of victims share SOMETHING that made them say hmmm in hindsight but not act on it. TRUST YOUR GUT.
*TW* June intros had two (2!!!) people claiming CPs without positive tests.
The second one: "Last month I had a CP and was sure I was pregnant and really bummed when I wasn't because I was sure I was feeling symptoms. But this month I felt nothing at all and only took a test on a whim."
The second one after there had just been a discussion of it was what finally completely set me off. And, like someone else mentioned someone did to them, I didn't want this person telling a friend who has had a confirmed loss all about their imaginary one. To me, claiming a MC when you actually just don't get pregnant every cycle you try is like the grief version of stolen valor. It's offensive to people who have experienced actual loss and the assumption that of course you'd never have a TTC cycle that didn't result in pregnancy is offensive to the infertility community. Heck, I don't even know any IVFers who had failed transfers of blastocysts they've seen in pictures who call that a CP and they have far, far more right than the "I had typical post-ovulation symptoms" people.
And, sorry not to tag but I don't remember the SN, I would never think it or be stupid or rude enough to tell someone experiencing a loss that me losing my dog was like what they were going through. But, I will say that while MMC was terrible and I struggled plenty, I was an absolute disaster after the death of our dog (and how it happened and the fact that he was too young for that), far worse than after my MC. I think it was something like 3-4 months before I was able to sleep without alcohol or a sleep aid. He was one of those once in a lifetime dogs and we were together almost all the time (he came to work with me, too). That's not to say that it compares to losing an infant or a child at all. All I mean is that I hope people won't dismiss the grief of pet loss or ever tell someone it was "just a pet" or imply that their grief isn't valid because X is worse (not that that's what you were doing).
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Maybe a bit different to a CP, and also different to people who don't know that an embryo even was conceived.
However with infertility every month can feel like loss, some describe it in a different sense, and grief is common even without any pg or losses. It's different to losing a pg, but it's also an emotional loss. Some people of course don't see pg the same or have the same emotional connection.
I promised myself if these boards went south (aka April, June 18) I would be gone. So I'm very glad baby is due in May haha
I've never really used forums before so it's a first for me, and pregnancy forums too... what was I thinking?!
I had no birth plan last time, and just remembering my nurses giving a sigh of relief and saying that people who don't have birth plans are usually the most satisfied with their experiences. That being said, I can be super plan-centric in other areas of my life, so I totally get the need to have one, birthing details just isn't something I had strong opinions on.
And in terms of comparing babies to dogs... I thought this sounded absurd, and then I had a baby and was like, wow, this really isn't that different! Toddlers, way different. But a baby and a puppy? Getting up constantly in the night, dealing with their shit around the clock... I thought puppies were actually more difficult because they're so all over the place right from the start. And...
*TW loss mentioned
when a friend lost her son at two months, I talked to her about how it made me think of losing my dog, and she totally got it (dog owner as well). She started comparing it to the friend I had recently lost, and I told her that honestly, the loss that hit me hardest was my dog. Not because my dog was more important, but because he was a part of my every day life - losing my shadow felt more comparable to her loss than losing a good friend that I saw more on a weekly or monthly basis. I think reasonably intelligent people are able to get that you can make comparisons and learn from experiences that have certain parallels without literally believing you're saying two situations are exactly the same. Obviously the loss of a child is exponentially more devastating, but finding little similarities in other experiences as a method of connecting and relating to someone in grief isn't always as tone deaf as it might seem at first.
*End of TW
And as for my own UO - just want to say that on my last board, everyone was always just stating that they didn't like foods that most people like. Not liking a food isn't a UO! Also, people would always say that they didn't like pizza - which is a huge lie, because everybody likes pizza! Hope you ladies are better than that.