I was so excited to see this thread since I am very soon turning 30 and wanted to participate... and then I read it all (twice) and wow. Just wow...
first of all... @ladythrice you have nothing to apologize for. You were completely justified in starting this thread and clearly many women were just as excited to see it as I was. And all of the "old" comments were clearly made in jest. You even wrote just kidding.. how that can me misinterpreted I have no clue.
then @ivdr talked about the 35+ board being a place she was not comfortable and a bunch of people jumped down her throats assuming she was dissing the AMA board which she wasn't even talking about!
And since then a few more women expressed that they aren't comfortable participating in the AMA thread even though their age makes them eligible to do so, and they get attacked as well.
This is the second time I'm seeing a thread on this darn app where the people who are complaining LOUDLY and over and over about people being out of line are actually the ones doing all of the bullying. If someone is uncomfortable or nervous about being AMA they are entitled to that feeling. That does not mean they are bashing all the other moms who are or saying they are doomed. it is a shame that there is still such a fear around the concept of AMA and all the risks that have been attached to the name in the past but pregnancy is a scary time for most of us and it is NORMAL to worry.
There are a few of you on this thread who are clearly unhappy with it... so don't look at it anymore. No one is forcing you to. Why keep making yourself upset on purpose! We gotta relax during our pregnancies not seek out ways to raise our blood pressure! This is to celebrate women who are 30+ and give us a sense of belonging with women who are at a similar stage in their life.
Rant over. And for anyone who actually read through all that I'm sorry we can't have a glass of wine together now to relax!
@srprins1987 nope, sorry, me being offended and calling out the offending comments does not equal bullying. It's just doesn't. You may not like to see my comments, but nowhere did I bully.
What I find ironic is that everyone freaking out and saying there's nothing to be offended about aren't of the age being targeted. You don't get to say "omg relax! It's no big deal!" when the comments literally don't apply to you.
My point this entire thread has been this: please, watch your words. I understand many had no intention of offending, but repeated exclamations of AHHH I'M SO OLD! But not AMA old! That would freak me out LOL! absolutely gets under my skin and those of others. Just use a little common sense, yeah? Would I ever write "holy crap I'm so glad I'm not 30! Those kids have no clue what they're doing!" Of course not. Just extend the same courtesy. Your words have meaning.
This thread is ridiculous and horrifically offensive. You DON'T get to make fun of a group of people, then call them bullies when they tell you to knock it off. The whole reason this thread is failing is because people keep coming back and name calling AMA ladies. Do you all do this to other people too? I mean, why not blame POC for being upset and reacting when you call them the N word too? "Ha ha I was just kidding, don't be a bully!". No, you are being awful for no reason.
ETA: the worst part about all this shit is that the OP is a really classy lady, recognized that she had accidentally said something hurtful, and apologized for it. By roaring in here an making the thread about bashing AMA, you are ruining her thread. It's only a matter of time it gets shut down because of the complete lack of human empathy here.
@kmalls@ngolimento it is nice that you both don't think you are bullying anyone by consistently calling people out for their opinions on a clearly sensitive topic... they have opinions... and so do you. Yours are just louder and more aggressive. I on purpose didn't tag either of you in my previous post and instead just tried to defend the ladies who were being made out to feel like jerks or morons by you both. And seriously!?!? Comparing this situation to calling a POC the N word is outrageous and insensitive in itself. If you think being over 35 is the same as the oppression that so many POC have to face on a daily basis then you live in a different world than I do.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
@kmalls@ngolimento it is nice that you both don't think you are bullying anyone by consistently calling people out for their opinions on a clearly sensitive topic... they have opinions... and so do you. Yours are just louder and more aggressive. I on purpose didn't tag either of you in my previous post and instead just tried to defend the ladies who were being made out to feel like jerks or morons by you both. And seriously!?!? Comparing this situation to calling a POC the N word is outrageous and insensitive in itself. If you think being over 35 is the same as the oppression that so many POC have to face on a daily basis then you live in a different world than I do.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
I'm having a hard time understanding how name-calling and verbal abuse is improving any Community anywhere.
That time when Sheldon Cooper was more polite than I'd like to be....
There's no bullying here, so just LOL to that. What there is is a small group of people who have made ignorant comments about what AMA is, have been told so, and yet are refusing to believe that what they have said could possibly be insulting to someone. Guess what? You don't get to decide that your comments aren't offensive. That's not how life works.
And @TahoeAugust, it took me no time at all to find a gif to accurately reflect my thoughts, but thank you for your concern as to my time management. I'm good.
***March '18 October Siggy Challenge: Halloween Costume Fails***
@kmalls@ngolimento it is nice that you both don't think you are bullying anyone by consistently calling people out for their opinions on a clearly sensitive topic... they have opinions... and so do you. Yours are just louder and more aggressive. I on purpose didn't tag either of you in my previous post and instead just tried to defend the ladies who were being made out to feel like jerks or morons by you both. And seriously!?!? Comparing this situation to calling a POC the N word is outrageous and insensitive in itself. If you think being over 35 is the same as the oppression that so many POC have to face on a daily basis then you live in a different world than I do.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
Okay bye? I'll be sure to remember that that one random person that one time told me I'm not supportive if I don't let others make disparaging comments about me unchecked.
Nah.
***March '18 October Siggy Challenge: Halloween Costume Fails***
As a 33 yo FTM, this thread is super unhelpful to me. Just saying. I don't get the point.
ETA: for real, its mostly just 4 pages of people introducing themselves. If there's a structure to this that can separate it from other threads I'd love to know what it is. I've seen not one bit of helpful or even interesting information on here that I couldn't have found in another thread.
@kmalls@ngolimento it is nice that you both don't think you are bullying anyone by consistently calling people out for their opinions on a clearly sensitive topic... they have opinions... and so do you. Yours are just louder and more aggressive. I on purpose didn't tag either of you in my previous post and instead just tried to defend the ladies who were being made out to feel like jerks or morons by you both. And seriously!?!? Comparing this situation to calling a POC the N word is outrageous and insensitive in itself. If you think being over 35 is the same as the oppression that so many POC have to face on a daily basis then you live in a different world than I do.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
Ah! So now we're reverting to outdated, sexist insults. I feel like you should just go all the way, @srprins1987, and call me a "nasty woman." That one seems to have particular significance these days.
...but seriously, what do you suggest we do? Let offensive comments slide because it makes you uncomfortable when those comments are called out?
As a 33 yo FTM, this thread is super unhelpful to me. Just saying. I don't get the point.
ETA: for real, its mostly just 4 pages of people introducing themselves. If there's a structure to this that can separate it from other threads I'd love to know what it is. I've seen not one bit of helpful or even interesting information on here that I couldn't have found in another thread.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, we can make a grouping inclusive of both AMA and 30+ if that's what people want. AMA designation won't amount to much for a lot of people except being called geriatric once in a while and being offered some extra testing perhaps. If we want a grouping to discuss growing/starting families a little bit later in life, which may include issues surrounding careers and perhaps second families or other aspects of being an "older" mom, and that is something that interests those over 30, then cool, let's do it. I feel there is value to be had in those topics, if we can get past "ZOMG I'm sooooo. old but so happy I'm not AMA-old!"
***March '18 October Siggy Challenge: Halloween Costume Fails***
@kmalls@ngolimento it is nice that you both don't think you are bullying anyone by consistently calling people out for their opinions on a clearly sensitive topic... they have opinions... and so do you. Yours are just louder and more aggressive. I on purpose didn't tag either of you in my previous post and instead just tried to defend the ladies who were being made out to feel like jerks or morons by you both. And seriously!?!? Comparing this situation to calling a POC the N word is outrageous and insensitive in itself. If you think being over 35 is the same as the oppression that so many POC have to face on a daily basis then you live in a different world than I do.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
First, this is a message board so I don't know why you keep referring to people as "loud". This is text only so I don't know how anyone can be "louder" than anyone else.
No one called anyone a jerk or a moron. I'm sure no one meant to be offensive and that's why it's good for someone to point it out so everyone can be mindful of their words in the future.
Disagreeing with something someone said isn't being negative or being a bully. People don't have to let comments that upset them go by in the spirit of positivity. THAT would be outrageous and insensitive.
As a 33 yo FTM, this thread is super unhelpful to me. Just saying. I don't get the point.
ETA: for real, its mostly just 4 pages of people introducing themselves. If there's a structure to this that can separate it from other threads I'd love to know what it is. I've seen not one bit of helpful or even interesting information on here that I couldn't have found in another thread.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, we can make a grouping inclusive of both AMA and 30+ if that's what people want. AMA designation won't amount to much for a lot of people except being called geriatric once in a while and being offered some extra testing perhaps. If we want a grouping to discuss growing/starting families a little bit later in life, which may include issues surrounding careers and perhaps second families or other aspects of being an "older" mom, and that is something that interests those over 30, then cool, let's do it. I feel there is value to be had in those topics, if we can get past "ZOMG I'm sooooo. old but so happy I'm not AMA-old!"
I really like this idea! Instead of breaking it down into an "us vs them" environment, I think adding 30+ to the AMA thread could be really positive and helpful. I like focusing more on stage of life than age.
Here I was feeling young at 31! Most of my friends having kids are in their late 30s, but I'm in NYC so all the major life events tend to skew later here...
I'm 34 and am scheduled to have baby #4 one month before I turn 35, so THANK GOD I'm not OLD like those AMA ladies. Clearly I would have nothing in common with them.
So dumb. That being said, it totally does depend on where you live. I used to live in Houston proper as a new lawyer, and almost none of my friends had kids. Everyone was just out of law school. Then I moved ~25 miles to the suburbs and nearly all the moms I meet are in their 20s, many fresh out of college or with no college at all. Totally different community.
ETA: the second half of my comment that didn't post originally
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I know this is completely off topic, but I keep thinking about how both the nurse and the phlebotomist (sheesh, I had to look up the spelling) were like "whoops! Just felt like you had to squeeze one more in before you got any older, huh?" yesterday. I mean, I'm 30. It's totally normal to have kids way over 30 now. It's not like I crammed 3 kids into 3 years either - although if that's a choice a family makes, that should be okay too. I'll be 31 when Little Llama is born, and the other two were born when I was 25 and 27 (I think??) Maybe this should be a rant somewhere else. I was just a little taken aback by TWO professionals making a comment like that to me, varying only slightly. Thank goodness my OB is awesome. But yes, I am "squeezing one more in" I suppose. My last!
@Sissy42 I'm sorry but that is GARBAGE. Beyond rude and judgmental and I agree with @lucymaybe that is wildly unprofessional. I'm sorry you had to hear that!
I know this is completely off topic, but I keep thinking about how both the nurse and the phlebotomist (sheesh, I had to look up the spelling) were like "whoops! Just felt like you had to squeeze one more in before you got any older, huh?" yesterday. I mean, I'm 30. It's totally normal to have kids way over 30 now. It's not like I crammed 3 kids into 3 years either - although if that's a choice a family makes, that should be okay too. I'll be 31 when Little Llama is born, and the other two were born when I was 25 and 27 (I think??) Maybe this should be a rant somewhere else. I was just a little taken aback by TWO professionals making a comment like that to me, varying only slightly. Thank goodness my OB is awesome. But yes, I am "squeezing one more in" I suppose. My last!
Person on their third kid in three years, checking in!
@Sissy42 there's like a 90% chance I would have walked right out of the office if someone said that to me. What an awful comment for medical professionals to make!
@kmalls - you are a superwoman, lady! I hope we're cool because I didn't mean my comment to be disparaging. Truly. If you've got the guts and the ability to do it, all the diapers and all the sleeplessness all at once, I say rock on! My SIL is like that, and I'm insanely jealous of how smooth she is. Perhaps my thought process should have been "at least I'm not birthing a rhino"?? Then there's NO way I would have accidentally stepped on any toes... unless... maybe.... anyone? unusual rhino-esque ultrasound? I feel like I need a GIF here.
when i was in to see my doctor for a check-up at around 30 years old my doctor started asking me why i wasn't pregnant yet and giving me her opinions on why women are SUPPOSED to have children (and at the time, i was very much in the headspace that I would never want them).
I think she felt some sort of womanly obligation to remind me that i only had a certain amount of time to make the decision, but this was on a first-time visit to a new doctor so she has no idea what my plan is, my purpose is, or any background on my life.
Here I am a few years later and thrilled to be having my first, but I think we live in a culture that is still overwhelmingly saturated with the belief that women are supposed to have children because their bodies are designed to have them.
----- Handsome Man I Love: 36 / Me: 32 ****FTM!!! BFP: Aug 11, 2017 EDD: Apr 20, 2018 Fun Fact: Lumbar Discectomy Surgery April 2017
Re: 30+ year old moms?
@sjn00 Happy bday for yesterday
Hope you had a wonderful dayWhat I find ironic is that everyone freaking out and saying there's nothing to be offended about aren't of the age being targeted. You don't get to say "omg relax! It's no big deal!" when the comments literally don't apply to you.
My point this entire thread has been this: please, watch your words. I understand many had no intention of offending, but repeated exclamations of AHHH I'M SO OLD! But not AMA old! That would freak me out LOL! absolutely gets under my skin and those of others. Just use a little common sense, yeah? Would I ever write "holy crap I'm so glad I'm not 30! Those kids have no clue what they're doing!" Of course not. Just extend the same courtesy. Your words have meaning.
ETA: the worst part about all this shit is that the OP is a really classy lady, recognized that she had accidentally said something hurtful, and apologized for it. By roaring in here an making the thread about bashing AMA, you are ruining her thread. It's only a matter of time it gets shut down because of the complete lack of human empathy here.
on that note... I tried what to expect app last time and wouldn't participate in the threads because there was a lot of negativity and drama... tried this community this time around and loved it... but I'm not one to sit by and let people be bashed without saying something so I guess that makes me a bad candidate for these things... I'm out!
best of luck to EVERYONE on their pregnancies and I hope the people who truly want and need this community find people on here who will be supportive of the process
That time when Sheldon Cooper was more polite than I'd like to be....
There's no bullying here, so just LOL to that. What there is is a small group of people who have made ignorant comments about what AMA is, have been told so, and yet are refusing to believe that what they have said could possibly be insulting to someone. Guess what? You don't get to decide that your comments aren't offensive. That's not how life works.
And @TahoeAugust, it took me no time at all to find a gif to accurately reflect my thoughts, but thank you for your concern as to my time management. I'm good.
Nah.
ETA: for real, its mostly just 4 pages of people introducing themselves. If there's a structure to this that can separate it from other threads I'd love to know what it is. I've seen not one bit of helpful or even interesting information on here that I couldn't have found in another thread.
...but seriously, what do you suggest we do? Let offensive comments slide because it makes you uncomfortable when those comments are called out?
No one called anyone a jerk or a moron. I'm sure no one meant to be offensive and that's why it's good for someone to point it out so everyone can be mindful of their words in the future.
Disagreeing with something someone said isn't being negative or being a bully. People don't have to let comments that upset them go by in the spirit of positivity. THAT would be outrageous and insensitive.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
So dumb. That being said, it totally does depend on where you live. I used to live in Houston proper as a new lawyer, and almost none of my friends had kids. Everyone was just out of law school. Then I moved ~25 miles to the suburbs and nearly all the moms I meet are in their 20s, many fresh out of college or with no college at all. Totally different community.
ETA: the second half of my comment that didn't post originally
But yes, I am "squeezing one more in" I suppose. My last!
@Sissy42 there's like a 90% chance I would have walked right out of the office if someone said that to me. What an awful comment for medical professionals to make!
I hope we're cool because I didn't mean my comment to be disparaging. Truly. If you've got the guts and the ability to do it, all the diapers and all the sleeplessness all at once, I say rock on! My SIL is like that, and I'm insanely jealous of how smooth she is.
Perhaps my thought process should have been "at least I'm not birthing a rhino"?? Then there's NO way I would have accidentally stepped on any toes... unless... maybe.... anyone? unusual rhino-esque ultrasound?
I feel like I need a GIF here.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
I think she felt some sort of womanly obligation to remind me that i only had a certain amount of time to make the decision, but this was on a first-time visit to a new doctor so she has no idea what my plan is, my purpose is, or any background on my life.
Here I am a few years later and thrilled to be having my first, but I think we live in a culture that is still overwhelmingly saturated with the belief that women are supposed to have children because their bodies are designed to have them.
Handsome Man I Love: 36 / Me: 32 ****FTM!!!
BFP: Aug 11, 2017
EDD: Apr 20, 2018
Fun Fact: Lumbar Discectomy Surgery April 2017
EBF, BLW, BW, CD, Waterbirth, Calm Birth, Homebirth, FC, GI Awareness, Informed Choice
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DS 3y Generation Intact
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