And i didn't mean to offend anyone....its my opinion and therefore, just like all opinions, only relevant to myself. I am very much a traditional roles type person. Totally politically incorrect these days and not at all the way 99% of people choose to live. I know this. And i dont care. You do you and i do me. And I dont judge other mums about it, cause I dont live their lives. I have even been a mother who worked while having small children because I had to....like many of you, my income kept food on our table.
But my post did have other intentions....how flame free is this really? How accepting of other people's views are we actually being? I watched earlier this week as a FTM put up a post that greatly affected her emotions. She mistakingly put it in the wrong place....I was uncomfortable with where she said what she said....but then that girl had to endure 2 days worth of what i found to be abusive and confrontational bullying. She came to a place she thought was safe to admit something that she probably found too difficult to admit anywhere else. And she got pounded. I found THIS more offensive than her earlier posting of a highly sensitive subject.
@MississippiCatfish I had to go back to make sure @NYTino24 didn't forget the disclaimer this week, though 20 weeks in I think we know the 'rules by now.
What a fairytale world it would be if I could be a stay at home mom for the first 6 years. Then when LO goes to school I'll only be a nurse for those few hours and I won't fall behind in the medical world in those 6 years. Think of all the Pinterest projects I will kick ass on.
@c+mpeachey That was probably the most close minded and insensitive thing I have ever read directed at a group of moms.
I could not stay home with my first child as I was a single parent and we had to live. This implies that I must love my toddler and unborn child more because I can stay home now and be their mother.
I dont think mums of kids under school age should work out of home. You decided to have a baby. You decided to be a mother. Be a mother. You can be a corporate something or other in 6 years when they are at school.
My kid really loves when I pay my mortgage.
~Mom to an amazing Jan 2011 boy~ ~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
@c+mpeachy You saw this when you posted and admitted you knew you'd get flamed. c+mpeachey said:
Flame Free...right?
And i didn't mean to offend anyone....its my opinion and therefore, just like all opinions, only relevant to myself. I am very much a traditional roles type person. Totally politically incorrect these days and not at all the way 99% of people choose to live. I know this. And i dont care. You do you and i do me. And I dont judge other mums about it, cause I dont live their lives. I have even been a motherwho worked while having small children because I had to....like many of you, my income kept food on our table.
But my post did have other intentions....how flame free is this really? How accepting of other people's views are we actually being? I watched earlier this week as a FTM put up a post that greatly affected her emotions. She mistakingly put it in the wrong place....I was uncomfortable with where she said what she said....but then that girl had to endure 2 days worth of what i found to be abusive and confrontational bullying. She came to a place she thought was safe to admit something that she probably found too difficult to admit anywhere else. And she got pounded. I found THIS more offensive than her earlier posting of a highly sensitive subject.
So here's the thing @c+mpeachy... I'm pretty surprised that you've chosen this route because I haven't had anything but positive interactions with you before. It's obvious your intentions were to offend others and you definitely did that. But, just like my comments and others' to Foxairt, you are allowed your opinion as it follows the TOU just as mine did. To call it bullying is extremely far fetched.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
I totally agree with the naked kid thing! Although I could care less if your kid is running around your house naked I am weird about it with pictures and such. I admit I have a few of my daughter in the tub but I would never post them anywhere, I have only sent them to my mom. I also don't care if your kid is outside in a diaper as if it's hot it is hot but it's different because you're at your house and etc.
And i am happy to continue having positive interactions with you all. The thing is....i put out there my FFC....and got jumped on. I didnt actually do it to upset anyone. And it originally had very little to do with last weeks thing with foxairt...but the replies she got were not kind. And all the replies I am now getting....wow. I some how unintentionally became a "troll"? How? And I am finding myself trying to defend my position. I wont do so any further cause i shouldnt have to. None of us should. This is an opinion/confession type post.
So much about this is wrong. Not only from the standpoint of "I need this job to put food on the table" but also from the standpoint of "I am a valuable human being with many facets to my life and personality"
To be completely honest with you @c+mpeachey I don't need my job to put food on the table. I'm not in it for the money. In fact, I could choose to stay home any time I wish, but I would rather work. *GASP* I love my children and I love being with them. But I also love working and being a professional and being valued in my field. I've worked hard to be where I am and staying home isn't for me. It would be worse for my kids and it would be worse for me. I am a good mom because I do go to work and send my kids to their awesome teachers and day care providers. And my kids think their mom is a superhero.
@c+mpeachy This is the last I have to say on the topic. 1) We all post opinions knowing we are opening ourselves up to criticism and 2) I always ask myself if I would say in real life / in person what I write online. If you walked into a room of mothers in real life and knew many of them were working moms, would you say this to them? And if you did, would you expect them to react any different than we have? People here have been very nice and respectful while saying they disagree with you.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
And i am happy to continue having positive interactions with you all. The thing is....i put out there my FFC....and got jumped on. I didnt actually do it to upset anyone. And it originally had very little to do with last weeks thing with foxairt...but the replies she got were not kind. And all the replies I am now getting....wow. I some how unintentionally became a "troll"? How? And I am finding myself trying to defend my position. I wont do so any further cause i shouldnt have to. None of us should. This is an opinion/confession type post.
You said women who work weren't mothers. Or that we're shitty ones. We can't defend ourselves?
And i am happy to continue having positive interactions with you all. The thing is....i put out there my FFC....and got jumped on. I didnt actually do it to upset anyone. And it originally had very little to do with last weeks thing with foxairt...but the replies she got were not kind. And all the replies I am now getting....wow. I some how unintentionally became a "troll"? How? And I am finding myself trying to defend my position. I wont do so any further cause i shouldnt have to. None of us should. This is an opinion/confession type post.
You were defended in terms of being a troll. We've seen your username and interacted with you. You're not a total stranger.
Yes, this is FFFC. No, it's not actually meant to be flame free. You are also, like everyone else on the planet, entitled to your opinion. My issue, like many other women on this board, is that the way it was stated is highly offensive. Frankly, I'm not one to get really offended over things, but your comment rubbed me the wrong way. It implied that you can't still be a good mom while working, which is completelly false. Mom guilt is real enough as it is without telling someone how shitty of a mom they are because their kid goes to daycare/a baby sitter/grandmas house/etc.
Its great that you value being a SAHM. I'm glad for you, because I'm not sure if I could do it. But I am 100% positive that I am not any less of a mother because I work.
And i am happy to continue having positive interactions with you all. The thing is....i put out there my FFC....and got jumped on. I didnt actually do it to upset anyone. And it originally had very little to do with last weeks thing with foxairt...but the replies she got were not kind. And all the replies I am now getting....wow. I some how unintentionally became a "troll"? How? And I am finding myself trying to defend my position. I wont do so any further cause i shouldnt have to. None of us should. This is an opinion/confession type post.
No one has attacked you for choosing to be a SAHM, despite the fact that your comment attacked the majority of the women here.
And then you tried to claim Vigilante Status by dragging foxairt into it.
I am not going to flame, but I do want to point out that there is value in a child going to daycare/grandma's/babysitter while mom and Dad are at work. They learn social skills and how to interact with and respect both other children and other adults. They get a change of scenery and have experiences that they wouldn't necessarily have at home. I for one don't believe that one way is "better"--I have respect for both working parents and SAH parents. I also think it's important to stop and think--if you look down on working moms, what about working dads? Why the double standard? Both parents choose to have a baby, so why is mom the default parent that gets the guilt trip for not staying home?
I was a single mom with my first child and of course, I had to work. I still work outside of the home, but I am able to bring my babies to work with me (a policy they created when I was pregnant with DD2 because my boss is absolutely amazing). I am a proud working mother, but I have a tremendous amount of guilt that I was able to spend so much time with DD2 and eventually baby #3, and I wasn't able to with DD1 when she was an infant/toddler.
I'm not trying to jump on you, @c+mpeachey but I just want you to understand how hurtful your comment was. I am dealing with my own issues surrounding it, as I'm sure many other moms may be as well, so it's really important for us to be supportive of each other. This is kinda one of those topics that should be off limits.
On a different note. My second FFFC of the day is that as terrible and self conceited as this sounds, sometime I'm jealous of my husband because I'm so good to him. It just seems like sometimes he does not show he appreciates me the same way I show him and that's frustrating.
@bcashaw have you heard of the love languages? Some guys are just bad at that and also show things differently. Also... men are...men... and they suck at this stuff. I totally sympathize with you, though!
ive got another FFFC. I can't stand when DH keeps any kiddo out past bedtime. He kept SD out really late tonight and it is now 11pm and she's still not in bed. If she wake up early and cranky (which she always does when she misses bedtime...couldn't tell you why), I'm going to poke his eyeballs out. ...figuratively of course.
@kwaldy yesm he and I watched a whole thing about love language and then I worked really hard to figure out his and he didn't work hard to figure out mine. So he always feels appreciated and I never do.
Also I can't stand that either OR when they mess up bedtime routine. He ALWAYS just puts the toddler in bed with her bottle and I work very hard to give her a bottle before brushing her teeth so he just screws it all up. The list of reasons why he is the favourite is so long because he just disregards the boundaries.
I am so behind today and don't even know where to start with this so I don't think I will. You ladies seem to have it covered and I would only be repeating what has been said already. Though I have to admit this is the first time on this board I have found myself exceptionally uncomfortable, offended and hurt.
About belly pics and pics on social media. I had a very serious convo with my family this week as I had been taking naked belly pics for me only to show the changes. Since my family lives far away I shared them with my mom and grandma. They ended up on fb. I was livid. I told them no fb pics of me or baby, period. I sent a few AS scan photos today and very clearly stated no fb. I will be a mama bear about this and I won't apologize. If I choose to post a pic, that's my choice but not up to anyone else. And definitely no naked pics. Nope.
Here's the thing @c+mpeachey you can't claim "no judgement" when you KNOW you phrased your opinion in the most judgemental way you could have. You said something in a really rude way that hurt a lot of the women in here who have had so many positive and supportive conversations with you before that I would think the appropriate response after realizing "hey I've been talking to all of you for months and I just seriously hurt you" would be "I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said that." Not everyone has the luxury of staying at home and fully embracing the traditional roles even if they want to. You and I are SO LUCKY we do but that luck does not give us the right to speak in hurtful ways about mothers who can't live the way we do or simply don't want to because it wouldn't be healthy for them. This is a really cool group, and these are really great women, and we should all be supportive of each other even if we can't or don't want to make the same choices.
@ugoglencoco I got the letter once for a capital murder trial and had to fill out like a 20 page packet about whether or not I knew anyone or anything associated with the case and my feelings on the death penalty etc.... then I sat in the court room with hundreds of people for a few hours for the judge to come out and say they made a plea deal.
I get called every six months at least which makes me angry because it's supposed to be random. I know they need diversity but I can't be the only minority in the area! I got out of it once because of college a second time because I'd just graduated and didn't know where I'd be living, and a third time because it was grand jury and I told the judge I could not handle rape cases or child abuse cases, which was the absolute truth, and he was very understanding. In between those time of actually having to report, jury duty summons every six months.
Also, I spoke with a lawyer about this once and I know it's my civic duty and all but it's scary AF to have a jury of my peers. My peers don't know anything about law! And then that whole thing with the lady cop getting off being sentenced because the jury was hungry or something. I don't feel that bad saying this because the lawyer totally agreed it's weird we have this system.
But, full respect for those who do want to serve. Good for you for not being like the rest of us
@ugoglencoco I got the letter once for a capital murder trial and had to fill out like a 20 page packet about whether or not I knew anyone or anything associated with the case and my feelings on the death penalty etc.... then I sat in the court room with hundreds of people for a few hours for the judge to come out and say they made a plea deal.
@ugoglencoco I've always wanted to do it too! But I've never been summoned. It's probably for the best though because I'm sure being on an actual jury wouldn't be as entertaining as court room shows make it out to be
I think actually being on a jury would be cool to experience at least once. I am more annoyed because the court house is downtown and parking is a hassle.
I'm only hitting the beginning and the end of this mess because to do anything else would be to restate what everyone else has made clear.
My kid is constantly naked, but we have a yard with a privacy fence so no one can see him and any photos are either heavily edited or only shared with DH and grandparents.
My belly is way too pale to take bump pics of without a shirt, but I do have one really awesome mirror selfie I snapped last pregnancy at 30 weeks, the lighting was super low and the picture came out awesome. Because the low lighting concealed my pasty skin, stretch marks, and cellulite. If you squint I almost looked tan lol
I've only been called for jury duty once and it was when DS was a tiny infant so I got excused but I'd like to see what it's like at least once.
@c+mpeachey Nice woe is me response when you're the actual worst. I have to admit, I doubt any interaction we (specifically you and me) have will be positive from here on out because I'll always be thinking about your judgement on how I choose to live my life.
@ugoglencoco I also like jury duty. Ever since seeing 12 Angry Men, I've wanted to be a part of a big trial. I was SO CLOSE to being put on a 3+ week medical malpractice jury and I wanted it so badly.
Re: FFFC 6/23/17
And my eldest is autistic.....and I still totally believe in immunization! People who say the two are related make me sick.
What a fairytale world it would be if I could be a stay at home mom for the first 6 years. Then when LO goes to school I'll only be a nurse for those few hours and I won't fall behind in the medical world in those 6 years. Think of all the Pinterest projects I will kick ass on.
I could not stay home with my first child as I was a single parent and we had to live. This implies that I must love my toddler and unborn child more because I can stay home now and be their mother.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Family Blog - http://onnawannadeal.blogspot.com/
To be completely honest with you @c+mpeachey I don't need my job to put food on the table. I'm not in it for the money. In fact, I could choose to stay home any time I wish, but I would rather work. *GASP* I love my children and I love being with them. But I also love working and being a professional and being valued in my field. I've worked hard to be where I am and staying home isn't for me. It would be worse for my kids and it would be worse for me. I am a good mom because I do go to work and send my kids to their awesome teachers and day care providers. And my kids think their mom is a superhero.
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Yes, this is FFFC. No, it's not actually meant to be flame free. You are also, like everyone else on the planet, entitled to your opinion.
My issue, like many other women on this board, is that the way it was stated is highly offensive. Frankly, I'm not one to get really offended over things, but your comment rubbed me the wrong way. It implied that you can't still be a good mom while working, which is completelly false. Mom guilt is real enough as it is without telling someone how shitty of a mom they are because their kid goes to daycare/a baby sitter/grandmas house/etc.
Its great that you value being a SAHM. I'm glad for you, because I'm not sure if I could do it. But I am 100% positive that I am not any less of a mother because I work.
And then you tried to claim Vigilante Status by dragging foxairt into it.
I'm not trying to jump on you, @c+mpeachey but I just want you to understand how hurtful your comment was. I am dealing with my own issues surrounding it, as I'm sure many other moms may be as well, so it's really important for us to be supportive of each other. This is kinda one of those topics that should be off limits.
On a different note. My second FFFC of the day is that as terrible and self conceited as this sounds, sometime I'm jealous of my husband because I'm so good to him. It just seems like sometimes he does not show he appreciates me the same way I show him and that's frustrating.
ive got another FFFC. I can't stand when DH keeps any kiddo out past bedtime. He kept SD out really late tonight and it is now 11pm and she's still not in bed. If she wake up early and cranky (which she always does when she misses bedtime...couldn't tell you why), I'm going to poke his eyeballs out. ...figuratively of course.
Also I can't stand that either OR when they mess up bedtime routine. He ALWAYS just puts the toddler in bed with her bottle and I work very hard to give her a bottle before brushing her teeth so he just screws it all up. The list of reasons why he is the favourite is so long because he just disregards the boundaries.
About belly pics and pics on social media. I had a very serious convo with my family this week as I had been taking naked belly pics for me only to show the changes. Since my family lives far away I shared them with my mom and grandma. They ended up on fb. I was livid. I told them no fb pics of me or baby, period. I sent a few AS scan photos today and very clearly stated no fb. I will be a mama bear about this and I won't apologize. If I choose to post a pic, that's my choice but not up to anyone else. And definitely no naked pics. Nope.
I love jury duty. I wish I could go more. I always get my hopes up that they will pick me for a jury and they never do. Someday...
Also, I spoke with a lawyer about this once and I know it's my civic duty and all but it's scary AF to have a jury of my peers. My peers don't know anything about law! And then that whole thing with the lady cop getting off being sentenced because the jury was hungry or something. I don't feel that bad saying this because the lawyer totally agreed it's weird we have this system.
But, full respect for those who do want to serve. Good for you for not being like the rest of us
@am+mommy Oh that's infuriating.
ETA: And @DuchessOfCambridge is probably right. I would most likely come out of there with no hope left for humanity.
:::clears throat:::
I'm only hitting the beginning and the end of this mess because to do anything else would be to restate what everyone else has made clear.
My kid is constantly naked, but we have a yard with a privacy fence so no one can see him and any photos are either heavily edited or only shared with DH and grandparents.
My belly is way too pale to take bump pics of without a shirt, but I do have one really awesome mirror selfie I snapped last pregnancy at 30 weeks, the lighting was super low and the picture came out awesome. Because the low lighting concealed my pasty skin, stretch marks, and cellulite. If you squint I almost looked tan lol
I've only been called for jury duty once and it was when DS was a tiny infant so I got excused but I'd like to see what it's like at least once.
@ugoglencoco I also like jury duty. Ever since seeing 12 Angry Men, I've wanted to be a part of a big trial. I was SO CLOSE to being put on a 3+ week medical malpractice jury and I wanted it so badly.