@jess0211 +1 to this. DH and I were very open with family and told them do not post pictures of DD1 on FB or other social media. We worked very hard to make sure this message was clear before she was even born. However my husband sent a picture of her laying my chest immediately after she was born to our parents only. He didn't realize you could see my legs and that they were suturing me. Nothing graphic but still a piece that should have been cropped. That photo along with others were posted to FB by my MIL. We were furious and DH talked with her again. I don't know what was said but she asks every time before she posts any pictures, even 4 years later.
it wasn't only the picture it was also that we hadn't announced her birth. This time we aren't sending photos until we are in a mother and baby room and family will wait longer before visiting.
I'm just going to stay away from other FFFCs today and just let you all know that I don't like chocolate chip or mint chocolate chip ice cream, at all! There. I said it.
I'm just going to stay away from other FFFCs today and just let you all know that I don't like chocolate chip or mint chocolate chip ice cream, at all! There. I said it.
@bcashaw I got picked to do a jury last year. I started to get into the case (another guy assaulted man while on drugs during the super bowl-mostly punching him), but then the prosecutor referenceded a previous charge/case and the judge declared mis-trial. It was about 1 hour into the trial. Very anti-climatic.
@cmessamore do you mean regular chocolate chip or chocolate chip cookie dough? If it's the first, that's OK. If it's cookie dough....we are going to have a problem....
I just don't really like ice cream that much. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have a cone here and there once in a while but I don't like it on other desserts like warm brownies and I don't buy it for myself because then it just sits in the freezer for months untouched.
Wow, I can't believe I missed all the excitement. I normally stay away from flaming anyone and leaving it to the professionals, but I will add my two cents. First, in my line of work, it's ever changing. If I were to stay home with my son for 6 years, I'd never be able to get back into my field without having to start at the bottom rung. I've worked way too hard the past 10 years to get myself to the level I am at now. Second, I am very pro daycare. We actually just switched my sons daycare because of the structure the new daycare provides. My son learns from staff that have educational backgrounds. They have a structured day and teach the children the skills necessary to reach their milestones. Sure, we practice colors, numbers, shapes, sounds, etc at home. But daycare lays down a solid foundation for my sons acceptance into the charter school we plan to enroll him in. This daycare is affiliated with the charter school. I feel that daycares prepare our children for their school years. AND, if you feel so strongly against children being placed in daycare, why are you placing your child/ren in school? Isn't it your duty as a mum to then home school your child/ren?
I've only been called to jury duty once. I was very excited but wasn't a chosen juror. I would LOVE to sit on a jury! My dream job when I was younger was to become a prosecuting attorney. I love to watch crime shows.
So, I want to say that I appreciate the responses that others have voiced in response to @c+mpeachey and considered not responding at all since you ladies have done a good job and have since changing the topic. However, it's hard for me to not chime in in support of ALL women who make difficult choices that result in them either deciding to stay at home or to work.
I run an animal research lab as part of my job as a professor, as such I am vilified by some animal welfare activists. Interestingly, my DH is a vegetarian for animal welfare reasons. What I do, and why I do it, is a story for a different time. I bring this up to note that two people with differing views on what can be a heated topic can not only get along in a shared space, but actually also really care for each other. This isn't always simple, but it comes down to respecting other people's views even when you might not agree with them. Things are not often clear-cut - especially opinions, which are what is shared in the FFFC. So if you state something so bold such as "You decided to have a baby. You decided to be a mother. Be a mother" implying that people who work are not in fact mothers - of course you can anticipate having to be prepared to defend your position! In almost no venue can you just state an opinion and then leave it there/walk away, particularly when the view is in contrast to a majority of people's manner of living. I never got the impression that this thread was any different.
To go on to say, "And i didn't mean to offend anyone...." "And I dont judge other mums about it" There's really no way that anyone will believe this - your initial post was not tempered in a way to imply that you were non-judgmental, so it's natural for people to be offended when they don't fit neatly into your mold.
As a working "corporate" type person who is a FTM, I very naturally was upset by this post. I have a PhD, completed a post-doc position, and have been working in my current position for 5 years and just achieved tenure. I note these things to say that I've delayed having children during those periods because I did realize that I was working too much for me to carry on with a child and not make huge sacrifices. But I'm now at a good time in my life, and I do plan to go back to work - right after birth in fact, because I'm in a specialized teaching position that others cannot fill. This also means that if I left said position for 1, 2, 6 years, it would no longer be there for me upon return. Despite working, I plan to still very much be a mother.
Finally. As a professor I have had the privilege of working with all of your children at a time in their lives when they are on their own for the first time, vulnerable, growing, and learning so much. I can imagine that this is a terrifying time for parents. Among more mundane assistance, I have helped students achieve exceptional life prospects at times when I've been able to see other much more terrifying paths they could've gone down. I have had parents come thank me at graduation with a look in their eye of a shared understanding that they fully realize this. It's heartbreaking yet heartwarming and particularly so because I would want nothing less for my own children so I do my best for other people's children. For me, I value the work that I do and believe that I can feasibly balance between a career and home life. I personally don't think that my time will be best spent at home with my child 24/7 when I have others around to assist. I can see why being a SAHM can be a perfect, an okay, or even difficult choice for some to make. However, there are also so many valid reasons for mothers to work - I have mine, and many have already been voiced.So many factors go into these decisions that it's quite astonishing to me really that someone could have such a cut-and-dry opinion, and I think that's why so many have come out in solidarity.
@cwalker042 ITA with your thoughts on daycare. I was able to work on a lot of the basic academic skills with my DD2 but there is a structure and classroom setting in her day care that I just can't replicate. Her speech has vastly improved since she started day care a few months ago and she is much better able to converse in full sentences than before.
Another vote for ice cream. In fact when I am having a bad day DH always asks if he can get me ice cream because he thinks that will cheer me up. @08-16-08jms an ice cream themed party sounds wonderful.
As someone in a very similar position having delayed having children to finish a master's degree, build my career to become a CEO and work hard to establish myself....I am finally at a point where I know I can achieve more of a balance. Women like us get enough shit in the work place at times when dealing with sexism, unfair expectations and often being the minority of our fields in terms of gender balance. We don't need fellow women and fellow mothers to try to demean our worth or claim we are any less of a mother for having a profession and life outside of raising children.
Even sleeping on it and thinking more on this topic, the original post just pisses me off so much more. Many of the best parents I know have maintained their careers, personal interests and relationships while raising children. Honestly, some of the more stressed out and overbearing parents I know are the ones who give up everything to focus only on their children.
Life needs some kind of balance...and we are all multifaceted human beings. Don't lose yourself when you have a child. It isn't healthy for you personally or the child, and one day, your children will grow up and leave. You don't want to have lost your sense of self along the way.
@dragonfly87-2 honestly, for whatever reason, i think @c+mpeachey just wanted to get a rise out of everyone. I can't really think of any other reason she'd go along having perfectly normal interactions with everyone and then drop something as unarguably insensitive as this. She got her rise, offended us all (SAHM and working moms alike), so I hope she's pleased with herself because that's what her goal seemed to be.
All the moms on this board, working or staying at home, are pretty wonderful mothers for taking care of our children in the way that works best for our families.
@DuchessOfCambridge That's probably true...but then to come back and try to defend and try to play victim is what really took it overboard for me. The statement was bad enough...but then to say that we are being bullies and not allowing other opinions made me think she really does believe that. Which I guess is her right, but a shitty thing to say out loud. Comments like hers are why parents tell their children, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
@dragonfly87-2 yeah the playing victim was absurd but what she was saying didnt really make any sense so I think she was just trying to further "poke the bear" so to speak. She's had her bit of fun so hope she's happy!
I actually kind of loled at her "I'm just sharing my opinion" defense. I too have opinions that could cause issues on this board and potentially hurt feelings (as Im sure we all do because we are all different) butttt I actually care about others so I choose to not say things that could be hurtful. Freedom of internet speech is not without consequence!
ETA: you have every right to be upset, just pointing out that was probably her goal is all. I loved your responses, they were on point.
As someone in a very similar position having delayed having children to finish a master's degree, build my career to become a CEO and work hard to establish myself....I am finally at a point where I know I can achieve more of a balance. Women like us get enough shit in the work place at times when dealing with sexism, unfair expectations and often being the minority of our fields in terms of gender balance. We don't need fellow women and fellow mothers to try to demean our worth or claim we are any less of a mother for having a profession and life outside of raising children.
Even sleeping on it and thinking more on this topic, the original post just pisses me off so much more. Many of the best parents I know have maintained their careers, personal interests and relationships while raising children. Honestly, some of the more stressed out and overbearing parents I know are the ones who give up everything to focus only on their children.
Life needs some kind of balance...and we are all multifaceted human beings. Don't lose yourself when you have a child. It isn't healthy for you personally or the child, and one day, your children will grow up and leave. You don't want to have lost your sense of self along the way.
Yes, yes, yes!!! All of this! I ♡ you right now @dragonfly87-2. All night I thought about this and I got more and more upset and you just perfectly articulated my thoughts.
I have a hard time with the abbreviations. I don't call anyone dear this or dear that in real life, so it feels awkward to use that abbreviation online. I get that it's part of the culture in many online forums, but it's a part that I feel disconnected from. Can't call him BF anymore now that he's husband (which is also weird and awkward at first!)
And to join the chorus, wow. I may not return to work, and I recognize that if I'm able to be a SAHM it's only because of immense privilege, and also some sacrifice. DH (there, I did it!) can keep us afloat, but we'll be a family of 4 in a one bedroom apartment. BTW, I grew up with a working mom and a SAHD. She made more money than he did, so that's how it went.
@bklynchica You could pretend DH means any of the following: -Damn Husband -Darn Husband -Darling Husband -Dashingly Handsome -Dapper Husband -Delightful Husband -Daring Husband
Lol....so many things. I just use DH because I am too lazy to type out husband, I find that word in general odd and putting "H" seems weird too.
@bklynchica you could always go with SO (significant other). Honestly the dear thing wigged me out a bit but now I find myself referring to him as DH when talking to my friends accidentally or when telling a long ass story about him. It's only day one for you, you'll get used to it!
@bcashaw I was bumping the other day when a friend alerted me to a FB for sale post on something I had been looking for. I switched over to FB and quickly commented as not to lose the "deal!" I actually commented that I needed to speak with my "DH!" It was hours later before I realized what I had done and that I had either made NO sense to the lady or given away my secret identity as an online forum participant! Lol
@dragonfly87-2 I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, but if someone would go ahead and make cookie dough ice cream without chocolate chips, I'd love that even more!
In regards to the post by peachy, I think it's too stupid to even take time crafting my response. And to not apologize when she offended everyone. Well, I'm just thankful she showed her true colors so now we all know how she is.
@maegpie I would be so mad!!! My mil sent all of our text updates to my bil and then he showed up right after birth when baby was in nicu and I was getting stitched up. So upset. To avoid the facebook thing, someone recommended this to me and I loved it. A few weeks before babyos born, change your Facebook settings to "approve before others can post to my wall." That way it doesn't matter if someone says congratulations or posts a picture, nothing is announced on your wall before you're ready.
@dragonfly87-2 I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, but if someone would go ahead and make cookie dough ice cream without chocolate chips, I'd love that even more!
@angkay711I Love the Iowa state fair! I go every year but I'm not really looking forward to being so pregnant at it this year
This will be my third time being pregnant at the fair. Other than the heat, I love it! My shame meter regarding naughty foods goes way down when I'm pregnant;) allllllll the mini donuts!
@mparm91 and @MississippiCatfish I haven't gone in several years as I live in Colorado but we are going back because my brother's family will be there as well. Im hoping it is not too hot. I am looking forward to all the food! We will have to share all the delicious food we find to eat
@c+mpeachey you're probably not reading responses anymore because you don't care about how you've offended people. But I refuse to sit at home, live off of the government, and throw away any career I've built just to satisfy some stereotype that women are incapable of multitasking. I am an amazing mother with tremendous mom guilt, but I have also proven to my son that women are worth more than sitting at home living off of someone else's money if that's what they choose. I've also proven to him that women are strong and capable enough to overcome adversity, get out of a bad relationship, and protect her family because I was able to provide for him and myself after becoming a single mother. You or anyone with a similar narrow minded view can't take that away from me. I'm a f@ck!ng supermom who has been able to better myself and my children BECAUSE I work, so please sit back down and stfu. Working moms or SAHM moms, we all teach our kids values in life. Please consider those that you are teaching yours.
I've never had jury duty. I think it would cause me a great deal of anxiety to try to determine someone else's fate.
I love ice cream. All ice cream. I'm pretty sure this baby girl loves it too.
Re: FFFC 6/23/17
it wasn't only the picture it was also that we hadn't announced her birth. This time we aren't sending photos until we are in a mother and baby room and family will wait longer before visiting.
I've only been called to jury duty once. I was very excited but wasn't a chosen juror. I would LOVE to sit on a jury! My dream job when I was younger was to become a prosecuting attorney. I love to watch crime shows.
I run an animal research lab as part of my job as a professor, as such I am vilified by some animal welfare activists. Interestingly, my DH is a vegetarian for animal welfare reasons. What I do, and why I do it, is a story for a different time. I bring this up to note that two people with differing views on what can be a heated topic can not only get along in a shared space, but actually also really care for each other. This isn't always simple, but it comes down to respecting other people's views even when you might not agree with them. Things are not often clear-cut - especially opinions, which are what is shared in the FFFC. So if you state something so bold such as "You decided to have a baby. You decided to be a mother. Be a mother" implying that people who work are not in fact mothers - of course you can anticipate having to be prepared to defend your position! In almost no venue can you just state an opinion and then leave it there/walk away, particularly when the view is in contrast to a majority of people's manner of living. I never got the impression that this thread was any different.
To go on to say, "And i didn't mean to offend anyone...." "And I dont judge other mums about it" There's really no way that anyone will believe this - your initial post was not tempered in a way to imply that you were non-judgmental, so it's natural for people to be offended when they don't fit neatly into your mold.
As a working "corporate" type person who is a FTM, I very naturally was upset by this post. I have a PhD, completed a post-doc position, and have been working in my current position for 5 years and just achieved tenure. I note these things to say that I've delayed having children during those periods because I did realize that I was working too much for me to carry on with a child and not make huge sacrifices. But I'm now at a good time in my life, and I do plan to go back to work - right after birth in fact, because I'm in a specialized teaching position that others cannot fill. This also means that if I left said position for 1, 2, 6 years, it would no longer be there for me upon return. Despite working, I plan to still very much be a mother.
Finally. As a professor I have had the privilege of working with all of your children at a time in their lives when they are on their own for the first time, vulnerable, growing, and learning so much. I can imagine that this is a terrifying time for parents. Among more mundane assistance, I have helped students achieve exceptional life prospects at times when I've been able to see other much more terrifying paths they could've gone down. I have had parents come thank me at graduation with a look in their eye of a shared understanding that they fully realize this. It's heartbreaking yet heartwarming and particularly so because I would want nothing less for my own children so I do my best for other people's children. For me, I value the work that I do and believe that I can feasibly balance between a career and home life. I personally don't think that my time will be best spent at home with my child 24/7 when I have others around to assist. I can see why being a SAHM can be a perfect, an okay, or even difficult choice for some to make. However, there are also so many valid reasons for mothers to work - I have mine, and many have already been voiced.So many factors go into these decisions that it's quite astonishing to me really that someone could have such a cut-and-dry opinion, and I think that's why so many have come out in solidarity.
As someone in a very similar position having delayed having children to finish a master's degree, build my career to become a CEO and work hard to establish myself....I am finally at a point where I know I can achieve more of a balance. Women like us get enough shit in the work place at times when dealing with sexism, unfair expectations and often being the minority of our fields in terms of gender balance. We don't need fellow women and fellow mothers to try to demean our worth or claim we are any less of a mother for having a profession and life outside of raising children.
Even sleeping on it and thinking more on this topic, the original post just pisses me off so much more. Many of the best parents I know have maintained their careers, personal interests and relationships while raising children. Honestly, some of the more stressed out and overbearing parents I know are the ones who give up everything to focus only on their children.
Life needs some kind of balance...and we are all multifaceted human beings. Don't lose yourself when you have a child. It isn't healthy for you personally or the child, and one day, your children will grow up and leave. You don't want to have lost your sense of self along the way.
All the moms on this board, working or staying at home, are pretty wonderful mothers for taking care of our children in the way that works best for our families.
I actually kind of loled at her "I'm just sharing my opinion" defense. I too have opinions that could cause issues on this board and potentially hurt feelings (as Im sure we all do because we are all different) butttt I actually care about others so I choose to not say things that could be hurtful. Freedom of internet speech is not without consequence!
ETA: you have every right to be upset, just pointing out that was probably her goal is all. I loved your responses, they were on point.
And to join the chorus, wow. I may not return to work, and I recognize that if I'm able to be a SAHM it's only because of immense privilege, and also some sacrifice. DH (there, I did it!) can keep us afloat, but we'll be a family of 4 in a one bedroom apartment. BTW, I grew up with a working mom and a SAHD. She made more money than he did, so that's how it went.
-Damn Husband
-Darn Husband
-Darling Husband
-Dashingly Handsome
-Dapper Husband
-Delightful Husband
-Daring Husband
Lol....so many things. I just use DH because I am too lazy to type out husband, I find that word in general odd and putting "H" seems weird too.
It's only day one for you, you'll get used to it!
asfar as DH, it it annoys me to use those abbreviations too. In the fb group I skip it and just use names.
@maegpie I would be so mad!!! My mil sent all of our text updates to my bil and then he showed up right after birth when baby was in nicu and I was getting stitched up. So upset. To avoid the facebook thing, someone recommended this to me and I loved it. A few weeks before babyos born, change your Facebook settings to "approve before others can post to my wall." That way it doesn't matter if someone says congratulations or posts a picture, nothing is announced on your wall before you're ready.
@c+mpeachey you're probably not reading responses anymore because you don't care about how you've offended people. But I refuse to sit at home, live off of the government, and throw away any career I've built just to satisfy some stereotype that women are incapable of multitasking. I am an amazing mother with tremendous mom guilt, but I have also proven to my son that women are worth more than sitting at home living off of someone else's money if that's what they choose. I've also proven to him that women are strong and capable enough to overcome adversity, get out of a bad relationship, and protect her family because I was able to provide for him and myself after becoming a single mother. You or anyone with a similar narrow minded view can't take that away from me. I'm a f@ck!ng supermom who has been able to better myself and my children BECAUSE I work, so please sit back down and stfu. Working moms or SAHM moms, we all teach our kids values in life. Please consider those that you are teaching yours.
I've never had jury duty. I think it would cause me a great deal of anxiety to try to determine someone else's fate.
I love ice cream. All ice cream. I'm pretty sure this baby girl loves it too.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.