So sorry your going through that @kristah2. Not that it's excusable but hopefully he was just having a bad day. Having a baby can definitely put a lot of stress on a marriage. H and I have definitely been going through some tough times too. Being able to go out without S a couple times has helped.
@kristah2 this is a safe venting place! You are not alone in your struggles, we've had some rough times over here too! It's easy to feel overwhelmed when you don't have anyone to talk with that understands/isn't judg-ey. We are here for you (if I may speak for everyone )
Hugs @kristah2 and definitely vent away - it is a great place to talk aloud and share some concerns without worrying about the judgement of people in real life who interact with you and DH. God knows I've done it a lot here. It is harder to share with a friend or family member who then interacts with H and you're afraid they will always look at you differently.
much if what you have shared sounds like what I'm going through and the stuff about him not wanting to come home etc was what we dealt with a lot a few mo the back when H had 0 interest in B. While we don't have a formal diagnosis he was definitely exhibiting signs of depression and I'd say it was PPD (we had some of the issues before LO but it got way worse after).
I would recommend counseling as a safe place to talk through some of that stuff although I can't say it fixed anything. But usually I can't get me H to talk, let alone listen, so that environment was needed. Our sessions were mostly trying to get my H to open up about what was bothering him and causing him to lash out - yours has lashed out with you in many ways too if I remember correctly and made threats so it would be good to see what is behind it all.
Hugs @kristah2 and definitely vent away - it is a great place to talk aloud and share some concerns without worrying about the judgement of people in real life who interact with you and DH. God knows I've done it a lot here. It is harder to share with a friend or family member who then interacts with H and you're afraid they will always look at you differently.
much if what you have shared sounds like what I'm going through and the stuff about him not wanting to come home etc was what we dealt with a lot a few mo the back when H had 0 interest in B. While we don't have a formal diagnosis he was definitely exhibiting signs of depression and I'd say it was PPD (we had some of the issues before LO but it got way worse after).
I would recommend counseling as a safe place to talk through some of that stuff although I can't say it fixed anything. But usually I can't get me H to talk, let alone listen, so that environment was needed. Our sessions were mostly trying to get my H to open up about what was bothering him and causing him to lash out - yours has lashed out with you in many ways too if I remember correctly and made threats so it would be good to see what is behind it all.
YES. THIS. If there is something small that is bothering me i might confide in my sisters or a close friend but some stuff I don't want to share because I'm afraid like you said @kvruns that they will then forever see us differently. I'm so glad I had you ladies to vent to and commiserate with!
Yep @leighry H is still pissed at me for confiding some in my parents months ago bc he's like now they will look at me differently and he has said he doesn't want to be around them bc they will just think he's a s#itty husband/dad (Newsflash you are both). But I had to tell someone who could provide me a safe place to go if I needed it and no friends fit that bill.
@kristah2 vent away. We're always here to listen and give you a (somewhat) neutral perspective. Has your H ever laid this out before? Our pediatrician said basically that moms can suffer PPD anywhere up to 4 months but for dads, it often begins at 4-6 months. Is he confident with your LO or does he just avoid him? Either way, it's a totally shitty thing for him to put on you. I don't think asking him to be home, when he says he's going to be, is too much to ask. Either way, hugs to you, this weekend is going to be rough but we're here if you need us.
My sister has confided in me about her marriage. I don't judge her or her husband. We just know his mom has bipolar disorder and tried to kill herself on their wedding day. He has shown a few signs of issues. So as an outsider looking in I worry how my sister wants to have a kid. All I can do is offer support for her. Which is what I can do here too. Vent away. I know if feels good to type it out when I get frustrated with my MIL. I love how there is just support and others who are in the same boat. Virtual hugs to you ladies.
@camcbeth my former best friend started dating a guy with a severe mental illness, that he frequently chose not to treat. He behaved really poorly at a party and when I refused to invite him to one of mine, she told me I was a shitty friend and stopped being my friend. She married him after less than a year of knowing him and is now pregnant. In an awful way, I'm glad that we're not friends anymore because I feel like bringing a baby into that situation is a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry to read about the struggle @kristah2. This can't be easy to deal with on your own, so definitely vent away. Do think @kvruns has some excellent points, feel like you ladies are/will be a great support to each other. Hope for both that better days are ahead.
FML, you guys. We had a lovely day running errands and came home to a letter from the IRS saying we owe $4k in taxes from 2015. We bought our house in 2015 and used our bank as our mortgage lender. They had screwed my husband over in the past with really bad investment advice (with regard to taxes, actual investments are fine) but he still wanted to use them when we bought a house.
They royally screwed up our closing and were basically completely unapologetic about it. For our down payment, we used one of our retirement accounts (again, same bank) and it should not have been taxable since we weren't cashing in the account but using it to buy property. These morons reported it to the IRS as income. So because we're under the age of retirement, they believe we owe taxes on it.
Better yet, we called the bank when we got home and the guy was an ass, full stop. "Well, if it was what you say it was, then it shouldn't be reported as income but we already reported it. So whatever." I'm baffled he couldn't see this as again, it's the same bank for everything.
So Tuesday morning, we're shelling out more money to meet with a tax attorney because no. I'm fine with paying taxes. I strongly believe that paying taxes is what keeps our society going but I'm going to pay more tax, on something that I never saw, than most billionaires pay on their entire fortune? Hell no.
Yep @leighry H is still pissed at me for confiding some in my parents months ago bc he's like now they will look at me differently and he has said he doesn't want to be around them bc they will just think he's a s#itty husband/dad (Newsflash you are both). But I had to tell someone who could provide me a safe place to go if I needed it and no friends fit that bill.
So much this. My husband and I had a really awful fight one night when he was drunk. It ended in me telling him to leave (after hours of him swearing at me and throwing things) and he wouldn't. When I told him I was calling my father he wrestled me to the ground and took the phone. I was about 8 weeks pregnant at the time so I grabbed my cell phone and locked myself in the bathroom and called my father. He came over and calmed everything down eventually but ended up sleeping at our house and left early before my husband woke up. Since then my husband tries to avoid family dinners and such at my parents because now they "judge him." I'm like you can't skip every family event and it's your own damn fault. If they see you changing and not acting like a clown it would benefit you. My parents have never said anything to him about that night but if my dad ever thinks I seem down or upset he always asks if my husband and I are okay. I always wonder if I did the right thing calling my dad that night but in that moment with all my girls asleep and my husband being a drunken asshole I felt like I had no other choice.
You ladies are the best. Thanks so much for being understanding and sharing your own experiences in return. So much love for every single one of you! After a lot of tears we're trying to move forward. My mom came to watch M so we could go on a date. We're both makin an effort. I did suggest going to some counselling but he said he's not ready. He said if it comes to that he will since e loves me and wants to be together but we would rather try to work through things on our own first. He admitted he's too nervous and not ready to talk to someone since he's afraid they're going to make him talk about his dad (who he lost to suicide a few years back). Im glad to know he wants to work through things.
i agree with so many of you.. it's not easy to talk to family or friends who see them all the time. Or worse, judge you for staying. @leighry you definitely did the right thing by calling your dad that night.
Why is it husbands can be such an emotional drain sometimes?!
@RhodaMorgenstern That is INSANE! I would be flipping out, as I'm sure you are. What a total downer :-(
@kristah2 I'm so sorry your H said those things. Feel free to vent away. I know anytime I get on here to vent, just typing out my feelings makes me feel a lot better. This community is so wonderful for non-judgmental support; I'm so so so thankful for it. I'm so glad you guys got to go on a date and talk, too. It's good that he wants to make an effort. It seems like a handful of us are experiencing marital issues, and I think the first year of having a baby is just so stressful on a marriage ... while babies are beautiful and wonderful, they are really stressful and can bring out the ugliness in a lot of relationships. I hope you're feeling better
@RhodaMorgenstern so frustrating on the bank issues. That just seems crazy that they won't take any responsibility for identifying the problem even if you have to be the one to actually fix it. Hopefully you can avoid the taxes if it can be reclassified correctly
@kristah2 my unsolicited advice if he wants to try to work on it in your own is to actually make it happen. Don't fall into the easy trap of not talking about stuff because you don't want to rock the boat when things are good because they build up inside and things tend to get worse.
I have been at work for a grand total of 35 minutes and I'm already counting down until I can leave. My boss is such an oblivious narcissist, it kills me. I just volunteered to get the office milk just so I'm not in the office.
As soon as I hit 2 years, I'm sending out my resume everywhere. They pay me really, really well so I'll probably end up with a pay cut. But it'll be worth it not to be screamed at over door adhesive expanding. Really.
Anyone else's LO being woken up from naps because they've pooped? S has finally gotten over that month long diarrhea but sometimes she'll poop while she's napping and it's waking her up. I know she's still tired but she can't go back to sleep after her diaper change. I'm guessing there isn't anything I can do about it but it's so annoying.
Also, I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow after my 4 day weekend . I've enjoyed having this time with S and I'm also worried H will mess up all of our nap training progress. Naps were fairly rough today which makes me worry even more because we need to be consistent with the routine. I can see him giving up and just napping with her like he had been doing.
Re: May Venting/WTF/FFC
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
much if what you have shared sounds like what I'm going through and the stuff about him not wanting to come home etc was what we dealt with a lot a few mo the back when H had 0 interest in B. While we don't have a formal diagnosis he was definitely exhibiting signs of depression and I'd say it was PPD (we had some of the issues before LO but it got way worse after).
I would recommend counseling as a safe place to talk through some of that stuff although I can't say it fixed anything. But usually I can't get me H to talk, let alone listen, so that environment was needed. Our sessions were mostly trying to get my H to open up about what was bothering him and causing him to lash out - yours has lashed out with you in many ways too if I remember correctly and made threats so it would be good to see what is behind it all.
Either way, it's a totally shitty thing for him to put on you. I don't think asking him to be home, when he says he's going to be, is too much to ask. Either way, hugs to you, this weekend is going to be rough but we're here if you need us.
This can't be easy to deal with on your own, so definitely vent away.
Do think @kvruns has some excellent points, feel like you ladies are/will be a great support to each other.
Hope for both that better days are ahead.
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They royally screwed up our closing and were basically completely unapologetic about it. For our down payment, we used one of our retirement accounts (again, same bank) and it should not have been taxable since we weren't cashing in the account but using it to buy property. These morons reported it to the IRS as income. So because we're under the age of retirement, they believe we owe taxes on it.
Better yet, we called the bank when we got home and the guy was an ass, full stop. "Well, if it was what you say it was, then it shouldn't be reported as income but we already reported it. So whatever." I'm baffled he couldn't see this as again, it's the same bank for everything.
So Tuesday morning, we're shelling out more money to meet with a tax attorney because no. I'm fine with paying taxes. I strongly believe that paying taxes is what keeps our society going but I'm going to pay more tax, on something that I never saw, than most billionaires pay on their entire fortune? Hell no.
After a lot of tears we're trying to move forward. My mom came to watch M so we could go on a date. We're both makin an effort.
I did suggest going to some counselling but he said he's not ready. He said if it comes to that he will since e loves me and wants to be together but we would rather try to work through things on our own first.
He admitted he's too nervous and not ready to talk to someone since he's afraid they're going to make him talk about his dad (who he lost to suicide a few years back).
Im glad to know he wants to work through things.
i agree with so many of you.. it's not easy to talk to family or friends who see them all the time. Or worse, judge you for staying.
@leighry you definitely did the right thing by calling your dad that night.
Why is it husbands can be such an emotional drain sometimes?!
@kristah2 I'm so sorry your H said those things. Feel free to vent away. I know anytime I get on here to vent, just typing out my feelings makes me feel a lot better. This community is so wonderful for non-judgmental support; I'm so so so thankful for it. I'm so glad you guys got to go on a date and talk, too. It's good that he wants to make an effort. It seems like a handful of us are experiencing marital issues, and I think the first year of having a baby is just so stressful on a marriage ... while babies are beautiful and wonderful, they are really stressful and can bring out the ugliness in a lot of relationships. I hope you're feeling better
Also, I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow after my 4 day weekend