@RhodaMorgenstern Ughhh sorry to hear that. For me, food poisoning was worse than labor. I hope you feel better soon.
This!!!! I actually got it 3 days after birth for the 3rd time in my life. Ugh it was the WORST!
I've gotten it twice. The first time I actually had to go to the hospital for it and the second time I was in Egypt and had no relief, not even Ginger Ale to try to help with the nausea. Now that was horrible!! I've never felt such pain.
So it looks like it's not food poisoning, it's acute pancreatitis. I'm hanging out in the ER now, waiting for tests. No idea what we'll do come 5 with A...
So it looks like it's not food poisoning, it's acute pancreatitis. I'm hanging out in the ER now, waiting for tests. No idea what we'll do come 5 with A...
Oh no! I'm not sure what all that entails but I hope you get squared away quick.
@RhodaMorgenstern hope you feel better! Being sick is hard enough, but having others to care for while sick makes it even harder! I hope you guys can figure out childcare!
I have a vent I need to get out of my system even though I contradict myself in it. I think most know by now my H and I have a lot of issues stemming from his likely PPD and anger/inability to care for baby (or even want to be around him, tho that improved a little tho it seems to be trending backward).
Last weekend H decided to sign up for a car show on Sunday which meant detailing the car on Saturday plus deciding to wash/wax/detail his new car so he spent nearly the whole day on the car and then gone all day Sun at the show. It was fine bc it gets him out of my hair yet it sucks bc he can take the whole weekend doing what he wants while I have baby care.
Today I come home and he's doing deck repair and prepping to stain it - he's talked about it for 2+ years but decided to finally do it since his dad is coming to visit in a week and it will take most of the weekend. So again I'll be "stuck" on baby duty while he does projects he wants to do all weekend.
I think im just resentful that he gets to do that stuff while I never get a break. The reality is I'd still do baby care 24/7 this weekend like always so it isn't any different but it just feels different that he gets to do what he wants all weekend without responsibility. Unfortunately the "just leave him with the baby for an hour" still isn't an option bc LO crying/meltdowns provoke sudden anger in H.
That's not contradictory at all @kvruns. I get irritated that DH goes and does things while I tend to the kids sometimes, but at the same time know I would choose to tend to the kids regardless.
Is there somewhere you and LO could go and enjoy yourself?
That's not contradictory at all @kvruns. I get irritated that DH goes and does things while I tend to the kids sometimes, but at the same time know I would choose to tend to the kids regardless.
Is there somewhere you and LO could go and enjoy yourself?
Yea we will go do something tomorrow. I've been wanting to take him to a park sometime so maybe I'll look for one with baby swings
@kvruns That is so frustrating. Do you have a babysitter to give you relief on the weekends? Maybe you can find a college student now that school's out! I can ask my girl if she'd be up for going to the north, north side
@kvruns That is so frustrating. Do you have a babysitter to give you relief on the weekends? Maybe you can find a college student now that school's out! I can ask my girl if she'd be up for going to the north, north side
Lol north north side. Our next door neighbor is college Age and does some baby sitting. I've been waiting for LO to get older but really i would say he is there. My parents are also available though they're on the south side.
for the most part I don't mind being the care taker, I think I just get sad/mad that I don't have the option to take a break except when he is at daycare.
@kvruns I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I feel like I'm in a similar boat. H is trying but I don't think that he really really gets the fact that we are always "on" and our project list is seemingly forever on hold.
@jsmai I feel like there has to be a leap or growth spurt around 27 weeks or so. My LO did the same thing for 3 weeks. Now the past three nights after his last bottle he is wide awake and talking and able to put himself to sleep and wakes at 6. When before he would be passed out after his bottle and wake every 2-3 hours and he would be up at 5. He's like a differ child! Hang in there!
So H would bitch in therapy how I don't even want him to have "a couple " of beers. It's an F ing Monday and he's on #11 at least. Hmm wonder why I have issues with your drinking cuz you can't do "a couple". But instead I sit tonight and have to just agree with everything he says to not start a fight.
@kvruns I'm so sorry to hear that! Have you tried writing him a letter to explain your frustrations? I know when I'm mad I just yell and make no sense. In your case I'd be super pissed too! I hope your night gets better!!
I have thought about it @anne11716 but never have. It has all come up calmly in therapy (im not a yeller anyway) but he refuses to care. In his mind I'm just ruining his fun, period. He refuses to see it any other way. This is when I really wish my family lived on the same side of town as me because I just want to leave for a few days bc I'm tired of the disrespect but I can't stay with them and send LO to daycare up here.
@kvruns that really sucks. Is your H able to admit that he sometimes drinks to excess or does he act like he never does and it's always just in your head?
@kvruns I'm sorry girl. That is a lose-lose situation to be in (I have found myself there with hubs too... thankfully not since Nick was born because I lost my shit on him while I was pregnant). I hope he can learn to listen to you and really see where you are coming from. Its not fair you have to feel that way! I'm the "no fun wife" about alcohol and I don't care anymore. I used to let him make me feel bad about wanting the house booze free but since he couldn't show me he could have two to three to just relax (and not get pass out drunk) I made it that way. Of course for holidays or every once in a while if he wants beer I'm fine but it's definitely not an every day item in our house. We have had a lot less fights since. He is just a confrontational drunk. I couldn't say boo without it being offensive to him somehow.
@kvruns that really sucks. Is your H able to admit that he sometimes drinks to excess or does he act like he never does and it's always just in your head?
I would say sometimes he admits it and then other items he tries to pretend it is all in my head or that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He just thinks he should be able to drink how he wants whenever he wants. It was a big issue before LO was ever born but apparently having Anna u doesnt make him need to change either
@leighry that sounds very similar to mine. We've had many a fight bc of his drinking but nothing I say or do gets through to him. I could yell or cry til I'm blue in the face but ultimately he wouldn't change. He stopped while LO was here bc he knew he couldn't be trusted but when I went away for a week around 3 months he basically got drunk every night I was gone and then now that opened the flood gates to start again. I truly wish he would do something to really force my hand as bad as it sounds. Instead I sit here pumping for shit bc I was stressed and my boobs don't respond, slept 2 hours til LO decided to wake me up and now I'm watching a movie bc I'm wide awake and mad. I just wish he gave a shit about me or LO
@kvruns I'm so sorry your going through that. I agree with writing a letter also. I do that often because I have a really hard time communicating with H when I'm mad. I need time to get my thoughts together so I can get it all out and make sense.
@kvruns Sorry. Do you go to therapy/counselor on your own at all or is it always with your H? I would suggest going on your own too. Also not sure if this is something you've thought about at all, but from everything you talk about on here it sort of sounds like you want to leave him? Maybe if you did for like a month or something that would make him realize what he is messing up? Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship and I don't know if that would even be effective.
@m6agua I have not gone on my own but I have thought about it. You are right that many times I do want to leave because it just isn't a good situation half the time and I know it is taking a toll on me. I wish I would have done that before he was in daycare because now it is that much harder - the only place I have to go won't work with him being in daycare. But honestly I don't think me leaving would do anything, he would probably enjoy us being gone (like when I went on vacation). I just don't understand how I ever ended up in a situation like this. I promise I'm a normal, drama-free person normally, good job, good family, etc.
@kvruns sorry you're going through a rough time. It doesn't sound easy. I wish I had more advice to offer but all I can offer is support. Hugs to you. You are SO strong (stronger then I would ever be).
Thanks all, I really appreciate it. It is nice to have somewhere I can vent other than to those who know me/us in real life. I hope I don't sound like the boy who cried wolf, it is just so hard to try to figure this stuff out when it isn't just me in the picture anymore
I second what @Ladybug2821 said, figure out what your options are and start making plans. If he hasn't changed since your LO was born, it's doubtful he will. @kristah2 is right. You're a strong woman and you'll do whatever is best for you and B. It really sucks that you're going through.
I second what @Ladybug2821 said, figure out what your options are and start making plans. If he hasn't changed since your LO was born, it's doubtful he will. @kristah2 is right. You're a strong woman and you'll do whatever is best for you and B. It really sucks that you're going through.
Thanks. I do have a daycare list for that side of town that I got back in Jan or Feb when things started going south so I have some resources if necessary. My parents have also said they would be my daycare for a few weeks if needed. I mean I could go stay with them for a week or two now, they could watch LO, but I'm still paying for old day care until a decision would be made. Part of my hesitation too, even though it sounds dumb, is my current daycare went up $40 a week from when we secured a spot in the fall and he started. We were able to get him grandfathered in at the old rate but I'm sure if I left and ended up coming back it would be the new rate which is a lot of extra $ so I feel like I'd need to know for sure he wasn't coming back.
On the bright side if I do need to do something I am financially secure in my own right so I don't worry about that part. I just wish he could be the one to leave for a while, ya know?
@kvruns if you asked him to leave, do you think he would?
nope. He owns the house, it is his not ours. So if anyone is leaving it would have to be me. A couple months ago, while still really in the thick of what I believe was his PPD, he admitted that he sees baby B as a guest in his house. And while he wouldn't admit to also seeing me that way I'm 99% sure he sees me that way too. I know in some ways it was likely the depression talking but I also believe he meant it, sort of reiterating that it is ultimately his house.
@kvruns if at some point you do decide to leave please speak to a lawyer. He may see it as his house but you may very well have rights to half of it. I don't know the law there as much as I do Canada (my husband is a family lawyer) so I don't know for sure but please reach out to a lawyer there to talk about your rights should you decide to leave.
Wow, the fact that he admitted that he sees his son as a guest in his house says a lot about him. I am so sorry you're going this. I can only echo what @kristah2 said and speak to a lawyer. You and B deserve so much more than this.
@kvruns if at some point you do decide to leave please speak to a lawyer. He may see it as his house but you may very well have rights to half of it. I don't know the law there as much as I do Canada (my husband is a family lawyer) so I don't know for sure but please reach out to a lawyer there to talk about your rights should you decide to leave.
The house is written into our prenup so I have no claim. If we would have bought another house then each gets what they put in to it. The bonus is it has allowed me to sock away a lot of my paycheck since I'm not having to pay a mortgage and he pays all the repairs, improvements etc.
Re: May Venting/WTF/FFC
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
Last weekend H decided to sign up for a car show on Sunday which meant detailing the car on Saturday plus deciding to wash/wax/detail his new car so he spent nearly the whole day on the car and then gone all day Sun at the show. It was fine bc it gets him out of my hair yet it sucks bc he can take the whole weekend doing what he wants while I have baby care.
Today I come home and he's doing deck repair and prepping to stain it - he's talked about it for 2+ years but decided to finally do it since his dad is coming to visit in a week and it will take most of the weekend. So again I'll be "stuck" on baby duty while he does projects he wants to do all weekend.
I think im just resentful that he gets to do that stuff while I never get a break. The reality is I'd still do baby care 24/7 this weekend like always so it isn't any different but it just feels different that he gets to do what he wants all weekend without responsibility. Unfortunately the "just leave him with the baby for an hour" still isn't an option bc LO crying/meltdowns provoke sudden anger in H.
Is there somewhere you and LO could go and enjoy yourself?
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
for the most part I don't mind being the care taker, I think I just get sad/mad that I don't have the option to take a break except when he is at daycare.
of beers. It's an F ing Monday and he's on #11 at least. Hmm wonder why I have issues with your drinking cuz you can't do "a couple". But instead I sit tonight and have to just agree with everything he says to not start a fight.
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
head or that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He just thinks he should be able to drink how he wants whenever he wants. It was a big issue before LO was ever born but apparently having Anna u doesnt make him need to change either
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019On the bright side if I do need to do something I am financially secure in my own right so I don't worry about that part. I just wish he could be the one to leave for a while, ya know?
I don't know the law there as much as I do Canada (my husband is a family lawyer) so I don't know for sure but please reach out to a lawyer there to talk about your rights should you decide to leave.