@kvruns good for you for taking care of yourself and saving! I would still consider going to a lawyer down the road (with your prenup) to see what you're entitled to. It could be iron clad. You could have more entitlement then you think. Youre a strong mama and you will do what's best for you and LO!
@kvruns if at some point you do decide to leave please speak to a lawyer. He may see it as his house but you may very well have rights to half of it. I don't know the law there as much as I do Canada (my husband is a family lawyer) so I don't know for sure but please reach out to a lawyer there to talk about your rights should you decide to leave.
This, I know in my state, when you are married property is 50/50 no matter who "owns" it. For example, I bought my car and only my name is on the title. However if we were to get divorced it is technically half H's as well because we are married.
@kvruns Wow, that is some serious stuff. I am so sorry. H and I have been arguing a lot about our dog. Yes, seriously, our marriage is going down the crapper because of a dog. But I cannot imagine dealing with drinking issues and a husband thinking of me and our child as guests in his house. That must be so hard. Hugs to you, and hoping by some miracle things start to get better. Did you guys have these issues before LO?
Edit: I used a cuss word. I don't think I'm allowed to do that, right? Whoops!
I just tried to talk to him bc he was like "are you mad at me". I tried to use statements about how I feel and how is actions make me feel
he of course thinks he's entitled to a few beers to let loose and I'm like that's not a few! He wouldn't say out loud how much he had even tho I knew. . His retort is well I could go out and drink this much and drive. He says that since we've fought about drinking and driving. basically it ended with me saying how he makes me feel like I don't matter to him and he of course didn't say a word. This is usually how our talks go, I know he tries to take it all in but this zero response crap is annoying. I've spent so much $$ on therapy for us and he won't even talk to me. Ugh.
@kvruns you deserve SO much more then this!!!! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you mentioned leaving him ever? What was his response? You deserve to be treated with love and respect l and so does your LO. stay strong girl, and trust your gut. Thinking of you!!
@kvruns If his response to "You did something shitty" is "Well, I could have done something shittier," then he doesn't understand the problem. @anne11716 is right, you deserve better and don't forget it. If there is anything we can do, let us know.
Thank you all for the insights and love, I really do appreciate it! It is nice to have an outlet although I hate sharing my dirty laundry at the same time.
I had some catching up to do on here and I'm so sorry to read about your struggle @kvruns. I'm really shocked to read his response on you and your LO as being guests in his house, as well as you saying that he propbably wouldn't mind if you are gone.
I don't have the same bond with you as other ladies here, and I might cross a line here. But is that worth fighting for and feeling so well not being worth it? Of course being alone can feel as you are lonely sometimes, but feeling lonely when you are with two I believe is much worse. You deserve someone that treats you with respect, that wants to make your day a little better, that would miss you when you are not there and feels like his house isn't a home when you and your LO aren't there. I think you are one strong woman to keep fighting, but please do know that if you feel like not fighting for happiness anymore that you are still a strong woman! Hang in there, and definitely do use this place to vent if that is something that'll help you. Sending you a creepy internet hug.
Thanks @tvh1982 you're not crossing a line at all. I absolutely agree that I'm not sure it is worth fighting for. I hung on earlier when things got bad because I knew if I left he'd want 0 to do with LO since he had no bond; now he has a little bond with him but sometimes I think that will make it worse/harder. I do think he is suffering some kind of PPD but at the same time I can only hold on so long without change. It is tough bc it isn't miserable 24/7 we have good stretches but then bam feeling like I mean nothing again.
Over the last week, we've had several doctor's appointments and DS has been really sick, so when H has been home we've been doing a lot of dividing and conquering and the few times he's had DD while I'm with DS, he's decided to wear her in our Tula carrier. I think it's super adorable. Of course, she usually falls asleep, which is fine by us. We still hold for usually one nap a day and I love to babywear when we're out and about or visiting family. So, H takes a pic of himself wearing DD in the carrier and sends it to me and tells me he sent it to his mom too. Later that day, I was wondering what she thought of the pic, thinking she would get a kick out of it and find it so cute, so I look at his phone and find a LONG message from her telling him that we "need to wean her off of being held for sleep" and detailing how she did it with his brother and it's hard to hear them cry but you really need to just do it blah blah blah.
WTF. You live in another state; you have no idea what goes on in our house or how often we hold our baby. And why do you care? It's not bothering or affecting you. If we like to hold her or wear her, then who cares?
I'm really tempted now to start posting a bunch of pictures of me holding her while she naps on Facebook ... "just over here holding my baby AGAIN" lol
Anyway, not that big of a deal, but just super annoying that she thinks she needs to give input on the amount of time we spend holding our child. I'm glad H doesn't take much of what she says to heart.
@mrsmoose5 nothing irritates me more than someone giving me unasked for parenting advice. So sorry! I'd definitely post pics baby wearing and sleeping pics just to rub it in ha ha. Mind your own business MIL!
Wtf, universe! This week has been really stressful. My coworker is going on vacation and one of us needs to be in the office st all times. My mom has a geriatric psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning and we need to go because I need to discuss whether or not she's at the point to go into a home. And today, H finds out he might need to go on a business trip 3-4 hours away tomorrow because someone may or may not have lied in public about something that would be insanely stupid if it's true. So everything tomorrow is on me; getting A to daycare, the dog to doggie daycare (yes, he really does have to go), my mom to her doctors appointment and then go to work. Then, I will probably have to do pick up alone. Arrrrrrggggghhhhh.
I'm jealous of all the snuggles. S won't sleep/nap with me anymore . If we attempt it, she wakes up in 30 mins or less. On the other hand, she won't let H put her down for a nap so he naps with her.
Halfway through the morning from hell. Dropped A off at daycare super early. I showed up with the dad who drops his son off first and picks up first. But I'm not picking her up until our regular time, thus exceeding the 9 hour city maximum. Whoops.
Halfway through the morning from hell. Dropped A off at daycare super early. I showed up with the dad who drops his son off first and picks up first. But I'm not picking her up until our regular time, thus exceeding the 9 hour city maximum. Whoops.
there's a 9 hour max? Yikes, I break that every day. Mine is open from 6-6 and you can have them there all 12 hours if you want (though I would only do that if I had to go to a business meeting far away or something). One day care I've looked into (should I end up moving) has a 50 hour per week max which I thought was interesting.
What's with people telling of about where your baby naps? My last reply to someone who said my LO shouldn't sleep in my bed (P does that sometimes if she needs to process her day, or just doesn't want her own bed, or if I missed her and want her close) was that I'm pretty sure when she's 18 she doesn't want to sleep with me anymore. I don't get this whole 'you need to wean them off' as if our LO's will nap like that forever. Seeing all those cute LO's napping makes me miss P. I just dropped her off at my mums as I need a night sleep to catch up.
Its never easy @kvruns, specially if there is still good moments. I hope you'll find a way to make this work for you and your LO. And never ever think you mean nothing! You matter!
The 9 hour maximum is a ridiculous rule implemented when a child, who had been at an in home daycare for over 12 hours, died because his caregiver was too tired. It's ridiculous. If we were willing to go over the county line, like 20 minutes out of our way, we could leave her there for 12 hours and not be threatened with being charged $1 per minute over the 9 hours. How is anyone who works a full time job supposed to do that, with a commute?
This morning was rough but it's over. I basically came to the realization that we need to put my mom in a home and I'm kind of devastated. Her Alzheimer's has progressed from moderate to severe and her physical health problems mean that I can't take adequate care of her anymore. A is being christened on June 4th and I can't bring myself to start the process of researching homes and figuring things out until after that.
The 9 hour maximum is a ridiculous rule implemented when a child, who had been at an in home daycare for over 12 hours, died because his caregiver was too tired. It's ridiculous. If we were willing to go over the county line, like 20 minutes out of our way, we could leave her there for 12 hours and not be threatened with being charged $1 per minute over the 9 hours. How is anyone who works a full time job supposed to do that, with a commute?
This morning was rough but it's over. I basically came to the realization that we need to put my mom in a home and I'm kind of devastated. Her Alzheimer's has progressed from moderate to severe and her physical health problems mean that I can't take adequate care of her anymore. A is being christened on June 4th and I can't bring myself to start the process of researching homes and figuring things out until after that.
Hugs to you - that is so tough dealing with your mom on top of everything else. I don't know how you are doing it. Alzheimer's is a big fear of mine with my dad (I have no idea if it is hereditary but his mom had it bad) and I can't imagine dealing with that, let alone when she lives with you so you really see it every day.
The 9 hour thing is crazy since most workforces you work 8 hours and have a 1 hour lunch - so that's 9 hours, forget about having to commute. even a place with a 30 min lunch break it would be very tough.
Daycare fed B breakfast at 8:45 and then lunch at 10:15. wtf I know they rotate the kids through since it is tough feeding that many kids at once but that just seems strange
I find that strange indeed. Here they try to feed them at the same time if the routine from home lets them. But mostly we all teach our kids at home to eat at the same time no matter which household. So they spoonfead the smaller ones at the same time. Fruits at 9ish, lunch at 12ish, and bottles according to schedule.
DH has a habit of leaving the knife he last used on the cutting board, which is near the edge of the counter daily. Every morning when I wake up and come downstairs, I find myself moving the knife to the sink before the kids wake up and ODD comes down because, quite frankly, it's an accident waiting to happen. She doesn't understand the dangers of the knife or grabbing things off the counter. Every day she sees us use things on that counter accident free. So how would she know otherwise?
After months of moving the stupid knife, I asked DH last night after dinner to be more mindful of moving the knife - or any dangerous object - from the counter. I know he heard me. He acknowledged my talking. 2 hours later there's a damn knife there. I move it to the sink and remind of the request and need again. He acknowledges me, again. Tonight I start cleaning up dinner and there's ANOTHER knife on the counter. I wanted to flip the f out. Instead I put the knife in the sink... again. He comes in, makes something to eat, and low-and-behold there's ANOTHER F-ING KNIFE.
I do not want my point proven the horrible awful way I fear could happen. But he also clearly just does not get it.
Do do I just resolve to having to be on knife patrol until the kids understand that touching it is a bad idea? We never baby-proofed with our oldest and so I think DH assumes she has our common sense, which we know isn't possible.
@sandnstarsnj if it were me I'd make him come move the knife the moment I noticed it, morning or night, get his but out of bed if you have to. My guess is he will get so annoyed he will stop doing it. by the way I think you are 100% right. It's an accident waiting to happen and can easily be avoided if he just put the knife in the sink.
Making H move it wouldn't work with my guy. If it were my husband I would leave it on the counter and then the next day I'd tell him DD reached up and knocked it off the counter and it almost got her. Sure, it's a lie but it's for the greater good.
Making H move it wouldn't work with my guy. If it were my husband I would leave it on the counter and then the next day I'd tell him DD reached up and knocked it off the counter and it almost got her. Sure, it's a lie but it's for the greater good.
Making H move it wouldn't work with my guy. If it were my husband I would leave it on the counter and then the next day I'd tell him DD reached up and knocked it off the counter and it almost got her. Sure, it's a lie but it's for the greater good.
This is more him too but I don't think he'd buy it. Sometimes he's just so oblivious or unwilling to see another POV. I work with kids all day and he works at home by himself. We're just coming from two totally different means of operation.
When will this little girl stop pooping in her MOTN??? This diarrhea is just endless. It's going on over 3 weeks and the nurse said it could take a month to go away because they think it's from the rotavirus vaccine. If she wasn't pooping, I think she'd actually STTN. She was able to put herself to sleep again at bedtime so I know she can do it in then MOTN if it weren't for this darn poop.
Re: May Venting/WTF/FFC
Youre a strong mama and you will do what's best for you and LO!
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Edit: I used a cuss word. I don't think I'm allowed to do that, right? Whoops!
Weird internet hugs @kvruns. Do what you need to do to be happy. Daycare can always sort itself out.
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
he of course thinks he's entitled to a few beers to let loose and I'm like that's not a few! He wouldn't say out loud how much he had even tho I knew. . His retort is well I could go out and drink this much and drive. He says that since we've fought about drinking and driving. basically it ended with me saying how he makes me feel like I don't matter to him and he of course didn't say a word. This is usually how our talks go, I know he tries to take it all in but this zero response crap is annoying. I've spent so much $$ on therapy for us and he won't even talk to me. Ugh.
ETA The custodians broke the door down while i'm pumping and refuse to come back. So this got weirder... wtf.
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
I'm really shocked to read his response on you and your LO as being guests in his house, as well as you saying that he propbably wouldn't mind if you are gone.
I don't have the same bond with you as other ladies here, and I might cross a line here. But is that worth fighting for and feeling so well not being worth it?
Of course being alone can feel as you are lonely sometimes, but feeling lonely when you are with two I believe is much worse.
You deserve someone that treats you with respect, that wants to make your day a little better, that would miss you when you are not there and feels like his house isn't a home when you and your LO aren't there.
I think you are one strong woman to keep fighting, but please do know that if you feel like not fighting for happiness anymore that you are still a strong woman!
Hang in there, and definitely do use this place to vent if that is something that'll help you.
Sending you a creepy internet hug.
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Over the last week, we've had several doctor's appointments and DS has been really sick, so when H has been home we've been doing a lot of dividing and conquering and the few times he's had DD while I'm with DS, he's decided to wear her in our Tula carrier. I think it's super adorable. Of course, she usually falls asleep, which is fine by us. We still hold for usually one nap a day and I love to babywear when we're out and about or visiting family. So, H takes a pic of himself wearing DD in the carrier and sends it to me and tells me he sent it to his mom too. Later that day, I was wondering what she thought of the pic, thinking she would get a kick out of it and find it so cute, so I look at his phone and find a LONG message from her telling him that we "need to wean her off of being held for sleep" and detailing how she did it with his brother and it's hard to hear them cry but you really need to just do it blah blah blah.
WTF. You live in another state; you have no idea what goes on in our house or how often we hold our baby. And why do you care? It's not bothering or affecting you. If we like to hold her or wear her, then who cares?
I'm really tempted now to start posting a bunch of pictures of me holding her while she naps on Facebook ... "just over here holding my baby AGAIN" lol
Anyway, not that big of a deal, but just super annoying that she thinks she needs to give input on the amount of time we spend holding our child. I'm glad H doesn't take much of what she says to heart.
This is us every day!
Here's us, @mrsmoose5, right now. Post ever snuggle picture you have!
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Team snuggle naps when I feel like it!
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019My last reply to someone who said my LO shouldn't sleep in my bed (P does that sometimes if she needs to process her day, or just doesn't want her own bed, or if I missed her and want her close) was that I'm pretty sure when she's 18 she doesn't want to sleep with me anymore.
I don't get this whole 'you need to wean them off' as if our LO's will nap like that forever.
Seeing all those cute LO's napping makes me miss P. I just dropped her off at my mums as I need a night sleep to catch up.
Hope your busy day will go smoothly @rhodamorgenstern!
Its never easy @kvruns, specially if there is still good moments. I hope you'll find a way to make this work for you and your LO. And never ever think you mean nothing! You matter!
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This morning was rough but it's over. I basically came to the realization that we need to put my mom in a home and I'm kind of devastated. Her Alzheimer's has progressed from moderate to severe and her physical health problems mean that I can't take adequate care of her anymore. A is being christened on June 4th and I can't bring myself to start the process of researching homes and figuring things out until after that.
The 9 hour thing is crazy since most workforces you work 8 hours and have a 1 hour lunch - so that's 9 hours, forget about having to commute. even a place with a 30 min lunch break it would be very tough.
Here they try to feed them at the same time if the routine from home lets them.
But mostly we all teach our kids at home to eat at the same time no matter which household. So they spoonfead the smaller ones at the same time.
Fruits at 9ish, lunch at 12ish, and bottles according to schedule.
A little meme for MIL:
**********************************************************************************************************************************
After months of moving the stupid knife, I asked DH last night after dinner to be more mindful of moving the knife - or any dangerous object - from the counter. I know he heard me. He acknowledged my talking. 2 hours later there's a damn knife there. I move it to the sink and remind of the request and need again. He acknowledges me, again. Tonight I start cleaning up dinner and there's ANOTHER knife on the counter. I wanted to flip the f out. Instead I put the knife in the sink... again. He comes in, makes something to eat, and low-and-behold there's ANOTHER F-ING KNIFE.
I do not want my point proven the horrible awful way I fear could happen. But he also clearly just does not get it.
Do do I just resolve to having to be on knife patrol until the kids understand that touching it is a bad idea? We never baby-proofed with our oldest and so I think DH assumes she has our common sense, which we know isn't possible.
Ugh. End vent.
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16
by the way I think you are 100% right. It's an accident waiting to happen and can easily be avoided if he just put the knife in the sink.
Thanks, ladies.
Welcomed baby girl: 06.10.14
Second pregnancy EDD: 06.16.16 MC: 10.29.15
Welcomed baby boy: 11.25.16