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SO Bitch & Brag (1.24)

SKZWSKZW member
in May 2017 Moms
These are some of my favorite posts to read! Do you have something to brag about / vent about regarding your significant others this week?
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Re: SO Bitch & Brag (1.24)

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  • RainyDays86RainyDays86 member
    @laurapalmier my H is the exact same way! He never gives anything away. He literally has a shirt that says "Spring Break 1996" on it.
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  • Jens_HoesJens_Hoes member
    Bitch: Hubby and I got into a nasty fight (over nothing) on Sunday which resulted in us yelling at one another.  

    Brag: Since then, we have discussed the argument, and he has been way more attentive to the things that I am asking him to do.  Ex: bring his clothes upstairs after he showers (I know, sounds like he's my son, his mother ruined him), turned my car around in the garage yesterday so I could pull out not back down since we had an ice storm yesterday, there were others but I can't remember.  It is amazing not having to nag him to do things, it honestly makes our lives so much better.
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  • BeachMommy2BBeachMommy2B member
    Brag: I have been so sick with a head cold/bronchitis and fiancé had been amazing. He's picked up the slack with DD and not giving me "too much" grief about it. I just really hope he or DD doesn't catch what I have, because it really stinks! 
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  • OmegaRose3OmegaRose3 member
    Bitch: DH woke me up from a nap by pinching my butt repeatedly...it was not appreciated

    Brag: He stoped to get me juice before my doctors appointment, made it to the appointment on time (he's been bad about time managment this pregnancy) and he got me lunch afterwards...now if I had only gotten a nap it would have been perfect lol
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  • Jkp7749Jkp7749 member
    Brag: dh went to four stores to find a rectal thermometer for dd AND picked up dinner and never once complained. 

    Bitch: he talks sooooo loud right by her room when dd is sleeping and when i get frustrated bc i panic and think im going to have to soothe her, he keeos doing it to egg me on. 
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  • achays11achays11 member
    I caught MH's bronchitis that he had last week. While he was sick, I wasn't the most attentive wife, but I did make sure that DD didn't bother him and got her out of the house so he could rest. He mentioned that I didn't take care of him and I felt really bad. I have been posted up on the couch since last night and he has been so great. Doing everything for DD, asking if I need anything, and making sure that I am hydrated and warm. I know he still doesn't feel well himself, but I really appreciate everything that he's been doing for me. 
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  • MrsFreeman2010MrsFreeman2010 member
    Naps have been a little hit or miss the last week for DD (we were out of town/traveling for two of the days, we were running errrands one day that cut into nap time, and she refused to nap two other times). She does pretty good when she doesn't nap, just gets silly goofy and a little crazy at bedtime. Well today she didn't nap and instead just laid in bed for two and a half hours talking. Tonight when DH got home she was basically bouncing off the walls crazy and he kept snapping at me, "well if someone would make her so she wouldn't act like this". What am I supposed to do?? I can't force her to close her eyes and sleep. I left her quietly in her room during nap time and she was having none of it. Then he lays her down for bed and she goes right to sleep and he says "wow that was real hard". Whatever.
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  • inomniaparatus2inomniaparatus2 member
    DH has been wanting to go to the movies so we decided yesterday we would go. Well after my appointment I was exhausted. I didn't sleep well the night before so instead of going to the movies we went home and napped for 3 hours. It was his one day off during the day while working in the evening and didn't complain about wasting the day and not doing something or going to the movies. 
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  • Jens_HoesJens_Hoes member
    Another bitch:
    I work until 7 every Wednesday and work at 8:45 Thursday morning. I drive 40 min to work so I don't get home til 7:45, and I cook all meals so I have to cook once I get home. 
    Today hubby was at his sisters so I didn't have to cook him food, but didn't come home for when I was going to be home so I get home to an empty house. Have to take care of the dog, make dinner for myself. He gets home immediately poops and says I'm going in the living room. I try to talk to him about my day/his day (and mind you I went to the Ob today bc I'm having weird pain and he's yet to ask me about it), he tells me he'd rather watch YouTube on the tv, and "talk to me later" when I'm in bed trying to wind down for the night. Which I don't want. He continues to watch tv. I'm trying my hardest not to punch him in the crotch. 
    Insert massive eye roll emoji. 
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  • SKZWSKZW member
    @Jen_Shoes: It's been a half hour: Have you chatted with him yet about your appt.? If you haven't, try saying something along the lines of, before we're in bed I need to tell you about my day, and see what he says. If he's smart, he won't put you off again, otherwise the crotch-punching commences.  :D
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  • Jens_HoesJens_Hoes member
    @SKZW we went upstairs and he did something innocuous and I kind of snapped at him. And I said you only think about yourself, and care about your stupid YouTube. And I said, what did I do today? And he forgot because he said got up and went to work? And I said went to the drs! And then he kind of shut up and asked me about everything and pretended to be interested when I talked about my bumping on here. So he survived sans crotch punching one more night. 
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  • SKZWSKZW member
    Glad to hear you were able to chat. Hang in there. Boys are dumb.
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  • OmegaRose3OmegaRose3 member
    I have another bitch to add...
    So last night DH made one of our easy favorites, fried sausage and potatoes and this morning when I got up to clean the house, it was still sitting out. I was mad earlier and got over it, but now I'm super annoyed because I have nothing to do for dinner and I am starving. I guess DD and I will just eat PB&J. Ugh.
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.
    He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
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  • WombThereItIsWombThereItIs member
    @nda_roxybabe I'm sorry that sucks. 6 weeks I think I was still sleeping maybe 4 stretches of about 45 minutes a night. I will suggest you consider saving more than 3 days off though. Daycare is rough the first year and they can get sick a lot, I used a ton of leave for sick days in the first year and a half especially. 

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  • starphish18starphish18 member
    @nda_roxybabe Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I'd highly suggest rounding up some research or reputable sources online that talk about the importance of those first weeks and kindly showing them to H. And maybe some graphs showing standard paid maternity leave in areas other than the US. Even puppies can't be sold before 8 weeks in most states because we recognize the importance of those first weeks for development. My H was concerned when I first told him I wanted to be a SAHM. Once I laid out my argument, he was on board. Facts and figures really helped.
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  • pshaortaopshaortao member
    nda_roxybabe said:
    I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.
    He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 
    Ugh not cool. And what if you end up with a c-section? That you will need 8 weeks off. He needs to be at least mentally prepared for that. 


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  • KipperooKipperoo member
    @nda_roxybabe , I'm sorry, that's a really annoying and unfair position you've been put in. While it is true that maternity policies in the US are ridiculously bad and many mothers go back to work after as little as 2 weeks, you won't know what you are dealing with as far as recovery until you get there. As PP mentioned, a C-section would probably require even more time than you've already got planned. 
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  • kat81kat81 member
    edited January 2017
    NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:
    @kat81  My husband hasn't acted in a play since HS.  Aside from that, I think we may be married to the same man.  Every time you talk about your DH, it reminds me of mine.  *said in the least creepy way possible*
    aww!!! Then you, too, have an amazing husband and you should totally have three children! (I'm not kidding -- with any other spouse I could have imagined, I would have had to stop at two, but this guy really does his fair share -- more than it -- so it made the decision to go for 3 much easier.)

    Also, as for the play, he only just got back into acting this past year, so you never know with your DH.... ;-)

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  • kat81kat81 member
    edited January 2017
    nda_roxybabe said:
    I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.
    He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 
    OK, nope nope nope nope your DH is wrong on this one.

    I got what was basically 7 weeks (it was 8 weeks but there was so much pressure to return that I went back reduced time at 6 weeks) with #1 and it was bad. Even 8 weeks in was pretty bad. I didn't realize until #2, really, that I had had a difficult newborn. But still...I had also had a completely uncomplicated and healthy vaginal delivery, too, and massive support from my DH who was on leave much of this time, plus a nanny that started at that 5-6 week mark, and parents in town. It still royally sucked and I'm still bitter about it and still mentally hold it against my former supervisor. This was in 2010. With #2 I might have been able to go back that fast because she was easy, but luckily I had a longer leave and it just felt better. It felt right to return when she was 3 mo old, which is what I did.

    I think 8 weeks is the right amount of time (well more is better, but 8 weeks if you're already dipping into unpaid time.)

    Here's a question -- can you decide later? Can you take the 6 weeks, then take more PTO if needed, and then take unpaid time if needed after that?

    Also what is included in PTO? Does that include sick time? I ask because with a baby you actually need more sick time than usual, because whenever they get sick or your daycare is closed or your nanny cancels or whatever, someone needs to cover (perhaps DH!) I'd be wary about leaving just 3 days left for the whole year, but I realize it is a tough call.

    ETA: Has your husband done all of the math involved? Here's my take -- either you make enough money that it will be ok to take some weeks unpaid (from savings, etc), or your salary is small enough that it's not even all that much higher than the childcare you're paying for instead. You don't get to keep all of the salary that comes to you that week. You need to pay for someone to watch the baby.

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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    Thanks guys! H is typically super sweet and supportive, the problem is he just doesn't understand. In his mind I should physically be okay by 6 weeks (C section barring) and it'll be fine. He is so money focused (hello, Taurus) and the thought of me getting 4 weeks at only 60% pay stresses him out, let alone me taking anything unpaid. He said "what if I lost my job! We have savings, but it would not be good". Definitely gets tunnel vision when money is involved. I'm going to find some articles for him and show him what a 6 week old baby looks like. I think when he realizes that's still a little, tiny baby he will feel differently.

    Baby will be staying at our home with my Mom (and H works from home) so that definitely helps! @kat81 His suggestion is to plan on 6 weeks and extend to 8 if I feel I need it.

    I obviously worry about my emotional readiness to go back to work. I don't even mean things like that fact that I'll miss the baby a lot, that would happen even at 16 weeks. Just more hormone wise will I be able to come back to my full time job without breaking down or being stressed? I am going to suggest to him that I come back part time for at least the first week to ease me back into it. I feel incredibly confident in my skills at handling a baby, even a newborn, but I'm also a FTM who is a Cancer (emotional).

    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
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  • ChristinaWildChristinaWild member
    98% of the time, I have nothing but brags for my husband - I think he's a great man and a great father. But this other 2% is going to lead me to homicide if he's not careful. How hard is it to get up when your alarm goes off and get your @** to work on time? If you're late to work, then you're late getting home and I would occasionally like help with our high energy toddler in the evenings!! Grrr.

    @nda_roxybabe - 6 weeks seems so early! They're just still so tiny and need you so much at that age! I hope you can convince him that a few more weeks is necessary. I also second others on maybe trying to keep a few extra days of PTO if you can swing. There are so many illnesses and doctor's appointments the first year, that it can get overwhelming if you don't PTO left.

    Married:09/14/13 
    Baby 1-Born: 7/29/15
    Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
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  • Louise_BelcherLouise_Belcher member
    @nda_roxybabe I am sorry you are going through this. Deciding on maternity leave is hard and I can understand where your husband is coming from wanting to play it safe with your PTO and paycheck, but based on how caring he sounds be prepared for his tune to change as soon as the baby is here. With my first I had to return to work at 6 weeks and he felt too little to leave. DS stays home with either my mom or MIL depending on the day and I work part time. In the first few months there were so many changes going on with baby's schedule and getting back to emotionally feeling like myself. I am normally a cold robot and was an emotional mess during that time. So although physically you may have healed, hormones and emotions may be out of wack for some time.  If your mom will be watching baby at home you may get through with a few less sick days used compared to friends that are at daycare, but that depends on the kid. DS still hasn't been sick enough to need to go to the doctor. One very mild cold at 16 months. Hope you have good luck swaying him! 
    Pregnancy TickerDS1 8/15
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  • laurapalmierlaurapalmier member
    @nda_roxybabe I'm sorry that this is something you have to go through. I've mentioned this documentary before but it really emphasizes how crucial it is for parents, and especially mothers to be present in a baby's beginning. It's called the Beginning of Life.  North America doesn't place the proper value on raising a child, and your husband can't change that but it might help him understand how and why this is so important for you, your baby, and him! I hope you guys reach a happy compromise!
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
    @laurapalmier He loves documentaries, I will have us watch it! I think we will reach an agreement, he just needs to come around a bit.
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
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