SO Bitch & Brag (1.24)

SKZW

These are some of my favorite posts to read! Do you have something to brag about / vent about regarding your significant others this week?

nda_roxybabe

Brag: I slipped down a few stairs over the weekend and H immediately came running to make sure me AND baby were okay. He kept asking if we were okay, was baby moving, he was so concerned. It was adorable. (We're obviously okay)
Bitch: He thinks it's funny to grab my boobs whenever. I get that he loves that they're fuller, but dude! they're sensitive and sometimes I don't want to be touched!

kns1988

DH seems weirdly testy with me today for no reason, but then he wants my company (like, why are you back in the bedroom; can I sit back here with you? Will you run to the post office with me?) You can't be testy and also want to hang out! 

laurapalmier

My bitch feels like a small one but it drives me nuts!  I've been doing a massive downsizing and reorganizing of all the closets (they've essentially become giant junk drawers) and our storage room. I've filled 4 garbage bags of stuff to donate and I'll show SO a sweater that he hasn't worn in at least two years and ask if he wants me to donate it and his reply is "I still like it." I was honest and told him "I've been getting rid of lots of stuff that I still like or think is fine, but if I haven't worn it for two seasons I realistically won't again." He's dealing with a lot at work right now so I'm not gonna say more than that, for now. It's just that I'm a ftm and we have mayyyybe 10% of what we will need to have for this baby and I'm already kind of panicking about where it's all gonna go. 
We are living in a really large open loft space so we only have one closed bedroom so baby will room in with us which is why clearing out closet/drawer space is essential. 

Doesn't help that my grammy bought a stuffed lamb for the baby that is super cute but takes up one whole rubbermaid bin loool 

starphish18

Brag: H has been working really hard on getting some projects around the house done before the baby arrives. I'm glad he's doing that. Along the same line...

Bitch: H has been doing random projects that I find completely pointless. Most recently? He spent hours (almost a whole day) making a press to turn paper scrap into bricks to start fires in our wood furnace. Dude, really? Just recycle the damn paper shreds and use newspaper and magazine pages like a normal person.

RainyDays86

@laurapalmier my H is the exact same way! He never gives anything away. He literally has a shirt that says "Spring Break 1996" on it.

mrsrep123

While at work yesterday I get a call from MH. I answer immediately thinking something's up. Nope, he said he missed me and wanted to hear my voice. 

kat81

Oh good, I was going to start this one if it wasn't up already!
Brag -- my husband made an amazing meal Sunday night. He thawed meat Friday in anticipation of us having it Sunday. On Sunday he and I were both out at different times of day for our hobbies. I didn't get back until after 8pm, and he had been doing the hard work of putting both kids to bed and serving them a different meal. Then he started dinner and made the whole thing. It had three dishes and was amazing, and also just what I needed in terms of my health. He is a great cook.

Jens_Hoes

Bitch: Hubby and I got into a nasty fight (over nothing) on Sunday which resulted in us yelling at one another.  

Brag: Since then, we have discussed the argument, and he has been way more attentive to the things that I am asking him to do.  Ex: bring his clothes upstairs after he showers (I know, sounds like he's my son, his mother ruined him), turned my car around in the garage yesterday so I could pull out not back down since we had an ice storm yesterday, there were others but I can't remember.  It is amazing not having to nag him to do things, it honestly makes our lives so much better.

BeachMommy2B

Brag: I have been so sick with a head cold/bronchitis and fiancé had been amazing. He's picked up the slack with DD and not giving me "too much" grief about it. I just really hope he or DD doesn't catch what I have, because it really stinks! 

pshaortao

Brag: DH has been better in general. We were having issues for awhile in term of who does what and how much, and lack of thank yous. I kept up on my end on trying to be better about my parts and to acknowledge anything he does. He is finally starting to do the same and I'm really appreciative of it. Last night he thanked me for having dinner ready and for being able to come home to a clean kitchen, and he actually cleaned up most everything afterward. Can this happen everyday? 

nda_roxybabe

I think I've mentioned before that H has apparently bought a gift for my baby shower? Well he apparently has bought more because he said I have gifts coming and to be careful checking the mail. Literally no idea what he could be buying, but it's pretty darn cute.

OmegaRose3

Bitch: DH woke me up from a nap by pinching my butt repeatedly...it was not appreciated

Brag: He stoped to get me juice before my doctors appointment, made it to the appointment on time (he's been bad about time managment this pregnancy) and he got me lunch afterwards...now if I had only gotten a nap it would have been perfect lol

bubsalicious

Does my bitch need to be full sentences? Because UGH! Just UGH! Lazy! Half ass everything! Then be pissy when I say having help would be nice! UGH! Just UGH! Either ignores me or stands there staring at me like an idiot while I struggle. UGH.

Jkp7749

Brag: dh went to four stores to find a rectal thermometer for dd AND picked up dinner and never once complained. 

Bitch: he talks sooooo loud right by her room when dd is sleeping and when i get frustrated bc i panic and think im going to have to soothe her, he keeos doing it to egg me on. 

achays11

I caught MH's bronchitis that he had last week. While he was sick, I wasn't the most attentive wife, but I did make sure that DD didn't bother him and got her out of the house so he could rest. He mentioned that I didn't take care of him and I felt really bad. I have been posted up on the couch since last night and he has been so great. Doing everything for DD, asking if I need anything, and making sure that I am hydrated and warm. I know he still doesn't feel well himself, but I really appreciate everything that he's been doing for me. 

MrsFreeman2010

Naps have been a little hit or miss the last week for DD (we were out of town/traveling for two of the days, we were running errrands one day that cut into nap time, and she refused to nap two other times). She does pretty good when she doesn't nap, just gets silly goofy and a little crazy at bedtime. Well today she didn't nap and instead just laid in bed for two and a half hours talking. Tonight when DH got home she was basically bouncing off the walls crazy and he kept snapping at me, "well if someone would make her so she wouldn't act like this". What am I supposed to do?? I can't force her to close her eyes and sleep. I left her quietly in her room during nap time and she was having none of it. Then he lays her down for bed and she goes right to sleep and he says "wow that was real hard". Whatever.

chailife34

DW has been playing "school" with DD (20 months), practicing letters, numbers, shapes and colors. She's been super consistent and it's clear DD is learning a ton. So proud of her focus and daily commitment. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@Jkp7749  I say, if he wakes her, that's his time to figure out how to put her back down? Good practice for him.

llenadevida900

My H has been traveling a LOT for work in the past few months. So HE suggested we go for a date night! It's on Saturday and he romantically offered to get me a happy meal from McDonald's

hp_momma

Brag: Our laundry room is in the basement, which means lugging laundry up and down three flights of stairs. The other night I was just too exhausted so I left DHs uniforms downstairs in the laundry room. He has been picking his clothes out each day from the laundry room and hasn't complained about it! 
Vent: It would be nice if he could just pick up the damn laundry basket and bring the clothes upstairs instead! 

kat81

Can I do another brag? I was on my own last night because DH is in a play and was at rehearsal. We had cleaners coming today so it was sort of on me to tidy up the house to prepare since DH was gone. Well, I got tired and just couldn't do it. I went to bed. DH got home at midnight, executed on what needed to be done, and then did more work after that before going to bed. He still managed to wake up when we were getting up for the day. When I tried to apologize for leaving the house a mess, he said, "actually I thought it looked pretty good, and thank you for having the kids on your own last night!" DH is a super tidy person so there is no way it "looked pretty good" but I'll take it! (So yes, DH is a cook and a house manager/cleaner. He is also fully involved in the kids' business. And works full time in a job that pays way better than mine, thought that is really just a difference in our fields. Keeper!!! )

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@kat81  My husband hasn't acted in a play since HS.  Aside from that, I think we may be married to the same man.  Every time you talk about your DH, it reminds me of mine.  *said in the least creepy way possible*

inomniaparatus2

DH has been wanting to go to the movies so we decided yesterday we would go. Well after my appointment I was exhausted. I didn't sleep well the night before so instead of going to the movies we went home and napped for 3 hours. It was his one day off during the day while working in the evening and didn't complain about wasting the day and not doing something or going to the movies. 

Jens_Hoes

Another bitch:
I work until 7 every Wednesday and work at 8:45 Thursday morning. I drive 40 min to work so I don't get home til 7:45, and I cook all meals so I have to cook once I get home. 
Today hubby was at his sisters so I didn't have to cook him food, but didn't come home for when I was going to be home so I get home to an empty house. Have to take care of the dog, make dinner for myself. He gets home immediately poops and says I'm going in the living room. I try to talk to him about my day/his day (and mind you I went to the Ob today bc I'm having weird pain and he's yet to ask me about it), he tells me he'd rather watch YouTube on the tv, and "talk to me later" when I'm in bed trying to wind down for the night. Which I don't want. He continues to watch tv. I'm trying my hardest not to punch him in the crotch. 
Insert massive eye roll emoji. 

SKZW

@Jen_Shoes: It's been a half hour: Have you chatted with him yet about your appt.? If you haven't, try saying something along the lines of, before we're in bed I need to tell you about my day, and see what he says. If he's smart, he won't put you off again, otherwise the crotch-punching commences. 

Jens_Hoes

@SKZW we went upstairs and he did something innocuous and I kind of snapped at him. And I said you only think about yourself, and care about your stupid YouTube. And I said, what did I do today? And he forgot because he said got up and went to work? And I said went to the drs! And then he kind of shut up and asked me about everything and pretended to be interested when I talked about my bumping on here. So he survived sans crotch punching one more night. 

SKZW

Glad to hear you were able to chat. Hang in there. Boys are dumb.

OmegaRose3

I have another bitch to add...
So last night DH made one of our easy favorites, fried sausage and potatoes and this morning when I got up to clean the house, it was still sitting out. I was mad earlier and got over it, but now I'm super annoyed because I have nothing to do for dinner and I am starving. I guess DD and I will just eat PB&J. Ugh.

nda_roxybabe

I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.

He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 

WombThereItIs

@nda_roxybabe I'm sorry that sucks. 6 weeks I think I was still sleeping maybe 4 stretches of about 45 minutes a night. I will suggest you consider saving more than 3 days off though. Daycare is rough the first year and they can get sick a lot, I used a ton of leave for sick days in the first year and a half especially. 

starphish18

@nda_roxybabe Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I'd highly suggest rounding up some research or reputable sources online that talk about the importance of those first weeks and kindly showing them to H. And maybe some graphs showing standard paid maternity leave in areas other than the US. Even puppies can't be sold before 8 weeks in most states because we recognize the importance of those first weeks for development. My H was concerned when I first told him I wanted to be a SAHM. Once I laid out my argument, he was on board. Facts and figures really helped.

pshaortao

nda_roxybabe said:

I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.

He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 

Ugh not cool. And what if you end up with a c-section? That you will need 8 weeks off. He needs to be at least mentally prepared for that. 

Kipperoo

@nda_roxybabe , I'm sorry, that's a really annoying and unfair position you've been put in. While it is true that maternity policies in the US are ridiculously bad and many mothers go back to work after as little as 2 weeks, you won't know what you are dealing with as far as recovery until you get there. As PP mentioned, a C-section would probably require even more time than you've already got planned. 

kat81

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

@kat81  My husband hasn't acted in a play since HS.  Aside from that, I think we may be married to the same man.  Every time you talk about your DH, it reminds me of mine.  *said in the least creepy way possible*

aww!!! Then you, too, have an amazing husband and you should totally have three children! (I'm not kidding -- with any other spouse I could have imagined, I would have had to stop at two, but this guy really does his fair share -- more than it -- so it made the decision to go for 3 much easier.)

Also, as for the play, he only just got back into acting this past year, so you never know with your DH.... ;-)

kat81

nda_roxybabe said:

I've got a bitch: Tried to talk to H about my maternity leave. I'll get 4 weeks at 60% pay and have enough PTO to get me through 7.5 weeks. I think I should use my PTO to get my through 7 weeks and take a week unpaid. That way I have 3 PTO days for the rest of the year.

He, being the overly financially minded person who is obsessed with money that he is, does not understand or think that I need more than 6 weeks. He wants to just plan on me doing 6 weeks and that's that. I'm not thrilled. I want to do 8, not even 12, just 8. This is our first baby and I'm excited/ nervous and I have a 45ish min commute both ways, I want time with my baby. 

OK, nope nope nope nope your DH is wrong on this one.

I got what was basically 7 weeks (it was 8 weeks but there was so much pressure to return that I went back reduced time at 6 weeks) with #1 and it was bad. Even 8 weeks in was pretty bad. I didn't realize until #2, really, that I had had a difficult newborn. But still...I had also had a completely uncomplicated and healthy vaginal delivery, too, and massive support from my DH who was on leave much of this time, plus a nanny that started at that 5-6 week mark, and parents in town. It still royally sucked and I'm still bitter about it and still mentally hold it against my former supervisor. This was in 2010. With #2 I might have been able to go back that fast because she was easy, but luckily I had a longer leave and it just felt better. It felt right to return when she was 3 mo old, which is what I did.

I think 8 weeks is the right amount of time (well more is better, but 8 weeks if you're already dipping into unpaid time.)

Here's a question -- can you decide later? Can you take the 6 weeks, then take more PTO if needed, and then take unpaid time if needed after that?

Also what is included in PTO? Does that include sick time? I ask because with a baby you actually need more sick time than usual, because whenever they get sick or your daycare is closed or your nanny cancels or whatever, someone needs to cover (perhaps DH!) I'd be wary about leaving just 3 days left for the whole year, but I realize it is a tough call.

ETA: Has your husband done all of the math involved? Here's my take -- either you make enough money that it will be ok to take some weeks unpaid (from savings, etc), or your salary is small enough that it's not even all that much higher than the childcare you're paying for instead. You don't get to keep all of the salary that comes to you that week. You need to pay for someone to watch the baby.

nda_roxybabe

Thanks guys! H is typically super sweet and supportive, the problem is he just doesn't understand. In his mind I should physically be okay by 6 weeks (C section barring) and it'll be fine. He is so money focused (hello, Taurus) and the thought of me getting 4 weeks at only 60% pay stresses him out, let alone me taking anything unpaid. He said "what if I lost my job! We have savings, but it would not be good". Definitely gets tunnel vision when money is involved. I'm going to find some articles for him and show him what a 6 week old baby looks like. I think when he realizes that's still a little, tiny baby he will feel differently.

Baby will be staying at our home with my Mom (and H works from home) so that definitely helps! @kat81 His suggestion is to plan on 6 weeks and extend to 8 if I feel I need it.

I obviously worry about my emotional readiness to go back to work. I don't even mean things like that fact that I'll miss the baby a lot, that would happen even at 16 weeks. Just more hormone wise will I be able to come back to my full time job without breaking down or being stressed? I am going to suggest to him that I come back part time for at least the first week to ease me back into it. I feel incredibly confident in my skills at handling a baby, even a newborn, but I'm also a FTM who is a Cancer (emotional).

ChristinaWild

98% of the time, I have nothing but brags for my husband - I think he's a great man and a great father. But this other 2% is going to lead me to homicide if he's not careful. How hard is it to get up when your alarm goes off and get your @** to work on time? If you're late to work, then you're late getting home and I would occasionally like help with our high energy toddler in the evenings!! Grrr.

@nda_roxybabe - 6 weeks seems so early! They're just still so tiny and need you so much at that age! I hope you can convince him that a few more weeks is necessary. I also second others on maybe trying to keep a few extra days of PTO if you can swing. There are so many illnesses and doctor's appointments the first year, that it can get overwhelming if you don't PTO left.

Louise_Belcher

@nda_roxybabe I am sorry you are going through this. Deciding on maternity leave is hard and I can understand where your husband is coming from wanting to play it safe with your PTO and paycheck, but based on how caring he sounds be prepared for his tune to change as soon as the baby is here. With my first I had to return to work at 6 weeks and he felt too little to leave. DS stays home with either my mom or MIL depending on the day and I work part time. In the first few months there were so many changes going on with baby's schedule and getting back to emotionally feeling like myself. I am normally a cold robot and was an emotional mess during that time. So although physically you may have healed, hormones and emotions may be out of wack for some time.  If your mom will be watching baby at home you may get through with a few less sick days used compared to friends that are at daycare, but that depends on the kid. DS still hasn't been sick enough to need to go to the doctor. One very mild cold at 16 months. Hope you have good luck swaying him! 

laurapalmier

@nda_roxybabe I'm sorry that this is something you have to go through. I've mentioned this documentary before but it really emphasizes how crucial it is for parents, and especially mothers to be present in a baby's beginning. It's called the Beginning of Life.  North America doesn't place the proper value on raising a child, and your husband can't change that but it might help him understand how and why this is so important for you, your baby, and him! I hope you guys reach a happy compromise!

nda_roxybabe

@laurapalmier He loves documentaries, I will have us watch it! I think we will reach an agreement, he just needs to come around a bit.