Not sure how to address this situation...I know that hubby's family will want to throw me a baby shower (like they did bridal shower) whether it's his mom/sister(s)/sister-in-law or whomever. BUT I know that I want an early one for several reasons. They are 3 hours away and it'll be thrown there since that's where everyone lives (family/cousins/aunts/etc). I'm due in early April, I have a demanding job and am in graduate school and am high risk so I could deliver early. I'm off in December/January for work and graduate school so I thought mid January would be good.
BUT how do I bring this up if no one has yet offered? My bridal shower was 1 month before the wedding (which was very stressful since I teach) and sister in law was pregnant last year and it was thrown 3 weeks before her due date.
That's just not doable and extremely stressful to me....
Do I just have to wait until someone on his side brings it up....or can I nicely mention to someone "if there's going to be a shower, then x date would be good"? Maybe hubby can mention to his mom (in case anyone asks her)
Oh and my best friend has offered to throw a shower in our/my hometown (but that'll be for my immediate fam/close friends here, DH's side will want to throw one in their town since they're 3 hours away. Plus that's A LOT of people for my gf to host since his family is huge)
Re: Is it okay to request shower date? Person has not yet asked
Married: 07-2014
TTC #1: Since November 2015
Restarted TTC "count" Oct. 2016
due to previous issues.
***TW***
BFP: 11/4/2016
*TW*
Is it possible that if they throw one, it will be a surprise? If that would ever be the case, I'm assuming your DH will have some idea about it and will voice your scheduling dates to them.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
This may bring up a shower and last year they were mentioning a bridal shower 6 months before wedding but nothing happened until last minute, I can't deal with that at all....stress and the fact I might go early. SO I may have to be rude and decline until after.
I know it's so silly be these are the things that stress me out.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
Like PPs have said, it's really poor etiquette to bring it up, or go the round about way and have your H bring it up.
If you purchase what you will need for the baby now, you'll probably feel less stressed.
You'd like an early shower but you don't even know if anyone wants to throw one for you. So really, it's a non-issue until someone offers.
Focus on school and work and let the chips fall where they will fall. At the end of the day, it's just a party.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I agree completely hence me asking about asking. I will not. I will go with my friend who as soon as I found out I was pregnant offered to throw me a shower and she asked me what date, etc.
@BumpasaurusRex agreed, it is just a party but his family takes this all very seriously and likes to celebrate everything (huge extended fam).
I tried to decline a bridal shower (bc they threw us engagement party, short engagement and my bridesmaids were throwing me bachelorette party[they honored my wish of no bridal shower]) BUT DH and his mom said this is how family is. DH backed me though and we were insistent, no bridal shower. His mom pushed and pushed. It happened and it was not good (people I didn't know didn't say hi or introduce themselves to me, just went and talked to other family, date was not up to me and it was stressful bc of my job, nuts were served (I'm allergic), I sat alone at one point, was forced to wear veil, his mom took a pic of me opening each gift, digging through my things to see what I got/get pics)
I actually don't think it would be rude of you to decline, but I understand that a family who is really big on doing parties like this may feel put out if you refuse. In the event that it happens, you could fall back on the chance that you will deliver early -- how terrible you would feel if they went to ALL the trouble and expense of a shower for nothing if you deliver early -- and suggest that they throw a "meet the baby" party later in early summer. That might placate them.
OP, my baby was born on a Friday morning, just 2 hours before my work shower was supposed to happen, and I was supposed to have a family shower the next day on Saturday. He wasn't super early either, I was 37+5 when he was born. My shower hostesses just waited until the last minute for various reasons. I was a little bit bummed that I didn't get to actually celebrate with everyone, but I still was given all the gifts that I would have received. The only stressful part was finding time to write thank-yous with a newborn in the house, but everyone understood why they were a few weeks late getting in the mail. And honestly, the introvert in me was a little relieved to not be the center of attention at those showers that didn't end up happening.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
We are moving 3 hours away in early Feb for DH's job (we will still be 3 hours from his fam) and he talked to her about setting date. She said she'd talkd to people...she won't throw it but is asking a sister to?? I'm not sure.
Still no clue *shrugs* so it's annoying but at least I'll have one with my fam and close friends in my town before we move.
Hopefully they're able to figure out something that you're comfortable with that also works for his family. If they can't plan something before baby, then maybe they could do something a few weeks after baby arrives.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
I'd be the only one inconvenienced in 3rd trimester with a lot of other stress going on.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart