I'm amused by all the house talk. Some of you know that we are under contract for one now. My original ideal size is around 2400 (4br, 2.5ba) with at least .25 size lot so we can have a decent backyard. We love the backyard for our new house but I didn't realize until after we went under contract that its over 2600sq ft. Oops! But the layout matters most much more than the number. We'll see how I'm feeling about cleaning in a few months after we move in. Pinterest is my best friend right now, especially regarding organization ideas.
In regards to the kids restricted diets, I totally agree that some parents take it way too far and take the fun out of being a kid. BUT grandparents and other adults should honor parents *reasonable* demands. If I don't want my kid to have candy/cake before age 1 that's my choice as a parent and what I think is best. Same with the fact that I don't want my kids to have soda, and I'm proud that my 5 or 2 year old hasn't had a single drink or desire to try it! I can't stand that my MIL pushes the sweets and sofas on my kid because "that's what grandmas do" and then DH and I have to step in.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
In regards to the kids restricted diets, I totally agree that some parents take it way too far and take the fun out of being a kid. BUT grandparents and other adults should honor parents *reasonable* demands. If I don't want my kid to have candy/cake before age 1 that's my choice as a parent and what I think is best. Same with the fact that I don't want my kids to have soda, and I'm proud that my 5 or 2 year old hasn't had a single drink or desire to try it! I can't stand that my MIL pushes the sweets and sofas on my kid because "that's what grandmas do" and then DH and I have to step in.
This! My dad gets super annoying about how I'm not a fun parent because I don't give DD treats enough. My parents aren't exactly healthy especially him and neither is my MIL, so give us a break for trying to raise our kids with better eating habits. My mom, who visits more often, might be like come on but she will at least not push about it. Butttr FFTC: she does sneak brownies for her and me to share without DHS judgemental face around and I love her for doing that.
I never read or participate in the siggy challenges. I just now realized that @nda_roxybabe's house pic has nothing to do with this discussion. I also realized that I should give a siggy challenge a spin and I'm not sure I know how to upload a siggy. *off to find out*
Haha! My house siggy is pretty perfect for this thread though I am very opposite my parents in a lot of ways. I like big houses, fancy cars, and overly expensive things. Thanks goodness H is the same way so he *gets* it.
In regards to the kids restricted diets, I totally agree that some parents take it way too far and take the fun out of being a kid. BUT grandparents and other adults should honor parents *reasonable* demands. If I don't want my kid to have candy/cake before age 1 that's my choice as a parent and what I think is best. Same with the fact that I don't want my kids to have soda, and I'm proud that my 5 or 2 year old hasn't had a single drink or desire to try it! I can't stand that my MIL pushes the sweets and sofas on my kid because "that's what grandmas do" and then DH and I have to step in.
This! My dad gets super annoying about how I'm not a fun parent because I don't give DD treats enough. My parents aren't exactly healthy especially him and neither is my MIL, so give us a break for trying to raise our kids with better eating habits. My mom, who visits more often, might be like come on but she will at least not push about it. Butttr FFTC: she does sneak brownies for her and me to share without DHS judgemental face around and I love her for doing that.
I agree, I was more so talking about parties or school events or something where it would be ok to indulge once partly so that the child does not feel left out. I thought not having candy or cake prior to 1 year old was the norm? I just sometimes feel bad for the kids if the parents are crazy restrictive
Okay yeah parties and events, indulge away if you don't have any restrictions. My dad on the other hand wants to indulge every damn day.
Then there are people who do cross the line. There was a mom in my last BMB that started giving her LO oreos at 4 months after it was labeled as failure to thrive and she showed off with pics. Without going into more deyails.. she wasn't very welcome after.
In regards to the kids restricted diets, I totally agree that some parents take it way too far and take the fun out of being a kid. BUT grandparents and other adults should honor parents *reasonable* demands. If I don't want my kid to have candy/cake before age 1 that's my choice as a parent and what I think is best. Same with the fact that I don't want my kids to have soda, and I'm proud that my 5 or 2 year old hasn't had a single drink or desire to try it! I can't stand that my MIL pushes the sweets and sofas on my kid because "that's what grandmas do" and then DH and I have to step in.
I agree with this, mostly because my MIL and mother both accused me of being "mean" for not allowing my under 1 year old to eat candy or drink soda. I think those are reasonable expectations. I was more speaking to parents who are overly restrictive in social situations when the kids are older. I feel like it's doing more harm than good in not allowing your poor 3 year old to have a cupcake at a birthday party. I think it can create unhealthy eating habits in the long run, where your child is sneaking sweets like drugs, instead of learning to make choices in moderation.
Treats are fine, but there has to be some common sense with treats for kids. I went out to lunch with the Minnesota ladies in my first BMB when DD was like 4-5 months old. One lady was giving her baby French fries! She said that he ate them all the time. The kid is now allergic to everything. I can't help but wonder if it's related to the feeding choices she made when he was little (obviously not just the French fries).
May Siggy Challenge: Labor Memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10 DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI) BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
@MoshiMoshi7 and @Jen_Shoes I totally agree with the parties, that's why I said "reasonable expectations" and I was talking more along the lines of my MIL haha. You would think that no soda or candy before 1 was the norm but unfortunately my SIL had no problem giving her 6 month old suckers, cookies, fruit punch, and soda so my MIL thought it would be ok that she should give it my kids. It's also the reason why my DH is so adamant about no soda because he grew up with a household that was basically addicted to soda and he doesn't want that for his kids. I mean my MIL has 3 Big Gulps every day of soda. It's excessive!
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
@pshaortao that is crazy and so sad. My ILs are also really bad about overindulging. They really have no concept of nutrition and don't understand why I don't want DS drinking tons of juice and eating pastries for breakfast every morning at their house.
I agreed with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot in her UO about ran doms who only post on certain threads, and agree with her again that the people posting on this thread don't fall into these categories. The people on this thread who were worried about being randoms, I recognize all of you right away, so you definitely aren't!
I'm a lot like @nda_roxybabe I like a big houses, nice cars and to splurge on nice things sometimes. We moved to our house 2.5 years ago and I love the space. I was hesitant about a big house at first but H was set on it. It's a little over 4,000 sq ft and right now there are only two humans and 2 dogs. We live a little out of town in order to have a large yard and trees surrounding so we have lots of privacy and I don't have to hear my neighbors next door. I grew up in a medium sized house and there wasn't any extra space to be away from my parents or have friends over so with our house we have a finished basement the kids can have their toys and friends over. We can be together but not on top of each other. I also host a girls weekend every year of 10 girls which luckily we have the space plus for holiday gatherings it's nice to have space.
I also agree that parents who restrict their child to a paleo or non-meat non-dairy (pending allergies) are selfish. My H told me about a child recently that was taken away from his parents because he was severely malnourished. He was on a paleo or vegan diet. An adult is informed to make that decision and must consciously make an effort to get all the nutrients. Children cannot make that decision.
After yesterday's gender discussion, I have a UO. Now, I 100% agree on the whole idea that kids are gendered too early and often very inappropriately. Whatever sex this child is, they can dress however they like and play with whatever toys they like. However, I think that knowing the sex of your baby and not telling anyone in order to manipulate what types of gifts you receive feels disingenuous. Once baby arrives, it won't stop them from buying clothes with absurd words on them. The only thing that might have a chance is telling people you don't want them. Which you can do before or after baby arrives. Or worst case, return the items. In general I think it's best to be upfront with people about your general style. But in the end, a gift is a gift and people are probably going to buy what they want
Haha! My house siggy is pretty perfect for this thread though I am very opposite my parents in a lot of ways. I like big houses, fancy cars, and overly expensive things. Thanks goodness H is the same way so he *gets* it.
Ooh...although I prefer small houses and practical but nice cars, I am riiiiight there with you on liking overly expensive things. Handbags, shoes, coats, hair/beauty products...I think I could have doubled the down payment on our little house by selling my handbag collection. Mostly kidding...but I do love high quality (typically pricey) personal items. The benefit is that they seem to last FOREVER.
Agree. However, I was team green w/ DD. Because gift-givers felt they couldn't possible give me neutral clothes, we got way more non-clothing baby gifts. That was nice because for the short window that I got to dress DD before she developed the dreaded opinions, I got to dress her in the style of stuff I wanted her to wear. Yes, after birth we still get lots of ruffles and sequins and yes she still prefers to wear those things. But for that short window I had my cute little hipster and mostly non-pink wearing DD to dress up as my own personal not-too-girly Barbie.
Haha i know what you mean @Kipperoo. My husband always says that if you put 5 things in front of me and ask me which is my favorite, I will always choose the most expensive thing. Good quality items are always pricey!
We're battling now because he doesn't think we "need" furniture from PB Kids. Of course we don't "need" it, but I damn well want it!
@cato99 I agree with you on sex reveal parties. I also think people should be allocated a certain number of "center of attention" parties during their lifetime, but the internet keeps creating new ones.
I'm with the people who wouldn't want to live in a big house. I can appreciate big houses for other people (I love watching HGTV), but I really, really hate McMansions. I like this guy's explanation of them: https://www.mcmansionhell.com/101
My UO is that I don't think babies have to be expensive. People love to tell pregnant women how expensive babies are, and the 3 main things they mention are formula, diapers, and daycare. I know breastfeeding might not work out, but I plan to breastfeed, I plan to cloth diaper, and DH is going to be stay at home for most of the year so we won't need daycare. So I get that babies can be expensive, but everyone scoffs at me when I say I don't think they have to be.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot oh I don't have a problem with team green. I think there's something super special about that delivery room surprise! (Not at all for the type A planner that I am but to each her own!) I was more taking about the several/many people who have discussed finding out the sex and keeping it a secret. I'm not sure why that's the line that feels weird to me, but it is! No real judgement it just feels kinda manipulative.
@kns1988 the problem I see with your cheap baby argument is that staying home doesn't erase daycare costs. If both parents make more than daycare costs it would actually be more expensive to stay home. It would be financially insane if I stayed home but it is also expensive to spend almost $30k a year in daycare once I have this second kiddo. Either way it is a big adjustment.
@ChristinaWild I like our PB kid's stuff and really it's cheaper than a lot of comparable brands like Land of Nod or RH. We have the Fillmore (I think) and a dresser plus a 4 cube organizer and I really like it.
WombThereItIs we live off of just my income and save DH's. I know the situation isn't the same for everyone, but that's why it just bothers me when people are so insistent that kids are expensive. It's different for everyone.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@kns1988 I 100% agree with you in the babies being expensive thing, we were very frugal with DD as a newborn and this baby will be even less expensive because I saved the items I liked. It's not a horrible financial burden, you just have to be smart and know your budget.
My UO, I hate when other people correct my toddler. I'm sitting right here, yes I can see she's playing with my shoe, no, I don't give a flying F so you shouldn't either. If she's doing something dangerous and I don't see it, by all means...But she's 1.5, if she gets in my pantry and plays with canned soup or takes the spray bottle to spray in her face (not sure why, but she loves it) it's not the end of the world. That's what babies do. Also I clean up after my kid and it's my house so...yeah that got ranty really fast...
Kids are expensive. If breastfeeding doesn't work out, formula is expensive. If you cloth diaper, the diapers are expensive and you are spending more on water/electricity/soap for the laundry. And, whatever your DH makes, a year's salary is a lot to spend on one kid. Other expenses: birthing a child with or without any complications, new clothes as they grow several times in the first year, baby equipment (even if you get just a few things).... I could go on. This is my second kid and I still need a few high dollar things (double stroller, new monitor, new bottle nipples and pacifiers, probably a new (insurance funded) pump). And let's not forget the new clothes I'll need post-birth until I hopefully can squeeze back in to my pre-birth wardrobe.
@KMD1106 I'm right there with you on team fake tree...there was an incident in my childhood with the real tree catching fire and that's pretty much cI red me of ever wanting a real tree in my own home, pretty but too much hassle
The hospital bill from having a baby sure is expensive. I had to pay my minimum family deductible this year and I will have to next year after the birth. $5,000. Some people I know have to pay more and obviously some less.
Edited because... on the topic of the trees.. I've had my real tree up for less than 6 days and I've vacuumed over 10x. At this point my vacuume is living in my living room... Darn needles keep falling! Smells nice though...
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot@lrwardrop - A big ol' YEP to expensive mama and baby care during pregnancy and at the hospital. I think we paid my OB around $800. for all of my appointments (not including lab costs for various tests) and maybe $5K to the hospital. We beefed up our insurance policy for next year, and I HOPE we come out better this time when it's all said and done.
I think babies CAN be expensive, but it really depends on the individual, their taste and how they manage their spending. We lean more toward cheap as in stocking up a ton when there's a great deal (aka 10 boxes of diapers when they have their save 50 when you spend 250 and save 10 for each 2 boxes of diapers - get 100 total in gift cards). We get a lot of hand me downs instead of buying stuff brand new and they look just as new.
And completely unrelated to babies but I totally stocked up on toilet papers tonight at Target at 30% off. I had not bought TP since the beginning of the year and we're finally running low.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot oh I don't have a problem with team green. I think there's something super special about that delivery room surprise! (Not at all for the type A planner that I am but to each her own!) I was more taking about the several/many people who have discussed finding out the sex and keeping it a secret. I'm not sure why that's the line that feels weird to me, but it is! No real judgement it just feels kinda manipulative.
Defending my position on this one. We found out the sex, but do not plan on telling others. Here's why:
1. I want other people to enjoy the surprise. I'm a planner, but I recognize that the moment of reveal at a birth can be really special. I want our parents, for instance, to still have that exciting moment.
2. Yes, we want to avoid gender specific gifts. I don't see why that's manipulative. I hear all the time that people will still buy gender specific clothes and items, even if you request for them not to. If they don't know the sex, they won't... And for them, how is that any different than if we were team green?
Yes, of course people could buy gender specific gifts after the birth. However, the people who are gifting after the baby shower and birth are likely the people closest to me, who are going to respect my wishes to not do that. Not a random third cousin or friend of my mom's friend.
3. People are so dang Intrusive with pregnant women. It's like normal social barriers don't exist. They ask personal questions, give unwarranted advice, touch your belly... I'm a private person. I don't think anyone HAS to know the sex of my baby, even if I do.
@starphish18 I truly do not meant to be offensive to you! I know that you're not alone in your opinion/position. I am curious - does your family know that you know? I can only imagine the insane amount of questions/pestering if so!
@ShadeofGreen816 Don't worry, I'm not offended. I don't expect everyone to have the same opinions as me. Our family has been very respectful. We told them we know, but that we'd like to keep it a surprise, and everyone was supportive. No one has even pushed it at all. My husband was worried his mom would be too curious and would want to know, but she didn't seem remotely upset about it. Our parents are just thrilled about a grandchild.
@starphish18 I think if they know you know it seems better to me. (Where do all these random rules/lines in the sand come from?? Hahaha) I'm glad your family is respecting your decision - I can't imagine our families would feel that way!!
@ShadeofGreen816 I think if our immediate family was upset, we'd rethink our position. And honestly, we're open to changing our minds about it further on. But right now, this feels like the right decision for us. And I agree, it would be a different matter if people were upset about it.
On the expense thing, I feel like this baby will be less expensive. As: a FTM I felt he need to have EVERYTHING... then realized for the first three months I used maybe 4 of the major items: car seat, stroller, mamaroo, crib... this time I'm getting things user, on sale, etc. we didn't keep anything from DD because we didn't think we were having any more. Oh I'm also stocking up on diapers so that I will not have to purchase any during my maternity leave (hopefully).
Re: UO Thursday
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
Then there are people who do cross the line. There was a mom in my last BMB that started giving her LO oreos at 4 months after it was labeled as failure to thrive and she showed off with pics. Without going into more deyails.. she wasn't very welcome after.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
You would think that no soda or candy before 1 was the norm but unfortunately my SIL had no problem giving her 6 month old suckers, cookies, fruit punch, and soda so my MIL thought it would be ok that she should give it my kids. It's also the reason why my DH is so adamant about no soda because he grew up with a household that was basically addicted to soda and he doesn't want that for his kids. I mean my MIL has 3 Big Gulps every day of soda. It's excessive!
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
I agreed with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot in her UO about ran doms who only post on certain threads, and agree with her again that the people posting on this thread don't fall into these categories. The people on this thread who were worried about being randoms, I recognize all of you right away, so you definitely aren't!
I also agree that parents who restrict their child to a paleo or non-meat non-dairy (pending allergies) are selfish. My H told me about a child recently that was taken away from his parents because he was severely malnourished. He was on a paleo or vegan diet. An adult is informed to make that decision and must consciously make an effort to get all the nutrients. Children cannot make that decision.
Agree. However, I was team green w/ DD. Because gift-givers felt they couldn't possible give me neutral clothes, we got way more non-clothing baby gifts. That was nice because for the short window that I got to dress DD before she developed the dreaded opinions, I got to dress her in the style of stuff I wanted her to wear. Yes, after birth we still get lots of ruffles and sequins and yes she still prefers to wear those things. But for that short window I had my cute little hipster and mostly non-pink wearing DD to dress up as my own personal not-too-girly Barbie.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
We're battling now because he doesn't think we "need" furniture from PB Kids. Of course we don't "need" it, but I damn well want it!
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
I'm with the people who wouldn't want to live in a big house. I can appreciate big houses for other people (I love watching HGTV), but I really, really hate McMansions. I like this guy's explanation of them: https://www.mcmansionhell.com/101
My UO is that I don't think babies have to be expensive. People love to tell pregnant women how expensive babies are, and the 3 main things they mention are formula, diapers, and daycare. I know breastfeeding might not work out, but I plan to breastfeed, I plan to cloth diaper, and DH is going to be stay at home for most of the year so we won't need daycare. So I get that babies can be expensive, but everyone scoffs at me when I say I don't think they have to be.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@ChristinaWild I like our PB kid's stuff and really it's cheaper than a lot of comparable brands like Land of Nod or RH. We have the Fillmore (I think) and a dresser plus a 4 cube organizer and I really like it.
May '17 labor memes
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
My UO, I hate when other people correct my toddler. I'm sitting right here, yes I can see she's playing with my shoe, no, I don't give a flying F so you shouldn't either. If she's doing something dangerous and I don't see it, by all means...But she's 1.5, if she gets in my pantry and plays with canned soup or takes the spray bottle to spray in her face (not sure why, but she loves it) it's not the end of the world. That's what babies do. Also I clean up after my kid and it's my house so...yeah that got ranty really fast...
As you can tell, I like to spend money.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
@KMD1106 I'm right there with you on team fake tree...there was an incident in my childhood with the real tree catching fire and that's pretty much cI red me of ever wanting a real tree in my own home, pretty but too much hassle
Edited because...
on the topic of the trees.. I've had my real tree up for less than 6 days and I've vacuumed over 10x. At this point my vacuume is living in my living room... Darn needles keep falling! Smells nice though...
And completely unrelated to babies but I totally stocked up on toilet papers tonight at Target at 30% off. I had not bought TP since the beginning of the year and we're finally running low.
1. I want other people to enjoy the surprise. I'm a planner, but I recognize that the moment of reveal at a birth can be really special. I want our parents, for instance, to still have that exciting moment.
2. Yes, we want to avoid gender specific gifts. I don't see why that's manipulative. I hear all the time that people will still buy gender specific clothes and items, even if you request for them not to. If they don't know the sex, they won't... And for them, how is that any different than if we were team green?
Yes, of course people could buy gender specific gifts after the birth. However, the people who are gifting after the baby shower and birth are likely the people closest to me, who are going to respect my wishes to not do that. Not a random third cousin or friend of my mom's friend.
3. People are so dang Intrusive with pregnant women. It's like normal social barriers don't exist. They ask personal questions, give unwarranted advice, touch your belly... I'm a private person. I don't think anyone HAS to know the sex of my baby, even if I do.