February 2017 Moms

FFFC 8/26

24

Re: FFFC 8/26

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  • blush64 said:
    @Jlk2016 All is good. :) it's expected we will all disagree on things at least sometimes. I admit I did take it a bit personal because those were my personal decisions. That being said, it's not a big deal.
    I appreciate that, thank you! 

    Having a 20, 17, 14 and 2 year old myself, this second time around thing is just "different"! Makes me feel young and alive again.... Maybe that's why I (personally) need a night away every once in awhile! Ha!
  • @poetryandoceans What are you getting your masters/phd in?
  • @homemake It's in English literary studies, but I'm looking at poetry about motherhood, so a lot of my background research was on parenting/mothering trends over the years and how that may have influenced poetry about motherhood and its reception. 
  • .....
    I know I have one girlfriend who is already side-eyeing my plan to occasionally leave baby with my husband at 6m+ to get out of the house and maintain my sense of myself outside of parenting.....

    Stuck in the Box

    ^^^^^ Da fuq??? Your friend needs to take a chill pill.


  • Super interesting @poetryandoceans! And LOL at your friend side-eyeing a few hours away at 6 months! Yikes! My H is taking a few weeks of FMLA when I go back to work at week 13! I will definitely do some more Googling on this subject. 

    For science, my parents never left me alone overnight. They just didn't want to or see a need. I am independent to a fault and they are madly in love after 33 years of marriage. I would love to have nights away with my own child, but probably won't have the opportunity until sleepover age. Both local grandmas are helping with midweek care, so I can't really ask more of them, and there are no aunts and uncles. We'll hire a good sitter for nights out, but overnights with a non-family sitter would be out of our price range. 

    My FFFC: I'm feeling some guilt about the amount of daydreaming I do about "selfish" things I'm interested in for next year, like getting back to diving or marathon training. I know these things may not be realistic once the baby is here, but I can't shut my brain down from going there. 
  • Jlk2016 said:
    I'm not really understanding all the sarcasm when all I did was point out something you said. 
    You are clearly feeling very defensive, so I'm going to let this one lie. 
    And I agreed! Where's the sarcasm????? You told me to calm my tits and I laughed, and said you always make me smile!!! maybe I'm missing something, isn't that supposed to be funny? 

    Please note, I'm not defensive, I've stated that I stand by my comment. That's not defensive. 

    @Gingersnap I'm sorry if I offended you by laughing at your tits comment. My apologies.
    You weren't being sarcastic? See, this even comes across as sarcastic to me. 
    I guess I just don't read your tone as intended. 

  • ladyoriza said:
    My 3 year old stays overnight with my mom a few Fridays a month. I did the same with my grandmother. To this day, she is one of my closest friends. I can only hope my son and my mom have the same relationship. It works for us. 

    FFFC: I know my conception date because my mom had my son that Friday. It was the only time that month that she had him. So now you know how we spend our kid free time. haha
    Ha! This is us too! Although it may not have been a Friday. 
  • Super interesting @poetryandoceans! And LOL at your friend side-eyeing a few hours away at 6 months! Yikes! My H is taking a few weeks of FMLA when I go back to work at week 13! I will definitely do some more Googling on this subject. 

    For science, my parents never left me alone overnight. They just didn't want to or see a need. I am independent to a fault and they are madly in love after 33 years of marriage. I would love to have nights away with my own child, but probably won't have the opportunity until sleepover age. Both local grandmas are helping with midweek care, so I can't really ask more of them, and there are no aunts and uncles. We'll hire a good sitter for nights out, but overnights with a non-family sitter would be out of our price range. 

    My FFFC: I'm feeling some guilt about the amount of daydreaming I do about "selfish" things I'm interested in for next year, like getting back to diving or marathon training. I know these things may not be realistic once the baby is here, but I can't shut my brain down from going there. 
    but see this is what I am talking about EXACTLY!!!  That is NOT selfish for you to want to continue those things and they should absolutely be realistic!!! That is the "unhealthy" part. Just because we become mothers, does NOT mean me stop living for ourselves and our own dreams, passions and desires! 

    As as for the grandparents helping midweek and may not be interested in keeping baby overnight, it certainly doesn't hurt to ask. Some of my moms favorite moments with my kids was nighttime baths, reading bedtime stories and morning chaos! I'm thankful I didn't rob her (or my kids) of those memories.
  • Jlk2016 said:
    @BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

    I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

    This is hilarious.
    Personal dig or not, you pretty much made a blanket judgment for each person here who hasn't left their kids overnight with someone other than the parents and labeled us as 'unhealthy'.  Whether it was your intention or not, it's what it was.  Certainly you are entitled to your opinion but you came across as superior and condescending, especially when you note that 'this is hilarious.'

    It's not sitting well with me.



    Big Bro 7/14/13
    Little Bro 2/6/17

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  • Jlk2016 said:

    but see this is what I am talking about EXACTLY!!!  That is NOT selfish for you to want to continue those things and they should absolutely be realistic!!! That is the "unhealthy" part. Just because we become mothers, does NOT mean me stop living for ourselves and our own dreams, passions and desires! 

    As as for the grandparents helping midweek and may not be interested in keeping baby overnight, it certainly doesn't hurt to ask. Some of my moms favorite moments with my kids was nighttime baths, reading bedtime stories and morning chaos! I'm thankful I didn't rob her (or my kids) of those memories.
    I am sad I only have but one love-tit to give for this. 
    Honestly, I probably am going to do those things. I just struggle with the guilt about it a little bit. Particularly the marathon training, because those long runs will really dominate weekends for a while. With diving, I have a history of letting it dominate my life to unhealthy levels in the past. It was something I had to navigate early in my relationship with H. He's supportive of my passion, but it got tiresome for him when it was an every weekend thing and we never had time to just chill. I'm a bit more of an on-the-go person than him and we had to correlate our energy levels a bit, but we got there. Don't worry, I won't stop pursuing my passions and interests. I can't help myself.

    Re. the grandparents, our dynamic with our families is that we don't ask for help, we take it if it is offered. We didn't ask for the midweek care, it was offered. If either grandma wants overnights, I will absolutely take them up on it. They won't hesitate to tell us! I do think those are great memories for my child to have if it works out.
  • Jlk2016 said:
    @BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

    I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

    This is hilarious.
    Personal dig or not, you pretty much made a blanket judgment for each person here who hasn't left their kids overnight with someone other than the parents and labeled us as 'unhealthy'.  Whether it was your intention or not, it's what it was.  Certainly you are entitled to your opinion but you came across as superior and condescending, especially when you note that 'this is hilarious.'

    It's not sitting well with me.
    Yeah, it's been proven that not much I say around here "sits well" with you or a few others, I'm ok with that. Don't let it ruin your day.
     If you're a great mom and you know it, no need to be offended, seriously. 
    The OP who was being defended has already agreed it wasn't a personal dig and there really isn't much reason to blow it out of context if you're confident in your parenting @BumpasaurusRex

    what is hilarious, is that any time I do have an opinion, it's the same select few that don't agree with it and try making a big deal about it, that's all! 

    Im a confident woman and mother and don't seek approval from others, especially ones  I don't know. I refuse to love tit all of someone's posts just to "fit in" and I'm strong enough to defend my opinions and what I believe in. I don't come onto the Internet to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings or demean their parenting, it's simply an opinion and/or confession. I have apologized if OP and anyone else took it personally, and that's as far as I'll go.

    like I said, don't let it ruin your day. I'm sure that you are an ideal mother in your world, with your children, in your home, and as long as your family is thriving, then girl, more power to you! Don't give MY OPINION that much power that it just "doesn't sit well" and let it stew on you, it's not worth it.
  • @Jlk2016 All I can say is you're very lucky that you have parents who take care of kids so well.  You already know the situation about my in-laws. As for my parents, they're quite older and are tired. My mom will play with her grandchildren for a little bit, but she can't take care of them anymore.  


  • I guess I see both sides of the spectrum here. I didn't read too much into @Jlk2016's original post but I do see how it was offensive now. 

    While I was working, DS went for sleepovers at his grandparents a lot less than he does now because I wanted to spend as much time with him and H as possible. I worked evenings and 1 weekend out 2 (praise the nursing life) and so I only got to see him mornings before daycare and my days and weekends off. It was really hard.

    Since getting pregnant, I've been put on preventive leave and I'm with my family every day. While I love spending time with my son, I'm ok with leaving him with his grandparents or friends for a few hours here and there or overnight. I had him home with me a lot this summer and it's been nice to get a Saturday off from parenting every once in a while. Having date nights with H and sleeping in is GLORIOUS.
    *************
    First BFP: 12/16/13
    EDD: 08/23/14
    Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
  • I didn't ready through all the comments, but I think I might be on the rare side that we've sent my son to my moms once a month since he was about three months old. My husband worked nights and I worked days. We wouldn't see eachother during the week as he'd already be at work when I was getting work. My son adores my mom and loves going over to their house. I've had friends judge us for it, but it's the only alone time my husband and I get together and the only time my parents get to see their grandson because of how far we live from eachother. 

    We have two sleeping beauties in heaven.
    Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. 
    Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
    They will be forever missed. <3
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  • Jlk2016 said:
    @BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

    I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

    This is hilarious.
    Personal dig or not, you pretty much made a blanket judgment for each person here who hasn't left their kids overnight with someone other than the parents and labeled us as 'unhealthy'.  Whether it was your intention or not, it's what it was.  Certainly you are entitled to your opinion but you came across as superior and condescending, especially when you note that 'this is hilarious.'

    It's not sitting well with me.
    waaaaaiit a minute!!! Where did I say this??? Because that is just plain false . Haha! I never once said who you should or shouldn't leave your kids with @BumpasaurusRex
  • In response to @bdesterhouse :

    I don't get what the heck is so wrong about leaving your kids with someone you trust so you can have some me time. Especially, even if it's just your husband or your own parents.  Who are these judgemental people? 


  • Jlk2016 said:
    Jlk2016 said:
    @BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

    I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

    This is hilarious.
    Personal dig or not, you pretty much made a blanket judgment for each person here who hasn't left their kids overnight with someone other than the parents and labeled us as 'unhealthy'.  Whether it was your intention or not, it's what it was.  Certainly you are entitled to your opinion but you came across as superior and condescending, especially when you note that 'this is hilarious.'

    It's not sitting well with me.
    waaaaaiit a minute!!! Where did I say this??? Because that is just plain false . Haha! I never once said who you should or shouldn't leave your kids with @BumpasaurusRex
    I think she means mom and dad. Like, the kids mom and dad. 
  • Jlk2016 said:
    Jlk2016 said:
    @BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

    I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

    This is hilarious.
    Personal dig or not, you pretty much made a blanket judgment for each person here who hasn't left their kids overnight with someone other than the parents and labeled us as 'unhealthy'.  Whether it was your intention or not, it's what it was.  Certainly you are entitled to your opinion but you came across as superior and condescending, especially when you note that 'this is hilarious.'

    It's not sitting well with me.
    waaaaaiit a minute!!! Where did I say this??? Because that is just plain false . Haha! I never once said who you should or shouldn't leave your kids with @BumpasaurusRex
    I think she means mom and dad. Like, the kids mom and dad. 
    Yeah, I don't recall saying WHO you should or shouldn't leave your kids with, that's what I was questioning.
  • Ok you wanna hear unhealthy...I know someone who had 1 child (and a spouse but the relationship was very obviously strained...keep reading). She SLEPT with this kid until she was at least 13, didn't spend a waking second away from her unless kid was in school and even then, she volunteered at the schools. They had a very close and "open" family, like literally open...they would use the bathroom with the door open.  As the poor girl got older she really wanted her space. I remember talking to her mom when she was at least in middle school and she was talking about how she goes in and helps and I'm like you still don't let her have any space???!  And the kids there rolling her eyes going "yesssssssssss STILL!"  The mom's like "Oh yes...I can't be away from her..."

    So....to each their own of course. But some things really are just unhealthy. And I didn't have to see this kid suffering to recognize it.
  • Cheeeseeeecaaaaaakeeee. Mmmmmmm now I want a cheese Danish from Pan-e-ra!!


  • @ohstars I'm not being judgey, I'm truly sorry if it came off that way and please don't feel guilt about leaving your child when you go to work.... You're doing that to provide a better life for your family, you're making sacrifices and the last thing you need to feel is guilt. 

    With that being said, would you honestly not love a night away with just your SO every once in awhile? Even if it was just to take a nap, together? Lol! ;)
  • homemake said:
    My FFFC: I'm feeling super insecure about my body these days. Give me a few more weeks and a more definable bump and I'll be in a better mindset. 
    If it makes you feel any better me too. I am a chubby person, but one thing that I had was a small waist most of my weight is on the butt and thighs, but now I am gaining wait in my waist.... bahh. I cannot wait till it looks like I am prego instead of just being fat. 


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    MC 10.23.15 @ 10 weeks
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