FFFC 8/26

musicinmysoul17

Let's hear some confessions ladies!

fourPsinapod

I don't watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I watched a few episodes years back with my sister who was obsessed and it was not appealing to me at all. Idk to each their own. 

skiingstark

fourPsinapod said:

I don't watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I watched a few episodes years back with my sister who was obsessed and it was not appealing to me at all. Idk to each their own. 

Yes, I hate Bachelor/Bachelorette. My mom loves it....

Vastra

skiingstark said:

fourPsinapod said:

I don't watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I watched a few episodes years back with my sister who was obsessed and it was not appealing to me at all. Idk to each their own. 

Yes, I hate Bachelor/Bachelorette. My mom loves it....

Never seen two seconds of it. But (ahem, FFFC) DH and I have watched almost all of Mako Mermaids. 

beharrington

Vastra said:

Never seen two seconds of it. But (ahem, FFFC) DH and I have watched almost all of Mako Mermaids. 

Lurker here from February 2016 (reliving the good ol' days).  I have watched all of the Mako Mermaids series on Netflix.  Mostly while breastfeeding at random hours of the night.

Gingersnap

fourPsinapod said:

I don't watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I watched a few episodes years back with my sister who was obsessed and it was not appealing to me at all. Idk to each their own. 

I only watch the hot mess beginning when there's a ton of women crying and being nuts. Once it's pared down to five or so I lose interest. This is my first time watching Bachelor Paradise and I'm loving the train wreck being continuous. 
I also love the Housewives for the same reason. 

Gingersnap

Since hitting 2nd tri, I have regained quite a bit of energy. I had all these plans and projects, and with the kid being in school and H out of the country I have ample opportunity. 
Instead, I have been binge watching shows, reading books or strolling my favorite stores. 
SAHM/W of the year! 

jab3-2

I hate wearing underwear and don't if I think I can get away with it. I can't stand the word "panties" and also can't stand when people say "going commando" too so underwear it is. My kids constantly correct me and tell me it's underpants, not underwear. 

I'm a serious hypocrite. My breakfast this morning was apple pie with maple walnut ice cream on the side. This was after I got done reminding my kids why it's important to eat healthy. They happily went to go eat their fruit, yogurt and Cheerios. Little did they know... 

Jlk2016

I think it's absolute lunacy that there are so many moms/couples out there who have never left their kids for more than a few hours. I think it's unhealthy to not have personal time and date nights with your SO. 

Starfish113

All of you bachelor franchise haters should be flamed!!!!!!

blush64

@Jlk2016 I think it's more of a do what works for you kind of thing. 

Jlk2016

blush64 said:

@Jlk2016 I think it's more of a do what works for you kind of thing. 

Sure. I personally don't see how it can be a healthy situation for your own personal state of mind, your relationship as a couple or for the child to never have space from mom and dad. It can be viewed as "what works for you", just like anything.

poofwok

I often stalk the August birth announcements.

I'll probably stalk all the previous months until ours are born too. No shame here.... It's just so exciting to see and I enjoy reading the birth stories!

#totalcreeper

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concreteangell said:

I often stalk the August birth announcements.

I'll probably stalk all the previous months until ours are born too. No shame here.... It's just so exciting to see and I enjoy reading the birth stories!

#totalcreeper

Same here. You're not alone. I love looking at the newborn pictures!!

blush64

@Jlk2016 You can't see it being healthy not having more than a few hours apart at a time but that doesn't make it true for everyone else. 

Having space can be a few hours away, not everyone needs more. Working full time and having kids in school meant my free time was for family and I am incredibly glad I did it that way. 

I don't judge people who need or want more time away. I see nothing wrong with it. It just isn't me. It is as wrong for someone to say you shouldn't leave your kids overnight as it is to say you must leave them.

Jlk2016

@blush64 so just out of curiosity, you never left your children overnight? How many children do you have and their ages? 

IMO and experience I feel like leaving your children overnight helps them gain a different kind of independence and freedom that becomes an essential part of growth later on in life. 

Im not going as far as saying its "wrong", I personally just think it is unhealthy for all involved. 

tishb

I honestly can't wait for my kids to go back to school! They're driving me crazy and I would like to spend my days off not yelling and being a referee. They are rambunctious boys and arguing is their favorite activity.

blush64

@Jlk2016 I never left them overnight as young kids. I did not do it thinking it must be that way, it just worked that way. My boys are 18 and 20 so yes, at this point they have been away plenty. (One went to Europe on a school trip) My daughter is 3. I have not left her overnight. I have been to concerts, movies, dinner etc. Just not overnight. I don't feel the need. I don't think it's wrong to leave for a night or week or whatever. 

My sons are perfectly healthy. They are independent and have plenty of friends. We still have a great relationship. We can talk about anything and they still choose to attend family functions. 

So you don't think my life choices are completely wrong, just really unhealthy for all involved. Good thing you aren't in charge of my life.

PerraSucia

I think the first time I was away from my kid for more than just a day at work was when he was like 14 months? I dunno something like that but I went to Vegas for a night to meet up with a couple girlfriends. It was amazing. 

I I think being your own person with adult relationships outside of your kids is important 

Jlk2016

@blush64 no need to be defensive, as you said, what works for you.... I am also happy I am not in charge of your life, I have plenty to deal with in my own!  

Not "really" unhealthy, just unhealthy. That's all. I think I realized this after my first marriage ended. We didn't take enough time outside of our children for each other, it was ALWAYS about the kids, it played an intricate part in our split. We lost ourselves, our friendship and relationship because we had nothing else to talk about, no time to reconnect. So yeah, from my experiences, it is unhealthy. 

tentacular

@blush64 Wow! You have two grown boys? It must be so strange to have done the entire job from start to finish (okay, I get there's never really a finish) and then doing it all again with a toddler and a new baby. That's crazy and exciting. It's like living your Mom-life twice. Good for you! Just curious... does knowing what's ahead make being a toddler mom easier? 

My two-year old has had two overnights at the grandparents', and just did his first two-nighter. It. Was. Awesome. Every family is different and that's great, but the time away did wonders for my mental health, and it did seem like it was good for him, too. I think he felt a sense of independence having that time away from us. It seemed like I picked up a more grown-up boy than I dropped off. *sigh* He could slow that part down, actually.

Gingersnap

Re: leaving kids, I think it's odd to never leave your kids, but working parents have to leave their kids out of necessity so I get wanting to spend off time with the family. 
I think it's weird when SAHM parents say they have never left their kids for more than a few hours. I would lose my mind, in fact that's exactly why I kept my job as weekends only. 
Dates don't have to be at night, they can be a fun adult only day out. 
Vi stays overnight with the GPa's usually once a week when they aren't traveling. Again, we are fortunate to have this luxury. 

blush64

I agree we need to have adult relationships. I just don't think there is only one way to do it. There is no sleep away requirement to maintain relationships or to raise your kids correctly. 

If that's what works for you, enjoy. It wouldn't work for me. (Not at this point)

Gingersnap

I do think it's kind of  shitty to label people's parenting choices as "unhealthy", unless it's like something really unhealthy like giving a 6 month old soda....

birdiejo

PerraSucia said:

I think the first time I was away from my kid for more than just a day at work was when he was like 14 months? I dunno something like that but I went to Vegas for a night to meet up with a couple girlfriends. It was amazing. 

I I think being your own person with adult relationships outside of your kids is important 

I do too. I haven't been away from my kid for more than half a day and she's turning 2 in a couple of weeks. Mostly out of circumstance.

me= turning into a crazy 

Of course everyone has their own preferences and that's great, but I personally need a change. 

Jlk2016

Gingersnap said:

I do think it's kind of  shitty to label people's parenting choices as "unhealthy", unless it's like something really unhealthy like giving a 6 month old soda....

So do I. This isn't about a parenting choice being unhealthy, this is about a personal relationship with yourself and possibly your significant other being unhealthy. I do also agree that it is a healthy situation for children to have extended (overnight) time away from their parents. @blush64 clearly agreed when she stated her son took a trip overseas, alone.

lets also be fair, I said unhealthy as a generalization, I didn't say that @blush64 was being an unhealthy parent. Obviously, she's kept two kids alive for 20 and 18 years, she knows what she's doing!

Gingersnap

Um, that's exactly what you said. Her choice as a parent is to not spend time away from her kid, and you said that you think it's unhealthy. 

scifichick09

Gingersnap said:

I do think it's kind of  shitty to label people's parenting choices as "unhealthy", unless it's like something really unhealthy like giving a 6 month old soda....

This made me lol, because my Grandmother fed my Uncle soda in a bottle when he was a toddler and he's been addicted to it his entire life. We laugh about because we all acknowledge it was a ridiculous thing for her to do, and my Uncle has a sense of humor about it (and a huge love for Coke!).

But seriously folks, don't do it.

Jlk2016

Gingersnap said:

Um, that's exactly what you said. Her choice as a parent is to not spend time away from her kid, and you said that you think it's unhealthy. 

You're right @Gingersnap that's exactly what I said. 

Thank you for clarifying what I said and for voicing your opinion that it was incredibly wrong. I appreciate you.

BumpasaurusRex

Jlk2016 said:

@blush64 no need to be defensive, as you said, what works for you.... I am also happy I am not in charge of your life, I have plenty to deal with in my own!  

Not "really" unhealthy, just unhealthy. That's all. I think I realized this after my first marriage ended. We didn't take enough time outside of our children for each other, it was ALWAYS about the kids, it played an intricate part in our split. We lost ourselves, our friendship and relationship because we had nothing else to talk about, no time to reconnect. So yeah, from my experiences, it is unhealthy. 

@Jlk2016 The bolded is directly where you said it's unhealthy in relation to her response.  So yeah, you did.

poetryandoceans

Apple juice, too! I used to have a student who had to miss class all the time because her teeth were so damaged from the apple juice her mom put in her bottles that she had constant dentist appointments. It was very sad to see a 16 year old say "My mom had no idea what she was doing with me, and now I have to go to the dentist all the time".

BumpasaurusRex

Re: leaving kids.  I do think as parents and people in general, it's good to take time away from your children.

However, there is no written rule as to what that time away has to be.  It could be browsing Target kid-free for an hour, coffee with a friend, or watching a movie on your couch with your SO.  

Stating that your child not having overnights with someone else is unhealthy is absurd.  Do what works for you and what keeps YOU healthy.  Don't judge another family on what works for them.

Jlk2016

@BumpasaurusRex youre absolutely right as well!

I do think it's unhealthy. I won't back down from that. @blush64 I apologize if you took it as me saying your personal parenting choices are unhealthy, it certainly wasn't a personal dig, in fact my VERY first post before you even responded used the word "unhealthy" so I would hope that you are open enough to realize it wasn't directed at you. 

This is hilarious.

Gingersnap

Jlk2016 said:

Gingersnap said:

Um, that's exactly what you said. Her choice as a parent is to not spend time away from her kid, and you said that you think it's unhealthy. 

You're right @Gingersnap that's exactly what I said. 

Thank you for clarifying what I said and for voicing your opinion that it was incredibly wrong. I appreciate you.

Lolz. 
Calm your tits. 

peachesnbean

There is a catered department picnic today. I RSVP'd for my whole family, but its like 90 degrees out and I just can't. I feel terrible. But this heat.

Re: leaving your kids- the first night I spent away from my kids was when I was watching my ex-boss's kids while she was in labor. They were 1.5 and 3.5 years old. I haven't done it since unless you count doula-ing, but definitely never with my H. We're fine.

Gingersnap

Jlk2016

Gingersnap said:

Jlk2016 said:

Gingersnap said:

Um, that's exactly what you said. Her choice as a parent is to not spend time away from her kid, and you said that you think it's unhealthy. 

You're right @Gingersnap that's exactly what I said. 

Thank you for clarifying what I said and for voicing your opinion that it was incredibly wrong. I appreciate you.

Lolz. 
Calm your tits. 

GASP!!!!

You always make me smile!

Gingersnap

I'm not really understanding all the sarcasm when all I did was point out something you said. 
You are clearly feeling very defensive, so I'm going to let this one lie. 

Jlk2016

Gingersnap said:

I'm not really understanding all the sarcasm when all I did was point out something you said. 
You are clearly feeling very defensive, so I'm going to let this one lie. 

And I agreed! Where's the sarcasm????? You told me to calm my tits and I laughed, and said you always make me smile!!! maybe I'm missing something, isn't that supposed to be funny? 

Please note, I'm not defensive, I've stated that I stand by my comment. That's not defensive. 

@Gingersnap I'm sorry if I offended you by laughing at your tits comment. My apologies.

blush64

@Jlk2016 All is good. it's expected we will all disagree on things at least sometimes. I admit I did take it a bit personal because those were my personal decisions. That being said, it's not a big deal.

@tentacular starting over was crazy but fun. When my daughter was born my oldest was about the same age as I was when I had him. Shortly after her birth my sons both quickly decided they did not want children until they were over 30, if ever. 

poetryandoceans

So, I just typed out a mini-essay in response to this discussion. I'm prefacing it by saying that this was my area of research for my thesis, so I have THOUGHTS on the topic. If you don't feel like reading all of it, the TL;DR is "We're all going to do what's best for our families, it's just really important that the decision come out of that, and not pressure to parent a certain way; parenting pressure is crazy strong"

********
So, I'm just emerging from my post-thesis haze, and this debate is really keying into a lot of the work that I was doing; I spent a lot of time looking at motherhood and how it has evolved over the years. What I'm seeing in this discussion is such a common thread in motherhood and parenting trends today. Sociologists call it "intensive mothering" and it seems to be the natural conclusion of the movement away from the trend in the Victorian era to treat children as "little adults". Current parenting (and, let's face it, mothers still do the bulk of day-to-day childcare and decision making, so it often is called "mothering") trends focus on creating space and opportunities for children to explore and experience their childhood, and the degree to which that is prioritized in parents' lives is discussed a LOT in some academic circles. 
 
I think these discussions are great opportunities for us to take a step back from our parenting plans and reflect on them, both in terms of the decisions others are making and in terms of how we feel about the decisions we are making. What works for you and your family may not work for others, but I think the most important thing is that the decision is made with careful thought and reflection about the needs of your family and your children, and not what the other parents on the block are doing. I know I have one girlfriend who is already side-eyeing my plan to occasionally leave baby with my husband at 6m+ to get out of the house and maintain my sense of myself outside of parenting, and I think that pressure that is placed on moms, often by other moms, is the thing that is most dangerous to living life as an empowered and reflective parent. 

If anyone is interested in reading more sociology and theoretical thoughts on these parenting issues, I have names of theorists that may interest you, and you can google the phrase "intensive mothering" and dive in from there...