@jkershaw2013 I feel the same way, I get so anxious when the 4 hour mark is approaching but I've come to realize over the past two weeks that I have to be patient and try to let go of the need to have control.
Yesterday, lo started feeding every two hours with 5 oz per feeding and for one breastfeeding session he lasted over an hour when he usually lasts a maximum of 30 minutes. I was so scared he was going to keep that up all night, but he slowly started spreading the time back out so now this afternoon he went almost 4 hours.
Today is DH's first day back at work, and last night I had a mini cry fest thinking about how much I'm going to miss having him home with our little family and how unfair it is that other countries give better leave. Then it sent me on to thoughts of when I have to go back to work how much I'll miss this little baby and all of the things I'll miss him doing for the first time. Man, I was a blubbering mess when dh walked in. Today, I have sent some pictures to dh and we Skyped during lunch and I feel so much better! He also will work from home the next two days, so at least he'll be in the house even if he's busy sometimes.
I hope those of you having a hard time have things get easier soon! I think it is so important to be sure to ask for help and allow others to help without any guilt. It takes a village, and as a song by Darius Rucker I have listened to often says, "it won't be like this for long."
Nights are definitely the worst. My DH had no paternity leave, really. We were discharged from the hospital on a Friday, so he was home with us then, but he was back to work on Monday. We are both feeling the sleep deprivation and the middle of the night is definitely when I am most likely to break down and cry. Last night, I was exhausted and baby was crying but wouldn't latch properly and I just cried and cried. DH says he feels very helpless when that happens
Married May 2014 DD born August 2016 Baby #2 due December 2017
Thanks ladies, I keep trying to remember that I went through something and I need to give my self time to heal. I followed up with the doctor today, and turns out the pain was signalling yet another complication. She is willing to let me treat at home for the moment, since she understood the fragile state of exclusively breast feeding.
@cait5413 I am right there with you. DH goes back to work Monday and I break down every night because Aria cries and cries and cries for no reason. And usually by the end of the day I'm at the end of my rope. Just wanted to say I feel for you and you aren't alone.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
I can't tell if this is post partum, or if my pre-existing depression is just back in full force, but I'm struggling. So, at our 20 week ultrasound, we were told we were having a girl. But in the delivery room, I became mother to a son! Which is not the problem - I love my baby, no matter their genitals. The problem is that my brain for some reason is having trouble now connecting my DS to my pregnancy, since I spent it thinking I would have a daughter. I think this is causing me to feel a strange disconnect with my son at times, which spirals into guilt and anger at myself for not being a good mom, and all these emotions make me feel even more distant from DS and from DH. He's only 2 and a half weeks old and already I feel like I'm wearing down. I can't sleep at night even when Jasper does, and I cry daily. I feel like DH doesn't help me take care of him enough, which makes it all worse. I can't go back on my meds if I want to keep breastfeeding. Does anyone have advice on non-med things to try?
DH has 2 extra side jobs and this weekend he happens to have to work both of them.
For some reason, this makes me so mad. All I keep thinking is "Great. No help for 12 straight days during the day" I shouldn't complain bc DS is a fairly easy baby. I just feel so lonely during the day. And let's get real, this shit is hard and exhausting.
I don't want to say anything to DH bc it's good money and we desperately need the money, but can't help the way I feel. Normally I wouldn't be mad, and I think part of me is mad that I'm mad. If that makes sense.
34 Mother of 4 year old and 2 Labs. Happily Married to my Hubs of 6 years.
I can't tell if this is post partum, or if my pre-existing depression is just back in full force, but I'm struggling. So, at our 20 week ultrasound, we were told we were having a girl. But in the delivery room, I became mother to a son! Which is not the problem - I love my baby, no matter their genitals. The problem is that my brain for some reason is having trouble now connecting my DS to my pregnancy, since I spent it thinking I would have a daughter. I think this is causing me to feel a strange disconnect with my son at times, which spirals into guilt and anger at myself for not being a good mom, and all these emotions make me feel even more distant from DS and from DH. He's only 2 and a half weeks old and already I feel like I'm wearing down. I can't sleep at night even when Jasper does, and I cry daily. I feel like DH doesn't help me take care of him enough, which makes it all worse. I can't go back on my meds if I want to keep breastfeeding. Does anyone have advice on non-med things to try?
Oh man this sounds tough. I would probably feel the same way if DD turned out to be a boy. Heck I cry 15 times a day just because I'm hormonal in general. And when I'm like that I need a break from DD.
I am currently on Zoloft which is considered safe for pregnancy and breadtfeeding. It is the most researched drug out there for pregnancy and breastfeeding as far as anti-depressants.
I would also say that what you are feeling sounds completely normal being two weeks PP. PPD sticks around long after a month or so after delivery. So you may not know if it's truly POD for a few weeks. But if I were you, I'd get in to see someone ASAP because drugs like Zoloft take a few weeks to work.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
DH has 2 extra side jobs and this weekend he happens to have to work both of them.
For some reason, this makes me so mad. All I keep thinking is "Great. No help for 12 straight days during the day" I shouldn't complain bc DS is a fairly easy baby. I just feel so lonely during the day. And let's get real, this shit is hard and exhausting.
I don't want to say anything to DH bc it's good money and we desperately need the money, but can't help the way I feel. Normally I wouldn't be mad, and I think part of me is mad that I'm mad. If that makes sense.
Can you invite a friend over to visit? Even if they don't help with the baby it sounds like you need some adult interaction.
I can't tell if this is post partum, or if my pre-existing depression is just back in full force, but I'm struggling. So, at our 20 week ultrasound, we were told we were having a girl. But in the delivery room, I became mother to a son! Which is not the problem - I love my baby, no matter their genitals. The problem is that my brain for some reason is having trouble now connecting my DS to my pregnancy, since I spent it thinking I would have a daughter. I think this is causing me to feel a strange disconnect with my son at times, which spirals into guilt and anger at myself for not being a good mom, and all these emotions make me feel even more distant from DS and from DH. He's only 2 and a half weeks old and already I feel like I'm wearing down. I can't sleep at night even when Jasper does, and I cry daily. I feel like DH doesn't help me take care of him enough, which makes it all worse. I can't go back on my meds if I want to keep breastfeeding. Does anyone have advice on non-med things to try?
I agree with @midwestbaby on going to see a dr ASAP - it couldn't hurt. I will also say I struggle with anxiety and depression And I have stopped taking all meds to try breastfeeding. I formula fed DD and she's insanely smart, healthy and just flat out fine. I told myself I wanted to try breastfeeding because I didn't with DD due to meds. But at that I also told myself the moment that I felt any form of depression, anxiety, sadness or plain "off" I would be going back to Dr. To get back on meds. My point being - don't feel guilty if you need to switch to bottle feeding with formula to keep yourself healthy. You are only human and if the baby gets formula the baby gets formula. As long as he eats you're doing your job.
@midwestbaby@jacmkelley thanks for the advice. I know a fed baby is the best baby. It's almost hard for me to admit that I need to be back on my meds because I feel like this should be the happiest time of my life. I finally get to hold my baby after a miscarriage, and he's perfect and healthy (aside from some jaundice problems we ran into the first week). I know that depression and anxiety don't stop just because it doesn't make sense, but I just want to feel like a good mom.
@midwestbaby@jacmkelley thanks for the advice. I know a fed baby is the best baby. It's almost hard for me to admit that I need to be back on my meds because I feel like this should be the happiest time of my life. I finally get to hold my baby after a miscarriage, and he's perfect and healthy (aside from some jaundice problems we ran into the first week). I know that depression and anxiety don't stop just because it doesn't make sense, but I just want to feel like a good mom.
Lol the biggest misconception of newborn mom life! While it usually is the happiest time of our lives it's undoubtedly the most exhausting, emotional and overwhelming time!!! When else in your life has just looking at a tiny human made you feel so many things at once. When else did you push a human out of YOUR body? It's a lot of things at once. And your body is having a giant hormone change. You aren't wrong for needing meds. You're only human honey, and this is a lot on the brain. Don't think less of yourself as a parent. Good for you for even acknowledging it and reaching out to seek advice. You're not alone it's an exhausting transition and you were surprised with a sex change! That's a lot!
@jacmkelley thank you! I'll definitely talk to my psychiatrist about meds that would be breastfeeding safe, and if not, I could always do donor breastmilk. I just want to be in a good place to take care of my son, and if Im being honest, i dont think i can do that if I'm not on my medication. It is overwhelming.. but he deserves to have a great mom.
So I feel like I've been doing great these first few days at home. Thankfully! But I just had a little breakdown. DH goes back to work tomorrow and. Really going to miss him being home. He has been so helpful and I just love having all 3 of us together. I know it's only 2 days and then it's the weekend. Ugh these hormones.
@jkershaw2013 I totally feel the same way. DH goes back to work on Monday and every time I think about it, I cry.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@jkershaw2013 When DH went back to work, thats what was my tipping point. I finally broke down today and told him how much I have been crying the last several days. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends and have some girls dates planned the next several days.
34 Mother of 4 year old and 2 Labs. Happily Married to my Hubs of 6 years.
This morning Levi woke up with a cold. The cold my mom and kids had/have. I tried to be careful and jeep them away from baby, but you know, life. So Levi has a sorta stuffy nose and eye boogers. This evening the eye boogers got so bad he couldn't open his eye, and every time I wipe them it looks irritated. So I called our ped, it was just before 5, so they said to get him to urgent care. They gave us prescription eye drops and said to use saline drops for his nose. I'm nervous about those cause I'm nearly positive he will start choking on them. And of course I was in tears on our way to urgent care. I thought I was getting past these pp hormones. Really hoping he starts to feel better really soon, and that his new rnp will be helpful. The doc didn't say anything, but I'm thinking keeping him at an incline is a good idea until he's better. At least when I'm sleeping too.
I also had a crying breakdown this past Sunday when I realized my dh would be going back to work the next day. Then my dh decided to work from home Tuesday and today and it was nice to just have him around even if he couldn't help. But he goes back to the office tomorrow and Friday and so I of course cried again tonight. SO many pp hormones!
Baby boy is pretty well behaved, but it's lonely and breastfeeding every 2 to 4 hours is sometimes really stressful. Today baby boy has been eating every two or so hours after a 5 hour stretch last night (totally an accident, my alarm went off to check on him at 3 hours and I passed out after seeing he was still asleep until I woke up at 5 am to luckily hear him starting to wake up). He had another doctor appt today and she said it's okay for him to sleep for 5-6 hours now without waking to eat, so I feel better about last night. I can only hope since he's been eating so frequently during the day today that he'll have another long stretch of sleep tonight!
I've been googling PP hormones and baby blues just to see how long they last and everything I have read says 2-3 weeks. I'm looking forward to not crying every time I feel overwhelmed or for no reason at all.
It is such a huge adjustment going from a life with no baby to a life with one. After nine days of practically no sleep, and a "routine" that is breastfeed, eat, take pills, try and sleep, change baby, etc... It makes for a lonely cycle. I can't wait until she sleeps longer than 2 hours between feeds.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
We tried feeding her a bottle of pumped milk for the first time tonight and I definitely cried watching DH feed her. Still not sure why. I guess I am relieved she'll take it but also sad/guilty that she needs to since I will be back at work for a few hours a couple days next week. It could also be exhaustion. We had a rough night last night
Married May 2014 DD born August 2016 Baby #2 due December 2017
Well, here I am up again. Baby boy decided 5 to 6 hours of sleep just isn't for him yet. He's been up every 2 to 3 hours since early yesterday and very fussy. I was hoping that meant he'd be tired tonight so he'd sleep the longer stretch again. Looks like I'll be napping tomorrow.
@allishally13. How old is your LO? Our son is 4 weeks old today and that's the schedule that we have been on for three weeks (other than a few long--4 hour--stretches at night). I think it's pretty standard for some babies.
@entropicallyfavored He's almost 3 weeks old. He has done a few longer stretches before so I was hoping they would continue, but I know I need to be patient
At 6 wks now and I second @entropicallyfavored. Compared to 3 wks PP, I feel so much better. With time, I think I just adjusted more emotionally and physically but there are times when I just sink in again to my emotions.
They are always triggered by something though - like how DH & I are dealing with baby A crying nonstop (after we tried feeding, changing diaper, etc.) or if we argue about something (this one is the worst - last night was on DH disciplining our dog; what is most appropriate form of action when he growls at crying baby?).
I subconsciously expect DH to just know how to make me feel better and then when he doesn't deliver to my expectations, I keep it inside and create this wave of emotional tension between us.
It really can be anything that sparks my mood from being "we got this" mode to "what do I do" mode. Just this morning, I got sad about how my body has changed since baby A although I acknowledge the change that my body went through to have baby A. Then there's breastfeeding stress but I'm hoping this one gets better (thinking about my supply issues and how they might worsen when I go back to work gives me so much anxiety).
PP rant: I love my DH and he's great with our 5yo DD. But he has taken on the role of provider (pretty seriously). We own a business and he works from home. I'm trying not to let it bother me that he hasn't helped with LO, like at all. No tears yet, but the time that we are together (a couple of dinners) he's been getting on my nerves and jokingly annoying. He's a workaholic and I understand the pressure he puts on himself, but it's hard not having a parenting partner.
I think he's held LO twice maybe three times in 9 days. So needless to say, no diaper changes, no real support because he's working so much. He doesn't sleep in our bedroom because he's working pretty much around the clock.
Luckily our LO has been an amazingly easy baby (knock on wood) which has made the adjustment from 1 to 2 easier. But I feel like I should have had some time to recouperate and adjust before being on my own with 2 kids the day after getting out of the hospital (DH went away on business).
I'm hoping this weekend will be better because although he's working during the day, we're all camping together at a nice resort. I'd love for him to spend time with LO and us.
PP rant: I love my DH and he's great with our 5yo DD. But he has taken on the role of provider (pretty seriously). We own a business and he works from home. I'm trying not to let it bother me that he hasn't helped with LO, like at all. No tears yet, but the time that we are together (a couple of dinners) he's been getting on my nerves and jokingly annoying. He's a workaholic and I understand the pressure he puts on himself, but it's hard not having a parenting partner.
I think he's held LO twice maybe three times in 9 days. So needless to say, no diaper changes, no real support because he's working so much. He doesn't sleep in our bedroom because he's working pretty much around the clock.
Luckily our LO has been an amazingly easy baby (knock on wood) which has made the adjustment from 1 to 2 easier. But I feel like I should have had some time to recouperate and adjust before being on my own with 2 kids the day after getting out of the hospital (DH went away on business).
I'm hoping this weekend will be better because although he's working during the day, we're all camping together at a nice resort. I'd love for him to spend time with LO and us.
You have a valid point. Can you tell him how you feel? Even an hour break to yourself for a nap or what have you will make world of a difference for you. You guys are in this together even if he works around the clock. Taking care of a newborn and toddler sounds like a lot! You also have a full time job taking care of LOs 24/7 and would appreciate if he spent some time with the kids more! Hope he realizes that despite his busy schedule, doing even a little bit more with the kids goes a long way. Have fun at camping!
I second what @AliKay20 said. I would definitely tell him how you are feeling. Men aren't great at picking up clues and hints. I can't imagine taking care of two little ones all on my own. You definitely deserve some help.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@no more miss! asking for help is the hardest thing to do. I struggle with that as well. I'm so impressed with you and caring for both LOs!
Let us us know if we can do anything to help :-) I know just being able to vent to this great group of women has helped me more than I ever knew it could. Just getting thoughts into words helps.
34 Mother of 4 year old and 2 Labs. Happily Married to my Hubs of 6 years.
@no more Miss I know how you feel. My dh owns his business and he did not take any time off after we came home. I did have my mom for the first week to help, but it's been just me and the kids until 7pm every night. Dh is pretty good about spending time with the big kids after work, but spends the rest of his time outside doing yard work, grilling, or just sitting outside. He helps when I ask, but I'm sick of asking. He does sometimes ask if I need to do anything for myself before he goes to bed for the night, so that's nice, but it's hard. But I know he also feels helpless since baby is ebf, and I know what baby needs when he cries, and exactly how he likes to be held. Dh isn't around enough to know these things. I just keep reminding myself it's going to get easier soon. By the time baby is a couple months old, he will be able to have a bottle, and we all will have a better routine, and dh will have more time to adjust. Hang in there mama!
I think just being truthful and getting it out here helps. I do have support from friends and family but I don't really want to tell them that my DH isn't around or isn't helpful.
It's hard to be specific and say, "I need a shower and I need you to watch the kids." I know I shouldn't predict his answer to such requests but I feel like he's always says some version of can't you figure it out yourself.
So, instead I try to make it easier and take a shower with DD and have DS in his bassinet. But I'd like my own shower sometime! It's a catch 22: I like doing it on my own and have a sense of pride that I can, but sometimes it's great when your DH acknowledges and offers help.
PP rant: I love my DH and he's great with our 5yo DD. But he has taken on the role of provider (pretty seriously). We own a business and he works from home. I'm trying not to let it bother me that he hasn't helped with LO, like at all. No tears yet, but the time that we are together (a couple of dinners) he's been getting on my nerves and jokingly annoying. He's a workaholic and I understand the pressure he puts on himself, but it's hard not having a parenting partner.
I think he's held LO twice maybe three times in 9 days. So needless to say, no diaper changes, no real support because he's working so much. He doesn't sleep in our bedroom because he's working pretty much around the clock.
Luckily our LO has been an amazingly easy baby (knock on wood) which has made the adjustment from 1 to 2 easier. But I feel like I should have had some time to recouperate and adjust before being on my own with 2 kids the day after getting out of the hospital (DH went away on business).
I'm hoping this weekend will be better because although he's working during the day, we're all camping together at a nice resort. I'd love for him to spend time with LO and us.
First sending you :Big Hugs: I would for sure talk to him and just let him know how you are feeling. I'm sure once you do he'll be more supportive.
Thank God for gripe water. Little man cried so much today, especially tonight.. Pretty sure it's from gas. He darts and then screams. It's so sad and stressful. Gave him gripe water this afternoon and he took a nice 2 hour nap in his rnp. Gave it to him tonight after 3 hours of crying and he nursed and passed out. Hoping he will manage to sleep all night (and by that I mean 3 to 4 hour stretches and going right back to sleep) like he usually does. Thinking as long as he's still doing better tomorrow I better put him back in his bassinet for bed tomorrow night. I don't want him to get too used to that incline at night. I plan to put him in his crib when he sleeps 6 hours straight at night.
Man, I am struggling today. I think I've got some cabin fever and just feeling completely overwhelmed. I love LO but I keep wondering why we would do this to ourselves again. I remember feeling this way right after DD was born. I wouldn't trade either of them for the world but these first few weeks/months are just hard! I keep crying and DH keeps asking what's wrong but there's nothing specially wrong I just feel like I need to cry. I'm only a week PP so I'm hoping I won't feel like this too much longer.
@Lynnlove28 I've thought the same thing with each of my kids at some point! Cry when you need to and hang in there. You're almost through the worst of the pp crap ♡
@Lynnlove28 Just wanted to say you aren't alone. I cry almost nightly. Not sure what it is about the ending of the day, but it makes me all weepy and panicky.
I think trying to plan a little something everyday is helping me. Like a trip outside, or take her newborn photos etc. Otherwise my days feel like they are all the same and that is what depresses me.
I will say crying it out does wonders too.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Re: Postpartum Mental Health Check In
Yesterday, lo started feeding every two hours with 5 oz per feeding and for one breastfeeding session he lasted over an hour when he usually lasts a maximum of 30 minutes. I was so scared he was going to keep that up all night, but he slowly started spreading the time back out so now this afternoon he went almost 4 hours.
Today is DH's first day back at work, and last night I had a mini cry fest thinking about how much I'm going to miss having him home with our little family and how unfair it is that other countries give better leave. Then it sent me on to thoughts of when I have to go back to work how much I'll miss this little baby and all of the things I'll miss him doing for the first time. Man, I was a blubbering mess when dh walked in. Today, I have sent some pictures to dh and we Skyped during lunch and I feel so much better! He also will work from home the next two days, so at least he'll be in the house even if he's busy sometimes.
I hope those of you having a hard time have things get easier soon!
Married May 2014
DD born August 2016
Baby #2 due December 2017
DH brought home this thing which is a huge help! So many people right now are helping me care for this baby this is working much better than an app.
https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/itzbeen-trade-pocket-nanny-trade-baby-care-timer/3271874?skuId=44329846&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=All Products&mcid=PS_bingpla_nonbrand__&creative=12375097786&device=c
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
For some reason, this makes me so mad. All I keep thinking is "Great. No help for 12 straight days during the day" I shouldn't complain bc DS is a fairly easy baby. I just feel so lonely during the day. And let's get real, this shit is hard and exhausting.
I don't want to say anything to DH bc it's good money and we desperately need the money, but can't help the way I feel. Normally I wouldn't be mad, and I think part of me is mad that I'm mad. If that makes sense.
I am currently on Zoloft which is considered safe for pregnancy and breadtfeeding. It is the most researched drug out there for pregnancy and breastfeeding as far as anti-depressants.
I would also say that what you are feeling sounds completely normal being two weeks PP. PPD sticks around long after a month or so after delivery. So you may not know if it's truly POD for a few weeks. But if I were you, I'd get in to see someone ASAP because drugs like Zoloft take a few weeks to work.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
that I also told myself the moment that I felt any form of depression, anxiety, sadness or plain "off" I would be going back to Dr. To get back on meds. My point being - don't feel guilty if you need to switch to bottle feeding with formula to keep yourself healthy. You are only human and if the baby gets formula the baby gets formula. As long as he eats you're doing your job.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Really hoping he starts to feel better really soon, and that his new rnp will be helpful. The doc didn't say anything, but I'm thinking keeping him at an incline is a good idea until he's better. At least when I'm sleeping too.
Baby boy is pretty well behaved, but it's lonely and breastfeeding every 2 to 4 hours is sometimes really stressful. Today baby boy has been eating every two or so hours after a 5 hour stretch last night (totally an accident, my alarm went off to check on him at 3 hours and I passed out after seeing he was still asleep until I woke up at 5 am to luckily hear him starting to wake up). He had another doctor appt today and she said it's okay for him to sleep for 5-6 hours now without waking to eat, so I feel better about last night. I can only hope since he's been eating so frequently during the day today that he'll have another long stretch of sleep tonight!
It is such a huge adjustment going from a life with no baby to a life with one. After nine days of practically no sleep, and a "routine" that is breastfeed, eat, take pills, try and sleep, change baby, etc... It makes for a lonely cycle. I can't wait until she sleeps longer than 2 hours between feeds.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Married May 2014
DD born August 2016
Baby #2 due December 2017
They are always triggered by something though - like how DH & I are dealing with baby A crying nonstop (after we tried feeding, changing diaper, etc.) or if we argue about something (this one is the worst - last night was on DH disciplining our dog; what is most appropriate form of action when he growls at crying baby?).
I subconsciously expect DH to just know how to make me feel better and then when he doesn't deliver to my expectations, I keep it inside and create this wave of emotional tension between us.
It really can be anything that sparks my mood from being "we got this" mode to "what do I do" mode. Just this morning, I got sad about how my body has changed since baby A although I acknowledge the change that my body went through to have baby A. Then there's breastfeeding stress but I'm hoping this one gets better (thinking about my supply issues and how they might worsen when I go back to work gives me so much anxiety).
I love my DH and he's great with our 5yo DD. But he has taken on the role of provider (pretty seriously). We own a business and he works from home. I'm trying not to let it bother me that he hasn't helped with LO, like at all. No tears yet, but the time that we are together (a couple of dinners) he's been getting on my nerves and jokingly annoying. He's a workaholic and I understand the pressure he puts on himself, but it's hard not having a parenting partner.
I think he's held LO twice maybe three times in 9 days. So needless to say, no diaper changes, no real support because he's working so much. He doesn't sleep in our bedroom because he's working pretty much around the clock.
Luckily our LO has been an amazingly easy baby (knock on wood) which has made the adjustment from 1 to 2 easier. But I feel like I should have had some time to recouperate and adjust before being on my own with 2 kids the day after getting out of the hospital (DH went away on business).
I'm hoping this weekend will be better because although he's working during the day, we're all camping together at a nice resort. I'd love for him to spend time with LO and us.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Thanks for the support. Yes, clearly men are not mind readers and sometimes don't know when we need emotional support and how to give it.
You guys are right just a little bit of support goes a long way. It can be hard for me to speak up and ask and accept help.
We'll have a better chance to spend time together Fri-Mon so hopefully I can express the way I'm feeling and get some support.
asking for help is the hardest thing to do. I struggle with that as well. I'm so impressed with you and caring for both LOs!
Let us us know if we can do anything to help :-) I know just being able to vent to this great group of women has helped me more than I ever knew it could. Just getting thoughts into words helps.
I think just being truthful and getting it out here helps. I do have support from friends and family but I don't really want to tell them that my DH isn't around or isn't helpful.
It's hard to be specific and say, "I need a shower and I need you to watch the kids." I know I shouldn't predict his answer to such requests but I feel like he's always says some version of can't you figure it out yourself.
So, instead I try to make it easier and take a shower with DD and have DS in his bassinet. But I'd like my own shower sometime! It's a catch 22: I like doing it on my own and have a sense of pride that I can, but sometimes it's great when your DH acknowledges and offers help.
like you said @Stephanie7693 you're sick of asking.
I think trying to plan a little something everyday is helping me. Like a trip outside, or take her newborn photos etc. Otherwise my days feel like they are all the same and that is what depresses me.
I will say crying it out does wonders too.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18