@midwestbaby that's me too! I am fine during the day but then the evening rolls around and everything makes me cry.
I feel this way too! A little over two weeks pp and I've cried more in these past couple weeks than I have in years. I feel totally overwhelmed at being a FTM and I'm not used to staying home all the time and having my world revolve around my boobs and feeding times. I was jealous when DH went to work today and I had to stay home. I have a total of 12 weeks off from work but I'm already wishing I could go back early. I love my LO and im hoping as the weeks go on I'll feel better. I find a good cry in the shower has done wonders even when I don't really have a reason to cry. We also have a wedding this weekend and my MIL is coming to watch her so I think an evening out will do my some good. Here's to hoping we all get past this pp blues soon!
Expecting baby #1 August 2016
Already have three furbabies- Blake, Sydney, and Chester
DH convinced me to go on a walk this evening and I'm so so glad we did. It was a huge mood booster for me and Aria loved it. So it bought me extra time between a feeding. I definitely recommend getting outside, even if it is just for 15 minutes. So far, no crying episode for me, but the night is still young.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@Lynnlove28 DH and I were on a longish car ride this afternoon with our 2 boys and both were fussing and I looked over at DH and said "I need you to remind me why we did this again?". I feel like we had settled into a really good place with DS1 and throwing another baby into the mix is so hard! I keep telling myself that by next summer things will be so much better, and that's helping a little. I don't really have any advice, but I totally get how you feel!
@Lynnlove28 and @midwestbaby I'm in a similar boat. I bad been feeling pretty good the past few days and then last night for whatever reason I burst into tears. I couldn't explain to my husband what I was feeling, just that I felt like I needed to cry. So let it out girls! Don't hold it in! I agree getting out has done wonders! Even if it's just going outside by myself for 5 minutes to get some vitamin d and sun on my face! Making little plans has been helping- quick trip to the store, went for a walk in the park tonight. A change of scenery can do wonders!
DH convinced me to go on a walk this evening and I'm so so glad we did. It was a huge mood booster for me and Aria loved it. So it bought me extra time between a feeding. I definitely recommend getting outside, even if it is just for 15 minutes. So far, no crying episode for me, but the night is still young.
I completely agree! I was ready to pull my hair out with DS and LO today. I took them both for a walk and it was like a sudden calm came over all of us. DS stopped yelling/being insane and started using his sweet voice again.
I even stopped at a bakery and got DS cookies and donuts for DH.
I just keep blaming myself for my baby's arm. I feel like I wasn't woman enough to push him out, had I been it wouldn't have happened. I cry a bit each time I accidentally reposition his arm wrong. I know they said it will heal, but it's still devastating.
Not to mention when we was supposed to go home Thursday morning, they told me he had Jaundice and his levels were dangerously high. So we had to stay and he had to be under a light lamp for 24 hours with nothing but a diaper and eye mask on. After that news I just broke down. He cried and cried, I couldn't comfort him like I wanted because the more time under the lamp the better.
We are home today, but I just feel like I started off being a mother who can't care for her baby like she should
@MrsEWilson trust me I am sure we all or will have a moment where we feel as failures on being a mommy. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Sometimes things happen and we just have to roll with it. Your home now try to relax and enjoy the little things with your LO. :Big Hugs:
@MrsEWilson I second the above response!!! He adores you, you are his everything. You can do no wrong at this point. I'm so sorry you guys had a rough experience, but remember he won't recall any of the early days. Rest, nurture him, rest, & repeat. His arm will heal before you know it. And all of his smiles are just for you.
@MrsEWilson hang in there girl! There is nothing you did wrong! Allow yourself to cry it out but you didn't intentionally cause any of this to happen. You just have to get through these hurdles! I echo the above comments, rest now that you're home! All of this will be behind you soon! ((Hugs))
@MrsEWilson - my son also had to stay an extra night for jaundice (I was sent home the night before). It is so common for babies to be jaundiced!
and as for his arm, who knows what would have happened if you pushed him out. It could have just been his position and it still would have happened. Please don't beat yourself up. You are a wonderful mama!
I agree with @Curls919 It more than likely had to do with his position and there isn't anything you could do about that. Try not to dwell too much on it. (Easier said than done I'm sure). But you are doing a great job and it shows with how much you care.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@MrsEWilson I felt very similar after my LO was born- had I waited longer for the induction maybe his lungs would have been fine, had I waited more hours and possibly birthed him vaginally maybe the fluid would have been pushed out, etc etc etc. I cried it out and told my dh everything I felt, and he reminded me that there's no way to know what will happen with any decision you make. I did what I thought was best for my baby to get him here safely, and another decision might not have worked out as well- we will never know. But whenever this LO smiles at me or stares deep in my eyes, I know it's all going to be okay and all he will remember is how much we loved on him and tried to do the right thing.
I talked to someone while I was back in the hospital. Even just the hour with a trained counselor really helped put things in perspective... feeling a little better mentally now. Being home helps too. My doctor also let me know there are medical options if I feel like I can't cope on my own anymore. She reccomended a 6 month course, but is giving me a few weeks to see if I am able to cope a little better once my physical health improves, and I am home again in more of a safe space.
@Allisun85 Mental health has always seemed to check out at the same time physical health does for me too. I'm so glad you feel better after talking to someone! I've been a really unhealthy person my whole life (I had a brain tumor at 14, plus asthma, epilepsy, the whole nine yards) but I had an amazingly healthy pregnancy somehow. I can't imagine what you went through, being sick AND pregnant. I would have cried nonstop from fear! Postpartum is so hard on top of that, it feels like you have no time to heal from everything you've just been through emotionally. I had a weird delivery - definitely nothing quite as scary as yours - but my planned home birth ended with me in the hospital, and him being born less than 20 minutes after being wheeled through the ambulance entrance. Being a momma is hard, and I really hope you are able to get all the support you need!
My anxiety levels are super high right now. I was in the ER Saturday because my heart rate is really low. Most things I have read on google say this can be normal after giving birth but the doctor said it isn't typical. I am on a heart monitor until tonight (48 hours) and have to see a cardiologist. I have no other symptoms so they say that's good. It is just really scary. I will just keep praying.
@jamiesc58 how scary! I hope it is just births related and works itself out ASAP.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Thanks all! I have an appointment with the cardiologist next Tuesday. A while week to dwell on this. I try not to as the other tests (EKG, chest xray, and blood work) came back normal but it's hard. I had my first meltdown last night while I was snuggling the baby and watching my other kids play. I will get through this!
My anxiety levels are super high right now. I was in the ER Saturday because my heart rate is really low. Most things I have read on google say this can be normal after giving birth but the doctor said it isn't typical. I am on a heart monitor until tonight (48 hours) and have to see a cardiologist. I have no other symptoms so they say that's good. It is just really scary. I will just keep praying.
Praying all is okay. I know how hard it can be to deal with strange postpartum things. You are stronger than you know and can handle whatever this is!!
No they didn't have it checked. I have mitro valve prolapse (heart murmur essentially) and they weren't concerned. It lasted 24 hrs (that I was monitored) and they remarked that I must just have a low heart rate naturally. But I never remember it being quite so low.
Sorry this isn't especially helpful. I'm thinking about you!
Well my morning started with me feeling like I couldn't breath, which in turn gave me multiple panic attacks, and now here I am at the ER. All my vitals and stuff look good though and the doctor said the worst case scenario we're looking at is a pulmonary embolism which is a blood clot in one of the arteries in the lungs. Now I'm waiting to have an X-ray done and for results from my blood work to come back, then possibly a CT scan. Missing my little man, I keep looking at all the pictures and videos I have of him on my phone Also, I'm super thirsty and starving. Ugh.
@BrunetteBabe722 Hang in there! I know its difficult, but just try to relax and have faith that you will be home soon. Stress can do crazy things to your body, especially given the hormone roller coaster we've all just been through. I'm wishing you the best! Keep us posted.
@BrunetteBabe722 I hope you start feeling better soon! Not being able to breathe is the worst, which makes you anxious which makes it harder to breathe. A vicious cycle. I hope it's not a blood clot.
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Well good news, all my tests came back good and I don't have a blood clot!! Just wish I knew why it feels like I can't breath that good. Hopefully it will just go away in a few days.
NB clothes barely fit baby A and we know this week is probably her last week wearing these clothes.
I'm happy to see how much she's growing but I'm sad to see how fast she's growing all at the same time. First 6 weeks flew by and I just get all the feels.
I know some worry and anxiety around the baby and breathing is normal, but I am wondering if I am straying into PP Anxiety territory. I have serious trouble sleeping while LO sleeps. I get tightness in my chest from anxiety, I startle awake at every sound, lack of sounds also worries me. I rationally know I cannot spend the next 6 months awake watching him breath or with another adult doing so, but the anxiety is overwhelming and I really want to always have someone awake with him. Any advice on keeping the thoughts at bay? It is like a little gremlin in my head that rehearses all the worst case scenario all the time, and it is exhausting.
@liljabee I think with time the anxiety will pass. Have you been encountering anything like choking episodes, vomiting or anything else that has triggered the anxiety? LO is 2 weeks today for the first week I was anxious and would pop up and look at DD with every sound. One thing I can think of that might give you peace if mind and may allow you to get some much needed rest is a monitor. I don't have either but might consider getting one once we put DD in her nursery. I'm sure you've heard of the Owlet, but it's super expensive - $250 .. another option is the snuza on Amazon. You clip it on their diaper and monitors their breathing. my friend has it and swears by it. I hope you are able to rest and the anxiety passes soon!
@liljabee I second the monitor suggestion. We have one that has also has a breathing pad under the mattress, and I know I sleep so much better knowing it will go off if needed. It's gone off once with this LO, and a few times with our first. I think it's always just been bc their breathing has been very shallow, or when my first was older and could roll off of it. But it does reassure me that it's working, so I'd rather have a few false alarms. I honestly think it also helps me that both of my kids have slept in their own rooms since day 1. That way I'm not over analysizing every noise or sound.
Re: Postpartum Mental Health Check In
hoping as the weeks go on I'll feel better. I find a good cry in the shower has done wonders even when I don't really have a reason to cry. We also have a wedding this weekend and my MIL is coming to watch her so I think an evening out will do my some good. Here's to hoping we all get past this pp blues soon!
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
get how you feel!
I even stopped at a bakery and got DS cookies and donuts for DH.
Not to mention when we was supposed to go home Thursday morning, they told me he had Jaundice and his levels were dangerously high. So we had to stay and he had to be under a light lamp for 24 hours with nothing but a diaper and eye mask on. After that news I just broke down. He cried and cried, I couldn't comfort him like I wanted because the more time under the lamp the better.
We are home today, but I just feel like I started off being a mother who can't care for her baby like she should
and as for his arm, who knows what would have happened if you pushed him out. It could have just been his position and it still would have happened. Please don't beat yourself up. You are a wonderful mama!
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
My doctor also let me know there are medical options if I feel like I can't cope on my own anymore. She reccomended a 6 month course, but is giving me a few weeks to see if I am able to cope a little better once my physical health improves, and I am home again in more of a safe space.
I had a low heart rate after giving birth. Good luck. Hope everything's ok!
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
No they didn't have it checked. I have mitro valve prolapse (heart murmur essentially) and they weren't concerned. It lasted 24 hrs (that I was monitored) and they remarked that I must just have a low heart rate naturally. But I never remember it being quite so low.
Sorry this isn't especially helpful.
I'm thinking about you!
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
sorry to hear it.
I'm happy to see how much she's growing but I'm sad to see how fast she's growing all at the same time. First 6 weeks flew by and I just get all the feels.