@TxTeacher91 I'm so sorry!! My DH was oblivious too until the first time I left the house and he was alone with DS. DS cried inconsolably and DH has to ask me to come home. Then one day DH put his finger in DS' mouth to try to console him (saw our pediatrician use the trick) and realized how HARD DS sucks. I told him "yea, he does that to my nipples for 4 hours a day" and I got a bit of sympathy.
BFing is NOT easy, nothing about it is. It's painful, frustrating, exhausting, worrisome, angering, sometimes humiliating, and can be isolating.
I also don't feel that "different love". I love him for sure. I'd do anything for him and my heart melts at times, but at 4.5 weeks, I'm still kinda in survival mode.
Here's how I do my schedule (most of the time) and all times are approximates: - 6am wake up - feed DS - 6:30am, (once he's done eating and asleep again, put him back into bassinet and grab a quick shower - 7am grab coffee and either frozen waffles or breakfast sandwich or other really quick breakfast - 7:05 - eat said breakfast and drink coffee in the living room over LOs head because he woke up, watch morning news - 8:00am put DS into mamaroo for his morning nap, either sleep myself OR start a single load of laundry, wash the floor, clean up a single room (something I can complete in the ~1 hour before I'm a milk cow again) - 9-9:30 milk cow repeat until ~12 - 12pm heat up a quick easy lunch - think microwave or premade (ramen, canned soup, leftovers - Rinse & Repeat until dinner (I usually take at least 1 nap here - Dinner - after DS 5ish feeding, I start dinner (30 min or less meals, spaghetti, shake & bake chicken, tacos ect) I make 4 servings (enough for two nights) - When DS wakes up in the middle of me eating, I rush to finish while he cries, then feed him and DH cleans up from dinner.
I put DS down in his bassinet after his 8:30/9pm feeding then grab a beer, set up my coffee pot to ensure I have the life giving liquid for the next day, take a deep breath and prep myself for bed.
At 11ish, I crawl into bed and hope to do better the next day.
Meals are are easy because they are either quick grab items, or quick make dinners. I get 4 dinners for the work of 2 (saves time, money, and brain power).
Laundry I have organized so I do 1 load a day, 2 on Saturday, and Sunday the laundry room is closed.
Its not perfect and not easy, but it works. I'm still exhausted, but I get a shower and a nap, a small bit of housework, and some food. Hope this helps.
I'm really struggling she has been super fussy after feedings suddenly wiTh tons of gas and I have w really difficult time soothing her. I'm just feeling so so overwhelmed
@Backbypopulardemand I'm sorry. The gas/fussiness is super hard. We've struggled a lot with gas. If you're breastfeeding it could be due to something you're eating/drinking. Have you tried gas drops to help? When our poor girl has a gassy fit I've found there isn't a ton I can do except use some methods I've read to try and help relieve it.
@Backbypopulardemand I've struggled with this as well with my girl. The last few days have been better, still gassy but not painfully so. I've cut out dairy this week so I am not sure if that's it yet (I'm hoping it's not, I love my dairy!) But tummy time helps my LO a lot with that pressure on her tummy. Also warm baths. And oh, the biggest thing for us is making sure she is well burped. But really, it's just about trying my best to soothe her and wait until it passes. I'm so sorry, I've cried a few times to my DH and mom about the same frustration so I definitely get it. It could also be attributed to a growth spurt? Hang in there mama. You're doing great, don't forget it
E has had a really rough couple of days and I am getting a little worried. I am starting to feel a little emotionally numb. We've been dealing with my husband's grandma slowly dying and his denial about it. Because of that he's often at the hospital and I am home alone with Elliott for a long time. Our whole routine has been off and I feel resentful and guilty about that. When he cries for like 3 hours I feel hopeless and numb and just feel like giving up and sitting there while he screams. I don't know if this is just a "normal" side effect given the circumstances or something more. It doesn't help that E has been a pretty great baby so the sudden intense crying is new and pretty stressful. I don't know what to think and feel bad stressing DH about it when he has a lot on his plate. I'm feeling pretty alone.
@backbypopulardemand we are dealing with lots of gas too. So much that it's impacting his sleep which makes things really tough. I feel really overwhelmed too. You're not alone.
@theshannondee I find myself feeling numb too when our LO acts up, especially because she's usually so good. Sometimes I just sit there and hold her while she screams and I just stare off into space or cry and wonder what I've gotten myself into. You are not alone. *creepy internet hugs*
July BMB Siggy Challenge: Weird Hot Dog Situations
@Backbypopulardemand we went through a bout of really bad gas and the gas drops and gripe water really helped. Also the tummy massages helped a lot. We just googled baby stomach massages and did what they did. I hope L starts feeling better!!!
@theshannondee I am so sorry to hear that!!! It sounds like a lot is going on. I think it's better sometimes to be numb than to freak out. When MJ cries for a while I freak out and that makes him even more fussy. Our dr says that no baby had died from crying so sometimes a good cry is good for them. How many weeks is E? Have you downloaded the wonder weeks app? Maybe he is going through a leap?
Sadly gas drops and gripe water don't do much for her at all. I've started doing the tummy massage and went to the dr to get her checked out but they just said its intestinal gas and not much to do for it and that she may need the pacifier between feedings because I may be over feeding her when she is rooting and she may just need to suck on something.
so far this has been effective praying it continues this way
@Backbypopulardemand AJ is really fussy and gassy too. Especially at night. I've found that the bicycle legs and tummy time help. Oddly, so does the way I hold his legs up to change his diaper.
@theshannondee look at the wonder weeks app like @Kellyj103 said. AJ has been extra fussy and clingy for the past two days and it's the perfect time for his first Leap in cognitive development. It helps to know what is going on and I can feel empathy for him and no guilt or failure.
@Backbypopulardemand Same here. He's done so many simple things that caused me to burst into tears. Usually trying to change our plans last minute or accidentally messing up DD's schedule. When things do go as planned, I freak out even though things usually turn out fine. Can't explain it.
@joleri23@Kellyj103@FTM53 Thanks ladies. Glad I'm not alone. I have been watching the WW app for a few weeks now and he definitely seems to be in the tail end of a leap. I think that just compounds my feelings and the fact that things are different with DH right now and our routine. We have E's two month appointment tomorrow so I might ask the pediatricians thought on the WW theory.
So many hugs to all of you ladies right now. I agree, I do feel numb sometimes when she's screaming and nothing is working, especially during the day when I'm home alone. The hardest though are those motn feedings when she is crying so much she won't latch and DH is still fast asleep. The support here is incredible, none of you are alone!
@schaze Seriously, how do these guys sleep through bloody murder?! Hugs to you, mamma. I've heard it gets better and like delivery you forget these bad moments and reminisce about when they "were this small".
@theshannondee yep I've totally felt bad for feeling numb but it seems like a protective reaction because those cries would be too distressing otherwise....... I try not to get hooked by the thought that there s something wrong with me for not freaking out more..... it also sounds like you're in a tough situation right now I hope your DH can offer more support soon though I get that he is also in a challenging situation...
It's tough that the thing that works to soothe the LO changes every few days! When there is smtg that works, that is... But for now it seems to be the carrier, so the carrier it is....
Any other mamas going/already gone back to work yet? I've known for a while that this week coming up would be my last week at home, but the closer it's getting the more I l can feel the anxiety creeping up on me. I'm not ready to leave my baby and I'm so nervous about trying to juggle working full time along with raising him by myself
@jjtruffles I go back to work on Friday! My anxiety is out of control! I am a mess! I also knew this day was coming but it is way harder now that it is almost here! I feel like I won't be able to juggle everything either!
I think I'm finally coming around to myself. The first week pp was super hard with Kyle being in hospital, the baby blues hit me hard. I've been feeling a lot better and only had one little crying session in the past two weeks. My anxiety still gets going when Kyle won't settle, he's actually a really good baby but I'm still finding my feet. BF keeps telling me I spoil him but I really don't think my cuddling of Kyle is spoiling him. I get so mad when he suggests letting Kyle cry it out, my baby is barely 3 weeks old, that's not going to happen. Men.
@LF93 research shows you can't spoil a baby under 3-4 months definitely and most researchers say a year. They are too young to learn to self soothe. Actually, not responding to them and not cuddling them is what hurts them. They need the love and to know that they can trust you'll take care of them. However, letting them cry it out every now then when you can't help it or are going out of your mind won't kill them.
I'll have to tell BF that so, I'll find some research online just to get the message across haha! I do think it's impossible to spoil a baby this young, all they need is love and some attention!
Anyone experience a reemergence of crazy hormones after the first bout of baby blues? I'm 7 weeks out and this week was either actually as emotionally frustrating as it was or my hormones are attacking me again. DH started grad school this week and I've hardly seen him, and when I have we just seem to irritate each other. Plus I've just been exhausted trying to get a lot done with a baby and feeling like nothing actually got done by the end of the day. I've had some good sleep with baby sleeping better at night, but I feel like crying if DH so much as looks at me funny and I feel like a failure when I don't accomplish everything I need to. I've even had people over helping me with projects all week....how do people do this on their own?? I hope this is just hormones making me feel terrible about everything, because I wanted to be getting better at this, not worse!
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
I had a rough week this past week. Elijah is 8 weeks now. I read that weeks 6-8 can be a fussy time. Hoping next week is better for both of us @winnie1122
@winnie1122 at 6.2 weeks and yesterday and today have been super rough. At one point today, LO and I were just wailing together for a minute or two. Not sure what it is, but it needs to hurry up and get through my system.
4 weeks pp today. DH was begging to have family come visit on very short notice when we had a large family event we were hosting later in the day. I cried so hard overwhelmed by the things I had to get done that he just carefully backed away and told his grandparents we would have to see them later.
I found myself almost mourning my pre-baby life. I miss the closeness I had with my husband, I miss being able to go out and get drunk whenever we wanted, I miss mountain trips on a whim, camping on a whim, going out with girl friends til all hours of the night etc. I love my baby and being a mom but it's hard to think that a lot of that stuff won't happen again for a while. I know I will not be a milk machine forever and will be able to do a lot of things later in life, but it's just hard to look back on found memories and know that my life is nothing like it used to be.
@arhodes6 I definitely miss the spontaneity of my old life. It isn't that simple anymore. That's for sure!! I miss a lot of the things you mentioned, too. I think that's all we can do....continue to tell ourselves this phase is only temporary. Soon they'll be so mobile that we can take the more places, they can stay overnight with family for personal getaways....and then I'm sure we'll come to miss these days, ironically enough!
@arhodes6 I am having the same feelings thinking about our old life. We had a great life and traveled a lot and it's scary to think of all the changes that will be happening and how M will fit into our new lives together. My sister is convinced I have ppd but I think it's really normal to have those thoughts during such a big change.
@sboston06 I totally agree this is normal. I don't feel depressed at all, just missing parts of my old life. I am very much looking forward towards my new life, it's just hard right now because we are stuck in the house and it takes a lot to go any where. But I am very happy with my boy and can't wait for the adventures I am going to have with him! Thanks for making me feel normal ladies!
@arhodes6 it's so hard to leave the house especially with the hot weather. I feel so much better when we do get out though. I think from now on I'm going to take a daily walk with DD if it's nice out and go for a drive even if the weather is crappy (or go to the store). Right now we stay home a lot and it's making me stir crazy! I think it's good for DD too when she sees something beyond these four walls.
I think it's totally normal to have these thoughts. Sometimes I wonder what would I be doing kid free? I also think the dynamics with H has changed a lot. Not entirely in a bad way but it's different. All of our focus isn't on each other, it's now on this new little person. I don't think that thinking about our pre kid life means you have PPD. I think it's such a huge change that its completely natural to compare how different things are now.
I'm with you all on missing my life pre-baby. I do love how she's changed DH and my relationship, but it's hard to know we won't be alone again until E moves out of the house, unless we have more kids, then it's waiting for our youngest! I'm really looking forward to dong things with her once she actually cares about her surroundings though. I think all these feelings are totally normal.
I too think wistfully about how easy and spontaneous our life was before LO and I definitely miss it. I love my baby but the days where I don't get a shower and I'm tied to a chair with spit up in my bra and milk stains on my shirt and all I've eaten is string cheese and granola bars while staring at a mountain of laundry and a sink full of dishes... It's hard.
I had a meltdown this morning at 5am. I'd fed LO and gotten her back to sleep, went and pumped, and then decided I'd try to go back to bed and get a little more sleep instead of doing some chores. But as soon as I crawled in bed DH woke up and started trying to feel me up. After a few minutes I finally burst into tears and said I just wanted to go back to sleep. I feel terrible and DH seemed a little traumatized by my meltdown, I just laid on him and cried for the remaining half an hour before he had to get up for work. Sleep is literally the only time no one needs anything from me and I was so angry that he was trying to steal that from me, but then the anger just made me feel guilty. All I could tell him was that I am tired. I think he thinks I mean I'm tired of our life, tired of him and the baby, which is not true. I just don't know how to explain to him how I feel. I am not superwoman.
@erin7264 I totally had a melt down last night over sleep! I had a headache and DS was being super fussy but all I could think about was sleep. I cried in the shower while DH rocked DS. I told DH I just wanted to go to sleep but I have to still be mom until DS goes to sleep for the night which was an hour and a feeding away. It's hard being sleep deprived! I feel much better this morning but last night I was a mess over it. I hope you get some sleep tonight
I also have the same feelings. Hubby and I were get up and go people and that's obviously completely changed now. However I think it's totally normal to feel like that when something changes so drastically. We're only human. I'm trying to enjoy the time with baby girl now as I'm sure once the whole 'snuggly hold me all the time' phase is done I'll miss it too.
@kellz14 It gets so much easier! I for one, am not a newborn phase fan. I don't miss it from my first either. I love the funny boy he is turning into and that we can have silly conversations. I am going through the same mourning my easy life too. However, I know it will get better, and I'm never doing this again! I got my 2 children and we are going to have tons of fun together!
Re: Postpartum mental health check in and PPD/PPA support
BFing is NOT easy, nothing about it is. It's painful, frustrating, exhausting, worrisome, angering, sometimes humiliating, and can be isolating.
I also don't feel that "different love". I love him for sure. I'd do anything for him and my heart melts at times, but at 4.5 weeks, I'm still kinda in survival mode.
Here's how I do my schedule (most of the time) and all times are approximates:
- 6am wake up - feed DS
- 6:30am, (once he's done eating and asleep again, put him back into bassinet and grab a quick shower
- 7am grab coffee and either frozen waffles or breakfast sandwich or other really quick breakfast
- 7:05 - eat said breakfast and drink coffee in the living room over LOs head because he woke up, watch morning news
- 8:00am put DS into mamaroo for his morning nap, either sleep myself OR start a single load of laundry, wash the floor, clean up a single room (something I can complete in the ~1 hour before I'm a milk cow again)
- 9-9:30 milk cow
repeat until ~12
- 12pm heat up a quick easy lunch - think microwave or premade (ramen, canned soup, leftovers
- Rinse & Repeat until dinner (I usually take at least 1 nap here
- Dinner - after DS 5ish feeding, I start dinner (30 min or less meals, spaghetti, shake & bake chicken, tacos ect) I make 4 servings (enough for two nights)
- When DS wakes up in the middle of me eating, I rush to finish while he cries, then feed him and DH cleans up from dinner.
I put DS down in his bassinet after his 8:30/9pm feeding then grab a beer, set up my coffee pot to ensure I have the life giving liquid for the next day, take a deep breath and prep myself for bed.
At 11ish, I crawl into bed and hope to do better the next day.
Meals are are easy because they are either quick grab items, or quick make dinners. I get 4 dinners for the work of 2 (saves time, money, and brain power).
Laundry I have organized so I do 1 load a day, 2 on Saturday, and Sunday the laundry room is closed.
Its not perfect and not easy, but it works. I'm still exhausted, but I get a shower and a nap, a small bit of housework, and some food. Hope this helps.
Much hugs
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
@theshannondee I am so sorry to hear that!!! It sounds like a lot is going on. I think it's better sometimes to be numb than to freak out. When MJ cries for a while I freak out and that makes him even more fussy. Our dr says that no baby had died from crying so sometimes a good cry is good for them. How many weeks is E? Have you downloaded the wonder weeks app? Maybe he is going through a leap?
July16 JULY siggy challenge
so far this has been effective praying it continues this way
@theshannondee look at the wonder weeks app like @Kellyj103 said. AJ has been extra fussy and clingy for the past two days and it's the perfect time for his first Leap in cognitive development. It helps to know what is going on and I can feel empathy for him and no guilt or failure.
Thanks ladies. Glad I'm not alone. I have been watching the WW app for a few weeks now and he definitely seems to be in the tail end of a leap. I think that just compounds my feelings and the fact that things are different with DH right now and our routine. We have E's two month appointment tomorrow so I might ask the pediatricians thought on the WW theory.
It's tough that the thing that works to soothe the LO changes every few days! When there is smtg that works, that is... But for now it seems to be the carrier, so the carrier it is....
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
July16 JULY siggy challenge
I had a meltdown this morning at 5am. I'd fed LO and gotten her back to sleep, went and pumped, and then decided I'd try to go back to bed and get a little more sleep instead of doing some chores. But as soon as I crawled in bed DH woke up and started trying to feel me up. After a few minutes I finally burst into tears and said I just wanted to go back to sleep. I feel terrible and DH seemed a little traumatized by my meltdown, I just laid on him and cried for the remaining half an hour before he had to get up for work. Sleep is literally the only time no one needs anything from me and I was so angry that he was trying to steal that from me, but then the anger just made me feel guilty. All I could tell him was that I am tired. I think he thinks I mean I'm tired of our life, tired of him and the baby, which is not true. I just don't know how to explain to him how I feel. I am not superwoman.