Postpartum mental health check in and PPD/PPA support

abpl2014

In the newborn thread there was an interest in starting a thread specifically for discussing our postpartum mental health and a place to openly talk about PPD/PPA. Being a new mom brings lots of emotions and I hope this will be a place we can provide support for each other so we can be the best moms to our new babies,by keeping ourselves healthy. 
I am currently battling PPD and PPA. With Henry's arrival 12 weeks early my emotions have been all over the place. 2 weeks ago I finally talked to my Dr. and started on Zoloft. I struggle every day with feeling guilty about Henry being born too early because my body did not do its job. Today is especially going to be tough as today is Henry's due date, and we are still in the NICU and with Henry still working on eating we do not have an estimated going home date. I am so grateful every day for Henry and his health but I am ready to go home abe have some normalcy. Every day we are in the NICU and away from home I feel worse and more broken and exhausted mentally and emotionally. I am constantly worried and having anxiety about Henry staying healthy and growing and developing like he should. The Dr. Said the Zoloft could take up to 3 weeks to make a difference so I'm hoping in the upcoming week I will start to feel better because I don't think I can keep feeling so awful much longer. This being a mom thing is tough business!
I hope this will be a place where we can help each other during this new phase of our lives. 

whataboutscience

@abpl2014 Thanks for starting this! What you are going through is tough and I imagine I would be having the same feelings. You're doing a great job by taking care of him as much as you can and yourself.

Still pregnant but pretty sure I had PPA last time with my very colicky DD. I had pretty much 24 hour a day help for 12 weeks and still averaged less than 4 hours of sleep each day. I seriously feel like I almost have PTSD from it and just felt like a failure of a mom all the time because she was never happy. She hardly slept and if she wasn't nursing, she was basically always screaming so loud it hurt your ears to hold her. I've been struggling with some degree of anxiety this pregnancy worried this baby could be similar and wondering how I would handle it with a toddler.

megstervt

I'm still pregnant but am VERY happy to see this thread.  I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time and while my pregnancy has been smooth in that regard, I am nervous about what is to come.  Much of my mental health is hormone/cycle related and I think the way pregnancy hormones work I have avoided many of my chemical triggers; I also think post-partum hormone shifts will not be so kind. 

@abpl2014 I was on Zoloft a couple years ago.  I found that I started to feel effects after about 1 week and then reached the maximum benefit and leveling off at about 4 weeks.  You could start to feel some positive changes sooner so hang in there!

rnyland1

@abpl2014 when DS1 was only 14 months old we spent a month in the picu due to a very bad case of RSV/pneumonia. Watching my son almost die and spending night after night in a hospital room almost broke me -- so I can't even imagine what it's like to be in there for weeks and weeks, especially without an end date. I'm glad you're remembering to take care of yourself too! You may have a long road ahead of you still but your baby is getting stronger each day! Eventually you will find your "normalcy" again. And don't forget it's ok to leave the hospital for a little bit. You deserve a break.

I'm also with @whataboutscience on this. DS1 was very colicky in the first few months of his life and I've also been feeling very anxious/overwhelmed that I may have to deal with that again AND a toddler.  I want to nurse DS2 but I am not going to make myself into a martyr this time! If nursing is really a struggle that it is affecting my mental health then I will be switching to formula when needed and not waiting until I'm at my wits end. I'll also be taking Zoloft from the start this time so I'm hoping that will ease the transition as well. Good luck to all the other moms out there who are struggling and remember, it's ok to ask for help!

[Deleted User]

Thanks for starting this! @abpl2014 you are a great mom, and Henry knows that! Keep taking good care of yourself. Hopefully the Zoloft kicks in soon. Hugs 

joleri23

Thanks for starting this thread @abpl2014! You're doing a great job in a very difficult situation so try to be kind to yourself. I hope the Zoloft starts to help soon!

I'm 2.5 weeks PP and wondering when you would start questioning if you have PPD/PPA? I've had some really bad days lately, but then today is fine... I have a dr. appointment today and I'm hesitant to say anything because I think it's too early to tell. Back in the day I took Paxil and I really didn't like it. I know they have different and better antidepressants but I'm always hesitant to take pills - it took me 18 years to get migraine medication! I'm probably putting the cart before the horse by worrying about medication at this point. My brain is all over the place.

deuxbouledogues

So glad to see this thread. My baby blues are gone and I am grateful. I've never suffered any sort of anxiety or depression and so that fog was only a small taste of how hard I know it can be for some people. It's so crucial to keep ourselves mentally well during this tricky time of learning to care for a newborn. 
I did have a bad bad day Monday. E cried the whole day, it was Tyler's first full day back at work, and the dogs were clingy and wild. At one point I had to put E (screaming) in his swing while I cried and gave myself a couple minutes away. I never felt like hurting him or anything like that but it was the first time I've felt totally overwhelmed and needed to get away from him. I know that's normal but it was a very sad afternoon for everyone. 

foxa319

@abpl2014 you are a strong wonderful mama!

I've been struggling with I think some baby blues and a just overwhelmed feeling over the past several weeks. I feel like I didn't really notice it but my husband has brought up several times that i just don't seem myself and then I hung out with my best girlfriend on Monday and she also mentioned I just seemed distracted and a little down. Hearing this from 2 ppl really has made me more aware of it. I'm really not much of a homebody and always like to be out doing things, when ds was born I had him out all the time. Now between ds who is 13 months and LO I just feel trapped at home. I've gotten out twice with the 2 of them just to go to target but it's so difficult to work around their eating and nap schedules! Dh keeps telling me to make plans with friends but I went to dinner with 2 girl friends on Tuesday night and he called me after an hour Saying that both kids were screaming and he couldn't handle it on his own. I've never been one with depression or anxiety so this is a different feeling for me. Glad to have this thread for support! 

austinjl

Thanks for starting this thread!

last night was rough.  He didn't want to be fed or sleep, he just kept crying and it's like I couldn't comfort him.  I woke my husband up for help but I feel bad doing that because he has to get up for work.

other than that, I do feel anxious.  I'm worried an accident will happen to him or he'll get hurt somehow.  I'm worried people will be mean to him.  My mom and husband were talking about race relations yesterday and I just started crying because I couldn't handle listening to that conversation.  I'm also worried about taking him out.  I have done it once in my own and almost left the store because I was so anxious.  But we made it.  I'm not sure how much of this is normal or if it's too much anxiety.  I was thinking of proactively scheduling a therapy appt so it doesn't get worse.

being a mom is hard!

arhodes6

@abpl2014 I am so sorry you are going through that. I hope the Zoloft makes a difference for you soon! I had to stay in the hospital a few extra days because my LO was jaundiced (obviously nothing like what you are going through) and I was a mess so I can't imagine how hard this is on you. You are being so strong for Henry! The fact that you were able to recognize that you needed a little help is amazing. Keep being strong, it will all be worth it in the end. 

Now that we are finally home from the hospital, I feel like my hormones are getting better. I still struggle day to day, but I am only 9 days pp so I think this is still baby blues. I will be sure to keep an eye on it though in the up coming days. 

Racso12

I'm glad this thread was started! Like many of you I too think I'm suffering from some baby blues. The last three days as night approaches I've been getting very emotional. I dread nighttime because I know Rowan is going to be up every hour or less. I try to keep my crying hidden from my husband because I know he already feels helpless because feeding is solely on my shoulders. I don't want him to feel worse. I'm not a big crier so this has left me feeling very weak. Hoping these feelings pass soon. 

deuxbouledogues

@Racso12 This will feel meaningless now but I promise nights get better. My husband and I were just talking about how in the first 2+ weeks we DREADED nights. Like the same way you hate Sunday evenings knowing work is coming in the morning. I think we felt more unified after that conversation and could even laugh about it. Of course there were lots of tears before then. Keep trucking along, you can do it.

TiffRox81

Today was day one on my own and I felt like I was handling it all ok. Stupid me, I chose to wake her up around 3 because I wanted to try and take some pictures. She woke, ate, then was wide awake until 5:45! She'd cry the second I put her down and it took me over an hour of walking and rocking to get her into a sleep. I felt pretty proud of
myself for finally getting her down. Then my husband called to tell me he has a work errand to run after work and wouldn't be home til like 7:30 and I kinda lost it after I got off the phone with him. Much like you, @Racso12 I don't want to let on how tough and exhausting it feels but it really is!! I cannot wait for those better nights you speak of @theshannondee!! I think that's where my sadness came from - just thinking how he'll be here for like two hours awake with me before I'm on my own again. Ugh!! 

abpl2014

Thank you everyone for the support! It's nice to have somewhere I can talk about how I'm feeling. My poor DH has been amazing through all of this. I have found it helpful to really be open with him about everything that has helped also, I would recommend all you ladies to keep open communication with your husbands or partners! You guys are all great mamas and we are all strong! 

[Deleted User]

Hang in there, ladies! You are all amazing moms.

I've had a really rough week. It's DH's first week back to work, and I'm home alone with E all day. She doesn't want to be put down at all. I've tried putting her in her swing so I can make a snack or use the bathroom, and within minutes she's screaming. Yesterday I had a slight meltdown after DH got home because she wouldn't even let him hold her so I could get a break. I think she might be getting my cold and that's why she's so clingy, but it's really wearing on me.

am0987

I've been struggling with the same thing
@schaze ! My LO refuses to be put down and my DH is just not as gentle with him, and has very little patience. I'm considering getting one of those things to wear my LO around the house so that I can get things done. I feel like one day though, we'll miss these days where all our babies want is to be held. I keep trying to tell myself that.

TiffRox81

@schaze It is very tough and easily wears you down. I get it!! I was going to ask if you have something to wear her in? I think that's going to be what saves me too midweek from meltdowns. She liked the ergo the other night for a neighborhood walk. I'm hoping she'll like it around the house. Even a bathroom trip, listening to them scream is painful!! My husband is quick to think I'm the answer too. He'll try but if she remains fussy he assumes my magic touch is what she needs.

At the doctors office today I asked a bit about the fussiness and this stage. He "assured" me the first 6 weeks are the toughest. He said nothing is routine and that's just how it is. But around 6 weeks things turn around for the better!! Is it wrong to start a countdown on my phone to her 6 week mark?! Lol

BettyRu

My LO is 4do, I feel better this time but it's still early.  I was pretty open with my  OB about how tough it was last time, and LO's emergency csection puts me at a higher rush, so a nurse is going to visit at some point.  

[Deleted User]

@TiffRox81 yeah, I have an Infantino carrier, but there are so many straps and things, I want to make sure I 100% have it figured out before I use it with her. I really hope it's true what they say about 6 weeks!

megstervt

**TW: discussion of specific fears that may trigger you.

I'm not postpartum yet, but am wondering if any of you were experiencing mental health struggles prior to birth?  I've noticed in the past 2-3 weeks my anxiety is growing.  I had a panic attack in the middle the night about 2 weeks ago.  My anxiety is not directly related to pregnancy, birth or parenting though.  Instead I'm finding that I'm having obsessive thoughts about bad things happening or accidents...someone breaking into the house, my pets getting hurt, car accidents, etc.  In the moment there is part of my brain that can rationally say "these things are unlikely to happen, this is anxiety" but I feel like I can't stop perseverating about them.  I don't know how much of this is normal and how much this is something I should be more concerned about.  I have an OB appointment Monday and was thinking of bringing it up then too.

deuxbouledogues

@megstervt I don't think it hurts to bring it up! She might have some things for you to keep an eye on PP given your anxiety. 
I had similar fears during my stretch of baby blues. I was filled with worried Elliott would get kidnapped, someone would break in, we would get carjacked while out with him, things unlikely to happy really especially in our neighborhood. My doctor wasn't too worried as I was logical about those things happening but she just had me (and Tyler) keep an eye on how much those thoughts interfered with my daily life. When the baby blues ended those thoughts largely ended too. I mean I still worry but now it's not overwhelming. 

megstervt

thanks @shannondee.  At this point I don't find it interfering, but I'm concerned about how much worse it could get afterwards since I didn't really anticipate this type of anxiety before hand.  I'll definitely bring it up and see what the doctor thinks!

deuxbouledogues

@megstervt good plan. I think it's always better to feel prepared. We are always here to support too! 

BettyRu

@megstrevt the more you open up about your feelings now (with family and dr) the easier it will be for you to do so after LO comes.  Leading up to DS's birth, my husband would go play hockey and I'd think "don't die", like be careful driving and such... verbalizing and talking to people really helps.  Good luck and keep talking!!!!

megstervt

@bettyru my DH is completely aware, I'm 100% transparent with him and he's awesome.  I've been open with my doctor that this is an area of concern for me in general, though my pregnancy has been pretty good in this regard
so there hasn't been much to report to them before now. I definitely don't have any issue talking about it, I just wasn't sure what was normal and what was unusual. 

holly142

@megstervt- I don't normally struggle with anxiety but I was lots more anxious the couple weeks before DD2 was born. I blame it on all the changing hormones and the unknown of what is going to happen! It sounds similar to your concerns. DD2 is now 15 days old and my anxiety is much better. The only times I start to feel anxious is when DD2 is sleeping. However, I say a prayer asking for protection for her and that I am leaving her in God's hands. I don't know if you are religious but praying helps me feel much calmer. Either way, I hope your anxiety is much better after your LO is born!

[Deleted User]

@megstervt hugs! Good plan to bring it up with your OB just in case, but hope it gets better after baby!

LNess

Hi all
I know I'm more of a lurker then a contributer and since I am still pregnant (EDD today) and a FTM, I completely understand if you choose to ignore this post but I wanted to share the tip my mother gave me. 

PPD is very common in my family and the  doctors here don't normally prescribe anything for it. Instead they recommend taking Omega 3-pills. So when I reached 36 weeks, my mother sent me three large bottles of fish oil pills. I take two of them with water before bed, and my DH even commented that I seem calmer and more balanced lately. When my aunt suffered from PPD, her doctors recommended to double the dose. 

This is just a tip that has worked for my family. I hope you all find a way to deal and find some  relife. Best of luck! 

Jodi1980

@abpl2014 rooting for you and DH bringing Henry home very soon and a kudos for starting this thread! 
While I'm not looking to go through PPD, I have had extensive depression throughout my life and it's something my doctor and I have discussed should it rear it's ugly head! 
Both losing my mother at age 8 in a car accident, my father being a loser and incarcerated for life at age 3 and 1/2,  I'm not exactly the poster child for parenting 101.
I have been fortunate with staying on the straight and narrow, being extremely blessed with DH, his family and continued support from my extended family and friends as well. In the end all I want to have is something I didn't! A somewhat normal life and family for LO!
You all are amazing ladies! I want to put it out here now that if it wasn't for TB and not coming here almost daily as a FTM, becoming knowledgeable with both simple and complex topics, I honestly think I'd be walking into motherhood blindsided. A bit off topic so thank you for sharing  your stories! 

Serpica

@megstervt yes I've had the same kind of anxiety and obsessive thoughts both before and after pregnancy and birth; it's well managed with medication and at this point the main thing to monitor is not whether I have the thoughts but how I manage them... So it's probably fairly normal to have more obsessive thoughts and anxiety given the stress/fatigue/changes we face in this period (especially if we've been vulnerable to them in the past). However if they start to interfere (e.g., you can't do things you need to do, the distress you experience is stronger and lasts longer without relief, etc.), that's probably when to add another layer of help... It's great that you're bringing this up with your provider so everyone can be on the lookout to support you!! 

@abpl2014 You are such a wonderful mom and are doing so much to take good care of Henry! I just read in the other thread (feeding) that you've made the decision to stop pumping to lower your stress levels; that makes complete sense, pumping is so time-consuming and the costs/benefits don't make it worth it right now! We face so many tough decisions - pumping/feeding, medications to take care of ourselves, how much help to ask for from others, etc... the ones you are making seem really wise and reasonable, I hope you give yourself a ton of credit for taking care of yourself!! I wish all of this paid off quicker, but day by day, week by week, month by month I hope that it's going to get somewhat easier... Loved seeing Henry's picture in the HDBD thread!!! 

abpl2014

@Serpica thank you for the encouraging words! I am so glad to have a place with awesome support! It is challenging to remember to take care of myself but I am slowly learning the better job I do of taking care of myself the better mom I can be! 

@megstervt I'm glad that you are being open about how you are feeling now. That way after baby is born you will have a baseline to go off of. One thing I reccomend is to not hide your feelings. I wish I would have talked to someone earlier than when I did. You are doing a great thing by already expressing to your Dr. How you are feeling, We all deserve to feel happy and not hide our feelings. 

mamafox14

I've had anxiety issues in the past and they tend to manifest as obsession with bad things happening to people (among other things). I've felt overall pretty okay since I've been home but I keep having these obsessive thoughts that he has a fever and then once I think it I have to take his temperature three or four times to be sure. It's been normal every time but I can't seem to shake it. I'm hoping this is just an adjustment period and it's normal to be worried about a new baby but I'm keeping an eye on it. Anyone else having similar feelings or found good anxiety coping strategies? 

allthingscozy

Sorry I haven't been very active lately. Lily is 1 week old today. I have definitely been struggling emotionally since we have been home. I know hormones are normal but crying off and on all day and feeling anxious and overwhelmed is so so hard. 

my mom is coming today for several days to help during the day which I think should help me make sure I get rest and can relax but man this is so so hard! 

winnie1122

@Backbypopulardemand It is hard and overwhelming and PP hormones are crazy, but you've got this momma! I'm glad you have help for a few days, sometimes just being able to step away and rest is a huge deal!

I've been feeling the same way this week, the first two weeks I think just went so fast and we had so many people coming around that I didn't have time to think, let alone know how to feel, but now it's all caught up with me and I've been an exhausted and frustrated mess. DH has been trying to use the rest of his time off to tackle some of our long put-off house projects before he starts grad school in August and so I've been more on my own taking care of the baby this week. I'm not as good at handling that as I thought I would be, and it's frustrating. DH had to step in today because the baby was crying and I was crying and I couldn't get ahold of myself enough to calm the baby down. I love being a mom, but it really is hard. I'm thankful to have a lot of family close by, but at the same time I'm tired of people coming over...for two weeks we literally had people at our house for at least three hours every single day, and some days it was just a constant stream of people wanting to come visit. My mom has been over just about every other day, and I know she just wants to see her grandson and I'm glad she loves him so much, but I've been in a terrible state to play hostess for anyone and it wears me out to have so many visitors when I'm tired and overwhelmed, but I don't feel like I can tell them not to come. Didn't mean to go on a complain-a-thon...just a bad day today. Didn't even manage a shower, so that's not helping my mood any! 

mamafox14

@winnie1122 hugs mama! This stage is definitely overwhelming at times! And while it is nice having people want to shower love on our babies it can be really stressful too. I've had to tell my MIL a few times now that it's not a good day for her to come by ne a use while I know she wants to be helpful it actually makes it harder on me to gave extra people around while I'm trying to learn how to do all of this. 

You are doing wonderfully!

TiffRox81

@winnie1122 Oh man that's a lot of visitors!!! Don't feel bad about not wanting them to come or spacing them out! You've got lots of adjusting to do and so does baby. I found the closer together I allowed guests, the more overstimulated and hard to calm Layla was. I started spacing people out at least one day between each other so we'd have just one day of us for our "normal" routine. It helped! And helped me too! Entertaining is a lot of pressure, even if it's your family!!! Hopefully things settle down for you soon. Glad DH was able to step in and relieve you. No better help than that!

whataboutscience

@winnie1122 No way would I feel bad about turning away some of those visits. I'm also not shy about asking people to leave if I am tired or baby needs to nurse/is fussy. I always find hosting exhausting and stressful. With a newborn, I only allow what I feel is absolutely necessary to be kind to family. All of our family lives by us and DH's is pretty big due to divorce and remarriage, so we probably won't see friends for a good month because it's just too much.

winnie1122

Thanks ladies, I think today was the first day since he was born that we didn't see anyone else and hopefully the rest of the week will be the same so I can attempt to figure out a routine. Maybe that will help! 

Heathereaddy

Definitely feel like I have a case of the baby blues. I'm just feel so overwhelmed especially with the breastfeeding and feeling like that's all I'm doing all day long. My LO's latch as gotten better but it's still hit or miss at times. I feel like she's rarely just up and content. She's either sleeping or nursing which is frustrating. It's been a real struggle and a long 2 weeks. I can't wait for this to get better. I'm tired of crying. 

erin7264

Hang in there @Heathereaddy! We have those days too. Today my LO seems to know when I'm trying to do anything, she wakes up every time I get her to sleep as soon as I walk away. I really wanted to get the house cleaned up.  

jlmartinez517

This first 2 weeks postpartum were definitely the toughest. I feel like finally on the 3rd week we've gotten the hang of things and are feeling more with it and dealing with the sleep/feed routines. I'm hoping it only gets better from here on out!