Postpartum Mental Health Check In

AliKay20 · August 2016

Hope this thread can be a safe & supportive place for us mamas to share our feelings and support each other as we go through the baby blues/PPD/PPA. Whether you're a FTM or STM's & beyond, you are not alone.

AliKay20 · August 2016

Okay, finally a break for me to unwind with baby asleep on chest (I was BFing her when I created this thread and let's just say the LO wasn't going to let me off the hook that easily).

Here I am at week 5, with people's advice on night duty split, I thought I had it down! DH would nurse at 12 AM and 7 AM. I just needed to get up at 3 AM. We got this. I thought I had more energy this week than any other weeks PP so I looked forward to a productive week for once.

Well, just when I felt the progress and confidence of this whole mommyhood thing, I took a nap from 12-4 PM today and felt like I wasted a whole day - setting me to feel disappointed in myself...all over again. Laundry wasn't done like I had planned and the overdue thank you cards? Forget it.

Just as I felt all the emotions from this, I got kind of sick of myself for feeling this way. I changed my perspective and said to myself if I can do one load of laundry today, then it was a productive day. And so I did just that - there's a weird sense of satisfaction in doing laundry (or there's something in Dreft that's just magical). Someone told me what I needed to hear about shaming myself for taking a 4 hour nap: It was exactly what my body needed; no need to shame myself for that!

They were right. I realize again that sometimes, I need to put my needs first.

There are good days and bad days - I think I'm going to be self reflecting a lot on this journey.

TCUFrog08 · August 2016

DH asked why I haven't been taking naps during the day while DS sleeps. I told him that there were things that needed to be done i.e. House being cleaned, laundry, small trips to the grocery store etc and I didn't want him to come home to a dirty house after working all day and think "Geez, what does she do all day? Lay around and nap?"

His immediate response was "You need your sleep. Why do you think I'd think like that?"

It hit me... That was what I THOUGHT of myself. So tomorrow, I'm taking a nap. I deserve it!

jacmkelley · August 2016

I'm napping when baby naps and completely leaving the house for "later". I officially had my first feeling of resentment last night waking up to feed baby. He had nursed for about 30 min and fell asleep I put him back down and he was up fussing. I knew he was wanting to keep eating and I just huff and puffed up until I had him in my arms again.
I am exhausted. And @AliKay20 DH and I have come up with a night shift, I'm so excited to get some sleep longer than 3 hours!!!

kriley602774 · August 2016

I have mentally been feeling much better this time around than I did with my DS a few years ago. I had my first good cry a few nights ago when I went in to check on my 2 year old in bed when he was fussing. Since I was a RCS, I can't lift him which means dad is doing bath time and much of bedtime since he's still in a crib. I participate where I can but it seems like DD is always hungry right when little man is getting ready to down. He gave me a hug and kiss when I checked on him and I asked if he wanted me to sing to him like I normally do to calm him down. His response, "no." Followed by "mommy, downstairs." That was a nice kick in the gut, he didn't want me. I left his room and just cried. I miss our nighttime routine together. I anticipate this will get much better when I can lift him again and have a nice stock of pumped breast milk so dad can switch duties with me occasionally.

jacmkelley · August 2016

kriley602774 said:

I have mentally been feeling much better this time around than I did with my DS a few years ago. I had my first good cry a few nights ago when I went in to check on my 2 year old in bed when he was fussing. Since I was a RCS, I can't lift him which means dad is doing bath time and much of bedtime since he's still in a crib. I participate where I can but it seems like DD is always hungry right when little man is getting ready to down. He gave me a hug and kiss when I checked on him and I asked if he wanted me to sing to him like I normally do to calm him down. His response, "no." Followed by "mommy, downstairs." That was a nice kick in the gut, he didn't want me. I left his room and just cried. I miss our nighttime routine together. I anticipate this will get much better when I can lift him again and have a nice stock of pumped breast milk so dad can switch duties with me occasionally.

Oh honey, I think this is so normal! I have seen so many women here and friends that have older children who handle a new sibling so gracefully. Who are excited about the new baby and seem ok.
DD who will be 3 in October was so disconnected from DS and I both for the first week postpartum. I mean I cried like you are saying too. It broke my heart. I was trying to join in on things or ask her to come snuggle and she wasn't interested. Just give him a few days. I bet he decides he does want you around after all

. But don't be hard on yourself right now that sweet baby needs you and DS will come around. The initial adjustment is definitely hard.

while I was still in the hospital DD came to visit and wanted me to color with her. As she was waking to the bed my mother handed me DS and she stopped in her tracks. I'll never forget, and it literally crushed me inside. She looked at me stopped smiling turned around and sat on the ground instead. She didn't want to be with me if I had him. It broke my heart. In my mind she was going to be this comforting, loving, affectionate big sister and she didn't even want to see him. Now she's all over it! Baby brother is sooo cute and she wants to give him kisses all of the time.
Ill be thinking of you! I hope it gets better ASAP!! Just know you aren't alone!

Curls919 · August 2016

For some reason my baby blues are much better than with DS1. I remember just sitting on the couch the day DH went back to work holding the baby and crying for hours. This time I've only cried once or twice but I have found that I'm a lot more ragey. Like almost anything DH says to me pisses me off. he maybe deserves half of my rage

right now i can get some housework done each day but I'm also allowing myself to take a break and enjoy snuggling a sleeping baby on the couch, which i can do when DS1 is at camp or napping. But camp ends tomorrow so we'll see how much I actually do in the next 3 weeks before school starts!

edited because TB ate half my post

Stephanie7693 · August 2016

@kriley602774 same hwre. Although my kids are 6 and 10, my 6 year old became daddy's boy as soon as ds2 was born. He understands more, but he still feels left out. He asked if I still loved him and dd a few days ago. That hurt. I just keep explaining how babies need lots of attention from mommy, and he did too when he was a baby. I try to do one special thing with him a day. He's getting better a little at a time, and now will sit with me and kiss and stare at the baby saying how cute he is and how great it is to have a brother!

Jaspertheyoungturnip · August 2016

Baby blues are hard. I look at my baby, and most of the time, it's overwhelming how much I love him. Other times, my brain swears there's no way this is my baby. And not in a "he's too perfect" way, but a disconnected sort of way. I love him, and I'm not having any scary feelings of wanting to hurt him or anyone else. My emotions are just so out of touch, I feel so distant from him and my DH.

squishy0511 · August 2016

I think I may have some post Partum anxiety. I had anxiety prior to pregnancy, but now I seem to be excessively anxious and worried about baby's safety. Yesterday I was so anxious and upset all day because I started thinking about how sometimes baby is so fast to fling his head back (like when burping him for example) and I started thinking that I could cause him brain damage etc. I know logically I've blown it out of proportion but I can't help it. I'm also terrified of driving him and constsntly worry about SIDS. Hopefully this worrying subsides, I'm sure lack of sleep doesn't help!

Stephanie7693 · August 2016

@squishy0511 I'm like that too, but I've been that way since I had my first almost 11 years ago. But it did get bad enough after kid 2 was born that I was on antI anxiety meds for a year or so. I got to the point of almost having panic attacks over my thoughts. Definitely see a doc if it starts to really interfere with your day to day life.

Stephanie7693 · August 2016

Now that I'm through the first week pp, I feel much better. I think I had baby blues. I still am sleep deprived some days and stressed, but not more than I anticipated. Today my mom babysat my big kids while I ran a couple errands and spent a couple hours at a friend's house. It felt so good to be out, even with Levi in tow. I realized I'm not ready to be away from him yet. I left him at home while I picked up my daughter yesterday. I was gone for less than 20 minutes and I felt like part of me was missing. I'll try again in a couple weeks lol

AliKay20 · August 2016

@squishy0511 totally not alone! I worry about SIDS & check on baby all the time. Add that to other anxiety causing factors -- my main thing right now is going back to work leaving baby for longer than an hour max -- plus exhaustion, stress, and you get one pretty emotional mama!

I dreamt of something bad happening to a complete stranger (no relations to this character at all in real life). I woke up and just worried because of it - took some time to shake it off!

On another note, I notice I'm very snappy at DH lately. My level of tolerance jumps from 0-100 in a split second.

ballofmeat · August 2016

I think day three was my first mental breakdown day. No sleep and physical pain = bad. I'm hoping that as each day goes by it gets better and better. I wish birth wasn't so hard on our bodies. I would be able to enjoy our DD more. I feel like I'm missing out on taking it all in these last few days because of it.

jacmkelley · August 2016

midwestbaby said:

I think day three was my first mental breakdown day. No sleep and physical pain = bad. I'm hoping that as each day goes by it gets better and better. I wish birth wasn't so hard on our bodies. I would be able to enjoy our DD more. I feel like I'm missing out on taking it all in these last few days because of it.

Here I am responding to you again lol I think our schedules are very similar right now!

Ive not experienced all that you did - but I can vouch for even a perfectly textbook delivery can still be hard to feel present for everything. With everything you just done with your body and emotionally you're just flat out overwhelmed. With both both of my deliveries by day 3 I was exhausted ready to be home and definitely crying. The first week postpartum is extremely emotional. I can't imagine the added stress from your tear. I said it on another thread maybe even this one, but my mom has always said that the first two weeks postpartum are harder than pregnancy itself. You just are adjusting to your normal self and there is so much that comes with that. And for you there is more pain, healing and adjusting. Everything you're feeling is normal but it will get better. Time really does heal all and in a week you'll feel better than you do now. I know that's not a magical answer but I want you to know that you are not alone!

Stephanie7693 · August 2016

@midwestbaby @jacmkelley first week is so hard, the second is too but not as much. There were definitely lots of tears for me the first week, and feeling overwhelmed, on top of all the physical changes and pain. It really does get better soon. Don't be afraid to ask for help and take care of yourself.

ballofmeat · August 2016

Thank you @jacmkelley I can't wait until I am physically able to take care of her without help.

Curls919 · August 2016

I'm starting to struggle a bit with holding myself together. Since A was born we have been dealing with jaundice (which finally went away), his possible inability to regulate his temp (we worried about that from last wed - fri), now he's not gaining weight (he was gaining an ounce a day until Monday and today hadn't gained anything since). Plus they just discovered a faint heart murmur so we have to see a cardiologist next week to make sure it's not something we need to worry about. I just feel like everything is so out of my control and the one thing I'm doing for him (breastfeeding) seems to be failing him.

charmedlifex3 · August 2016

Struggling a lot actually. I'm hoping being home will help. The unexpected emergency c section really through me for a loop.
From the start I had hoped for a med free, intervention free birth. The induction was as low impact as possible - more a jump start than synthetic labor. I had come to terms with replacing the labor and delivery I wanted with one that ended with a safe baby. Then it seemed like a miracle.. I was doing it. As painful as it was, I could do this - I could trust my body to do it.
And it was such a quick turnaround... From a beautiful, natural thing to an unwanted surgery, recovery and constant barrier between me and my son. I cant get in and out of bed, or off the couch holding him. The pain killers are making me clumsy and sleepy. I fell asleep nursing him, with him laying on me. The nurse didn't even have the heart to scold when she saw how horrified I was when she woke me.
I keep having nightmares about the surgery too, so I haven't slept much.

lblu43 · August 2016

@Allisun85 Hang in there. Speaking from experience of 2 Cs now (Emerg & RCS) it will get easier. The meds are there to help ease your recovery, and as much as I agree "pain free"- they do serve a purpose. Even being my 2nd time, DH argued with me several times bc I refused meds in recovery. I finally relented to lodose Norco on day 3. As the nurse explained it, just get it to a level of "bearable" so you can function.

We've been home for a week now, and I'm proud to have been able to drop to motrin only. That and the Duc stool softener. The last few days have been hard though keeping to schedule. Sleep deprivation is not easy. Even with alarms and writing times down etc.

kriley602774 · August 2016

@Allisun85 I'm sorry about your experience, but know it will get easier. I've now had 2 CS, though after the first my DS was taken to a NICU 2 hours away leaving me to recover for 2 days away from him. It was a terrible experience. As soon as I was released I went to be with him and with all the stress, walking at the other hospital etc, I overdid it and once home was having terrible pain, vomiting, fevers. Luckily, this time was completely different and recovery has been so much better. But really, as much as pain meds can suck, they are really there to take the edge off enough to care for your little one. Accept all the help you can get in the first few weeks of your recovery. Hang in there momma, you can do it!

ballofmeat · August 2016

@Allisun85

You are doing a great job mama. I know it must be really hard to not be able to get up and do things for your son. But what is helping me is to keep in mind that taking the time to heal is doing something for our LOs.

I have been praying for you ever since I read your birth story. You are quite the Warrior mom! I don't think I could have been half as tough as you!

ballofmeat · August 2016

@lblu43 we are in day five now and I think I'm right at that same point. No sleep whatsoever and trying to ween off some of my meds, but DH still has to help me out of bed

We bought a whiteboard to help track feedings, diapers, and my meds. It seems to be helping because I can barely remember which boob I fed last on, let alone when I took my last med.

lblu43 · August 2016

@Allisun85 The whiteboard is a great idea! I've also got a list in the bathroom. To be honest, I've had to refer to it several times-just to remember what day it is.

Glow baby is also a really good phone app. It lets you track feedings, diapers, meds, sleep, and other notes. There are additional features on the $ one, but I've found the free version just fine. You csn also share it to other phones for your DH.

No more Miss! · August 2016

I know others have suggested certain apps and I know there are tons of them. This one was free and recommended to me. It's a free breastfeeding (or pumping/bottle feeding/FF) app, that works great.
It times each side (or bottle and mls) so you know which side and how long. And also tells you how long it's been since your last feed.
It has been super helpful in the MOTN too.

This is one is just so simple. It's all I need to stay sane (feeding wise, lol).

jacmkelley · August 2016

midwestbaby said:

@lblu43 we are in day five now and I think I'm right at that same point. No sleep whatsoever and trying to ween off some of my meds, but DH still has to help me out of bed

We bought a whiteboard to help track feedings, diapers, and my meds. It seems to be helping because I can barely remember which boob I fed last on, let alone when I took my last med.

I read somewhere to buy cute rubber bands and swap the hand it's on every time you feed. Then you'll know which side you nursed with last!

kriley602774 · August 2016

@jacmkelley yes to above! I hadn't thought of that on my own but on Instagram had seen a "NursElet" to wear on your wrist to remember which side last nursed on and it also can wrap around your shirt to help hold it up out of LO's face while nursing. They're cute, but certainly a bracelet, hair tie or something like that would also work (for less cost!).

ballofmeat · August 2016

This all reminds me that we bought a baby app called baby connect a month or so ago to help track this stuff...I totally forgot. It's supposed to sink between DH and my phone. I guess I could give it a try today.!

Stephanie7693 · August 2016

I've been using my medela to track feeding and diapers and pumping. It definitely helps

TCUFrog08 · August 2016

We are formula feeding. I use an app called BabyNursing. It was a great help when I suspected that DS wasn't too happy with his formula. I was able to look back and see his avg oz amount and total amount per day was much lower. It also has the ability to set a reminder after so many hours after a feeding. Nice to not have to worry about it " When was the last time he ate" there would be a reminder pop up automatically at 3 hours for us.

Bookhousegirl · August 2016

I just use a hair tie on my wrist on the side that I've last fed on. I'm not always conscious enough to input info into an app, so this seems to be the only system I can stick to right now.

ashleybaker712 · August 2016

We were continuing the chart they gave us in the hospital but after a few days, I couldn't keep up with it.

I have to say, I'm having a much harder time this time around than I did with DS. I had a RCS, the pain seems much worse, I've needed a lot more help, and I can't seem to be able to rest. DH took 2 weeks off of work to be home helping but last week, he had about 15 interviews (he's in law school). This coming week, he has things for law review, a call back interview (with the highest paying firm in our area), panels to attend for orientation of the new class, and a few other things.

He has so much going on, I don't want to bother him by asking for help. Not to mention DS and DH have been butting heads like no other! DS is throwing fit after fit and wants to be in LOs face 24/7.

LO has jaundice and on Friday, the doctor decided we should start supplementing with formula after every other feeding. She had gained .5oz/day but with the jaundice, he wants her gaining 1oz/day. I was crushed. I was so proud that DS never had formula. I was hoping to do the same with LO. It feels like I failed at my one job.

Sorry for my incoherent novel. Sleep deprivation.

gingersnap-mama · August 2016

@midwestbaby I'm using baby connect too!! So far I love it, DH has it on his phone too so if I'm nursing and can't reach my phone he can start the nursing timer or when he changes a diaper he can just go on his phone and log it in. I think it helps him feel more included since right now I'm EBF.

E is 3 days old now, last night was our first night home from the hospital. I'm feeling a bit post partum anxiety. He's bili level on discharge was 5.5 so in the grey zone on their chart for her age in hours. I was a bit neurotic last night about trying to get her to feed. I'm learning you can't force LO to latch and feed if they don't want to, she needs to be awake and showing feeding cues in order to latch. Which seems obvious when I type that, but when you're overtired and it's been 4 hours since your last feed and you want them to eat and poop to keep jaundice at bay you think you can just shove your nipple in her mouth and make it happen. I became frustrated and upset thinking we were regressing with our otherwise fantastic journey in breast feeding so far. I went up and woke my husband up (he had been sleeping for 4 hours) and asked for his help. He tried helping me get her to latch but she was sleepy. I started crying. He was great. He took E, told me to go do what I needed to (eat, pee, take Motrin, just walk away for a minute!) And when I came back she was awake and rooting at his chest and ready to eat. She latched right away, got a full belly of breast milk and passed out. DH took her downstairs, and I slept for 3 hours. I woke up feeling refreshed! I'm a little OCD, and that's something that I need to give up, I cant control everything including our breastfeeding journey, it takes the two of us.

I have a feeling this thread and "moms who bump in the night" are going to be my go to's for a while. It's a relief to come on here and know I'm not alone and that it does get better!

jacmkelley · August 2016

I'm honestly feeling so discouraged today. The week we had this little guy I was admitted over night that Friday for a high fever which my OB determined was from engorgement. The following week we had to run baby to ER because his circ looked infected and was oozing. And this week I'm sitting here in bed with a fever that won't go away unless I take Tylenol. I'm thinking of got mastitis or a clogged duct. But nothing I'm doing has helped the fever only some of the pain has gone away. I've got an almost 3 year old DD and I feel like I'm letting everyone down not being healthy. I am exhausted and dreading each feed because I feel so weak and worn down today. DH keeps saying just let me feed him (from some frozen milk I've pumped) but I will have to pump anyway with whatever is wrong with the one side im having pain in.
This is one of those days when I feel like I just can't keep up. I'm feeling completely run down. And I think this little guy is having a growth spurt - he's wanting to nurse A LOT today.
I'm just so tired. And feeling guilty for not cleaning (our house is a disaster) and not cooking. I just
need two of me at this point.

AliKay20 · August 2016

@jacmkelley sorry to hear that you're in such pain! Not feeling well definitely adds to your stress. I too felt this way and the worst part about it being type A was that I was not in control of anything! DH offered to help but I wasn't happy that I couldn't do these things. Still, let him and others help you.

I fight with feeling guilty every single day as if I didn't do enough.

It isn't until I acknowledge that I did what I could and that alone is enough.

You are doing all that you can, mama, and that is enough. Rest up & I hope you feel better soon!

jamiesc58 · August 2016

@jacmkelley you need to take care of yourself also. Don't feel bad...it isn't your fault. I have the same feelings because our house is a mess right now too. I just keep telling myself that if I do too much, I will wear myself out and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I have swallowed my pride and asked for help even though it makes me feel so guilty. Accept help while you can.

ballofmeat · August 2016

@jacmkelley Your situation sounds similar to mine last night in the sense that I get panicked when DD won't eat and it's been hours. I know she has to show improvement on her weight tomorrow. Sounds like we have some great husbands though who are relieving the stress load.

I get a little panicky now when the night hours approach. Mostly because I know there will be no sleep, but also we don't have a routine really worked out. What the heck we will do when DH goes back to work is beyond me.

I have been trying to focus on positive/progress in the meantime. Like we made it though another day, my milk is finally in, or the labor is over!

entropicallyfavored · August 2016

@midwestbaby For the first two weeks, my husband and I would get so anxious as nighttime approached, like you mentioned. Do you watch Game of Thrones? We kept saying this over and over:

ballofmeat · August 2016

@entropicallyfavored We don't watch the game of thrones, but that basically sums up our nights. I completely cried it out last night while DH took he until four am. She legit cried for three hours and nothing consoled her. DH has the patience of a saint.

and I thought the pregnancy insomnia was bad...

bearsandbeets7 · August 2016

I thought I was doing pretty good the first few days in the hospital compared to how hard things hit me with DD. But we haven't even been home for 24 hours and I've cried probably 8 times.

I agree that night time always seems so much harder than days. It's even worse this time because I'm trying to rush through everything to get G to stop crying so he doesn't wake DD.

Bookhousegirl · August 2016

@midwestbaby when DS1 was first born I used to get that panic feeling every night. This may sound really silly, but one thing that helped me (a suggestion from my SIL) was to play fun, upbeat, music and have a mini dance party with the baby around 8/9:00. The music would really bring up my mood, and made things feel a little happier as nighttime approached. Obviously, you don't actually have to dance if physically you can't, but even just some music might help.

Also, once we got DS1 onto a schedule where he would sleep from 7-10pm (around 3weeks), it got so much better. We would put him in the rock n play in the bedroom and DH and I would sit together and eat dinner like normal humans

Knowing this will happen again with Baby B is helping me so much, emotionally, this time. I know everyone says this, but it really does get better!!

Want a personalized experience?

Postpartum Mental Health Check In

Re: Postpartum Mental Health Check In

Choose Another Board

Search Boards