@megstervt many love tits to you. I'm going through similar thoughts but it does get better! I talk to a therapist and that helps IMMENSELY! Don't ever feel like you can't call them at any time! I try and see mine bi weekly! As hard as you want to believe it, there is light at the end of that dark tunnel! For me, hearing your story and the other ladies makes me know I am certainly not alone! That LO is a lucky ducky Hang in there!!!
We saw the LC this morning and C has gained about 5oz in 3 days. It was the first time I felt happy and confident since he was born. The LC said we no longer need to wake him to eat which will help tremendously and I'll see her next Friday and she will bring the pump then. She was also so reassuring that if I do take meds it will not impact him. It's a dark rainy day here, but I'm feeling more confident that I can get through this then I was before.
I have the same husband schedule as you do @mandyjulie I had to supplement early on because Elijah was losing too much weight. I thought I would want to go back to EBFing but the chunk of sleep I can get if my husband feeds him once is priceless! Plus then my husband gets some bonding time. Glad things are looking up for you @megstervt
It seems that having a baby has dredged up really bad feelings toward my family. Quick background: my family is toxic; I don't have a relationship with my father; and the relationships with my mom and sister are usually strained. I moved 2,000 miles away from them 2.5 years ago and making that move helped me confront the reality of who they are as people, who we are as a family, and most importantly, the fact that I don't need to be treated badly by them. I've learned to set boundaries and stop reacting to their negativity (for the most part... work in progress).
My mom came out to stay after Adalynn was born and it was awful. Not only did she ignore me when I told her not to come so early (luckily for me I went into labor a few days early and she ended up missing it anyway!), once she arrived she was completely unhelpful and downright annoying. Instead of offering to cook or clean or even tend the baby so I could have a break, she just went for walks, sat on her computer or took naps! Her advice was awful (she called Adalynn "colicky" because she was spitting up... not really the definition) and we just wanted her gone. She ended up leaving early but acted all weird and depressed. Ever since then, I just don't even want to talk to her. I call her out of obligation and that's it.
My sister texted me the other day, basically saying that I've forgotten all about her and "she'll always remember being my big sister." I didn't even respond. She pulls this crap at least once a year. I'm always in trouble for something I didn't even do, and to act this way when I'm sleep deprived and figuring out how to be a parent? Bye, Felicia.
I don't know, I'm just done with them. I think it's the PP hormones and lack of sleep, but I don't feel like maintaining relationships with these people who make me miserable.
July BMB Siggy Challenge: Weird Hot Dog Situations
So many hugs to all of you! @megstervt I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today, and that you were able to get in contact with your doctor about seeing someone. I really hope you're able to feel much better soon. @LF93 I'm so sorry you haven't spend much time with your baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
So BF was supposed to have 2 weeks off with me. My mom stayed over the weekend because he got called into work Saturday and Sunday. This morning he gets a text saying he needs to work tonight from 3-11. As soon as he shut the front door I burst into tears. I haven't been getting any sleep as we are only on day 7 and DS has his circumcision in the morning. I just wanted him to be home today so I could sleep for more than 2 hours. My anxiety is quickly returning.
Any July moms successfully make it through the baby blues yet? Does it actually last two weeks? Does it lighten up gradually or go away all at once? Anxious to start feeling better.
@hreed7289 I still feel like I have the baby blues although it's gotten better since the first two weeks. I'm currently 4 weeks pp and still have moments of being overwhelmed and crying spells so I'm calling BS on it just lasting two weeks but that's just me.
hugs to all you ladies! This parenting stuff is no joke and all of us are doing the best we can, just remember that!
I am 4 weeks pp and finally feel like my baby blues are starting to subside, but I still have moments for sure. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I am a horrible mom. I couldn't get LO to stop crying before bed and I tried everything. Finally I had to just put him down and walk away because I was crying and getting more upset every minute. I came into my room and cried while I watched him scream on the monitor and he ended up soothing himself. I felt so terrible that I basically let my kid cry it out because I couldn't figure out to soothe him and cried myself to sleep because of it. I'm hoping tomorrow night is better.
Yeah, baby blues are subsiding at 4 weeks for me too. Starting to feel more like myself! Although mine came and went and I didn't always realize how down I felt until I felt better! Hormones are so weird.
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
So I have had some crazy (and I mean crazy) anxiety over totally irrational things. Today I was out with a friend and when I left I had this terrible feeling I left the baby at the restaurant. I flipped around in my seat to check and make sure he was in his car seat. I remember putting him in there and putting him in the car but I freaked out. It was an awful feeling. I also woke up the other night because I had this feeling that someone was breaking in to my house to steal my baby. I got up and checked every door and window!! I feel like I'm insane!!
I'm having the same worried thoughts- like somebody's going to hurt or steal my baby. Today on my walk, I had a thought that somebody would do a drive-by shooting of us. I'll be talking with my doc about it next week. You're not alone @arhodes6
I understand. DH and I had a discussion about that a few days ago. Our LO is 4 weeks and I struggle with feelings of isolation and loneliness when he is out too. I've found inviting even one friend or nieghbor over works wonders. Someone who doesn't care if you are exhausted or showered or pop a boob out in front of them. Maybe I'm just lucky b/c I have several non judgmental friends who have had several children already. DS's fussing doesn't bother them and they are also just happy to talk to an adult.
@hreed7289 just hit 4 weeks yesterday and Baby blues are finally starting to subside. LO has really bad gas and BF has been hard, even with pumping. Most days I'm okay, but will still get feelings of isolation, loneliness, and failure (I've also odd become very clingy with DH). The two weeks is BS, but finally having more good moments than bad days. Hang in there. You got this, momma!
DS had me up a lot last night and I was really hoping to nap during DD's nap while DH took the baby. Instead DH insisted we discuss our budget, which turned into a fight. Then DS started crying and DH tried to help calm DS when I was holding him and giving me suggestions. I freaked out at DH and left to sob because I took it to mean he insinuated that I needed help calming my own son. He does this all the time and I know he's trying to be helpful, but it makes me irrationally upset.
DS had me up a lot last night and I was really hoping to nap during DD's nap while DH took the baby. Instead DH insisted we discuss our budget, which turned into a fight. Then DS started crying and DH tried to help calm DS when I was holding him and giving me suggestions. I freaked out at DH and left to sob because I took it to mean he insinuated that I needed help calming my own son. He does this all the time and I know he's trying to be helpful, but it makes me irrationally upset.
My DH will do this too. However, we had a breakthrough the other night when I went to a neighbor's house for an hour. DH had our DS and apparently he was inconsolable. DH tried everything and he would not stop crying. I ended up having to come home. DH has been a lot more truly supportive and his peanut gallery comments have stopped almost completely.
Its not irrational to be upset or feel inadequate. I think the key is communicating with our loving and usually helpful spouses. Most men (in general) just want to solve the problem. Sometimes there is no solution but time and we need to clearly communicate our needs. "Honey, I have tried everything. He is colicky. He cries. It is frustrating and I feel inadequate and like a failure of a mother. I know you are trying to help, but I feel like you are judging me. Can you please stop suggesting things, grab me a blanket and a snickers bar from downstairs?"
I don't know if I'm still struggling with baby blues or if they're starting to turn into something else. Ever since LO was born, I've just felt down and disappointed in the whole birth experience. I feel like everything keeps going wrong which just makes me feel more and more disappointed. I just don't know how to move on and learn to accept it. I just don't know if I just need a little more time settle in before acceptance happens.
My thoughts and emotions have been all over the place lately and I have been extremely anxious about breast feeding again even though things had gotten considerably better. I don't know if I was just trying to be okay because I'm in the mental health field and didn't want to seem at risk for when I go back to work or if I was really doing okay.
Its so hard and stressful and overwhelming and I don't want to seem ungrateful for this child because i adore her with all my heart but it's just really really hard
@Backbypopulardemand I understand the need to "be okay". I'm also in the field and struggle with my anxiety and was over worried about my baby blues. They are finally subsiding after 4 weeks.
Is anyone else struggling with leaving the house? I have left Henry with DH twice now to venture out on my own and when I leave all I call think about is getting back home and something bad has happened each time I left. The first time I got a speeding ticket and the second time I left I totally tripped and a wiped out on a curb sprained my ankle and scraped up my arm and leg. I'm starting to feel like I can't leave the house.
@abpl2014 I'm really bad. I stay at home and have no interest in figuring out pumping. I have an almost 2 year old who never had a bottle (we don't own any), so baby pretty much comes with me Except for a quick errand. Part of that is to save on cost and the work of pumping/cleaning, but the other part is I like baby needing to be close. We do follow a pretty strict routine and do gentle but consistent sleep training, so once I feel confident baby won't need to nurse at night for at least a few hours, we'll do an occasional late date night. DD was first away from me for about 5 hours (with DH) when she was like 15 months and I hated it and felt so guilty I wasn't with her.
@abpl2014 not wanting to be away from your baby is normal, however, if it is affecting your ability to function normally (putting you and others at risk), then you should talk to your doctor. The fact that the only two times you've left you got a ticket and then physically injured yourself is concerning. Talk to your doctor. You don't have to live with that kind of anxiety.
@abpl2014 I've left a few times to go to appts and left him with my husband. I think about him the whole time I'm gone and feel a little sad but I think it's good for my husband to have some alone time with him too.
I haven't left my baby yet and I have no clue when I will be ready to. My in laws keep telling us they will baby sit so we can go on a date and I get irrationally mad! I am not leaving my kid so stop pushing it! I think my DH thinks I'm crazy but I am not even close to ready to leave him
I had been letting my mom come over once a week midweek and spend time with her. Sometimes I'd just go upstairs and nap. Sometimes I'd meet my husband for lunch. But this week I've been unwilling to leave her, so I texted my mom and said we're skipping this week, lol. I don't know if it's her growth spurt that's caused her to be more sweet and needy or my disability extension that got denied and realizing I have to go back to work eventually. I didn't think being a SAHM was for me but today I got super sad thinking about having to go back and leave her each day. I wish I could work from home leisurely and hang out with her but that's not the way my job works.
I have left my baby with my mom twice - but I still get secretly irritated when other people offer to babysit or talk like I'm going to let them. Like DH's grandma, who said she wants to babysit "once she's older and I don't have to pick her up". Sorry, not leaving my kid with someone who is physically unable to pick her up, that's kind of a requirement with babies.
We left MJ with my parents for the first time yesterday. We went to dinner and target. I was kinda irked that they swaddled him and had him nap even though it was close to bedtime. I'm trying my hardest not to be that mom that won't leave her kid with anyone. It's hard though! We were gone less than two hours and I texted my mom 3 times and I missed him.
@Kellyj103 I feel you. I'm trying hard not to be that mom either. I've been a little critical with my mom and some on the things she's done. I feel bad because I think I hurt her feelings the other day but she's a bit overbearing when we've been out as a group! I don't mind her coming over and hanging out. She isn't bad then. But I know she's a little irked with me right now. Growing pains. Sorry, I'm a FTM!
I've left 3 times, but LO was with DH. Once was a < 10 min trip to publix (it's less than a mile away), once was a girls night movie to see Bad Moms (this is the only one I really count since I was out for so long), and once I went to a nieghbor's house. All were hard and I texted DH throughout.
I hope this is the right place for this. I've been dealing with what I hope is the baby blues since we got home from the hospital. My LO is 2 1/2 weeks. I'm breastfeeding and he eats around 15 times a day. I've yet to feel that amazing breastfeeding bond that everyone talks about. Some days are better than others, but I'm not sure how to make my husband understand. I'm not sure when I showered last, and definitely haven't had the time to cook a real meal. Yesterday, however, I tried to make some peas, the baby started crying to eat so I fed him and ended up burning the food. For some reason this sent me over the edge. My husband came home and I just really needed to get away for a minute so I went for a drive by myself. When I got back, my husband told me that "people do this all the time", he doesn't know why I can't handle it by myself, and that I need to grow up and stop being spoiled and be a mom. I've been trying my hardest to be a good mom 24/7 so I'm not really sure what else I can do. I don't know how to make him understand what I am feeling, but being put down for being upset and stressed definitely isn't helping.
@TxTeacher91 Hugs! You're a great mama. I recommend going to your doctor and talking to her about all this. Bring your husband so he can hear from her that you need his support. The last thing you should worry about is making dinner when you're still trying to figure out the newborn life. My baby blues lifted around then, some stay longer, some are more serious. And while I love my son and breastfeed him, I honestly never got that OMG THIS IS MAGIC moment and we're 8+ weeks in. It's a lot of work to breastfeed and can be pretty isolating! Be kind to yourself.
@TxTeacher There are few things more depressing/infuriating/frustrating than not being validated by your spouse.
It's amazing how many men and women alike have no idea how much of a struggle taking care of a newborn is. And holy crap - BREASTFEEDING IS FREAKING HARD. Add lack of sleep and raging PP hormones and you have yourself an emotional rollercoaster, to put it mildly.
My only saving grace was that prior to giving birth, we took some birthing classes together which mentally prepared my DH for how much of a struggle this was going to be - and that baby blues/PP depression is a real thing that affects so many people that would never expect to be hit by it.
I'm not quite sure how to do it logistically - but perhaps your husband hearing from an outside source of how this struggle you're going through is normal and standard - and people who do this "all the time" effortlessly are the freaks.
Just a few thoughts about the eating 15 times a day - My LO was doing this at first, and it turns out that there were two reasons for it:
1) When he was eating, he was not getting a full feeding in. This caused him to be hungrier sooner. So what I started doing was making sure to keep him awake during feedings so that he would get at least 11 or 12 minutes per breast, and take each breast during each feeding session. I change his diaper between switching sides and while he's on one side and starting to fall asleep, I do things like rub his feet, tickle under his arm pit, etc..
2) I realized that not every cry is a hunger cry. There's two modes of sleep for newborns.. resting and active. During his "active" sleep he grunts and makes lots of noise. Previously I interpreted this as hunger and would rush to feed him right away. Now, I just wait a few minutes - and sure enough he settles himself back down. Sometimes too, he makes a lot of noise because he has gas. I hate seeing him in pain, still trying to figure that out, but again, I let him fuss for a bit and see if he settles himself down, which he pretty much always does.
Between these two things, I've gone from feeding him almost non stop through the day to about 9 feedings per day. I still get barely any chores done (hah!) but since he naps for 2 hours at a time, I get a chance to shower and nap myself. Getting more sleep has made a HUGE improvement in my mental stability 100000%.
Apologies if you've tried some of these things already - but wanted to share what has helped me! Hopefully other ladies can give some insight on getting some understanding into the hubby's thick brain
@TxTeacher91 that was completely unfair of him. It is difficult beyond belief, and you know what? Not everyone DOES handle it all the time. I for one, cannot mentally handle breastfeeding. I did it for 2 days with both sons and switched to formula. My husband does half of the night feeding to maintain my sanity. I'm so sorry he said that to you. Try and get a shower even if baby cries for a few minutes.
@TxTeacher91 I have tried to explain to my SO how hard BF is and he just blankly stares at me. I have been glued to my couch since DS was born which was 16 days ago. I do manage to take a shower somehow, but I haven't cooked yet. He doesn't understand how draining BF is. I don't feel that connection either. Honestly as bad as this sounds I don't feel that "different" kind of love everyone told me I would feel. My SO told me he loves DS like none other. I love him don't get me wrong, but I don't feel that connection yet. I know it can take time, but that makes me feel bad, too. I agree with everyone... this is hard.
@TxTeacher91 you are not alone! I knew prior to delivering that I couldn't handle the mental stress of BFing, so we planned to EP as a compromise and it has worked out well. It does take extra time but it has been a relief to let DH or other people feed and give myself a break.
Your DH is oblivious, don't believe what he says about everyone else. Sure, there are some magical unicorns that breeze through parenthood and BFing and never find a single moment of it difficult, but honestly the majority of us struggle with some aspect of this experience. We just complain and commiserate here or to other moms IRL and many of our husbands/friends/family never hear about our struggles. Women in general are prone/encouraged to suffer in silence and we need to stop that.
Re: Postpartum mental health check in and PPD/PPA support
Hang in there!!!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
My mom came out to stay after Adalynn was born and it was awful. Not only did she ignore me when I told her not to come so early (luckily for me I went into labor a few days early and she ended up missing it anyway!), once she arrived she was completely unhelpful and downright annoying. Instead of offering to cook or clean or even tend the baby so I could have a break, she just went for walks, sat on her computer or took naps! Her advice was awful (she called Adalynn "colicky" because she was spitting up... not really the definition) and we just wanted her gone. She ended up leaving early but acted all weird and depressed. Ever since then, I just don't even want to talk to her. I call her out of obligation and that's it.
My sister texted me the other day, basically saying that I've forgotten all about her and "she'll always remember being my big sister." I didn't even respond. She pulls this crap at least once a year. I'm always in trouble for something I didn't even do, and to act this way when I'm sleep deprived and figuring out how to be a parent? Bye, Felicia.
I don't know, I'm just done with them. I think it's the PP hormones and lack of sleep, but I don't feel like maintaining relationships with these people who make me miserable.
I am 4 weeks pp and finally feel like my baby blues are starting to subside, but I still have moments for sure. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I am a horrible mom. I couldn't get LO to stop crying before bed and I tried everything. Finally I had to just put him down and walk away because I was crying and getting more upset every minute. I came into my room and cried while I watched him scream on the monitor and he ended up soothing himself. I felt so terrible that I basically let my kid cry it out because I couldn't figure out to soothe him and cried myself to sleep because of it. I'm hoping tomorrow night is better.
I've found inviting even one friend or nieghbor over works wonders. Someone who doesn't care if you are exhausted or showered or pop a boob out in front of them. Maybe I'm just lucky b/c I have
several non judgmental friends who have had several children already. DS's fussing doesn't bother them and they are also just happy to talk to an adult.
Its not irrational to be upset or feel inadequate. I think the key is communicating with our loving and usually helpful spouses. Most men (in general) just want to solve the problem. Sometimes there is no solution but time and we need to clearly communicate our needs. "Honey, I have tried everything. He is colicky. He cries. It is frustrating and I feel inadequate and like a failure of a mother. I know you are trying to help, but I feel like you are judging me. Can you please stop suggesting things, grab me a blanket and a snickers bar from downstairs?"
Hugs to you. Hang in there.
Its so hard and stressful and overwhelming and I don't want to seem ungrateful for this child because i adore her with all my heart but it's just really really hard
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
July16 JULY siggy challenge
It's amazing how many men and women alike have no idea how much of a struggle taking care of a newborn is. And holy crap - BREASTFEEDING IS FREAKING HARD. Add lack of sleep and raging PP hormones and you have yourself an emotional rollercoaster, to put it mildly.
My only saving grace was that prior to giving birth, we took some birthing classes together which mentally prepared my DH for how much of a struggle this was going to be - and that baby blues/PP depression is a real thing that affects so many people that would never expect to be hit by it.
I'm not quite sure how to do it logistically - but perhaps your husband hearing from an outside source of how this struggle you're going through is normal and standard - and people who do this "all the time" effortlessly are the freaks.
Just a few thoughts about the eating 15 times a day - My LO was doing this at first, and it turns out that there were two reasons for it:
1) When he was eating, he was not getting a full feeding in. This caused him to be hungrier sooner. So what I started doing was making sure to keep him awake during feedings so that he would get at least 11 or 12 minutes per breast, and take each breast during each feeding session. I change his diaper between switching sides and while he's on one side and starting to fall asleep, I do things like rub his feet, tickle under his arm pit, etc..
2) I realized that not every cry is a hunger cry. There's two modes of sleep for newborns.. resting and active. During his "active" sleep he grunts and makes lots of noise. Previously I interpreted this as hunger and would rush to feed him right away. Now, I just wait a few minutes - and sure enough he settles himself back down. Sometimes too, he makes a lot of noise because he has gas. I hate seeing him in pain, still trying to figure that out, but again, I let him fuss for a bit and see if he settles himself down, which he pretty much always does.
Between these two things, I've gone from feeding him almost non stop through the day to about 9 feedings per day. I still get barely any chores done (hah!) but since he naps for 2 hours at a time, I get a chance to shower and nap myself. Getting more sleep has made a HUGE improvement in my mental stability 100000%.
Apologies if you've tried some of these things already - but wanted to share what has helped me! Hopefully other ladies can give some insight on getting some understanding into the hubby's thick brain
Your DH is oblivious, don't believe what he says about everyone else. Sure, there are some magical unicorns that breeze through parenthood and BFing and never find a single moment of it difficult, but honestly the majority of us struggle with some aspect of this experience. We just complain and commiserate here or to other moms IRL and many of our husbands/friends/family never hear about our struggles. Women in general are prone/encouraged to suffer in silence and we need to stop that.