Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Postpartum mental health check in and PPD/PPA support
Hang in there!!!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
My mom came out to stay after Adalynn was born and it was awful. Not only did she ignore me when I told her not to come so early (luckily for me I went into labor a few days early and she ended up missing it anyway!), once she arrived she was completely unhelpful and downright annoying. Instead of offering to cook or clean or even tend the baby so I could have a break, she just went for walks, sat on her computer or took naps! Her advice was awful (she called Adalynn "colicky" because she was spitting up... not really the definition) and we just wanted her gone. She ended up leaving early but acted all weird and depressed. Ever since then, I just don't even want to talk to her. I call her out of obligation and that's it.
My sister texted me the other day, basically saying that I've forgotten all about her and "she'll always remember being my big sister." I didn't even respond. She pulls this crap at least once a year. I'm always in trouble for something I didn't even do, and to act this way when I'm sleep deprived and figuring out how to be a parent? Bye, Felicia.
I don't know, I'm just done with them. I think it's the PP hormones and lack of sleep, but I don't feel like maintaining relationships with these people who make me miserable.
I am 4 weeks pp and finally feel like my baby blues are starting to subside, but I still have moments for sure. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I am a horrible mom. I couldn't get LO to stop crying before bed and I tried everything. Finally I had to just put him down and walk away because I was crying and getting more upset every minute. I came into my room and cried while I watched him scream on the monitor and he ended up soothing himself. I felt so terrible that I basically let my kid cry it out because I couldn't figure out to soothe him and cried myself to sleep because of it. I'm hoping tomorrow night is better.
I've found inviting even one friend or nieghbor over works wonders. Someone who doesn't care if you are exhausted or showered or pop a boob out in front of them. Maybe I'm just lucky b/c I have
several non judgmental friends who have had several children already. DS's fussing doesn't bother them and they are also just happy to talk to an adult.
Its not irrational to be upset or feel inadequate. I think the key is communicating with our loving and usually helpful spouses. Most men (in general) just want to solve the problem. Sometimes there is no solution but time and we need to clearly communicate our needs. "Honey, I have tried everything. He is colicky. He cries. It is frustrating and I feel inadequate and like a failure of a mother. I know you are trying to help, but I feel like you are judging me. Can you please stop suggesting things, grab me a blanket and a snickers bar from downstairs?"
Hugs to you. Hang in there.
Its so hard and stressful and overwhelming and I don't want to seem ungrateful for this child because i adore her with all my heart but it's just really really hard
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
July16 JULY siggy challenge
It's amazing how many men and women alike have no idea how much of a struggle taking care of a newborn is. And holy crap - BREASTFEEDING IS FREAKING HARD. Add lack of sleep and raging PP hormones and you have yourself an emotional rollercoaster, to put it mildly.
My only saving grace was that prior to giving birth, we took some birthing classes together which mentally prepared my DH for how much of a struggle this was going to be - and that baby blues/PP depression is a real thing that affects so many people that would never expect to be hit by it.
I'm not quite sure how to do it logistically - but perhaps your husband hearing from an outside source of how this struggle you're going through is normal and standard - and people who do this "all the time" effortlessly are the freaks.
Just a few thoughts about the eating 15 times a day - My LO was doing this at first, and it turns out that there were two reasons for it:
1) When he was eating, he was not getting a full feeding in. This caused him to be hungrier sooner. So what I started doing was making sure to keep him awake during feedings so that he would get at least 11 or 12 minutes per breast, and take each breast during each feeding session. I change his diaper between switching sides and while he's on one side and starting to fall asleep, I do things like rub his feet, tickle under his arm pit, etc..
2) I realized that not every cry is a hunger cry. There's two modes of sleep for newborns.. resting and active. During his "active" sleep he grunts and makes lots of noise. Previously I interpreted this as hunger and would rush to feed him right away. Now, I just wait a few minutes - and sure enough he settles himself back down. Sometimes too, he makes a lot of noise because he has gas. I hate seeing him in pain, still trying to figure that out, but again, I let him fuss for a bit and see if he settles himself down, which he pretty much always does.
Between these two things, I've gone from feeding him almost non stop through the day to about 9 feedings per day. I still get barely any chores done (hah!) but since he naps for 2 hours at a time, I get a chance to shower and nap myself. Getting more sleep has made a HUGE improvement in my mental stability 100000%.
Apologies if you've tried some of these things already - but wanted to share what has helped me! Hopefully other ladies can give some insight on getting some understanding into the hubby's thick brain
Your DH is oblivious, don't believe what he says about everyone else. Sure, there are some magical unicorns that breeze through parenthood and BFing and never find a single moment of it difficult, but honestly the majority of us struggle with some aspect of this experience. We just complain and commiserate here or to other moms IRL and many of our husbands/friends/family never hear about our struggles. Women in general are prone/encouraged to suffer in silence and we need to stop that.