I don't feel like we'll ever get a routine. Is anyone else's LO either sleeping or eating? I know that's what newborns do but it's still a lot and overwhelming. I feel guilty bc I'm so relieved when she's alseep or when DH has her it makes me feel like a crappy mom. I also feel like she's using nursing to fight sleep and hates the pacifier.
I'm still riding the struggle bus of baby blues and anxiety. I think lately it's stemming from exhaustion. She has been so so fussy the last fe days and it's been hard to figure out what she needs and it's been taking an incredible toll on me.
@Heathereaddy Mine is only 2 days old and is just starting to cluster feed. So far, he really has hardly been awake at all except to eat. I was waking him to eat, but he's been nursing on and off (more on than off) for 2 hours now. DH left to pick up dinner with DD and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. DD had bad colic and if she wasn't nursing, she was screaming. All day. She didn't sleep close to what she should. Try to take it day by day. When you are exhausted and hormonal it is really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but in a few weeks or months, it will get better and you will probably laugh about it. You're doing great, momma!
I'm not sure if this counts as baby blues, but I am really struggling with feeling like I may never get my social life back, and with feeling kind of alone. DH and I planned to spend the day together as a family today, but instead he was invited to go out with some friends and have a cookout, so he's gone. I feel like he's been gone a lot during the evenings when E is fussy (girl is my human clock-she is inconsolable anytime between 6 and 8 almost every night) and typically I find myself home alone with her during those times. I feel like I'll never be able to leave her and go out anymore. I'm just upset with DH for leaving me alone with her all the time, especially since I'm home with her all week.
Hugs to you ladies!!! You're doing a great job. I'm at 4 weeks PP and my experience has been each week gets a little better. 4 is better than 3, 3 was better than 2, 2 was better than 1. Really I think every day gets better. We just had visitors come over yesterday with their 11 month old and they were talking about each month getting better because you get to know your baby better and know his needs. Do you have support to reach out to? Also a lot of hospitals have support groups- I've been going to a breastfeeding support group that has been helpful. The best thing is hearing other moms and the LCs validate that having a newborn is hard and breastfeeding is hard. Sending positive vibes your way!!!!
Thanks ladies. I don't have any family here. It's just me and DH and I'm with the baby all day alone. We do ok during he day but around 4pm she starts getting more fussy and fights sleep. I sure hope things get better in terms of weeks bc I don't know how I could make it waiting months. We have a breastfeeding support group that I'm going to plan to go to this week. I just know as soon as I get there and start discussing my struggles tears will flow. Boy did I underestimate how hard being a new mom would be.
@Heathereaddy I'm the exact same way she gets fussier the later it gets and the more overwhelmed I get because I get more and more tired. My mom gave me this good piece of advice just focus on the next hour or less don't think too far into the future just focus on what you need to do in the moment. Also to let the tears flow my nurse also said the same thing she expressed how crying can help hormones get out from the body.
Glad ad to hear you found a support group to attend I'm trying to find a local one too. You are doing a great job and yeah this mom thing is so so hard !
HUGS! I feel you guys! There were a few solid weeks that I worried because I didn't feel OMG SO IN LOVE with my baby. He has a lot of needs. He doesn't show a lot of reciprocity. And I don't have much freedom. It's hard! But each week has gotten easier and I feel more and more in love with him. He's six weeks today and we're just really getting into our groove and doing more than "surviving" each day. It also helped talking about it openly with my husband. Knowing we both felt "meh" about the newborn stage has united us. I think society and the media does a crappy job capturing the emotional rollercoaster that new parenting turns out to be. It ends up being one more thing to stress over and compare. Hang in there everyone and know for the most part we all share those feelings.
@theshannondee I've felt so guilty at times when I don't feel so in love or feel frustrated with her. Thank you so much for giving me hope that you can get beyond surviving and that it can get easier. I know I truly appreciate it!
I also feel guilty that I have moments of "what was I thinking" or when I get really frustrated with her. I felt horrible last night when she wouldn't latch and I jumped up and put her in the rock n play and ran in the room to cry for ten minutes. Thanks ladies for encouraging words and validating my feelings. I asked DH if he was frustrated and when he said no I felt even worst. Like something was wrong with me and that's why I'm struggling.
So many hugs mamas! It's hard, but at least for us, it's definitely gotten easier. I feel worn out sometimes but I've found that the single best thing I can do for myself and for M is to ask for help when I need it. It's harder now that my husband is back at work but when he gets home I let him know if I need a break or a shower, I tell him what I need and he makes it happen.
@Heathereaddy it's hard but you're doing a great job! My baby is 4 weeks and only 2 weeks older than yours but it does get easier! You learn to adjust, and she will grow and develop every day, and you'll get more used to her cues, leading to less guessing and frustration. And I think it's ok to not be totally in love when they're this young, and it's ok to get frustrated. Just do your best to not let that feeling linger, remember that it won't always be like this, and keep doing what you're doing.
This is so reassuring!!! My baby is a week old and I get so nervous about everything I do. My palms sweat like crazy while I breastfeed and I'm constantly second guessing myself. My husband and I tag team and do everything together which helps me not be too hard on myself but I'm still nervous. You guys give me hope that things will eventually get easier.
@Heathereaddy I'm going to guess MANY of us have felt exactly what you're feeling. I know I have. And still do from time to time!! I also have no doubt you're doing a perfect job. Sometimes they just cry!! Have you tried gripe water? That's saved us during a couple of L's crying fits when we've exhausted all options. It really does calm them down!!! My girl also has some issues with gas which the gripe water also helps with. If you haven't tried it yet, maybe pick up a bottle at Target or another store.
This thread is great. My hormones are raging and sleep deprivation never helps. Some moments I feel amazing but others I'm a hot mess! And this is my second so FTMs it's not just you.
@Heathereaddy to your question, at this point yes they really just eat and sleep! There is very little other awake time this early and that's normal. Over time there will be more awareness and awake time but not early on. You're doing great!!
@schaze and anyone else feeling lonely I am with you. It is very isolating but it will get better. Ask your husband to help and be with you more! Did he ask you if it was okay to leave you and go to a cookout? It's possible he thinks you've got it all under control and that there's little he can do if you're busy nursing all the time. They feel that way sometimes but he can contribute in many ways and should be there for you. Have a heart to heart. I am super honest with my husband about what I want or need, even the small stuff, otherwise I would boil over.
BF mammas, how are your nipples doing? hah. I struggled with a bad latch in the beginning, but it's gotten about 85-95% better. It doesn't hurt when LO is feeding, but when he is not feeding, my nipples are soooo sore. He's 2 weeks old now. Wondering if this will let up in its own or if I'm still doing something wrong. May go see a LC again soon if it doesn't improve, but wondering what everyone else's experience is.
*** oops posted this in the wrong thread. Moving it over to another.
@Heathereaddy I feel the same way most days. Of course I love my daughter but I don't feel that head over heels in love feeling all the time which does make me feel like a bad mom. My DH comes home and looks at me and says things like "well you look so happy to be holding her right now" *sarcastically I might add* I know he doesn't mean anything by it but it's still frustrating because it makes me think HE thinks I'm also a bad mom. I'm glad to have this board for support and see I'm not the only one and we just have to remember we are doing the best for our LOs!
Me: 31 DH:35 Started TTC in June 2014 Started seeing RE in June 2015 HSG in July 2015 = normal, started Clomid/Ovidrel/IUI cycle in August 2015 Cycle #3 in October afforded 1st month of mature follicles - underwent IUI BFP on 10/27/15 - EDD 7/8/16 DD#1 born on 7/1/16
TTC #2 in September 2018 BFP on 12/2/18 - EDD 8/16/19
Team Green!
We talked when he got home last night (at 11..ugh) about how it's not just that I want help with E, but that when I'm home alone all week with her and mostly just nursing her, I do get kind of lonely. It's nice just to have someone else there for the company. He felt terrible and said he wouldn't go out as much. I'm still kind of upset, but trying to let it go since it's all worked out now. @Heathereaddy I feel that way too sometimes. I know I love her so so much, but sometimes I just get so frustrated with her. One of our nurses told me something I always try to remember, even though it's hard: everything is a phase at this age. Just know that it will end, and probably change to something else!
Hugs to all of you! I haven't been too active since Samantha was born almost two weeks ago, but I have also been struggling with the baby blues. I'm not getting enough sleep and I find myself bursting into tears over everything. I plan on talking to my doctor tomorrow at my incision check appointment. It's so nice to have an online support system like this, honestly sometimes just seeing other posts reminds me that I'm not alone and that really helps me get through the sleepless nights. You're all amazing mothers and your little ones are lucky to have you!
@Mbondi0 don't worry this was me too the random bursting into tears was a daily occurance if not more frequently. Hope your dr can offer some help as well. Do they have any mom groups near you?
Going to jump right in here. I love this thread. Brooks is now a week old and I've been struggling with the baby blues. I find my self sobbing uncontrollably especially in the evening. My mom and husband have been great and allowing me space to cry, but it still feels like so much overwhelming emotion that hits from left field. Another thing I've noticed is when I get to sleep, my dreams have a darker tone to them. Not nightmares just unhappy and off kilter. It seems like I can't even escape it when I sleep!
@Backbypopulardemand my doctor was very supportive and said everything I was feeling is totally normal. She believes the sleep deprivation is the main reason why I'm so emotional. She said that I shouldn't hesitate to call her if it gets worse, but she believes things should improve with a little time. I'm also looking into some groups in my area.
@schaze I'm happy you talked to your husband and he understood. I hope you start feeling better and less lonely. Can you also invite a friend over during the day once in a while? Go to a mommy and me type group?
Im with everyone else on feeling so emotional. Yesterday during cluster feeding I lost it. I feel bad because my husband doesn't get it and I feel like I can't explain where all these feelings are coming from. I'm still recovering from major surgery, adjusting to motherhood and running on very little sleep. I know I've been keeping it together fairly well but I get anxious and worried at times. My husband has been struggling dealing with all the tears. He feels like nothing he says can help.
I love this thread. I hadn't posted here prior to now, but I lurk it everyday and it definitely helps to know that so many other mama's are having the same feelings. I love my little guy so incredibly much but there are times that I do get frustrated with him and then feel so guilty after. I just try to remind myself that there's not some magical guide to motherhood that has all the answers and I'm learning & doing the best I can on my own.
I really appreciate this thread also. While I'm still struggling, there were no tears yesterday and I'm trying to be more patient with my little one as she's new to all this stuff too. Latching has been better today so far. I'm still feeling pretty isolated as I'm here with the baby all day. I would love to take a walk with my little one but she hates the car seat that would fit in the stroller and would scream the whole time. Still feeling some guilt about not loving motherhood so far but I'm hoping it gets better.
@Heathereaddy I feel your pain, everything says to take a walk with your LO or just go to Starbucks or something, but I feel like I can't take my little guy anywhere because he screams bloody murder in his car seat. Definitely doesn't help with the feelings of isolation because I'm basically trapped in the (incredibly messy) house with him.
@am0987 Yes, that's exactly how I feel some days. Trapped. And I feel bad saying that but it's true. We have a Lillebaby carrier and she's not big enough for it yet so that's also a no go.
@Heathereaddy I know they are kind of spendy, but I have a baby k'tan that I've been wearing LO in since she was 3 days old - it will make you kind of sweaty but it might be worth a shot so you can get out of the house. I definitely prefer it over pushing the stroller, and since I got the "breeze" version it's a little bit cooler with the mesh material. It's not too difficult to put on, the first few times I just waited until LO was really passed out to put her in it so I didn't upset her trying to readjust a bunch.
For anyone having issues with LO hating the car seat, we struggled for a month plus before trying this on-the-go white noise machine. It has been life changing and is only $10. We've also set it in his lap while out at a restaurant with his milksnob cover over him and he has slept the whole time. Just wanted to throw that out there since a lot of my emotions stemmed from not being able to leave the house due to his screaming. (https://m.target.com/p/mybaby-by-homedics-soundspa-on-the-go/-/A-14282460)
Thankful for this thread. I have really been struggling since 2 days PP and now at day 9 things still feel pretty dark. I'm just numb and I cry all the time. I have yet to feel that blissful love for my baby and that makes me feel like a terrible mom and person. I see this amazing bond my husband has with him and I want that. But when I try to just snuggle LO, he roots and acts like he wants to eat. Sleep deprivation makes everything 100 times worse. everyone keeps telling me how normal these feelings are and that they will pass, but I just can't believe it. It feels like there is no light at the end of this tunnel.
@megstervt Huge hugs. I felt a lot like this with DD1. I came out of it at some point and did bond with her soon enough. Are you pumping yet? At this point you could start so your H can give an occasional bottle and you get some real stretches of sleep. That may make a big difference.
My sister had it with both kids and several friends have too. A doctor can help with meds to level out your emotions and lift the cloud over your head. Don't hesitate to call if that's what you need.
My emotions seem to be completely all over the place today, Kyle is 3 days old and I've barely spent 24 hours with him. Between special care in our local hospital to being transferred to the main children's hospital it feels like I haven't been able to bond with him what so ever. I feel so unattached right now. At first we were able to hold him, feed him and change him but now we aren't allowed do any of that in case we irritate his skin. The tears seem to just not want to stop today, all I want to do is be in my own home with my baby but instead I'm on the other side of the country not knowing what's wrong with my child. I can't do anything for him and feel completely hopeless. I suppose numb is the best way to describe it, I really don't know if I'm actually going to be able to pull myself together the next week or two. I'm so tired but I really can't switch off, I'm going crazy here!
@megstervt@LF93 I know this is not immediately helpful but time will help, you are doing such a great job in stressful situations... It makes sense to feel numb when we are really overwhelmed... Remember that there is nothing wrong with all the feelings you are experiencing and with asking for help... @megstervt I second the suggestion to enlist others help with feeding to get a bit more sleep, it really helped me to have my husband do a lot of the night feedings. I felt a bit guilty but I knew it really helped with my mood. @LF93 I can't wait for you to get more time with your LO! Remember that anything you are doing now is important even if it's not direct care giving (like buying a few things on the internet, getting/giving support here, pumping if applicable, writing to your LO things you want to tell him/her later...). Many hugs... the tunnel becomes more pleasant I promise, take it moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day...
@megstervt I'm sorry you're having all those feelings. I agree with PP on maybe checking in with your doctor if you don't notice an improvement. If it's any consolation, it appears the roles in our house are the same. Layla will spend a good hour smiling/making faces with DH. Me, I'm pretty much Bessie the Cow/the put her to sleep person. Nursing is a great bonding time for us, but putting her to sleep can go either way. Sometimes frustrating and makes me feel unattached when it's difficult. I think things will improve for you and your LO but keep in mind he's still SO new and still figuring his needs/wants himself. At almost 5 weeks, things have improved drastically for us being able to read her cues and her knowing how to express herself...which in turn makes everyone happier. I hope this will be the same for you three also!!!
Thanks everyone. I have been in touch with my doctor over the weekend and they're working to get me in to see a psychiatrist ASAP. I should hear from them about that sometime today. I also see my LC today so may ask her about pumping. I'm just worried that even if I pump ill still be getting up just as often because I'll need to pump for any feeds that I don't do to keep my supply up. Everything just feels so dark right now and that makes me so sad.
@megstervt Are you struggling with your supply? At 1 week pp I started to pump after a couple of feeds a day. My husband now just gives 1 evening bottle. So I do a feed and then go to bed around 8 or 9, he does the bottle when she wakes at 11 or 12, then brings her to me to eat when she wakes again between 2-3.This gives me a 5 hour stretch of sleep. I am lucky my husband does this but even if yours can't you could start your bedtime earlier.
And no you don't have to wake to pump during a missed feed if your supply is reasonably good. You will feel a bit enforged at first but your body will regulate. If you are feeding on demand all other times, plus adding 1-2 pump sessions during the day, I promise your supply won't tank from missing one feeding.
This baby is so good compared to DD that I generally feel better this time. Then once in a while I have so much anxiety I can't deal. I have a mountain of laundry to fold, dishes in the sink, grocery shopping to do, and we didn't get around to having DD clean up her toys last night. I know none if it's important really, but I could burst into tears any second. I don't see me getting a shower before afternoon today either.
Re: Postpartum mental health check in and PPD/PPA support
Glad ad to hear you found a support group to attend I'm trying to find a local one too. You are doing a great job and yeah this mom thing is so so hard !
July16 JULY siggy challenge
water but I haven't used it for her fussiness yet. She also has issues with gas. I think I'll try that this evening.
@Heathereaddy to your question, at this point yes they really just eat and sleep! There is very little other awake time this early and that's normal. Over time there will be more awareness and awake time but not early on. You're doing great!!
@schaze and anyone else feeling lonely I am with you. It is very isolating but it will get better. Ask your husband to help and be with you more! Did he ask you if it was okay to leave you and go to a cookout? It's possible he thinks you've got it all under control and that there's little he can do if you're busy nursing all the time. They feel that way sometimes but he can contribute in many ways and should be there for you. Have a heart to heart. I am super honest with my husband about what I want or need, even the small stuff, otherwise I would boil over.
*** oops posted this in the wrong thread. Moving it over to another.
Started TTC in June 2014
Started seeing RE in June 2015
HSG in July 2015 = normal, started Clomid/Ovidrel/IUI cycle in August 2015
Cycle #3 in October afforded 1st month of mature follicles - underwent IUI
BFP on 10/27/15 - EDD 7/8/16
DD#1 born on 7/1/16
TTC #2 in September 2018
BFP on 12/2/18 - EDD 8/16/19
Team Green!
I will say that I am having a lot more anxiety now than I ever had.
July16 JULY siggy challenge
(((Hugs for everyone)))
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
If nothing improves within a week or so, or things start to feel more overwhelming, call your doc. A good description of PPD symptoms: https://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english
My sister had it with both kids and several friends have too. A doctor can help with meds to level out your emotions and lift the cloud over your head. Don't hesitate to call if that's what you need.
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
unattached when it's difficult. I think things will
improve for you and your LO but keep in mind he's still SO new and still figuring his needs/wants himself. At almost 5 weeks, things have improved drastically for us being able to read her cues and her knowing how to express herself...which in turn makes everyone happier. I hope this will be the same for you three also!!!
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
And no you don't have to wake to pump during a missed feed if your supply is reasonably good. You will feel a bit enforged at first but your body will regulate. If you are feeding on demand all other times, plus adding 1-2 pump sessions during the day, I promise your supply won't tank from missing one feeding.