Sick back: at the beginning of every year, you donate one of your sick days to it. Then, teachers who are out for a long time - car accidents, chemo, pregnancy - can use days from the sick bank after they're out of their own sick days to keep getting paid.
My county includes maternity leave. If I only had a few sick days of my own, the sick bank would pay me for 6 weeks (or 8, in the case of a C-section). But you have to use your own days, first. I have 7+weeks of sick days stored up, so my maternity leave will come out of my own sick days.
Jealous. That's awesome! I'll only have 30 days when I go back. With DD that got me almost to summer vacation, but not with a February baby!
@Starfish113 isn't 30 days 6 weeks? (5 days per week)
Yes but I plan to take 12 weeks. So it would be awesome if I could use my sick days and then get 6 from sick bank! But it's only for actual illness in my district.
Sick bank: at the beginning of every year, you donate one of your sick days to it. Then, teachers who are out for a long time - car accidents, chemo, pregnancy - can use days from the sick bank after they're out of their own sick days to keep getting paid.
My county includes maternity leave. If I only had a few sick days of my own, the sick bank would pay me for 6 weeks (or 8, in the case of a C-section). But you have to use your own days, first. I have 7+weeks of sick days stored up, so my maternity leave will come out of my own sick days.
Edit: autocorrect typo
Well that's adorable. I work in an inner-city district where teachers either hoard all of their days and never use them, or just like... randomly call out every Monday and Friday for the last month of school and leave the rest of us in the lurch. I'm probably the only person I know who uses sick days moderately. You can donate days to a specific person - once in a while, I see a request go around for that - but no one's going to volunteer it. Someone was supposed to donate his unused sick days to me when he left the district at the end of the year, but I don't think it ever happened.
I've been wondering about the whole help issue. MIL wants to take the week off to help after H goes back to work, but with just one LO, unless I have a CS I'm wondering how much help I'll really need. I really, really value alone time so the idea of having her there all day every day seems more stressful than being alone with an infant, even though she's nice and we have a good relationship. I wouldn't mind if she stopped by for an hour or two, but I'm not sure there's any nice way to frame this.
I had uncomplicated deliveries and was able to do normal household things including taking care of a newborn. When my first came around people thought we would need help because of how young we were. I was 19 and husband still 18. But I was more of the hands on do it alone type. For me having people wanting to "help" me felt more like I needed to keep them entertained while they "helped" by only doing what they wanted, like holding baby, and changing maybe 1 diaper just because it's a baby. When it came to household chores that would have been nice to get help with like laundry or dishes, no one offered. It was exhausting. With my second, I did it on my own (with husband while he wasn't working or sleeping) and it was sooooo much nicer. I napped when baby napped, I showered after the baby ate and kept her in the bathroom with me so I could peek out and see her. It was a lot easier for me to stay sane without people constantly around. Of course everyone wanted to see the baby, so we just planned out afternoons or evenings for people to come out to visit, they held the baby and changed maybe 1 diaper but then they went home and I could relax lol. Some people might do well with help, but for us, we liked it just being occasional visits.
@Starfish113 isn't 30 days 6 weeks? (5 days per week)
Yes but I plan to take 12 weeks. So it would be awesome if I could use my sick days and then get 6 from sick bank! But it's only for actual illness in my district.
Lol you can't use them back to back like that, and Sick Bank is only up to 6/8 weeks PP. Otherwise I would totally do the same! I'm not really sure my ML plan yet Bc I'm pretty sure if I don't go back before spring break, I'll have to use sick leave to get paid for it. Have to be back to get the holiday pay.
@Starfish113 isn't 30 days 6 weeks? (5 days per week)
Yes but I plan to take 12 weeks. So it would be awesome if I could use my sick days and then get 6 from sick bank! But it's only for actual illness in my district.
Lol you can't use them back to back like that, and Sick Bank is only up to 6/8 weeks PP. Otherwise I would totally do the same! I'm not really sure my ML plan yet Bc I'm pretty sure if I don't go back before spring break, I'll have to use sick leave to get paid for it. Have to be back to get the holiday pay.
Ohhhh okay. I thought you meant you can take 6 weeks from the sick bank after using your days that's why I was so jealous!!!
In reality, I will probably try to stay out the remainder of the school year so I won't get paid for a while. Womp womp... But I don't want to have to go back for just a few weeks either!!
Thanks @kswiger06. I think I'm the same way. MIL is going to be part of our daycare plan (enthusiastically!) so maybe we can just phrase it as "We'd hate to have you cut back on work sooner than you need to. Definitely come say hi on your way home, though!" On the bright side, I do think she'd actually help with household chores. She's a sweet lady.
@BlondePeanut @kswiger06 actually the babydoll idea is what most trainers suggest to prep for a newborn! I would reach out to a trainer in the area and see if she'd be able to do a little session with you to review some things to work on. I'm actually needing to do so because my Medium sized dog is great with my son, but needs to re-learn her basic "no jumping" manners that have gone out the window!
I am very late to this game...and we do not have a dog but I totally did this with DD. We have a baby doll and practice being gentle with the baby and I will sit and hold the baby doll while DD plays independently to try to get her used to not having my undivided attention. She has gotten a lot better at being very gentle.
i am crazy fortunate and get 16 weeks of paid time at 100% of my pay. I also get 5 weeks of paid vacation so if I really wanted to I could take all of that on top of my leave and be off 21 weeks fully paid. Then, even on top of that, I can take an additional 10 unpaid weeks. That is all my employer though. With DD, I stayed home til she was 5 months old. With this one I am planning on going back at about 4 months.
This is all my employer...but the more I hear about other leave policies the more grateful I am for this generous policy.
@Xstatic3333 that's great to have real help. I think my mom would do ok with chores but she's somewhat pushy about her opinions. She doesn't mean to, but she doesn't take hints of backing off so we'd end up having to be blunt and hurting her feelings. I think my mil will be staying with our kids while I'm in hospital after delivery and I know she will be itching to leave A.S.A.P. she's the type who pays for any kind of work that needs done so she for sure won't want to go out of her way more than that. I love our families, but they sure aren't those picture perfect movie types. Oh well, gotta play with what you're dealt.
@sweetT - how were you able to break your dog of the barking habit? We have two dogs, and they are both barkers (at different times). One is normal - when someone is walking toward the house or approaches the door. The other we joke sees ghosts cause she'll start barking obsessively and won't stop and we can't find what she's barking at.
After DD was born her barking was crazy. She barked at the tv anytime an animal was on (even a cartoon!). It got better but she still continued barking at the tv up until about a year ago. I have no advice because what worked for us was super specific. We have an underground fence for her, and her collar beeps when she gets too close to her boundary, one day while taking DD's temperature I noticed the dog got quiet and walked away, the beep the thermometer makes when you turn it on is identical so it gets her attention. So I would tell her to be quiet, if she continued barking I'd push the button and ask her to sit. Now all I have to do is say quiet and she instantly sits. I like that she still barks at the door but instead of the barking going on forever I can just say quiet and she sits and waits nicely.
I am sure they are because it is a massive global company. Unfortanately, you have to be an employee for a full year to be eligible for the benefits so even those seriously considering looking into it would not benefit during this pregnancy.
@Xstatic3333 I personally think the help that is most useful at that newborn stage is household chores and cooking. I lived far away when I had my daughter so my mom came for two weeks and there was nothing for her to do baby wise to help. When they are that little they just want to nurse, sleep, and be held essentially. I did basically all of that while my mom kinda watched. She did make us dinner which was nice . If your helpers understand what you'll actually need help with I think it could be great to have someone stay. Otherwise short visits are probably more ideal.
I've already fought with H about his parents coming to visit and said they will need to stay in a hotel if they come during the first few weeks. They are no help and I'm constantly cleaning up after them. I had no help last time because I was stubborn and didn't want any. This time I will definitely be relying on my parents for help (they live on our street now). My biggest worry is getting DD to preschool on time with a newborn, I'm hoping my parents will take her for the first week or two.
@angeltennis3 wow that is an amazing Maternity leave policy!! I wish more jobs had those options, but unfortunately that's not the case. I've known so many previous co-workers who hated how quickly they had to return. I couldn't imagine having to return so quickly and wish our society did a bit more to help so mothers could get at least a month home.
@Xstatic3333 I really feel you on this. It's such a touchy situation to explain you'd just rather be left alone, but also don't necessarily turn down help. With DS I was completely by myself and didn't ask for help because I wanted to do it on my own like @kswiger06 , but looking back on it, I could've used a few hours of "me" time. I think you should be able to discuss setting up a scheduled time she could come by and help without it being rude. Maybe a few hours before dinner if you want to be able to cook, or maybe a few hours mid day so you can have alone time and take a shower etc.
My MIL is also offering to come help(she lives 4 houses down from us on the same street- yes I'm living in what seems like a sitcom), but I feel like I'd rather her just take DS for a few hours to let him play. If anything that would be a huge help rather than having her here and feeling the need to entertain her.
@homemake yes help with chores is the best. It would annoy me when my ILs would visit, all they'd do is hold baby and ask what was for dinner. We've since had a discussion and they're on board to help this go around.
With DD, my mom had JUST gotten out of a month long stay in the hospital for a surgical complication. She was in no shape to help.
My in laws came the day we came home from the hospital. It was a mixed bag. They were very helpful around the house. They did all the cleaning and cooking, helped with laundry, etc. however, they caused me so much anxiety about my DD not getting enough breastfeeding that I was in my room crying every few hours.
This time (god willing) my mom is healthy so we are playing the card "since she didn't get to help last time she wants to play a bigger role helping" card. I told DH I want his parents to wait at least a week, maybe 2, before coming. Especially since they have to stay with us.
Also, I was so focused on the baby, that my husbands sole job was taking care of me. He had to keep track of all of my medications and make sure I took pain pills on time, and he would get me water and food, help me get up off the couch (c-section), and bring me our daughter when she started to show hunger cues while I napped. I was a bit of a mess out of the hospital so I really needed him to take care of me.
@angeltennis3 yeah that reminds me , my mom didn't come until two weeks after DD was born. Before that? I was 99% shirtless, crying about breastfeeding, and my husband was holding my food to my mouth so I could eat while nursing. I definitely did not want anyone in the house with us during that time.
I am on call for a birth this weekend for the first time since May. I am simultaneously geeked- it's my passion and I would get a nice check, but at the same time I worry about my energy and nausea. It's been overall better and I hope that when I'm in a delivery room I just get in my zone. Yikes! We will see!
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
i am crazy fortunate and get 16 weeks of paid time at 100% of my pay. I also get 5 weeks of paid vacation so if I really wanted to I could take all of that on top of my leave and be off 21 weeks fully paid. Then, even on top of that, I can take an additional 10 unpaid weeks. That is all my employer though. With DD, I stayed home til she was 5 months old. With this one I am planning on going back at about 4 months.
This is all my employer...but the more I hear about other leave policies the more grateful I am for this generous policy.
I think we mayyy work for the same company.. Did they raise it from 12 to 16 weeks this year??
my company has the same benefit for PATERNITY too!! My DH used to work for the company, it's too bad he doesn't anymore.. Cause your leave just has to be taken within a year of the birth.. So for instance if DH did will work for the company I would take the first 16 weeks. He would take the first 4 and hen go back and then take his remaining 12 after I went back to work. That would have been AMAZING!!
Wow! I had no idea mat leave was so bad in the States until reading all this! European union regulations mean that i get 6 weeks at full salary, then for the next 34 weeks the uk government dictates statutory mat pay (i live in northern ireland so technically part if the uk) of £138 ($180) per week but my company tops it up to £200 ($265) a week & im allowed to take a final 12 weeks unpaid if i want. I also get my 4 weeks paid annual leave on top of that, so im extremely lucky to be able to take a total of 13 months off!
I've made it clear that if we have visitors after the birth, no one is staying with us at all. I like entertaining but not after having a baby and certainly not for extended stays.
DS will be in daycare and DH will be doing pick up and drop off for at least the first few weeks after delivery, possibly longer. I'm not big on needing help but who knows? Two kids might be a much bigger adjustment than I think.
We had a dreadful night in our home last night. DS has been fighting a nasty cold and he was up screaming, crying and coughing all night. After comforting him, he always refused going back to his crib so we brought him in bed with us. He spent the majority of the time flipping from side to side and kicking us. So basically, we all got maybe 2-3 hours sleep? Ughhhh.
As mentioned before, I too, am scared shitless of going back to newborn days. being sleep deprived sucks so much.
I'm fighting my coffee aversion this morning because I just really need one.
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
@angeltennis3 well now we can confirm each other's not a catfish!! Lol in my old position every male used to take ALL of it but where I am now (a very small group over all) it's would be rare and we would totally give the guy shit if they took it all.
There must have have been something in the water we all have our littles last night! Mine was up from 12:30-3:00 idk why. So that means I slept from 11:00-12:30 and then from 3:00-6:00. It's feeling like a coffee day!!
The whole time I am sitting there thinking.. Holy crap and I volunteered to do this again!! I had the worst newborn ever!
I'll have to share my visitor experience when I get to work.
@FishyMom DS was very tough as a newborn too! He had awful reflux which resulted in an awful sleeper. While medicated for it, he still had a really hard time. Took a long while before he started sleeping through the night.
I really hope this LO is easier going!
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
Ladies I'm off to a bachelorette weekend, complete with expensive wine tasting tour I won't be able to enjoy. It's my best friend on the planet who did so much for me as my MOH though, so it'll be worth it. Wish me luck and have a great weekend!
Ladies I'm off to a bachelorette weekend, complete with expensive wine tasting tour I won't be able to enjoy. It's my best friend on the planet who did so much for me as my MOH though, so it'll be worth it. Wish me luck and have a great weekend!
Thank you all for these honest stories about the first few weeks with a newborn and how you handled visits. This is my first and I am a very private person. It was nice being able to tell DH that if his mom or any of his sisters insist on coming and staying, he has to handle the "no, you can visit though" conversations.
With my first, DH wasn't able to take any time off after she was born and I spent most of my days crying and trying to waddle around to do everything. She was a very tough baby but turned into a wonderful toddler/big girl. There were some visitors here or there but it felt like entertaining more than help. They mostly held DD while chatting with me. My MIL was actually pretty wonderful though. For the first week after we came home from the hospital she brought us home cooked dinner every night and cleaned up afterwards.
With my second I didn't need as much help as I didn't get torn up as badly during delivery and DS was a very easy baby (turned into a much more difficult toddler). I found that once you're on your second everyone expects that you've got it all figured out and can handle it.
With DD I had 12 weeks 100% paid- 6 was STD that was paid at 100% and 6 of 100% paid maternity/paternity leave. That was without having to use any sick or vacation time and it was wonderful. With DS I had changed jobs for better work/life balance and had 6 weeks of STD paid at 60% after a 4 week unpaid waiting period. Company policy requires that you use all sick/vacation time during the waiting period so I only had 1 week completely unpaid. I could have taken another 6 weeks unpaid but we weren't financially able to support that (I'm substantially the primary income earner).
I'm still at the same company now, so it will be the same- 4 week waiting period which will suck up all my sick and vacation time for the rest of the year then I'll have 2 weeks at 60%. We're still not able to support my taking 6 weeks unpaid so I'll be back to work after that. It could be a lot of worse so I'm grateful for what I have, but I really miss my old company sometimes because of it (and the health insurance premiums and deductibles were so much cheaper that the high deductible plan I have now).
@FishyMom DS was very tough as a newborn too! He had awful reflux which resulted in an awful sleeper. While medicated for it, he still had a really hard time. Took a long while before he started sleeping through the night.
I really hope this LO is easier going!
Yep here too! 7 PM like clockwork... she would scream for hours... it was so bad. I say often that this next kiddo has to be easier!
@starfish113 I really hope we ALL get easier babies this time!
I had to sleep train **GASP** my child at 6 months and it was the BEST thing I EVER did!
You ladies are scaring me because my three were all pretty good laid back babies. We have already worried that this one is going to be hard. We like to sleep here!
We are lucky that our family is local. Visitors hopefully will bring food. My mom is great about helping with chores, and I am hopeful that my in laws will just help with older kids.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
Re: Weekly Randoms (7/25)
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
In reality, I will probably try to stay out the remainder of the school year so I won't get paid for a while. Womp womp... But I don't want to have to go back for just a few weeks either!!
i am crazy fortunate and get 16 weeks of paid time at 100% of my pay. I also get 5 weeks of paid vacation so if I really wanted to I could take all of that on top of my leave and be off 21 weeks fully paid. Then, even on top of that, I can take an additional 10 unpaid weeks. That is all my employer though. With DD, I stayed home til she was 5 months old. With this one I am planning on going back at about 4 months.
This is all my employer...but the more I hear about other leave policies the more grateful I am for this generous policy.
I like that she still barks at the door but instead of the barking going on forever I can just say quiet and she sits and waits nicely.
They are no help and I'm constantly cleaning up after them.
I had no help last time because I was stubborn and didn't want any. This time I will definitely be relying on my parents for help (they live on our street now). My biggest worry is getting DD to preschool on time with a newborn, I'm hoping my parents will take her for the first week or two.
@Xstatic3333 I really feel you on this. It's such a touchy situation to explain you'd just rather be left alone, but also don't necessarily turn down help. With DS I was completely by myself and didn't ask for help because I wanted to do it on my own like @kswiger06 , but looking back on it, I could've used a few hours of "me" time. I think you should be able to discuss setting up a scheduled time she could come by and help without it being rude. Maybe a few hours before dinner if you want to be able to cook, or maybe a few hours mid day so you can have alone time and take a shower etc.
My MIL is also offering to come help(she lives 4 houses down from us on the same street- yes I'm living in what seems like a sitcom), but I feel like I'd rather her just take DS for a few hours to let him play. If anything that would be a huge help rather than having her here and feeling the need to entertain her.
I'm taking mental notes of things NOT to do when my kids are adults/married/have kids.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
My in laws came the day we came home from the hospital. It was a mixed bag. They were very helpful around the house. They did all the cleaning and cooking, helped with laundry, etc. however, they caused me so much anxiety about my DD not getting enough breastfeeding that I was in my room crying every few hours.
This time (god willing) my mom is healthy so we are playing the card "since she didn't get to help last time she wants to play a bigger role helping" card. I told DH I want his parents to wait at least a week, maybe 2, before coming. Especially since they have to stay with us.
Aaaahhhhhhhh!
my company has the same benefit for PATERNITY too!! My DH used to work for the company, it's too bad he doesn't anymore.. Cause your leave just has to be taken within a year of the birth.. So for instance if DH did will work for the company I would take the first 16 weeks. He would take the first 4 and hen go back and then take his remaining 12 after I went back to work. That would have been AMAZING!!
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Have ve any men taken the extra leave in your city? It's (wrongfully) side eyed where I am so no one takes more than 2 weeks.
European union regulations mean that i get 6 weeks at full salary, then for the next 34 weeks the uk government dictates statutory mat pay (i live in northern ireland so technically part if the uk) of £138 ($180) per week but my company tops it up to £200 ($265) a week & im allowed to take a final 12 weeks unpaid if i want. I also get my 4 weeks paid annual leave on top of that, so im extremely lucky to be able to take a total of 13 months off!
DS will be in daycare and DH will be doing pick up and drop off for at least the first few weeks after delivery, possibly longer. I'm not big on needing help but who knows? Two kids might be a much bigger adjustment than I think.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
As mentioned before, I too, am scared shitless of going back to newborn days.
I'm fighting my coffee aversion this morning because I just really need one.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
There must have have been something in the water we all have our littles last night! Mine was up from 12:30-3:00 idk why. So that means I slept from 11:00-12:30 and then from 3:00-6:00. It's feeling like a coffee day!!
The whole time I am sitting there thinking.. Holy crap and I volunteered to do this again!! I had the worst newborn ever!
I'll have to share my visitor experience when I get to work.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Took a long while before he started sleeping through the night.
I really hope this LO is easier going!
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
Eta @Xstatic3333 have fun!!!
it'll be my turn next weekend.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
With my second I didn't need as much help as I didn't get torn up as badly during delivery and DS was a very easy baby (turned into a much more difficult toddler). I found that once you're on your second everyone expects that you've got it all figured out and can handle it.
With DD I had 12 weeks 100% paid- 6 was STD that was paid at 100% and 6 of 100% paid maternity/paternity leave. That was without having to use any sick or vacation time and it was wonderful. With DS I had changed jobs for better work/life balance and had 6 weeks of STD paid at 60% after a 4 week unpaid waiting period. Company policy requires that you use all sick/vacation time during the waiting period so I only had 1 week completely unpaid. I could have taken another 6 weeks unpaid but we weren't financially able to support that (I'm substantially the primary income earner).
I'm still at the same company now, so it will be the same- 4 week waiting period which will suck up all my sick and vacation time for the rest of the year then I'll have 2 weeks at 60%. We're still not able to support my taking 6 weeks unpaid so I'll be back to work after that. It could be a lot of worse so I'm grateful for what I have, but I really miss my old company sometimes because of it (and the health insurance premiums and deductibles were so much cheaper that the high deductible plan I have now).
Yep here too! 7 PM like clockwork... she would scream for hours... it was so bad. I say often that this next kiddo has to be easier!
@starfish113 I really hope we ALL get easier babies this time!
I had to sleep train **GASP** my child at 6 months and it was the BEST thing I EVER did!
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
We are lucky that our family is local. Visitors hopefully will bring food. My mom is great about helping with chores, and I am hopeful that my in laws will just help with older kids.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17