Weekly Randoms (7/25) - Page 10 — The Bump
February 2017 Moms

Weekly Randoms (7/25)

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Re: Weekly Randoms (7/25)

  • @scifichick09 you don't deserve that crap from your MIL. And I'm so sorry she said that to you. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, and your husband stood up for you too :) 


    scifichick09
  • @fourPsinapod my MIL referred to me as "Gordita" (which means little fatty) when we told her the news. I told my DH he needed to tell her she can't call me that.  First of all, I felt like that was super rude, but also, I've dealt with weight issues for years and felt like I was actually in a good place at that time...so that just made me feel like absolute shit.

    Thankfully he must've said something because she hasn't called me that since.

    Is she Latina? Because she probably meant it as a term of endearment - Hispanic cultures don't view weight like we do! "Gordita" is said with love and affection, usually. 

    BUT good on your H for standing up for you. 
  • @MommaBean Yes, she is, born and raised in Mexico. And I'm sure you're right, I don't think she actually meant to insult me. My husband said the same thing, but it still hurt my feelings, so I'm glad he was able to talk to her.

    ME: 25, DH: 27

    TTC #1 since 09/2015

    Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016

    BFP 05/28/2016!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    MommaBean
  • I'm probably in the minority where I'd prefer my IL's over my actual parents. Last time I was living across the country from everyone so it was very peaceful. 
    scifichick09WinchesterGirlvarimama
  • ay-effay-eff
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    @AfKash I'm sorry that they didn't listen to you when you obviously had the best handle on the situation! Like @PerraSucia said, pregnant ladies need restricted contact with cancer patients receiving treatment. If he's receiving chemo you shouldn't be coming into contact with bodily fluids (sweat, urine, saliva, etc.)  following treatment. I mean there are precautions you can take, but in my humble stranger opinion, that is putting all kinds of stress and pressure into one household and might not be the best for anyone's health.
    expandcontract
  • blush64blush64
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    member
    edited July 2016
    @angeltennis3 My point was that if the inlaws are willing to compromise, be understanding and respectful they shouldn't be shunned or left out. The father is an equal parent. He is equally important and equally part of the baby. To deny his family is denying half of the child. I am not thinking only of birth and the first few weeks but more over time.

    What you describe are not people being respectful for understanding. I wouldn't think anyone should bend to accommodate people like that.

    When giving birth I do think it is a vulnerable time. I allowed my MIL in although I honestly did not want her there. I do not think that is necessary and I would not be allowing anyone in anymore. I never suggested a week or two would mean a world of difference. I am saying that the woman's family shouldn't matter more just because it is her family. If there are reasons other than that, fine. Maybe his family are a bunch of terrible people. Maybe they aren't fit to be near a child. But her family should not be given better treatment only because it is her family. 

    I was raised closer to my mom's family for the most part. As an adult I can look back and see how much we missed out on with certain relatives. I made a huge effort not to do that to my kids. 

    Equal doesn't mean the same. Edit in what I am saying. Maybe fair is better to say what I am trying to say. I do expect equal treatment but not the same. I would not expect to be in the delivery room with any future daughter-in-law. I would not expect or want to be treated like her mother, but I do expect our family to be treated equally when it comes to family events and being close to the baby. My sons are close to their family and so hopefully they wouldn't marry a woman who would try to keep them away. For example, I don't need them on Christmas and Christmas eve but a visit over the holidays shouldn't be too much to ask for. I would never expect to stay in their home for any amount of time but a 30-60 mite visit when they are comfortable should be acceptable.

    Like I said, I wasn't really directing this at people, more family members who I wish would stop what they are doing.
    angeltennis3WinchesterGirlexpandcontractbdesterhouse
  • My MIL was mostly fine when I had DS (though he was in the NICU for 10 days so all of this immediate stuff you guys are talking about didn't apply) but she wasn't thrilled I was EBF. Because it meant baby needed me most of the time and wouldn't be able to sleep over any time soon. Eye roll. She wanted him as much as possible.

    Once, we were all at the mall walking around and she'd taken him out of his stroller Bc she wanted to carry him. So I was pushing the empty stroller. Then she tells me laughingly that I look like one of those crazy people pretending to be a mom (or something like that) and I briefly lost it on her. That is MY baby, tyvm. 
  • @CornchipLA welcome to club Gilmore!

    I think you ladies all have very good perspective on the family dynamics post-birth. I am really enjoying reading all of your different experiences. 

    As a FTM, I can't know for sure what I'll want, but in general I'm a very private person. I can anticipate needing "us only" time frequently, but I'm trying to be open to everyone else's excitement.... while not making myself uncomfortable.

    MIL and I do not have a good relationship, and she is very pushy. She actually once came into our house, and told my DH that he would be responsible for not "getting me in line" in God's eyes, so he needed to put his foot down and force me to come back to church (news flash, he didn't want go either). My father had just died, and his funeral was held in the church. Needless to say I was not antsy to go back.

    TLDR: Boundaries with MIL have to be strictly enforced, so thank you all for sharing what has worked for you. 
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
    CornchipLAexpandcontractbdesterhouse
  • Holy crap your MIL sounds like a piece of work! @WinchesterGirl
    WinchesterGirlCornchipLAPerraSuciabdesterhouse
  • Also for another random, all of the plumbing in our house backed up today, and DH has to work until 1 AM. So my nauseated, yoga pants wearing butt went to my brother's house and laid on his couch all afternoon. You know what doesn't go with morning sickness? Broken plumbing. 
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
    expandcontractFishyMom
  • My MIL used to be pushy, she's the oldest girl of 4 siblings and had 2 boys... She's used to being the HBIC. 
    Well, in my little family of 3 I'm the HBIC, and I have to remind her of that every so often. Whenever I feel she's overstepping I let her know and I back off for a while. She usually gets the hint and will chill. 
    I have to just be direct with her. 
    WinchesterGirl
  • @Gingersnap She is... we have learned that space is our best option when she gets like that.
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
  • edited July 2016
    blush64 said:
    I prefer visitors in the hospital. During labour anyone is welcome but I may or may not ignore them. During the delivery everyone can leave. Within 30 minutes after anyone is welcome back. I prefer a million visitors in the hospital and very few at home. For the birth of my second son I allowed my MIL to stay although I hated it. It seemed to mean a lot to her at the time although that side of the family has been out of our lives for many ears now. Since my ex husband left they all disowned us too. I tried to stay in touch for years before giving up.

    This is not really for those posting here. It is more something that bugs me with family members I have. I do think it's really important to include the in-laws as equally as possible. A lot of women want their family given different treatment because they are usually closer to their own mom and family. I get it. I just know that as the mother of sons I hope that if and when they have children their wives are open to his side as well. I have male relatives who are kept away from family gatherings to keep the peace at home. There were kept at a distance most of the time the children were really young. The wives side isn't automatically more important. 

    All that said I don't think that means bending to their wishes every time or letting them walk on you. They need to be respectful. They need to be willing to compromise and be understanding.  


    I completely get that dh's family need to be involved but this can be extremely difficult when mil is constantly horrible to you!
    my mil (at our engagement party) Told me that she cried when dh told her he was goin to propose to me as i would be "taking him away" from her. Dh's family situation is very difficult in that his dad died when he was only 17 & has a younger brother who was less than a year old when their dad died, dh being the oldest of 4 has been seen as the father figure in the house for the past 14 years, especially where his brother is concerned. Dh is so good to his family, which is just another reason i love him so much, but sometimes its difficult as his mum treats everything between me & her as a competition (christmas presents, holidays, time spent together) so much that i spend as little time as possible with her (plus she constantly insults me when she sees me - usually about my weight). Plus she also turned round to my bil (who is only 15 & has aspergers) and said "youll not be number one any more" when we told them about the baby!

    she doesnt seem to see that there is room for us both equally in his life. Im a little concerned that when the baby arrives she will resent him/her aswell because they will be more competition for her golden boys attention.

    i will try my best to include her in my childs life as she is dhs mother but i will not stand back and let her treat my child the way she feels is acceptable to treat me. 
    WinchesterGirl
  • @Janefelicity  No where did I say to let someone have a big part in your life if they were disrespectful or rude or harmful. I said they need to be respectful, compromising, understanding. And I said that you shouldn't let them walk on you. (Basically word for word from what I wrote) 

    My point is the man's family is equally important. Many times we are willing to overlook our own family's faults but get stuck on the faults of our in-laws. This can negatively impact the kids in small ways. (Or bigger ways depending) Not harmful personalities, not serious issues, those things shouldn't be overlooked and I didnt think they should be.
    expandcontract
  • @blush64 i agree as i has both sets of grandparents growing up & was extemely close inparticular to my dads parents as we lived next door. Its only now that im married and starting my own family that i see how difficult this was for my own mum as she didnt have the best relationship with my dads parents but i never seen this at all as a child & she never let her feelings interfere with me & my sisters relationship with our grandparents.

    I would love for our baby to have the same kind relationships with both sides that i did & I really would like to try to not let my mils attitude affect how much our child will be around her as i think itd be unfair to dh but im just so unsure of how she will react to the child & that makes me nervous.
  • @Janefelicity I am sure you will figure everything out. Maybe she will be better, maybe she will improve after your husband sets some rules down. If not, you do have options to limit her time with your child. (Or ban her completely if it went that far) Hopefully you won't need to.
    leprechaunlady
  • @WinchesterGirl I had assumed you were Mormon with the no drinking thing but I don't know any Mormon people who are not super inclusive with each other like that. 
  • @FishyMom I snapped at MIL "just give me my baby already" at a huge family thing and it was a big drama but like he was crying so much my boobs were leaking 

    @AfKash my FIL was also diagnosed with prostate cancer while I was pregnant and I know while doing radiation he wasn't allowed to be near me or hold babies. Just a FYI 
    @PerraSucia I had asked the doctor about that and he actually told me that I would be fine, and the radiation will not reach the baby.  
    But thanks for reminding me of this issue because when the topic of them moving in comes up again, I'm just going to use this as another excuse.  (I'll do what I have to do.)


  • blush64 said:
    I prefer visitors in the hospital. During labour anyone is welcome but I may or may not ignore them. During the delivery everyone can leave. Within 30 minutes after anyone is welcome back. I prefer a million visitors in the hospital and very few at home. For the birth of my second son I allowed my MIL to stay although I hated it. It seemed to mean a lot to her at the time although that side of the family has been out of our lives for many ears now. Since my ex husband left they all disowned us too. I tried to stay in touch for years before giving up.

    This is not really for those posting here. It is more something that bugs me with family members I have. I do think it's really important to include the in-laws as equally as possible. A lot of women want their family given different treatment because they are usually closer to their own mom and family. I get it. I just know that as the mother of sons I hope that if and when they have children their wives are open to his side as well. I have male relatives who are kept away from family gatherings to keep the peace at home. There were kept at a distance most of the time the children were really young. The wives side isn't automatically more important. 

    All that said I don't think that means bending to their wishes every time or letting them walk on you. They need to be respectful. They need to be willing to compromise and be understanding.  

    @blush64 I agree with you that we need to include our husbands' sides of the families equally. And I tried to do that in the beginning. But they don't listen to my wishes and privacy concerns.  And then they wonder why I'm mad. They like to go around telling people that I  have a hot temper. Ughhh. My family, on the other hand, I tell them something once and they do it right away.  


  • @AfKash I'm sorry that they didn't listen to you when you obviously had the best handle on the situation! Like @PerraSucia said, pregnant ladies need restricted contact with cancer patients receiving treatment. If he's receiving chemo you shouldn't be coming into contact with bodily fluids (sweat, urine, saliva, etc.)  following treatment. I mean there are precautions you can take, but in my humble stranger opinion, that is putting all kinds of stress and pressure into one household and might not be the best for anyone's health.
    @floatingelephy Thank you for your support! My FIL has been getting hormone and radiation treatment.  But yes, you do make a great point.  Thank you!!


  • edited July 2016
    A separate random..... 
    I wish somebody told me that eating will cause me to be short of breath.  For the last 4 days, I kept getting SOB after eating a meal and I thought it was my asthma.  Only this morning did I realize that it's because of the space the food is taking up in my belly. It's hard to believe because at 12 weeks, the baby is still tiny.  But I asked my mom and she said "ohhhh ya, that happens.  You have to eat smaller portions to avoid that." 

    But I'm so ravenous....I can't eat smaller portions. I already don't eat much to begin with. Woof.  Pregnancy problems. Oh well. 

    Edit: It deleted part of my comment.  


    kirstynikole
  • I just need a moment to wallow in self pity.
    I just spent the last three hours editing a client's photo session and forgot to eat my hourly snack/meals to hold away the nausea. The result was violent puking into the closest thing available- my office trash can. 
    I'm over this forcing myself to eat every hour nonsense. Nothing sounds good, and I'm tired of choking down the same boring food. Just gotta keep reminding myself this is a small blip of time. Ugh. Ok rant over. 

    expandcontractWinchesterGirlFishyMom
  • I <3 Amazon Prime. I've placed like 5 orders in the last two days. Though not the book club book, bc I'm still sad about my Kindle...
    kirstynikoleWinchesterGirlFishyMom
  • @MommaBean what's wrong with your kindle??

  • MommaBean said:
    @kirstynikole H smushed it :( 

    Oh no!!

  • I finally felt well enough to cook my H dinner without barfing....for the first time in months. 
    So awesome! I can't wait for that day!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    FishyMom
  • kswiger06 said:
    I usually hate when people ask how far I am this early in pregnancy. When I respond they always act like it's insignificant because it's so close to the beginning. Today though my husband's, cousin's, wife (lol) responded by exclaiming "You're 3 months?!?" She couldn't believe I was 3 months and she didn't know it, but I decided 3 months makes it sound a lot further than 12 weeks. 3 of 9 months or 12 of 40 weeks... I'm going to go with the months I think.
    I totally get what you're saying.  I've had people react that way to me, too. And it's frustrating because it is a huge deal.  Like what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you have to wait 6 more months until I have my baby? 


    kswiger06FishyMom
  • @afkash lol I've never been able to find the words to describe how it makes me feel. With my second, I was excited to hit 13 weeks and my dad sarcastically said "congratulations, you're a little bit pregnant" I was like "whaaat? I'm 1/3 of the way there!" Lol and it's not just a certain person or group, it's every single person who asks. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    expandcontractmrslittlemacWinchesterGirlFishyMom
  • MommaBeanMommaBean
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2016
    Yesterday, DS and I planted and mulched our front bed and DH and I fixed the dishwasher. Today, I filled up two bags for Salvation Army and cooked dinner from scratch. Then my dryer stopped working. This is what I get for thinking I was kicking ass. Woe is me!

    ETA: I of course realized this when I put a load in to dry. So it's just sitting in there wet. And it's pouring outside. I don't even know what to do! Lol
    Gretchypookswiger06CornchipLAWinchesterGirl
  • AfKash said:
    kswiger06 said:
    I usually hate when people ask how far I am this early in pregnancy. When I respond they always act like it's insignificant because it's so close to the beginning. Today though my husband's, cousin's, wife (lol) responded by exclaiming "You're 3 months?!?" She couldn't believe I was 3 months and she didn't know it, but I decided 3 months makes it sound a lot further than 12 weeks. 3 of 9 months or 12 of 40 weeks... I'm going to go with the months I think.
    I totally get what you're saying.  I've had people react that way to me, too. And it's frustrating because it is a huge deal.  Like what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you have to wait 6 more months until I have my baby? 
    I swear to god the stupid reactions you get from saying you're 3 months is because people know it's too early for them to have opinions yet.  They know they can't comment on your size or try to use stupid old wives' tales to guess the sex or make an offensive "are you sure it is/isn't twins?" joke yet.  The best comments I've gotten are from BTDT moms who have just said something quietly, like, "the first trimester sucks.  Hope you feel better soon."

    ________________________________________________________


    Started TTC #1 November 2015
    BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017


    Pregnancy Ticker
    expandcontractskiingstarkLC12261012FishyMom
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