On an unrelated to dogs note, were people talking about starting a Ask a STM thread? I think it's a fun idea and we could do weekly like I've seen on some other boards... Now that I've learned to lurk the other boards.
As long as it doesn't get started on Mondays, lol
SITB
Unfortunately it's too late for me to change the Welcome post, but let's do it anyway! Anyone out there want to get it going? Maybe we could start it later in the week so keep conversation flowing over the weekend.
Ugh I need an ear for a moment. Soooo long story short my dad and I have a somewhat strained relationship. I've only seen him 3 times since 2001 but we mostly get along. He has a bad habit of "falling off the face of the Earth" every few months, for a month or two at a time. I think that's all this is, but it still hurts considerably. I called three times on June 20 and when he didn't answer and didn't call back, I texted the news that I was pregnant on the next day. Got a "Cool" texted back. Have sent pictures of ultrasounds, tried to call Monday with gender info (gave up and texted that too) and have tried to keep him in the loop. Still no response, might as well be talking to a brick wall. He was so excited for the first one, and I can't think of anything I could've done to piss him off.... sigh. Maybe Hubby is right, better to not keep trying to force that door to stay open. It's just ridiculously frustrating, I have a very small family as it is and want to hold on to the few I have left. Anyway. Thanks for letting me rant, sorry this turned into a novel.
Tl;dr - my dad responded "Cool" to pregnancy news and hasn't spoken to me since, I'm trying to figure out why without pulling teeth. I'm his only kid and this will be his first grandkid.
@MrsLittleMac I'm sorry he reacted that way, I know that must have hurt. But please know that it's not you, it's all on him. You've extended multiple olive branches and tried to keep the relationship going. The ball is in his court now.
Thanks @MommaBean and @BumpasaurusRex I'm just a bit extra sensitive about it lately. I care less for my own behalf but I just have images of years of this little one being disappointed and let down the same way I was. At least I know her dad will be amazing, but my grandpa was such an important part of my life growing up and she won't have that experience at all, at this rate. Just makes me very sad.
@MrsLittleMac I, too, have a strained relationship with my dad. The best advice I can give is to just let it go, you're only causing yourself more pain. I know it's hard, but once you can free yourself from wanting/needing his attention/love/approval/what have you, a weight will lift off your shoulders. Obviously I can't speak for your dad, but in my case, I will text my dad big news once. He may or not may respond, and that's fine. I feel like I've done my part by letting him know, it's up to him whether or not he wants to be involved.
We have a Jack Russell/boxer mix, pretty much the most hyper goofy mix ever. The first week after DD was born was insane with the dog. I'm not proud but one day H came home and I said the dog had to go. She was so overprotective of the new baby she literally barked all day long at everything that walked by. H knew I wasn't serious so he would take her to doggy daycare each morning and pick her up on the way home. After the second week she was finally comfortable with the baby and knew she didn't have to bark all the time. I was so careful about getting her ready for baby but never taught her to be quiet because barking wasn't an issue before DD. Now she understands the command quiet and I'm hoping she doesn't do it again with this little one.
If we are going to start a HDBD post on Wednesdays, maybe add the ask a STM+ that day too? I don't want to start any threads, but happy to contribute. :-)
I actually was waiting for a bump thread yesterday, but me and my fake belly will look much better after I get a much needed haircut today.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
I'm sorry you're dealing with that @MrsLittleMac. My relationship with my parents is strained too and it can be really hard some days. Mine actually reacted like they were upset I was pregnant like it was hurting their lives somehow since according to them they weren't ready to be grandparents... They've gotten a little better now that they've had some time for the news to sink in but really I just re-evaluated our relationship and adjusted my expectations accordingly. It doesn't really help the hurt I initially felt but moving forward it is making it easier since I'm not expecting much excitement from them. Instead I'm focusing on the people who are excited and happy for us like DH's parents, grandma, and sister and even my Aunt and Grandma were all really excited and so they are the people who are going to get to hear more and be more involved in the future.
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
@MrsLittleMac I know this is SUPER hard and I struggle with it myself, but don't let your expectations for how people should behave piss in your cheerios. Like my son is going to be 3 in November and my mother has NEVER called to check on him or try to skype with him or anything. She sends a toy for xmas and his birthday with a note that says "love grandma" it's the weirdest shit.
@MrsLittleMac I know this is SUPER hard and I struggle with it myself, but don't let your expectations for how people should behave piss in your cheerios. Like my son is going to be 3 in November and my mother has NEVER called to check on him or try to skype with him or anything. She sends a toy for xmas and his birthday with a note that says "love grandma" it's the weirdest shit.
Has your mom still not seen your son in person? My dad and step mom still havent bothered to see my son.
@sweetT - how were you able to break your dog of the barking habit? We have two dogs, and they are both barkers (at different times). One is normal - when someone is walking toward the house or approaches the door. The other we joke sees ghosts cause she'll start barking obsessively and won't stop and we can't find what she's barking at.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
@MrsLittleMac - Sorry you are going through that. I don't have any luck in the Dad dept either. My bio dad skipped town when I was a tot, never to look back again. My adopted/step-father was a jerk during my childhood, and is now addicted to drugs and never there for myself or my sister who is his bio daughter. I shared with him the news that I was pregnant, he said How great! I am so excited! and proceeded to post all over facebook that I'm pregnant, even though I told him at the time it was mum until we saw the Dr 2 weeks later. He took it down and hasn't spoken to me since. Dads are overrated in my book. Just try your best to lavish in the love and good relationships you do have....that is what I do
MrsLittleMac, I'm so sorry he responded in such a lame indifferent way. What you said really makes me see why the mini motorcycle held so much significance for you. I haven't talked to mine in almost 2 years and it was very strained before that. I know what you mean to about wanting your own little one to have a good quality grandparent relationship. I had it as a kid, but my own kids really do not and it sucks. I won't lie, I get jealous hearing and seeing others parents helping them with their kids and being so hands on and interactive with their grandkids. You're doing everything you can possibly do to give your dad a chance to really be involved and he's blowing it. And I'm sorry you're the one left hurting because of it.
@MrsLittleMac creepy Internet hugs! I struggle with some of the same things with my dad too. It sucks bc we have to sometimes mourn the absence of a relationship even though we have done everything possible to make amends on our end. It's totally his loss and you are a much stronger person for living through that. For me, it helps me to appreciate my husband even more for being a great dad.
@GlitterDragonoh my god she came out once when he was six weeks old and wouldn't hold him and expected me to take her out to lunch and dinner every single day. Like she didn't even hang out with him so I could shower.
Later she blamed me for her debt because she came out to meet him.
Thanks all! I really needed to hear that I'm not the only one, though I hate it for all of us. And @PerraSucia I'm sorry to hear about your mother--maybe some of our little ones will truly be better off without those influences? That's what I tell myself anyway
@PerraSucia good grief. Your mom sounds somewhat like my step mom. They live out of state and were planning on coming when I had my c section. She literally said "can you bring him to the hotel and leave him with us for a few days?" Sure crazy lady! I'll drive over there 2 days post op and hand over my newborn! I told her not to come. That kind of selfishness is insufferable.
Can I just take a second to tip my hat to those of you who are going to the office or running around after kids throughout the first trimester? I've been working a couple of days a week and doing house projects the rest of the days for the last two weeks, and I'm EXHAUSTED. I genuinely don't know how I would be able to work a full schedule right now. I am due back at school on the day I turn 13 weeks, and even then, it's just 3 weeks of meetings and professional development, so I'm thanking my lucky stars that I'll be solidly into the second trimester by the time classes start.
I feel you guys on the Dad front. Mine hasn't talked to me in 15 years, since I was a teen. Idk what his problem is, and have tried reaching out. Worst part though? My kid is his only bio Gkid and he apparently has no interest in her.
@MonaLisaRalphio I've been feeling much better this week, and have lost so much time trying to fix dumb mistakes I made throughout the first tri. It's tough! I came clean pretty early, and I'm glad I did because I'm sure she noticed I haven't been myself.
Can I just take a second to tip my hat to those of you who are going to the office or running around after kids throughout the first trimester? I've been working a couple of days a week and doing house projects the rest of the days for the last two weeks, and I'm EXHAUSTED. I genuinely don't know how I would be able to work a full schedule right now. I am due back at school on the day I turn 13 weeks, and even then, it's just 3 weeks of meetings and professional development, so I'm thanking my lucky stars that I'll be solidly into the second trimester by the time classes start.
I sent my kid to preschool and came home and slept.
@Xstatic3333 yeah I am trying to go as long as possible without telling anyone at work. As soon as HR finds out, they'll start balancing my paychecks so that my lost wages for FMLA will be spread out throughout my contract year, and I'm not trying to get paid several hundred dollars less every paycheck for the entire school year to make up for the 12 weeks I'll be out. I'm hoping they'll just think I'm fat for a while.
@GlitterDragon I had an experience similar to yours. After my first was born my mil came out. We were in Hawaii so I understand wanting to be a tourist but she made me feel like a bag of crap when I said I wanted to stay home. He was 3 weeks old. I had a million stitches and was depressed. So I was dragged out of the house a ton with a newborn and it was the most miserable experience of my life. I ended up getting super mean. There were tears and later apologies. I will never forget that week and how it made me feel. To this day the guilt I feel over the whole time just isn't worth the help. I'm happy for you that you told them not to come!
@MonaLisaRalphio whaaaat that should be at your discretion - to take the hit all at once or over the course of the year. Will you get 6 weeks of it paid, at least?
@MonaLisaRalphio whaaaat that should be at your discretion - to take the hit all at once or over the course of the year. Will you get 6 weeks of it paid, at least?
@GlitterDragon I had an experience similar to yours. After my first was born my mil came out. We were in Hawaii so I understand wanting to be a tourist but she made me feel like a bag of crap when I said I wanted to stay home. He was 3 weeks old. I had a million stitches and was depressed. So I was dragged out of the house a ton with a newborn and it was the most miserable experience of my life. I ended up getting super mean. There were tears and later apologies. I will never forget that week and how it made me feel. To this day the guilt I feel over the whole time just isn't worth the help. I'm happy for you that you told them not to come!
You would think having had children before, she would be more sensitive to what you needed. Damn I'm sorry that sounds terrible.
@GlitterDragon it was really crappy. We've made up it seems thankfully but she's just very needy. I think we are both just really guilty feeling people so she feels guilt for me not going. So with that then she didn't want to go and then I felt bad for her not getting to enjoy her vacation. It was a yucky cycle. Still is honestly lol.
@MonaLisaRalphio whaaaat that should be at your discretion - to take the hit all at once or over the course of the year. Will you get 6 weeks of it paid, at least?
LOL. I get no time paid.
What the heck kind of county do you work for?! No sick bank? Disability insurance? Your own sick days saved up? Ludicrous.
(Don't think I'm weird for being so interested, but I really didn't know teacher experience and benefits varied so much until hearing from you and some of the other women here.)
@MonaLisaRalphio whaaaat that should be at your discretion - to take the hit all at once or over the course of the year. Will you get 6 weeks of it paid, at least?
LOL. I get no time paid.
What the heck kind of county do you work for?! No sick bank? Disability insurance? Your own sick days saved up? Ludicrous.
(Don't think I'm weird for being so interested, but I really didn't know teacher experience and benefits varied so much until hearing from you and some of the other women here.)
Jumping in.... Here, teachers can't use the sick bank for maternity leave. I can use my sick days, but once I'm out of those (beginning of May) I will be unpaid the rest of the school year! Sucks.
Yeah, both my parents are teachers and their benefits are the worst. With 4 of my moms 5 pregnancies, she took 2 weeks off unpaid and then had to go straight back to work. It was bullshit. The last one she said screw it and was a stay at home mom for like a year.
@MonaLisaRalphio whaaaat that should be at your discretion - to take the hit all at once or over the course of the year. Will you get 6 weeks of it paid, at least?
LOL. I get no time paid.
What the heck kind of county do you work for?! No sick bank? Disability insurance? Your own sick days saved up? Ludicrous.
(Don't think I'm weird for being so interested, but I really didn't know teacher experience and benefits varied so much until hearing from you and some of the other women here.)
I mean, I have to use up all my paid sick time before I can even use FMLA, but I'll still be out for 12 unpaid weeks after I use my sick time in order to get me through the end of the school year. I got married last year in November and took several days off, an then I took a couple of extra days around spring break for my honeymoon in March, and I've only been working at my school for 3 years, so I think I only have 12 or 13 days banked right now. We have the option for short-term disability insurance, but I wasn't really thinking about babies when I started working for my school district, and adding it now won't do me any good because you have to be on the plan for a year before you can use it. My state doesn't require disability insurance. And... I have no idea what a sick bank is.
@mjsommer I hear you on the guilty feeling. Hopefully she'll be more relaxed because it's your second(?) kid. My mom was with me to "help." But ended up screaming at me that I was "selfish and no help". I had had a csection 4 days previous of her saying this. Ive become used to her outbursts though so it wasn't too bad. I do plan on not seeing her for about a month after this one is born. The little help she did give us really wasn't worth the stress.
Yeah, both my parents are teachers and their benefits are the worst. With 4 of my moms 5 pregnancies, she took 2 weeks off unpaid and then had to go straight back to work. It was bullshit. The last one she said screw it and was a stay at home mom for like a year.
Apart from the lack of leave benefits (which are uniform across all state employees, actually), the rest of my benefits are actually awesome. I get a pension, which, what even is that anymore, and my health and dental insurance are the bomb dot com and cost me almost nothing. But yeah. Leave benefits suck. I can technically take a whole year off if I want, now that I'm tenured, but I would only be guaranteed A job and not MY job when I come back. I work in a brand new 78 million dollar facility, and some of the other schools in my city are crumbling and/or scary. No thanks.
Sick bank: at the beginning of every year, you donate one of your sick days to it. Then, teachers who are out for a long time - car accidents, chemo, pregnancy - can use days from the sick bank after they're out of their own sick days to keep getting paid.
My county includes maternity leave. If I only had a few sick days of my own, the sick bank would pay me for 6 weeks (or 8, in the case of a C-section). But you have to use your own days, first. I have 7+weeks of sick days stored up, so my maternity leave will come out of my own sick days.
I've been wondering about the whole help issue. MIL wants to take the week off to help after H goes back to work, but with just one LO, unless I have a CS I'm wondering how much help I'll really need. I really, really value alone time so the idea of having her there all day every day seems more stressful than being alone with an infant, even though she's nice and we have a good relationship. I wouldn't mind if she stopped by for an hour or two, but I'm not sure there's any nice way to frame this.
And @MonaLisaRalphio, that sucks; I'm sorry. Awesome that you'll be able to take so much time off (I'll probably go back right before spring break), but crappy that you don't get any paid leave.
Re: Weekly Randoms (7/25)
Just thought I'd let you ladies know because important.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
Tl;dr - my dad responded "Cool" to pregnancy news and hasn't spoken to me since, I'm trying to figure out why without pulling teeth. I'm his only kid and this will be his first grandkid.
Hugs.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
The first week after DD was born was insane with the dog. I'm not proud but one day H came home and I said the dog had to go. She was so overprotective of the new baby she literally barked all day long at everything that walked by. H knew I wasn't serious so he would take her to doggy daycare each morning and pick her up on the way home. After the second week she was finally comfortable with the baby and knew she didn't have to bark all the time. I was so careful about getting her ready for baby but never taught her to be quiet because barking wasn't an issue before DD. Now she understands the command quiet and I'm hoping she doesn't do it again with this little one.
I actually was waiting for a bump thread yesterday, but me and my fake belly will look much better after I get a much needed haircut today.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Later she blamed me for her debt because she came out to meet him.
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
Mine hasn't talked to me in 15 years, since I was a teen. Idk what his problem is, and have tried reaching out.
Worst part though? My kid is his only bio Gkid and he apparently has no interest in her.
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
(Don't think I'm weird for being so interested, but I really didn't know teacher experience and benefits varied so much until hearing from you and some of the other women here.)
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
The little help she did give us really wasn't worth the stress.
________________________________________________________
Started TTC #1 November 2015
BFP 6/10/2016 - EDD 2/22/2017
My county includes maternity leave. If I only had a few sick days of my own, the sick bank would pay me for 6 weeks (or 8, in the case of a C-section). But you have to use your own days, first. I have 7+weeks of sick days stored up, so my maternity leave will come out of my own sick days.
Edit: autocorrect typo