Twatwaffle Tuesday!

hartmich · July 2016

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/J7J9BrE3O7pn2/giphy.gif

Maggie1202 · July 2016

My body!! That is my TW today. I'm so frustrated and I don't know where to post this to vent/get advice, because I don't even know where I belong.

When I post in WTO, I say that I'm on cycle 10. And that's true, in the sense that we have essentially been NTNP for 10 months. I started with temping and tracking everything and I got really overwhelmed really quickly and I couldn't keep going. I became a little depressed and I took a break. This past cycle, I decided that it was time to really give it the old college try again. I'm not temping, but I'm taking PNVs and I was using OPKs.

I started OPKs on CD 11 (my typical cycle is 26-28 days so I thought it may have been too late) and I was using CBAD tests. I had low readings the first 3 days, then had high readings for 4 days after that. Never had a peak reading, never turned a Wandfo (despite trying 3 times a day).

So, now I'm on CD 21 and I've given up testing. I'm tired of peeing on stuff. I figure that I either have the shortest LP ever or I don't ovulate. Obviously, it could be something different but that's what it feels like right now. I'm just upset and frustrated. Also, I kind of feel broken. And my PCP won't give me a referral for any type of testing for 2 more months. I'm stuck.

I don't even want to have a glass of wine on the off chance that there is a bean brewing in there.

AND, I can't find a GIF to properly express my feelings. UGH!

laurad75 · July 2016

@Maggie1202 I know! My issues are different than yours and I have posted them on 2 different threads already today but why is my body and my reproductive system being such a jerk?! Its so frustrating.

GrabberBlue2010 · July 2016

@Maggie1202 - Darling, you are where I was a month ago. I usually O around CD17-22 on an average for me 33 - 35 day cycle.... I DID turn OPK's positive...5 different times before I finally quit. I finally O'd on CD 49. It is possible you just might be having a long cycle this month. I know that gives zero comfort and is not a lot of good info. But it is all I got. HUGS

GrabberBlue2010 · July 2016

The twatwaffle award goes to me today.

I decided to test before lunch cause...well... i convinced myself that I am totes KTFU. I am not. BFN. So I will not test again cause that means all my totally KU symptoms are just AF symptoms. I KNOW BETTER.

Andplusalso my mood makes me a total twatwaffle minus the waffle. I am not even sorry. Except towards DH. I feel sorry for being a jerk to him.

Edit cause I need a gif...

eggplantface · July 2016

I know I'm irrational about this, but my RE's office is being a TW for me today. They emailed and said I should call to schedule my follow up appointment (after having an HSG and saline sono to confirm the myomectomy was a success). I wrote back and said "Do you mean now, to discuss the test results, or in a couple of months if we still haven't conceived?" She said "Oh, it was to discuss treatment options now, but you can totally try on your own for a couple of months if you want to, then come in for treatment options!"

I just feel like, okay, I had this physical barrier to getting pregnant, and now it's gone, so I can just try on my own, for free, for, like, just a little bit? Can we not jump right to medical intervention when by all rights I could be totally fine to do this on my own? Treatment would involve IUIs and drugs and my insurance covers none of that so I want to at least see how things go. Again, this is irrational and I'm sure H would think I'm nuts for being annoyed by it, but it bugs me.

Here are puppy gifs. Don't need a reason.

Image: https://wpmedia.o.canada.com/2013/06/sleepypuppy.gif

Image: https://barkpost-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/dog-sleeping-on-vent-its-hot.gif

PurpleRains · July 2016

@maggie1202 Aw, honey...our bodies are just bitches. I'm sorry *creepy interweb hugs*

Aurora1973 · July 2016

@eggplantface I totally get why you feel that way. I haven't even had any tests done yet, and I felt like my specialist was already jumping to IUI or IVF. I actually got a very good vibe from him, and I think he's very good at what he does. But it was disheartening to feel like assistance was already an assumption, just because of my age or the fact that I was even there. It makes me wonder how many people, who are less educated about the many intricacies of TTC than I am, have jumped to IUI or IVF when they may have been able to conceive on their own. By no means am I demonizing the industry...I am so very grateful it's an option, and I think it's brought miracles to so many. But someone who hasn't done the crazy research I have would probably have forked over the dough and said let's do this...

PurpleRains · July 2016

@Aurora1973 Same. #AMAs

laurad75 · July 2016

@Aurora1973, @ahrains

AMA group hug

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/l396BZVg6Jn0hDj2w/giphy.gif

I'm sorry. I just learned how to gif and cannot stop.

PurpleRains · July 2016

@laurad75

GrabberBlue2010 · July 2016

@laurad75

eggplantface · July 2016

Aurora1973 said:

@eggplantface I totally get why you feel that way. I haven't even had any tests done yet, and I felt like my specialist was already jumping to IUI or IVF. I actually got a very good vibe from him, and I think he's very good at what he does. But it was disheartening to feel like assistance was already an assumption, just because of my age or the fact that I was even there. It makes me wonder how many people, who are less educated about the many intricacies of TTC than I am, have jumped to IUI or IVF when they may have been able to conceive on their own. By no means am I demonizing the industry...I am so very grateful it's an option, and I think it's brought miracles to so many. But someone who hasn't done the crazy research I have would probably have forked over the dough and said let's do this...

Yes yes yes!

Image: https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KJCM19ZEoGY/VOpC1RfwANI/AAAAAAAASQQ/-V-NfHPr0Tc/s1600/Bam.gif

Sometimes I feel like their bread and butter is IUI and IVF so they push for it to make money. And yeah, they're the experts and do this all day every day so they know the odds, I get it. But it just rubs me the wrong way when it's "Oh, you're over 35? ALL THE MEDS AND IVF NOW!"

PurpleRains · July 2016

@aurora1973 and @eggplantface I am SO worried about this with going to an RE (my OB does my Clomid right now). "Oh, you're 40? *tsk tsk* Let's get some needles and shit." Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are Catholic so IVF is not an option for us (I, in no way, shape or form judge anyone who uses IVF to get their sweet take home baby - it's a personal choice only). We can do IUI but that doesn't mean it's the very next thing I want to jump to!

NamelessAria · July 2016

My husband and I are both twatwaffles today.

He's told me that he thinks we should stop IF/RPL testing. And though he didn't come out and say this was his reason he strongly hinted at his change of heart being cost related. And, just to be clear on this, we can afford it. We may have to go without some luxuries for a couple of months but it isn't like paying for treatment is beyond us. He said he'd rather just "keep trying naturally for a couple more years and then if we still haven't had a baby we'll just adopt." He clearly has no idea how expensive adoption is. And sure you could foster to adopt for a lot less than a private adoption but he has always refused to even consider fostering as an option. I have a feeling he is one of those people who think there are perfectly healthy white babies just laying around waiting for someone to come adopt them practically for free.

I'm a twatwaffle because I have no plans to stop testing even though he has voiced his opinion that we should stop. I think if I have to just deal with him funding a bachelor party for his friend that will easily cost us $1k and he couldn't even discuss it with me before hand then he can suck it up and pay for some more testing. Because our potential future baby and my mental health (because I can't just keep trying and just keep having losses for the next "couple more years.") are at least as important as his friend's fucking party.

adirat · July 2016

@NamelessAria That's really tough. I'm sorry for you that he feels this way. Maybe you can talk about it more and come to some agreement? (Though I couldn't agree more about the bachelor party!)

Also -- would he be open to reading more about adoption to learn that in fact non-foster adoption is pretty hard and if you want a healthy, white infant, it's not easy/almost impossible to do quickly? Or how many adoption agencies that do overseas work are somewhere between sketchy and scammers? My DH definitely though adoption was all sunshine and puppies until I shared with him what I'd read. (I believe my first introduction to this was Kathryn Joyce's book.)

magnolia131 · July 2016

@eggplantface I completely respect your opinion. When I first was diagnosed with PCOS, my OB's first reaction was to put me on Clomid. I, instead, waited 6 months to try diet/exercise and see if my hormonal imbalance improved (which it did) before taking that step. Unfortunately, my cycles still remained wayyy too far apart so I finally agreed to try Clomid in June, and it's worked to get me ovulating/my body has fortunately not had any adverse reactions to it. Meanwhile, my hormonal imbalances have continued to improve and mostly gone back to normal (like they were when I was on BC). If 3 rounds of Clomid with monitoring are not successful, our next route is an RE...but even then I feel I will still be curious enough to want to wait a few cycles and see what my body is capable of doing for itself before resorting to more invasive/expensive procedures.

jackiemarie1989-2 · July 2016

@NamelessAria, I'm sorry you guys are in disagreement. I can't blame you for being frustrated. "A couple years" TTC is a big deal and takes a toll. I hope you guys can talk it out/come to an agreement.

My DH so far has been very "meh" about TTC. I know he has some more feels deep down about having another kid, ttc, etc, but trying to drag it out of him to talk about it is like pulling teeth.

Aurora1973 · July 2016

Testing/potential IF/dealing with the RE is so scary for us all. But yes, we have that AMA label practically on our foreheads. It's good times. But @ahrains, @laurad75, @eggplantface, and a couple of others like I think @sirius37 (please correct me if I'm wrong!!), I'm so thankful I have you guys to at least virtually go through this with

Image: https://img11.hostingpics.net/pics/762347girlss10gof.gif

#AMAersUnite

@NamelessAria I'm so frustrated for you. Lots of creepy internet hugs and FX that you and DH are able to get on, or at least near, the same page. Also, FWIW, I would keep going with testing, too...

eggplantface · July 2016

@NamelessAria Sorry to hear that! I'd also continue with testing. Even if you go with your husband's plan and just "keep trying" without knowing what could be going on, the time will pass anyway and you'll have questions hanging over your head, wondering if you could have done something different. At least with testing you'll know if trying will be worth it or all for naught. Is it really just the money holding him back? My husband was so terrified of his boys being unable to swim that he was dreading his testing. It's funny how these things we think are no big deal are just huge to men.

Ok so I didn't want to trivialize the seriousness of this discussion with a funny gif, but then I said "Huge" and decided to search for a Trump "YUGE" gif and found the following, which I hid under a spoiler because I don't even know what is going on in it and it may not be entirely SFW so don't open with a boss over your shoulder.

Image: https://66.media.tumblr.com/12522d828888cf583c56a3b3c937ab54/tumblr_o34waiBit31ue85vuo1_1280.gif

magnolia131 · July 2016

@NamelessAria I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. While every marriage is different, I know that my husband kind of has an "if it's meant to happen, it will happen" mentality about TTC and is apprehensive to testing/IF treatment, which is frustrating because I am persistent as can be and want so deeply to build a family. We are taking things one day at a time right now but I fear as time goes on that we will come to a crossroads where we disagree on what our next steps will be. And if your DH's reasons are purely financial like you said, and that is unfounded, then I can only imagine how that must feel. I'm new here and know you don't know me, but am wishing you nothing but comfort and positivity while you try to work through this with him.

NamelessAria · July 2016

@adirat I'm going to try to get him to discuss this all some more at some point. And whenever that discussion happens I'm going to try to encourage him to do his own research on adoption since he won't take my word for it that it's difficult. I know I always thought it was easy too because everyone always makes it sound easy when you say you're struggling to get/stay pregnant and their answer oh "just adopt!" like it's so cheap and easy. And you hear people talk about all the unwanted babies. After looking into all of it I'm like "where are all these tons of unwanted babies I kept hearing about!?" So I do get why he thinks it is simple. But hopefully before he makes any final decisions on what he is and is not willing to do moving forward with testing/treatment he'll at least investigate it all for himself. I know I originally said, back when I started TTC, that I wouldn't do any fertility treatments if they ended up being needed. And I'd "just adopt." Once I realized what the process actually entails I quickly changed my plans.

Maybe I'll suggest the book you mentioned.

@JackieMarie1989 Thank you. Yeah "a couple of years" isn't one of those "oh that's totally no big deal" things in life. At least not for me. So hopefully my husband is willing to at least talk this whole thing out some more.

@Aurora1973 Thank you for making me feel less unreasonable here. I'm glad I'm not the only one who would want to continue even without the support of the other person.

@eggplantface and @magnolia131 As to the whole "is it really the money?": I'm not 100% sure. I know when I mentioned that our RE wants to do genetic testing next if hormones look good he immediately said "I'm not sure I want to do that. Genetic testing is really expensive." Pretty much every time it has came up since he'll throw in "I don't know... genetic testing is really expensive." I tried telling him that a HSG and some of the other testing isn't exactly cheap and it's more invasive and far more uncomfortable. I explained that I don't see the point in moving to all that if they could have just done a simple genetic test and told us "one of you has a balanced translocation and that's the problem" or whatever.

He has mentioned, once, that there "isn't any treatment for a genetic issue so what would be the point in knowing?" And he also has previously stated that he is fairly unwilling to do IVF, if it ever were to come to that, for moral/ethical reasons. I guess he sees creating embryos that may not survive the freeze/thaw/transfer or that may end up being destroyed if they're extras as being unethical. I don't share his opinion because TTC the old fashion way seems to be putting any possible future embryos at risk also considering how things have gone so far.

If I can ever get him to discuss this more with me I need to try to find out what his real concern is. Is it just the money? Is it that he feels like there aren't any good options for treatment even if we find something wrong? Does he think that IVF is the only fertility treatable available? Who knows.

I'm hoping that once I know more about his concerns and maybe I can do some education on everything that we'll be able to find some compromise with which we're both OK. I asked him if he wanted to go to the next RE appointment with me and talk to the RE about everything. That would give him a chance to ask what the RE wants to do and what the rationale is. And he'd be able to find out what treatment options are available if the RE finds something wrong during testing. But DH said something like "uhhh..... I could go.... I guess..... Oh wait nope I'm totally slammed with work for the next 2 weeks and couldn't possibly go. Maybe if you scheduled an appointment in 3 weeks or something? I don't know. I'll have to see how my schedule is looking then...." Yeah OK. You could have just said you weren't interested dude. Because, ya know what, he does have time off in 3 weeks. But he's going across the country for a week for his friend's bachelor party. And then after that he's right back to traveling for work.

Sorry guys! This got super long and ranty. I'm just in a really bad mood today and I've had it with my husband's shenanigans. I needed to get that off my chest.

Westy99 · July 2016

@NamelessAria I don't have anything to add. I'm so sorry. T&P!

RedBreast35 · July 2016

Just popping in here to join the AMA group hug! @ahrains @eggplantface @laurad75 @Aurora1973

Also @NamelessAria I wish I had these amazing words of wisdom for you, but I'm not sure there are any words that will really make what you are going through any easier. Huge hugs to you though

Aurora1973 · July 2016

@RedBreast35 I knew I was missing at least one! Here's to being "geriatric"!

Image: https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/a-toast.gif

MrsFL2015 · July 2016

My body is also being TW today.....my cycle is so screwed up and I don't know what to do!

Maggie1202 · July 2016

@laurad75 @grabberblue2010 @ahrains Thank you all for the hugs and support. It doesn't solve the problem, but it does make me feel like I have some wonderful and strong women supporting me and it means a lot!

@mrsfl2015 I feel ya, girl. I'm sorry your cycle is being a TW.

@NamelessAria I don't have any major words of wisdom, but I want to say that I'm so sorry that you and your DH aren't on the same page. That is so hard, and I hope that when you have a discussion with him, he can see things your way. Quite frankly, I think "just trying and seeing what happens for a FEW YEARS" is crazy. T&P for you.

MrsFL2015 · July 2016

Thanks @Maggie1202....If anyone is really good at reading/analyzing charts, I posted mine in today's TWW. I would really appreciate feedback about it because I'm so confused and frustrated.

hezzer78 · July 2016

Oooo can I join the AMA group hug? I think I may be borderline, but I think over 35 is AMA? You're getting hugs from me anyways

@RedBreast35 @ahrains @eggplantface @laurad75 @aurora1973

@namelessaria I don't have anything profound to say, but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and I hope things get worked out with your DH soon

My TW today is myself - and the lady at my gyn's office. I got a letter in the mail that said my gyn is moving offices to another location, but I didn't notice in the letter that it said it was effective next month. I had a yearly appt today and drove to the new location, but lo and behold, no doctor. I called them and asked where they were located and she told me the address then said "We've been here for 3 years, ma'am." Um. OK. Then I laugh and say, yeah I got mixed up I thought you guys had moved offices already...and she proceedes to tell me that no they did not yet, and it was in the letter you got and the date was listed and why didn't you read the letter and it was in the letter didn't you notice it?!?!?!? I was super nice and was like, yeah my bad, I just didn't notice it I'm so sorry. I swear to god - in the process of her rescheduling me she mentioned to me like 5 times that the date the office was switching was in the letter. I'm PMSy already and really just wanted to yell "I KNOW YOU STUPID COW!!! I JUST DIDN'T READ THAT PART! I'VE APOLOGIZED 5 TIMES ALREADY JUST MAKE MY APPOINTMENT AND SHUT YOUR HOLE!"

Image: https://m.popkey.co/d9b43e/bXl03.gif

In retrospect, I realize she's probably had to deal wih that 20 times already - but I was just super crabby

ETA Stupid typos

KirstinH88 · July 2016

hezzer78 said:

I'm PMSy already and really just wanted to yell "I KNOW YOU STUPID COW!!! I JUST DIDN'T READ THAT PART! I'VE APOLOGIZED 5 TIMES ALREADY JUST MAKE MY APPOINTMENT AND SHUT YOUR HOLE!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is the best!

stillclever17 · July 2016

This person I had to deal with at work today. She works for an extension of our agency so many of my coworkers have to deal with her. I rarely do. Well, after this very long day of calling her 5 times and emailing back and forth a bunch of times, I was done. THEN, one of my coworkers called me and told me the person told her she wanted to smack me. Ummm, what? That's really professional... I literally am just sitting here doing my job and it's your job to help me figure out this situation (that I didn't cause). I know she was joking but WTF? Don't be a twatwaffle.

stillclever17 · July 2016

@NamelessAria I'm so sorry about your husband. Is there a neutral 3rd party he could talk to? Maybe you guys know someone who has adopted or has been through IF testing and can talk to him about it. Sometimes my H doesn't believe me about things I say, then he hears it from someone else and it's like a revelation for him. **eye roll** So effing annoying.

@hezzer78 your gif game is on point today. LMAO!

mrsdee15 · July 2016

Uh, sitting next to a chick at a bar that says she's a fitness trainer. She's describing her clients as "chubby... But... I mean, kind of cute." Screw this chick. As someone with diagnosed body dysmorphic disorder, and as a human and woman, she is the actual worst. I feel like crap listening to her.

Aurora1973 · July 2016

@hezzer78 Yep, 35 qualifies as AMA. Welcome to the group hug!

And that makes me really realize that I'm 7+ years into being AMA...

PurpleRains · July 2016

@aurora1973 Same...

RedBreast35 · July 2016

I was going to post a golden girls gif yesterday too but still haven't figured out how to gif on my phone.

You know, those old ladies and their problems with technology....

PurpleRains · July 2016

@RedBreast35 If you do figure it out, let this old lady know!

ETA @eggplantface @aurora1973 @laurad75 @sirius37 @hezzer78 Since we've resurrected this thread I wanted to ask y'all's opinion: Do you ever use the TTC Over 35 board?

laurad75 · July 2016

@ahrains I use the TTC over 35 board. We maybe have one or two threads a week if lucky. I would love it to be more active.

RedBreast35 · July 2016

I've lurked a bit over there, but it didn't seem very active.

Plus I like to pretend I'm younger than I really am

PurpleRains · July 2016

I'll start checking in more - I would like to see it be active as well

Aurora1973 · July 2016

I haven't been over there in a while. It definitely wasn't very active, and I've gotten such good info that is helpful regardless of age over here. But maybe we could band together and make it more active. Start old lady discussions that might bore the other whippersnappers

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