If my kids school had an all or nothing rule, I would probably just call the one friends parents to invite if we weren't doing a huge party. But im a rule breaker ;-) I have always thought the all or nothing was for giving invitations at school, no?
If my kids school had an all or nothing rule, I would probably just call the one friends parents to invite if we weren't doing a huge party. But im a rule breaker ;-) I have always thought the all or nothing was for giving invitations at school, no?
That's how I've always heard it, and I 100% support that rule, but a PP early in the convo said that at her school the rule applied no matter how invites were distributed.
The money aspect is, I agree, a big issue for some families. Heck, we've had some tough financial times where an added expense, even if it was $10, caused some juggling. So I do believe that even if a person was totally fine with inviting the whole class, their budget just didn't allow them to do so.
But there's always the option of scaling back on a party to allow for more guests.
And to be honest, DS changes friends every other week. One day he's best buds with X, then they aren't friends, then they are. If I had to keep up with who his friends are on a weekly basis, I'd go nuts.
If my kids school had an all or nothing rule, I would probably just call the one friends parents to invite if we weren't doing a huge party. But im a rule breaker ;-) I have always thought the all or nothing was for giving invitations at school, no?
That's how I've always heard it, and I 100% support that rule, but a PP early in the convo said that at her school the rule applied no matter how invites were distributed.
Yes the rule at DD's school is you invite the whole class. No distributing outside of school. But it's a REALLY small school so that might be the reasoning. The kids all talk about birthday stuff. That, and since I'm a teacher I tend to follow all of the rules set by hers! And I'm okay with it. DD didn't want a party this year, she wanted to go to the AG store. So she brought her sister, brother, and two friends from outside of school and it was great! The year before her party was at a farm and the whole class came. The rule may change for 1st grade, we'll see!
@Gingersnap I'm not comparing apples and oranges, I'm referring to a birthday party my son attended a few weeks ago in which the bday kid had 2 friends over to go bowling and sleepover.
ETA just to clarify, bc I can see how you'd think I was.
I think it's really interesting to see how different rules play out across the country and I enjoy hearing everyone's thoughts. I know the intent of the rule is good. It's never fun to be left out and can be especially hard for a young child to understand.
I agree that if the invites are coming to school, everyone should get one. That seems fair since it's so "in your face." I think the schools where I've seen it be an all or nothing thing is to prevent the situation that was referenced earlier - when one student who realizes there was a party over the weekend they weren't invited to. Because whether the invites came out in school or through the mail, that still stings.
In my particular elementary/middle school, each grade level had about 100 kids - divided among 4 "homerooms", but starting at age 7 there was a lot of mixing of groups and moving classrooms for different teachers. So you weren't with the same group of 25 kids all day. You might be with your homeroom group for reading, but move to a different group for math, and a different group for science and so on. So by default, you weren't going to get invited to all 100 birthday parties, nor were you expected to invite everyone to yours.
That definitely resulted in some days where I came home from school crying because I wasn't invited to Ashely's birthday party but [insert my three best friends at the time] were. My parents used it as an opportunity to encourage me to find someone else not invited (and by default there was ALWAYS someone else who wasn't invited) and have them over to play or go to a movie. This created a focus on creating a diversity of friendships and reaching out to someone else who might also be feeling down about not being invited. We also had discussions when I created my own invite list about being compassionate and looking at who was invited and who wasn't to ensuring that if my list happened to include all the girls in my science class but one, maybe I invite her because that is not a situation I would want to be in.
Now if we're talking about a class that is just 20 kids, that's a bit of a different situation and I can see where it would be really hurtful to be the only one left out.
I hope that as parents, we are all able to be compassionate and try and monitor that our children aren't engaging in hurtful or bullying behavior.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
@Gingersnap I'm not comparing apples and oranges, I'm referring to a birthday party my son attended a few weeks ago in which the bday kid had 2 friends over to go bowling and sleepover.
ETA just to clarify, bc I can see how you'd think I was.
I guess I just don't consider a 2 kid sleepover a "party".
American Girl was probably more expensive than inviting the whole class @Starfish113
Oh I'm not saying I did it to save money, I'm saying that if she chose something like that, the whole class wasn't an option. That's all. We've done the whole class parties too.
We are having DD's party at a horse stable. Max children allowed is 15, no option to pay more to allow more children. Her class will have 12 children and I will probably only invite 2-4 of those kids because she has lots of friends outside of her preschool. We actually have to ask some of her friends to not bring younger siblings because there just isn't enough room. Last year we hosted her party at home but only invited one person from school and we still ended up with over 20 children. It poured the whole day so we had 20 kids plus like 40 something adults in the house. It was a pumpkin patch theme which was hard to pull off inside. That will not happen again this year! It was beyond hectic!!!
American Girl was probably more expensive than inviting the whole class @Starfish113
Oh I'm not saying I did it to save money, I'm saying that if she chose something like that, the whole class wasn't an option. That's all. We've done the whole class parties too.
Just had my first prenatal and I feel like I'm floating on air! Couldn't find a hb with Doppler (fine, I'm only 10 weeks) so they ol busted out the handheld u/s thingy and I got to see my wriggly baby! Heart fluttering away, arms and legs squirming and EVEN HIS (or her) ADORABLE FACE! MW ended up scheduling a dating u/s to get exact dates. My LMP and O date estimates are only off by 1 day and after having a kid come 8 days late I get nervous about induction, so really that one day could matter. U/S next Friday and I am so giddy!
DD1- Aug11 Angel Baby- June13, said goodbye Oct12 DD2- Aug13 DD3- due Feb17
I got nothing on the birthday debate. DD is only 20 months and I think we are just going to do a family birthday party this year then maybe do a fun outside the home activity (children's museum, pumpkin patch, indoor pool, something) with some of our friends and their families if they have kids closeish in age to her.
Once she is old enough to request play dates with daycare friends I may consider inviting them to a birthday party....but if they aren't close enough to play outside of school/daycare outside of a birthday party I don't plan to invite them to a birthday party either.
@PerraSucia thanks for asking, it hurts a lot and the lumps have merged into super lumps. I fear they will never leave or if they do I will have deep indents where they used to be. (And when I inject in one it feels numb)
How are you feeling?
I am counting down too! I stop one week from tomorrow, same day as the NT scan.
For the past two years, my husband has been a surgery resident here in town. The program to complete surgery residency is five years, but he was only given a preliminary spot each year (meaning nothing is guaranteed and the job is offered year by year). Well, we found out June 1st that he wasn't being renewed and that his last day was June 30th. Of course our bfp made its little appearance on June 19th. Naturally, I've been freaking the fuck out. He's our main source of income because I'm still in law school for one more year (now 1.5 years because of baby). Adding a surprise baby to the unemployment scenario almost gave me a heart attack. But today his program director called! And someone in the surgery program dropped out! And they offered DH the spot! Which is basically unheard of..especially to have someone drop out in the city you want. So yes, sorry for basically posting an AW post, but I needed to share with people who I think could appreciate my relief
For the past two years, my husband has been a surgery resident here in town. The program to complete surgery residency is five years, but he was only given a preliminary spot each year (meaning nothing is guaranteed and the job is offered year by year). Well, we found out June 1st that he wasn't being renewed and that his last day was June 30th. Of course our bfp made its little appearance on June 19th. Naturally, I've been freaking the fuck out. He's our main source of income because I'm still in law school for one more year (now 1.5 years because of baby). Adding a surprise baby to the unemployment scenario almost gave me a heart attack. But today his program director called! And someone in the surgery program dropped out! And they offered DH the spot! Which is basically unheard of..especially to have someone drop out in the city you want. So yes, sorry for basically posting an AW post, but I needed to share with people who I think could appreciate my relief
So glad things are working out for you! I love it when things come together like that.
With my first pregnancy, DH lost his job 11 days before BFP and I had dropped to part time three weeks before that specifically to be on his insurance--they had added a stipulation that in order for them to cover me, I couldn't be eligible through my own job. Then of course when he lost it we were freaaaking out. Glad to be in a slightly better situation and frame of mind this time around.
@blush64 and @perrasucia my RE has me tearing my progesterone level at 9 weeks and I may get to stop as early as Monday! I'm so excited! My butt has been killing me and the lumps are worse this time than any other time I've done this.
I I don't have much to add to the bday debate but will say it has given me a lot of food for thought. 2nd bday in Nov and now I'm wondering if we should do school kids at all.
You guys, I'm starting to have Team Green envy. Anyone else not on the same page with your SO about this? How did you end up handling it? I'm sick of everyone telling me it's "so good we're finding out, gender neutral clothes are so boring" when green and orange are my favorite colors and I'm way more concerned about hearing that heart beat again.
@sjackson408 congrats to your H! And girl, you're a badass for doing all this in law school.
I have moments I want to be surprised in the delivery room with my husband saying we had a girl or we had a boy. He is good at secrets and wants to find out. My FIL has stage 4 cancer and we aren't sure how much time we have left with him. That's another reason my husband wants to find out, so he can tell his dad.
baby will be in our room at least the first four months so I'm not even fazed about paint colors or themes. As long as baby is breathing and comes out alive, my prayers will have been answered.
We have two sleeping beauties in heaven. Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015. They will be forever missed.
You guys, I'm starting to have Team Green envy. Anyone else not on the same page with your SO about this? How did you end up handling it? I'm sick of everyone telling me it's "so good we're finding out, gender neutral clothes are so boring" when green and orange are my favorite colors and I'm way more concerned about hearing that heart beat again.
@sjackson408 congrats to your H! And girl, you're a badass for doing all this in law school.
I really wish I had it in me to wait until the birth to find out the sex of the baby because it must be such a surreal experience and I actually envy those who do it.
I just don't have the type of personality who can hold off. I need to know, lol. I need to prepare and need to have everything ready for when the baby comes. It has nothing to do with neutral colors either.... DS wore a lot of green, yellow and orange. Love all of those colors! Most of them were cuter than the blue. As for H, he couldn't be team green either. He's more curious than me!
is there any way you could handle your SO knowing the sex while you wait it out? If it came to that.
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
That's kind of how I feel too, @bdesterhouse. It's so far down on my list of things to worry about that it bugs the heck out of me that it's the only thing many others seem to care about after we tell them. I'm so sorry about your FIL. I think I'd definitely want to know in that situation, too.
I want to be team green, but DH doesn't at all. And he sucks at keeping secrets. It would have to be either we both find out or we both don't. I wouldn't care if he knew and I didn't, but I know he'll just randomly blow it one day and that's not how I want to find out. I'd rather find out at the birth or together at the A/S. I don't know, guess I just thought it would be fun to keep it a surprise especially because we have one of each already and found out with both of them. He doesn't agree at all and is highly irritated by the fact that I don't want to know haha do we'll see I guess.
I, too, have Team Green envy. I'd love to have the patience to wait and find out at the birth but it's just....not possible. DH would have gone either way but he's way more laid back than I am.
It's funny how it seems like a lot of couples are opposite personality. Not saying all are, just seems like most. DH is way more the impatient, type A, fast paced, argumentative one and I'm the laid back, cooperative, just roll with it type hah we compliment each other/balance each other out well, but sometimes I wish we could relate to each other a little better. We have enough in common that it works though, we just perceive things and handle things in very different ways.
I just don't know if we could do team green. We haven't really discussed it thus far. I want to know, mostly because I feel like there is so little I know about this tiny important person, and I would like to know as much as I can. So I think we will probably find out!
I just read the whole 4 pages lol... first with the schools and parties, it's crazy to me that a school will tell you not to do private invites out of school. That's ridiculous. I get the whole all kids in class or no kids in class for sending invites to school, but to tell parents that it's all or none even with private invites is nuts. I'd tell them to piss off. H and I have large families and I just made the list of eating people for my son's birthday party ( early September bday) just with our immediate families and grandparents we have 29 people. So depending on finances at the time we usually do an outside party at a school, they have a fenced in, free playground with a free to use picnic shelter. Awesome. Unfortunately DD was born in february so her parties are either in the house or expensive bowling/ chuck e cheese... we make up the difference to son. Then I recently started allowing our kids to invite just a couple school friends that they are actually friends with. With family we still end up with around 10 kiddos... plenty. When we get the invites from school we hardly attend because the kids aren't actually friends and it's crazy going to a few birthdays a month.
Team green stuff... we have a boy and girl already so I like the thought of being surprised, but husband wants to know. I don't think I want him knowing and not me for many reasons. But a few weeks ago my nephew guessed I'm going to have a boy, so now I'm anxious to see if he is right lol.
@jab3 my husband and I definitely fit in with the opposites club. Sometimes I also wish we had more in common and by that I mean I wish h would do more things that I want to do. But I'm pretty easy going and try my best to do things with him so that we do things together. My mom would never participate in things my dad did because she despised it. He likes going to bars and shooting pool or throwing darts. They have a dart board and pool table at home so she would get mad that he had to go to the bars to do it. My dad would then lie about what he was doing to avoid being in "trouble". I grew up seeing the missed opportunities my mom had to spend time with my dad. Maybe it wasn't her thing but she could have went to the dart league matches just to root him on. A couple years ago my dad had an affair and my parents worked it out but it's crazy what they became. Mom follows dad everywhere. It's important for opposites to find things they can do together even if it's not their favorite thing. My husband loves fishing and hunting. I will never hunt, but I do fish, on some days I'll throw out my line and on days I don't want to I just go and watch or read or get on this site haha... we both target practice, husband practices for hunting, I do it just because it's fun. He eats all the "leg" parts to chicken wings (I know it's part of the wing, but it looks like a leg) I eat the other part... it's about balance. It sounds like you and your husband make compromises and do things the right way. So many people today throw in the towel because of goofy little differences. I watch and talk to old people that have been married for so long, they tell you it's not easy and I really take their advice and use it.
I love the idea of being team green, but I just couldn't do it. Not so much because I wouldn't like neutral colors (I'm pretty sure if we have a girl my husband will try to veto everything pink and purple anyway), but because I would be just too darn curious to stand it.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Wow kswiger06 your parents sound exactly like mine! Except my dad went nuts having affairs with multiple women and then my mom was done with him, she couldn't trust him anymore. That's a big thing for me; that I can trust DH and can feel good about his loyalty to me.
Wow kswiger06 your parents sound exactly like mine! Except my dad went nuts having affairs with multiple women and then my mom was done with him, she couldn't trust him anymore. That's a big thing for me; that I can trust DH and can feel good about his loyalty to me.
Yes, trust is super important. My mom doesn't trust my dad which is why she's always with him... he owns his own business so she tags along. It's pretty crazy though she caught him with 8 prepaid cell phones to stay in contact with his fling. Most people would have left and never looked back. Because of my parents and their relationship, I'm on high alert and have questioned my husband on a juicy box I found in the car lol... the next time we went to his mom's he said "thanks for getting me in trouble mom" lol I'm not a psycho who checks on him constantly but I do watch for the signs. My parents were like reading a book on what not to do. I knew as a teenager it would eventually happen to them so I think I was the only person not surprised.
Re: Weekly Randoms (7/18)
But im a rule breaker ;-)
I have always thought the all or nothing was for giving invitations at school, no?
But there's always the option of scaling back on a party to allow for more guests.
And to be honest, DS changes friends every other week. One day he's best buds with X, then they aren't friends, then they are. If I had to keep up with who his friends are on a weekly basis, I'd go nuts.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
ETA just to clarify, bc I can see how you'd think I was.
I agree that if the invites are coming to school, everyone should get one. That seems fair since it's so "in your face." I think the schools where I've seen it be an all or nothing thing is to prevent the situation that was referenced earlier - when one student who realizes there was a party over the weekend they weren't invited to. Because whether the invites came out in school or through the mail, that still stings.
In my particular elementary/middle school, each grade level had about 100 kids - divided among 4 "homerooms", but starting at age 7 there was a lot of mixing of groups and moving classrooms for different teachers. So you weren't with the same group of 25 kids all day. You might be with your homeroom group for reading, but move to a different group for math, and a different group for science and so on. So by default, you weren't going to get invited to all 100 birthday parties, nor were you expected to invite everyone to yours.
That definitely resulted in some days where I came home from school crying because I wasn't invited to Ashely's birthday party but [insert my three best friends at the time] were. My parents used it as an opportunity to encourage me to find someone else not invited (and by default there was ALWAYS someone else who wasn't invited) and have them over to play or go to a movie. This created a focus on creating a diversity of friendships and reaching out to someone else who might also be feeling down about not being invited. We also had discussions when I created my own invite list about being compassionate and looking at who was invited and who wasn't to ensuring that if my list happened to include all the girls in my science class but one, maybe I invite her because that is not a situation I would want to be in.
Now if we're talking about a class that is just 20 kids, that's a bit of a different situation and I can see where it would be really hurtful to be the only one left out.
I hope that as parents, we are all able to be compassionate and try and monitor that our children aren't engaging in hurtful or bullying behavior.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
50% off everything and free shipping.
Code is SUMMER50.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I'm trying the Instapot i bought during last week's Amazon Prime Day. Trying to make italian chicken with broccoli. I hope it turns out good.
Watch me get it done, take one look at dinner and get a massive food aversion.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
I need a nap.
Once she is old enough to request play dates with daycare friends I may consider inviting them to a birthday party....but if they aren't close enough to play outside of school/daycare outside of a birthday party I don't plan to invite them to a birthday party either.
How are you feeling?
I am counting down too! I stop one week from tomorrow, same day as the NT scan.
Edit
But today his program director called! And someone in the surgery program dropped out! And they offered DH the spot! Which is basically unheard of..especially to have someone drop out in the city you want.
So yes, sorry for basically posting an AW post, but I needed to share with people who I think could appreciate my relief
With my first pregnancy, DH lost his job 11 days before BFP and I had dropped to part time three weeks before that specifically to be on his insurance--they had added a stipulation that in order for them to cover me, I couldn't be eligible through my own job. Then of course when he lost it we were freaaaking out. Glad to be in a slightly better situation and frame of mind this time around.
I I don't have much to add to the bday debate but will say it has given me a lot of food for thought. 2nd bday in Nov and now I'm wondering if we should do school kids at all.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
@sjackson408 congrats to your H! And girl, you're a badass for doing all this in law school.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
I just don't have the type of personality who can hold off. I need to know, lol. I need to prepare and need to have everything ready for when the baby comes. It has nothing to do with neutral colors either.... DS wore a lot of green, yellow and orange. Love all of those colors! Most of them
were cuter than the blue. As for H, he couldn't be team green either. He's more curious than me!
is there any way you could handle your SO knowing the sex while you wait it out? If it came to that.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
Team green stuff... we have a boy and girl already so I like the thought of being surprised, but husband wants to know. I don't think I want him knowing and not me for many reasons. But a few weeks ago my nephew guessed I'm going to have a boy, so now I'm anxious to see if he is right lol.
@jab3 my husband and I definitely fit in with the opposites club. Sometimes I also wish we had more in common and by that I mean I wish h would do more things that I want to do. But I'm pretty easy going and try my best to do things with him so that we do things together. My mom would never participate in things my dad did because she despised it. He likes going to bars and shooting pool or throwing darts. They have a dart board and pool table at home so she would get mad that he had to go to the bars to do it. My dad would then lie about what he was doing to avoid being in "trouble". I grew up seeing the missed opportunities my mom had to spend time with my dad. Maybe it wasn't her thing but she could have went to the dart league matches just to root him on. A couple years ago my dad had an affair and my parents worked it out but it's crazy what they became. Mom follows dad everywhere. It's important for opposites to find things they can do together even if it's not their favorite thing. My husband loves fishing and hunting. I will never hunt, but I do fish, on some days I'll throw out my line and on days I don't want to I just go and watch or read or get on this site haha... we both target practice, husband practices for hunting, I do it just because it's fun. He eats all the "leg" parts to chicken wings (I know it's part of the wing, but it looks like a leg) I eat the other part... it's about balance. It sounds like you and your husband make compromises and do things the right way. So many people today throw in the towel because of goofy little differences. I watch and talk to old people that have been married for so long, they tell you it's not easy and I really take their advice and use it.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17