I love my DH, but seriously, I could have punched him last night.
My upper back is KILLING me. I've tried getting a couple of massages, bought a heating pad, taking Tylenol.... I'm running out of ideas at this point. Last night, on the way home from church and dinner (read: sitting in uncomfortable places for over 4 hours, on top of working that day) I am in tears from the pain. Again.
I have an OB appointment on Friday (which I moved from earlier in the week, due to his work schedule), and I want to talk to the OB about how to better manage the pain. Maybe a support belt, chiropractor, or any other pain relief meds that are safe for baby. Freaking something.
DH proceeds to be as unsympathetic as humanly possible. He starts talking about his back injury from years ago, and how his back is worse than most. Not much he can do other than manage the pain, and he just sucks it up.
I am freaking livid. All I do is "suck it up" when it comes to this pregnancy. This shit is hard, and I'm doing it for *our* baby which we both agreed to start trying for. This is not just my problem.
He basically said he couldn't listen to me complain when I hadn't really done anything about it. Apparently, waiting to go to the OB makes me lazy.
Sorry for the length - TL;DR My husband told me to "suck it up" on my back pain. Thanks babe.
@mrsl0429 - Telling a pregnant woman to suck it up is NEVER in anyone's best interest!! I'm sorry and I hope your OB can give you some pointers for additional pain relief!
@mrsl0429 my husband is a chronic one-upper. It makes me want to slap him. "I'm sorry your back hurts" or even "is there anything I can do?" would be way better than "well my back hurts so you're probably ok." Sorry he was being so insensitive!
@mrsl0249--I've gotta one-upper too. It is THE WORST while pregnant. I don't care what experience he has had. He has NOT been pregnant. Drives me nuts. We had a come-to-Jesus talk about it (on the way to church. Haha) and it helped for about 48 hours.
@UnwritteN12 I don't blame you at all for not wanting anyone else at the hospital. It such an intimate time for your family, the last thing you need is extra people in the room trying to pass the babies around like hot potatoes minutes after birth.
when my SIL just had her son it was at 2:23am and by 2:30 we were getting picture texts from the in laws. To each their own, but if they think they are going to be in our hospital room 7 minutes after our son is born they are sadly mistaken. That time will be for only DH and I to meet our son together.
Here to rave about DH--he surprised me with my favorite sub, MilkyWay, a coke, and flowers for my birthday just now. He also deep cleaned the kitchen last night. Nothing big, but made me smile. Especially since I will be out of town all weekend and won't see him until Monday evening.
Tonight I am officially Team My Husband is a Dillhole. I'd love to tell him exactly where he can shove his excuses. I'm not sure why it's so hard for him to do things around the house that I need help with. Or why he waits until the last second before I get home to do these things. If only he weren't working tonight, I would tell him where he could shove his stupid man-scuses!!! He can just bite me.
Me too, @UnwritteN12 ! I came downstairs after putting LO to bed (which took an hour) and cleaning up the kitchen from dinner (20 min) to find him watching the walking dead--which i *thought* we were watching together. Turns out he watched an episode over his lunch hour AND had the gall to tell me "he waited forever" for me this evening, to which I wish I had responded that it he would have had to wait less long if he had bothered to help. Instead, I went to bed early. I feel kind of dumb for being as upset as I am--but it's not so much the show as the lack of consideration. Frustrating. Hope your DH and mine shape up tomorrow.
Me too, @UnwritteN12 ! I came downstairs after putting LO to bed (which took an hour) and cleaning up the kitchen from dinner (20 min) to find him watching the walking dead--which i *thought* we were watching together. Turns out he watched an episode over his lunch hour AND had the gall to tell me "he waited forever" for me this evening, to which I wish I had responded that it he would have had to wait less long if he had bothered to help. Instead, I went to bed early. I feel kind of dumb for being as upset as I am--but it's not so much the show as the lack of consideration. Frustrating. Hope your DH and mine shape up tomorrow.
@Sporty1216UGH my DH is so bad for doing this. We find a show on Netflix that we want to watch together, and agree not to watch it when the other ones not there. He is ALWAYS the one to stray first, watches it on breaks at work or when I'm not home. At first he would rewatch it with me and pretend it was the first time he saw it (he's a terrible liar). But gradually it changed to "Oh I watched that on my break... you go ahead and watch it and I'll watch the next one with you". Now he just complains that he's already seen it and can we skip to then next episode? No, dillweed, because I haven't seen this one yet. The latest show is the Daredevil series on Netflix. I ended up quitting watching it because he would never wait for me, and then complains that I never watch it with him anymore. Gee, I wonder why...
The smallest thing but made me so happy!! I commented to DH that it's getting hard for me to pick up the dog food dishes off the floor in the morning to feed them. Well this morning both dishes were on top of the dog kennels where I could easily reach them!!
@AmMCC12 - that is so sweet! I've been taking to trying to carefully aim and then pour the food into the dog bowl on the floor while standing upright. Only about 50% of it makes it into the bowl, but thankfully, Fred doesn't mind eating off the floor
If you put something in the oven please remember to take it out. It was a few minutes after I turned on the broiler to heat that I smelled an awful smell, and opened the oven to find a loaf of garlic bread, from LAST FRIDAY! C'mon man!
So DH is usually awesome. He helps around the house with whatever needs doing, makes me feel loved and special everyday and is just really sweet. Today, I made fish and veggies for dinner. I asked DH to make sticky rice as a side. Instead he made basmati rice. Normally not a big deal but I'm CRAVING sticky rice. Also, we work full time and have dinner plans tomorrow and Friday which means I won't get sticky rice till Saturday at the earliest. It's normally such a small thing but with pregnancy, it's really bothering me
Me: 30 | DH: 32 Together since 2008 | Married 2012 TTC #1 October 2014 BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014 BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014 BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015 BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
DH can be very blunt and honest sometimes, he means well but....
I wanted to go to lunch with BIL and his GF, So I had DH ask them. We did NOT invite his sister. In the 3 years I have known her she ALWAYS changes the day, time, place of every meeting and it always becomes sooo complicated. With BIL we said hey you want to go to lunch monday at 1 at x and he agreed.
Fast forward to today... I guess SIL talked to BIL and invited herself, which is fine since she didn't get the chance to change the date or time. but when she asked DH why he didn't invite her he told her the truth. That she made things complicated and it was easier without inviting her. Needless to say that her feelings were hurt and of course she think its all me. So lunch was a bit awkward.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
I have a good thing to contribute! Despite the in-laws being outlandishly crazy this weekend DH was great at sticking up for me, himself and what was right. It's not easy to stand up to parents (especially these bulldozer ones of his) but he did a fantastic job and made me proud to call him my husband.
DH is really ticking me off lately.... He does whatever he wants when he wants and I've got the responsibility for our son. He doesn't do daycare pickup even though he is off work before me. He goes by the seat of his pants with his (childless) buddies. Which I no longer have the ability to do. I will sometimes give him a call and he is with so and so at someone house hanging out having a beer on a Friday night. While I am on my way to pick up our son from daycare. So flipping annoying! What bothers me the most is I can't just go and do whatever I want anymore. grrrrrr!!! Happy Friday!
@luv4LO I totally get this, our entire relationship for 6 years has been this way. I worked my butt off at full time jobs that I hated to try to give us the money to do the things WE as in plural wanted to do while he worked little part time jobs & coasted around in college. Somehow our money always went to his gym, his equipment, his out of town powerlifting & strongman competitions, his everything. I'm the responsible one. I have to take care of our daughter, the cleaning, the cooking, the errands & paying bills and up until recently still working a full time job while he did whatever he wanted. I know of times I've checked the bank account just to make sure something else came out correctly and have seen where he's gotten off work early and gone to the movies without me while I've still had to finish out my work day, drive to pick up our daughter, go home clean house & cook dinner. After 6 years though I'm just tired of fighting him on it. I have no advice for you but I'm sorry your husband seems to be walking all over you like mine does me.
So, DH has been doing his best lately, but he's never home! He works a case-by-case sort of job and they know he's taking off at least 2 weeks in September, so his boss has been piling the work on for him to get his current cases closed early (even though someone else could totally finish them- and his coworkers would be eager too since most of the hard work's done). It's to the point where if I see him for more than 20 minutes awake twice a week it's a good week- and I go to bed around 10:30pm and wake up around 6am! Meanwhile, we need a new roof on our house this summer (it seriously cannot wait), the nursery isn't done, I'm rushing to finish my courses this summer, and we're both constantly exhausted!
This morning I asked if there was an end in sight for this schedule, and he said "not until the baby comes."
I guess it's time to call in the family reinforcements. I just really wanted to experience all this first-timey stuff with him, and I wish he was a little more sympathetic to my side of this!
Rant: My husband leaves the toilet seat up. Every. Single. Time. This results in not only DD falling into the toilet (she doesn't recognize that she needs to put it down!) and crying (it's a hilarious but sad scene to come across), but also me falling in during half my middle of the night, stumbly, no lights on pees. Even worse, today (three times!) when I got to the toilet, I tinkled myself a little when I had to use the extra 5 seconds to put it down. It's driving me nuts!
Rave: Almost everything else about him.He made poached salmon with sides of a steamed fresh broccoli, asparagus and carrots mix and sliced tomato & fresh mozzarella salad for dinner. He cooks 95% of our family's meals and does almost all the grocery shopping. And he's a great dad and partner.
When not pregnant, the toilet thing is a small concession that I've given up on. Pregnant, it's making me so sad
@abberson Ugh that's the worst!! DH used to be super bad for that when we first started living together, but we worked out a compromise. When I'm finished with the toilet, I flip the seat up, when he's finished he puts it down. So far it's worked out great. He also always checks that the toilet seat is down before he goes to bed, since he NEVER gets up to pee in the middle of the night and I get up at least twice nowadays.
Thank you for the sympathy @yellowrose314 ! I talked with DH, and he'll be more contentiousness for a few days, but then he'll forget again. I like your solution, though! I'd propose that, but poor 3yo might fall in even more often. It's pretty small potatoes to get upset about, I think it was just the frequency yesterday. Plus he was on a work trip for a week, I didn't realize how luxurious not touching the toilet seat would be, ha! It's just so icky. Ah well, will just stock up on liners.
Reviving this for a mini-husband rant. He really doesn't deserve for me to complain about him, but I just don't think that men really understand sometimes.
Husband grew up a Michigan fan (in Connecticut). His cousin currently goes to Ohio State, and his dad and uncle are going to an Ohio/Michigan football game this fall. Husband has been contemplating whether or not he was going to go and texted me today to say that he just doesn't think he can go. ... He says it's been a lifelong dream, but he'll go another time, yada yada yada.
I think he wants me to be really impressed or thank him for his huge sacrifice?? I said that the money to fly there (from Maine.. probably $600 or so) and the timing was just not feasible, he agreed because work will be busy at that time. How about how busy I will be with 2 kiddos under 2, and just transitioning back to work (the game is in November). I've been trying to be cool with him going on huge hikes, golfing, Red Sox games, etc - but the 10 month sacrifice leading up to having a baby is no walk in the park either. I miss being super physically active, I miss having zero responsibility (I feel like I am more often home with the 1.5 year old so he can be on adventures), and to be honest - I miss my body. I am happy with my pregnant self, but not in the way I feel when I'm rigorously exercising and seeing my hard work in weight loss, increased strength and endurance, etc. I'm trying to let him let loose a bit and enjoy the summer, and I am enjoying the summer in my own small ways but just feeling a little trapped today.
@AnnaS930 - I wish I had something super awesome, comforting and insightful to say, but instead I'll just say that I hear you, and I totally feel you. Pregnancy is no walk in the park, and it's really not fair or okay when a partner acts like his relatively small sacrifice (in my opinion) of missing out on X event is praise worthy when we are literally giving our bodies to create and sustain someone else for 9 months. I don't know about you, but no one is sending me praises for that. I'm so sorry you're feeling trapped.
@PoodleDoodleOoo - Thank you. I'm so grateful to be pregnant, just having a bit of a "woe is me" moment, but I am coming out of it. I am happy that he isn't going to the football game, I just wish he didn't think it required a standing ovation for such a selfless decision
Just opened the pressure cooker that's been sitting on the stove since LAST SATURDAY and there's a half a servicing of leftover pot roast in there! Here I was thinking DH was so great for having cooked a meal, it didn't even cross my mind that he didn't bother to clean the pot. Who does that? And who walks past what you know is a dirty pot for a week? Thank goodness it was a pressure cooker with an air tight lid to contain the nasty. Out on the porch it goes. I am NOT dealing with that one. Nope!
This is both a complaint and a "Wow, you're awesome" moment.
DH and I had a 3.5 hour drive yesterday and to pass the time I read
outloud to him from "The View From The Cheap Seats" a collection of non-fiction by Neil Gaiman. DH isn't a huge
book reader, and at first I thought he was just humoring me but kept
laughing and making "interested" noises and we actually had
conversations about the bits I'd read after I finished. Really really good conversations where he shared his opinion and everything. Color me
surprised! <----- The "Wow, you're awesome" bit.
The complaint ------> DH is like a deep well with no bucket. Basically it's nearly
impossible to access the deep sides of him safely, without lots and lots
of effort and patience. It's a constant struggle because I'm very talkative and I love deep meaningful conversation and DH is a grunter. He's a stupendous listener but feedback is minimum unless he thinks what he has to say is VERY IMPORTANT. But when we're in the car driving somewhere,
suddenly he's all emotionally open and conversational. It's like magic.
It's like the car is the flipping missing bucket and I have access to all that gooey intellectual and emotional awesomeness.
Then, when we arrive at our destination and get out of the car... bucket gone. Back to grunting and one to two word responses. WHY?!
I dont understand why DH can't just accept my moodiness. Im 8 months pregnant, it's 105 degrees outside, I'm uncomfortable, tired, irritable, hormonal, hungry, and annoyed. Its called the third trimester, cut me some slack.
@Bibliobebe - I once read that many men don't like looking people in the eye when having deep conversations. It's a subconscious thing. My DH is the same as your's. Our best conversations are when we're in the car or on a walk. I think it's because we're not looking at each other. I don't think he even realizes it.
Me: 30 | DH: 32 Together since 2008 | Married 2012 TTC #1 October 2014 BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014 BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014 BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015 BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
@Bibliobebe Um I think you're DH and my DH must be long lost relatives or something. Seriously described my guy to a freaking T. It took YEARS, and a fair few counselling appointments to get DH to actually talk about his feelings with me. He still struggles, and sometimes after arguments when we sit down and talk about it, sometimes it takes him a good 15 minutes just to get out how he's feeling. He once told me it was because his mom actually told him that men shouldn't talk about that stuff, that they needed to be strong to support their wives... FOR SERIOUSLY?! I wanted to throat punch her so hard for ever telling him that. And it's totally something she would say too.
DH went to a first time dad class yesterday. It was about 3 hours long and it was a class of first time dad's and I think he learned a lot. He even got to hold a baby! I am proud of him for going.
BUT..... The guy who ran the class was apparently one of those breast is best and formula is poison people and definitely preached it a bit. DH came home with some matter of fact ideas of how breast feeding should go. While I am very excited to try breast feeding and that is my plan, I know their are many woman who can't or have to supplement. So we had to have a long talk about why we can't be so one sided and it could go either way.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@Bibliobebe I feel you girl! I'm the talkative, outgoing one that loves long and meaningful conversations and DH is like a freaking mute most of the time- getting deep answers is like pulling teeth, and when I do finally extract some true deep thought or feeling it's usually in between him getting defensive and weird. Once in a blue moon, he will be Mr. Talkative- usually about something like work or a friend so I really focus on being in the conversation and letting him talk away. I just wish he would be more open too. He just wasn't raised to express his thoughts or feelings, and he thinks he's stupid so he doesn't even try to have really high level intellectual conversations with me for the most part, even though I know he's smart and totally capable. I get the two word answers and grunting too. So frustrating!
The good- DH has been a saint dealing with my hormonal mood swings. I cry for every and any and no reason all at the same time, and I will be in the moment realizing how ridiculous it is, or how crazy I sound, but can't shut off the tears, and he tries like hell to be comforting and supportive.
That being said, he has been pressuring the ever living shit out of me about wanting to move into my grandma's house in November when our lease is up. My grandma has a 2 bedroom house (3 if you count the little room she uses as an office). I honestly don't want to live with my grandmother- I love her to death, but she doesn't clean her house... like ever. The dog pees on the carpet, and she doesn't even notice it, so it goes uncleaned. Her kitchen is filthy. She's had the same dirty underwear on her bathroom floor behind the toilet for 3 months. She's capable of caring for herself, but she just doesn't do it. So if we moved in with her, we would need to have her house professionally cleaned first, get her to agree to giving up the 2nd bedroom and her office, which means getting rid of (or storing) some of her furniture, we would have to share the kitchen, dining room, living room, and one full bathroom. And she's almost always home. He doesn't realize that it means it wouldn't be just us anymore, it would be us and her- every day, morning noon and night. He wants to finish her basement and make it our own living room and spare room area so we have a place to retreat to, which is great in theory. My grandmother tends to offer things without being 100% on backing up her offer. She offered to rent us her house and she would move out- now that would be the ideal situation, but she doesn't really want to leave it, and I don't feel right pressuring her at all. Plus, my aunt is bent out of shape because she and my uncle offered to buy the house years ago, and my grandmother turned them down, so naturally she feels crappy about it being just offered up now (or supposedly offered up). Now DH is insisting that I talk to my aunt, talk to my grandma, and force an actual decision or answer. I would rather move a little farther north and stay on our own versus moving in with my grandmother, honestly. It's enough to transition from just us to us plus baby. To have to add in my grandmother too would be really tough. Yes, we would save money most likely, but at the same time is the $$ worth it? And he's like a dog with a bone- will NOT let it go *sigh*
Complaint: Other than my mom, my boss, and DH obviously, I hadn't planned on sharing the news that I was diagnosed with GD. Honestly I don't feel it's anyone's business but my own. Today was our niece's birthday, and we went down to BIL's for the party. I brought GD friendly snacks and had a healthy breakfast for myself, knowing that the party food was going to be chips, pop, pizza and cake. I ended up having one piece of pizza, but cut most of the crust off to cut down on the carbs, but DH (grumble, grumble) all but shouts "You shouldn't be eating that" and turns to all the adults and says "She has diabetes now, the pregnancy kind"... I almost burst into tears, because immediately, everyone turned to stare at me, and IT WAS ONE SLICE OF PIZZA, WITH NO FRIGGIN CRUST! I just gave him a look, and fortunately one of the other moms said something a long the lines of "She can still eat a slice of pizza, give the girl a break". Thank you, you lovely lovely woman. I wanted to slap DH. I ended up losing it on him when I went to get a small piece of cake and he was like "Don't you think you've had enough sugar?" And I was said "Are you my dietician or nurse? No? Bugger off". He ended up pulling me aside and actually told me I owed him an apology for speaking to him like that. I ignored him for the rest of the day. On the way home I explained that I hadn't intended for everyone to know about my diagnosis, that it was private, and he had no business calling me out in front of everyone when I was doing nothing wrong. He felt pretty bad, and said he didn't think it was something to be ashamed of, so I was like "why the shamefest for what I was eating then?", he said he just gets worried, and feels like he needs more information about what it's all about, and apologized profusely for making me feel bad. So he's coming to my next appointment at with the diabetic nurse. Compliment: When we got home, he helped me put up the wall decals I've been wanting to use for the baby's area in our bedroom, and even surprised me with some beautiful shelving for extra storage by the change table
@yellowrose314 oh no oh no. Other that my immediate family and my one friend no one knows I have GD and I would be soo mad if FI called me out in front of people. or called me out in general lol
Did he make the shelves? That's such a sweet surprise! (Even if he bought them it's still nice)
@yellowrose314 - Yikes! I'd be seriously pissed too. I'm glad he came around though. Knowledge is definitely key.
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, DH came to my education classes as well as my doctor appointments with me so that he was in the loop. It's made a world of difference because he has heard it straight from the dieticians and doctors and been able to ask questions. It's important too because, if there was ever some kind of emergency, he knows exactly what to do for me.
I'm super glad your DH will be going to your next appointment with you and urge him to write down any questions he may have for the nurse!
@Megan324 He did make them! He's a pretty handy guy. And he managed to even find some small baskets to store creams and wipes in that I was wanting to find. He got some brownie points. And he apologized again this morning.
Re: Significant Others: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!
My upper back is KILLING me. I've tried getting a couple of massages, bought a heating pad, taking Tylenol.... I'm running out of ideas at this point. Last night, on the way home from church and dinner (read: sitting in uncomfortable places for over 4 hours, on top of working that day) I am in tears from the pain. Again.
I have an OB appointment on Friday (which I moved from earlier in the week, due to his work schedule), and I want to talk to the OB about how to better manage the pain. Maybe a support belt, chiropractor, or any other pain relief meds that are safe for baby. Freaking something.
DH proceeds to be as unsympathetic as humanly possible. He starts talking about his back injury from years ago, and how his back is worse than most. Not much he can do other than manage the pain, and he just sucks it up.
I am freaking livid. All I do is "suck it up" when it comes to this pregnancy. This shit is hard, and I'm doing it for *our* baby which we both agreed to start trying for. This is not just my problem.
He basically said he couldn't listen to me complain when I hadn't really done anything about it. Apparently, waiting to go to the OB makes me lazy.
Sorry for the length - TL;DR My husband told me to "suck it up" on my back pain. Thanks babe.
when my SIL just had her son it was at 2:23am and by 2:30 we were getting picture texts from the in laws. To each their own, but if they think they are going to be in our hospital room 7 minutes after our son is born they are sadly mistaken. That time will be for only DH and I to meet our son together.
DS1 -- 9/30/2016
If you put something in the oven please remember to take it out. It was a few minutes after I turned on the broiler to heat that I smelled an awful smell, and opened the oven to find a loaf of garlic bread, from LAST FRIDAY! C'mon man!
Me: 30 | DH: 32
Together since 2008 | Married 2012
TTC #1 October 2014
BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014
BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014
BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015
BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
I wanted to go to lunch with BIL and his GF, So I had DH ask them. We did NOT invite his sister. In the 3 years I have known her she ALWAYS changes the day, time, place of every meeting and it always becomes sooo complicated. With BIL we said hey you want to go to lunch monday at 1 at x and he agreed.
Fast forward to today... I guess SIL talked to BIL and invited herself, which is fine since she didn't get the chance to change the date or time. but when she asked DH why he didn't invite her he told her the truth. That she made things complicated and it was easier without inviting her. Needless to say that her feelings were hurt and of course she think its all me. So lunch was a bit awkward.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
This morning I asked if there was an end in sight for this schedule, and he said "not until the baby comes."
I guess it's time to call in the family reinforcements. I just really wanted to experience all this first-timey stuff with him, and I wish he was a little more sympathetic to my side of this!
Rave: Almost everything else about him
When not pregnant, the toilet thing is a small concession that I've given up on. Pregnant, it's making me so sad
Husband grew up a Michigan fan (in Connecticut). His cousin currently goes to Ohio State, and his dad and uncle are going to an Ohio/Michigan football game this fall. Husband has been contemplating whether or not he was going to go and texted me today to say that he just doesn't think he can go. ... He says it's been a lifelong dream, but he'll go another time, yada yada yada.
I think he wants me to be really impressed or thank him for his huge sacrifice?? I said that the money to fly there (from Maine.. probably $600 or so) and the timing was just not feasible, he agreed because work will be busy at that time. How about how busy I will be with 2 kiddos under 2, and just transitioning back to work (the game is in November). I've been trying to be cool with him going on huge hikes, golfing, Red Sox games, etc - but the 10 month sacrifice leading up to having a baby is no walk in the park either. I miss being super physically active, I miss having zero responsibility (I feel like I am more often home with the 1.5 year old so he can be on adventures), and to be honest - I miss my body. I am happy with my pregnant self, but not in the way I feel when I'm rigorously exercising and seeing my hard work in weight loss, increased strength and endurance, etc. I'm trying to let him let loose a bit and enjoy the summer, and I am enjoying the summer in my own small ways but just feeling a little trapped today.
Blah.
DH and I had a 3.5 hour drive yesterday and to pass the time I read outloud to him from "The View From The Cheap Seats" a collection of non-fiction by Neil Gaiman. DH isn't a huge book reader, and at first I thought he was just humoring me but kept laughing and making "interested" noises and we actually had conversations about the bits I'd read after I finished. Really really good conversations where he shared his opinion and everything. Color me surprised! <----- The "Wow, you're awesome" bit.
The complaint ------> DH is like a deep well with no bucket. Basically it's nearly impossible to access the deep sides of him safely, without lots and lots of effort and patience. It's a constant struggle because I'm very talkative and I love deep meaningful conversation and DH is a grunter. He's a stupendous listener but feedback is minimum unless he thinks what he has to say is VERY IMPORTANT. But when we're in the car driving somewhere, suddenly he's all emotionally open and conversational. It's like magic. It's like the car is the flipping missing bucket and I have access to all that gooey intellectual and emotional awesomeness.
Then, when we arrive at our destination and get out of the car... bucket gone. Back to grunting and one to two word responses. WHY?!
Me: 30 | DH: 32
Together since 2008 | Married 2012
TTC #1 October 2014
BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014
BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014
BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015
BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016
BUT..... The guy who ran the class was apparently one of those breast is best and formula is poison people and definitely preached it a bit. DH came home with some matter of fact ideas of how breast feeding should go. While I am very excited to try breast feeding and that is my plan, I know their are many woman who can't or have to supplement. So we had to have a long talk about why we can't be so one sided and it could go either way.
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
The good- DH has been a saint dealing with my hormonal mood swings. I cry for every and any and no reason all at the same time, and I will be in the moment realizing how ridiculous it is, or how crazy I sound, but can't shut off the tears, and he tries like hell to be comforting and supportive.
That being said, he has been pressuring the ever living shit out of me about wanting to move into my grandma's house in November when our lease is up. My grandma has a 2 bedroom house (3 if you count the little room she uses as an office). I honestly don't want to live with my grandmother- I love her to death, but she doesn't clean her house... like ever. The dog pees on the carpet, and she doesn't even notice it, so it goes uncleaned. Her kitchen is filthy. She's had the same dirty underwear on her bathroom floor behind the toilet for 3 months. She's capable of caring for herself, but she just doesn't do it. So if we moved in with her, we would need to have her house professionally cleaned first, get her to agree to giving up the 2nd bedroom and her office, which means getting rid of (or storing) some of her furniture, we would have to share the kitchen, dining room, living room, and one full bathroom. And she's almost always home. He doesn't realize that it means it wouldn't be just us anymore, it would be us and her- every day, morning noon and night. He wants to finish her basement and make it our own living room and spare room area so we have a place to retreat to, which is great in theory. My grandmother tends to offer things without being 100% on backing up her offer. She offered to rent us her house and she would move out- now that would be the ideal situation, but she doesn't really want to leave it, and I don't feel right pressuring her at all. Plus, my aunt is bent out of shape because she and my uncle offered to buy the house years ago, and my grandmother turned them down, so naturally she feels crappy about it being just offered up now (or supposedly offered up). Now DH is insisting that I talk to my aunt, talk to my grandma, and force an actual decision or answer. I would rather move a little farther north and stay on our own versus moving in with my grandmother, honestly. It's enough to transition from just us to us plus baby. To have to add in my grandmother too would be really tough. Yes, we would save money most likely, but at the same time is the $$ worth it? And he's like a dog with a bone- will NOT let it go *sigh*
Other than my mom, my boss, and DH obviously, I hadn't planned on sharing the news that I was diagnosed with GD. Honestly I don't feel it's anyone's business but my own. Today was our niece's birthday, and we went down to BIL's for the party. I brought GD friendly snacks and had a healthy breakfast for myself, knowing that the party food was going to be chips, pop, pizza and cake. I ended up having one piece of pizza, but cut most of the crust off to cut down on the carbs, but DH (grumble, grumble) all but shouts "You shouldn't be eating that" and turns to all the adults and says "She has diabetes now, the pregnancy kind"... I almost burst into tears, because immediately, everyone turned to stare at me, and IT WAS ONE SLICE OF PIZZA, WITH NO FRIGGIN CRUST! I just gave him a look, and fortunately one of the other moms said something a long the lines of "She can still eat a slice of pizza, give the girl a break". Thank you, you lovely lovely woman. I wanted to slap DH. I ended up losing it on him when I went to get a small piece of cake and he was like "Don't you think you've had enough sugar?" And I was said "Are you my dietician or nurse? No? Bugger off". He ended up pulling me aside and actually told me I owed him an apology for speaking to him like that. I ignored him for the rest of the day. On the way home I explained that I hadn't intended for everyone to know about my diagnosis, that it was private, and he had no business calling me out in front of everyone when I was doing nothing wrong. He felt pretty bad, and said he didn't think it was something to be ashamed of, so I was like "why the shamefest for what I was eating then?", he said he just gets worried, and feels like he needs more information about what it's all about, and apologized profusely for making me feel bad. So he's coming to my next appointment at with the diabetic nurse.
Compliment:
When we got home, he helped me put up the wall decals I've been wanting to use for the baby's area in our bedroom, and even surprised me with some beautiful shelving for extra storage by the change table
or called me out in general lol
Did he make the shelves? That's such a sweet surprise!
(Even if he bought them it's still nice)
When I was diagnosed with diabetes, DH came to my education classes as well as my doctor appointments with me so that he was in the loop. It's made a world of difference because he has heard it straight from the dieticians and doctors and been able to ask questions. It's important too because, if there was ever some kind of emergency, he knows exactly what to do for me.
I'm super glad your DH will be going to your next appointment with you and urge him to write down any questions he may have for the nurse!