September 2016 Moms

Significant Others: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!

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Re: Significant Others: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!

  • @yellowrose314 guys can be so dense some times!! Glad he has seen the error of his ways. 
    Me: 32 DH: 31
    TTC #2 since January 2018
    Baby #1 DD  Born 8/25/2016
    BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18

     

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  • @yellowrose314 Sorry. I would have been really upset, too. I'm not keeping my GD secret, mainly because letting people know I'm on a carb restriction helps keep me on track with it. However, I wouldn't be down for DH announcing it to everyone. And I'd be even more angry if he was telling me how and what to eat. I'm sure your one piece of pizza with the crust cut off was well within carb limits. And as for cake, with my first my OB told me to still eat cake at my baby shower. A once in a while indulgence isn't going to hurt anything. I think it will be good for him to go to the appt with you and get more info, and it's great that he wants to. Also, the help with the decals and shelves was very sweet. :smile:






  • @AnnaS930 I have to give your DH credit for a spectacular come back from what could have been a really bad faux pax. Also, DH was reading over my shoulder (because he's nosey) and says "Bravo sir, bravo", and told me to include this gif

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  • @yellowrose314 - he's so lucky he caught me in a good mood. I'm glad your husband approved, it was a really sweet thing to say to cover up a terrible one!
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  • Complaint - my hubs attitude in general the last week or so. I get, he works, he's busy, he's apply for med school, we have a lot going on. 

    But damn dude. I'm gained 30lbs, I can't have a drink, it's a million degrees outside, and we need to move in the next six weeks (right in time for my due date). Did I mention I'm driving 4 hours to his hometown WITHOUT HIM (a friend is going with me) to a baby shower hosted by his selfish mother, who refused to reschedule, even though she knew there was a strong chance he wouldn't be able to go?

    We all have stuff to worry about. I know I should be more patient, but I just do not have it in me to put up with his attitude, especially after working all day, then making dinner. 
  • @UnwritteN12 What a sweet sweet thing!
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  • @UnwritteN12 that is so sweet, it mighta made me tear up some! 
  • @UnwritteN12 So sweet! I definitely teared up reading that.






  • @UnwritteN12 but did you get your ring though? Hahahaha
  • RG1RG1 member
    @UnwritteN12 Awe adorable! Points for hubby!
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  • @UnwritteN12 that is so sweet of your DH! Love the charms :)
  • My husband has been awesome today. Most days he is pretty good but today he took care of DD and let me sleep in, made breakfast and lunch, also went to the store to pick up ice cream! 
  • @MrsVoorhees - lol! That was the cheapie purchase. I can't wait to be able to wear my actual wedding ring again!
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  • Ok, this is kind of in the sphere of this thread, and I felt weird about making a new discussion about it (no idea why), but I need sex advice...

    Besides about a month long period where I wanted it all the time, my sex drive has been zilch the entire pregnancy. 1st tri I was doing my final RN clinical, which is stressful + nausea just made it not a possibility. For the last 2 months, I have had zero sex drive. No interest whatsoever, no interest in having solo sexy time. I am just so sore and uncomfortable 99% of the time, and so tired. I'm lucky if I get to read a page before bed, because I'm out like a light.
    DH has a very high sex drive; if he had it his way, every night we'd be doing it. So needless to say, he's feeling more than a little deprived.I have no energy or want to even help him out via foreplay type stuff, even if I don't get anything in return. I feel horrible, and I've been trying to be affectionate in other ways but I can tell he's feeling deprived. Not to mention the one or two times we have had sex in the last couple of months, I've been so incredibly sore after, and not in a good way. I feel really bad today because it's his birthday, and for the 7 years we've been together I always do something sexy or surprise him with something of that type on his birthday. But this year I straight up had to be like sorry, not going to happen, unless you're comfortable with the knowledge that while I would consent, I would not enjoy it at all; he said that's not what he wants at all. So we're at an impasse. 
    I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for, maybe just reassurance that this is normal; I wish I could have the drive to want to the entire pregnancy, but maybe that's not realistic. I just feel horribly guilty that I'm not meeting his needs, he's feeling deprived. I in no way feel that he would stray because of this, that's not a worry for me. I just feel like a jerk for not meeting his needs and feeling kind of selfish for shutting him down all the time. 
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  • @yellowrose314 - At least it sounds like he's not being a jerk about it. I've known men that are complete asses when their wives turn them down, no matter the reason.

    TBH, I spent more than half if this pregnancy waiting for my sex drive to turn up. My first pregnancy I wanted it all the time until I was told that I was no longer allowed due to bed rest. I finally realized a month or two ago that that was not going to happen this pregnancy. I think DH and I have had sex maybe 3 or 4 times max. And, while I feel bad to an extent, I have to remind myself that DH would hate for me to feel like I have to put out, especially when I'm feeling completely craptastic.

    I know it's hard not to, especially when you want to do everything you can to meet your DH's needs, but don't feel like a jerk. You've got the toughest job of the two of you right now....growing a little human!
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  • RG1RG1 member
    @yellowrose314 This sounds like me to a tee right now. About the start of the second tri, I had a good couple weeks where I wanted sex, but basically zero sex drive otherwise. I have tried solo and it feels like absolutely nothing. I figure if I can't even make it feel good on my own when I'm not worried about positioning, him feeling good, etc., then I can't enjoy it together. I also feel guilty and have tried to please him in other ways, and I got so out of breath (LOL) and the feeling of my stomach hanging down while I did that......it was physically exhausting and so unenjoyable. I guess I just want to reassure you that I suppose it could be normal since we are going through the same thing! 
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  • @yellowrose314 You and I could pretty much trade places right now. Your DH sounds like mine too. Crazy high drive and I'm over here like....eh. I rarely regret doing it but sometimes it does feel like I'm mustering up the will to engage. I completely empathize with feeling a bit selfish, I'm right there with you! It's been like this the entire pregnancy unfortunately but I do try to give myself a chance to get in the mood. No, it's not about forcing oneself to do it but giving oneself time to see if it's something that could be enjoyable once getting started if that makes sense. I feel like if I never tried, I just wouldn't do it. But then we get started and it's not too bad lol. Is there another way you can help him feel less deprived? Not necessarily sexual but something you can do to show him he's special? I also think telling him how you're feeling would help. That way he doesn't think it's him but it's just something you're going through right now and that you're not especially happy about it. 
  •  I'm totally with all of you ladies. I have no interest in sexy time. I'm grateful that my DH doesn't push it at all...especially since my pelvis always feels like it's cracking in half. 

    Maybe it's payback for the copious amount of sex we had trying to conceive this baby.
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  • Shiva14Shiva14 member
    edited July 2016
    @yellowrose314 I'm there with you, it's just not enjoyable. My DH has been through this before so he knows the drill. It WILL come back, I promise! But, if you plan on breastfeeding, be prepared that it could take until you wean before you fully feel like yourself (plusalso sleep exhaustion and time). I feel like genetically our bodies are saying "no thanks, we already did that and were successful so there's 0 point in doing this now" lol. Hang in there!

    ETA on the bright side your DH might get some when you are close to your due date and desperate enough to push through it in hopes of going into labor  :D. I know, super romantic. 
  • yellowrose314 DH and I both have always had a high sex drive, obviously pregnancy hasn't been quite what he is used to. I would just like to add besides that it is completely normal (especially this late in the game)  that men (should) be totally OK will the DIY route at this point. While they may have 'needs' they have known for a very long time how to take care of themselves. DH and I talk about it a lot and he knows that I want to in spirit but it just doesn't work out that way. 
    Me: 32 DH: 31
    TTC #2 since January 2018
    Baby #1 DD  Born 8/25/2016
    BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18

     

  • @yellowrose314 - Just chiming in with the handful of others to say I'm with you. Have had nearly zero drive (though solo has been alright when the mood strikes) and have only had sex a handful of times since my positive result.  I'm sure my husband feels a bit deprived but he isn't complaining so we just don't make a big thing of it.  Your drive will come back, and you're not being selfish... carrying a baby is certainly not selfish at all, and enduring so many changes to your body and fatigue. Lighten up on yourself, he'll have plenty of other birthdays while you aren't knocked up!
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  • I have to say ugly wise, that my DH has never really done anything specifically for me. When we spend time together watching a movie or playing a game or just being in the same room together, we both love it. But he feels like that is honestly enough and then acts as if I am "too hard to please" for wanting little more. I am not materialistic at all but the only time he's ever even gotten me anything was valentines day of this year and to be honest, it was more because he was in the dog house prior. I just want little more effort, is that too much to ask? 
  • Oh man @bibliobebe that's totally me. I just have been so randomly ragey lately and my poor DH is like a deer in the headlights. I've found it best if I just say "I'm super upset right now but not at you" it really helps him although I'm sure he thinks I've gone crazy. Yesterday it was because that I got soap on a clean shirt I had just put on right before we had to leave.
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  • humlilly said:
    So this is a Good & a Bad.... Yesterday my fiance had a friend from work over to help do some construction on the house. Of course that turned into them working until 7, having a couple beers and finishing up the work around 10. I'm pregnant and just generally grumpy, so I went to bed at about 8 pm.

    I'm sleeping (comfortably for once) until I wake up to the sound of a freaking shop vacuum. At 11pm. I put on some (super) stretchy pants and waddle out to the living room and there is my sweet love vacuuming away like he's going to get such brownie points in the morning when I wake up to a clean floor. ummmm thanks, but no. just no. 

    I say (yell) his name and he shuts off the vacuum and asks "did I wake you up?" I say nothing and watch the look of horror overcome his friend's face. Fiance realizes what a dumb question that is and quickly says "oh no, I woke you up I'm sorry" (or something along those lines...) I kinda blacked out as I imagined cutting off his dangly bits. Anyway.... I stormed back into the bedroom and proceeded to build my pillow fortress back up and spend the next hour listening to the "stuff you should know" podcast as I attempted to fall back asleep. 

    I guess the moral of my story is that cleanliness definitely does not rank higher on my pregnancy priorities than precious, precious sleep. 
    Serioulsy LoLing at that! Kudos to him for trying. But sleep is definitely a priority!
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  • ashtasht member
    Ok, this is kind of in the sphere of this thread, and I felt weird about making a new discussion about it (no idea why), but I need sex advice...

    Besides about a month long period where I wanted it all the time, my sex drive has been zilch the entire pregnancy. 1st tri I was doing my final RN clinical, which is stressful + nausea just made it not a possibility. For the last 2 months, I have had zero sex drive. No interest whatsoever, no interest in having solo sexy time. I am just so sore and uncomfortable 99% of the time, and so tired. I'm lucky if I get to read a page before bed, because I'm out like a light.
    DH has a very high sex drive; if he had it his way, every night we'd be doing it. So needless to say, he's feeling more than a little deprived.I have no energy or want to even help him out via foreplay type stuff, even if I don't get anything in return. I feel horrible, and I've been trying to be affectionate in other ways but I can tell he's feeling deprived. Not to mention the one or two times we have had sex in the last couple of months, I've been so incredibly sore after, and not in a good way. I feel really bad today because it's his birthday, and for the 7 years we've been together I always do something sexy or surprise him with something of that type on his birthday. But this year I straight up had to be like sorry, not going to happen, unless you're comfortable with the knowledge that while I would consent, I would not enjoy it at all; he said that's not what he wants at all. So we're at an impasse. 
    I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for, maybe just reassurance that this is normal; I wish I could have the drive to want to the entire pregnancy, but maybe that's not realistic. I just feel horribly guilty that I'm not meeting his needs, he's feeling deprived. I in no way feel that he would stray because of this, that's not a worry for me. I just feel like a jerk for not meeting his needs and feeling kind of selfish for shutting him down all the time. 
    It's more normal to have no drive then it is to have an increase. He has options if he really needs relief. I honestly wouldn't feel to bad and he should attempt to understand give all that your body has going on in this process.
  • @jensou I'll help you bury the body. Just say the world girl. 
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