I was at the library last week with my FI and they were having a book sale, I found "Love you forever" which is just such a beautiful children's book. I opened it up to tell him about it and just give him an overview of the story and I just started crying when I got to the end. I couldn't even get the words out and he had to read it then was sitting there cracking up at me. Then I was half crying/half laughing at myself and looking like a lunatic in the middle of the damn library! lol
This was me last week, went to the baby store with my husband, saw the Runaway Bunny, tried to explain it to him and just started tearing up. Even thinking about it now I'm crying.
I cried last night watching a Fixer Upper episode where Joanna surprises Chip for his 40th birthday. then i was crying because I was crying and felt silly.
*cries* so my husband played baseball tonight and I really didn't want to go but hubby and his friend needed a ride, so fine I went, but I asked him to consider me after the game when they hang out having a few beers, cause I haven't slept in 3 days and my uterus feels like it's stretching into a blimp so I'm sore. Ya he forgot as I sat in the car after his game for 40 minutes while he drank and joked with his friends (I was too sore standing). Finally I told him I was going home, so he hurried up and came with me. Well as soon as he got in the car, he asked if I was mad at him, and I said no (I wasn't) but that I reminded him what I asked him because I'm tired and sore and now I'm going to cry because it's all too much cause I'm so tired. I don't think he saw that coming but I couldn't stop it. Now I'm home in my hot non-ac house, sitting in the buff on my recliner trying to relax before climbing into bed. So. Tired!
at the farmers market the njtransit train goes right by it and there's 900 kids freaking out at the fence watching it. made me realize my baby will be the same way in a couple years which made me realize this is actually happening which made me cry. (also it's taking dh forever to get our pork roll sandwiches for some reason and I'm hungry.)
OMG I would kill for pork roll right now! I miss NJ food so frigging much!!
I haven't seen a recent weekly post for this so sorry if I'm resurrecting a zombie thread... but this baby's "community facebook"... https://www.facebook.com/franciswilliamazize/ the first video about him being a micro preemie like the creator of Finding Dory. Annnnnnnnd now I'm behind in my work and crying at my desk.
Totally cried today while watching I am Legend. Between him having to say goodbye to his wife and daughter and then him having to put his dog out of hwr misery, i couldn't turn off the faucet.
I cried reading a Father's Day card I was buying for my husband last week because I was thinking of how he's going to be such an amazing father to Bean.
I joined the "crying because I don't want to go to work" club today. This is one of my busiest times of year and I'm just so over it. July 15 cannot come fast enough!
Cried because I dropped my husband's lunch off and he thought I was staying to eat with him but I wasn't. I have too much to do at home before I work and I didn't bring any food for me. So I cried on the way home because I felt so bad.
I fixed a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. As i was leaving the kitchen i turned around to turn off the light. Then i dropped my sandwhich into the dog bowl. So then i proceeded to cry while making my new peanut butter sandwich.
Can I revive this and confide about why I'm crying?
Today is is the first day that I have (for lack of better words) regretted being pregnant. I cried because I was so sad that the life SO and I had built together was now never going to be that again. And while it's fun almost every other day, to envision our new lives once the girls are here, I miss our old lives (what made me fall in love in the first place) so much. And then I cried for feeling guilty for feeling this way. We uprooted ourselves and moved an hour away from where we had been living. We both work from home. There is no lovey-dovey cutesy things anymore. Don't get me wrong, we still tell each other we love each other and aren't miserable with each other at all! But I miss our old dogs - who got killed on Christmas Eve right after we moved, I miss our game nights and drinking nights, I miss our crazy passionate sex, I miss our old POS house that all of those memories were made in, I miss being able to be completely care free and feel sexy, independent, and adored. Now, I just feel like a pregnant wife in a new house in a new town with no friends, no exciting nights, no sweet surprises or love notes or date nights, and fear of what this is only going to turn into.
Today was was a really emotional - bad day. I haven't really felt this before. I always miss the honeymoon stage, sure, but I haven't felt regret or fear like this. And on top of it all, I feel like I did it to myself. It would be super cool to know I'm not alone on this (what seems to me) bizarre new feeling that I have stumbled upon. And it would also be nice to hear about how having babies changed your family's life for the better and how wonderful it was. Please do not confuse this with me not being excited for our girls, or in love with them already. I'm just experiencing this and I don't want to lose what made me fall in love and made me want this life in the first place.
Thanks and and sorry for the vent.
ETA: sorry for the random jumble of emotions to paper - type thing.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough day @sjo_thetwins while I don't have a story to tell about how having babies made things so much better bc I'm a FTM too, I have moved before and had to start over with new friendships. I know what it's like to feel a bit alone in that. It'll get better. One thing I've always been told about the way your life changes when you have kids is that yes, it's a completely different life, but it's fulfilling in a way you can't understand until you're there. So the activities you value will change, but the value will still be there. I also think that there's a way to have a social life with kids. For our friends with kids, that means we have game night and a room set up for the LOs to sleep in when t gets late, or babysitters. You'll find what works best for you and your SO. Keep your head up and maybe talk to your SO about wanting to work together to bring back the romance. I'm sure she feels the same and may be keeping it to herself also. ::hugs::
@sjo_thetwins I can't really give you any past experience because I'm a first time mom too, but I'm sorry you're feeling down
I have a lot of friends who's social lives are still full of fun! If they can't get a babysitter, we will go over to their house for dinner and hang out. Even the kids hang out with us and it's totally fine. You'll find some sort of groove even after babies I'm sure!
I hope you feel better soon!!
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@ibabyloveb87 and @bnsmith85 thanks for your kind words. it's just been a completely uprooted fast moving 7 months and 6 of those months we have been pregnant. So maybe it's just catching up to me and how much I miss the care free lifestyle today. It's so nice to be able to vent here. And I told her about how I was feeling, she understood and had some of the same feelings so we went out to dinner and got a little shopping in. Some days I think it's just harder to remember that life rolls on. In good ways, too.
@sjo_thetwins You are not alone at all. I was very, very emotional during my last trimester with my DD. DH and I have been together since we were 17 so it felt like an end of an era. I was so very sad that I would have to share him and I even felt some resentment knowing I wouldn't be the number one girl in his life anymore. It's not abnormal in any way to feel this way and it will come and go, but once you meet your girls and you are able to really feel like a family, you can't imagine it any other way. Do I miss our annual tropical vacations and being able to just come and go as we please like we used to? Yes, of course. But I honestly couldn't imagine life without our daughter now. We love spending sunny afternoons at the park together and while it may not have been the Bahamas, when we took DD to the lake for the first time and saw the joy as she dipped her little toes in the water, it was exactly where we wanted to be. When we bicker, we have more reasons to ground ourselves and remember that we are together for her, but also because we love being this family together. We don't go to movies anymore, but we spend Sunday nights huddled up in our basement watching Game of Thrones while little one plays in her tent. It's honestly all the little things that really just make us happier now that she is here. Don't feel bad about your feelings, though. They are so very normal.
@sjo_thetwins I don't have firsthand advice about how the changes are for the better, but that's what I hear from most parents I know. I definitely can relate to some panic and sadness or...I also hate to say regret but I don't know a better word, feeling kinda shitty about how things are about to change so drastically and permanently....as well as feeling guilty for feeling that way. DH and I lost a few friends when we moved last year right before our loss, took a while to bounce back from that, still haven't made new friends really, turned into homebodies who don't even have sex (barely), etc and even with all the support from him I find pregnancy incredibly isolating at times...as well as just knowing that my identity most likely will change and I won't have my own life anymore but will (gladly) be all about this baby as she grows up. Def understand how you don't want it to sound and I'm sure anyone being honest with themself wouldn't even think of it negatively. Most of the time I just try not to think about it really, but I get that it's hard and I hope you can shake the unsettling feelings and do something nice for yourself this week!
edit: fell asleep before clicking post and just did now before I saw that you got some resolution and self-care in, glad to see it!
Thank you again, ladies. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. I certainly don't want to feel like a bad mom before they are even here!
As FI and i are both feeling Robert kick, i can't help but yo think and say.How is even possible to love someone so much that you haven't even met. Then FI says just wait til he gets here and you hold him and see him for the first time. Yep, hello water works.
DH is having a rough day missing his dad and it just breaks my heart. I wish I could fix it and all I can do is be here for him. Now the tears have started they won't stop
@sjo_thetwins, I saw this post this morning and have been wanting to reply since... even though I'm a day late. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me too. On the one hand, I'm elated about this coming baby...and on the other hand, I have feelings of despair (yes really despair). Fear that my life will never return to normal and life will be a miserable cycle of: laundry, changing diapers, breastfeeding, putting baby to sleep, waking up when baby wakes. I think about how I won't get to sleep in for a long long long time.
I also get myself worked up when I think about how it will affect my relationship with DH. As a matter of fact when I first found out I was pregnant, I made a list of all the things that was going to change. A list of pros and cons. It was a hard first week of pregnancy, trying to deal with that.
I can't give any advice, because I'm going through this the first time around, just like you. But what I have found helps with me, my emotions and my relationship with DH is being aware of all the changes that WILL happen. I talk to DH all the time about how 6-8 weeks of no sex will probably affect us, since sex is a huge part of our lives and how we show ourselves love/affection---and we have little plans in action for how we'll stay connected and intimate despite no sex. We talk all the time about the things that should be prioritized (even if the dishes aren't done, we set an hour of alone time for us without the baby every night). I think KNOWING life is going to be at times shitty and preparing for it, will be better than not knowing. It makes me feel better when DH and I come up with plans on how we are going to make this experience a good one.
And I hear you about being pregnant and so mommy-ish. I feel like that too. Sex isn't the same, I don't feel as hot as I felt pre-pregnancy... I miss drinking with DH, etc etc etc.... but take solace in the fact that we only have just a few more months to go. Were in the homestretch mama, and i'm right here with you.
@annabenanna your reply was very much welcomed! Thank you for sharing! It is hard to think about those things and ONLY be joyous for these bundles of joys... I'm glad I'm not the only human here. and I understand on the sex thing - ours hasn't been at an all time high or anything since getting pregnant for all sorts of reasons. I am sending all of the virtual hugs back!!
Re: Why my pregnant self is crying (7 May)
This was me last week, went to the baby store with my husband, saw the Runaway Bunny, tried to explain it to him and just started tearing up. Even thinking about it now I'm crying.
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
E born 6/2014
So I cried on the way home because I felt so bad.
Today is is the first day that I have (for lack of better words) regretted being pregnant. I cried because I was so sad that the life SO and I had built together was now never going to be that again. And while it's fun almost every other day, to envision our new lives once the girls are here, I miss our old lives (what made me fall in love in the first place) so much. And then I cried for feeling guilty for feeling this way. We uprooted ourselves and moved an hour away from where we had been living. We both work from home. There is no lovey-dovey cutesy things anymore. Don't get me wrong, we still tell each other we love each other and aren't miserable with each other at all! But I miss our old dogs - who got killed on Christmas Eve right after we moved, I miss our game nights and drinking nights, I miss our crazy passionate sex, I miss our old POS house that all of those memories were made in, I miss being able to be completely care free and feel sexy, independent, and adored. Now, I just feel like a pregnant wife in a new house in a new town with no friends, no exciting nights, no sweet surprises or love notes or date nights, and fear of what this is only going to turn into.
Today was was a really emotional - bad day. I haven't really felt this before. I always miss the honeymoon stage, sure, but I haven't felt regret or fear like this. And on top of it all, I feel like I did it to myself. It would be super cool to know I'm not alone on this (what seems to me) bizarre new feeling that I have stumbled upon. And it would also be nice to hear about how having babies changed your family's life for the better and how wonderful it was. Please do not confuse this with me not being excited for our girls, or in love with them already. I'm just experiencing this and I don't want to lose what made me fall in love and made me want this life in the first place.
Thanks and and sorry for the vent.
ETA: sorry for the random jumble of emotions to paper - type thing.
I also think that there's a way to have a social life with kids. For our friends with kids, that means we have game night and a room set up for the LOs to sleep in when t gets late, or babysitters. You'll find what works best for you and your SO.
Keep your head up and maybe talk to your SO about wanting to work together to bring back the romance. I'm sure she feels the same and may be keeping it to herself also. ::hugs::
I have a lot of friends who's social lives are still full of fun! If they can't get a babysitter, we will go over to their house for dinner and hang out. Even the kids hang out with us and it's totally fine. You'll find some sort of groove even after babies I'm sure!
I hope you feel better soon!!
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Don't feel bad about your feelings, though. They are so very normal.
edit: fell asleep before clicking post and just did now before I saw that you got some resolution and self-care in, glad to see it!
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
I also get myself worked up when I think about how it will affect my relationship with DH. As a matter of fact when I first found out I was pregnant, I made a list of all the things that was going to change. A list of pros and cons. It was a hard first week of pregnancy, trying to deal with that.
I can't give any advice, because I'm going through this the first time around, just like you. But what I have found helps with me, my emotions and my relationship with DH is being aware of all the changes that WILL happen. I talk to DH all the time about how 6-8 weeks of no sex will probably affect us, since sex is a huge part of our lives and how we show ourselves love/affection---and we have little plans in action for how we'll stay connected and intimate despite no sex. We talk all the time about the things that should be prioritized (even if the dishes aren't done, we set an hour of alone time for us without the baby every night). I think KNOWING life is going to be at times shitty and preparing for it, will be better than not knowing. It makes me feel better when DH and I come up with plans on how we are going to make this experience a good one.
And I hear you about being pregnant and so mommy-ish. I feel like that too. Sex isn't the same, I don't feel as hot as I felt pre-pregnancy... I miss drinking with DH, etc etc etc.... but take solace in the fact that we only have just a few more months to go. Were in the homestretch mama, and i'm right here with you.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs.