I can't stop crying bc I miss MH and it's only been a day since he had to leave to go take care of family funeral stuff in a Zika-affected area. He's going to be gone at least until the end of the week and I'm having separation anxiety like no other....I usually have a daily nonsense cry and feel much better but this is different, real feels and stuff, ugh
I've been binge watching One Tree Hill since I have so much off time and it's been years since I've seen it. Got to the one where the kid who was bullied brought a gun to school because he was so lost and didn't know how to handle it anymore. I sobbed through the whole 45 minute episode.
Ugh I just cried at Peta and Nyle's dance on DWTS bc Nyle did a silent part which showed what it's like when he dances every week being deaf and it made me have all the feels
Yesterday it was the Tim McGraw song Meanwhile Back at Mama's. I am so homesick but i live barely a city away from my mom's. Also living with my in laws for a few months is making me feel like I don't belong where i am or just comfortable in my skin. I just want a home to call my own!
MH and I both work at a university in the same department. He is currently teaching in the field in Spain. I got an email from the head of department this morning:
Subject: please call me urgently ##### (his extension)
No text in the email. I immediately called and he wanted to chew me out for not doing some bullshit HR box ticking exercise and I was like, "Oh, I thought someone was dead." I assured him I'd do it and got off the phone as quickly as possible and BAWLED for 45 minutes. I then sent him this: "Done (see below). Please don’t ever send me an
email like that again while my husband is teaching in the field. I am still
crying uncontrollably." (along with the niceties). I was a wreck and had to say something.
He replied with:
"I’m SO SORRY!
I forgot he was away – that
really was inconsiderate.
Yours, in shame"
I appreciate the apology and I don't really expect him to keep tabs on everyone but DEAR GOD do NOT ever send me an email like that when MH is away. I truly thought something horrible had happened.
I work for a very large company and in the past week we've lost 2 colleagues. One just happened over the weekend and even though I never met him in person, he would call our dept and he was the nicest guy and for some reason it made me very sad this morning and I had tears.
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
@sportiegrl1213So sorry to hear about your colleague. You may not have ever met him, but people touch you in certain ways and when they're gone, it just makes you think about how precious life is. I would be sad, too!
This actually happened Friday but I tried typing it out twice and got all choked up so let's hope today I can do this!!
I have 4 stepkids that have really become my own the past year. Their "Mom" is useless and always has been. They only see her on the weekends and that's if she decides to bother to show up. I can't even get into what happens at her house when they are there ugh.
Anyway, I do homework with them, bathe them take them to the doctors, you name it I do it. They've always been really manipulated by their Mom and she makes them feel guilt for loving another female figure even though she knows zilch about them. She doesn't know their grades, their teachers, how they struggle in school (three have learning disabilities/Add/ADHD). She has no clue they go to tutoring that I take them to three times a week, that they are going to summer school. I'm more sad for them than I am angry with her at this point because I just can't imagine being so disconnected from my children.
Normally when they make things at school for "Mom" she ends up with all of it. I never take it personally because well I just get it. Well on Friday they all came home with handmade things about their Mom. All had sentiments like my Mom is a great cook, she takes care of me, she is really good at math, I love her. They took them all out of their backpacks and handed them to ME! I was so taken aback and I was just sobbing. I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend and it just made me understand how they see me because I just never know. We have structure and rules and I feel like maybe they resent me for that but it's like in that moment I realized I am Mom to them. I've known it but to have them do that it just was overwhelming, it makes me want to do even better for them.
I cried for a good ten minutes while rocking my sobbing two-year-old on Mother's Day. He's had a cold and had been more difficult than usual for the whole week prior (so much so that my mother-in-law, who was in town for the weekend, commented on how it seemed abnormal). Mother's Day morning, at breakfast (at home, thank goodness, not at a restaurant), he had a complete meltdown and wouldn't stop crying. I finally took him out of his booster chair and rocked him until he calmed down. I was crying mostly because I couldn't do anything to make him feel better. It's a very helpless feeling to know your child feels terrible and you can't fix it. He's feeling better now, but I'm still upset about it. It makes me wonder how I'm going to handle two.
Because I'm so, so tired and still sick and I just want to go to sleep for an hour but instead I sit here in an open concept office with nowhere to hide.
Soooo I'm getting out of my car at home at 5 pm and a student from the school where I teach and two other boys are walking down the street. I smile and say hello and the student shouts back "why aren't you at work?" I tell him it's 5 o'clock. He responds "that's [name of school] for you." I work at a struggling urban school that's had a lot of setbacks that of course teachers get blamed for instead of crap funding and terrible district level admin. Meanwhile, I get to work by 7 each day, I stayed after school for a useless 1.5 hour discipline committee meeting and still have a huge stack of grading to do. Guess I am lazy though because I'm not sleeping at work. Yup, once I got in the door i cried and cried and asked myself how I'm going to manage going back in November with a 6 week old baby.
Aw @moquat I'm sorry about those kids.....I know it can be frustrating/maddening and sad to work with ungrateful, rude people regardless of their age. I'm gradually showing less tolerance for BS so I wonder too how it'll be going back when I'd rather be spending my days with my baby. Hope you felt a little better after a good cry!
Soooo I'm getting out of my car at home at 5 pm and a student from the school where I teach and two other boys are walking down the street. I smile and say hello and the student shouts back "why aren't you at work?" I tell him it's 5 o'clock. He responds "that's [name of school] for you." I work at a struggling urban school that's had a lot of setbacks that of course teachers get blamed for instead of crap funding and terrible district level admin. Meanwhile, I get to work by 7 each day, I stayed after school for a useless 1.5 hour discipline committee meeting and still have a huge stack of grading to do. Guess I am lazy though because I'm not sleeping at work. Yup, once I got in the door i cried and cried and asked myself how I'm going to manage going back in November with a 6 week old baby.
Hats off to you teachers out there. It's a thankless under appreciated job.
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My dog nephew passed away tonight and i can't even begin to describe how much I loved that damn dog. I can't sleep now because I'm overwhelmed with feelings of wishing I was up in MA with my family and just can't stop crying,
MH said something about my physical appearance is embarrassing to him. Pregnant or not, I cried.
Omg. I would have sucker punched him in the nose so that his appearance was embarrassing to you.
Eh, sorry, physical violence seems to be my go to with the pregnancy rage. Either way, that's real shitty for your partner to say and not okay. I'm sorry.
Because I feel so crappy today, there are days that just suck and you feel horrible and today is one of them. All I want to do is cry and go to bed.
Married 11-11-11 TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year. BFP 02-15-16 with our first IT'S A BOY!!!
Me too @sportiegrl1213- everything (and everyone) at work is annoying me, and I just want to sit down and cry. Then go home and put my pjs on cry some more in bed.
I had to have a 1Q performance discussion with one of my employees today. She's a high performer, and as I was talking to her I started bawling because she's doing such a good job and I wish all my employees were as awesome as her. I was mortified - super professional. Small silver lining is that at least it was a female employee, so she (said she) understood.
MH said something about my physical appearance is embarrassing to him. Pregnant or not, I cried.
Omg. I would have sucker punched him in the nose so that his appearance was embarrassing to you.
Eh, sorry, physical violence seems to be my go to with the pregnancy rage. Either way, that's real shitty for your partner to say and not okay. I'm sorry.
Not only am I pregnant, which is causing me to super zone out, I've also caught hubby's cold, which is making me tired and out of it (this on top of not sleeping well because my ass of a cat that I really truly love has been waking me up 2-3 times a night for snuggles and refuses to be ignored). Tonight while driving hubby and I home, I stopped to get gas, but the asshat in front of me took my pump, so I had to turn around to get another one. In the process of turning around, I backed into a cable - which was the straw that broke the camels back - as the tears started flowing. I regained control, but once hubby got back in the car after noticing a little dent in the bumper, he slammed the door and started freaking out. I broke down crying, which just made him more upset. We got home, and again I regained control, and went pee, he came in to see if I was okay and apologize, which set me off bawling again, which turned into us fighting, which encouraged the tears.
Yea now I'm even more tired, feeling even shittier, and drained. Hopefully chinese food will make me feel better! If not, ice cream it is!
MH said something about my physical appearance is embarrassing to him. Pregnant or not, I cried.
Omg. I would have sucker punched him in the nose so that his appearance was embarrassing to you.
Eh, sorry, physical violence seems to be my go to with the pregnancy rage. Either way, that's real shitty for your partner to say and not okay. I'm sorry.
DS was in the room or I would have sucker-punched H in the dick, totally. And I understand, the pregnancy rage is real.
@TurtleMomma Thank you, I didn't realize I would be as heartbroken as I am and I think missing my family is adding to it. Any time that is trying I just want to be around all of them, I'm known for being the one in my family to always make people laugh (most of the time at my own expense!) and I'm just sad I can't be there to help cheer my sister and her family up.
I was straight sobbing for the first time in ages and ended up calling my Mom. I didn't sleep last night because of the loss and today I was bombarded with three stepkids needing to go to summer school and somehow trying to juggle the following with that: My daughters sweet 16 in July (which will be a party in MA and me taking her and three friends to Boston) two concerts here in VA, my baby shower in MA sometime in August, my son is supposed to visit family in MA for two weeks and my daughter has show choir camp "sometime" but we don't know the dates yet. I have absolutely NO idea how I'm going to work out all the logistics of that and make it all work without me taking four road trips to MA and back by myself/with my kids while pregnant, it's typically a 9-12 hour ride. On top of that my stepkids "Mother" is so incredibly unreliable that even if I make a plan and a schedule it doesn't mean in any way that she will do what she is supposed to on her end. I was just so overwhelmed and my FI doesn't really get it because well frankly I'm the one who makes the house run and works out plans. I was hyperventilating to my Mom and it was just ugly. I don't know that I've just felt this spent in a long time and I go to the doctor tomorrow which I'm pretty sure my FI totally forgot anyway and I don't want to remind him.
Im going to sound like a brat but my school year with these kids is so incredibly stressful and hectic that I just wanted and NEEDED for summer to be easy and it's not going to be. Then all I think about is school comes again in September then we will have a baby shortly after, does this sound selfish and is anyone else struggling with this kind of stuff?
@LauraPCOS So sorry to hear about your day I swear it's like when one thing happens it's a snowball effect that just is too much to handle even when not hormonal! I'm with you on the cat thing, my cat whom I adore has been getting on my last nerve. She has been up my butt since I've been pregnant and wants nobody BUT me. Now she's acting out and peeing everywhere at night because she's mad she can't sleep with me. She has never slept with me at night but now she sits outside my room crying pathetically.
Cause my second has been so sick for 5 days. Today when I cleaned up extreme projectile vomit off my hardwood floor and thought I got it all and then slipt in a little bit that splashed on the tile in the kitchen I started to cry. It feels like my whole house smells like vomit and diarehha, and I haven't had a good nights sleep since Saturday. I've never cleaned up so much poop bedding and clothes in my life. My first has never been so sick. Doctor keeps saying its just the stomach bug but I could just scream at someone cause it's so so bad, she hasn't eaten for 3 days and if she tries even half a soda cracker she pukes or poops horribly
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We bought an 18ft rectangle above ground pool for the backyard for this summer, and I'm sad that it's going to ruin our beautiful backyard even though now I will have a pool to float in while I'm miserable. (Petty problems Friday, anyone?) I've just never had anything as nice as our home and backyard now and even though the pool is awesome, it still stings a little that we are ruining what is already nice.
On top of the pool thing, it won't be ready this weekend, which means I will still be white and pasty for Preakness - which is next week, that I still do not have shoes or a hat for. My dress is beautiful but no shoes and hat and white skin is going to look awful.
Re: Why my pregnant self is crying (7 May)
Subject: please call me urgently ##### (his extension)
No text in the email. I immediately called and he wanted to chew me out for not doing some bullshit HR box ticking exercise and I was like, "Oh, I thought someone was dead." I assured him I'd do it and got off the phone as quickly as possible and BAWLED for 45 minutes. I then sent him this: "Done (see below). Please don’t ever send me an email like that again while my husband is teaching in the field. I am still crying uncontrollably." (along with the niceties). I was a wreck and had to say something.
He replied with:
"I’m SO SORRY!
I forgot he was away – that really was inconsiderate.
Yours, in shame"I appreciate the apology and I don't really expect him to keep tabs on everyone but DEAR GOD do NOT ever send me an email like that when MH is away. I truly thought something horrible had happened.
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I have 4 stepkids that have really become my own the past year. Their "Mom" is useless and always has been. They only see her on the weekends and that's if she decides to bother to show up. I can't even get into what happens at her house when they are there ugh.
Anyway, I do homework with them, bathe them take them to the doctors, you name it I do it. They've always been really manipulated by their Mom and she makes them feel guilt for loving another female figure even though she knows zilch about them. She doesn't know their grades, their teachers, how they struggle in school (three have learning disabilities/Add/ADHD). She has no clue they go to tutoring that I take them to three times a week, that they are going to summer school. I'm more sad for them than I am angry with her at this point because I just can't imagine being so disconnected from my children.
Normally when they make things at school for "Mom" she ends up with all of it. I never take it personally because well I just get it. Well on Friday they all came home with handmade things about their Mom. All had sentiments like my Mom is a great cook, she takes care of me, she is really good at math, I love her. They took them all out of their backpacks and handed them to ME! I was so taken aback and I was just sobbing. I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend and it just made me understand how they see me because I just never know. We have structure and rules and I feel like maybe they resent me for that but it's like in that moment I realized I am Mom to them. I've known it but to have them do that it just was overwhelming, it makes me want to do even better for them.
Sorry this his was so long!
also they televised the Adele concert the other night and just the sound of her voice made me cry....smh lol
Eh, sorry, physical violence seems to be my go to with the pregnancy rage. Either way, that's real shitty for your partner to say and not okay. I'm sorry.
TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
BFP 02-15-16 with our first
IT'S A BOY!!!
Yea now I'm even more tired, feeling even shittier, and drained. Hopefully chinese food will make me feel better! If not, ice cream it is!
I was straight sobbing for the first time in ages and ended up calling my Mom. I didn't sleep last night because of the loss and today I was bombarded with three stepkids needing to go to summer school and somehow trying to juggle the following with that: My daughters sweet 16 in July (which will be a party in MA and me taking her and three friends to Boston) two concerts here in VA, my baby shower in MA sometime in August, my son is supposed to visit family in MA for two weeks and my daughter has show choir camp "sometime" but we don't know the dates yet. I have absolutely NO idea how I'm going to work out all the logistics of that and make it all work without me taking four road trips to MA and back by myself/with my kids while pregnant, it's typically a 9-12 hour ride. On top of that my stepkids "Mother" is so incredibly unreliable that even if I make a plan and a schedule it doesn't mean in any way that she will do what she is supposed to on her end. I was just so overwhelmed and my FI doesn't really get it because well frankly I'm the one who makes the house run and works out plans. I was hyperventilating to my Mom and it was just ugly. I don't know that I've just felt this spent in a long time and I go to the doctor tomorrow which I'm pretty sure my FI totally forgot anyway and I don't want to remind him.
Im going to sound like a brat but my school year with these kids is so incredibly stressful and hectic that I just wanted and NEEDED for summer to be easy and it's not going to be. Then all I think about is school comes again in September then we will have a baby shortly after, does this sound selfish and is anyone else struggling with this kind of stuff?
Doctor keeps saying its just the stomach bug but I could just scream at someone cause it's so so bad, she hasn't eaten for 3 days and if she tries even half a soda cracker she pukes or poops horribly
Sorry the pic is huge and nevermind my gross nails, I need a manicure!
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
https://www.buzzfeed.com/andyneuenschwander/18-harry-potter-posts-that-you-shouldnt-read-if-you-cry-easi?utm_term=.fdplLRkLr&bffbbooks#.xvajp1Rp2
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
We bought an 18ft rectangle above ground pool for the backyard for this summer, and I'm sad that it's going to ruin our beautiful backyard even though now I will have a pool to float in while I'm miserable. (Petty problems Friday, anyone?) I've just never had anything as nice as our home and backyard now and even though the pool is awesome, it still stings a little that we are ruining what is already nice.
On top of the pool thing, it won't be ready this weekend, which means I will still be white and pasty for Preakness - which is next week, that I still do not have shoes or a hat for. My dress is beautiful but no shoes and hat and white skin is going to look awful.
Petty pregnant tears.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
E born 6/2014
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16