I've never thought of myself as super crunchy, but as I read through this I guess I am! I think maybe living in Portland has warped my standards for what qualifies as crunchy lol. It'll be interesting to see where I fit into the spectrum when we move to New York in August. We EBF, cloth diaper, baby wear, etc. With my son we never bed shared because it freaked me out and he didn't seem to need it- he slept in our room in a R&P until 3 months, at which point he was sleeping 8 hour stretches and I couldn't deal with his grunting anymore. This baby is waaaay more needy in the nighttime department, and so we're bed sharing from like 4:00 am on because it seems to be the only way to get her to stay asleep at that point. It still doesn't feel great to me, but I'm willing to do it for a few months to survive.
Co-sleeping mamas, what set up are you using? Do you have a co-sleeper or just sleep next to LO in a large bed? We hadn't planned on co-sleeping but in the last few days after Jet's bedtime routine I've put her down in her crib for a bit and then moved her into the bed on my side for her first night feeding and kept her there. It's been so nice to have her next to me where I can check on her and nurse her without getting out of bed, I feel comfortable with her next to me but started looking at co-sleepers today to see what is available. There are so many choices! I would love to hear any advice you have on what co-sleeping set-up works best for your family!
First baby there was a tiny co-sleeping bed that fit on our bed in the middle but that didn't work out. Baby liked the RNP right by our bed. After baby outgrew that then in our bed. On my side, no blankets, no pillows, hair always tied up, I never wore jewelry to bed like the nursing necklace, basically researched safe bed sharing and took it super seriously.
This baby we have a halo bassinet right by my side of the bed, I love it so much, baby not so much. Baby also doesn't really care for the RNP. Both those are a hit or a miss. Baby does like bed sharing and or napping on a person.
@camillaandcarson, the only reason I've really even entertained bottles and pumping is due to pressure from my mother who insists I need time away from LO (so she would keep him and feed a bottle). Did you have a lot of support?
You mentioned that you nursed until LO was a toddler, were teeth ever a problem? I'm selfishly really paranoid about getting bitten. He's already gotten me a lot with his nails despite keeping them very short.
I had many family members say I needed time away, not for me, for them so they could have fun watching baby. Can't say I blame them because babies are cute. But baby & our little family of 3 didn't need/want that. The baby is now a toddler and bonded just fine with everyone in the extended family and is super social.
Teeth weren't a problem. But a lazy or bad latch can be, but if you are aware of that teeth can't get you. My LO was good about never biting. There are articles on kellymom and in the book the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding about how to prevent and curb biting too.
@Bellodomani I didn't realize you're moving here! I think you're on to something. What comes across as crunchy is just fairly standard on the coasts, I'm laughably not crunchy at all but I guess I am outside of NYC?
@Bellodomani I didn't realize you're moving here! I think you're on to something. What comes across as crunchy is just fairly standard on the coasts, I'm laughably not crunchy at all but I guess I am outside of NYC?
Another very uncrunchy New Yorker. We ff. She sleeps in a crib. I don't even own a wrap! I just wanted to jump in to wish @bellodomani an easy mode to the city! What part are you moving to? There are several NY/Brooklyn ladies on the bmb.
@Bellodomani I didn't realize you're moving here! I think you're on to something. What comes across as crunchy is just fairly standard on the coasts, I'm laughably not crunchy at all but I guess I am outside of NYC?
Another very uncrunchy New Yorker. We ff. She sleeps in a crib. I don't even own a wrap! I just wanted to jump in to wish @bellodomani an easy mode to the city! What part are you moving to? There are several NY/Brooklyn ladies on the bmb.
@Bellodomani I just wanted to add that I think our older kiddos are around the same age (2ish) so if you have any questions feel free to shout! August is really quiet but once preschool starts in September there will be a ton of things to do.
@bkjade I sewed a small cosleeper for our little girl. It slightly resembles a small oval dog bed and it fits between H and I. I'm working on a larger one for when she's more mobile with stiffer sides. She has just slept on H or I more then a few times but it gives me peace of mind that she has her one space.
We drove straight into crunchy town here where we live when we chose not only a water birth but, gasp, a home birth. Vaginal delivery in our town is on the decline so everyone thought baby and I were going to die. -eyeroll- (Not to downplay the very real risks involved but that was what most people were saying.)
Anyways, we do a lot of attachment parenting, baby wearing, EBF, cosleeping, using an amber necklace for teething, and making our own baby food when the time comes. We're also being picky about which and when vaccinations are given to our daughter. Like @lalala2004 we're trying to use up all our gifted diapers before switching to our cloth stash. All of which I can't wait to try out! We mostly have prefolds but I got a few used pockets to try as well. I'm going to really enjoy this group!
Edit: We're also attempting elimination communication (summing it up it's were you help your child be aware of their bodily functions early on). We were just going to try it out but she's been responding really well to it! Yay for less diapers to change!
@yogahh@Bltbear82 Thanks for the welcome! We don't know yet what part of town we'll be living in- my husband's office is in Chelsea but who knows where we'll be able to find a reasonably affordable place! He's going out in July to get housing squared away and then the kids and I will join him in August. He's already there like 3-4 months out of the year for work, so it'll be nice for us all to be in one place even if this is a crazy time to move cross country. I'll make sure to keep you guys in mind when I have questions about how to navigate NY living with kiddos
@yogahh@Bltbear82 Thanks for the welcome! We don't know yet what part of town we'll be living in- my husband's office is in Chelsea but who knows where we'll be able to find a reasonably affordable place! He's going out in July to get housing squared away and then the kids and I will join him in August. He's already there like 3-4 months out of the year for work, so it'll be nice for us all to be in one place even if this is a crazy time to move cross country. I'll make sure to keep you guys in mind when I have questions about how to navigate NY living with kiddos
Always up for a coffee! Mommy friends are few and far between
@yogahh@Bltbear82 Thanks for the welcome! We don't know yet what part of town we'll be living in- my husband's office is in Chelsea but who knows where we'll be able to find a reasonably affordable place! He's going out in July to get housing squared away and then the kids and I will join him in August. He's already there like 3-4 months out of the year for work, so it'll be nice for us all to be in one place even if this is a crazy time to move cross country. I'll make sure to keep you guys in mind when I have questions about how to navigate NY living with kiddos
Always up for a coffee! Mommy friends are few and far between
Yes me too!! I work in Chelsea and live in BK heights.
Because we either want help or have to go back to work. "Chomping at the bit" is a little offensive when it come to describing women who are struggling with breastfeeding for various reasons.
Because we either want help or have to go back to work. "Chomping at the bit" is a little offensive when it come to describing women who are struggling with breastfeeding for various reasons.
I agree. Was trying to bite my tongue at that comment, so thanks for saying something.
@jomunson, I am glad your LO took to BF so easily. Not everyones does. It took over a week for my supply to come in, so I had no choice but to FF if I wanted her to eat. Then after it came in, to be honest, it was easier to keep her FF since we had a routine started. Everyones situation is different.
It tends to be looked at as such if you do so after 1 year.
I don't think it is either but then you see a lot of moms chomping at the bit to switch to bottles or formula.
And this thinking is a huge reason why formula moms feel stigmatized.
I don't think you meant any harm, but I assure you I wasn't chomping at the bit at all when I made the very difficult and emotional decision to bottle and then formula feed. But after trying twice and both of my children dropping 13%+ of their body weight in 24 hours and failing to meet the wet/dirty diaper requirements for 36 hours I made the best choice for their health and my sanity. I guess I was chomping at the bit to make sure they stayed fed and hydrated.
I hear where everyone is coming from. I hope it was a wording choice blooper for @JoMunson because I know I have felt so heartbroken for the moms on here making these agonizing choices they never planned for. In context though, I think it's true that the whole "one year, done" thing IS something some people really stick to doing because "everyone else" does and pediatricians in general start asking about. Whether one can breastfeed versus whethe one stops at 1 year are different topics, but again, all are sensitive ones!
Because we either want help or have to go back to work. "Chomping at the bit" is a little offensive when it come to describing women who are struggling with breastfeeding for various reasons.
I agree. Was trying to bite my tongue at that comment, so thanks for saying something.
@jomunson, I am glad your LO took to BF so easily. Not everyones does. It took over a week for my supply to come in, so I had no choice but to FF if I wanted her to eat. Then after it came in, to be honest, it was easier to keep her FF since we had a routine started. Everyones situation is different.
This. I tried and tried to get DS to latch, still try everyday. I've talked to 3 different LC and of course LO is fine when they're around. But otherwise he's lazy and just uses it for comfort. So I've had to move to exclusively pumping and bottle feeding, which is ok bc that's where we were headed anyway with daycare on the horizon when I go back to work. But it wasn't a decision I took lightly and I struggle with it daily. I've gotten a lot of crap for it, mostly people saying I'm just doing what I'm doing bc I'm lazy or bc I want to drink or some other stupid reason. I was happy bc baby was happy and getting fed and I was less stressed, but I never realized I'd get judged so much for my choice.
There are so many reasons someone might FF. All reasons are valid IMO. Formula feeding is really not bad for babies. Breast feeding, if manageable, is better of course, but not if it comes at the expense of the mother's well being. Babies need happy, well rested and stable parents who can supply adequate food more than they need breast milk.
Because we either want help or have to go back to work. "Chomping at the bit" is a little offensive when it come to describing women who are struggling with breastfeeding for various reasons.
I completely agree that chomping at the bit is offensive wording that isn't indicative of why many moms choose to ff. I really struggled with bf at first with DS, so I absolutely sympathize.
I do want to address the going back to work issue, though, because it has a lot of stigma attached to it as well (at least where I live). It seems to be assumed around here that when you return to work, you stop bf. It's completely possible to return to work full time and extended bf or bf. I did it, though it was difficult and I lost some social standing at work because of it-- because I became the pain in the ass who wouldn't give up her unpaid 30min lunch to do someone a favor because I needed it to pump, and becauae anytime I was challenged on that, I reminded administration that it was my legal right, besides the fact that lunch is an off the clock time anyway. I pumped immediately before work, and right before leaving as well, then bf again as soon as I got home an hour later and through the night/all weekend. Every time it got hard, whether from the temporary supply dip at the beginning, or a plugged duct, or a temporary supply dip from days when I couldn't stay hydrated enough or ended up sick, I was told to just give it up already. The lack of support increased once he passed 1 yr, to the point where when he was over 18mo and my supply couldn't keep up during pregnancy, I stopped pumping and let my milk change over as he slowly weaned from bf at night.
@kbrands7 I was referring to the bottle mention. I hope to still breastfeed when I go back to work, but I have to introduce a bottle at some point to get her ready for daycare. My ultra crunchy friend is actually the one that recommended to start bottle feeding occasionally sooner rather than later. She introduced a bottle to her LO, and her daughter took to it well. But she enjoyed breastfeeding more, so for the rest of her maternity leave that's what she did. When it came time for her to go back to work, guess who didn't want a bottle? She had to go to the daycare during her lunch break and nurse before her pediatrician finally told her to stop. Eventually the baby would get hungry enough to take a bottle, and fortunately, her pediatrician was right. It seems to me like more of a return to work issue than a crunchy issue.
@missnc77 Got it! I guess there are layers of judgement around feeding. I keep forgetting that even within breastfeeding there are a sizable number of those who are staunchly anti-bottle. I definitely enjoy bfing more, but as you said, pumping and introducing a bottle at least while I was at work was essential. I guess my point was more that continuing to pump/bf while working and past the 4-6mo mark tends to be viewed as crunchy and also tends to lack support (that aspect is more of a working woman issue for sure!). Also, I think some women enter into it with a defeatist attitude thinking it's not possible and so they quit before even giving it a fair shot, but it is possible in many cases where supply is already established well.
Because we either want help or have to go back to work. "Chomping at the bit" is a little offensive when it come to describing women who are struggling with breastfeeding for various reasons.
I completely agree that chomping at the bit is offensive wording that isn't indicative of why many moms choose to ff. I really struggled with bf at first with DS, so I absolutely sympathize.
I do want to address the going back to work issue, though, because it has a lot of stigma attached to it as well (at least where I live). It seems to be assumed around here that when you return to work, you stop bf. It's completely possible to return to work full time and extended bf or bf. I did it, though it was difficult and I lost some social standing at work because of it-- because I became the pain in the ass who wouldn't give up her unpaid 30min lunch to do someone a favor because I needed it to pump, and becauae anytime I was challenged on that, I reminded administration that it was my legal right, besides the fact that lunch is an off the clock time anyway. I pumped immediately before work, and right before leaving as well, then bf again as soon as I got home an hour later and through the night/all weekend. Every time it got hard, whether from the temporary supply dip at the beginning, or a plugged duct, or a temporary supply dip from days when I couldn't stay hydrated enough or ended up sick, I was told to just give it up already. The lack of support increased once he passed 1 yr, to the point where when he was over 18mo and my supply couldn't keep up during pregnancy, I stopped pumping and let my milk change over as he slowly weaned from bf at night.
Edited typos
I'm not looking forward to this when I go back to work. I am in Canada where we have one year mat leave, which makes my situation much easier than yours. However, as I have a two month preemie, I would definitely like to continue breastfeeding/pumping beyond the one year mark. I feel work would be more accommodating if it were early days, aI hate that I will have to have the pumping discussion with anyone at work once I go back. It really feels like a discussion that's not the business of any of my bosses or coworkers so I'm not looking forward to having to put it out there. As I said earlier, I don't consider myself crunchy at all but I know some of my decisions may be regarded as such.
@kbrands7Is it sad that I'm totally not crunchy, so I feel like if going past 6 months is crunchy, then I'm off the hook come November? I wish I were kidding, but that was my first thought. I don't mind breastfeeding because it gives me 1-1 time, but I HATE pumping.
@missnc77 not sad! It's all about what works for your situation. I hate pumping too, but I was just that stubborn about continuing to bf, so I did it. I haven't even taken my pump out yet this time because after such a long run with it, I can't stand to look at that motorized b*tch until it's closer to the point where I have to!
I'm sorry guys, it's totally a case of foot in mouth while checking the bump after a 4am feed. Honestly I thought I'd typed it and then deleted it because it's stupid. this is definitely NOT a threat for judging ft moms or bottle moms (hey, I give a bottle once a day and have to go back to work). i apologize if I upset anyone. Every mom is an awesome mom no matter what they feed their baby. But also I'm glad we brought this up because I'm really struggling with giving my baby bottles. I'm going back to work in September and I worry Ezra will start preferring the bottle. I'm glad this thread has so many different moms on there.
A few suggestions for keeping up with bf while bottle feeding: 1) use a slow flow or premie nipple, even as LO gets older 2) have someone besides you feed the bottle so that you remain the bfing source 3) use paced feeding 4) keep bfing as bonding time during not nighttime feedings so that LO gets to and wants to interact with you then (play with the baby--no phones and such!)
It seems to me like the laws RE: pumping at work need to match the WHO (not sure if the APA says this) recommendation that BFing up to two years is ideal. For working moms it's just not possible if their workplace isn't supportive as its not protected by law after a year.
If a woman wants or needs to wean or switch to formula sooner, for whatever reason, it's completely understandable. What is sad, however, is that she would be forced or pressured to due to lack of support or cultural norms.
According to LLL and their sources, the time a child would wean from BF on demand completely on their own would be between 2 1/2 to 7 years. Obviously most people in the Western world don't go that long. There certainly isn't anything wrong with that, as after 1 year babies start to derive a large portion of their nutrition from food, but it makes you wonder why our culture has shifted so far from what seems biologically normal in this way. I myself am not sure how I'll feel after 2 years of BFing, and I don't see myself going long after that at all. I suuuuure would not be going to age 7! It is what it is.
@lalala2004 - I agree! I was actually just talking to DH yesterday and he asked how long I was planning on BF. I replied as long as she wants, and mentioned that I BF until I was three. He said GROSS and started looking up guidelines for breastfeeding. He then realized that WHO reccomended BF until two. He had no idea that kids breastfed past their first birthdays. I suppose since I was raised by hippies I assumed that these sort of things more in the norm than they actually are.
@bkjade I think many people don't realize that before all of our modern conveniences BFing for so long was the most convenient thing possible.
1. No pacifiers available for comfort 2. Breast milk is always available, even when food is scarce 3. It's a ready made meal, no need to purée, cut, cook, serve, or clean up after a messy baby or toddler!
In today's times these things don't matter much, but it certainly doesn't make BFing for an extended period of time any less natural. People just don't have experience with it.
When I was a baby, my mom thought I weaned myself at 9 months old. That's because she was feeding me food first, then offering to BF. Of course I didn't want it, I had already eaten and was full!
@LadySamLady@yogahh I will totally hit you guys up when we get settled! I only have two friends out there and they are both single & childless, so I'm gonna be on the hunt for mom friends
@Bellodomani also people tend to be a little crazy about preschool, so if you're looking for preschools for the upcoming year make sure you join/call the Parent's League. They keep a list of all schools with openings based on age and location, and also offer guidance on types of schools.
@kbrands7 mad props to you, it's my personal belief that teachers have one if not the biggest battles when it comes to pumping at the workplace. My teacher friends have horror stories about not getting time to pump and it seriously pisses me off.
@Bltbear82 Good to know about that resource! I'm a preschool teacher and I've heard the NY insanity rivals the Silicon Valley insanity where I used to teach. There's a chance that I may end up with a job in one of the Abbott program schools in Hoboken, in which case they would hold a spot for my son, but it's not a sure thing yet so I should do the legwork for looking at other options now.
@Bellodomani also people tend to be a little crazy about preschool, so if you're looking for preschools for the upcoming year make sure you join/call the Parent's League. They keep a list of all schools with openings based on age and location, and also offer guidance on types of schools.
Gawd, I never even thought about this! Everything here is so intense. Can't we get through day care before worrying about preschool
Mamas, I need some support to open feed. Ezra is a hot baby and summer is starting. We're spending time outside so he can get his vitamin D and I can get my sunshine fix but when I feed him even under the lightest cover he gets so hot. He doesn't mind at all but yesterday the combination of the ergo being too hot and eating under the cover gave him a little heat rash. Anyone on her feed in public without a cover? How was it? Tell me everything!
@JoMunson I feed without a cover in bathing suit situations, or if I double layer shirts because the top shirt covers the cleavage anyway. Otherwise, I drape a nursing scarf over cleavage while feeding but always leave the baby uncovered (I just usent an ininety scarf opened around my neck). It's completely fine. I've had people come up and talk with me and only realize minutes in that I'm feeding with the shirt or scarf draped. Completely open feeding at the beach was actually very liberating and no one said a thing. I've actually only gotten nasty comments about nip when I first tried nursing DS1 under a cover and was struggling, so it was very obvious that I was feeding-- that was also 2yrs ago now when the movement to normalize nip was just picking up.
I open fed outside of the trampoline park after my older son's 11th birthday party. The baby was hungry and I didn't have my cover. It helped that I was with a close group of friends. My baby doesn't like to be covered either. He seems like the goldilocks of nursing, he doesn't like to be covered, or too hot, or too cold. He isn't happy to nurse if my breast are too full, or too empty.
@JoMunson - I open feed a lot of the time, it just depends on the weather. I'm not going to make Jet sweat it out on a hot day under a cover. I've certainly had a few side-eyes directed my way, but no one has actually come up to me and said anything. DH has been supportive, which is helpful.
Re: Crunchy Mama Thread
This baby we have a halo bassinet right by my side of the bed, I love it so much, baby not so much. Baby also doesn't really care for the RNP. Both those are a hit or a miss. Baby does like bed sharing and or napping on a person.
Teeth weren't a problem. But a lazy or bad latch can be, but if you are aware of that teeth can't get you. My LO was good about never biting. There are articles on kellymom and in the book the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding about how to prevent and curb biting too.
We drove straight into crunchy town here where we live when we chose not only a water birth but, gasp, a home birth. Vaginal delivery in our town is on the decline so everyone thought baby and I were going to die. -eyeroll- (Not to downplay the very real risks involved but that was what most people were saying.)
Anyways, we do a lot of attachment parenting, baby wearing, EBF, cosleeping, using an amber necklace for teething, and making our own baby food when the time comes. We're also being picky about which and when vaccinations are given to our daughter. Like @lalala2004 we're trying to use up all our gifted diapers before switching to our cloth stash. All of which I can't wait to try out! We mostly have prefolds but I got a few used pockets to try as well.
I'm going to really enjoy this group!
Edit: We're also attempting elimination communication (summing it up it's were you help your child be aware of their bodily functions early on). We were just going to try it out but she's been responding really well to it! Yay for less diapers to change!
I agree. Was trying to bite my tongue at that comment, so thanks for saying something.
@jomunson, I am glad your LO took to BF so easily. Not everyones does. It took over a week for my supply to come in, so I had no choice but to FF if I wanted her to eat. Then after it came in, to be honest, it was easier to keep her FF since we had a routine started. Everyones situation is different.
I don't think you meant any harm, but I assure you I wasn't chomping at the bit at all when I made the very difficult and emotional decision to bottle and then formula feed. But after trying twice and both of my children dropping 13%+ of their body weight in 24 hours and failing to meet the wet/dirty diaper requirements for 36 hours I made the best choice for their health and my sanity. I guess I was chomping at the bit to make sure they stayed fed and hydrated.
I do want to address the going back to work issue, though, because it has a lot of stigma attached to it as well (at least where I live). It seems to be assumed around here that when you return to work, you stop bf. It's completely possible to return to work full time and extended bf or bf. I did it, though it was difficult and I lost some social standing at work because of it-- because I became the pain in the ass who wouldn't give up her unpaid 30min lunch to do someone a favor because I needed it to pump, and becauae anytime I was challenged on that, I reminded administration that it was my legal right, besides the fact that lunch is an off the clock time anyway. I pumped immediately before work, and right before leaving as well, then bf again as soon as I got home an hour later and through the night/all weekend. Every time it got hard, whether from the temporary supply dip at the beginning, or a plugged duct, or a temporary supply dip from days when I couldn't stay hydrated enough or ended up sick, I was told to just give it up already. The lack of support increased once he passed 1 yr, to the point where when he was over 18mo and my supply couldn't keep up during pregnancy, I stopped pumping and let my milk change over as he slowly weaned from bf at night.
Edited typos
this is definitely NOT a threat for judging ft moms or bottle moms (hey, I give a bottle once a day and have to go back to work).
i apologize if I upset anyone. Every mom is an awesome mom no matter what they feed their baby.
But also I'm glad we brought this up because I'm really struggling with giving my baby bottles. I'm going back to work in September and I worry Ezra will start preferring the bottle. I'm glad this thread has so many different moms on there.
A few suggestions for keeping up with bf while bottle feeding: 1) use a slow flow or premie nipple, even as LO gets older 2) have someone besides you feed the bottle so that you remain the bfing source 3) use paced feeding 4) keep bfing as bonding time during not nighttime feedings so that LO gets to and wants to interact with you then (play with the baby--no phones and such!)
If a woman wants or needs to wean or switch to formula sooner, for whatever reason, it's completely understandable. What is sad, however, is that she would be forced or pressured to due to lack of support or cultural norms.
According to LLL and their sources, the time a child would wean from BF on demand completely on their own would be between 2 1/2 to 7 years. Obviously most people in the Western world don't go that long. There certainly isn't anything wrong with that, as after 1 year babies start to derive a large portion of their nutrition from food, but it makes you wonder why our culture has shifted so far from what seems biologically normal in this way. I myself am not sure how I'll feel after 2 years of BFing, and I don't see myself going long after that at all. I suuuuure would not be going to age 7! It is what it is.
1. No pacifiers available for comfort
2. Breast milk is always available, even when food is scarce
3. It's a ready made meal, no need to purée, cut, cook, serve, or clean up after a messy baby or toddler!
In today's times these things don't matter much, but it certainly doesn't make BFing for an extended period of time any less natural. People just don't have experience with it.
When I was a baby, my mom thought I weaned myself at 9 months old. That's because she was feeding me food first, then offering to BF. Of course I didn't want it, I had already eaten and was full!
Anyone on her feed in public without a cover? How was it? Tell me everything!
You've got this!