Trying to ask a question but not welcome. Please delete because I can't

nmd9168 · May 2016

well I had a legit question and was looking for advice but now I can't erase my post. I read the whole "Google" thread. I've never felt more unwelcome / uncomfortable to post here. I feel like I accidentally butted into a high school clique conversation. Sorry about bothering anyone. I'll be sure to not post on this board again. After my mmc, I am so afraid to be pregnant again and I'm not into the whole welcome message of this board. So thanks for that.

mylittleversailles · May 2016

Hey there, that post at the top was written a long time ago and not by anyone who participates here anymore. We're friendly, promise. Sometimes I cringe because of that post at the top - it is not representative of the culture here now at all.

I did read your original post and would love to try to help, if you're still down.

Edit: does anyone know if we might possibly get that thread unpinned? It's really not very kind.

rainbowturtles · May 2016

What @reneeannemm said is true. I was incredibly nervous to post here the first time but everyone is incredibly welcoming and supportive. This is a highly emotional time for all of us and we're all here to help best we can if you give us a chance

chloe97 · May 2016

Agreed. Can we ask The Bump gods to remove? Maybe we should draft a more welcoming message about who we are!

SnobunnieMel · May 2016

We are a much more welcoming community than that post sounds. We do not flame here and there is no snarky attack for asking questions. If it is something that doesn't fit here we usually will suggest a place you are more likely to find a helpful answer. Those of us here see TTC from a different side that most of the other women on TB so we are happy to help when and where we can

mylittleversailles · May 2016

@chloe97 How does one talk with The Bump Gods anyway??

Wishilivedinflorida · May 2016

@BumpTara @BumpAdmin @BumpCaitlin

I think sometimes this works ^

I agree that the stickied post is not reflective of the culture here anymore. I feel terribly that @nmd9168 felt unwelcome here.

mandi135 · May 2016

Oh my! I hadn't really read that top post before...that is so not this group! And many many thanks to all of you who make this such a welcoming place - I hope the original poster feels comfortable coming back here!

catiecatp · May 2016

@nmd9168 - I'm so sorry you feel unwelcome - we're a very welcoming bunch right now and I agree completely with the previous posters that the stickied post isn't reflective of who we are as a group now. And I want to actually thank you for making this comment, because it made us realize the vibe that post gives and made me realize that we might be scaring away people who need help. To my way of thinking if what someone needs is a question answered and I might be able to provide that answer - I want to hear the question. Would I prefer to have that person a part of the community, sure, but if that is what they need at that spot in their healing then I want to provide that for them.

nmd9168 · May 2016

Thank you very much for all of the responses. I appreciate the warm welcome.

My name is Natalie. Thanks again for helping clear that up. Sorry if I was too emotional... I get that way lately...

catiecatp · May 2016

@nmd9168 - seemed like an appropriate level of emotion, because all levels are appropriate. If you want to share again, we'd love to hear what your question was.

fivetimesnoluck · May 2016

@nmd9168 Natalie, welcome. Like the others have said, this is probably the most welcoming spot on The Bump. I was initially turned off by most of the bmbs I lurked on in previous pregnancies, but this is a different place.

We are all in various states of emotional healing and are here to support you. Don't apologize for the emotion you're experiencing... to us or anyone else.

I am sorry we meet here, but am glad you found us and hope you'll stick around/participate as you wish.

16isourluckynumber · May 2016

Hi @nmd9168 My dates are almost the exact same as yours. LMP 1/27, BFP 2/23, MMC and then D&C 4/5. I've had one cycle since and now am TTC again, but seem to be having an a ovulation cycle. Maybe that is what your question is about

SoonToBeMommaHowe · May 2016

Hello and welcome @nmd9168. I've only been here a cpl weeks and I felt the same as you when I read that intro. So cruel, especially when this board is for ppl that have experienced something so traumatic. But I assure this is not that way and I have felt so much better these last two weeks, hoping it does the same for you

fivetimesnoluck · May 2016

Happy to report to all, that post is now unpinned! Thanks for bringing this to our attention, @nmd9168 and for taking action, @reneeannemm.

BrightenMySky · May 2016

@nmd9168 I remember your posts on miscarriage/loss and wanted to add in another welcome here.

roxgibbons · May 2016

Welcome @nmd9168! Please stay and share.

dubcompanion · May 2016

@nmd9168 So sorry for your loss, and I'm truly sorry that the "Google" thread discouraged you so much. Thank you for speaking up. None of us would have noticed otherwise. Here's to a friendlier greeting for all present and future TTCAL-ers.

nmd9168 · May 2016

I feel like a dork, but I honestly can't remember what my question was... lol

mflowers929 · May 2016

I just wanted to post this here so that you might understand. I was a regular here, but moved on with most of the rest of the regulars to another group when TB pulled some shit that was not kosher. I'm honestly surprised that post was still stickied, but it was completely appropriate for the situation that was going on here at the time. We had people coming and trolling us for shits and giggles, and we were all extremely frustrated with it, and tried very much to insulate ourselves for the trolling to stop.
Community is very much welcome and needed during a period of mourning, so wherever you find it, I'm sorry for your loss.

nmd9168 · May 2016

@16isourluckynumber Wow. We really are close in dates. It's been a rough couple of months. I'm really really sorry for your loss. =( I've actually not had a regular AF. It seemed more like heavy spotting for a few days. So I'm not sure if I'll ovulate or have been ovulating or not. =/ My husband and I have not been using protection. So I don't know how I would tell if I were pregnant. I have an appt with my OB on June 9th. So...yeah. Ugh it's frustrating

chloe97 · May 2016

mflowers929 said:

I just wanted to post this here so that you might understand. I was a regular here, but moved on with most of the rest of the regulars to another group when TB pulled some shit that was not kosher. I'm honestly surprised that post was still stickied, but it was completely appropriate for the situation that was going on here at the time. We had people coming and trolling us for shits and giggles, and we were all extremely frustrated with it, and tried very much to insulate ourselves for the trolling to stop.
Community is very much welcome and needed during a period of mourning, so wherever you find it, I'm sorry for your loss.

Why would anyone want to troll the TTC After a Loss board? Seriously, what kind of sick/twisted person gets joy out of tormenting women who have gone through a loss and dealing the the anxiety that comes with trying to conceive again? So weird to me.

SnobunnieMel · May 2016

@chloe97 I think we are a prime target to ask about "if I'm pregnant" type stuff since it's a board full of women who obviously have been at some point, but the general population is inconsiderate at best and don't realize that is just shoving it in the face of women who no longer are. I think we are a vulnerable target to troll.

and it sucks.

chloe97 · May 2016

@SnobunnieMel ahhhh.... I was thinking about trolls like people whose goal is to terrorize the board, not ask about pee sticks and symptom spotting and then moving on. That makes more sense.

I did notice that we are a really hard board to find if you didn't know we existed. Back when I was participating in TTGP, I referred a lot of ladies who had losses to this board. Being hard to find probably helps keep the trolls out these days.

MissPrint1219 · May 2016

I remember the time that @mflowers9 is referencing, and @SnobunnieMel is right. It was bad. I don't think any of the drive-bys were malicious, but I remember one in particular asking for feedback from women who had successful pregnancies after xxx symptoms. You know, because so many of us have experience with successful pregnancies.... :-/

JDMRS · May 2016

@nmd9168 if you haven't picked up on it yet

these are some of the most amazing women out there and we all welcome any woman who unfortunately makes her way here. I wish we never had to be here but I'm so thankful for all of the love and kindness these wonderful ladies have offered me.

Glitter · May 2016

I havent posted much here but was welcomed right away. The ladies here and on the loss board were so wonderful and continue to be. Ive met awesome women here, I even pm with a couple. Im beyond thankful for this board and I hate seeing someone not feel accepted. We are all going through a painful time and need to support one another. Im very sorry you felt that way, your more than Welcome here.

mflowers929 · May 2016

Yes, the one that @MissPrint1219 is talking about was horrible. We all were seriously wounded from that, and some backlash ensued.
There was another one who we weren't ever sure if it was the husband or wife posting and they were just after a transfer, which according to the rules we had at the time, was not allowed to post here, but they completely ignored those rules and attacked the ladies who tried to redirect them to the correct forums.
That prompted me to write a post (complete with gifs) on how if you're in the middle of adopting a pony, it's really super shitty to rub it in the face of someone who has been wanting and sitting and waiting for a pony of their own. Because ponies.

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