I mentioned that I wanted to mulch all of my flower gardens this year as most of the old mulch is gone at this point. My husband is off today but we still send my son to daycare. He has laid 18 bags of mulch.. as jealous as I am for him getting alone time at the house, this is something we'd never have time to do on a day with the toddler around. (I'm a little jealous.. I really like yardwork and wanted to do some myself) but I can't wait to get home and see how my gardens look! Go hubby go!
I'm a few days late on the poopy diaper conversation....DH and I always split the poopy diaper. Instead of keeping track of who's turn it is, we would paper-rock-scissors over it. My dad finds it incredibly entertaining. With this pregnancy, the smell of the poopy diapers has made me gag. DH has stepped up and done most of the poopy diapers for the last several months. It's nice! But like @AnnaS930, we appreciate it when DS does his pooping at datycare. We pay them enough.
I came home today after a long day at work and family events to find DH cleaned our entire bathroom from top to bottom. It was a mess...but I just don't do bathrooms. I was so excited to see it cleaned it and was thrilled all over again when I got ready this morning. Go DH!
After hearing about the concerns at our a/s, DH has been wonderful. He has been emotional, but also steady. He honestly doesn't know much about fetal development, etc., so while I was clueing in to the fact that something was up, he was not and was absolutely blindsided when they mentioned potential problems. He has just been great though--super tender with me, really thoughtful about how we can think about this and be a team as we figure things out, and so steadfast in his love for our daughter. I am so grateful that concerns are drawing us closer, rather than driving us into our own little corners.
The ugly.....my DH is totally spoiled, by me, his mom, his grandma, basically every women in his life and has been his entire life. It's getting to the point where I am fed up with him and can't handle it now that we have an almost 2 year old and one on the way. I freaked out this weekend and am still upset that he doesn't see my side. Typically he agrees with me when I point something out. Not this time. He was a total jerk. He comes and goes as he pleases, makes plans with out telling me. Leaves work early to do his own things with his buddies, with out mention to me. He takes no responsibility when it comes to drop offs or pick ups at daycare, unless I arrange it, far enough in advance, say for example if I have plans after work. He doesn't do any house work (cleaning, cooking..nothing), I have to ask repeatedly for him to carry the garbage. He doesn't take initiative to better our home in any way, or do yard work. His money is spent on his hobbies, he does pay our utilities but I pick up all the rest, food and house hold supplies, DS's expenses, diapers, daycare, clothes, all of it. He says his job is so stressful he needs his time away from there to be relaxing and not full of to do's. Well wtf where you thinking getting married and having a family then? I seriously want to disconnect our cable TV and burn his recliner, so he can't sit and fully recline while I bust my butt around the house. He lives his life and me and DS live ours. He says it'll all change when DS is older and interested in the same hobbies as daddy, then they will be together. Great <insert sarcasm> I can't wait! I honestly feel like a single mother to 2 children already.
So yesterday, as you may know, my dog had a horrific seizure. But there was a mildly humorous element. DH was getting ready to step into the shower when it happened, so he ran into the bedroom buck naked to wake me up to let me know it was happening. The look of sheer concern/alarm on his face combined with his stark white booty was a tiny little bright spot in a rather crappy morning. I absolutely love that his concern for the dog's comfort was more important than say, grabbing a towel!
Ugly, ugly, ugly. My spouse tells me last night how much he would like to quit his stressful job working for a big company with lots of frustrating bureaucracy and maybe take another job which pays a lot less but at which he could work from home. A home which, for some perspective, is very expensive and was just purchased in October. Working from this home would not allow us to save money on daycare, for some more perspective, because he would need to focus on work (this did not stop him from asking me prior to now if I could work from home with the baby, as if my job requires less focus). For some more perspective, I am a litigation attorney at a law firm which is a VERY STRESSFUL JOB, in itself.
I have a short come to Jesus with him last night, saying I know how frustrating work can be, but you carry our health insurance and I carry our child, and we cannot afford any of this on my salary. He eventually relents. Of course he needs to suck it up for awhile, at least until he could find a comparable job, and of course he can't be job-hopping now.
Fast forward to today, during which he is preparing for a Very Important Presentation for the directors of his company this afternoon. He sends me a message this morning saying he had a huge blowout with his boss and either walked out or got sent home, and he's not sure what's going to happen. He is now home taking a nap while I am at my own Very Stressful Job trying not to run home and murder him.
@luv4LO I feel you. I would like to go set his blankets on fire right about now..
Oh no. I hope this turns out well @jas1982 . Well done on not actually running home and committing that act - although I'm not sure how you're accomplishing that. Sending good juju your way!
@jas1982 yikes!! I feel your pain- I encouraged my DH to take a lower paying job almost 2 years ago in an apprenticeship program that will ultimately have him making way more... in like 5 more years from now. So I carry the high paying jobs, though I lost one of them two weeks ago so now I'm looking to him to take on any overtime his job will give him (time and a half), and maybe some side jobs. I hope you guys can work it out so you don't have even more stress added to your plate
Yikes @jas1982 I understand your frustration!! (And for the record, my love it was for your description of all of this -- not for what DH is putting you through right now!) Hopefully the episode with his boss will blow over and he'll start to see where you're coming from -- it doesn't sound like now is the time for him to be wavering without a good, financially stable second option.
@jas1982- Men.. and timing.. I swear. This certainly does not sound like the time to be looking for another job that would include a major pay cut. C'monMr. Jas, wise up!!
The vision of a stark white nudie husband reminded me of this moment I had after having my son... We had him circumcised and although I'm familiar with circumcised penises, I was still concerned during the healing process because, well, it's a bit much. At one point I asked my husband (who is also circumcised) "Does everything look alright down there to you?" To which he replied "Yeah, it looks exactly like mine!"
I literally fell off the couch laughing that night. Just the idea that this infant's little 1 inch long penis looks exactly like my husbands was too much to handle. He looked at me in confusion and finally said "Oh come on! A lot smaller... it's just.. you know what I meant!!" Man I love my boys
DH and I got into a bit of a fight yesterday revolving around a family trip to a place I'd rather not visit (but feel obliged to go, because you know, he's my husband and it's his family and yada yada yada).
I just want to gush because I was super proud of him for calmly saying "I'm too angry to talk about this right now, can we drop it and pick it up later?" My husband has always had the tendency to be a "bull in a china shop" when he argues (a very well meaning bull, but a bull none-the-less), he's loud, he doesn't stop pushing until it's "resolved," he lays on all the issues all at once, goes off the point, goes on the attack, etc. We've been working on how to better deal with conflict for a long time, and I was just so shocked that he was able to so calmly recognize that he was hitting his boiling point and needed a break before he said something hurtful that he didn't mean.
We were able to talk about it the issue later, and though it's not 100% completely resolved yet, we were both able to come to a better understanding of the other person's thought process and perspective. A year ago I would be sitting her sulking and feeling hurt by my husband, but today I'm just all . I'm just so proud of how both us have grown over the first year of our marriage!
@PoodleDoodleOoo - That's fantastic! I've urged my husband to tell me when he is unhappy, otherwise he tucks it away and will bring up a point of WAY later when we are discussing/arguing about something else. Lately he has been much better to be open with his likes/dislikes and feelings overall. I enjoy that he is non-confrontational overall but can be to a fault. It's super beneficial to make improvements and continuously move forward in a marriage.
Edited to add: And good for you! For being patient and coming back to the issue. I don't like to drop things so I'd have a hard time seeing the good in letting an issue go for a better headspace to discuss it in!
@PoodleDoodleOoo - That is awesome of your DH. As the one in my marriage that is more of the "bull in a china shop", I recognize how hard it is to step back and say, "This isn't working for me right now and I need to step away". Good for him! And good for you for recognizing his effort!
@AnnaS930 - I'm more like your husband! I tend to let things steam and stew and then blow up all at once! Neither argument styles are ideal, but we're both working on it and learning from each other.
@UnwritteN12 - Thanks! I'm super proud of him (and us!) too!
Early Monday morning, we were riding in the car (to drop me off at work/pick up the company car) and I was complaining about the huge new zit on my forehead, just as it seems I have gotten my chin zits under control. My half-caffeinated husband looks at me and says, "I think your face is pretty." So very simple, yet so sweet.
I realized I haven't yet and should use this thread as an opportunity brag on my DH. He has always been an early riser, so every single Saturday and Sunday he gets up with DD and makes a big breakfast from scratch (biscuits on Saturday mornings, pancakes/waffles on Sunday) and I get to sleep in an extra hour. He loves to get up early and loves to cook. I don't know what I ever did to deserve it, but he really is the greatest
My husband found a leak under our sink and fixed it before going to work today (yay him.. he's not a handy man by any means). He also weed whacked, and did the dishes. I thanked him for all he does around the house and this was his reply... "I just try to help out as much as you do, which is impossible since you keep this house running. I just try to contribute a little haha"
Man, he's right! hahahaa, I really do keep the house running but I work 4 days a week while he works 5 and I am a busy body, so sitting still is not an option. Feels REALLY nice to get some recognition for busting my butt. I love him so much!
Alright I suppose I'll rave about mine today. DH has been pulling overnight shifts all week to make overtime and help save up a little bit for our growing family. He goes in at 6 pm and gets home at 4 am, and has been totally busting moves. I have barely seen him all week except for when he comes to bed at 5 am, and I get up at 7:30-8 for work. This morning I noticed he has a black eye to boot- one of the guys at work carelessly whacked him with a drill apparently. Poor thing. I am, of course, glossing over the fact that our apartment is in a dirty downward spiral because I've been working extra hours too, and the time he's home during the day he's exhausted and has no energy to do anything- and I'm the same when I get home.
@SarahDarah333- the more time you guys put in now, really, the better it's going to be when you can lighten the load a bit when baby gets here and husband can go back to normal working hours to be around more. The hard work is really going to pay off! I hope you can plot out your schedules and find a date night in the near future.. even if it's a frozen pizza and movie at home kind of night - good to spend a little down time together.
@AnnaS930 So true- and that brings me to my post today...
Now the bad. Today was DH's first day off after working overnight shifts all week. I've been telling him how much I miss him and how I can't wait to get time with him. I got out of work early today and came home. All he wanted to do was watch some BS show he likes. Whatever. Then he decided to order out. Fine by me. I asked him if he's calling it in or if he's ordering it there. At first he said calling it in, then he said he wanted to order it there so they don't mess it up. I offered to go with him, and he said no he would be right back. I made a semi-joke about how he won't be back till 8, and he said "oh stop it." He left at 4:30, it's now been over 2 hours. I texted him and said "Wow, they really do take forever" and he writes back that it's his fault, he made a friend there. So instead of spending time with me, his pregnant wife, he is out at an effing bar spending time with some random person he just met? UGH! Every time he goes to pick up food, he takes forever. AND he gets home from work earlier than me usually- he waits till about a half hour before I get home to go run errands, and takes forever. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't want to be around me. He said it's not true, he just needs his time too sometimes, which I totally get- but why is it that he only needs his "me-time" when I'm home? I work Saturdays and he's off all day- why isn't that his me-time? Or the two and a half hours he has every day before I get home? And I know he will waltz in probably at 7:30, 3 hours after he left, and look at me like I'm being a totally ridiculous hormonal bitch.
I told DH I got two 2-hour chunks of sleep last night and his first (and continuing) response was that his sleep must get interrupted when I get up to deal with LO and that is why he is tired all the time. He just went and took a nap and came back and said it must "seem" like he gets more sleep than I do, but since it is interrupted it doesn't count as more. Um. Yes, dude. When you get up 2+ hours later than I do, and go to bed when I do, and do not get up and stay up with LO or pregsomnia, you, for a fact, get more sleep than I do. Ready to throttle him.
Long story short, I don't particularly like DH's parents. I'll play nice to a degree when they visit but I don't talk to them when DH and the kids Skype with them or really any other time. We've had our times when we get along but, overall, they're not my cup of tea and they really get under my skin (or I guess I allow them to get under my skin). When they were here at the beginning of the year, MIL asked when we wanted them to come down to see the babies. I was very honest and told her that it would probably be best to wait a few weeks because it's important to me to get our new family dynamic at least somewhat established before having out-of-state visitors. I later realized what a horrid idea that was. DH works overnights and sleeps during the day while DS1 and DD1 are at school. That means that I would feel like I had to entertain my in-laws all day in addition to taking care of two infants. So DH talked to them and suggested that they come down while I was in the hospital so they could help with DS1 and DD1. Great. I'm just hoping that they'll go back home before I get out of the hospital or at least within a day of me getting out.
I had been thinking about all of this today and decided, if everything works out the way that we want it to, I'd like to take the day before the scheduled c-section and spend it with DH, DS and DD all day, just the 4 of us. Swimming, maybe a movie or going to the park, having dinner out, etc. I brought this up to DH. I told him that I was telling him this because this might be something that he wants to mention to his parents. I don't know when they'll be coming in to town but I'll assume it'll be a day or 2 before the c-section and I'd like it to be understood that that will be a day for the 4 of us only. I'm just trying to avoid surprises. About a month ago I also brought up to him that he needed ensure that his parents knew that they would not be able to be at the hospital the day that the babies are born and I reiterated that to him today. Again, our family dynamic is completely changing. And my family is what is most important to me in the entire universe. This is going to effect myself, DH, DS1 and DD1 more than it will his parents or mine, especially considering his parents see us about twice a year and my parents will be moving out of state within the next year so it'll be similar with them too. So I want to ensure that DS1 and DD1 have time with their brother and sister before anyone else does. It's just that important to me.
I'm aware that he isn't happy about it. And he expressed that today. Not in a mean way but in a way that shows that he surely doesn't support my way of thinking on this. Call me a b*tch, that's fine, but I put my foot down. I flat out told him that I'm the one going through major surgery to give birth to two babies, I'm the one that will have to recover from that, I'm the one that is growing to humans in the first place and I'm the one that will have to figure out how to breast feed these two humans again. So damn it I'm putting my foot down and I'm not allowing anyone to come to the hospital the day that they're born outside of DS1 and DD1.
Now I'm just crabby with him. He doesn't have to like it, but I'm not budging. Ok, I'm done now. Sorry so long.
@UnwritteN12 I am completely on your side and I don't think it's that hard for anyone, especially your DH AND his parents to understand your request. I would be so frustrated too. I hope they come around!
@UnwritteN12- I was adamant the first time around about only wanting my husband at the hospital. This time it will be the same and we'll have my parents (hopefully) bring over Emmett to be the next one in. No exceptions. As much as you're both becoming parents again, the day of delivery is 100% you with husband as a support. You make all decisions, no questions asked.
I always firmly say that when you have your own kids they, you and your singificant other are priority #1 and grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends all need to realize that every decision you make is in your core family's best interest (at least how you see it at the time). If there is a problem with in-laws, significant other needs to manage those and you deal with your own. Of course, that's just the way I do things.. but everything you said sounds incredibly reasonable. I LOVE the idea of the 4 of you getting a day together the day before the C-section. I hope my 3 person family will have some special days before little #2
Thanks ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees the importance of having time without extended family. Glad to know I'm not completely crazy over here.
@UnwritteN12 Definitely stick to your guns. And I understand how you feel for sure. DH got it in his head that his entire family (read it, mother, 4 brothers, 2 sisters, plus 3 SO's and 3 nieces/nephews) would be welcome at the hospital the day of and there right after the birth. Um no. Not happening. I put my foot down. I said absolutely no one, save the two of us, his mother and my mother are welcome within the 24 hours I've given birth, it's not happening. They can all visit the next day, although I don't know where he has it in his head that all of his siblings who are scattered across the country are going to fly out here just to see the baby, that's what Skype is for. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all; boundaries need to be set. I would have liked it to be just my mom in there within that 24 hour period, which DH may have been ok with given that neither of us is particularly happy with his mother right now, but I didn't push it.
@UnwritteN12 I feel for you, sister. My husband announced that his mom would be here (from several states away) when I have the baby. Um, what?!?! Did you think about asking ME? I, too, am not the biggest fan of my MIL. I hate to be a jerk, but I want time with my little family before I have to play nice with others. We'll have a lot to figure out.
Sometimes I understand why black widows do what they do...
@UnwritteN12@pilotswifey My in-laws will be coming from Florida. I'm nervous that they're going to completely overwhelm and overpower me. I feel similar fear with my own parents.
We joke that MIL is never going to leave when baby comes, but it's getting to be time to talk to DH about it. Fortunately FIL is very sensitive to not overwhelming us or overstaying hospitality anywhere, so I'm thinking he'll take care of a lot of her energy. (MIL is very nice and respectful, but she sucks my energy like a sieve)
On a recent visit I informed my mom and MIL that the only person who will be in the delivery room with me is DH. They weren't thrilled about that but I stayed firm and told them that I'm just not comfortable with anyone but DH seeing me like that. They accepted it in the end. I'm letting them come to the hospital, but plan to give it some time before I let them in the room. DH and I talked and he is prepared to enforce the boundaries I've set.
Still, as a FTM, I'm expecting something undiscussed or unplanned will happen. I'm just hoping that DH and I will handle it well
DH is stuck on the idea of me having a c-section for some reason. Like, he wants me to have one.
He keeps saying he's done "research" and has found that it's the best way. He says my recovery will be shorter, I'll be in less pain (as if I'm not going to have my abdominal muscles sliced open; my laparoscopic appendectomy was horrible in spite of my very high pain tolerance, which I still have no explanation for other than my doctor saying thin people tend to have a harder recovery) and that it'll just be "better" in general. Also, it would be more convenient, especially if we could schedule it in advance. We might even be able to pick our doctor for the delivery that way (my OB's office has three doctors; one I love, one I like and one I'm not crazy about)!
I don't think he actually means to be pushing me. He's just convinced he's right and wants me to have a come-to-Jesus moment where I understand the wisdom of what he's "learned" on the internet.
I know there's a possibility I'll have to have one (and I'm not going to refuse or make a fuss if that's the case) or that one baby will be born vaginally and the other by c-section (which would suck, but I have to try to do it vaginally if Baby A continues to be in position for it, because a vaginal birth is my preference). I'm not arguing that point, but this is insanity. I can't believe I'm having this argument/discussion with him multiple times.
I love him, but he has a tendency to decide that he's right about things and refuse to back down. I don't think it's going to cause any actual issues when I'm in labor and I'm pretty sure he'll give up his campaign soon enough, but it's frustrating as hell in the meantime.
@MojieJo - Ugh. I'm sorry. It can be so frustrating when someone (even your DH) thinks they know what's better for you than anyone else. I applaud him for having your best interests at heart but I'd be upset too!
I don't get a choice this time around. But you better believe that with DS/DD I was set on a vaginal birth, natural if possible! And I do know that there are plenty of twin moms that have been able to have their babies vaginally vs. having a c-section. From experience (again, the only experience I have) healing from a c-section is no piece of cake! I could only pick up so much weight-wise. I was lucky that somewhere around 15 pounds was the limit because there were lots of times that I needed to carry both of the babies and they were less than 15 lbs. together. Also I had some minor problems with my incision healing. Let's face it, either way, you're going to have some healing to do!
In the end, I'd remind him that (and I'm sure he knows this but maybe just needs a gentle reminder sometimes) just because you schedule a c-section doesn't mean your boys are going to listen. They're going to come when they're good and ready, hopefully not prior to the c-section but you know as well as I do that it's always a possibility.
I know that this whole thing comes from a good place and that he's not trying to upset me, so that does help. He usually has good intentions when things like this happen.
I just wish he understood that it's not like having a c-section is some sort of magical solution to the issues of recovery after birth. I keep telling him that my biggest concern is that I'll have a limit on how much weight I can lift, which is going to impair how well I'm going to be able to care for the boys when I'm alone. I know it'll be possible to care for them, but I'd rather not have major abdominal surgery and then have to bend and lift on a regular basis soon after.
I healed very well from my appendectomy except for some slight separation in one of my incisions (you can't even see the scars from the other two), but it was a very painful experience and I had problems even lifting the sanctioned amount of weight. And that was only three small incisions, not one large one that two babies have been pulled through.
I need to work on getting him to understand the whole "scheduled not guaranteed" thing.
He also seems to have it in his head that it would be completely fine if they were born prematurely (even by twin standards). Granted, they could be, but it's certainly not the ideal outcome. He's said more than once that he was hoping they'd arrive toward the end of July or very beginning of August because it would be more convenient for us and they'd be fine.
He's starting to understand that they need to stay put longer than that, if they can, but I'm not sure he really gets it yet. He's more or less accepted the 37 week date, at least. The thought of them cooking longer and going to 38+ weeks seems to be an issue for him, though (again, I think it's misplaced concern for me, since he's afraid I'm going to be too big to be able to care for myself).
I think it's a mix of ignorance (understandable in a first-time dad who's never really been around babies) and well-intentioned, but misplaced, concern all around. That and nerves.
Fiance texted me "Honey I got some bad news today" My heart stopped, everything from he lost his job to someone died to god knows what went through my mind. He texted back "I have to work on Saturday"
JHFAU)OJREAGU. Thats mediocre news! He has to work on Saturdays pretty regularly....we didn't have plans or anything!
Last night while cooking dinner DH grabs my butt and then says "Hey! Your actually getting an ass with this one!" Uhhh thanks hun? Glad you are enjoying my weight gain with this pregnancy lol
@Megan324- ugh, what a stupid text. A couple weeks back my husband called me at work, because he wanted to know if I wanted to go to a Red Sox game in June.. but moreso (because he knew it would be a real production to go to a game on a weeknight while we have a 1 year old at home and I'm preserving time off as much as I can) he was asking if HE could go to a Red Sox game in June. We text during the day.. it's pretty rare that we call each other at work so as the phone was ringing and I saw him name I was already breaking out into a sweat. Had daycare called? Did someone get hurt? Did something happen at his job?
He claimed he just wanted to make sure I got it because he needed to tell his dad how many tickets to get. My text response team is probably within 1 minute 90% of the time. Ridiculous.
Re: Significant Others: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!
I have a short come to Jesus with him last night, saying I know how frustrating work can be, but you carry our health insurance and I carry our child, and we cannot afford any of this on my salary. He eventually relents. Of course he needs to suck it up for awhile, at least until he could find a comparable job, and of course he can't be job-hopping now.
Fast forward to today, during which he is preparing for a Very Important Presentation for the directors of his company this afternoon. He sends me a message this morning saying he had a huge blowout with his boss and either walked out or got sent home, and he's not sure what's going to happen. He is now home taking a nap while I am at my own Very Stressful Job trying not to run home and murder him.
@luv4LO I feel you. I would like to go set his blankets on fire right about now..
We had him circumcised and although I'm familiar with circumcised penises, I was still concerned during the healing process because, well, it's a bit much. At one point I asked my husband (who is also circumcised) "Does everything look alright down there to you?" To which he replied "Yeah, it looks exactly like mine!"
I literally fell off the couch laughing that night. Just the idea that this infant's little 1 inch long penis looks exactly like my husbands was too much to handle. He looked at me in confusion and finally said "Oh come on! A lot smaller... it's just.. you know what I meant!!"
@UnwritteN12 @SarahMConnors @AnnaS930 @Thscary @SLou24
I just want to gush because I was super proud of him for calmly saying "I'm too angry to talk about this right now, can we drop it and pick it up later?" My husband has always had the tendency to be a "bull in a china shop" when he argues (a very well meaning bull, but a bull none-the-less), he's loud, he doesn't stop pushing until it's "resolved," he lays on all the issues all at once, goes off the point, goes on the attack, etc. We've been working on how to better deal with conflict for a long time, and I was just so shocked that he was able to so calmly recognize that he was hitting his boiling point and needed a break before he said something hurtful that he didn't mean.
We were able to talk about it the issue later, and though it's not 100% completely resolved yet, we were both able to come to a better understanding of the other person's thought process and perspective. A year ago I would be sitting her sulking and feeling hurt by my husband, but today I'm just all
It's super beneficial to make improvements and continuously move forward in a marriage.
Edited to add: And good for you! For being patient and coming back to the issue. I don't like to drop things so I'd have a hard time seeing the good in letting an issue go for a better headspace to discuss it in!
@UnwritteN12 - Thanks! I'm super proud of him (and us!) too!
"I just try to help out as much as you do, which is impossible since you keep this house running. I just try to contribute a little haha"
Man, he's right! hahahaa, I really do keep the house running but I work 4 days a week while he works 5 and I am a busy body, so sitting still is not an option. Feels REALLY nice to get some recognition for busting my butt. I love him so much!
I am, of course, glossing over the fact that our apartment is in a dirty downward spiral because I've been working extra hours too, and the time he's home during the day he's exhausted and has no energy to do anything- and I'm the same when I get home.
Now the bad. Today was DH's first day off after working overnight shifts all week. I've been telling him how much I miss him and how I can't wait to get time with him. I got out of work early today and came home. All he wanted to do was watch some BS show he likes. Whatever. Then he decided to order out. Fine by me. I asked him if he's calling it in or if he's ordering it there. At first he said calling it in, then he said he wanted to order it there so they don't mess it up. I offered to go with him, and he said no he would be right back. I made a semi-joke about how he won't be back till 8, and he said "oh stop it." He left at 4:30, it's now been over 2 hours. I texted him and said "Wow, they really do take forever" and he writes back that it's his fault, he made a friend there. So instead of spending time with me, his pregnant wife, he is out at an effing bar spending time with some random person he just met? UGH! Every time he goes to pick up food, he takes forever. AND he gets home from work earlier than me usually- he waits till about a half hour before I get home to go run errands, and takes forever. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't want to be around me. He said it's not true, he just needs his time too sometimes, which I totally get- but why is it that he only needs his "me-time" when I'm home? I work Saturdays and he's off all day- why isn't that his me-time? Or the two and a half hours he has every day before I get home? And I know he will waltz in probably at 7:30, 3 hours after he left, and look at me like I'm being a totally ridiculous hormonal bitch.
Long story short, I don't particularly like DH's parents. I'll play nice to a degree when they visit but I don't talk to them when DH and the kids Skype with them or really any other time. We've had our times when we get along but, overall, they're not my cup of tea and they really get under my skin (or I guess I allow them to get under my skin). When they were here at the beginning of the year, MIL asked when we wanted them to come down to see the babies. I was very honest and told her that it would probably be best to wait a few weeks because it's important to me to get our new family dynamic at least somewhat established before having out-of-state visitors. I later realized what a horrid idea that was. DH works overnights and sleeps during the day while DS1 and DD1 are at school. That means that I would feel like I had to entertain my in-laws all day in addition to taking care of two infants. So DH talked to them and suggested that they come down while I was in the hospital so they could help with DS1 and DD1. Great. I'm just hoping that they'll go back home before I get out of the hospital or at least within a day of me getting out.
I had been thinking about all of this today and decided, if everything works out the way that we want it to, I'd like to take the day before the scheduled c-section and spend it with DH, DS and DD all day, just the 4 of us. Swimming, maybe a movie or going to the park, having dinner out, etc. I brought this up to DH. I told him that I was telling him this because this might be something that he wants to mention to his parents. I don't know when they'll be coming in to town but I'll assume it'll be a day or 2 before the c-section and I'd like it to be understood that that will be a day for the 4 of us only. I'm just trying to avoid surprises. About a month ago I also brought up to him that he needed ensure that his parents knew that they would not be able to be at the hospital the day that the babies are born and I reiterated that to him today. Again, our family dynamic is completely changing. And my family is what is most important to me in the entire universe. This is going to effect myself, DH, DS1 and DD1 more than it will his parents or mine, especially considering his parents see us about twice a year and my parents will be moving out of state within the next year so it'll be similar with them too. So I want to ensure that DS1 and DD1 have time with their brother and sister before anyone else does. It's just that important to me.
I'm aware that he isn't happy about it. And he expressed that today. Not in a mean way but in a way that shows that he surely doesn't support my way of thinking on this. Call me a b*tch, that's fine, but I put my foot down. I flat out told him that I'm the one going through major surgery to give birth to two babies, I'm the one that will have to recover from that, I'm the one that is growing to humans in the first place and I'm the one that will have to figure out how to breast feed these two humans again. So damn it I'm putting my foot down and I'm not allowing anyone to come to the hospital the day that they're born outside of DS1 and DD1.
Now I'm just crabby with him. He doesn't have to like it, but I'm not budging. Ok, I'm done now. Sorry so long.
I always firmly say that when you have your own kids they, you and your singificant other are priority #1 and grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends all need to realize that every decision you make is in your core family's best interest (at least how you see it at the time). If there is a problem with in-laws, significant other needs to manage those and you deal with your own. Of course, that's just the way I do things.. but everything you said sounds incredibly reasonable. I LOVE the idea of the 4 of you getting a day together the day before the C-section. I hope my 3 person family will have some special days before little #2
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all; boundaries need to be set. I would have liked it to be just my mom in there within that 24 hour period, which DH may have been ok with given that neither of us is particularly happy with his mother right now, but I didn't push it.
Sometimes I understand why black widows do what they do...
We joke that MIL is never going to leave when baby comes, but it's getting to be time to talk to DH about it. Fortunately FIL is very sensitive to not overwhelming us or overstaying hospitality anywhere, so I'm thinking he'll take care of a lot of her energy. (MIL is very nice and respectful, but she sucks my energy like a sieve)
On a recent visit I informed my mom and MIL that the only person who will be in the delivery room with me is DH. They weren't thrilled about that but I stayed firm and told them that I'm just not comfortable with anyone but DH seeing me like that. They accepted it in the end. I'm letting them come to the hospital, but plan to give it some time before I let them in the room. DH and I talked and he is prepared to enforce the boundaries I've set.
Still, as a FTM, I'm expecting something undiscussed or unplanned will happen. I'm just hoping that DH and I will handle it well
DH is stuck on the idea of me having a c-section for some reason. Like, he wants me to have one.
He keeps saying he's done "research" and has found that it's the best way. He says my recovery will be shorter, I'll be in less pain (as if I'm not going to have my abdominal muscles sliced open; my laparoscopic appendectomy was horrible in spite of my very high pain tolerance, which I still have no explanation for other than my doctor saying thin people tend to have a harder recovery) and that it'll just be "better" in general. Also, it would be more convenient, especially if we could schedule it in advance. We might even be able to pick our doctor for the delivery that way (my OB's office has three doctors; one I love, one I like and one I'm not crazy about)!
I don't think he actually means to be pushing me. He's just convinced he's right and wants me to have a come-to-Jesus moment where I understand the wisdom of what he's "learned" on the internet.
I know there's a possibility I'll have to have one (and I'm not going to refuse or make a fuss if that's the case) or that one baby will be born vaginally and the other by c-section (which would suck, but I have to try to do it vaginally if Baby A continues to be in position for it, because a vaginal birth is my preference). I'm not arguing that point, but this is insanity. I can't believe I'm having this argument/discussion with him multiple times.
I love him, but he has a tendency to decide that he's right about things and refuse to back down. I don't think it's going to cause any actual issues when I'm in labor and I'm pretty sure he'll give up his campaign soon enough, but it's frustrating as hell in the meantime.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
I don't get a choice this time around. But you better believe that with DS/DD I was set on a vaginal birth, natural if possible! And I do know that there are plenty of twin moms that have been able to have their babies vaginally vs. having a c-section. From experience (again, the only experience I have) healing from a c-section is no piece of cake! I could only pick up so much weight-wise. I was lucky that somewhere around 15 pounds was the limit because there were lots of times that I needed to carry both of the babies and they were less than 15 lbs. together. Also I had some minor problems with my incision healing. Let's face it, either way, you're going to have some healing to do!
In the end, I'd remind him that (and I'm sure he knows this but maybe just needs a gentle reminder sometimes) just because you schedule a c-section doesn't mean your boys are going to listen. They're going to come when they're good and ready, hopefully not prior to the c-section but you know as well as I do that it's always a possibility.
I know that this whole thing comes from a good place and that he's not trying to upset me, so that does help. He usually has good intentions when things like this happen.
I just wish he understood that it's not like having a c-section is some sort of magical solution to the issues of recovery after birth. I keep telling him that my biggest concern is that I'll have a limit on how much weight I can lift, which is going to impair how well I'm going to be able to care for the boys when I'm alone. I know it'll be possible to care for them, but I'd rather not have major abdominal surgery and then have to bend and lift on a regular basis soon after.
I healed very well from my appendectomy except for some slight separation in one of my incisions (you can't even see the scars from the other two), but it was a very painful experience and I had problems even lifting the sanctioned amount of weight. And that was only three small incisions, not one large one that two babies have been pulled through.
I need to work on getting him to understand the whole "scheduled not guaranteed" thing.
He also seems to have it in his head that it would be completely fine if they were born prematurely (even by twin standards). Granted, they could be, but it's certainly not the ideal outcome. He's said more than once that he was hoping they'd arrive toward the end of July or very beginning of August because it would be more convenient for us and they'd be fine.
He's starting to understand that they need to stay put longer than that, if they can, but I'm not sure he really gets it yet. He's more or less accepted the 37 week date, at least. The thought of them cooking longer and going to 38+ weeks seems to be an issue for him, though (again, I think it's misplaced concern for me, since he's afraid I'm going to be too big to be able to care for myself).
I think it's a mix of ignorance (understandable in a first-time dad who's never really been around babies) and well-intentioned, but misplaced, concern all around. That and nerves.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
My heart stopped, everything from he lost his job to someone died to god knows what went through my mind.
He texted back "I have to work on Saturday"
JHFAU)OJREAGU.
Thats mediocre news! He has to work on Saturdays pretty regularly....we didn't have plans or anything!
Pregnant Megan got really mad lol
He claimed he just wanted to make sure I got it because he needed to tell his dad how many tickets to get. My text response team is probably within 1 minute 90% of the time. Ridiculous.