So many different stories in here! I have never been to a co-ed self thrown shower. My friend threw me a shower and my mom's friend threw as Sip-n-See after DS born.
I don't see anyone offering it throw me a shower or sprinkle this time as DS is still so young and we have all the baby things.
It makes me sad that some of you gals never had a shower or didn't enjoy yours. But I am certain that all the N16 babies will be cherished whether they are showered or not.
Side story unrelated but too funny to not share: I went to the shower of a girl I was friends with in high school and not thereafter. She threw herself one and begged me to come after I ran into her at a store.
I spent a ton on clothes because I knew she was struggling and baby clothes are cute, squee. So I go, and pull into the driveway, she's belly out to here and popping Vicodin. I ask her, "uhhh are you okay? Is that okay?" and she goes, "Yeah I have to take 2 because I overdid it cleaning up my house for the shower." ..... insert side eye here.
Then, I swear to God this is 100% true, halfway through the baby shower there's a knock at the door. It was incredibly awkward when I turned my head as I'm sitting on her couch and I'm suddenly staring into the hairy navel of a grown ass man in an adult diaper, curly blonde wig and giant baby bottle in hand. It was her SO's buddy showing up the all female shower as a gag. Except it wasn't funny, no one laughed and he didn't understand that maybe it wasn't working out like he planned and he should back away slowly.
I gagged alright. I stayed 5 minutes after that (it was so incredibly awkward) and then as I left, I see the Mom to be, puffing away on a cigarette in her driveway, waving me off. Never again.
I don't get people being so determined to have a shower they'd throw one of their own. I'd rather go without. I'd be so embarrassed. I'm a little self-conscious about not having a lot of close friends around here and I feel like that would just bring more attention to that and just be sad.
I've moved away from most of my close friends and family so I've already accepted that I may not have a shower and that's okay. I didn't really have a bridal shower either- sort of had a joint one with another bride of one of H's coworkers because we were getting married a month apart. I still found it to be awkward. Even jointly, I don't love all the attention. I'd kind of prefer a sip-n-see so the attention is more on baby.
Of course we hope to get gifts since baby stuff is expensive but even if you don't have a shower, people will probably send gifts and congratulations at some point anyway. And even if they don't, well, it's my baby and I'm prepared to get my own crap.
LFAF/Nov 16 challenge: Bad TV moms that shouldn't be celebrated
BFP #1 10/30/15 MMC found 11/30/15 D&C 12/11/15 EDD 7/9/16
healing comes in waves, and maybe today the wave hits the rocks and that’s ok, that’s ok, darling. you are still healing, you are still healing- Ijeoma Umebinyuo, be gentle with yourself BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
We threw our own as well but that's not uncommon in my family at all. Actually - we all throw our own 1st baby shower but it's because we make such a big deal out of them. We throw showers more as a celebration of life rather than it being a traditional shower thing. We don't really do games and they are always co-ed. We usually rent a hall and have liquor and tons of food and a family DJ (it's a party) so basically we never expect anyone to put out that kind of money because it adds up when you have approx. 80-100 guest. Grandparents and the babies Godparents usually contribute some but most of the expense falls to the Parents to Be.
I'm sure this will get a lot of brows raised but when you grow up and everyone you know has done it that way you really don't think anything of it when you throw your own. It wasn't until I was older and started getting invited to co-workers and my "American" friends showers that I realized the way "we" do it isn't common lol.
This time we won't be throwing one since it's our 2nd.
Just wondering where you're from?! I'm friends with a lot of women who are originally from the Dominican Republic and I was AMAZED the first time I went to one of their baby showers. They're basically like weddings as you described - co-Ed, semi-formal to formal dress, in a hall with a sit down dinner, and the couples tend to host the parties themselves. I'm one of the "American" friends so this was not something I was used to at all but my friends tell me that in their culture of they don't have a baby shower like the above its very frowned upon.
In the area/culture I grew up on, hosting your own shower would be seen as poor etiquette. Folks in my extended family/community have even been known to balk at the idea of things like diaper raffles or "books instead of cards" because they're old fashioned and don't believe in placing any "demands" upon guests. But really, every culture/area is different so just go with what works for your people.
Funny southern shower anecdote... A family friend's daughter, Katie, was divorced after a very brief marriage and she remarried someone of another race. My mom and her somewhat old-fashioned friends were the "shower committee" for her baby shower so I went early with my mom to set-up. At one point during the shower set-up, I heard the ladies saying how "Katie's mother must be so embarrassed!" I asked my mom what they were talking about, and it wasn't about the divorce, it wasn't about the interracial marriage, but it was because she requested a diaper raffle. How. Dare. She.
Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013! Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
Someone will need to explain "diaper raffle," please. Because the term would suggest that guests win diapers and I'm sure that's not the case...
If you bring a pack of diapers (in addition to a gift) then you are entered into a raffle to win a "prize" like a candle or spa basket or something. The prize is provided by the hostess.
Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013! Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
@muybuenoAs I understand it, you bring diapers to enter the raffle. So each pack you bring counts as a "ticket" for the raffle, and then they do the raffle and there's a prize. I've never been to a shower that had one though.
@sweetlyuntied I'm Puerto Rican and my husband is Dominican. Since both our cultures share the same "tradition" we had no problem when it came to throwing our own shower. It's exactly as you described - a party. I don't get upset when people side eye our choice because it really is a cultural thing and not frowned upon at all for us...as you said it's basically what's expected.
I'm glad you got to experience one...did you have fun?
I would never throw my own. I will also decline a shower this time. I had a fabulous shower two years ago and everyone was very generous. I would feel like an a-hole expecting them to do it again. If they insist on buying me something, I'll let them buy a pack of diapers.
I'm Jewish and we don't do baby showers. It's considered very bad luck to even buy things before the baby comes. I expect my husband and his dad to buy the crib and car seat while I am in the hospital :-!
Same here. I actually love the fact that we don't do this. I HATED wedding showers. The last thing I want to do is watch another person open 100 gifts for three hours. Instead, we send a gift to the home after the baby is born. That way you know 1) that the baby was actually born and 2) what the person needs. I think that if you've bought gifts for others in th past, they will probably send one to you at some point regardless of whether there is a shower or not.
I'm Jewish and we don't do baby showers. It's considered very bad luck to even buy things before the baby comes. I expect my husband and his dad to buy the crib and car seat while I am in the hospital :-!
Same here. I actually love the fact that we don't do this. I HATED wedding showers. The last thing I want to do is watch another person open 100 gifts for three hours. Instead, we send a gift to the home after the baby is born. That way you know 1) that the baby was actually born and 2) what the person needs. I think that if you've bought gifts for others in th past, they will probably send one to you at some point regardless of whether there is a shower or not.
I had to ask my Jewish husband about this. I've never heard of it and every single one of his cousins have had baby showers. His response, "I've never heard of it. Everyone I know has had baby showers didn't know that was a thing for some people. Meh, makes sense we are a superstitious people I mean there are Jews that spit on people to ward off evil so what do I know." He's super helpful when it comes to his culture.
Throwing your own shower is classless and tacky. They're a gift, not a right....as much as it would be sad to not have one, you're basically asking people for gifts.
Also, I'm team no second shower. I mean, super extenuating circumstances, like 15 years and a cross country move or something? Sure. But how many times can you hit up (most likely) the same people for gifts?
i can't get out of a sprinkle this time, although it makes me feel awkward and weird. My daughter is 2. I told my sister VERY small, and I'm not registering or anything like that. I want it to be clear that we are celebrating the baby to be and gifts are totally optional.
Oh this is also off topic but once I was invited to an out-of-town shower (red flag #1, they knew I couldn't come) and the invitation stated that instead of games, we would be assembling furniture for the baby! Andplusalso, bring a book instead of a card, of course.
I mean really??? Was I also going to get to install a car seat?
Judge Judy judges you....
Eta: I still sent a gift. Because manners.
Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013! Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
Oh this is also off topic but once I was invited to an out-of-town shower (red flag #1, they knew I couldn't come) and the invitation stated that instead of games, we would be assembling furniture for the baby! Andplusalso, bring a book instead of a card, of course.
I mean really??? Was I also going to get to install a car seat?
Judge Judy judges you....
Eta: I still sent a gift. Because manners.
I always get the "you're fire department right? Aren't you guys trained to install car seats?" Umm no we aren't. Can you say lawsuit?
One of my DH's cousins that lives in a different state than us, had her fourth last year. All the kids are under the age of 8, so close together in age.
So, for her fourth, she created an online Amazon registry and created a shower invite on Facebook, with the link to the registry. NO ACTUAL PARTY...it was an online baby shower...that she threw herself. The only purpose was to buy gifts...for her fourth baby. I know they were struggling financially at the time, but I couldn't stomach it. It still just rubs me the wrong way, to this day.
28 years old. Married 5 years. DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech) Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
@sweetlyuntied I'm Puerto Rican and my husband is Dominican. Since both our cultures share the same "tradition" we had no problem when it came to throwing our own shower. It's exactly as you described - a party. I don't get upset when people side eye our choice because it really is a cultural thing and not frowned upon at all for us...as you said it's basically what's expected.
I'm glad you got to experience one...did you have fun?
Oh my Gosh it was the best shower I've ever been to!
The only purpose was to buy gifts...for her fourth baby. I know they were struggling financially at the time, but I couldn't stomach it. It still just rubs me the wrong way, to this day.
This just irritates me. You should know how babies are made after that many, that baby was not an 'accident'. If you can't afford to have more kids then Don't!
Subject of second showers, I had a beautiful shower Hosted by my mother, but organized/thrown by my sister-in-law for baby number 1. But I wouldn't turn down a second shower, because my side of the family is on the East Coast and they were the attendees at the last shower, but my H's family is on the west coast (where we are moving) and none of them attended the shower (although obviously his immediate family all sent gifts).
If we weren't moving but someone offered to throw me another shower, I would probably decline. I would feel awkward. But I suck at "center of attention" type things.
As an introvert, the thought of throwing myself a shower is horrifying!!! I would be mortified.
I do feel awful for women who don't have a network of friends that want to throw them a shower. But maybe in some cases they do have friends planning a surprise shower and they just don't know?
Me: 38 l DH: 41 Gavin - 8/27/10 *TW* Gabriel - 2nd tri loss 5/17/16 Trisomy 18 & 21 Hope - 2nd tri loss 12/7/16 complications from pneumonia
@sweetlyuntied I'm Puerto Rican and my husband is Dominican. Since both our cultures share the same "tradition" we had no problem when it came to throwing our own shower. It's exactly as you described - a party. I don't get upset when people side eye our choice because it really is a cultural thing and not frowned upon at all for us...as you said it's basically what's expected.
I'm glad you got to experience one...did you have fun?
Oh my Gosh it was the best shower I've ever been to!
In retrospect, I feel bad for my Domincan friends who came to my shower because it must have been the most boring thing ever to them.
So thankful for this post. I had no idea you were not supposed to throw your own. I'm younger so all the people I know who have had babies were teenagers and they all threw their own. I never thought anything of it. I was just under the impression that all baby showers were gift grabby and that's how it's supposed to be. Will not be throwing my own.
Honestly it's all gift grabby, and I agree that that's the point. I regret not being more involved in the planning of my bridal shower because it ended up being a bit of a mess, as it wasmostly planned by my little sister who doesn't have experience with wedding etiquette. Nbd just... Could have been better. I'm probably planning my shower although my mom and sister will be "throwing" it, just so I can avoid cringey things this time around. ... I also find it interesting that the people who use phrases like "gift grabby" and "attention whore" are the ones who hire professional photographers for their Facebook pregnancy announcements, and have multiple celebrations (gender reveal, shower, blowout first birthday). No shade to anyone in particular, but I just think it must involve some real cognitive dissonance. That said, you guys do you. Just like engagements and weddings, everyone is going to tell you you're doing pregnancy wrong anyway.
@sweetlyuntied lol Yes they are fun. I'm sure they weren't bored at yours at all. I actually enjoy the "calmness" of traditional showers. They are different than ours but very nice.
I'm Jewish and we don't do baby showers. It's considered very bad luck to even buy things before the baby comes. I expect my husband and his dad to buy the crib and car seat while I am in the hospital :-!
Same here. I actually love the fact that we don't do this. I HATED wedding showers. The last thing I want to do is watch another person open 100 gifts for three hours. Instead, we send a gift to the home after the baby is born. That way you know 1) that the baby was actually born and 2) what the person needs. I think that if you've bought gifts for others in th past, they will probably send one to you at some point regardless of whether there is a shower or not.
I had to ask my Jewish husband about this. I've never heard of it and every single one of his cousins have had baby showers. His response, "I've never heard of it. Everyone I know has had baby showers didn't know that was a thing for some people. Meh, makes sense we are a superstitious people I mean there are Jews that spit on people to ward off evil so what do I know." He's super helpful when it comes to his culture.
So here is the deal. This is largely dependent on where your family came from pre-Holocaust. The Holocaust colors Eastern-European Jews experience of everything. There is an ingrained cultural worry that something will go wrong and that life can be swept a away from you in an instant. So anything that is unknown is also uncelebrated until its culmination. So if your ancestry is sephardic or iranian or something else, the rituals tend to change slightly. But this is also community dependent and so even if youre eastern-european, each community is a little different. Where I live, its not done. I know people in other areas who have done it.
I always get the "you're fire department right? Aren't you guys trained to install car seats?" Umm no we aren't. Can you say lawsuit?
All the fire departments around here encourage parents to come in and have their car seat installation checked. And then they help you install it correctly if you've done it incorrectly.
DX PCOS Jan 2012 IUI #1 Feb 2012= DS1 born 11/2012 Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle)=DS2 born 9/2014 Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle again)= EDD 11/2016
I always get the "you're fire department right? Aren't you guys trained to install car seats?" Umm no we aren't. Can you say lawsuit?
All the fire departments around here encourage parents to come in and have their car seat installation checked. And then they help you install it correctly if you've done it incorrectly.
Ours used to, but they don't anymore.
Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013! Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
I always get the "you're fire department right? Aren't you guys trained to install car seats?" Umm no we aren't. Can you say lawsuit?
All the fire departments around here encourage parents to come in and have their car seat installation checked. And then they help you install it correctly if you've done it incorrectly.
Ours used to, but they don't anymore.
Yes ours used to as well however people would take them out, put them back in wrong and then get in an accident and we're trying to sue us. Now I will only help close friends. This day and age I am considering even having those people sign a release of liability!
Only a trained tech can help install a car seat. Not all fire departments or police departments have them. You have to call first and ask for a CPST. Those are the only people who can legally, professionally, and correctly install a car seat for you.
My ex sil threw her own party for each of her 10!!!!!! Kids and basically started over each time. Her sisters name was on the invites as host but I recognized her handiwork early on. It was really embarrassing each time. Only the first 6 were my brothers and I moved out of state after number 3 so I didn't go to the rest. This experience alone has made me anxious about showers and repeat showers. This is number 2 for us. When ds was born we didn't really have any family or friends in the area. Now we are close to family and friends. I anticipate my DH's sisters and mom wanting to throw a party of some sort.
Like many others have said, I believe that throwing/hosting your own shower is tacky. I do also feel sad for those that don't have a group of friends or close-ish relatives offering to throw them a shower. In either instance, no shower is not the end of the world in my eyes, but to some maybe they just have to have one.
Since this will be our first, and I've already had a handful of friends mention it (without even knowing I'm KTFU), I assume I'll have one thrown for me in Sept or Oct. My wish is that it's no larger than my bridal shower, and I think there were 30 people or less there. I'd really like to keep it to my closer friends and family. I do know that my in-laws will want to show the baby off to all their friends, so I'm going to suggest that they host some sort of a sip-n-see over the holidays, at their home, when I'm feeling up for it.
Also, I really don't get with the whole diaper raffle thing. I mean, it seems like which diapers you use and prefer is a personal choice and a diaper raffle would just leave you with a bunch of random packs of diapers potentially (or is the preferred brand specified on the invites? If so, that's almost worst and VERY gift-grabby)? That and I just don't agree with the whole "bring an additional gift to maybe win a prize" thing.
Ugh. All of these things make me want to not tell anyone I'm pregnant, having a baby or that I've had a baby until it's a year old and we're on the other side of the "hoopla".
Me: 31, DH: 31 Married: September 2012 Began TTC: September 2015 BFP #1: 10/12/16, EDD: 06/23/15, (pPROM, 16 wks + emergency D&E 12/31/15) BFP #2: 03/09/16, EDD: 11/16/16
Since this seems to be the baby shower thread, does anyone have any advice for how to politely turn down an offer for a baby shower when they know that other people are throwing you one? Right now it's looking like I'm going to have 5 baby showers and I just can't handle that. I had 4 bridal showers and I was so done after that. I was just so uncomfortable. Really 2 would be my limit but I don't know how to turn down wonderful offers from close friends. They would all be in different parts of the country so it's not as easy as just inviting everyone to the other showers so they feel included.
The reason this is happening is because I've moved around a lot and I'm one of those people that really keeps in touch with people when I move away. Maybe I just need to stop that. Lol.
@elsie2014 I had a friend do a similar thing, she had a shower, but then would post things like "there's plenty of things still left on my registry." I know she was starting over on baby things, but it still felt grabby.
I'm all for throwing a party, at any time, whatsoever for whatever reason. A party is a party. If you're willing to plan and pay for food and drinks and all that, then do it! If you want it to be pastel and baby-themed, go for it. I would attend a self-thrown shower, and honestly, I don't think I'd even have the gall to ask who hosted and or planned the party. But, I also think invitations that say things that mention who IS hosting the party to be tacky. Like, umm, alright. You want a cookie for throwing a party or something? The guest of honor should be thankful, but the rest of the guests shouldn't be expected to gush over the host, and it feels just as attenion-whore-ish to do that.
The family members who would offer a shower to me are going to be busy with another family member who is pregnant now and due in October. Her baby is her first and it's after a string of losses, so I think she deserves the family spotlight at this point. But, we do plan to have a "baby-q" (thanks to whoever mentioned that earlier int he discussion. I adore it!) to reveal the baby's sex in July sometime. It will be co-ed and no mention of gifts whatsoever. Depending on how energetic I feel, we might do it around dinner time, then have a fire in our fire pit and stuff. It will definitely be more of a family get-together than anything else, but I will be telling people that we'll be revealing the baby's sex at that time to encourage attendance! LOL
@SRose109 It is one thing to put "RSVP to so and so", especially if a person is trying to throw a surprise shower (which, IMO is an awful decision, but that seems like a whole different topic). I'm thinking of invitations that say things like "Martha Stewart invites you to a shower honoring LaLa Green" or the like. To me, that is just a stupid way for the hostess to take attention and be like "Hey, IIII am the one throwing this shower, aren't I spectacular?"
Not to mention I've also seen invitations that say to RSVP to a hostess or the mom-to-be. I don't assume the mom to be is throwing her own shower, I assume that she talks to her own friends more often than the host and will get an answer more readily.
@mamabear0813I probably wouldn't choose an invite that starts with "Blahblah invites you to..." like it was a wedding invite or something, because a shower is obviously about the mother or parents to be, but I think it's totally appropriate (and actually kinda necessary/polite) to mention who is hosting. It is good etiquette as a guest to thank the host or hostess of the party you've attended before you leave. I've never been to a party that I didn't know who was hosting it. That would be really weird to me.
@mamabear0813I probably wouldn't choose an invite that starts with "Blahblah invites you to..." like it was a wedding invite or something, because a shower is obviously about the mother or parents to be, but I think it's totally appropriate (and actually kinda necessary/polite) to mention who is hosting. It is good etiquette as a guest to thank the host or hostess of the party you've attended before you leave. I've never been to a party that I didn't know who was hosting it. That would be really weird to me.
This. ^
also, it's helpful in case you as the guest would like to reach out to offer some assistance to the host(ess).
The last shower I was invited to she created an event on Facebook and sent out invites. She posted in the event a few times that asked for help cleaning up and then posted what she specifically wanted as gifts. She was registered at 3 different places but added some specific things on the event site. Plus, I was friends the babies aunt, not her. I didn't go.
Re: Throwing your own shower
So many different stories in here! I have never been to a co-ed self thrown shower. My friend threw me a shower and my mom's friend threw as Sip-n-See after DS born.
I don't see anyone offering it throw me a shower or sprinkle this time as DS is still so young and we have all the baby things.
It makes me sad that some of you gals never had a shower or didn't enjoy yours. But I am certain that all the N16 babies will be cherished whether they are showered or not.
That all sounds horrifying.
I've moved away from most of my close friends and family so I've already accepted that I may not have a shower and that's okay. I didn't really have a bridal shower either- sort of had a joint one with another bride of one of H's coworkers because we were getting married a month apart. I still found it to be awkward. Even jointly, I don't love all the attention. I'd kind of prefer a sip-n-see so the attention is more on baby.
Of course we hope to get gifts since baby stuff is expensive but even if you don't have a shower, people will probably send gifts and congratulations at some point anyway. And even if they don't, well, it's my baby and I'm prepared to get my own crap.
BFP #2 3/21 EDD 11/28/16
In the area/culture I grew up on, hosting your own shower would be seen as poor etiquette. Folks in my extended family/community have even been known to balk at the idea of things like diaper raffles or "books instead of cards" because they're old fashioned and don't believe in placing any "demands" upon guests. But really, every culture/area is different so just go with what works for your people.
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
IUI #1 Feb 2012= DS1 born 11/2012
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle)=DS2 born 9/2014
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle again)= EDD 11/2016
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
I'm glad you got to experience one...did you have fun?
Also, I'm team no second shower. I mean, super extenuating circumstances, like 15 years and a cross country move or something? Sure. But how many times can you hit up (most likely) the same people for gifts?
i can't get out of a sprinkle this time, although it makes me feel awkward and weird. My daughter is 2. I told my sister VERY small, and I'm not registering or anything like that. I want it to be clear that we are celebrating the baby to be and gifts are totally optional.
I mean really??? Was I also going to get to install a car seat?
Judge Judy judges you....
Eta: I still sent a gift. Because manners.
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
One of my DH's cousins that lives in a different state than us, had her fourth last year. All the kids are under the age of 8, so close together in age.
So, for her fourth, she created an online Amazon registry and created a shower invite on Facebook, with the link to the registry. NO ACTUAL PARTY...it was an online baby shower...that she threw herself. The only purpose was to buy gifts...for her fourth baby. I know they were struggling financially at the time, but I couldn't stomach it. It still just rubs me the wrong way, to this day.
DD born Oct 2014 via C-Section (footling breech)
Baby #2 (AND #3...SURPRISE!) Due Nov 17, 2016. Found out it was twins at 18+5!
shower Hosted by my mother, but organized/thrown by my sister-in-law for baby number 1. But I wouldn't turn down a second shower, because my side of the family is on the East Coast and they were the attendees at the last shower, but my H's family is on the west coast (where we are moving) and none of them attended the shower (although obviously his immediate family all sent gifts).
If we weren't moving but someone offered to throw me another shower, I would probably decline. I would feel awkward. But I suck at "center of attention" type things.
I do feel awful for women who don't have a network of friends that want to throw them a shower. But maybe in some cases they do have friends planning a surprise shower and they just don't know?
Gavin - 8/27/10
*TW*
Gabriel - 2nd tri loss 5/17/16 Trisomy 18 & 21
Hope - 2nd tri loss 12/7/16 complications from pneumonia
...
I also find it interesting that the people who use phrases like "gift grabby" and "attention whore" are the ones who hire professional photographers for their Facebook pregnancy announcements, and have multiple celebrations (gender reveal, shower, blowout first birthday). No shade to anyone in particular, but I just think it must involve some real cognitive dissonance.
That said, you guys do you. Just like engagements and weddings, everyone is going to tell you you're doing pregnancy wrong anyway.
IUI #1 Feb 2012= DS1 born 11/2012
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle)=DS2 born 9/2014
Unmedicated BFP (first post-weaning cycle again)= EDD 11/2016
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
Only a trained tech can help install a car seat. Not all fire departments or police departments have them. You have to call first and ask for a CPST. Those are the only people who can legally, professionally, and correctly install a car seat for you.
https://cert.safekids.org/find-tech-0
This is number 2 for us. When ds was born we didn't really have any family or friends in the area. Now we are close to family and friends. I anticipate my DH's sisters and mom wanting to throw a party of some sort.
Since this will be our first, and I've already had a handful of friends mention it (without even knowing I'm KTFU), I assume I'll have one thrown for me in Sept or Oct. My wish is that it's no larger than my bridal shower, and I think there were 30 people or less there. I'd really like to keep it to my closer friends and family. I do know that my in-laws will want to show the baby off to all their friends, so I'm going to suggest that they host some sort of a sip-n-see over the holidays, at their home, when I'm feeling up for it.
Also, I really don't get with the whole diaper raffle thing. I mean, it seems like which diapers you use and prefer is a personal choice and a diaper raffle would just leave you with a bunch of random packs of diapers potentially (or is the preferred brand specified on the invites? If so, that's almost worst and VERY gift-grabby)? That and I just don't agree with the whole "bring an additional gift to maybe win a prize" thing.
Ugh. All of these things make me want to not tell anyone I'm pregnant, having a baby or that I've had a baby until it's a year old and we're on the other side of the "hoopla".
Married: September 2012
Began TTC: September 2015
BFP #1: 10/12/16, EDD: 06/23/15,
(pPROM, 16 wks + emergency D&E 12/31/15)
BFP #2: 03/09/16, EDD: 11/16/16
The reason this is happening is because I've moved around a lot and I'm one of those people that really keeps in touch with people when I move away. Maybe I just need to stop that. Lol.
The family members who would offer a shower to me are going to be busy with another family member who is pregnant now and due in October. Her baby is her first and it's after a string of losses, so I think she deserves the family spotlight at this point. But, we do plan to have a "baby-q" (thanks to whoever mentioned that earlier int he discussion. I adore it!) to reveal the baby's sex in July sometime. It will be co-ed and no mention of gifts whatsoever. Depending on how energetic I feel, we might do it around dinner time, then have a fire in our fire pit and stuff. It will definitely be more of a family get-together than anything else, but I will be telling people that we'll be revealing the baby's sex at that time to encourage attendance! LOL
Not to mention I've also seen invitations that say to RSVP to a hostess or the mom-to-be. I don't assume the mom to be is throwing her own shower, I assume that she talks to her own friends more often than the host and will get an answer more readily.
also, it's helpful in case you as the guest would like to reach out to offer some assistance to the host(ess).
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24