March 2016 Moms
arcanejinx
member
Birth Injury/Not how I expected my first few days as a Mom to be *trigger warning*
arcanejinx
member
I really have no place else to talk about this, my DH and I are still reeling two days after a seemingly normal birth that spiraled into our daughter now fighting for her life.
We don't know the cause yet-but something happened and our daughter has hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), and is currently undergoing cooling treatment to help minimize the damage to her brain. We don't know her prognosis yet-I haven't even gotten a chance to hold her. I'm still in hospital (had to have an emerg c-section), and we have 24/7 access to the NICU. The hardest thing for me is I got through this pregnancy by telling myself I will get to hold her in the end, My baby has never been held by her mother, which I'm not handling well.
Both DH and I are stunch atheists so most of the common things people say have really offended us. My mother who is a religious minded person almost lost it at the idea that God has a plan etc-she and my father are doing a great job at keeping well meaning but intrusive extended family away by dealing with them (DH's mom is also doing the same-DH's father who we are estranged from got offended when we posted on FB about not bothering us for a few days and rudely messaged DH about it actually apologized when Tim told him that yes our daughter did suffer from lack of oxygen at birth-and that we won't know her prognosis for days, first time he ever got an apology out of the man). The doctors and nurses who were all on during my birth are all having to take time off because of the trauma. Last night the resident came to speak to us, he even said he thought he'd be prepared when he had a case of this, he assumed there had to be warning signs that he would see, and then it happened. He has a 6 week old. He also can't get the sound of the resuscitation team working on her little body out of his head. I want to be mad at the doctors-but they were there with me-we shared that awful moment, and I can see in all of them how devestated they are.
It's so hard because there is no one to be mad at. I'm trying to focus on my daughter and how strong she is. Every moment she is here is makes me proud. Her fighting spirit keeps me going. She is strong so I will be strong too. All I want to do is hold her and bring her home. I will love her forever, and treasure every moment I have her.
Beatrix Louise. Born April 2 2016, 41 weeks, at 7:32am via c-section.
8lbs 1oz
18.5 inches
Sorry if it's huge. I'm so proud of my warrior, she's perfect-and looks so much like her Dad!
We don't know the cause yet-but something happened and our daughter has hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), and is currently undergoing cooling treatment to help minimize the damage to her brain. We don't know her prognosis yet-I haven't even gotten a chance to hold her. I'm still in hospital (had to have an emerg c-section), and we have 24/7 access to the NICU. The hardest thing for me is I got through this pregnancy by telling myself I will get to hold her in the end, My baby has never been held by her mother, which I'm not handling well.
Both DH and I are stunch atheists so most of the common things people say have really offended us. My mother who is a religious minded person almost lost it at the idea that God has a plan etc-she and my father are doing a great job at keeping well meaning but intrusive extended family away by dealing with them (DH's mom is also doing the same-DH's father who we are estranged from got offended when we posted on FB about not bothering us for a few days and rudely messaged DH about it actually apologized when Tim told him that yes our daughter did suffer from lack of oxygen at birth-and that we won't know her prognosis for days, first time he ever got an apology out of the man). The doctors and nurses who were all on during my birth are all having to take time off because of the trauma. Last night the resident came to speak to us, he even said he thought he'd be prepared when he had a case of this, he assumed there had to be warning signs that he would see, and then it happened. He has a 6 week old. He also can't get the sound of the resuscitation team working on her little body out of his head. I want to be mad at the doctors-but they were there with me-we shared that awful moment, and I can see in all of them how devestated they are.
It's so hard because there is no one to be mad at. I'm trying to focus on my daughter and how strong she is. Every moment she is here is makes me proud. Her fighting spirit keeps me going. She is strong so I will be strong too. All I want to do is hold her and bring her home. I will love her forever, and treasure every moment I have her.
Beatrix Louise. Born April 2 2016, 41 weeks, at 7:32am via c-section.
8lbs 1oz
18.5 inches
Sorry if it's huge. I'm so proud of my warrior, she's perfect-and looks so much like her Dad! DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior 
Re: Birth Injury/Not how I expected my first few days as a Mom to be *trigger warning*
DS2 due 12/12/18
You and your family will be in my thoughts. I hope you're able to take your baby home soon.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My nephew had a traumatic birth, and was placed on a cooling blanket for 3 days. That cooling blanket, and the concept behind it is amazing. He'll turn 6 in May, and is the smartest kid I know--and an incredible athlete already. I have hopes that your LO will come through with little or no complications.
As for the "God has a plan," thing...I am churchgoing, and when a mass shooting happened recently, our retired lady pastor got up at church and said, "The first person that says this is God's plan, I'm going to punch in the face." It is incredibly inappropriate for believers to say that to you--regardless of whether you believe or not. Kudos to your mom for shielding you.
I'm sending hugs to you from here. Don't give up hope. It seems so little, but lean on us, if you need it.
Shes mostly off sedation and is starting to open her eyes. Got to finally wash the poop out of her hair.
After the MRI we will be having a team meeting to find out how things stand right now.
DD born 2/22/12
TTC # 2 since 7/12
DX- PCOS. Currently upping Metformin dosage and preparing to meet with RE 9/5/13.
Ist medicated cycle September 2013-BFN
1st IUI November 2013-BFP Chemical Pregnancy
2nd IUI December 2013-BFN
3rd IUI January 2014-BFP! Due 10/31/2014
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. A friend of mine has a 2-year-old little girl with HIE. I wanted to at least pass along a resource that I know she finds helpful:
https://www.hopeforhie.org/
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
We refuse to give up on her. DH and I have a parent room in the NICU so we are close. Everything about this feels so wrong. Trying to grieve the life we thought we were going to have. Yesterday I saw my Dad cry. I've never seen him cry before.
I am so sorry you are going through this; I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I'm sending lots of love & positive thoughts to you, Beatrix, & your family.
SaveSave
From your updates it sounds like this little girl is incredibly lucky to have such strong parents who love her so much. I don't doubt she'll be able to feel that and I'm so happy you're able to hold her now. She is beautiful! Wishing you strength and peace and for the very best possible outcome for Beatrix and your family.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you and your little one thoughts and prayers!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I just wanted to say that your daughter is beautiful and try to keep up hope, as @stephanienjer said, there are many many amazing cases of CP just like her husband.
DS born 3/11
Angel Baby 3 6/28/11 9/5/17 BFP!!
divorced October 2014 9/6/17 hCG 88 progesterone 9.1 (prometrium started)
Married DH 10/15 DH's DS born 6/09 9/8/17 hCG 242!!!
Not preventing since 11/15 EDD 5/8/18 Adjusted 5/15/18
TTC since 1/1/16 9/27/17 we have a heart beat!
Im so sorry you are going through this, but am glad you are able to hold your precious little girl now. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.